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Chapter Text

Part Three: 

            Frantic upset human noises steal Harry’s oblivion. Even half-asleep he bolts upright, bares his canines and searches the sunlit room. As the morning light sears his untrained stare, he doesn’t stop, paranoia ringing in his ears until he finds the room is barren of attackers, of any danger at all.

As his heartbeat steadies, he looks down to find Louis plastered to his side, peering up at him with anxious, red-rimmed eyes. Confusion twists his gut.

Color burst behind his lids as he rubs harshly at his eyes, then he clears his throat to ask, still horribly raspy, “Why do I keep wakin’ up to you in tears?”

Obviously unprepared for this the little creature tenses up, but he tries uselessly, “I wasn’t cryin’.”

“Louis, love, I think by now I know your ‘just-bawled-my-eyes-out’ look.”

“I’m…s-s-sorry,” his voice is painfully small. But truly so repentant that Harry can’t believe he is sorry for only the tears, especially not when he continues mindlessly, “I’m sorry, Harry. ‘M s-s-s-so sorry! P-Please, please forgive me.”

Frozen, ensnarled in an emotional turmoil it’s got to be way too early for, Harry just sits there as the other cries. That is until these cries have escalated to wails–he can’t stand to have him so upset.

Uncontrollable, he acts on instinct, takes his small, trembly form into his arms and hums in approval when he curls up in his lap. “Hush,” he whispers into his strawberry scented hair. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. Whatever it is…its okay. Don’t cry, paradise, don’t cry.”  But it doesn’t feel okay, not with how the creature in his arms is acting–like the world is at its ends. Jesus, he’s never witnessed Louis come apart like this, emotional and so…broken.

“Is it…” his throat seizes up at sickness churns in his stomach. “Is it me? What we did? Did I fuck up?”

“No!” It’s almost a scream. “No, Haz, no! You…You w-were perfect to me. So perfect…I just…I—,” but he dissolves into fresh tears, hiding his face in Harry’s chest now.

Disturbed to the point of desperation, Harry presses, “Then what is it, paradise? I…don’t understand.”

“I-I-I’m j-just emotional right now,” the boy whimpers feebly into his clavicle. “I’m scared.”

An invisible claw fists his heart as his temples throb. “Don’t be scared. There’s nothin’ to be scared about. I…I’m here, paradise.” I’m home.

Louis shakes his head, like he’s mistaken. “You’re leaving again,” he realises as panic bullets through his bloodstream. “Aren’t you?”

And he doesn’t even speak, simply nods. Nods like the inevitable won’t crush him.

Vindictive as can be, the past, the demons’ very essence replenishes in his bloodstream, the echoes of cruelty trapped within the endless circuit of his arteries and veins, going around and around his stone-still body. “I’m sorry! I have no choice!” Louis seems to realise he’s become unresponsive to him. “P-P-Please, don’t be u-upset.”

Like there’s an option for him, like his alpha hasn’t bonded him. This shouldn’t even surprise him. Louis has never needed him. It’s always been him, the idiot, attached like a leech. He has always needed Louis. Even now…it doesn’t matter. It really is what it is. Like life would transform just because Louis opened up to him, because he opened up just a fissure of the shit in his head all the same.  That’s a fantasy he shouldn’t have dared to entertain.

To reclaim his muscles he shoves a hand through his knotted waves. Christ, he has to get away from him–

Well, that will happen soon enough, won’t it? He’s leaving. Leaving to go home.

Just like that his instincts wild out, make him want to fight to make him stay in his bed. But screw that stupid, primeval core of him, screw his Alpha. Right now…he just needs to savor his proximity, his presence. Take care of him. Show him he won’t ever stop.

With a smile he doesn’t feel, Harry takes him around the waist and pins him to the mattress. “Tryin’ to get away from me already,” he says with a playful edge, running his fingers down his sides as the boy thrashes, giggling like mad, the sound a little bit of heaven. “Haz, Haz, stop!”

Mesmerized by his motions, how his ribs hint at his skin with his gasping laughter, how his tummy remains bloated, how for once he glows with health and vitality from everything Harry’s given him, a resplendent omega who he loves with all the pieces of himself, shattered or not.

With a boyish laugh he drapes over his little frame, thoroughly pleased by his relieved laughter, how his breath falters under his weight. “Haz! Haz!” the frantic trill to his voice stuns him. “Get off of me! You’re crushing us!”

To appease him the alpha braces on his forearms, then watches as the anxiety in his icy stare melts away, a paradise in his eyes. “Stay. Stay one more night,” he implores fervently.

Beneath him the little creatures blinks owlishly, then, “I gatta go back, H.”

“This is your home. You make this a home. I…I’m just asking for you to tolerate me one more night. Let me just be with you after all this, that’s all I’m asking. Begging even.”

Emotions swim in the brilliant blue’s of his eyes as he stares up at him, pretty, puffy bow lips parted just enough that Harry imagines tonguing them open further. Christ, now that he’s had him, he won’t stop wanting into his body. Thinks it’s his to have.

Just like Louis has always been his to cherish and adore and love. Now Harry means to do so better than never before.

“I…” but there’s a bit of resistance in his voice, enough that his Alpha is frenzied to melt into trust.

“Please.” In emphasis he brings his hand up to cup his face so he has to look into his eyes, to see how open he is for him. And he watches those extraordinary eyes become warm pools. “Please. I can’t stop loving you. I wanna be with you all the time...Give me the chance to be with you...like this.”

Louis exhales shakily, a feeble smile curves his mouth as he nods a little. “Okay, Haz.”

In his chest his heart stalls as he breathes back, just hear him confirm it again. “Yeah? You’ll stay?”

Timidly Louis strokes any stray strands of hair out of his face. “I’ll stay one more night. Now you can never stop loving me.”

As if that could ever happen...

The switch to his entire body has been turned on, an intense current inhibits his mind as he smiles with an all too boyish happiness Louis’ unleashed within. “Gonna love you proper. Forever and ever just like the fairytales.”

Louis bites his lip, though the giggles surface anyway. “Well, you are quite fairylike...You’ve dazzled me proper, now I never wanna leave.”

“So don’t then,” he can’t help the depthless hope in his voice. Hates himself for it. “Don’t leave.”

“You know that’s not possible right now.”

The idea that it might never be possible if the shit in his head wins almost swallows him whole. Without him is difficult, but being with him is even worse sometimes.

Reminds him of all the happiness he would have already if he could set his mind right, keep his thoughts straight. An ugly reminder that he shattered them, the sole reason for the deprived state of their lives. All this unhappiness and blank space...

Friday Harry comes home to the love of his life and Sunday the love of his life leaves him.

A thin parasitic pain that hotwires his brain, but numbs out as the separation strengthens.

Worth it. Worth the withdrawal pains that come with the anxiety attacks, the paranoia that he won’t come back...

Because he can do it; he can hold his own against the demonic infestation, repress the voices, lock the monster in his very subconscious (always there but mostly docile, unrecognised). For the most part he’s learnt to distract himself from the hunger-pains, the cravings.

Still, it’s only a matter of time before he’s in fractures again, doomed to crumble under any feather-light trigger.

Yet somehow right before it can happen, Louis waltzes back into his life, makes him feel invincible, more than his insanity, to mend his tattered torn-up pieces enough that he feels alive again, awakened.

“I know,” he says finally. “But I want you to lead me on. I want you to believe otherwise. Just tell me you do. I don’t care that it’s—,” I’m desperate.

“Harry, look at me,” the boy demands in an entirely stern tone, even as he soothes the furrow between his brows. Out of respect for him, Harry listens, easily losing his train of thought in Louis’ stormy stare. “I am not playin’ with your feelings just to make you feel some sense of false security. I’m sorry, but I can’t do that to you. You’re better than that, and I know, I know with all of me that one day I’ll come home to stay. And then we can finally love each other right, give into this whole soulmate craze and just…live happily ever after. Like the fairytales.”

His smile is infectious, leaving the alpha with no choice but to smile back. He’s always been a sucker for fairytales...He’d like to think they exist, if only for his omega’s sake. It’s what he deserves.

“You’re already my reason to be, my everything,” he breathes with a fervor that escalates in his heart. “I just wanna be with you. All the time. Now. I’m tired of waiting...” I don’t feel like I have that much time left...

Crystals drip down his face, a fountain of affection in his shadowy stare. “That’s not fair. You think I want to be apart? I’ve never felt trapped with you. I’ve never been afraid of commitment with you. Jesus H, I’ve been here all my life, I’ve never had any intentions of being without you permanently. Never. I still don’t, but we have a lot to work on, baby. This isn’t a fairytale, though I wish it was. Everything won’t just be okay and fixed without…without the time and the work. I’m so alone, Haz. Lonely as ever. I feel empty, or I did…” An oddly hysterical laugh chimes, “’M full now and I probably always will be. But that doesn’t matter right now. We’ll find our way. With any luck I’ll even be home to stay soon. I want that more than anything...”

In a collision his emotions become tangled. Guilt, love, fear, relief...

Christ, he’s still hurting him, keeping him away because finding himself is a lot more difficult than it should be, recovery a word he hasn’t quite defined.

In this still instance Harry tries to unearth the proper words to say before the boy’s shields are up, before he leaves. But all he has is, “‘M gonna be better, paradise. I promise I will be better, and you’ll come home and I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”

“’M starting to believe it, Hazza. You’re building back my trust, day by day.. You’ve been so strong and I can’t wait, baby. I can’t wait to be with you like in the fairytales.” The sweet confession turns the rusty cogwheels in his brain before the words erupts in his heart, an enormity of elation.

With a hoarse noise, a sob or laugh he can’t tell, Harry circles his slim waist and crushes him to his chest, nose in his nest of fragrant hair. “Won’t let you down, pup. Goin’ to win this time. Slay the dragon and live happily ever after with my prince for the rest of time.”

Delicate fingers run through his hair softly before the boy whispers, too much like the child he once knew, “Keep the dragon as a pet and you’ve got yourself a pinky promise, Haz. Y’know I’m always down for happy endings, especially if they end with you and I.”

Without hesitance, taking one dainty hand in his, Harry curls their fingers. “And I’m a sucker for you, paradise. So I pinky promise. Pet dragon, beautiful prince. Win-win.”

“With or without me?” The desperate note to his voice tethers unease in his chest even as he echoes, “With or without you, paradise.”

All but joined with him, Louis borrows against his body, their hands held above them towards the ceiling, the sky. The difference in them will always thrill him; Louis’s hand tiny and delicate, Harry’s larger and meant to hold onto him, capture him.

For a while the boy allows him to savor the proximity, the intimacy, the best silence he’d heard in a while, a hymn between them. Harry swears their hearts have merged to become one, their souls drawn together, dark-to-light.

Too soon though Louis noses at his jaw, whispers coyly, “I have a request of you, alpha.”

“Yes, pup,” he prompts throatily, clasped that much closer as he breathes him in urgently, so he’ll have the scent in his head a while more.

“Tea. I want tea. Need it, actually.”

“We ran out last night,” Harry reminds him, but offers at his stricken noise, “I can just run to the café a few blocks over. It’s not even a fifteen minute drive. If you’d like, paradise.”

“I’d love that,” the boy decides in a tiny, contrite voice. “Now if possible.”

A thrill travels up his spine as Harry jerks backwards to peer down at him. “Is that how you request, pup?” He strokes his moist bottom lip, pleased by how his lashes flutter with his little nod. “Now, please, wanker.”

As his gaze darkens Harry presses, “What do you want, pup?”

Louis’ stare flickers before focusing on him once more, too dull. “Want to be taken care of. Want my bloody tea.”

With his heart a frantic tattoo, Harry nods and whispers to rid the dull from his eyes, “As you wish.” Even with the insistent alarms in his head to blare ‘don’t, don’t, don’t,’ in warning his Alpha refuses to heed. Rather he calls on a confidence he doesn’t feel, to stand and dress in a worn pair of black joggers  and a white T before pulling his hair back into a little bun. He gets into shoes and leans down as Louis stretches up on the mattress, parting the canopy so his little hands are warm on either side of his face, lips parted in an irresistible offering.

Slowly, careful, Harry licks into his velvet mouth, groaning a little. “Can’t I knot again you first?”

“After,” the boy’s shaky breath is sweet on his tongue.

“Counting on it,” pitifully his voice breaks, but he just inhales his sultry perfume deep into his lungs and plants another tender kiss. “Wait on me.”

Weakly the boy strokes his tongue, a teasing caress that wrenches another gritty sound up his throat. His cock twitches, an obvious show against the fabric of his pants, far too interested already. “Haz, baby, go.”

“Paradise, baby, stay.”

“Well I will have to if I want my tea,” Louis reminds with a delicate smile, another chaste kiss. I wish I could still wish it was over.

“All the tea for my love,” he coos sadly, nudging their noses.

With another snicker Louis playfully slaps at his shoulder. “Shoo! I want my tea.”

Awkward, faltering like a besotted boy, Harry shoves his wallet into his back pocket and makes it to the front door at dangerous speeds with his heart still in the room. He starts to force himself out, but a sweet voice halts him, “Wait wait!” The trouble with this boy is he’s a mystery, puzzles him in every way.

Wrapped in their come-slick-stained sheets, Louis appears at the end of hallway looking like a Greek God straight from Olympus. Harry forgets how to breathe as he stumbles over the material down the hall to him adorably, his iPhone held in hand. “You missin’ somethin’?”

With a nervous laugh, the Omega tumbles into him, and he catches him around the waist with his heart creeping up his throat. Soft and warm in his arms Louis is the perfect fit for him. With sure fingers Harry takes the sheets, parts them and pulls so the material whispers down his glorious body, pools at their feet.

Hungrily, he drinks his beauty in, observes as he makes a small shy noise and circles his belly protectively, self-conscious in ways that shouldn’t exist for him. Someone so lovely, with soft aglow features and a masculinity to set it off, is untouchable in his splendor. Reigniting the fire in his body as his cock fattens up impossibly, like it hasn’t had enough from the last fifteen times. “There, that’s better. Just what I was missing.”

A delicious rose kisses his cheekbones before he smiles, adorably bashful, and bites his bottom lip.

“You sure we can’t right now?” Harry can’t help but try his luck. 

“You don’t tire easy, do you?” Never with you.

“I’ve wanted this all of my life, don’t ruin it for me,” he snarls playfully as he snakes his arm around his waist to hitch him so his miniature legs round his waist for support. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he confirms huskily, kneading the perky flesh of his ass. “Dreamt about it all the time. Dreamt of being together all my life.”

With a breathy sound, so sexy, the Omega fists his hair. “Waited for you too, Alpha. Only wanted you to have me. I wanted to have you the same. Still do.” I don’t blame you, love, for running like I did all those years. I’d do the same.

With a rasp, Harry mouths at the sharp line of his slightly scruffy jaw, loving the sensation. “I love you. I just love you so damn much, paradise.”

Unable to quit, he spreads his cheeks a bit, to dip his fingers in his wet when Louis makes a little noise and mumbles, “No no no, ‘Az. Not now. Lat’ah.”

Fuck. Cock pounding in protest, Harry mutters as he grazes his skin with his canines, “I hate that word. Later.” God, Dan was right when he’d told him all those bloody years ago that his precious son would lie, steal, cheat him, tear a hole in him that he cannot possibly repair and he’d still love him.

“You’re so very demanding today,” Louis sighs, yanking so he lifts his head and molds their mouth, shuddering as he tongues his lovely lips apart.

“You let me have you, and now you’re finally mine. And I don’t let what’s mine go.” With that, Harry possesses his sweet mouth, swallows his hot little breaths, tastes his very bright essence as the Omega’s tongue teases his own, on and on. “Such an Alpha now…” Louis retorts, dreamy and perfect.

“Your alpha.”

“My demanding alpha man who s-should–oh God, ‘Az–be gettin’ my tea, not trying to get it in. Again.”

With a vicious shudder Harry stills, nuzzles his jaw some more, suggestively, and murmurs slowly, “Don’t leave me alone here.”

“I won’t. Now off with ya. Fetch my tea.” When he squirms the alpha has no choice but to release him, heart a ticking time bomb in his chest.

As he steps out the door, Louis calls in a heartrending trill that freezes his blood, “Make it quick, Harry.”

“I will, paradise. I will.”

Except not quite quick enough. In a real rush, without lifting his ducked head to check, thrumming with an all-consuming hope that Louis didn’t do what his subconscious has been roaring about for the last fifteen minutes, he returns, enters the security code and staggers into the cool, sex-scented house.

Trust. Trust, he thinks, even though the place is alarming in its silence, even though it feels too lifeless again, even though it’s too cold, even though Louis is nowhere to be seen.

“Paradise? Pup,” he calls hoarsely up the stairway, knuckles white with how desperate his hold is on the container of his favourite ice cream, the tea trey trembling riskily.

When there is only silence Harry squeezes his eyes shut, just for a moment, but suddenly finds himself in the kitchen, braced on the counters and eye-to-eye with the derisive ice cream, wafting still brisk air onto his face. “Well,” he laughs bitterly, crazily, taking the ice cream to dump it into the rubbish bin. “So much for that.”

Since he refuses to drink either cup, he tosses both into the sink and has them join the sealed ice cream in the rubbish. “Fuck that,” the blind rage conquers his bones as he kicks the cabinet door in on itself, the wood splintering like his chest. “Fuck this,” he takes the dishes from the sink and hauls them at the opposite wall.

“FUCK ME,” a livid roar. Until he’s consumed by it, kicks the shards, steps on them, prays to any God in range that it breaks through and stabs him to just allow some distraction from the emotional hurricane in his chest, wrecking his brain.

Once he’s sweaty, exhausted, with the kitchen and the living room all in ruins, he crumbles to the floor beside the torn down, busted flat-screen. Throughout his body his Alpha howls, rattles his bones. “I’m so fucked,” he says unevenly. “I am so fucked!” the veins in his throat throb from the shout, strained and just.

With another snarl Harry stands, storms into the kitchen and just stays there with his lungs disintegrating by the claws of his demons.

A flash of hot pink catches his wild eyes. It’s a sticky note, lopsided on the fridge.

Through tremors he takes it, blinks back the searing tears and reads the sprawl over and over, ‘Something came up. Sorry I won’t be home when you read this. I’ll text you. Forgive me? I still wait for you. Your paradise xx’

Your paradise. What a joke, a cruel twisted joke. Except the echoes of the pet name itself proves otherwise. No paradise is forever. Paradise is temporary. Wouldn’t be a paradise otherwise.

But he is selfish. So damned selfish to want a paradise all his own. To think Louis would be so inclined to start at paradise and end with hellhole because Harry’s sucked his soul, left him hollow.

Because that is what addicts like him do: use and use and use until there is nothing left to take.

With a ragged breath Harry unclenches his fingers and lets the sticky note flutter over the glass shards scattered along the floorboards.

Another distant memory he just can’t escape.

&&

            Across the table his phone lies screen first–it’s been two wearisome weeks. The promised text still hasn’t arrived.

The ugly thought that there was never an intended text in the first place crawls between the creases of his wired brain.

“He’s never comin’ back, mate. Face it,” the voice sneers so loud his eardrums must be ruptured by now.

As his stomach churns, Harry stares down at his phone. The phone he’s only just allowed himself to put down since the very day he disappeared.

Alone, pathetic, Harry faces the monster another time.

Six white lines spread before him on the marble, hideous, delicious.

Anticipation gnaws at his weary bones, neurotransmitters in a frenzied buzz at the promise of what is to come.

With the cold sweat his hope drips, seeps into the floorboards to be devoured by the demons that creep throughout the house.

“Do it,” the disembodied voice insists with threats. Christ, he wishes the shit in his head would just overpower his body already, seize control yet again. Empty him of any residual remorse.

Mouth pooled with saliva, his greedy stare settles on the powder. One or the other, never neither. Paradise or his fix, never neither.

That’s just how it works.

With a bitter smile, the alpha shifts, listens to his bones crack funnily as he takes the roll-up between fingers that tremor uncontrollably.

“We’re here when he’s not.”

Well, he’d rather have him.

“Or so you tell yourself,” the voice contradicts, delighted to fuck with his brain. At least it’s honest. At least the monster will always be here for him, won’t promise to stay just to inevitably fuck off, carrying on with its lovely life.

