Chapter Text
It’s so hard for her to feel like she isn’t being put on display.
She’s got a fortune in diamonds on her ears, another small fortune in pearls and emeralds around her neck and wrists, her hair is pinned up with diamond and emerald encrusted pins, and she’s not even going to start on the amount of jewels that dot her overpriced gown. But despite feeling like she’s about to be thrown to the wolves, she is calm; even though, in no less than 20 minutes, she will cease to be Ms. Natalia Dragomir and become Mrs. Nathan Hawthorne. She is calm, because even if her name changes, her blood won’t; she will still be a Dragomir, a Harper, a Volchizya, she will still be a woman from a long line of women with more blood on their hands than the entirety of the United States Government will ever have on theirs. She is calm because she knows what she is doing is only right thing that she may do in this lifetime. And at this thought, one of her hands, with its perfectly manicured nails, finds its way to her stomach, where beneath all the silk and satin and jewels, a tiny little life is growing, and it needs the protection of the image of two people who love each other.
So she is calm, because she knows that this is the only way to protect herself and the child that she’ll be bringing into the world sooner, rather than later.
But the peace that is around her, only achieved by shooing her attendants off for a while, is broken by a door opening and heavy footsteps coming in. She spins in the chair to face the newcomer, an act that should be impossible for the dress that she’s wearing, but she’s spent most of her life learning how to do the impossible in dresses like this, so at this point, the movement is next to nothing for her. She’s met though, by an impish grin in the too handsome and rugged face of Roger Maxson.
“Roger,” she says with weariness. “You know that this is the dumbest idea you’ve had in a long time.”
“I thought that award went to me getting you pregnant.” Natalia huffs at him, blowing a loose piece of hair off of her face as Roger’s grin grows wider.
“Oh, don’t look so smug. You know if my mother or grandmother catch you in here, they’re gonna skin you and send your remains back to your family in Boston.” Natalia tells him as he takes on a look of considering if that result is worth getting to spend even a few more minutes with her.
“Worth it,” Roger replies, coming to an apparent decision. “Besides, I have something for you.” He crosses the room and stop at the little table that Natalia is sitting at, placing the small box that he had been hiding behind his back in front of her. Nat looks up at him, clearly confused.
“Roger,” she starts, but he just nudges the box, imploring her to open it. She signs, but does as he clearly is asking her to do. She feels her heart speed up a little as a velvet ring box slides out into her hands, and then feels it plummet as she opens the ring box and finds the ring inside. It’s a thin silver band, perfectly dainty and lovely, but still strong enough to hold up the emeralds and pearls that make up the setting; a larger black pearl, surrounded by tiny emeralds and white seed pearls. She has not a single doubt in her mind that this isn’t anything less than an engagement ring and from the choice of jewels, her two favorites, something that she had to have mentioned at least a few times to Roger, she also has no doubt that he had this made just for her. “Oh my, Roger, it’s lovely.” She looks up at him, tears threatening at this unexpected gift. “When did you have this made?” He smiles, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes, much to her surprise.
“Not long after our first date. Even then, when we were just teenagers, up to our ears in homework and poor life choices, I knew that you were the only woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.” Natalia swallows heavily as she realizes that Roger has been holding onto this ring for damn near eight years. “But life’s a bitch and it doesn’t look like we’re gonna get that, but even so, you deserved that ring. I just wish I could be the one putting the other one beside it.” At this, Roger picks up Nat’s left hand and prys his ring out of her right, and then slides the ring onto her left ring finger. At once, the ring settles itself onto Natalia’s finger, like it was meant to be there. Roger smiles again, but it’s even sadder than his last and something in Natalia just wants to reach out and comfort him, tell him that it’s going to be ok, that she doesn’t have to marry Nate, and that they can make this work.
But she knows better, knows that they were both born into families where power is everything, and knows that they were never going to masters of their own lives, being little more than pawns to elders who need them to play the games that they can no longer play. But that knowledge still doesn’t stop her from reaching out and pulling Roger down to her and kissing him with everything that she’s got, it doesn’t stop Roger from putting a hand on her back and pulling her closer to him until she can feel every hard line of his body through their clothes, a position that they’ve found themselves in time and time again, with the stakes and the risks getting higher each time. Their kiss doesn’t last though, it can’t last, but it ends well before she’s ready for it too. But she feels a faint hint of pride that Roger’s lips are quite visibly stained with her lipstick and that he’s as red in the face and out of breath as she must be.
“God Nat,” he says, and she feels her body tingle as his voice is deep and wrecked with lust. “You’re making it impossible for me to just walk away.” Natalia giggles and goes to answer him, but at the moment, she hears her mother’s voice coming from right outside the door, calling 5 minutes and yelling for the bridal party to get their butts in gear. Her and Roger share a quick look of panic, knowing that if they’re caught like this, it will be game over and everything that they’ve worked so hard for will be lost. But Roger returns to himself quicker than she does, pressing one last kiss to her lips, whispering I love you, and ducking out through the door opposite of the one that her mom is at, the one that leads to an unused backroom.
Natalia is barely back to reality when her mom comes into the room, followed by the bridal party, which is a mixture of family and the few female friends that Nat didn’t scare away during college. They spend a few minutes cooing over her and fixing her lipstick, but 5 minutes later on the dot, she’s standing at the back of the long line of them, on her father’s arm as tells her how proud of her he is and how happy he is. Natalia smiles at him, like she didn’t just commit a sin and kiss someone who isn’t her fiancé and isn’t committing an even bigger one by carrying a child that doesn’t belong to her fiancé. She’s saved from verbally responding the fact that the wedding march starts playing and they need to focus on walking forward at the right time.
But as she walks past where Roger is sitting with his wife and their newborn child, Natalia feels nothing but calm. She’s still convinced that this is the right thing to do, not just for herself and her child, but for Roger too, to protect him from what his family would do to him if they knew the truth. And at the end of it all, even if her last name will be Hawthorne, she’s still Natalia Dragomir and she’s been falling on the sword of duty for people that she loves long before Roger Maxson, so really, what’s one more time?