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Inmate 241

Chapter 22: Sunshine

Summary:

Dean's keeping himself alive as the walls slowly becomes uglier and uglier, he's longing to go home and tries to fill his day with endless eating, can he make it home to christmas? He faces another encounter with Nick and Castiel seems to still linger by the man's side. Will the friendship bloom into something more? Or become nothingness like everything else?

We follow Dean as he faces his own demon's and Castiel as the angel by his side.

Notes:

HI!

I haven't updated this story in years but recently started writing on it again.
Here's another chapter :)

Chapter Text

Yesterdays encounter with Castiel lingered on Dean’s mind like a coke cold keeps your nose puffy for weeks. He knew that he was simply using the man for his own benefits. The friendship he created to please Ellen’s needs had turned him soft and he hated the guilt that came with it and himself for the guilt. The thought of returning home for christmas kept him awake at night, played over and over inside his head like a reassuring lullaby, he felt like a child.
This place made the man he was turn into something his father would despise. The bed squeaked underneath him as he corrected the boxer shorts he wore, they’re also white like everything else and the fabric sometimes feels like needles plucking his skin, maybe he just felt suffocated. His fingers playing upon his ribcage as it pokes out of him as soon as he turns on his back, he felt ashamed over his own body, something he’s never felt before. Before he got admitted he kept in shape, somewhat at least, he ate a lot of junk but his body felt like a man’s and now he’s nothing but a fragile boy.
He turned to his side, eyes open playing with the darkness inside of his room, he tried closing them but as soon as he did he saw blue. “Fuck me” he grunted and slowly sat up and left the bed, he paced the room, the floor felt cold underneath his feet. He felt nauseous thinking about another man the way he did, he laughed to himself as he imagined what his father would do to him if he saw him hug another man, maybe he’s in need of his fathers salvation.
He slowly entered the bathroom to take a piss, after washing his hands he went back to bed. He couldn’t stop thinking about Castiel, it filled his head like poison, making him foggy. Why did the man entice him so? Maybe because he’s the only nice thing that’s come across for years, someone not completely dysfunctional, someone you can actually talk to. Dean hated him, he hated how melted he became around him, like ice cream.

Eventually morning came, he slept for a good two hours before the banging on his door startled him awake. A man entered the room, he was wearing gray pants with a dark blue long sleeved knitted sweater, tucked in on the right side of his pants, black shiny shoes. “Hello Dean, remember me?” Nick, of course he remembers, disgusted prick. “Yeah I remember you” Nick smiled as he looked around the room, walking towards the small bathroom taking everything in, like he hadn't seen a room like this before.
“You got a cute room” Nick is now looking at Dean. Dean just stared straight at him “what do you want?” He grunted as Nick presented him with a paper, almost dangling it in front of his face like a bone before a dog. “I got something you need to sign” he brought forward a pen, blue ink. “What is it?” The pen clicked in Nicks hand “nothing much just an agreement, just a small confidentiality paper we need you to sign” the son of a bitch smirked, mocked the room as he spoke.
“No fucking way, I’m not singing no paper of yours, kiss my ass Nick” Nick clicked his tongue shaking his head “oh yes you are, you don’t really have a say in the matter Winchester” he took a few step towards Dean, crouched as he stopped in front of his bed looking him straight in the eyes “it’s either this or you can kiss your brother goodbye” Dean didn’t think before he acted as he tried to connect his fist with the devil before him, Nick fell back before Dean made any impact laughing “you actually think you can lay a hand on me?” Nick slowly rose to his feet hovering over Dean as they both stood up “I got you by the neck Winchester. One word from me and you can kiss the outside world goodbye forever. One word from me and you're dead?” Dean saw evil in his eyes “you're signing this paper. Now.” Dean swallowed but wouldn’t let himself get defeated “never” he spat in nick's face, Nick looked away shaking his head once more “alright come in!” he shouted, Dean looked to the door as it flew open, three guards entering the room, each one armed with a black baton.