This is what it must feel like to be used. Karma at its finest. An eye for an eye. Because his boy finally acted selfishly, like he should’ve years and years ago. He’d taken what he wanted and happily walked away with all his purchases. Without even a fleeting look back for the lost fuck he was leaving behind.

Like Harry’s done over and over and over.

But he’s still a part of everything he does, all over his body in these bloody tattoos, a scar where his heart once beat.

Numb, his sensible, operating brain shuts down in slow memories, one light after the next until all that’s left is a malformed darkness.

Which works best for him–exactly what he needs to settle over the first line, pinch his left nostril, and surrender. Without a seconds hesitance the darkness swallows him whole. There is no one last time when the first snort bullets straight to his toxic brain.

Like this he rides with it, remembers what it is to touch the stars.

Power in his veins. Pure undefeated power– his natural element. Like this the seams to his frayed mind weave and restore themselves as he twitches under the rupture. As his nerves come to life for the first time in two weeks, endless days, Harry breathes in the blessed euphoria. A remedy. All he needs to survive this, to figure it all out.

Need–back to that. Vomit crawls up his throat, so he just snorts another line. And another. One more until hooks are razor-sharp pains underneath his skin, stringing him so far above the shit in his head.

Until there are diamonds behind his eyes, torture as they ooze past the corners of his lashes. Until he thinks Louis’ mind is made of diamonds. All those diamonds he’s been drawn to since he was a little pup. How beautiful. How tragic that his body is shedding the diamonds he’d embedded there. Rejecting beauty he does not deserve.

An unbelievable rush drowns him as his heart pounds in his chest, ready to escape all the same.

This is how it was meant to be. Because he is higher on his own, without him now.

Keeps it simple, keeps up with life like this. Rides the current of coke.

In a blur. A beautiful blur that locks out the shit and sneaks between the hollows of his ribs to hold him like nobody else will at night.

It’s the crash that ruins him. Always does–this time an all-time-high week later, seven relapses down.  

Under the deadweight his body calls for more, and the monster entices him, but it’s all he can do to snatch his phone (habit) and haul his sorry arse to the nearest guest bedroom. There, he collapses on the plush mattress and stares blankly into the darkness.

Somehow, as the delirious jeers ricochet around in his skull, Harry’s mobile slides in his clammy palm. Desperate the intensity does not faze his vision as he keys, ‘do you still believe in forever?’

On fire, twitchy and a mess, the Alpha blacks out. It’s only hours into emotional asphyxiation Harry reads the response, ‘I believe in you.’

Just like that Harry breaks away from the infinite shards of addiction. Dry heaves, “I’m not ruined, I’m not ruined,” into the darkness until he’s not the only one who believes it.

&&

            With a lurch, Louis almost dunks his head in the toilet as vomit crawls up his throat and into the toilet. With his tummy in knots, the boy braces over the porcelain rim and trembles in wait. As the acidic liquid rips up his throat into the water tears scald down his pale face. With a minute moan, Louis doesn’t fight the inevitable, pukes his insides out and then forces his trembly limbs to function.

Once he’s flushed, the boy stands on shaky legs and hauls himself to the sink where he brushes viciously at his mouth to rid the stale sour taste, then washes his hands and face.

Miserable, Louis returns to his vacant bed curl up small around the nonexistent curve of his belly and breathes to his little love, “It’ll be okay. It’ll work out. I promise.” But oh God it doesn’t feel okay, like it’ll work out, at this very moment.

His loneliness aches in his chest, a constant chill that threatens to conquer his bones. It’s been a month and one week. A month and one bloody week without him.

Two days into this sickness routine, scrambled trips to the bathroom and meltdowns with nobody to help him, it’s already become too much.

Too much to handle on his own, in this secret forlorn life he’s doomed himself to. Limited to phone calls with his family and friends, their infuriating worries (like they’re the ones pregnant with a cokehead’s pup, unmated and alone) and derisive text messages from naive Daddy-To-Be himself. Texts he can’t bear to respond to without begging for him to take him home and take care of him.

There’s beauty in a storm. There’s so much beauty in a storm, but Goddamn it not when you’re trapped in the natural disaster itself.

But today is the day he quits thrashing and trying to break away. Today is the day his lifeboat keeps him afloat.  Today will present him the official confirmation needed–he’s scheduled to visit the hospital, to learn about his little love in his belly, to just know what he’s up against.

Excited? Not so much. Relieved? Very much so.

Really, Louis has spent a lot of time compiling a hefty list of questions and concerns. Research only freaks him out–after the headline ‘Rise Rate of Male Omega Miscarriages,’ Louis hadn’t dared try that route over. No, that will only lead him to do something he will regret. What he needs is a confidential professional to just guide him through this lifestyle.

All he knows are the basics: no alcohol, no smoking whatsoever, and eat better.

Which he’s pretty successful in, tossed the temptations in the rubbish almost as soon as he came back. Not one sip of alcohol, not one fag, since before he was home and being knocked up.

All that he hasn’t been able to do: eat better. Louis is a greasy pizza kind of lad. And his little love is too as that’s all he wants anymore. Surely it’s criminal to deny a depressed expecting boy junk food’s simple pleasure.

With a little bite an unbidden thought comes to life: Harry would motivate him to be the healthy, shove greens down his throat and claim fruits to be dessert, then wake him up at the crack of dawn to start that yoga bullshit and–

The desperation waver’s his resolve enough that Louis takes his phone out from under his pillow (where he keeps it just in case…) and peers blearily at the screen. Under his Hazza’s name are tons of unreturned texts:

Come home
Did u find the car keys?
I can come for you, I want to
Don’t ignore me
Louis, you’re freaking me out
Please, pup
I fucked up I’m sorry
I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did.
I don’t know what else to do, paradise
I just need to hear your voice
Just a text
Is that too much?
Of fucking course it’s always too much to ask for anything
Whatever. When you’re ready to talk I’m here
I’m getting real tired of this shit Louis

And so on.

At the mere sight his vision gets blurry with an ocean of tears though he tries to breathe around the emotion it, typing back randomly,

‘I’m sick :(
19:03 A.M.’

The instant response causes him to snivel, nose runny already.

‘What’s wrong? Can I call you?
19:03 A.M.’

Louis worries his bottom lip, then, before he can back out,

‘Tummy. It’s been going on 2 days now. Just puking me guts out. I have an appt today
19:05 A.M.’

The answer is strict instructions that he is to follow. A little trickle of happiness warms him at the description of Harry’s not-doctors-direction tells him he still cares, that he’s here.

‘Why r you up so early?
19:15 A.M.’

The time it takes Harry to reply is enough for fatigue to sink into his bones, stitch him to the mattress as he struggles to keep his lids open. Sleep looms, but before it embezzles him, his phone flashes, somehow cozied to his belly now.

Just from this his heart skips too many beats and jerks to unlock his phone.

‘Sweet dreams xx
19:30 A.M.’

Grief splinters at his heart, the pain malevolent and spiky as the breath is knocked from his heavy lungs.  Even as tears spill down his face Louis thinks for Harry for my little love for our future until he rubs circles into his belly and hyperventilates into the blankets.

He’s fumbling to kill his phone when an unexpected call interrupts him. Already anxious, he answers on impulse. “H-ey, Haz,” he hiccups into the phone, strokes his tummy, his little love’s home.

There’s an eerie silence, then, an alpha command, “Talk to me.”

“I-I-I f-f-f-feel so alone,” Louis cries brokenly into the phone, his composure shattered. “’S j-j-j-just me and…and…” our little love, our pup, “’S just me. Alone and clueless and tired and…” his voice is lost to patchy breaths. 

“I’m still here, paradise,” Harry’s voice is raspy, hurt.

And doesn’t help, only sprinkles salt on his stab wounds because he isn’t here, he doesn’t understand, he’s not better and Louis is worse. “I know!” Louis snivels as he scrubs at his tears, takes frantic gulps, silently apologising to his little love for the lack thereof air.  “I know that. B-B-But you don’t understand, you–,”

“So help me understand, Louis,” the Alpha snarls, obviously upset. Louis doesn’t blame him, can’t even shore up the energy to be defensive. Like he honestly can just confess that he’s stolen his choice, he’s…he’s…Twisted, Louis is so repulsive inside. Another demon. And he has the horrific notion that the pup in his womb will be too. As demonic as its parents. But no no no, his precious little love is innocent, faultless. And he pets his tummy in another apology, thinks sincerely, like his little love can possibly hear him, just a month along, I’m sorry, little love. Papa didn’t mean it. 

“I never wanted to hurt you,” the boy whispers into the phone, eyes screwed shut. “I n-n-never wanted to leave. B-B-But I need space. I need to think.”

“Think about us?” an alarmed breath that kills him. “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“No, ‘Az,” he mumbles, brain fried from the emotional wreckage. “Was all me this time. I just need to think ‘bout what ‘m going to do.” Then, because he just needs him, to feel his presence, “’M really tired, Haz. Gonna fall asleep. W-W-Will you stay on with me even when ‘m asleep?”

There’s a hostile curse, but, “Sleep, paradise. I’m here.”

Warm, with his little to-be-family, complete if only for now, the boy whispers sleepily, accidently, “I wish better was here already.”

Before his mind can process the muffled response sleep devours him.

&&

‘Can I see you?
14:03 P.M.’

With his bottom lip between his canines, Louis’ heart throbs viciously, screams yes yes yes, come see us come see us come see us, but he types back,

‘I’m at the doctors.
14:04 P.M.’

Another not-lie–he is seated in wait of his doctor, uneasy and nervous as he squirms, avoiding eye contact with any and every one to unconsciously cradle his belly.

Despite how he swims in the T-shirt he’d stolen before he left home, the Omega suspects it’s obvious. Because he is a very pretty pregnant lad. With the tell-tale glow that screams baby-on-board. Which doesn’t help the attention whatsoever. Louis just can’t have pigheaded Alphas coming onto him right now, can’t have word breaking that he’s been spotted in a hospital.

It’s difficult enough to avoid the cameras. At one point being papped wasn’t an issue, but with this huge secret in his tummy, and written all over his guilty face…it’s disaster in the making.

The entire situation will prove disastrous. 

Already has.

Online school bores him. Confined to his flat without interaction, just him and his little love, is the absolute worst for him. Gives more room for the loneliness, an ache that so often renders him undone.

But returning to his childhood home sounds like a deathtrap. Dan is far too intuitive to stay oblivious, and Jay is far too concerned to not prompt his inevitable breakdown, for him to not come clean about what he’s done.

Ashamed, scared, the boy has secluded himself to his flat, determined to keep both himself and his little love far away from the cruel words that will be spat at them from all directions of society. It’s his mission to protect his little love from any misfortunes, to–

‘Doesn’t matter. Let me be there for you. Im losing my mind thinkin about you sick at the doctors all alone
14:11 P.M.’

Louis rereads these words twelve times, basks in the comfort, the strength his Alphas unknowingly provided him. Through misty eyes the boy replies,

‘I feel better already. Another time. Goin in now xx
14:13 P.M.’

To avoid temptation Louis pockets his phone, and thinks about how his little love is. Thinks happy thoughts rather than the constant fear that his little love is not okay, abnormal or hurt or–

No. No, his little love is happy and warm in his tummy. All nourished and healthy. A beautiful baby girl with her daddy’s pretty jade eyes. His little love is so very loved, has most of his heart already, just like her daddy.

“Louis? We’re ready for you,” the receptionist at the front desk calls cautiously. Thankful that she’s refrained from applying his surname, Louis fumbles to stance, humming with anxiety as a redhead nurse in comforting ice pink (a sign little love is a girl surely) into a spacious white room where she does a mandatory checkup. Louis bristles at the information that he’s gained just a bit of weight; though he’s reminded it’s surely all the junk and his little love.

As he sits on the hospital bed with his feet dangling above the white tile, the nurse double-checks, “And you’re here for an ultrasound, correct?”

A blush settles high on his cheeks as Louis nods, but with a soft smile she nods and takes pity on him, “Dr. Holt will be right with you, my lord.”

With a smile in return Louis doesn’t relax until she’s vanished, the door closed behind her. Lifting his shirt Louis reveals a sliver of his flat belly. “We’re gonna be fine, little love. Gonna learn all about you and take care of you and make sure nothing bad happens to you.”

With that he lets his shirt fall, but as the minutes drip by the nerves intensify until he picks up his phone again,

‘What if I’m dying?
14:26 P.M.’

Once more the response is instantaneous,

‘Then we save you. I thought u said u feel better? Have they said somethin? Are you ok, paradise?
14:27 P.M.’

Louis smiles as he can hear exactly how he’d said it. First with steady control that will escalate to concern and suspicion by the time he asks if the doctors told him any news. That he’s still able to do this, still knows him, makes Louis feel like himself, a young boy in love, not just an expecting Omega.

He isn’t able to respond as a rap on the door interrupts. Shoving his phone between his thighs Louis takes a bracing breath as (who must be) Dr. Holt steps inside. An older gentleman, presumably Alpha judging by how he walks, confident and self-assured–in these four walls Holt extends a hand, “Pleased to meet you, Mr.,” he takes a peek at his laptop, then clears his throat and snatches his hand back, “My lord. It’s an absolute honor to serve as your physician.”

Oh, no.

Distress screams in his belly, but Louis plasters a polite smile and murmurs, “Louis is fine, sir. I trust this is confidential as the pact claims?” Just to make sure he didn’t spend two weeks arranging dreary paperwork and agreements to be deceived and outed.

With an almost bland smile, Holt nods, “Of course. I’m under treaty and oath, my–Louis. Be at ease. We will handle this with our best care.”

Be at ease–impossible, but it’s worth a shot. “I trust so, sir.”

“Right well,” the Alpha makes it to the high-tech machinery that looks quite daunting and sits at a stool with the laptop on the counter. “Let’s begin, shall we?”

&&

            With his brain in a whirlwind of information, Louis leaves the hospital in a daze with a black-and-white print out caught in his hands. Unable to think around the beautiful disaster in his chest the boy functions on intuition, ducks his head and pretends to be an ordinary person who just came from an ordinary checkup. Like someone up above knows he just needs a moment to compose himself, Louis makes it to his car without interruption, and sits in the driver’s seat with his forehead on the steering wheel, evening his frantic breaths.

Thoughtless, the boy brings his arms round his flat belly, as if to protect his little love from himself.

The photo in his lap feels too heavy, like lead, demands his attention even as he shakes his head weakly. Evidence that he is more than himself now, that a little someone will be coming to life for the next nine months. Might be.

Faint, in trembles, Louis swallows a sob as Holt’s words echo in his head, “We do offer abortions. Not recommended but I am obligated to inform you of the option. If in five weeks there is an abnormal result it’s requested that you consider it a plausible option. Male pregnancy is a complicated ordeal, and in most cases a risk to the parents life. I do not mean to discourage you. I do believe how young you are will work in your favor.”  Over and over the word abortion appears in red hues until he’s in vicious tears, hunched over the wheel as his throat throbs with every uncontrollable weep.

God, his little love is counting on him to do the right thing. But he just doesn’t know what the right decision even is.

To terminate sounds so wrong, his previously dormant paternal instinct screams against even entertaining the idea. But he has no choice, he has to.  This time he cannot be selfish, this time he has to think about his little love and Harry.  

End his little love’s imminent suffering if there is something seriously wrong. Blades sever his veins.

Please his Alpha by just… and then going home to reclaim his life the way it’s meant to be. Just him and his Alpha. Little love a distant memory.

Another sob edges up his throat, tastes like hell as he bawls, and rubs his tummy. No, he can’t do it. Too selfish, too in love with the barely-there pup in his belly, too in love with the Alpha he doesn’t have any more. Too in love. Always too in love. Because that is who he is, Louis loves hard, and Louis loves forever without fault, without reason.

And he couldn’t bear to lose another precious thing in his life, couldn’t bear to take away another precious choice.

If he thought life was complicated before…the entire world has tilted on its axis and revolves around two of the most beautiful entities.

In his pocket vibrations introduce a call, but Louis can’t find his limbs, cold and numb in his havoc. But when it doesn’t stop, his frayed nerves spark with white hot anger–he doesn’t have time to talk, doesn’t have time to press pause and pretend this isn’t happening. Teeth clenched, he jerkily removes his mobile and answers blindly, “What.”

“Are you crying?” Harry’s voice is a bucket of ice water dowsing him in terror as his throat seizes up, but another feeble noise forms nonetheless. “Paradise…What happened? What did they say? Talk to me.”

But all Louis can form is pitiful whimpers, which escalates the situation, summons Alpha Harry. “Louis, talk to me or so help me God I will track you down and make you wish you had listened.” With his voice in that timbre, thousands of octaves too deep, the Omega shakes with the force of his tears, mumbles, “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

In a sense it’s true–his body is better than fine, adjusting to all these exquisite hormones his little love calls for. But oh God that’s really all that’s fine with him. Doesn’t even matter in comparison to the emotional and mental damage he’s subjected himself to.

“No, you’re not,” a controlled breath as Louis hiccups uncontrollably, nods like Harry can see him. “Don’t lie to me. Don’t act like you aren’t mine. Like I don’t know you. Tell me the truth.”

“’M n-n-not dying,” he giggles madly, knocking his forehead to the wheel as he rocks himself back and forth, imagines Harry doing so instead. Imagines he’s being bandaged in warm strength, healed by the touch he craves so very bad right now. When there is an all-too-serious growl in warning Louis tries to do better than jokes, “I’m just…overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed. I-I-I think I’m having an anxiety attack.”

Silence swarms, then, “Where are you?”

At the mere idea of seeing him the boulder on his chest eases, but Louis shakes his head weakly, scrubs at his face and mumbles, “Don’t start, Harry.”

“Don’t start? Are you fucking kidding me right now? This is such a twisted joke,” the Alpha spits with a hostility that has Louis clutching his tummy with more life. Just the unstable temper to his voice seems a threat to the little life in his tummy. Right now Louis does not feel guilty, because as far as he is concerned Harry is a danger to his pup. “I am so tired of this bullshit, Louis. I am so fucking tired of being ignored. I am so fucking tired of baby steps. I am so tired of living without you. And I am tired of feeling like I’m fucking crazy!” The force in the shout shakes him to the very fragile core, and Louis takes a deep breath before, “I’m not havin’ this conversation over the phone.”

There’s a bitter laugh that knots fresh cables of anxiety in his chest. “Oh, I’m sorry, I must’ve misunderstood. So you’re not hiding from me?”

“I’m not–,” he tries feebly, only to be interrupted.

“No. No, it’s cool. It’s fucking fine. I’ll just come to you so we can have this conversation face to face. Does that work for you, paradise? ‘Cause it’s always about you, what you want, how you want it, whenever, wherever. Don’t worry your pretty little head, love.” Oh, no, no, no.

The critical promise in his fierce voice sends arctic shards of ice through his veins, solidifying his blood as he struggles to breathe, croaks, “Please, stop.”

“Not likely, pup. I’m so done bein’ your bitch. I’m done with this better bullshit. And I am so over being powerless. You manipulated me. You fucked with my head like it was a toy! Guess what, pup? You lose. You haven’t seen angry yet.”

“A-Are you threatening me?” Louis sputters, enraged with his stupid Omega’s reaction to Harry’s anger, shimmering with twisted joy at what he’s done. Like this is an accomplishment.

“Oh, no,” a smoky laugh that sends chills up his spine as Louis chews on his bottom lip, blood a tinge on his tongue. “I’m just making you a promise. ‘S sure been a while, I hope your love for promises hasn’t changed.”

“I–,” his tongue is too heavy in his mouth.

“Oh, shit, I’ve been talkin’ to you more than five minutes. I should go, hate to disrupt your busy life any more than I already have,” a belligerent lie–God, if there is one thing this Alpha loves to do, it’s disrupt his very being.

“Wait–,”

“Don’t worry, paradise, we’ll have tons of time to talk soon enough. I look forward to it.”  And the line goes dead. Just like that. No hesitance, and after what feels like an eternity, no call back. In a numb state of desperation, Louis dials the one person he can think to hold his secrets with no judgment.

“Looooouuuiss! Are you done hidin’ away in your little cave? I’ve missed ya so!”

