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I fell in love (Now I feel nothing at all)

Summary:

Hoseok has been hiding his soulmate's name from everyone ever since it appeared on his wrist when he came on age. He has been waiting for his soulmate to come on age too, to reveal it to him before than anyone.

However, there are numerous ways in which God can make us lonely.

 

(Or soulmate AU where your soulmate's name is tattooed on your wrist and I hurt myself while writing this, I'm sorry)

Notes:

Is that a quote from Demian right there in the summary? Yes it freaking is. Teasers got me crazy.

And I found inspiration to do a little something aka hurting myself and dragging others with me lmao.

Also, title is lame, I'm sorry orz

Work Text:

 


 

 

 

Hoseok thought he was going to freak out when he knew the name of his soulmate.

 

 

 

Surprisingly, he didn’t. He looked at the name, caressed it softly with the pads of his fingers, smiled oh so lovingly… and then he covered it.

 

Everyone would ask what his soulmate name was and he would just smile and get cutely excited, but he always ended up saying nothing, giving no hints. Whenever a reporter mentioned it, he would just brush it off saying “Of course ARMY is my soulmate!” and making a big, big heart with his arms.

 

Firstly because it was a rule among idols to not, by any chance, give away the name of their soulmate. It was dangerous for them and their partner and bad for the group’s reputation. Then, there was the fact that he wanted it to be a surprise.

 

When his soulmate came to age, he would show him his name deeply tattooed on his skin and then, he would hold him and caress him. Just like he always wanted to do. His mind was always full of loving images of him and his soulmate hugged, giving each other little pecks all over their faces. Having fun. Making him laugh.

 

 

 

That’s why, when he received a text from Taehyung saying “IT APPEARED COME SEE!!!!!” on the younger’s birthday, he almost tripped twice, running through the hotel’s hallways.

 

He tried to hide the fact that he was out of breath when he reached Taehyung’s door, their rooms weren’t that far from each other, but he was just too excited, his heart was beating unnecessarily fast and his cheeks were red from anticipation.

 

Taehyung opened the door just seconds after the ringed the door bell and giggled cutely at his exhaustion. Hoseok didn’t know how he was going to do this; there had been plans, oh yeah, but he never pictured a scenario like this one, where Taehyung held his hand and walked him in…

 

The lights were low and music was playing.

 

“I just noticed” Taehyung said in almost a whisper, like he was scared now that there were hidden mics in his room. “And you are the first person I’m telling this” The soft smile adorning his face got Hoseok’s heart beating even faster. It was happening, it was finally happening.

 

Hoseok swallowed and nodded lightly. He suddenly was getting impatient. Maybe he wanted it to be over soon, maybe he was just craving the sound of Taehyung’s voice.

 

“Hyung… you have to promise you won’t freak out or scream, okay? Promise?”

He smiled widely before he could stop himself. He knew he couldn’t promise that kind of thing. There had been plans but deep in his mind, he knew he was actually going to freak out hard. “Why would I?” He responded, probably looking as excited as he felt.

“Because… it’s a man” Taehyung was looking away, not like he was ashamed but like he was very shy. He looked very happy and Hoseok could swear that he was beginning to blush. How cute.

“Oh, c’mon! It’s the 21st century, Tae! I won’t judge just because he’s a man, so stop with all the tension and just show me!”

 

Taehyung nodded and smiled.

 

He started to roll up his left sleeve and took a breath before showing his arm to Hoseok, releasing a screech while closing his eyes when the mark was visible.

 

 

 

Good thing…

Good thing Taehyung had his eyes closed.

Because if he hadn’t… he would have seen Hoseok’s entire world crumble in front of his eyes.

 

 

Park Jimin

The tattoo read.

 

 

Taehyung’s tattoo said “Park Jimin”.

“Park Jimin”.

 

 

Not “Jung Hoseok”.

 

 

Hoseok broke his right leg once when he was ten.

The pain he felt then was nothing compared with what he was feeling right now.

He felt nauseous and his heart might have stopped a few seconds and why did it hurt so much.

 

 

So much.

 

 

He wasn’t good with pretending. Even if he had been, he was sure that no one would have been able to hold in the sobs that were now filling the silence of the room. His chest hurt, his lungs burned, his own mark was like cutting through his flesh. It was scarring him.

 

“Hyung? Hyung, oh my god! Why are you crying?!”

 

Taehyung put his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder and he flinched away.

 

Usually, Taehyung’s touch on his skin felt like feathers and sunshine, right now was not the exception and that precisely was what made it so damn painful.

 

“I’m just… so happy for you” He managed to get those words between his sobs. He needed to calm himself down before he started hyperventilating. Before he had a panic attack due to all the stress and pain he was feeling. “You two… he… you’re so close. And he’s always been so close to you” He failed in calming down, his own words breaking him down even more. “I can’t imagine… how beautiful would it be… for your soulmate to be someone you already know. Him being so close to you… being able to hug him and…”

 

Taehyung pulled him into a hug.

 

Soulmates had a big impact in your emotions, so when Taehyung started humming the song it was currently playing and rocking him lightly… Hoseok found a little peace, he maybe felt a little content.

 

“God, Hobi. If I had known you were going to be so sentimental about it I would have waited a bit more to—“

“No! …No, I’m glad you told me first. Thank you Tae”

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until the song ended and Hoseok had calmed down enough. He didn’t dare to look Taehyung in the eyes. He didn’t know if he could be able to not break down again. He wondered if he was going be able to look at him in the eyes without breaking down ever again.

 

“Is this why… is this the reason you don’t want to tell anybody about your soulmate?” Taehyung’s voice was so soft and full of worry, Hoseok felt a little guilty.

“I guess you could say so…” Hoseok held his own wrist tightly. He could feel Taehyung’s gaze fixed there.

“It’s going to be okay…” Taehyung reassured him.

 

And if he said so, then it must be true, Hoseok thought.

 

“Hey, Tae… why don’t you go tell Jimin? I bet he is dying for you to go tell him”

“But… hyung. Are you going to be okay?”

Hoseok smiled softly and dared himself to look at Taehyung. “Oh, don’t you worry about be. Aren’t you curious to see what font your name has on his wrist? Just go, kid. I’ll go congratulate you two in a minute”

 

Taehyung agreed moments later, it took a little of perseverance from Hoseok but, finally, he did leave.

Hoseok told him to not scream too hard when he saw his name on Jimin’s wrist.

 

And he prayed.

 

He prayed for Taehyung’s name to be engraved on Jimin’s skin.

 

He didn’t want him to feel the pain

 

Of carrying on your wrist

 

The weight of a soul

 

That can’t be yours.

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