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Leafy lay on the couch, tears streaming down his face. His gnome lover boyfriend, Keemstar, had just left him after finding out Leafy was pregnant.
His roommate, Femmi, bustled out of the kitchen.
“Why are you crying? Have you finally realized what a sexist pig you are?” Femmi aimed a comment at him, doing her best to show concern.
“My gnome left me because I’m pregnant.” Leafy sniffled as he took a shot of bleach.
“What a sexist pig!” Femmi replied, plopping herself down on the couch next to Leafy.
“I’ll help you raise the kid so it doesn’t become sexist. You’ll probably make it your sexist robot because you’re a man.” Femmi said, thinking out loud.
Leafy was too tired to argue with her.
//
Five years later,
Femmi and Leafy are walking in the park, the gnome child between them. They are arguing happily, and the child between them is waddling and babbling.
Keem is sitting at a park bench, re-evaluating his life choices and taking shots of bleach while reading hate comments on Twitter. He is greeted by the sight of Leafy’s happy family. It makes him realize that he regrets leaving Leafy and his son, wishing he could redeem himself some way, but knowing it was too late.
Covering up his insecurititties, he calls after Femmi. “Damnn bitch you thicc as fucccc!!”
Leafy turns around, facing his old gnome ex, and punching him in the nose. Keem crumples to the floor, blood from his nose dripping down onto his weird gnome beard.
“Don’t talk to me or my son ever again.”
That night, after their beautiful son Jacob Sartorius went to sleep, Femmi and Leafy made some seet lizard loving by shoving each other’s long reptilian tails up each other’s asses.
“You did a great job destroying the patriarchy today.” Femmi purred.