An unstable wreck, a broken arrow, Louis confesses between gasps, “I’m…pregnant, Niall.”

There’s not a beat of silence. “You two didn’t waste any time, did ya? Jesus. Seen this comin’, I did!”

Even losers get lucky sometimes, surely.

&&

                        Under the black lights Louis is sprawled out on his back with his hands intertwined at his belly. As the music pulses through the four walls, the boy pinpoints his happy place and stays there with his pathetic Haz&Paradise playlist. This song is conveniently fitting between them right now–Ocean of Noise.

A shrilly laugh simmers in his tummy, energized by the five cups of tea he’s downed and his little love. But once the song fades into Fix You, the happiness in his laugh drips onto the hideous carpet (he wishes he had the motivation to rip it out and replace it with wood) and the sound becomes jagged gasps as the searing tears trip past his lashes. For just this moment in time Louis despises Coldplay, despises that he can’t promise Harry he’ll learn from his mistakes, because when it’s all said and done he’d do it all the same exact way. He will never regret his decisions.

Not because it’d save Harry, not because he’d have his little love, not even because they might not be here, in this wasteland, wandering and miserable. Really, he doesn’t know why, but he reckons it has to do with his faith that what was meant was meant. And there is no outdoing fate.

Jesus, the two of them should take a bow–for taking everything from each other, for playing their parts so well. Because their show is coming to an end, the curtains seconds from closing.

Which of them would play the victim Louis isn’t quite so sure. Of course his pride tells him Harry.

Harry Styles, the broken cokehead, fragile as ash, stubborn as gravity.

Louis Tomlinson, the naïve optimist, shatterproof glass, easily manipulated naturally by his love for an addict.

They’ve always been more than perfect to and for each other.  Able to breathe best in each other’s toxins–air just could never compensate. A thousand times too heavy the melancholy sits on his chest.

Out of control, too in love in the worst ways, the boy removes his phone from his pocket, kills the music, and does what he does best: seek comfort in his Alpha. But it’s only when there’s an impassive, “I’m busy,” that Louis’ lungs threaten to crumble under the weight.

In his tiniest voice, “Still angry?”

“Livid.”

“C-Can we take a break from all of this? I just want to be your best friend for the last time.” Already, his lungs are corrupted, and it’s only a matter of time the truth is revealed and his life-force becomes grey and desolate.

A heavy, ragged breath, then, crossly, “That’s not how this works. We can’t just…pretend to be people we aren’t.”

“Why not?” the boy asks with the little fight left in him, “We used to do so all the time. ‘Member? Under the blankets during sleepovers? Get under the blankets, and I’ll do the same, and then we can just…be.”

“No, Louis, I’m in the middle of something and–,”

“Please,” a hopeless whisper.

There is no response so long Louis’s vision blurs around the edges from his inability to breathe around his defeat, but then there are distant rustles, then over the ringing in his ears Harry’s voice, ominous and flat, sounds, “Get in bed then.”

With a gulping breath of much needed oxygen the Omega stands on weak knees and scrambles into his cold bed, worming his way underneath the blankets. “Okay…I-I’m here.”

There’s a sardonic snort that makes his lashes damp, but, “Who’s this?”

“This is Menace-the-Mean-Monkey. Who’s this?”

“Alliteration, nice,” there’s a thoughtful note to his voice. “This is Sorry-Sorrows-the-Snake.”

“Depressing,” Louis says in a thoughtless hush. “Too many Sorry-Sorrow’s already.”

“I’d say the same, Menace-the-Mean-Monkey. What have you been up to?” At the opportunity of easy conversation, Louis’ heart flutters.

“Been drinkin’ lots ah tea. Drunk on tea.”

“No wine?” A curious breath that mocks Louis, echoes of secrecy.

Loss is a shadow over him. “No wine tonight, Sorry-Sorrow. Tea is reliable.”

“Of course,” Harry whispers, in agreement like Louis knew he’d be. “Tell me about yourself, Mean-Monkey-Menace.”

“’S Menace-the-Mean–Monkey to you Sorry-Snake-Sorrow,” the boy teases, and once there’s only a prompting silence, “I’m a menace to everyone. Especially those I love the most. I don’t know how to just…be good. I don’t know when to shut or open my mouth. So I say too much or too little. I have no balance unless I’m with my alpha. I get way too high when I’m with him, but he never seems to be high enough. I don’t know what to do, Sorry-Sorrow. I don’t know what it is to come down, but he’s always in a crash. A-And I don’t what to think about that really. W-What about you, Sorry-Snake.”

“’S Sorry-Sorrows-the-Snake to you Mean-Monkey-Menace,” is the unsteady response that almost makes him smile. “Shit, I dunno. I guess I’m always sorry about anything I ever do. Yet I still try to hold onto the silly things. Horrible shit. I never learn. I’m in a perpetual state of mourning. Mourning my losses. I feel like I have so bloody many. I’m nothing unless I’m with my omega. But he left me and I don’t blame him for that at all. I know this shit isn’t supposed to be simple or easy, but Christ, it’s taken all my will to make changes in my life. I liked my life the way it was because I had what I always needed. Paradise."

Louis feels like screaming his lungs raw. “My spirit animal must be a snake. Manipulative, cold, just fuckin’ wrong. I don’t remember what it is to live without using something or somebody to help get me by. I’m surrounded by a steady foundation, but always feel in over my head. I don’t know how to be high enough when I’m trapped underneath all this…shit in my head. I barely know how to just be.” Oh, Haz…  

Louis feels like he’s dividing, falling apart, with his darkness too slight to hold back all the white love he reaps for this beautiful disaster. His head spins with all these thoughts and feelings and he doesn"t even know how he manages to speak. Squeak, croak, whatever. “Any advice?”

“I–,” Harry falters then clears his throat. “You see beauty in everything but yourself. You need someone who reminds you how special you are. You deserve that, baby. If that isn’t me--then you need to save yourself from any more abuse. Run as fast as you can because he’s going to try to catch you. If it’s not that then maybe you need to look back on the past from time-to-time, to help remind you of who you are. What you’ve done. How happy you’ve made people with just a simple hello. A kind look or gesture. Anything really. You make me feel things I"ve never felt before y"know. So I dunno, maybe you need to think a bit more about all that. Or maybe just not think at all. Just think screw everyone else, this is what it is and that’s that. Tell me what you mean about being high?”

And suddenly it’s not like he’s drowning, unable to breath, it’s like he’s caught in the eye of the storm, breathless and steady as ever.  Louis only whispers, “It"s how I feel. My best with you, my worst without you...It"s never like that for you, is it?”

“I think everyone’s got something no one else can do or see or know. You just need to know that all he has, needs, wants, is you. It"ll always be you. Reckless, a menace, bad and beautiful and just everything everyone else ain"t. You’re his number one. You make him feel alive, on fire. Nothing feels better...I can"t lose you, I...  I…He doesn’t want your love to lose the will to live before he’s had a chance to be with you proper, to take care of you. And I really just think…with you he feels like how you feel when you’re listening to love songs. Timeless.”

With his heart in rapid flutters, the words cascade through him, wash away any hints of ruin, and leaves him spellbound. “I…” but he can"t find words that aren’t I love you I love you I love you.

“Advice for me?”

Mindless, he just lets his thoughts flow, a waterfall from his lips, “Stop giving a damn about what you did, start thinking about what you really want to do, what’s going to make you happy. What’s in the past is in the past. ‘M not sayin’ forget, that’d be impossible, but don’t live there. You just need let bygones be bygones. Don’t let anyone have control over you. Not even me. I’m goin’ to say now you’re not a reptile. You"re way too warm for that, just learn to use any situation to your advantage. Trained. I know you never meant to hurt anyone but yourself. That"s just...not realistic. You can’t just hurt yourself without expecting to hurt everyone who loves you. And a lot of people love you. So you just need to… Step outside that steady foundation. Say fuck it, don’t cage yourself. You control you. Maybe you’ll always need help with your demons, maybe it’s a permanent thing…but that’s okay. It"ll be okay. Because everything gets better eventually. You need to have more faith in yourself. Love yourself too because you deserve that.”

There’s an unsteady breath of relief Louis mirrors.

“Why are we living this way?” A raw fury heats the question.

“I don’t think we were intended by fate. More like we just sort of happened. We were meant to be best friends and that’s it. Then we just…fell in love in all the wrong ways. Other people couldn’t fit us right. Now, because we didn’t stop when we should’ve, because we couldn’t let go, we have to prove that fate was mistaken.”

“That’s some fairytale bullshit, Louis.”

“You broke character,” the boy says just because. Because he can’t bear to face his insatiable fury. Just wants to stay like this, calm, okay.

Whole.

“I’ve relapsed seven times since you left again.”

Dread pours over him as his hand clamps over his mouth to stifle his dreadful noise. Out of habit, he flattens his free hand on his belly, and shakes his head wildly.

“You just can’t love an addict, can you, paradise?” An acidic chuckle that sends him into mental hypothermia, “See the wild plot twist is you’re my addiction no matter what. I will always be an addict. Goodnight, pup.” Just like that Louis is abandoned to his devastation, his cruel thoughts.

I will always love an addict.

It’s a veritable avowal, one tattooed to his heart, branded to his brain, scored into his frail skin. All the proof is in his tummy.

I will always love an addict.

Louis can feel his heartbeat taking him down, and for the moment he’ll sleep alright.

&&

A volcano simmers slowly in his chest, the remorse prompting its inevitable eruption. The anger is red hot magma seeping from his very pores. A fire of confidence disabling his pride as Harry saunters into Parliaments educational branch. Just in time for class exchange.

The mosaic floors under his steps do not tremble with a mental malfunction. The gargantuan structure does not waver. Pillars grounded, walls inert. In this split moment the blur of bodies dissolve, salt in the electrical waters of his very fucked mind.

He can almost see himself trudging through the halls in all the stages of his life spent here. A twelve year old aiming to be an Alpha as supreme as his father, a twelve year old who only seemed to remember he was a child when a ten year old was prattling in his ear and provoking him.

Onto fifteen, with almost the same cherub face, marching straight into lines of excruciating fires and taking more bullets in efforts of shielding that same sublime little boy. Seventeen with multiple gunshot wounds that refused to heal, leaving bloody trails only that same boy seemed to see, slipping up constantly. Up until nineteen, greeting the monster and dragging his feet through these halls, high and happy, with an angel behind him, trying to show him right–too bad he just couldn’t see it.

Oddly enough it’s the silence that brings him back to reality. A silence he’s conjured up with his presence. Under the attention his skin crawls. Horror, curiosity, fear, hunger.

Yeah, of course every innocent Council student wants such excitement, a walk on the dark side. He wishes he could find his voice; tell them that once they’re out of the light they’re fucking lost. They’ll wish they knew where the fuck they were going.

Artificial light just ain’t enough. Real undiluted sunshine is the way to out of the dark. His just so happened to be Louis, but fuck if it was real to him.

“It wasn’t. If it was real to him he’d still be here,” the voice tells him with a delighted edge.  

The glare that darkens his stare is meant for the monster in his head, but obviously misled the cattle cringes.

Madly, the Alpha thinks it’d be fucking funny to repeat the scene he’d set all those years ago. Right before he’d dropped out.  Even now the sight of Louis’s horrified expression is engraved in his head, the exact moment he knew he’d lost his mind, coming here with a gun. The moment society came to accept the same, detaining him despite Louis’s panicked protests because, “he wasn’t going to hurt anyone!” and “do you know who you’re touching! Leave him alone!” until he’d been escorted straight to the penitentiary.

Sickened with the recollection, he’s in motion, trudging up the wide stairway to the rotunda and through the corridors until he’s met with Guidance. Stuck, he stands there with his hand on the knob until someone opens the door and shuffles him backwards, “Oh! I’m sorry!” A familiar face stares back at him, Alana–she looks the same, all round attractive features and inky curls. “Harry? You’re back?” Seems not all has changed. Seems he is still himself. Or so he appears so.

“Sorta,” he mutters, blinking like an idiot as the female Omega beams. Charming. Alana is a charming girl, sought after by most Council Alphas. It’s obvious why.

“Wow! Stoked! How are you, babe? It’s been forever.”

A smile touches his mouth, stuns him into silence though this doesn’t faze Alana, who has never been attuned to others, looping their arms and tugging him. “C’mon! Let me refresh your memory,” she teases with a suggestive look. Not flirtatious, but innocent in her attempts to help. Much like Louis, Alana is too interested in helping strays.

Which must be the reason Harry goes with her–, “So what’s been up? You just disappeared? I reckon it has somethin’ to do with…what’s ‘is name again?”

Just like that the Alpha stiffens, but she knocks into him, “You know I’m joking! I’m not insulting your boy, Styles.”

Your boy.

“He’s not mine,” he blurts blandly, more to himself than Alana, though of course she hears him. More startled than Harry anticipated her head whirls in his direction, and wide blue eyes regard him with a compassion he doesn’t deserve.

No matter how he wills a reaction, staring into her blue’s much the same, there is none. No urge to wash his soul, to drown, to be. The shape, the shade, the essence, behind her gaze could never compete with paradises’. “No?” she tries for nonchalance. “You’ll find someone else. You’re a catch.” Mental instability is a catch? Before he can respond, she’s wrapped herself around him, slim arms around his waist, head buried in his chest. Of course she’s soft, she’s warm, and she’s entirely platonic. Yet it’s still different.

There is no response from his Alpha, just a low sigh that echoes louder than any growl. So it’s true, an Alpha only bonds once. Impotent in every way for anyone else.

But the sensation of another figure, small and kind, comforts him enough that he slowly returns the embrace, circling her waist and–, “I would ask but I don’t want to intrude. I’ll just tell it like I saw it. I saw soulmates. That kind of bond is said to be eternal, innit?” Yeah right.

“Myth.”

“Always the pessimist.”

“Realist. I’ve lea–,” but Harry doesn’t have the chance to finish because someone jabs at his shoulder, demands with a seething edge, “What the fuck is this?”

Growling under his breath, the Alpha breaks the hug to turn to Niall, staring blankly as the Irish boy stabs him in the chest repeatedly with his index, snarling, “What do you think you’re doing right now?”

“Where is he?”

“You’re asking me after–,”

“I…uh I’ll go. Call me,” Alana interjects quietly, sparing him an apologetic look (it’s not personal, she has a reputation to maintain. There is no reason for her involvement in this anyway) before she blends into the still audience.

“Listen, can we do this somewhere a bit more private?”

“No, fine right ‘ere. What are you doing here, Harry?” Niall asks through clenched teeth.

Irritation spikes in his bloodstream as his jaw works. “I don’t have to answer to you, Niall. I did nothing wrong.”

“Except rub all up on Alana, who’s been after your title since you could talk.”

Just barely reigning his temper, Harry answers tightly, “It was a friendly hug.”

“Oh, and what do you think Louis will have to say about this friendly hug?” Fuck if I know.   

“It doesn’t matter,” he bites back, holding his gaze with the stark warning in his eyes.

An appalled expression crosses the lean Omega’s features before his face turns crimson with disgust. Like he’s committed the damnedest crime, like he’s so fucking involved in his life. “Don’t look at me like I am so fucked up. I didn’t do shit wrong, Niall. You don’t know me. You don’t know shit.”

“I don’t know shit? I know I’m done with this bullshit. This has been going on ten years too long. It’s time you got your shit together. Everyone babies you! Like you can do nothing for yourself. Especially Louis. And it’s bullshit! You’re not a fuckin’ pup! You don’t even act like one! But you let this happen! You let Louis make decisions for you! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

There is nothing but Niall, with his loud fucking Irish mouth. Canines bare, the Alpha snarls, “I’m not a pup, but I am not a fucking God either, Niall. Shove your opinions up your bloody arse ‘cause they mean shit to me. All that matters to me right now is being better for someone who decided not to be here to help! What the fuck am I supposed to do? Force him? Please, since you know it all, why don’t you fucking tell me?”

Under the force of his anger Niall flinches, but unlike like the person he defends so obstinately, refuses to back down. “And still you try to have everyone else make the decision for you! Jesus, what kind of Alpha are you?”

The blow to his pride is enough to fill his lungs with the black ash marking the volcano’s eruption. “One that doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but my Omega.” In seconds Harry’s turned on his heels and stormed away with the volcano wrecking tremors through his body.

Without a struggle he fades into the background, an Alpha bound to have what’s his.

&&

            A little relieved gasp escapes him as the morning sickness leaves him a trembling mess. Arms like limp noodles Louis almost cannot manage to turn on the tap to the claw foot tub. It’s some miracle that he even sheds his clothes before sinking into the filling bath, warmth caressing his goose bump ridden skin. With a pleased sigh Louis lies there, submerged from head to tone as he holds his breath, listens to his heartbeat slow under the soothing rush of water in his ears.

Too soon he jerks upright, gasping sweet air as his arm rounds his too round belly. Stupid, that was stupid. Little love needs air. Over and over Louis thinks this under his breaths are even, until he’s regained control of his limbs.

Methodic the Omega washes his skin with care, three times over, then does a quick scrub of his hair before stepping out. Unlike last night he does not almost trip and go into near cardiac arrest, this morning he is especially careful as he towel dries, pattering about on the carpet to his bedroom.

For no reason other than he wants to feel pretty, Louis rummages through his knickers, and pale pink ends up in his hands. Through tears and a hotwired heart the Omega wiggles into the lacy garment, pleased that the boyshort’s still hug his bum like they’re supposed to, though when he looks at his belly a new spell is cast.

Seven weeks–only seven weeks, but the roundness of his tummy appears too perfected. Nearing the curve that only pregnancy calls for. The swell isn’t quite so obvious, it’s subtle and soft-spoken. Careful with his little love, Louis carries his fingertips over the firm, curiously tough round. Smiles like he’s won the world because in these moments he has. “Good morning, little love. Gonna be a good day, innit?” he whispers to his, Harry’s, pup, then rubs a soft circle, wishing he could just kiss his tummy, but he’s not that bendable. It’s just so tempting, and–

Disrupting, his alarm blares and Louis jumps a bit, mumbles, “Shut up,” but doesn’t dismiss it just in case he gets caught up again.

In record time he’s finished dressing, daring to wear a shirt that hugs his tummy just a bit, squeezing into black tights and slipping into scuffed Vans before snatching his phone from the pillows and at last dismissing the irritating alarm.

At the mirror Louis bats at his damp fringe, but quickly becomes irritated and retrieves his keys to step outside the flat, locking it behind him.

Humming, the Omega makes it to his car, opens the driver’s side and huffs at the coffee cups in the holders, taking them in either hand (they’re still full because Louis decided after the first sip it was quite disgusting) and turns to make it towards the rubbish bins at the– 

Frozen, Louis stares at the black Range Rover. It’s parked across the street, and seemingly unoccupied. Nerves claim him as his heart pounds in his chest. In this state Louis can’t help but pass the rubbish bins to double check, to ease his panic as he crouches to peer at the right side of the vehicle, where the paint should be etched with –

“Paint job,” a deep rasp explains from beside him.

With a startled gasp, Louis lurches backwards a couple feet, effectively dropping the cups so coffee splatters and stains the ground, his feet. Adrenaline is hot in his veins as he braces on the car for support, knees weak and trembly.

Around the wild beat of his heart, the Omega hears nothing, but his vision is crystal clear as he dares to lift his stare from the set of leather boots that must’ve cost a fortune, up the length of his legs, black skintight and ripped at the knees. Up his long torso in a patterned coffee coloured top (ironic) reveals the heads of the swallows and the necklaces (already he itches to wear them, just because they’re Harry’s). And his face. Of course that’s the difficult part. To actually see him in all his glory, features striking with all his frizzy curls framing his face.

A split second is all the time needed for Louis to know, to panic like never before. The stark rage lurks in his unnervingly vibrant stare. Under the force of emotion Louis’ brain catches fire. “H-How?” the breath leaves his parted lips. “I n-n-never…I…How?” God, he’d had his files secured like the Pentagon.

With a twist of his mouth, Harry leans his shoulder on the car, crosses his arms (Louis tries his best not to notice the bulge of his biceps, but it’s not fair) and stares straight ahead, in thought. “I tracked your phone.”

Louis gapes as his heart plummets straight to his belly. “How could you just….do that?”