———————-

They almost beat him to the brink of death. He woke up 2 weeks later down at the hospital wing. The same room he shared with Garth. He woke up scared and alone. The bed was cold and the air filled with sickness. He could only see with one eye as the other was thick from swelling. He was bruised and battered, it took him a while to notice how silent the room was. He looked around and felt so betrayed by everything, he felt the need to find a reason for everything. He found a reason to hate everything with more passion than before, maybe the only way out would be to simply

let
Them
Not
Kill
Me

Rest.

A tear fell from his eye, he wanted to wipe it away but realized how tired and bruised his arms were, one of them broken in a white cast.
As he looked at the cast he saw something written on it with black ink “feel better soon” Castilel, he’s sure of it. Stupid fuck. At least he made Dean smile. He didn’t feel defeated until he glanced at the bedside table, on it a piece of paper with a blue pen on top. They weren’t gonna let this one go. He closed his eye and felt completely and utterly shattered, he missed his brother and he missed himself. He thought of Sammy and how depressing he would’ve felt if he saw his big brother like this. A loser against a whole world of insanity. He thought about meth and Crowley, how maybe that’s what started the voices inside of his head. That maybe that’s what made him do what he did, what caused the evil inside of him to ooze with such greatness that nothing could calm it down.

Dean looked to the window by his bed, he looked outside for a while. A big tree rested outside underneath it a bench, a trash can and a sign. Dean closed his eye once more and imagined how it would feel to sit on that bench, to look at the facility from outside and to be free. He missed how good tasted, he missed how life felt before everything went down. He missed love and crappy movies. His mind drifted as he slowly fell asleep.

———-

“Hey baby, shhh it’s okay mommy’s got you”

Bruised and barely whole.

“It’s okay Dean, I’ll kiss it better”

Tears of joy

“Don’t cry my sweet sweet boy, there’s nothing you can’t get through okay?”

She smelled like syrup

“Your so pretty, I love you. Everything’s going to be alright”

Comfort me

“Shhhh, let’s rest a while”

 

—————

 

Two more weeks went by and Dean started to feel better, not near good but better. He still spent his days at the hospital wing. Watching tv and eating as much as he could.
Thursday came and the door flung open as he looked out the window. A nurse entered the room “how we feeling today?” Dean looked at the nurses chest, number 3070 “ah better than yesterday at least” the nurse felt pleased by Dean’s answer “good, good” he muttered as he picked up the yellow tray placed on the nightstand. “Hey you got a visitor” Dean looked confused “I do?” The nurse nodded his head “Novak” Dean even more confused, Castile haven’t come by once since he woke up two weeks ago. “Oh Cas” the nurse looked at Dean “should I let him in?” Dean graced his body, feeling ashamed of how broken he looked “could be good for you” the nurse added dean looked at him “uh, yeah sure let him in” the nurse walked to the door “alright” Dean corrected the blue blanket on top of him, straightened it out. Castile entered the room

Sunshine

 

“Hi Dean” he stood far away, miles away. Please come closer, let me smell you. “Hey Cas” Castile took a few steps towards the bed, Deans heart flinched, he hoped the man before him didn’t notice.
Castiel looked towards the tv “you have no sound on” he noted, Dean smiled “yeah I like it that way, I like reading the subtitles” he took a few more steps towards the bed.
“Why haven’t you visited me before now?” Dean got surprised by his own question and how straight forward it made him feel, he didn’t want the man to get defensive “not that I care” he added just as Castiel were to answer his question “I’m sorry I found it rather difficult seeing you this way” Dean looked the man up and down carefully taking all of him in, he wore a bandage around his left wrist “what happened there?” Wanting to ease the conversation into something else but him, Castiel looked towards his arm and quickly pulled down his white sweater “oh nothing, I slipped at lunch” Dean knew he lied but wouldn’t pressure him into answering anything he didn't want to answer, Castiel then went towards the chair in the right corner of the room, grabbing it as he pulled it towards the bed, sitting down before Dean. “Listen Cas, you don’t gotta do this..” “I want too” Dean got interrupted, they looked at each other and shared a split second of silence with one another

