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He knew that she had never been his--and would never be, for he was not the fiercely loyal, wholly generous, goodhearted, courageous lord of justice that his dear friend had been.
Perhaps they had both looked at her the same way; like she was the sun and the moon and the stars (especially the brightest ones) and the rest of the gods-damned most beautiful things in the world, but that did not change the fact that they were not the same man, and she had chosen the other.
Perhaps it was almost terribly convincing and unequivocally glorious each time she came to him in the middle of the night, aching desperately, and allowed him to touch her, to take her. The cries she made, which he eased from her perfect lips, her tired heart, her broken soul, were enough to bring him to release and unmake him again and again completely under the watchful gaze of the Twelve, whom he implored endlessly to halt her suffering; to bring her peace.
Perhaps he would have been convinced by those cries if he had not known her before his friend's death and watched her face as they buried him in his House regalia--a soldier, a loyal knight to the end. She had always been full of life, passion, and joy--among other things--and to see all of that buried with the blue-haired knight was Aymeric's bane; his burden. Afterwards, he saw beautiful flashes of hope in her victories, her most triumphant moments; except he knew she had allowed herself but one selfish thing in this world and it had been ripped from her and destroyed.
It was this he remembered as he felt her fall asleep next to him once again, facing away from his body, her cheeks glistening with fresh tears that she didn't want him to see. It was unspoken knowledge that she would be gone before he woke.
Though Aymeric's name was on her lips many nights, Haurchefant's was forever on her heart.
But, he would often think, closing his eyes and resigning himself to another night of troubled sleep, if this--if I--bring her even a fraction of comfort, or solace, or peace, perhaps...perhaps that is enough.