Looking over, Harry Styles smiles, a plastered expression he’s seen one too many times in the past. “No, love, how could you,” his voice breaks, cracks, shatters, but there is no sign that he’s noticed, that he felt it, instead his smile widens.

Ice sears his veins, terror crowding his throat even as he swallows.

“Gonna invite me in? Show me ‘round?” he asks quietly, nodding to his flat. A thrill runs up his spine, somewhere between alarm and anticipation.

But oh God the idea of being alone with him, in private, shocks him into denial. Little love must come first. It’s strange—too strange a concept, because in Louis’ life it’s always been Harry. Harry’s always come first.

The part of him that isn’t an Omega expecting still believes his Alpha comes first, because Louis loves his Alpha more than anything in the world. Even little love.

The thought is crippling enough that tears sear in his eyes–like he needs any more reminder who he’s given his all to. All that he’s lost with the gain of his little love, Harry’s pup.

“I, ah, I have somewhere to be actually.” Agitated, Louis’ arms circle his baby bump, to shield his little love from his or her mental daddy. Mercifully, this action does not seem to catch his attention. Mostly because he is already in motion, prowling towards him with that predatory glint in his gaze.

Louis stumbles backwards, whispers as he shakes his head, “Please, Haz. Don’t.”

There is no hesitance, no consideration, and no reaction that he’s heard at all. Around his panic, Louis presses, so weak with his Omega’s want, “I need s-s-space. I n-n-need to just breathe. I know…I know you’re upset–,”

With an enraged growl, the Alpha captures him around the waist and Louis is too stunned by the sudden movement to even react before his back is pinned to the car. Too stunned by the sensation of Harry’s body against his, lean and solid and achingly Alpha. Too stunned by his scent wrecking through his insides, intoxicating him like the very first time he’d seen him after he’d presented (is that even okay for his little love?).

Crowded. Trapped. Louis wants to kiss him— to stretch up and pour his love into the contact then whisper the sweetest apologies at the shattered blaze to his stare, the bleak hurt almost devoured by his anger. “Upset?” his voice is raw with rage. “That doesn’t cut it, paradise.”

Louis almost shrinks from the Alpha in his voice, but squares his shoulders and shoves at Harry’s. A hand takes his fast, his numb hand that only flares with sensation when Harry brings it to his mouth, runs his lips over his knuckles, then smiles before backing away in three steps.

The lack thereof resistance might be the scariest part. “I’ll lead the way, paradise.”

“W-We’re not goin’ inside,” the boy protests but in a confident stride Harry’s started for the flat, holding up one hand and jangling his keys.

In a cold rush Louis looks down at his hands, as if the keys that are obviously with Harry might be in his hands still. Never has he felt so powerless with him, so out of control.

Through furious breaths, he jogs over to where he walks through the drive and hisses, “You’re trespassing.”

“Am I? You livin’ with another Alpha now?” 

At the accusation in his tone Louis falters, the hilt of that dagger protruding from his heart. With more Omega in his voice, Louis snivels, “H-How could you say that?”

Without a glance Harry sniffs, long and hard, in answer, then stops at the bright red front door, and effortlessly unlocking the locks. The blood drains from his face as the Alpha storms inside, and slowly he follows, but it’s like an investigation. Rudely, he searches the entire flat, storming and inhaling and when he finds nothing he pins him with a demanding look, “He just visits then? Is that it, paradise?”

Louis closes the door softly behind him, whispers, “I don’t have anyone but you.”

“You don’t even have me,” he sneers as Louis locks the doors, and rests his forehead on the jamb, hiding his belly and avoiding his stare.

“Then why are you here?” his voice quivers.

“Go in the room.”

Chills run up his spine but Louis whispers, “What? Came here to fuck me? Just wanted to make me take another knot like some desperate whore and then leave?”

There’s a harsh laugh. “Don’t twist this shit on me. I didn’t leave you to begin with. I never would have.” You have so many times.

Louis refuses to give in, knows once he’s in that bedroom, he’s doomed, so he tries to explain it all with a feeble voice. “I didn’t wanna leave…I didn’t want to, but I w-w-was scared, and I was upset because….” I’m pregnant. “Because you didn’t bond me.” Somewhat true. Louis is still quite upset over that.

“You could have talked to me. You chose not to. Get in the room.” At the steady demand heat coils in his belly, traitorous Omega body, easily enticed hormones, wash over him as he leans a bit on the door. “I d-didn’t want you to feel obligated to bond me.”

“I already bonded with you. Years ago.”

Louis shivers, then clarifies weakly, “I mean the bite. The bonding bite.”

“You’ve been mine for ten years don’t try to tell me you thought I didn’t want you when I was knotting you and pumping come into your too fertile body.”

“You were all out of control Alpha! You animals can’t control yourselves.”

“Don’t fucking go there, Louis. I was prepared to leave. You told me to stay. And I did because I wanted it. Me. Not my Alpha.”

“You n-never wanted me before,” the boy snivels on a last resort of pity. “I-It was always your Alpha attracted to my Omega. That’s it. You never–,”

A low growl reverberates off the walls as Louis’ eardrums tremble, but he’s jerked around by a heavy hand on his hip and pressed to the door. “Pup,” the Alpha drawls, tight to him, even his baby bump. “Smell me.”

Lashes damp with tears, Louis snivels, and bites his lip against a whimper at the distinct scent, dark and Alpha, screaming ownership, seeping into the Omega’s pores. “What do you smell, paradise?”

“Y-You,” Louis snivels as a hand cups his jaw.

"Look at me."

Unable to stem his wanton omega half, Louis obeys and lifts his damp lashes. Just like that he"s trapped in the mossy plains of Harry"s alight scare, burning with the intensity. "I wish I could have stopped it. I wish I had the choice of which Omega I bonded. I wish I"d had control over us. It was always your choice, never mine." 

Darts, sharp and cruel, pierce his fragile heart as the circumstances of his life become a distant memory. In this moment Louis is not wrong, and he lashes back. Baring his little canines the Omega shoves at him with as much strength as he possesses. Obviously not expecting this Harry stumbles backwards, but before he can get far Louis backhands him so hard his body jerks and staggers. His hand stings, but that"s the least of his pain.

"You want a fuckin" choice?" he shrills at the top of his working lungs. Slowly, Harry looks at him with wild, blown eyes, flared nostrils and blood smeared on his mouth. A proper demon. "You"ve always had the choices! Louis or the drugs? Louis or the whores? Louis or anything else? And every fucking time, Harry, every fucking time you chose anything else! You never chose me to begin with! You chose to fuck me! That is all I deserve, yeah? You had your fucking priorities straight! And now I have mine so don"t you dare....I have more than myself to think of! And it"s funny, you can leave right now! Get the fuck out! I don"t need you, Harry! But I will always have you! " 

Furious, Louis stems his traitorous tears, chest heaving with his erratic breaths. Without warning the Alpha starts for him, footsteps creating earthquakes. Again panic reels through him in every direction.

With his fight drained, flight pitches in and Louis bolts for the kitchen. Just before Harry can grab him, Louis spins and puts the island between them, heartbeat creeping up his throat as their gazes bore. “Don’t run from me. I’m not leaving. I am not fucking letting go. If I leave you’re coming with me. ”

Louis’ heart clenches, turns itself inside out. “You should. We’re toxic to each other.”

“I. Need. You.” 

“Why?” Louis screams in desperation, lifting his hands. “Why am I so needed now, Harry? Why?”

“I’ve always needed you. You said I didn’t. You assumed I didn’t. Because I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I’m telling you right now I fucked up! And I’m sorry. God damn it, paradise, I am so sorry! I’m sorry I hurt you time and time again. I’m sorry I didn’t give it my all. I’m sorry I didn’t try hard enough. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I tried to make everything else more important! I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you. I’m sorry I didn’t fucking tell you! But starting now I won’t stop telling you.” The fierce sincerity in his voice is reflected in his wild stare.

Like never before Louis craves to see into his heart, all the cracks and broken parts, the shadows in the light. For his little love the Omega tries to keep his emotions banked and at bay, needs more than words. “H-H-How many relapses since last?”

“None,” Harry answers seriously, another flare of sincerity to his eyes. “Not since the first two weeks. I…I…Never again. I swear to you. I will never do it again.”

“I can’t believe you. I can’t, I’m sorry,” Louis whispers with his heart threatening to crumble under the weight of his devastation. Before Harry can respond the boy launches himself in the opposite direction, out of the kitchen and down the hall, towards his bedroom on instinct.

A thrill runs down his spine at the approaching footsteps. Anticipating this, Louis bolts, grateful to his balance for keeping him upright rather than tumbling to the floor. Even so the Omega doesn’t make it. Taken around the waist by an iron band that gives him no room for escape. Easily, he’s pinned to the wall, panting as Harry shouts, “God damn it, Louis, don’t run from me!”

A fist shoves through the drywall right beside his head but before there is any serious damage the Alpha drops his head and takes his hand back with little crunches in protest from the wall. With a heartrending sound, Harry whispers raggedly, “You believe in everything but me…I don’t know what else I can do to make you understand I can’t live sanely without you.”

Panting, Louis lets his head fall back to the wall with a dull thud he doesn’t feel around the tornado of emotion. Desire yearns low low low in his belly as Harry struggles to reign his temper. Christ, but Louis is just as bad, so turned on by the dominant anger he’s summoned in his Alpha. “Don’t run from me ever again,” a controlled command. “I’m going to let go, but if you fucking run…Don’t run, paradise.”

In surrender the boy nods shallowly, like he’s not thrilled for the chase, like he’s not going to clash with a volcano the second he’s swept up in his own tornado. The second Harry’s retreated, Louis licks his lips, peers up at him through his lashes as he runs a shaky hand through his unruly waves.

Mindless, Louis rides with his anger, tears towards his room, and makes it. Well, sorta. Again an arm wrenches him around in the doorway, so he faces him with a little yelp, struggling (because he’s gained weight and must be too heavy) though it’s futile. With a demanding growl he’s hitched up Harry’s body, whimpering breathlessly as his large hands splay on his bum, squeezing his flesh like he owns him.

“Tried to play nice,” Harry says through animalistic growls, the sounds flooding him with an indescribable heat. Closing his legs around Harry’s waist, Louis mumbles as hot tears ooze past his lashes. “’M sorry. ‘M sorry, Alpha.”

“What. What are you sorry for,” Harry demands, nosing up his throat and growling so fiercely the vibrations touch every fragment of his body. “Who ‘ave you been with, pup?”

Without permission the boy tosses his head backwards, hands tight on the broad of his shoulders, anchoring them. So needy, the levees burst, and, “’M sorry for bein’ bad. ‘M s-s-sorry for breaking my promise and leavin’.”

“You are so bad,” Harry breathes hotly into his jaw, the bonding scent wrecking through him. “A bad boy. You drive me mad.”

In a blur Louis is carried over to the bed though Harry sits at the edge, easily maneuvering so he is splayed out in his lap, gasping into the sheets. Lithe fingers sneak underneath the waistline of his tights. Trapped in the spandex material his cock throbs, leaking already as Louis whimpers, perking his ass out for his Alpha, already so wet for him. “Gonna let me have you, pup?”

Louis nods wildly into the sheets, grasping the material in both hands.

“Answer me, paradise.”

“Yes,” the boy pants, need whorled in his belly,   “Yes, Alpha.”

“Mmm,” a smoky hum that causes him to tussle impatiently. A hand bears low on his back, and Louis whimpers, jerking his hips so the friction on his cock urges the pleasure so much closer. “Hold still, pup.” Pup. At the word Louis becomes all too aware that his baby bump is pressed tight to Harry’s thighs.

Feverish emotion wells in his heart and spills into his veins. Except then the Alpha is urging his hips up with one hand on his hip, pealing the tights down to reveal his ass, creamy in his lacy panties. A groan rips through the room, painting his skin in a self-conscious flush. “So sexy, pup. Criminal to be so pretty. Who’s this for? Were you goin’ to see whoever’s been scenting you?”

At the stark upset in his Harry’s voice Louis wants to scream, scream his lungs out in defeat. Except the truth is lodged in his throat. “’Aven’t been with anyone, Alpha. Nobody else. Just you. Only you.”

A hand slaps his ass, hard and heavy enough that tears spring to his eyes, a pitchy, “Ah,” tumbling from his wet lips.

“Your scent says somethin’ else,” Harry’s words are raspy, and Louis tries to peer up through blurry eyes but is dazed into pliancy when his hand slaps again, biting at his flesh. “Is this even real to you, pup? Was this ever real?”

In this moment Louis hates him, hates that he knows just how to loosen his tongue and get him to pour his soul out to him when he wouldn’t otherwise. “Yes.”

A large hand strokes his sore flesh as Harry hums, tracing the frilly trim. “Wrong. It was real to me.”  Obviously aiming to punish him Harry lifts his hand from his stinging ass, but he hisses as anticipation winds in his tummy, “Don’t you dare punish me for my feelings!”

In a nanosecond Harry’s demeanor has altered, scarily composed as Louis pants, craning his neck to look at him with his damp fringe in his eyes. Gentle, his hand, hot and heavy, palms at his aching flesh as Louis whimpers, torn between chasing the touch and chasing his orgasm. “Mmm. You aren’t in charge, pup.” Without warning his hand strikes his cheek with vicious intent as Louis moans brokenly, flesh in flames.

“Tell me, then. Tell me how you feel.”  One hand fondles his right cheek, squeezes and kneads as his fingers delve between his full ass, lace grazing his fluttering hole. “Uuh,” the whine is torn from his lungs as the boy tries to hike his hips, throbbing with sensation. “You’re my boy, hmm? Right?” Unstable, demanding.

“Yeah,” the boy assures him breathily, “Yeah, your boy.”

“So talk to me, baby,” a ragged breath as Harry slowly tugs the panties down to bunch where the rounds of his ass meet his thighs. “Wanna know what’s goin’ on in that twisted mind.”

Desperation caves in on him as Louis mumbles into the sheets, hiding his face all the same. “Feel l-like shit. Guilty. Sad. In love. Out of control. Scared. So scared.”

“Why?” Fingers dip between his ass, the rough pads dragging over his throbbing flesh as Louis mewls, fresh bouts of need tormenting him. “Why Louis?” Another blow.

Sobs wreck through him as Louis  trembles, “B-B-Because I need you to be bett’ah for us!” 

Growls, hungry and pleased, ring in his sensitive ears as two fingers sink into his tiny hole. Subjected to the intrusion his flesh weeps, burning and drenched, as Louis writhers.

“So pretty, pup. So perfect. Gonna take care of you,” so raw the heat comes together with an intensity that leaves him clawing at the sheets.

Little mewls form in his throat as Harry builds a searing rhythm with his fingers. Driving into him over and over, prodding mercilessly at his prostate until the energy in his belly comes apart in a vivid rush. A shriek comes from somewhere in his lungs, muffled by the sheets as his cock pulses with his orgasm, pleasure adding to the pregnant glow that’s coated his skin.

Caught in the sensation, the Omega only mewls when Harry tugs his fingers away from his clenched up hole. Without warning Louis is pinned to his back, thighs spread as the Alpha settles over him, weight heavy and hot. With bruising intensity Harry’s mouth closes over his. Eager, the boy parts his mouth, moans breathily when Harry’s tongue dominates, teasing him until Louis fists his curls.

“Please,” he begs shamelessly, desperate to be caught on his knot, trapped and achingly full.

A low groan sends shivers up his spine as Harry drags his mouth, wet and practiced, along his jaw, sucking viciously. Sensation alight in his bloodstream Louis pants as his mouth travels deliciously, “Yes. Yes. Make love to me, Alpha. Fuck me. I need it—I need you.”

In a fluid movement Harry sits up on his knees between his legs, shrugs out of his shirt. Louis stares with his heart an erratic drum in his ears, all wiry muscle, inked and scarred and–

White teeth bared, the Alpha takes the hem of his shirt and rucks the material up before the Omega can protest.

Paralyzed, Louis watches through round eyes as Harry’s wild stare flickers down to his belly. Blinks in time to catch Harry recoiling, tumbling right over the edge of the mattress and onto the floor with a chilling thud. Alarmed, he bolts upright, and crawls to the edge and peers down nervously.

Sprawled out on the carpet the Alpha is motionless, not facing him with his arms at his sides, legs bent awkwardly. “Haz?” Louis whispers, leaning forward just a bit. “Y-You okay, baby?”

Traitorous, his Omega ditches him, scurrying into his minds darkest corner. Faced with the consequences of his actions, Louis almost wishes there was such a thing as mind over matter. Without a doubt he would will himself to evaporate in his thin air this very moment.

Awash with terror Louis’ arm circles his belly, opening his mouth to speak again when Harry seems to reawaken, jerking upright to rasp, “Paradise, I think you’re pregnant.”

Louis diverts his gaze, snivels as anxiety bathes him, “Just a bit.”

Tension builds with the painful silence until Louis dares to glance up at him. Locked on him, fury smolders in Harry’s blown stare. Around him the world falls apart, dread pouring in arctic acceptance. “You don’t have to stay,” Louis tells him, barbwire constricting around his heart. “I d-d-don’t expect you to…Y-You need to focus on you, and that’s okay, I won’t–,”

A menacing growl tears through the room, silencing him. Cringing, Louis doesn’t try to stop his tears from spilling down his paper white cheeks. “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” Dismay lines his tight throat, “I n-n-nev’ah m-m-meant to–,”

“Fuck. You.” Two words. A wrecking ball to the chest. Frantic, Louis hugs himself in attempts to save his fragile heart from its inevitable collapse. “You lied to me.”

“You’ve lied to me plenty,” Louis mumbles because he can’t control his bloody mouth.

“Fuck. You.”

“You’ve obviously fucked me already.” Oh, no, stop stop stop a tiny frightened voice blares in his head. But oh God the boy can’t, doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, doesn’t know why he is provoking Harry like this. His brain seems to have run away from him. Leaving him to this tornado of emotion, out of control and lost.

“Don’t fucking mouth me,” the threat is palpable.

A nervous habit, Louis strokes circles into his tummy, yanking the blankets to hide his little love. “Why change the habit of a lifetime?”

“I could throttle you right now.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time. Well, first time awake I suppose,” Louis mumbles quietly.

“So that’s it, huh?” Venom laces his every slow word. “All this to just get back at me? Let’s see just how many times Harry can fuck up? A game. All good fun.”

Louis struggles to breathe around the sobs wrecking up his throat, “N-N-No. I-I-I-,”

“Shut up. Shut the hell up, Louis or I will make you.”

A senseless retort creeps up his throat, but Harry just, “You must love watching me fall apart without you. You must love that you complete me. Just as fucked up. You love that you are the only addiction I can’t deny.  Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Helpless to the vicious command the Omega obeys, unable to truly see him as his eyes steadily stream scalding emotion, and unable to truly express these emotions because his mouth is cavern of sorrow. “God, what the fuck am I to you? When the fuck did this happen?”  

As his nose drips Louis tries to form the words in his lungs, but only pitiful snivels come to. “I have tried over and over and over! But I am tired of being someone I’m not for you! I am so tired telling myself everything’s okay. Because it’s not! Nothing is okay unless I….” the words lapse with heaving breaths, then, “This is me, Louis. THIS IS ME! I am fucked up, I am broken, and I’m a fucking mess! But I finally fucking found someone!

“I didn’t come here to make you cry. I didn’t come here to even listen to anything you said. ‘Cause I’m done being the silent one with all the apologies. I didn’t come here to get you into bed. I didn’t even come here to beg you to come home. I c-c-came here,” with rapid blinks Louis sees with agonizing clarity how he’s hurt him. In his chest his heart implodes, excruciating and wrong, as Harry stands there with his hand shoved in his unruly curls, bloodshot stare shattered with stray tears.

“I only came here to tell you I found someone. Hoped you’d see him too, b-b-but apparently not even just me is enough. I came here to tell you I’m ready to move on if that’s what I have to do to make you happy. And even though I will move on it doesn’t mean I don’t still love you, because oh fuck I do, you’ll always have my heart…but I f-f-found someone. And it did take everything I have, took you away…I just wanted you to know that. B-B-But I didn’t expect…I didn’t expect…any of this.”