Blue
Green
Breath
Freckles
Bones
Blood

“Thank you for the message” his eyes wandered towards the cast, tilting a bit, Cas smiling “your welcome” Cas looked at the tv and Dean now at him, watching his small stubble gracing his glorifying cheeks, his nostrils moving slightly from him breathing in and out, his hair messy but not as much as usual, did he fix his hair before he came to visit? Deans eyes traveled down the man’s body, he looked so fragile, small and lonely. He wondered what he was thinking, what his days looked like, what he dreamed of and what his legs looked like without any pants on.
Castiel now looked at him, smiling a bit “you okay?” He asked and Dean shook himself out of the trance he had wandered unwilling into “uh yeah, I’m all good man. You should go” why did he say that? Please stay forever “I think I’ll stay for a while if that’s alright with you” Castiel looked back at the tv, Dean didn’t say a word for maybe then everything would break. The fantasy, the dream would shatter and he would wake.

“Just open his mouth”

Raw

“Hold it open”

Pants unzipping

“There we go”

 

He jolted awake, pain easing into him causing him to groan loudly. His body flooded with sweat, he didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep. He looked to the side of the bed, searching for Castiel but the chair had been neatly placed back in its original position by the wall. Maybe he dreamt everything? Maybe Castiel wasn’t here after all he thought to himself as the corner of his eye caught a glimpse of blue ink on his cast “goodnight” it said. Dean panicked and looked at the paper on the nightstand, did Castiel read it? Does he know everything? He didn’t want him to know, he felt the pressure of a thousand rocks pounding on his chest. Images of Robin flooded his mind, the voices started

You’re a freak

“Stop it please!”

One day you’ll kill everyone

“I CAN'T TAKE IT”

You’ll even kill your own brother

“HELP ME SOMEONE!”

He didn’t know when the nurses entered the room or when they eased his torment with anesthesia. “There Dean you’ll be okay” he heard something say, was it a nurse? A voice in his head? Whatever it was it calmed him a bit as he once again slowly fell back into a everlonging slumber.

———————

 

He spent 5 weeks rotting in bed until they finally gave him the clear on him getting ready to leave, one month till christmas and the weight gaining weren’t really in his favor. The halls didn’t feel any different, just as spikey and haunting as before.
A nurse assisted him to his room and left him as soon as he felt comfortable enough, as if you could feel any sort of comfort in this place, what a joke. He sat on his bed, freshly made smelled like nasty soap. He looked at his door and wondered when Nick would be back, when anyone would be back. He wondered what Castiel was up to, what his brother dreams of at night. How everything behind that door was filled with life and how he slowly kept dying like an old bird in a cage scratching to get out.
He looked away from the door, he looked to his cast and felt sorry for himself. He stood up and left the room, he could somewhat walk, it took him some time but he got it, he felt somewhat proud that the sons of bitches didn’t break him completely. He wandered to the dayroom, looked at the people that filled up the claustrophobic space and the all looked so sad, defeated and broken. He didn’t care about anyone of them. They were useless. He wondered what happened to them behind closed doors, did they also endure such hatred and unwantedness?
Poor bastards. He sat down on the brown leather couch placed in front of the small television, the yellow flower chair placed to his right. He usually never watch tv since the programs sucked and the low volume made him uneasy. His head fell backwards into the couch and he rested his body for a while breathing out. He felt the couch shift as someone sat down, he watched the man, Castiel of course.
“How do you always find med Cas” as if this place weren’t small enough “It’s not many rooms to search Dean” did Cas attempt to make a joke? “yeah you're right” he looked at Castiel then back at the tv “so what are we watching?” Dean snickered at the question “some awful dancing competition, I’m not really watching it, you can change channel if you’d like” Cas smiled and shook his head “I’m fine, perfectly fine” silence filled the space between the two men, it almost became to intense to bare.
“I’m glad you’re back” Dean stopped breathing for a quick second and then nodded “thanks man” he answered. The two men sat quietly and might have shared a glance or two, both knowing how sacred this moment might become.

The day came to an end.

Notes:

Helloo you nerds! :P

This is my first fanfiction I'm posting and I'm sorry if I write a bit dark D:
But who dosen't love a bit of pain sometimes ;)
I'm greatful for no hate. This is a hatefree zone. cccc:
I'm also very greatful for support and any kinds of feedback!

Thank you and enjoy. I'll update as fast as possible.