In pieces, dry sobs wreck through him. “I-I-I’m s-s-so sorry. ‘S all m-my f-f-fault. I-I-I never wanted t-t-to hurt you. Y-Y-You’re all I’ve ever wanted. I-I-I,”

Gentle, an unbearably large hand cups the right side of his face. Under the force of Harry’s touch, the Omega comes apart at the seams, aware that he doesn’t deserve comfort because this is his fault. Desperate, Louis brings his hands up to Harry’s wrist, clings to him as his body trembles uncontrollably with the regret railing through him. “You know I hate it when you cry,” an unsteady breath. Louis only squeezes his eyes shut, scalding tears oozing past his lashes. “Breathe, paradise, breathe.”

Somehow he listens, gulping breaths around his broken noises. “H-H-Harry, I-I-I,” he tries uselessly as Harry simply quiets him, “Just breathe. We have time to talk. I’m not leaving. Just breathe.”

Somewhere in this disaster Louis’ lets his Alpha win, and doesn’t feel like the loser.

&&

            As the magma in his veins cools, Harry gathers his feeble, pregnant Omega in his arms, sits cross-legged on the bed and holds him around the waist as his heart-rending sobs are muffled into his shoulder.

Pregnant. With his pup.

At the mere thought heat rips up his spine–nearly burying the circumstances of their current impasse. Another devastating noise rings in his ears as Louis clings to him, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” Oh, baby, I am too.

Except, no, he is over apologizing to this boy. Because fuck, words like sorry mean nothing compared to the actions that prove it. Voice lost, Harry buries his nose in Louis’ feathery hair, and inhales softly.

He has to restrain himself from recoiling, the scent nothing like what he’s come to live on, much too rainy, fresh and entirely too neutral. Except even now the scent of the boy’s need lingers, teasing him.

Emotions scattered, distorted and overwhelming, the Alpha screws his eyes shut and returns to the time he’d first caught the distinct scent of Louis’ desire. 

Wired, the Alpha waits for the lit up manor to blend into the night, an ominous sensation streaking through him at the shadows casted to his peripheral vision. Shadows that stalk him every so often–maliciously screwing with the threads of his sanity. Grounding his teeth Harry remains motionless, propped on the manor’s exterior, adjacent to the glass bridge stretching some measure in guidance to the third house.

Coked up, time escapes him until, with a blink, Harry realizes its lights out, obscurity all that remains to show for the ostentatious fortress Louis resides.

Summoned, a little silhouette appears before him. Before his vision can adjust an achingly soft body steals his attention. Stretched on his tiptoes the Omega’s slim arms circle his neck, a soft kiss planted on his ticking jaw, “You’re so good to me. I love you.”

A frenzied heat lances through his veins but Harry chains his Alpha to circle his pudgy waist. “Tell me.” Of course Louis must know he wants an explanation for his frantic call to come and get him at nearly midnight.

“Grounded. Fightin’ with M-Mum again,” the boy mumbles, breath warm on his jaw. The sensation sets him on edge, makes him want more. That’s never what he needs. “Take me away, Haz.” Lately the Omega seems to be more trouble than anything else, running so fucking hot and rarely ever cold. An unbroken hurricane of emotion. But surely that’s to be expected of a teenage boy at only seventeen. Especially a seventeen year old Omega of his lineage.

Humming low in his throat Harry breathes, “Sneaking out? Bad boy.” This comment earns him a little giggle as Louis shoves at his shoulder, “Oh shut up,” giggling like he isn’t completely serious. For the Omega’s inability to make distinctions between his teasing and his Alpha bullshit, he has never been so grateful.

With a playful growl Harry takes him around the waist, so he’s facing away from him, head on his shoulder. “Shouldn’t let Alphas lure you into the night, paradise.” Oddly, a little shiver runs through his little body before Louis smiles up at him, “Whatta ya goin’ to do, Harry? Ravish me?” The soft lilt to his reedy voice is all it takes for his thoughts to stray places they shouldn’t, trousers too tight with how fat his cock becomes.

“I parked across the field. Start walking,” he orders, staring straight ahead as Louis ‘humph’s, grumbles adorably, “You’re no fun,” but mercifully obeys, such a good boy for him. Christ, if he’d thought his heart couldn’t beat any quicker, he was wrong. So fucking wrong. Right now its seconds from running away from him as they stumble through the field, Louis’ giggles spurring on his lack thereof grace, caught up in the pretty sound, how the night seems as happy to see the light as Harry.

Twenty minutes too long leave them as they arrive at the car. Taking his dainty hand Harry leads him to the passenger side, opens the door as Louis snivels haughtily, “I can open my own damn door.” And fuck he’s sure he can, but he lives on the shy looks the boy gifts him with as he settles in, lives on taking care of him in any little way he’s allowed.

On a whim, the Alpha starts to the drive, steadies his gaze on the road and sings to his song, belting the high notes when Louis makes fun of him, “Sing it, Britney!” Shame doesn’t exist with Louis, and he’d do anything to make him laugh when he’s upset (because he is. No matter the smile, the jokes, Louis is very secure in his determination to seem untouchable, made of steel. That he isn’t, that he is, is all the beauty in Harry’s twisted head).

Like this Harry does his best to ignore him. Ignore the symptoms of Louis-Love. Ignores how his heart races with emotion he cannot comprehend at this point. Ignores the dull hum in his veins, conjured by his presence. Ignores the notion that this is meant.

The problem is Louis isn’t meant for him. Not in this life, anyway. It’s damn hard to get that through to his bloody Alpha.

Out by the pier on the outskirts of London, Harry kills the engine, and asks quietly, “Care for a stroll?”

“Why yes, fine Sir,” the boy purrs in a rather perfected posh accent, mirroring that of his Mother’s.

Tossing him a wolfish grin Harry says, “Wait,” and leaves the car to round the left side of the car, opening the door and taking his extended hand, running his mouth over his knuckles. “Mind if I court you?”

In his seat Louis’ eyes round adorably, sapphire in the night. Anxiety is cast to them, and Harry swallows around his regret to explain, “For the night. Just wanna make you feel bett’ah.”

Licking his pretty lips, the boy nods, and with a thrill of anticipation the Alpha shows him out, holding his damp hand firmly. “’S goin’ around school that,” Louis mumbles with a feeble note to his voice, mouth to his arm, “you’re courting Alana Atkins.”

Tension grasps his shoulders as he forces himself to keep a steady pace, asking quietly, “Mmm. And?”

“Is it true?”

“I suppose. I haven’t explicitly asked to court her, but the intentions are clear. I want to come home to someone.” I want to come home to you.

Easily spurred Louis yanks his hand back, and hugs himself, looking down at his feet as cords of confusion twine around Harry’s heart. “Fine,” the boy mutters with a childish note. “If you’re goin’ out with someone new then I’m going out with someone too. I won’t feel sorry for me.”

Enraged, his Alpha claws at his chest, but Harry shakes his head, takes him around the waist and brings him close despite his resistance. “Won’t change anything, paradise. You’re my favourite everything.”

Louis lifts his face, fringe a mess in his vivid eyes. Sass rewritten on his expression. “You think it won’t change once you’ve bonded someone? You’ve seen bonded Alphas. They’re up their mates’ arses. You’ll forget all ‘bout me.” Impossible.

“You’re mine, though,” Harry presses quietly, stroking his hair from his face. “Couldn’t forget.” How could I? When I close my eyes I’m always somewhere with you.

Seemingly lost in thought Louis doesn’t respond in time, but their gazes cling. The tempest in his stare fucks with his head, makes him feel just as lost, just as violently infatuated, just as possessive. Except suddenly the rain is comes down in fierce pelts and Harry takes him by the arm, yanking him through the howling winds and excessive rain to the car. Inside, Harry laughs roughly at the sight of him, a flushed out puppy, shivering and glaring with murder. “Awe, pup, cold?”

With another throaty laugh, Harry fiddles with the heat, turns it on its highest, then leans over the back to his duffle bags, rummages through the clothes until he finds his winter coat, shaking it out before draping the heavy material over his shoulders, watching as he shoves his arms in and pushes up the sleeves enough to reveal his dainty hands.

Without reason the atmosphere thickens, a sadness crawling down his throat to settle heavy in his chest. And in the same moment Louis crawls over the separation into his lap, the contact tight and too good as his luscious bum nestles his crotch. Jaw working Harry wills his cock to stay uninterested, focuses on the distraught expression on Louis’ beautiful face as he lays him down, reclines the seat and relaxes, hands fisting his hair as his mouth brushes his ear. “I hate my life. I am so ungrateful I want to be normal, I want to breathe without an old Alpha trying to ask for my hand in mating, I want to breathe without people following me, without cameras, I want to breathe without being monitored by body guards, without being monitored by society.  I want you to stay home,” the boy whispers tremblingly. “Hold onto me. If you ever decide to leave me for someone else I’ll go. I’ll go. I will.”

“Who’re you convincing?” he manages around how constricted his throat is, staring at the ceiling of the car. Instinctively, Harry circles his soft waist, “I wish I could make that happen for you. I wish I could make it so you’re not in the spotlight. But I can’t. And the others? They’re just temporary highs. Everyone else is just a temporary high.”

Squirming, the boy tries to sit up, but Harry holds him fast, “I’m always somewhere with you when I close my eyes.” In my heart I’m always somewhere with you.

Louis snivels, mouth wet on his jaw now. “W-W-Why do you put up with me? You don’t with anybody else.” I know. 

With an unsteady breath, “Because you’re this sublime creature that looks at me with those fucking blue eyes that drive me insane. All of you drives me insane in ways that shouldn’t make me feel like I’m on cloud nine or some shit. You’re beautiful. Inside you’re just so…beautiful. Your soul is made of stars and your heart is pure gold.  I’m attracted to your beauty like anyone else.”

Soft, warm against him, Louis whispers, “It makes me very happy when you tell me stuff like that.”

“Why.”

“Because you’re my best mate. I wanna be beautiful and sublime and just perfect to you. For you. I wanna be what you want. Give you what you want.” Christ does this boy know the definition of best mate? Because surely this isn’t it. Surely best mates don’t…

“Babies,” the word is yanked from his vocals when the boy squirms just enough. “Wanna see you all round and glowing with pups.”

“You want me to be pregnant with someone’s pup for you,” he gasps with an upset note.

“My pup,” he corrects stupidly.

“Oh,” Louis whimpers. A sound he’s never heard from him before. Soft and helpless. A sound that drives fire torches through him. “Oh, God, Haz, you’re a freak.”

“I know. Can’t help it. I’m a bit fucked.”

Louis doesn’t respond, nuzzles his throat and squirms. Squirms like he always does because he’s incapable of holding still more than one minute. So the Alpha says nothing all the time, focuses on steadying his breath. In and out, in and out, in and…

Fragrance blooms everywhere, unlike anything he’s smelt before. Delicious, sweet, intoxicating. A growl starts low in his throat, but Louis giggles, with a nervous breathy chime, “Whoa, boy, what’s the–,”

“You wet, pup?”

Louis tenses up, but Harry whispers, “’S okay. I won’t say anything. Just tell me.”

“Yes,” a breathy confirmation as the Alpha closes in his eyes and nods slowly, just savors this, him. Because that’s what Harry does. Savors and savors and savors so when he finally finds who he’s looking for…Harry’s taken enough to live on without him.

“I didn’t know what to do!” Strangled sobs steals his attention. “I w-w-was so scared, Alpha! I just w-w-wanted you to be better. B-B-But I d-d-didn’t want to make everything worse! I never meant to hurt you! T-T-Then the doctors’ said I might want to consider abortion! I d-d-didn’t know what to do, Haz. A-A-And I couldn’t! I’m so sorry I can’t!”

The enormity of his paradises’ misery gouges punishing daggers far beyond his heart, straight to his shattered soul. Torment–the boy in his lap is torment. A torment he is bound to, craves. Suffering at its very best. In control, his Alpha snarls, disgusted with this entire bit.

With the utmost care Harry takes his arm from around his waist to palm at his supple hips, meant to bear pups. Bearing his pup.

With his heart a frantic gun, an automatic rifle firing rounds every which way, the Alpha urges him to face him. It’s effortless with how lost Louis is to hysteria, trembling like his soul’s seconds from escaping his precious body. All but glued to him the Omega circles his waist with his miniature legs and tries to bury his face in Harry’s throat, but before he can Harry cups his throat gently, thumbs at his wild pulse point and whispers, “Paradise, don’t hide from me anymore.”

Hiccupping, Louis nods wildly, arms wound around his swollen tummy. A true bonded Alpha, the pup coming to life in his belly runs his blood cold. Sense returns to him with arctic clarity–it’s no secret that male Omega childbirth is dangerous. A risk to the fathers’ life. Torn, his Alpha lashes out against him. Any bonded Alpha knows to be careful, knows to seek professional security before trying for children. And he didn’t.

Emotion storms in his chest. Frantic, the Alpha focuses on Louis, alive and healthy, but so very hurt. Ethereal in this…condition, features pale in his distress with tears skating down his face. “Paradise…” terror steals his composure, “What did they say? What did the doctor tell you?”

“I-I-It was too early on! They c-c-couldn’t tell me m-m-much!” the boy reacts to Harry’s panic. “S-S-Said it’s g-g-goin’ to be especially d-d-difficult ‘cause it’s my f-f-first pregnancy. A-And if the bl-bloodwork returns a-abnormal t-t-then a-abortion m-m-might be best.”

In an eruption of panic, “Oh, Christ, oh Christ. I…I….No. No. We can’t….It’s a threat to you. We can’t, paradise. We can’t, we can’t, oh Christ we can’t. We need to…We need to get it out of you.”

It’s only when Louis shrinks away from him that Harry realizes he’s dug their graves. Like he’s the enemy, Louis hugs his exposed baby bump, and bares his little canines with a violent expression of betrayal that crushes him. “W-W-What are you saying, Haz?”

“I need you to be okay,” the Alpha begs hoarsely, reasons with him. “I can’t lose you again. Please. Please, paradise. Don’t do this. Don’t give this the chance to take you away from me. I promise we can try again when we know–,”

“I…” the broken expression is enough to ruin him, and he wants to relocate his limbs, drop to his knees and beg him to listen. “This? This is a new life in my belly, Harry. I can’t believe you right now!  H-How can you just be okay with ending our baby’s life?”

Worded like that the Alpha flinches, but his instinctive need to save him is boundless. “I’m not okay! I am not okay, but I know what is more important! There’s a chance that baby could end your life! And I can’t take that chance! ”

“Well it’s not your choice to make,” Louis cries with more strength. “You"ve got some nerve to talk to me about abortion! This is my body so don’t think you get to force shit!  I am not ending this new life in my belly. Regardless if I’m your mate this new life here I’m going to love it! ”

Venomous tears blur his gaze, wavering the room around him. “I just love you. I love you,” the words are torn from his throat. “I’d g-g-give anything to keep you with me. I’d sacrifice anything and everything to keep you safe. And I don’t know what I’ll do if…if…this takes…” but he can’t finish. Can’t say it. Can’t stand it.  An emotional outbreak threatens to steal his senses, but Harry just says thickly, “Paradise, I need to not think for a while or I might lose my mind. I need you to trust me. C’mere, and let me feel you. Just want to listen to your heartbeat.”

An achingly nervous look crosses his features but Harry shakes his head wearily, “No, love. I’m not goin’ to plot against our pup. Just want to be close to you. Want…to be close to both of you.”

Resistance leaves his fragile body as Louis snivels, but nods madly and crawls until Harry can grab ahold of him. With more care than even necessary (slow as to not startle him) the Alpha shoves the blankets out of the way to lay him down. Vulnerable, Louis tries to curl up on his side but Harry settles beside him, torn between the desire to drown in his sublime eyes and get carried away in the rhythm of his precious heartbeat.

But…really there isn’t much a choice with Louis staring back at him with those mesmerizing eyes. It’s the proximity he’s always needed. Hesitant, Harry takes his dainty hand, watching his lashes flutter just a bit as their fingers tangle. Silent apologies swim in his gaze–an agonized scream is lodged in his throat because it’s wrong. He should never apologize for loving the baby in his belly enough to risk his own life for it. But oh God Harry would risk his own life to save him from himself, loves him enough to sacrifice what he’s wanted all his life.

With his free hand Harry reaches out to the little baby bump but Louis tugs the blankets over his body before he can, and squeezes his hand with violent vigor, warning him. Regret rails through him as his Alpha snarls, just wanting to feel his pup, to just connect to it.

Even though the rejection ruins him, Harry respects his limits, respects his caution, and just lies there, lost in his tempest eyes.

Paradise.

Overloaded, at the first opportunity his brains’ activity fades with sleep; paradise is all the stays with him.

&&

            Frantic, the Alpha bolts upright, thoughts in a whirlwind of where is he where is he when it becomes apparent that Louis is not with him. On his feet, Harry staggers through the dimly lit room–bare of personality with clothes in a disarray on the offensive carpet. Twitchy, desperate to have him in his sights so he can’t ever leave again, terrified that he’s already left, Harry storms out of the bedroom, down the hall and nearly collapses with relief. In the opening of the hall Harry can see into the entryway of the neighboring kitchen. 

Fluttering about the open space Louis is uncharacteristically quiet, pausing before the electric-top stove to fiddle with the kettle. Instinctive, Harry stalks forward to wind an arm round the slim of his waist, being a bit to hook his chin on the frail of his shoulder. “Paradise,” with sleep his voice is raspy, guttural.

Against him the Omega is achingly tense. “Hi. Sleep okay?”

Emotion rattles his bones as Harry breathes, “Come back to bed.”

“But my tea…” the poor boy sounds torn as Harry feels.

Nosing up his slender neck the Alpha absorbs Louis’ shiver to hum, “’S a bit late for you to be drinkin’ tea, innit? You’ll be bouncing on the walls all night.”

Leaning into him now the Omega brings his arm up to fist his curls softly. “You slept the day away and–,”

“Can’t sleep without you,” Harry reminds, teasing the curve of his ear with his mouth. 

“And,” the boy continues like he hadn’t spoken, “I’ll need the energy to keep up with you the rest of the night.” A thrill runs up his spine, but is clouded by his alpha clawing at his chest, nagging at him.

“No tea tonight. I won’t deprive you of your sleep, paradise.”

“But I’m too antsy to sleep,” the boy protests petulantly. “Besides I slept a few hours with you. You just always look so tired, and I couldn’t wake you ‘cause if one of us is sleep deprived it’s you. Anyway, I didn’t do much while you were asleep. I was just on my laptop watching footie. So I’ve had lots ah rest.”  

Wriggling, Louis twists to face him, tracing the heavy bruises underneath his eyes. Too pleased with his touch to care that Louis’ aware of his failure, Harry noses at thin his wrist, inhales the fresh scent, welcoming it’s reason.

“So,” the boy drags out the word with an entirely too pleased grin, stealing his hand away. “I win!” And thrashes out of his unsuspecting hold to prance around the kitchen in just Harry’s missing T-shirt, lifting his arms and hopping as he singsongs in that pitchy, lovely voice of his, “Who wins? Louis wins! Louis always wins!”

Leaning on the island Harry tries to suppress his Alpha’s escalating anxiety, watching him rave around sharp corners and objects without any care in the world. With his heart in his throat Harry doesn’t say a word, just smiles weakly when Louis pokes his tongue out and skips back towards him. “I always get my way.”

Catching him around the waist again the Alpha reels him in. So willing, Louis presses impossibly close, resting his head on his shoulder with only dainty palm over the fitful beat of his heart. “Only because I get my way too.”

“Mmm?” the boy mumbles softly into his skin.

“Just…I try to do what’s right by you even when I don’t want what’s right. And by purposefully defying me you just give me what I’ve wanted the entire time.”

“Why do you do that?” the puzzled tone assures him that he’s not quite as split open as he feels. 

“Because,” he says quietly, staring blankly at the kettle. “You always win. You’ve always loved to win at any and everything. And I’ve always loved to let you win.”

Louis giggles, shaking his head a bit. “You’re a low-key sap, Styles. And arrogant enough to actually think you let me win. Ha! Cute.” At the obvious tease in his voice his Alpha comes to life, prowling under his skin as his hand sneaks underneath the hem of his T-shirt, fingertips skimming the swell of his luscious ass as Louis exhales raggedly. Much the same Harry’s breath catches in his throat at how achingly bare his flesh is, how vulnerable he is for him. Spurred by nearly two months without touching him Harry runs his fingertips up the curve of his spine, stroking his frail shoulders, and–

A drawn out whistle pierces his allure as Louis jumps, then, “Tea to the rescue!”

Jaw clenched, Harry retracts his hand to cross both his arms and watch impatiently as Louis fixes his cuppa. Pausing, the Omega pins him with those brilliant cerulean eyes, “Want some?” Before he can decline, “I mean there’s water and apple juice and I do believe there’s some whiskey in there from when Niall visited the other day.”

“Why was Niall here with whiskey?” he asks tightly, irritation gnawing at his bones.  

Sipping at his tea Louis shrugs. 

With a steadying breath Harry goes to the fridge, removes the (basically empty) whiskey flask and a water bottle, inwardly cringing at how empty it is. It’s not like Louis doesn’t have the money to buy his own groceries (hell he’s willing to reckon the freezer is packed with frozen foods), but the boy just isn’t…one to be healthy, and eat right. Which fuck that’s never been a problem, but surely now there must be nutritional supplements his body needs and–

Deciding to look into that as soon as possible Harry closes the fridge, pours the whiskey into the sink and tosses the bottle in recycle before retrieving his water and gulping the liquid in easy swallows. “You need to eat,” he mutters once he’s downed the bottle. Across from him Louis sips at his tea, slowly, savoring. Seemingly reasonless a stunning smile plays with his mouth before a little giggle spills between them.

“Am I funny to you?” he asks quietly, unable to help the smile that’s claimed his mouth in response.

“Not really,” Louis whispers impishly into his teacup, then, once he’s swallowed, “We are going to fight a lot because I could hardly tolerate your Alpha ways when we were just friends. It’s goin’ to be ten times worse now, isn’t it? This whole protective Alpha bother.”

“A thousand times worse,” he warns darkly, crossing his arms. “Fight or no fight you’re going to do what you have to do to secure your health.” The resentful quality to his next words aren’t intentional, “And it’s health.”

“Harry,” Louis bristles, all but chucking his teacup in the sink. “It’s quite upsetting when you refer to our pup as an it.”

Dread knots in his chest as Harry shoves his hand through his messy mop of curls. “It’s going to hurt you.”

“You’ve hurt me, too,” the boy reminds, and though the considerate gleam to his eyes tells him it’s not meant as malicious, the truth still fucking damages him. Pain spears at his chest but Louis only continues, “Doesn’t mean you’re evil. Just like you didn’t mean to hurt me, this pup doesn’t mean to hurt me.”

“There was never a chance I’d take your life.” A weak fucking point, and Louis noticeably thinks the same, narrowing his eyes. When the Alpha only glowers, the boy sighs with a glaringly hurt expression, “I’d like to go to bed now.”

Without permission Louis walks away, towards the bedroom, with Harry trailing him, closing the door inaudibly as the boy scuttles underneath the blankets and curls up. As his tiny broken snivels ricochet in his head Harry realizes this is so fucking wrong.

Like always, he is selfish. So selfish in his hellish terror. This has to stop. Christ, this time he can’t let his selfish fears ruin Louis’s opportunity for the happiness he’s always dreamt of.  Won’t let this be another almost happened, another could’ve been.

Christ, this constant fear is draining, doesn’t have any power over him when Harry thinks about how much he’s always wanted this. Always wanted to have this, pups with Louis. A family even. Perhaps not quite so early, not when he’s just able to hold his own…but God damn it Harry will be better for Louis, for the baby in his paradises’ belly.  The circumstances only strengthen his resolve, ground him.

Somehow the Alpha finds himself on his knees right before the edge Louis’s curled closest to. Whispers, “Paradise.”

There’s a tiny hiccup, the Omega peeks through an opening in the blankets.

In shambles, tears sear his eyes as Harry jumps the gun, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t assure you from the beginning that I want you. And I want this. I want the pup in your belly. I want this more than anything in the world.” Big beautiful blue eyes are fountains of emotion, gazing at him, “I’m just scared.  I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could tell you all those magic words you need to hear right now. But I can’t. I’m scared that in four month’s that pup is going to be brought to life and s-s-something will go wrong. Because this doesn’t happen to me. Good things like this don’t tend to stay. I’m terrified that I’m goin’ to fall in love with this pup like I never stop falling in love with you and then…and then…”

Air refuses to follow the path to his lungs as Harry rests his head on the mattress and focuses on this, now, them. Once the vertigo has vanished with the black on the edges of his vision, Harry lifts his head to hold his damp stare, “I’m sorry, paradise. But I am better. I will be the very best I can for you, for our pup. I want to take care of you. I want to take care of our pup. And if you let me, I’ll never stop. With all I have I will love you. I will never give you reason to doubt me again. I will never let this go.  I will be here for every second of every day and I will do all I can to make you happy. If you let me…I’ll never stop. Until my last breath, paradise. Until my very last.”

Crying viciously now Louis bolts upright, hugging his small bump. Anxious, Harry rises to a shaky stance, says thickly, “I once told you my worst fear was that I’d never amount to the prestige of my dad, that I wouldn’t be enough. I was wrong. My worst fear’s always been you. I wasn’t lying when I told you why I call you paradise. But the first time I said it I didn’t think any of that. I thought it’s going to really kill me when I don’t have this boy anymore. I thought he is the best place to go when I forget who I am. I thought he is the best place to go when I want to forget who I am. And I thought this is temporary. The thought of never being enough for my dad was nothing compared to the thought of you being temporary. I didn’t want to be enough for anyone but you, always. Because you’re my one and only, Louis. This is me, who I found. This is Harry. And I’m asking you to let me come home to you. Let me come home to you for the rest of my life. Please…be mine. Stay. Be my permanent paradise.” 

Exposed, begging, the Alpha stems his tears when Louis shakes his head. Prepared, crestfallen, for the inevitable rejection because he’s fucked up too many times, hurt him past the point of forgiveness. And oh God he doesn’t know what he’s to do without him, what–

In an abrupt rush a little body is launched at him, and on instinct Harry catches him, clings to him as Louis plants wet kisses along his features, sniveling around broken breaths, “I love you. I love you I love you I love you. Yes. Every time yes.”

This must be what ruined truly feels like. Attached, overwhelmed with joy, Harry buries his face in the boy’s neck, unable to care that he’s bawling because nothing can touch him in this moment. No addiction. No monster. No demon. It’s just him, holding onto the boy he won’t ever misplace again. It’s just him, holding onto his only paradise, holding onto the precious pup coming to life between them in paradise.

Dainty hands softly run through his waves, smoothing his hair in silent comfort until he’s rasping, voice raw, “’M sorry, fuck. You just don’t know how happy you’ve made me. Never been so happy.”

“I think I have an idea,” the boy sniffles gently, stroking. “You still have to apologize to our little love.”

“Can I?” he asks in a frenzied desperation to meet his pup, to feel.

“Be gentle,” the boy whispers timidly as Harry dares to look at him. Much the same Louis looks achingly timid, with his bottom lip caught between his canines, cheeks rosy from crying (or he just assumes) and his cerulean gaze glazed over like newly cut glass.  Softly, the Alpha leans forward to place a chaste, reassuring kiss to his sweet mouth, all the while walking them back to the bed. Spreading his petite figure on the mattress as gently as possible Harry breaks the contact to rock back on his heels. Chewing nervously at his bottom lip again Louis holds his gaze, tugging the blankets over his waist to give him the go-ahead, “I…Okay.”

Through wired nerves Harry takes the hem of his T-shirt in tremulous fingers, carrying the thin material up to reveal the small bump that’s curved his once smooth tummy. Reverence sprouts in his lungs, nearly cures him of his nostalgia because Christ there can’t be anything wrong with this. With Louis like this–swelling with so much more life. Radiance is alight over his golden skin. “Ditch the shirt.” Obedient, the boy shrugs out of the offensive material, bare and beautiful.

Thoughtlessly, he grazes the firm swell of his belly, snatching his hand back when Louis inhales sharply. Edgy, Harry tears his gaze away from Louis’ tummy to his wide eyes, brimming with emotion, yanking at his heartstrings. “Sorry,” the boy mumbles, delicious pink dusting his sharp cheeks. “Forget this isn’t a secret anymore. Nobody’s touched little love before. Well, aside from me, but I don’t really count. I mean it’s my, well your pup and–”

“Our pup,” Harry corrects with an overwhelming excitement, the words shoving him straight into the daddy-to-be abyss.

Words failing him the Alpha lowers his stare to the little bump once again. Unbidden, tears spread in his eyes, blur his vision until he’s cursing raggedly, scrubbing at his face, dazed. “Boy or girl?”

Louis giggles with a delighted chime, “Baby, I’m not even eight weeks along. Next week is two months so we won’t know for a while. And anyway, aren’t you supposed to be the pregnancy expert?”

Hesitant, Harry caresses the precious bump, awash with love. “I want to know what your paternal instinct is tellin’ you,” he clarifies gruffly, circling his naval with his thumb. “And I still have a lot of learning to do.”

“Oh,” the boy says breathily. “I dunno that this paternal instinct stuff is entirely reliable but….girl. Little love is a girl.”

“You’ll choose her over me,” the realization crawls up his throat and spills into the space between them. Ashamed, Harry refuses to meet Louis’ affectionate stare, simply regards his tummy sadly, where their tiny invader is safe and warm. 

“I won’t have to choose anyone over anyone,” the Omega tells him, stretching his arm so his delicate hand curls along the left side of his face. Affection he does not deserve, but needs nonetheless.  “No choice to be made. I’m yours. And little love is ours.”

Love is an all-encompassing noose around his neck as Harry bows his head, noses at the boys’ belly, and whispers fervently, “’S daddy, little love. I…I can’t wait to meet you. But while you’re in there I’m goin’ to make sure your lovely papa is okay, and you’re okay.” In silent promise Harry plants tender kisses along the firm, achingly fragile, swell of his belly, until Louis breathes petulantly, “’S not fair that you get to kiss little love and I don’t.”

Sympathetic, Harry smiles into the gentle curve of his belly, murmuring into his skin, “Your day will come, paradise.” Please, God, don’t take him away again.

Without warning the boy sits up, effectively forcing him vertical by snatching his curls until he’s groaning, pulling his soft petite body into his lap and kissing him with a bruising intensity, ignoring the sting from where his lip’s been split to tongue him into submission, tasting the sugary contours of his eager mouth. “Alpha, please,” the Omega mewls, tearing away to mouth at his jaw, “Please, fuck me.” 

Soft, wet, the boy sucks little marks jaw until Harry’s cock is pounding against his zipper. Christ, he just wants to lose himself inside of him, wants to wreck him for all the shit he’s put him through. Wants to love him for all the shit he’s put up with.

Somehow his hand ends up in his messy hair, forcing him to look at him and fuck he looks so desperate for it, all dewy eyes, swollen lips, and rosy cheeks. Admiring, Harry winces when Louis’ fingertips trace his lip, and the boy whispers, “I’m sorry. I…I shouldn’t have cuffed you.”

“No. You shouldn’t have. I would never lay a conscious hand on you. And I expect the same respect. Angry? Walk away. Talk to me. Rant. Rave. I don’t care. But don’t play with fire.” Thoroughly scolded, the boy unleashes the force of his knot-me eyes, chewing on his already bitten raw lips. “Punish me. Fuck me until I don’t know anything but my Alpha.”

Taking his wrist between sure fingers Harry grazes his jaw with his canines, tasting his skin as his cock throbs with his heartbeat, more than ready. “Yeah. How do you want it, pup?”

So responsive, the Omega tilts his head, “However...you want it, Alpha. Just please fuck me.”

“I just want my cock in you all the time. Any way I can have it, pup,” he says raggedly as Louis gives him a little needy noise, rocking slowly in his lap. “Alpha, Alpha, please bond me. Want to be yours.”

Anticipation bullets through his veins as Harry forces himself to think beyond his Alpha, “Not tonight. I need permission. You’re an Omega of worth. I won’t disrespect you like that.”

A little giggle prompts his playful growl as Louis’ nails score down his chest. A feral wildfire starts in his veins as the Alpha pins him on his back, spreading his creamy thighs to fit between them. “Haz, I’m already pregnant ‘membah?”

A low growl rips up his throat as his hips jerk on their own accord. “Yeah, but I don’t want to make this any worse.”

Tension seizes his body before, in such a tiny, insecure voice, “Y-You’re not happy…”

Groaning, Harry retreats a bit to gaze down at him, “You know that’s not what I’m saying. I’m so fucking happy. This…is everything I’ve ever dreamt of. And I’m so ready to take you home, then run up and down Parliament shouting it like the madman I am. I’m ready to do what I have to do to ensure my place as an heir to the Council. I’m ready to be someone again and spend all my life with you. But it doesn’t mean I’m not scared as fuck of your father. I think he’s going to kill me.”

Melted, pliable, Louis strokes his face, grinning from ear to ear. “Well, he can’t kill you if you bond me.”

“Fuck, I love you,” Harry growls, kissing him languidly until Louis fists his curls, mewling, “Haz, please. I need it. Where’s my Alpha?” Adorably, his bottom lip juts.

Need rains down on him, but, “We never made love.”

Irritation bites at him when Louis rolls his eyes, “Romantic bullshit.”

“You think I can’t make you scream when I’m being gentle? When ‘m making love?”

Louis blows out an entirely too annoyed breath, petulant and demanding. “That is not what I’m saying. I feel like screaming right now. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me!”

But his Alpha’s risen to the challenge. Gentle, his canines lock are the boy’s jutting bottom lip, sucking as Louis mewls, nails biting at his shoulders as his hand fits between them, fingers skating over his tight little nipples. Just like that the Omega’s arches, and fuck the sound he gives him is so sexy, so needy. In punishment Harry pinches hard, listening to those noises as his cock presses hard to his hip. With a little pop the Alpha scrapes his bottom lip and grazes his jaw, “I still want to mark you. No matt’ah how pregnant, no matt’ah what bond, no matt’ah what scent, I don’t want you to forget who takes care of you.”

“Territorial bastard,” Louis gasps, eyes screwed shut.

“You’re mine,” he says quietly, sucking fiercely at his throat, “You’ve always been mine.” And fuck control, Christ what he wants is to get his cock inside of him.

Whimpering, the Omega run his nails down the rippling muscles of his back, kicking his head back into the pillows. “Oh, God, Haz.”

“I tried so hard to not want you, to keep from bonding you, but,” delicious red is left in wake of his mouth as he brushes his special skin to start as his clavicle, even when the boy mumbles, “please, no, want to be yours,” because he wants him a screaming mess for it. Growls tear up his throat as he forces him onto his belly, mouth dry as Louis bows his back, face in the mattress, perky ass in the air, begging for it.

Starved, Harry grabs his wet, chunky thighs, spreads them wide to lean down, nosing at his perky flesh, inhaling the delicious fragrance of his slick. Spreading his rounds Harry groans, cock fattening impossibly at the sight of his wet tiny hole. Glistening. “Fuck, pup. You’re so wet.”

And buries his face where he wants to be all the time, between his full cheeks, tonguing at his fluttering hole, until the boy is withering, sobs muffled by the blankets. Delicious on his tongue, Harry keeps him open with one hand, bringing the next up to his balls, squeezing softly as Louis seizes up, hips lurching into the bed as his orgasm prompts another gush of slick, messy and so fucking good.

Driving two fingers into his clenched up hole, Harry growls, kneading his ass again, whispering hoarsely around his vicious cries, “So good, pup. Such a good boy for me.”

Circling his fingers, spreading him, Harry hums, “Yeah. So pretty. Gonna wreck you.” Merciless, desperate to make him desperate for his cock, Harry rubs his prostate, slippery and warm. “Want you to feel it for days.” In a trance Harry bends to mouth at his sticky, trembling thighs, wanting to sink his canines but opting to draw bruises, shuddering as Louis’ broken moans become pitchy. Three fingers is never enough, but fuck, he wants to overwhelm him, split him open.

“Come, pup. Come on my fingers,” as his fingers just barely brush his sweet spot. Powerless to the Alpha timbre in his voice, to the sensation he’s giving him, the Omega convulses, “Alpha,”  clasped around his fingers as his little body slumps.

Satisfied, Harry takes his fingers back, growling at his little mewl in protest to slap his already handprint flushed ass. On fire, the Alpha fumbles with his fly, but manages, shoving his trousers down his thighs, prodding at his hole as pleasure wrecks up his spine. “Want it, pup?”

“Yes,” the boy slurs sleepily. “Alpha, please...I need it. I need it. I need–,”

Out of control Harry forces the head of his cock into his unbelievably tight entrance, grabbing his hips and growling, “take me,” before shoving forward, driving his cock as deep as possible into his sweet body. Ecstasy. Hot around his throbbing cock, Louis clenches up, whimpers, “Gimme, gimme,” until he’s plunging into his hole in brutal thrusts, unable to control the raging need to own him. To claim him. Blind, the Alpha flattens his hand on his swollen, come painted belly, urges him onto his knees to mouth at his exposed, love bitten throat, aiming for that special place. “Mine,” feral as his cock swells at the base, buried inside of him. “Pup, tell me. Tell me.”

Orgasm ridden Louis just, “Yes. Bond me. ‘M yours. ‘M yours, Alpha. I love–,”

And he can’t stop, baring his canines to close them around his throat, sinking into his silky skin. He’s draped over him, drenched with white hot pleasure as his ears ring, locked as he knots with an intensity he hadn’t thought existed. Euphoria no drug could conjure.

In the distance Harry can hear Louis scream, feels his cock throbbing as his come paints the boys insides, but somehow there is nothing physical to be found but the metallic taste of blood as his head spins uncontrollably, discovering just why there is all the hype over bonding.

Surreal–pure, untouched force bleeding into every fiber of his being.

All the shattered shards of his soul come together, multi-faceted light fastened to them. Perfectly imperfect. Pain doesn’t live in this sacred place. Bliss. This is paradise–Louis’ soul, the universe trapped within him, in union with his. Shatterproof.  Beautiful as he’d always known it’d be. It’s basic and elemental as his breath, his blood, their soul.

And the earth doesn’t spin, life doesn’t exist outside of this, outside of his paradise. Everything in the world has grounded to a halt, everything but this connection.

There is nothing missing, lost, broken, his soul glorying in his delicacy, his perfection.

It’s his. This. For the rest of his life. Heart, soul, mind, body, tethered in an eternal promise. One that can’t come undone, unbreakable.

&&

                            An all too familiar sensation wrings his insides, stealing his idyllic recreation. Gagging, Louis struggles to sit up, solid Alpha weight pinning him to the mattress. Sore, achy, the Omega shoves weakly at Harry’s shoulders, unable to speak with vomit creeping up his throat.

Frantic, Louis thrashes, tears threading down his flushed faces as the nausea escalates.

It’s just when he’s going to lose the battle that a hoarse groan is muffled into his working throat. “Paradise…” a sleep-addled rasp.

“Bathroom,” the boy manages to gasp, clamping his damp hand over his traitorous mouth.

In record time Harry’s freed him, and the Omega scrambles out of the achingly warm bed to bolt down the hall to the bathroom, doubled over the toilet as at last the sick rushes up his throat. Vulnerable, Louis gags against the sickness, tears oozing down his face.  

Startled, Louis shrinks as Harry crouches beside him. “No, get out!”

Of course Harry doesn’t listen, bringing one calming hand up to his shaking shoulders, stroking as another wave of morning sickness claims him. Unfazed, the Alpha comforts him, grounds him for the very first time these episodes began to plague his mornings. And oh God it’s so relieving, so lovely. Everything he’s ever longed for.  But… “P-P-Please…leave.”

“Hush,” the Alpha whispers, smoothing his sweat damp hair. “Relax. ‘M not leaving. Just let it happen.” Horrified to be seen like this, to let Harry, who’s already so askance against his sudden pregnancy see him like this, Louis weeps around vomit and saliva, but listens, humiliated enough that his head remains ducked towards the porcelain rim.

Merciful, it’s over as swiftly as it arrived (probably because Louis hadn’t fed his little love much yesterday–guilt flares at the realization), the nausea drifting. Exhaustion claims his limbs as Louis gasps, “I-I-I’m okay. It’s not little love’s fault! My b-b-body just is gettin’ used to this. I’m s-s-so–,” but his Alpha is having none of this. “Enough.” Stealing his breath Harry’s jade gaze softens unbelievably. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t apologise for being pregnant and ill.”

“B-B-But ‘m s-s-so gross,” the boy hiccups, tears scalding his pasty cheeks. “I-I,”

“Oh, love, no,” it’s so affectionate as Harry reaches over to flush down the evidence of his morning sickness, circling his waist to carry his weight as they stand. “None of that, Louis. Literally no. You’re so strong. But so fragile. This happens…Your body is adjusting and it’s beautiful. You’re so bloody beautiful. There’s nothing gross about this…I don’t want to hear that again.” Swamped with endless love the Omega lets Harry support him, sniffling into his shoulder as he’s set on the counter, the cold nipping at his still heated bum. With tender fingers Harry wipes the stray tears, kissing his forehead chastely. “Goin’ to run you a bubble bath. And you’re goin’ to let me take care of you.”

Eager, Louis nods, and through sluggish movements manages to brush his teeth and rid his mouth of the vile aftertaste. As the claw foot tub fills with water Harry joins him, opening the medicine cabinet with no issue to retrieve the spare toothbrush, keeping it in his foamy mouth as he halts the tap.

Once he’s finished the Alpha snakes an arm around his waist, the mere contact calming him like nothing else as he carries him to the tub, slowly lowering him into the hot, fizzy water (just right. Emotion swells in his throat–oh, Haz). As the residual ache in his tummy diminishes, the delicious ache in his muscles intensifies and Louis hums, peering up at him through thick lashes. “Lessgo, Hazza.”

A dubious look crosses his features. “I don’t think there’s room.”

Pouting, Louis scoots to the very end of the tub with his knees to his chest. “Please. I need touch.” I need to remember I’m still me.

“Stubborn.” It’s said with such an endeared look that the boy can’t remember what it is to be unwanted. With an air of confidence Harry sheds his trackies, providing such an impressive view of his cock, soft but still so unreasonably large. A flush blooms over his cheeks as Louis diverts his stare, furious with himself, like Harry could see him as fuck material after his little episode.

But oh God he’s so content with what his Alpha’s given him already. So much. Everything–all he’s dreamt of. The special skin at the junction of his throat throbs sorely. Marking his completion, his fulfillment. There is nothing missing, the lonely hollow in his chest has vanished entirely. Intoxicated by the sensation, the blood in his veins sings, overjoyed to his very core. Alive, a part of his Alpha’s life-force, a vital gift. Easily, Harry climbs in behind, the water rising as he sits, pulling the boy against his chest. With a pleased sigh Louis watches hazily as Harry places his long legs over his, knees bent and ankles level with his as he pulls his feet apart, opening Louis’ legs.

Awhile a comfortable silence spreads, Harry’s nose in his hair. “I just realized I quite like to sleep,” his voice is all syrupy, like when he’s falling asleep.

Louis smiles fondly, opens his mouth to respond but Harry adds, “With you. I quite like to sleep with you.”

“Sleep lat’ah,” the boy dismisses, squirming so water laps at his chin. “Bathe now.”

“Mmm. Game plan. Bath, then–”

“Sex?” Louis chirps hopefully, with a teasing nip to his collarbone.

“Food,” the Alpha corrects, seemingly amused.

“No,” the boy denies, scowling. “Sex, food, sleep.”

“And I don’t tire easily.”

“I win!” Louis giggles, thoroughly pleased with his brilliance.

“Only ‘cause I want it,” in seconds his voice descends a thousand octaves.

“Prove it.”

“Soon.” It’s a promise; one Louis won’t let him break.

&&

             “A-Absolutely not,” Louis tries to catch his breath around the residual pleasure sending shocks through his entire body. Clutching the bulges of his biceps, the boy struggles to think beyond how achingly good Harry’s fucking him, splitting him open with every sharp thrust. “Harry, don’t stop, never stop,” Louis mumbles deliriously around his growls. Swamped by the fervor in his belly the boy is all sensation, full in sweet, violent ways.

“Goin’ to tell everyone,” Harry snarls, gripping his hips and hitching him so his cock drives unbelievably deep. “You’re mine. I won. I touched you in ways they couldn’t ever.”

Overwhelmed, floaty from his last orgasms, Louis nods wildly. “A-Absolutely,” a giggle simmers in his already too hot belly as Harry smirks sloppily, “But first family.”

“No,” Louis whimpers, unable to really remember why he’s so terrified of the idea.

More determined than ever the Alpha pounds into him, delicious pain and pleasure and just love. “Why? Why are you set on hiding this from the people that matter most? They’ll be crushed,” a drawn out groan interrupts as Louis clenches around his cock, purposefully, “when the media tells them instead of us.”

“’Cause I care about what they think!” Louis hates his inability to be quiet in bed. But his Omega is wrecked, chanting anything for Alpha anything anything anything. “And I hate that you’ll be the target! They will be so d-d-damned–fuck, Haz–callous towards you. They nev’ah see you for you. ‘S always your addiction or your faults or anything less than perfect! ”

“I don’t care, paradise, I don’t,” Harry’s rhythm slows, prompting an upset sound from him, “Their opinions don’t matter when you’re looking at me like I’m a bloody prince.”

“Princess,” Louis mumbles stupidly, “I rescued you.” Somehow the Alpha’s mouth is on his, breathing him in before, “Yeah. Yeah, my paradise prince. Glad we’re in agreement for once.”

Rucked up the mattress Louis tastes his mouth, wants to taste all the light left to his soul. But it’s too late when Harry’s pounding him into the mattress, relentlessly stabbing at his sensitive bundle of nerves, spreading white hot ecstasy through his veins. A scream is torn from somewhere in his lungs as his body seizes up, giving up control, coming with bursts of light behind his eyes. Sobbing, in an eternal spiral, Louis comes dry seconds behind the first orgasm once Harry’s knotted him, pulsing into his already taken body, sinking his teeth into the best spot on his body.

Nonexistent Louis knows nothing but his Harry, their soul an eternal promise.

&&

            “Paradise,” his voice calls to him once an eternity has left him spent. “Please, give me an indication that I didn’t hurt you.” Anxiety creeps into his voice, enough that Louis slurs, “So cocky.” Vision in a worrying blur the Omega can momentarily only make out the smug expression on Harry’s beautiful face.

“Welcome back,” the pleased tone makes Louis want to pinch his stupidly sensitive nipples, but sadly his limbs are nowhere to be found.

“I despise you,” the boy’s throat sorely protests. “Not the best fuck I’ve had.” Absolutely the best.

Cheeky, Harry smiles, pupils blown as his hips press forward just a bit. A helpless whimper leaves him as his knot tugs in the best ways. “You’re in denial, pup.”

Creamy on the inside, Louis clenches around his throbbing cock, watching as his mouth parts a bit. “Okay…that sounds fake, but okay.”

With an unbelievably boyish laugh Harry whispers, “Too much time on Tumblr I’d say.”

“You try bein’ knocked up and alone basically every waking moment for two months. Gatta pass time somehow. But now,” a mischievous smile stretches his mouth, “I have my Alpha to give me all the attention and love and sex and time and diamonds I want.”

Curls in his face Harry smiles slowly, that boyish ‘that’s-right’ grin, “Damn right. Luckiest Alpha in the world. I cannot wait. We’re going to take a room on the third floor because it’s safest. And we’ll make little love a connecting room, but let’s keep a bassinet in our room too. I’d like that. I think that’s what we’ll do ‘cause I think I’ll lose my mind with worry if I can’t feel her gentle presence. And then you won’t have to go far when she’s hungry in the middle of the night, or I won’t have to go far, if you’d rather not–,”

Dazed by Harry’s enthusiasm, Louis says, voice quivering with the tears spreading in his eyes, “Haz, babe, slow down.”

“But I just…I’m tryin’ to convince myself you’ll still be here...” the vulnerable panic in his voice does it. In seconds Louis dissolves in ridiculous tears, ashamed at how much been he’s crying lately, in front of people (just two nights ago Niall and Josh visited and snuggled on his sofa all throughout ‘I Am Legend’ and Louis bawled like a babe because the loneliness had been too much. Niall, knowing he can’t stand to let others see him so helpless–because he isn’t damn it– took him into the room and held him until he got it together), but this…this is his Harry. And hell Louis doesn’t care because he’s never been anything less to Harry, who’s already bared his heart, his soul, his being, to Louis much the same. Alphas don’t cry often, but Harry’s held so many tears in, and Louis would gladly hold him in his arms forever while he wept. Because there’s so much beauty in Harry shedding his steel armor. Only for him.

“I’m goin’ to be okay, baby,” Louis whispers into his damp curls, barely feeling the sting as Harry leaves his body to curl up in his arms, bundling in the blankets and resting his head on his chest. “I promise I am going to be here to raise our little love. I promise I promise I promise.”

“Pinky promise,” the Alpha rasps, lifting his hand and holding his pinky out to him. Louis doesn’t hesitate, wraps them and kisses his hair, “I pinky promise. I will always win for you.” With his very being the Omega wills it to be true.

&&

            An entire week Harry indulges in his paradise–refuses to leave the confinement of the Omega’s flat, refuses to share him with the outside world. Just needs to remember this, them. An entire week Harry worships him like he hadn’t been able to before.

Does those little things Louis adores so much–because for all his extravagancy Louis remembers the simplistic actions, words, and times. Christ, Harry adores this, adores when he brings up memories Harry can’t even think to think of, “remember that time Grimmy interviewed us on our unusual friendship and you told the whole Council student body that you were in love with me? I think I about swooned,” or “Or the meal I cooked for you?” or “I saved every birthday card you sent me when you were away,” or “your grunge photographer stage, I loved those pictures,” until Harry thinks there is no way he could have ever bonded any other Omega. Not when there is this boy, this rich little brat with a heart of pure gold. 

In this week Harry tries to prove that he can do this, care for him in the ways he’s always longed for. Grasps the concept that they’re going to be parents in seven months. A fumbling, inexperienced daddy at 22, but a damned good daddy nonetheless. Swears on every star he’s going to love this pup nearly as much as he loves Louis. Late at night Harry talks to his little love when his Omega is asleep, fucked out and unaware. Nostalgic, and so ready to grow with his little love, for them, for himself.

Worries evade him, until it’s time to actually sleep. Somehow, despite his mind’s blaring protests, his body’s decided it’s no longer exhausted to the extreme, which means his brain manages to force the night terrors to the surface. All too real. All too horrifying. Anything in range, breathing and human, is threatened. It’s too much when he wakes up in hoarse shouts, the past lodged in his brain. And oh God it’s too much when his mind thinks Louis is the enemy, when his body immediately wants to strike against an attack that isn’t coming. When the Omega is looking at him with scared, pleading eyes, clutching his tummy like he’s as afraid of what Harry’s capable of.

And so Harry either lays awake, guarding them, or migrates to the sofa, managing to catch two hours of rest before sneaking back to bed (before Louis wakes up). Except the Omega figures out his pre-cautionary measures midway through the week, unusually early to lock himself in the bathroom, muffling the gags until Harry is standing outside the door, “Lou, love, please, let me in.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Louis calls back with such an upset note that Harry calls on his control to stay calm.

“What’s wrong, Louis? Aside from the obvious.”

“You ditched me. I-I-I woke up alone and t-t-thought you abandoned us,” the boy mumbles before the deafening sounds of his sickness float from the otherside.

“You should know better,” Harry says matter-of-fact, leaning on the jam as his body feels too heavy. “I would never…I’m fucking offended.”

“Go…be offended somewhere else, dickhead,” Louis hisses around splashes.

“You’re being ridiculous,” the Alpha snarls, temper flaring because what the fuck, what does it take to please him? Christ, he’s just exhausted, hasn’t slept in fourteen hours, seconds from succumbing to his body’s fatigue, wanting to stich his eyes open to make sure Louis’s not alone even when they’re in a minor row. “Look, I’m not sorry for trying to protect you, and our little love, from my demons. I’m tired, Lou. I don’t want to fight, can barely keep my eyes open, and–,” the door opens and Harry falls into the bathroom, Louis squealing but evading just in time.

Balancing himself on the wall, Harry regards him through droopy eyes. Louis’ expression melts, “Go to bed, Harry.”

“I can’t sleep without you near me.”

A troubled look clouds his features before he sighs softly, but moves to brush his mouth hastily, then linking their arms and dragging him into the bedroom. Anxiety rails through him as Harry mutters, “No. Just go, paradise. I–,” Louis only drapes an arm around his waist, “I hate to see you like this. Please, Harry. Sleep.”

Disgustingly weak Harry surrenders to the darkness. It’s so many hours before Harry comes to, sluggish, but able to function. Blearily, the Alpha finds Louis seated Indian-style beside him, with an entirely too guilty expression. Looking down Harry sees why–a plate is balanced on his knees, greasy slices of pizza piled. “I’m weak,” Louis moans plaintively, “I know I shouldn’t have but I ordered pizza and I am so happy and hungry and God damn it I am eating this pizza, Harry.”

Unable to help his smile Harry croaks, teasing him, “Could’ve ordered veggie toppings.”

With an entirely revolted look, the boy bites into the pizza, groaning with such delight. “’S good. ‘S good for my soul,” he mumbles around mouthfuls, then pauses, a pretty pink dusting his sharp cheeks, “’M sorry, ‘m a little pig.”

“Keep goin’. I love knowing your belly’s full.” In his pants his cock twitches at the mere thought, his Alpha just as pleased with his response once Louis smiles shyly, and goes back to his greasy pizza. Too soon it’s over with three slices of pizza, Louis sprawling out, “That was the best meal of me life.”

“Heeey,” Harry says, shimmying up the bed to nose at the swell of his already so rounded belly. “You don’t enjoy my food.”

Louis frowns adorably, “No! Baby, that’s not what I meant. I love–,”

Barking out pleased laughter, Harry manages, “Paradise, I was only teasin’ you.” Planting an apologetic kiss to his tummy, Harry absorbs his shiver. Whispers in awe, “Little Love is already so…” Louis narrows his eyes, but Harry finishes regardless, “big.”

“In other words I’m already so fat,” Louis mumbles.

“Pregnant,” Harry reminds wisely. “You’re goin’ to gain weight, baby. You’re carrying another life in your tummy.”

“I guess,” the boy allows, stroking his belly with an ‘in-love’ expression. “I hope she’s comfy in there. I hope I can make enough room. She really is a bit big for only eight weeks. Should I be worried? I probably have a lot of the water stuff. What’s that called? Or maybe she’s just big like her daddy and–,” without warning Louis gasps, sits up and folds.

In his veins his blood freezes as terror fists his heart, “Paradise. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, Haz. Just nauseous. I think ‘m gonna be sick.”

With a somewhat relieved breath (they can handle this, this isn’t…life threatening) Harry carries him swiftly into the bathroom, cradles him as Louis whines, “C-C-Can I just purge already? I hate this. Why when I finally get my pizza? It’s so shitty, it’s –,” seems not even his body can resist his desire as he doubles over the toilet and vomits violently. “I’m sorry, paradise,” the Alpha breathes, stroking his shoulders as moans echo into the toilet, “I wish I could help. I don’t know how to help.”

“Just stay with me.”

And so he does. Always will.

&&       

            It’s just when they’re about to leave the flat that Harry’s phone begins to chime, ringing from his back pocket as he’s shoving Louis’ luggage into the boot of his Range Rover. “I got it,” Louis chirps, fishing it out of his pocket before, “Hi. This is Tommo, Harry’s–Mum?”

Shocked, the Alpha faces him with a quizzical expression, watching as Louis’ brows furrow. There’s the distinct sound of Jay’s voice as Louis blanches. “I…I’ve been busy. I’m sorry to have worried you, mum. But I’m fine, w-w-with Harry. We…um…made up.”  Yikes. Surely Jay will not be happy to find out Louis’ given him yet another chance. Then again Harry doesn’t care, because he’s greedy, and he’s already claimed what’s his. There is nothing, nobody that can tear them apart now. Not even themselves. An enriched thought. 

A helpless look crosses his pretty features as he bats at his fringe. Snatching the phone Harry accesses speaker in time to hear Jay’s outraged, motherly voice, “I don’t care how busy! You best call me.  We have been worried sick over your disappearance! Your father especially. I hope you know what you’re doing. I love Harry, I do, Lou he’s like my own, but after all that’s happened…” Exactly.  

Louis wrings in hands nervously, spares him a wide-eyed apologetic look. “Yes, mother. I will call papa as soon as I get home. I’m really sorry. And I love him, mum. He’s it for me.”

“Are you alright, baby? This isn’t like you. You haven’t visited in months. I’m very concerned,” her tone softens considerably as the Omega gives him another helpless look.

“Hi, Jay. It’s Harry. It’s nice to hear from you.”

“Harry, it’s nice to know I can count on you to pick up the phone,” Jay says firmly. “Next time I’d appreciate some consideration. And next time you’d best remind my son to call me or face my wrath.”

Though the Omega winces, burying his face in Harry’s arm, the Alpha is unmoved, replies with sympathy for the boys obviously alarmed mother, knowing just what it means to be panicked over losing Louis. “I will, ma’am. I’m very sorry. But I assure you Louis’ perfectly fine.” Sort of.

“You two have a lot of explaining to do,” Jay claims curtly. “Your parents are absolutely worried, Harry. And they’ve tried calling as well,” fuck, that’s right, he’d forgotten to return those calls. “We’re hosting dinner Sunday. Just our family, as well as yours. I expect the two of you here at exactly noon. Understood?”

Louis’ horrified sound is muffled into his shoulder as Harry swallows thickly, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Swell. Be safe. Despite your carelessness I miss you both terribly. Please tell Louis I love him. And I love you, Harry. I need to take Daisy to practice now, but I’ll ring again tomorrow.” Shocked by the abrupt affection Harry rudely hangs up without another word, tugs Louis into an achingly tight embrace and simply stands there. Since when has Louis’ mum loved him? Since when has anyone but paradise missed him?

It’s not until Louis speaks that Harry realizes he’s spoken out loud, “See! I t-t-told you! You’re so loved, Haz. We’ve all missed you. ‘S not just me. It’s our family, too. Our friends. Poor Liam’s always asking how you’re doing. I know they care. They’re just a bit pissed. They’ll come around. Everyone’s at fault in some way. They didn’t reach out to you either. Like everything else it’s in the past.”

Emotion balloons in his throat. “But it happened, Lou. How can you just ignored the fact that–,”

“Because it’s over, baby. Yes, it happened. But what’s done is done.” What’s done is done? What’s done is…done. “Yeah, exactly. The now is what matt’ahs most. Nothin’ can be undone. You’re better than what happens. No, you deserve what’s happening now. Nothing will ever change what happened, but you can change what’s happenin’. Everything else? It is what it is.”

An overwhelming sense of relief settles over his shoulders–temporary, but enough to give him the now. Bring him back to them. Their bond. Their pup. Their life. Together.

Nosing at his feathery hair, Harry whispers, “I want to focus on our happiness…”

“But,” Louis prompts in the same barely audible voice.

“But I can only handle focusing on better right now...”

“’S okay. Happiness helps bett’ah.” But the Alpha can’t really delve into the meanings, too on edge as is. So instead the silence settles, until Louis mumbles, “Take me home, Haz.”

Christ, Harry is so ready to. And this time he’s staying.

The mere fact in that thought steals his breath, hums in his veins and electrifies his mind.

“No leaving this time…” just to be sure, just to hear him, confident and sincere, for the first time in so damned long. “Eternal.”

“Eternal,” Harry confirms gently, thinking bent, not broken. Bent in this swift moment. Broken without him. That’s okay. For once between them it’s okay. It’s okay for Louis to love him for who he was, who he is. An addict, broken any time else, ash in the wind.

Just once, like this, he’s not broken. Lost, bent, a mental mess, but not broken.

&&

            “I’m so sick,” Louis whimpers, very pleased with how believable it is (all miserably and feeble), especially now that he’s pregnant. See, he’s constructed the perfect plan to get out dinner with their family. It’s not necessarily deception as he’s still experiencing morning, afternoon, night, sickness, random episodes, scheduled ones too. Just it’s not so very terrible that he’s incapable of functioning, but what Harry doesn’t know, can’t hurt him. Knowing this the boy sets his plan in motion two days prior to the meet, “Haz, ‘s hurting.”

Okay, so Louis can’t meet Harry’s terrified, achingly concerned stare, dampening his eyes with thoughts of separation (Louis can bawl in the showers for hours over the mere thought). “Do I need to take you to emergency, paradise?” Controlled, prepared. “Talk to me, pup.”

Louis shakes his head feebly, “No. I just need to rest a while.”

“Are you sure? Please, Lou, don’t make light of your pain. I need to make sure you’re okay,” disturbing, Harry’s voice breaks as he palms at Louis’ achy hipbone (the pregnancy having nothing to do with that soreness, rather Harry, the animal), “And I can’t do that if you’re being secretive or…silent…or…” the poor Alpha stumbles over his words, miffed.

“Baby,” Louis says in a tiny voice, “I promise it’s n-not an emergency I just need rest.”

Seemingly torn, Harry runs his hand down his face and scrubs at his eyes. “I don’t want to freak out but I’m freaking out and I think I’m going on a jog.”

Anxiety knots in his chest as the scrambles upright and fists his hair, “No! You can’t l-l-leave me in my death bed!”

Tension grasps Harry’s figure before, without warning, detaching him in a fluid motion.  A sociopathic expression claims his beautiful face, “Don’t say shit like that. Ever again.” And he’s storming out, without a backwards glance, leaving him just like that.

Downstairs the slam of the front door ricochets through every crevasse of the house, of his soul. Alone, Louis hugs his baby bump, strokes as angry tears flare in his eyes. “Well fuck daddy then,” the Omega snarls, regretting the words instantly because his body doesn’t need this stress, doesn’t need Harry’s tantrums.

Between little, traitorous tears and petting his belly the boy must fall asleep because then he’s surrounded by darkness, hazy. “’M sorry I’m so sensitive,” Harry’s rasp does not startle him, subconsciously already aware of his presence. “I’m sorry I stormed out like that. I needed…to…to remember that there is no enemy. I’m such a shitty father already. Don’t hate me. I just think our pup is the enemy. I’m so sorry.”

Louis crawls over to where he’s stretched out on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Not the least bit nervous Louis straddles him, settles down with his ear to his heart, listening to its melody. Tangling their fingers, the Omega sits up again, holds his hurt, vivid stare as he brings their hands underneath his top and on his belly. “You love us.”

Lowering his lids Harry whispers, “I love you.”

“Your baby,” the boy breathes silkily as the Alpha untangles their hands to flatten his own on his belly. The touch is so hesitate, so tender, that Louis nearly bursts with love, knowing with every fiber of his elastic being his Harry won’t hurt their little love. Not now, not ever. “Our pup. I pray every night she looks like you. So you see what you created.”

A soft smile stretches his mouth. “We created. And I want her to have your eyes. I wouldn’t mind to see me in her too, though.” Idly his hand caresses, cleanly with his care. “To know I could actually help create a precious tiny pup…oh Christ I love her. I love her, but not as much I love you.”

Even as his heart strangles him Louis understands. Understands not because he’s unable to love them equally, because he does, but because this is bonded Alpha mentalities. It’s impossible to have an Alpha value anything over his or her Omega. Impossible…Omega first. Pup second. Everything else irrelevant. Louis has always found this to make no sense, watched countless documentaries that scientifically explained why the animal qualities differed from the Homo sapiens and the Homo erectus. Because it’d been a nagging question when he was younger, and courted constantly. Seems, unlike actual animals, the main concern to reproduce no matter what the cost, Alpha’s believe the mate is most important, able to be bred constantly and provide them more offspring that one pup taking their Omega’s life and in the process the Alpha’s bonded essence. Louis understands. Primary evolution. “B-But…you love her, don’t you? You’ll protect us, her, won’t you, Haz? You’ll always take care of her?”

“Yes. I’ll guard my loves with my life…I love her, Louis. I’ll always protect her like I’ll protect you. But…” Shame showers his words, “You’re first. In my heart.”

Louis wants to weep. Give until he’s numb. Because his Omega needs to be first in his heart, like any other. But, “She can be first in our heart. Our special bond.”

Slowly, Harry nods, then breathes hoarsely, “Yeah. There, in our heart, she’s first. She can have my life. But she can’t have yours. ‘M sorry I won’t choose her if worse comes to worst.” 

“No choice,” Louis whispers, wanting to scream save her save her save her, because oh God he won’t want to live after that. Couldn’t stand to know… “You won’t have to choose. I’m goin’ to be okay. We’re goin’ to be lovely parents. You’re on discipline. I get to have all the fun.”

“Ha!” the Alpha barks that endearing cackle, leaning forward in a position that must be hard on his already bad back, to plant a kiss to his belly. “Well I get to spoil her. Time out, then anything she wants.”

Melting, Louis is lost to the visuals Harry creates; painting pictures of their future.

And oh God does it look like paradise.

&&

            See, Louis is quite clever, absolutely fooled him at first. But, to Harry this boy is an open book, and it’s not so hard to see right through his little act.  Because he lives to watch him play his mind games, Harry pretends to believe him, when he’s whining over his ‘sickness’ Harry plays stupid, like there is no red flags when Louis demands to be knotted at every opportunity, exaggerates his pain only to be fine the second Harry mentions actual hospital care, energized like never before (singing in the showers, engaging in mates play, dancing until he’s flushed beautifully and exhausted, talkative as ever–the thing is the rare times Louis is sick, the boy is an distant, unresponsive bundle in the blankets).

Let’s this go on until Sunday morning arrives. Buzzing, Harry cooks more than two people need, headphones blaring in his ears. Afterwards, the Alpha finds his Zen outside in laid out blankets, practicing yoga and glaring at their neighbor, drilling holes into his back with his hungry stare. At ease Harry reenters the house to peek into their bedroom, rolling his eyes at how Louis’ little figure is absolutely still–even in sleep the Omega is unable to stay still, tossing and turning the whole night through.

As to not ‘disturb’ his ‘sleep’ the Alpha uses the guest bathroom to shower. Does so without interruption, towel drying his lengthy waves, combing through the damp mane until it’s decent, curling at his shoulders. The satisfaction doesn’t last. The man in the reflection still looks like wreckage; those fucking bruises underneath his empty stare mock him like nothing else, the slight gaunt to his cheekbones not complimenting his cause at all.

Desire wounds in his chest–fuck it’d be nice to see the mental, emotional shifts, progress, glued to his appearance. But no. There is no indications of these monumental changes. 

“Still the same sick fuck,” a voice he’s not heard since bonding taunts, razorblades leaving his veins dry of contentment. ‘A snort or two might help.’ The neglected addict within aches with starvation–Harry hopes in time he’ll starve to death.

A dark entity snakes around his throat, an inescapable noose. “Leave me alone,” Harry’s voice sounds strangled. Go figure.

‘We are you. And we aren’t goin’ anywhere. Only one way to get rid of us…’ Snorting up. Saliva pools in his mouth. Disgusted, the Alpha balls his hands into fists, and glares at the demons lurking in his stare.

Rage blinds him. Somehow the mirror is shattered. Knuckles bloodied. With the largest piece of filtered glass Harry looks into the reflection. Catches Louis’ reflection all the same. Stomach churning Harry drops the piece into the sink and turns to face him. “Bad day?” the boy’s voice is an unsteady breath.

Blankly, Harry says, “Somethin’ like that.” Bad mind. Thoroughly fucked up.

With an achingly gentle expression Louis’ gaze flickers to his bloodied hand. Steady in his elegant approach, Louis takes his wrist, “Oh, baby. Please, don’t be so reckless. Wear gloves next time you’re smashing mirrors.” Like that’s nothing fucking unstable, like its normal.

Grateful, Harry only manages, “You aren’t…afraid?”

In seconds Louis lifts his gaze, dancing with the sweetest acceptance. “Of course not. You won’t hurt us.” Once the Alpha only stares in complete adoration, rose dusts his sharp cheeks, “Where’s the first aid? Let’s patch this up.” Having grown up the eldest the Omega seems to be quite acquainted with disinfecting, tweezing glass shards (which might have to do with the time Lottie stepped on that bottle), and patching up with gauze and tape. Once the stingy care is over Louis kisses his bandaged knuckles. “All set.”

“I…thank you. I…” Words fail him. So he tips his face and kisses him, expressing his gratitude with soft strokes and heavy breaths, tearing away to plant chaste kisses over his features. Louis giggles, “Rescued my princess yet again.”

Christ, it’s like he’s superior, the shit in his head…vanished. Just like that.

“My hero,” he says in a shrilly voice, latching onto his throat, listening to his stunned, pretty gasp as his mouth works on his delicious skin. “You make me bett’ah,” he breathes hotly, nipping at ear until Louis’s purring, wanting again.

“Haz,” Louis gasps, nails raking down his back as his muscles bunch, hands splayed on the backs of his chunky thighs so he’s wrapped around him, anchoring them as Harry’s mouth claims his again. “I want to please you, Alpha.”

Growls rip up his throat as the breathy mewl excites the fire in his veins. “Yeah. I want to watch you finger yourself. That’s goin’ to fuckin’ please me.”

“Right now right now,” Louis whimpers eagerly, nodding wildly as Harry sets him on the mattress, groaning at how beautiful he is in the soft morning light, so needy already with his pretty cock flushed between his legs.  Without permission the boy folds up on his knees, reach around to sneak his fingers between his perky cheeks, whimpering as Harry’s stare latches onto his ass. Such a lovely view, longing winds in his stomach as his cock fattens impossibly. “Go ahead, baby.” Forcing his stare to where his face is in the mattress, glossy stare focused on the bulging outline of his cock in his pants. “Yeah. Goin’ to be inside of you.”

Mouth round Louis moans, so loud, so fucking loud. “Go on, pup. So sexy. So fuckin’ pretty.”

Gripping the perky globes of his ass, Harry kneads, aware of his rushed rhythm, the intoxicating scent so thick in his nose that he just has to watch. Spreading his ass, the Alpha growls, watching two little digits sink into his puffy, soaked hole. “Haz,” the boy whimpers, jabbing relentlessly, circling as to stretch his hole more. “Haz, ‘m ready, just please.”

“I want you to come on your fingers,” Harry orders sharply, “Finish up, pup. Give me what I want.”

So very eager Louis pace quickens, his little “uh, uh, uh,”s escalating with every thrust. Flushed almost red Louis’ hole flutters, impaled on his knuckle deep fingers as the boy convulses, moaning softly into the sheets. And fuck Harry’s cock is throbbing, needs to be inside, tugging his pants down to grip where his knots forming at the base, growling as Louis’ fingers leave, the sight of his gaping whole stretched not nearly enough, but clenching around nothing as the boy begs, “Put it in, Haz, put it in.”

Shoving into his hot, tight entrance Harry groans around the sudden clench as Louis cries deliriously, “Too much. Hurts so good…”

Unwilling to make the stretch worse, Harry stills, tweaks at his hard little nipples, pleased by his involuntary motion, hips jerking into the mattress, forcing his cock to drag slickly. Pleasure wrecks up his spine. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, need to just…” before he manages to finish he’s slamming into him, the friction on his cock sending him to heights he’s never been. Nothing exists but the hot sensation, fucking into him, his little body jostled by the force. Pure instinct, Harry leaves his body to force him onto his back, lifting his legs so they’re on his shoulders. Drawing into his already fucked out hole Harry rams into him, watches him claw at the sheets, tossing his head back and forth.

“Am I hittin’ that spot, pup?” he asks between choppy breaths, hips working on their own accord, chasing his pleasure as Louis moans, “Oh, oh, oh, baby, yes, baby, please.”  Stare locked on the round of his belly Harry is consumed by the heat, snarling, “Who did that to you, paradise?”

“You. You, Alpha.” Always needing some control the heels of his feet dig into his shoulder blades, holding him.

“What’d I do, pup?” his thrusts lose pace, balls tense, on fire as his knot expands.

“Knocked me up, ‘Aaz. Bred me,” Louis mewls, clenched down on his cock as pleasure flares hot everywhere, knot splitting him open as the boy trembles. Coming jets from his jerking cock, everything.

Unhooking his legs the Alpha situates them gingerly as possible, on his back to keep from crushing his precious cargo, Louis sprawled out on his chest, impaled on his knot. “Christ,” he says once he’s caught his breath. “You’re…” but he can’t find an exact word to describe his worship. Even perfect sounds pale.

Seemingly lost to his orgasm Louis just gasps, post-orgasm shudders the only indication that he’s here.

It’s when he’s on the clouds of contentment that the Omega lifts his face, smiling dopily. “Hey,” his voice is significantly coarse.

“Feelin’ bett’ah I reckon,” Harry comments flippantly, watching the heat spread on his face before he’s back to nosing at his chest. “’S always bett’ah when my body’s distracted by pleasure. When I lay with you. Always comes back though.”

With an entirely amused grin the Alpha asks, “So you’ve not been dramatizing your…condition?”

Tensing, the boy clenched around his steadily throbbing cock, tripping up his breath. “Why would you even ask that?” So outraged, like Harry’s absurd to even think so.

“I’m not as stupid as I seem sometimes, Louis.” Irritation spikes his heartrate. “I don’t know how you could think I can’t tell the difference between when you’re actually sick and when you’re taking the piss.”

Trapped, Louis snivels, “I am not taking the piss. Sometimes it’s not so bad! But when I’m up too long it is.”

“So you can’t go to dinner tonight?” Harry asks tightly.

“No,” Louis says in that tiny upset voice. “I just don’t feel up to it. My body’s frail.” The sex says something else.

“And this is how I know you’re not quite so sick. You wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not showing up due to any nonlife threatening, harmless sickness. Especially when it’s your family.”

“I’m pregnant and sick. Get off my case,” the boy says weakly, seeming to figure Harry’s memorized his every facet.

“Alright. You can be pregnant and sick at dinner. Conversation closed.”

By now his knots gone down enough that Louis rolls away, and Harry hisses, not expecting the abrupt loss. “I’m not going. Conversation closed closed.” Clutching a pillow Louis avoids his stare until Harry sighs heavily, “Alright. Well I’m going to get ready then.”

Just like that Louis’ gaze settles on him, all crocodile tears and wobbly bottom lip. “You’re leaving me?”

“I’m going to visit my family,” Harry corrects, unfazed. “You are choosing to stay. Be home by tomorrow morning.”

“You’re staying the night?” the boy demands, bratty and adorable.

“No,” the Alpha says simply, rising from the bed and jacking his pants up again. 

“Then where will you be all bloody night?” There’s an anxious, scared note to his shrilly voice.

“Reckon you think ‘m going to get high,” Harry say with a bitter bite. Seems trust still isn’t there. The jarring silence does nothing but intensify his sensitivity.

“You know that’s not true,” Louis snivels. “I…I…don’t want you goin’ out with any Omegas, is all. You don’t need to g-go out with any Omegas…I’m pregnant. That’s not exactly attractive. And every Omega you hang about is just…stellar. And…yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Ice water dowses him at the insecurity in his voice as his hands wring on his pregnant belly. “Paradise,” Harry breathes, horrified, crawling back into bed. “Paradise, no, no, no.”

Louis shakes his head. “’S stupid. I’m just bein’….ridiculous. But you always say I’m bad with commitment, but your longest relationship was two months and you’re bad with commitment. I’m pregnant. Who’s goin’ to want me or even want to fuck me? You’re perfect as ever. Every unmated Omega with eyes will want to fuck you. I-I-I’m not sayin’ you’d cheat on me. Of course n-n-not. But…I don’t want you to see somethin’ bett’ah than me.”

The words wrench at his shot to hell heart.  “I…” his throat is too tight, but fuck, “You’re my soulmate. Everything I need, want. Not one Omega is better than mine. So strong, lovely, brilliant. I see nothing but you. I’ve only ever seen you, since I was twelve I saw you, who you are. ‘S always been you, Louis.”

Louis chews on his bottom lip, then smiles shyly. “’M not coming home tonight either.” Possessive, his Alpha rouses, but Louis continues, “I want to stay the night with our family so.”

“Okay,” Harry says unsteadily. “They’re going to fawn once the surprise wears.”

A brilliant smile lights his features. “The best part! They’ll treat me like an absolute king!”

“They already do,” the Alpha reminds dryly.

“Not like this. This…” mischief gleams in his eyes, “will be like never before.”

&&

             Buzzing, Louis fidget through the too lengthy ride, blasts his playlist until Harry lowers the volume, petulantly raising the volume again, though Harry just lowers it again. They go back and forth until Louis huffs and kills the music, sulking. “You’re so annoying. Why did I let this happen?”

“Because we are meant,” Harry says distractedly, extremely focused on the road no matter how Louis baits him into play.

“Says every Alpha ever,” Louis snorts, patting his thigh. “Don’t feel too special.”

With an all too charming grin the Alpha dares to reach over and pat his belly softly. “No other Alpha gets to say Louis Tomlinson is carrying their pup so I feel pretty damn special.”

A blush spreads high on his cheeks when Harry carries his hand back to the steering wheel. “Technically I knocked meself up,” Louis chirps. “Reckon you wouldn’t have knocked me up willingly.”

“I was damned willing to knot you,” the Alpha says simply.

“No regrets?” the boy asks, voice quivering ridiculously as he strokes his belly.

“No regrets,” Harry confirms without hesitation. Louis’ heart flutters in disconcertingly as his insides become soupy. Silent, Louis admires his features, his reactions, him, the little left of their trip. All too soon Harry’s brought the car to the ostentatious gates, typing the pin and waiting for the gates to come apart.

Just like that the nerves return as Louis focuses on evening his breaths. This is it. This is it. Once they stop its some measures from the grand entrance. With a groan Harry kills the engine and Louis watches him open the glove compartment and palm a gun, a bloody gun. But before he can react he’s hopped from the Range Rover to help him, but Louis’ already in action, opening the door and stepping on the smooth ground.

“Wait for me,” Harry barks, grabbing for his arm.

Louis pins him with a level stare. “Haz, if you keep treating me like a wineglass, I’m going to go nuts over the next seven months.”

“Listen, paradise, I don’t want you tripping. Those shoes are heeled.”

“Oh, for fucksakes…”

Without comment Harry shuts the car door, kissing him breathless, then putting his arm around Louis’ waist, leading him up the front walkway of the manor. Louis is all too aware of his darting stare.

“Haz,” Louis halts, watching him trip up with a dark expression. “I want you to put the gun away.”

“When we’re in the house.”

“We’re not going to be jumped here,” Louis reasons with him. “This place is wired.”

“If you think I’m taking even the slightest chance with you and my pup, you are out of your mind.” 

Since his first step out of their house Harry’s been overbearing as hell, but Louis understands he can’t help it. This is a bonded Alpha. With his pregnant Omega. There are few things on the planet more aggressive or dangerous. Probably hurricanes and tornado"s, Louis thinks vaguely.

And so Louis doesn’t argue with him, wants to stay blissfully bonded, covering the hard hand on his waist with one of his own. “I reckon you should be careful what you ask for.”

“What do you mean?” Somehow Louis ends up in front of him as they come up to the door, blocking Louis with his body. Under his breath Harry mutters, “Fuckin’ daylight. Makes us so conspicuous.”

Louis giggles, “Well I’ve always wanted you for a bonded Alpha.”

A chaste kiss is planted on his neck. “Well, you have your wish. I’m deep bonded. Way deep bonded. Deep, deep, ultra–,” as he leans forward to hit the brass knuckles (why not the doorbell?) his body is in full contact with his. Louis purrs, rubbing against him happily as he tenses up.

Before the Alpha can speak, one of the grand Oak wood doors flies open. Bodies swarm. Questions are shot at them. Overwhelmed, Louis whimpers, blinking wildly, wanting–Harry’s voice interrupts the chaos, “Right here, Lou.”

It’s much easier to concentrate on what’s happening with Harry a charged force beside him. Greeting him so enthusiastically are the girls, suddenly taller than last meet. Pressing kisses to their foreheads Louis laughs nervously, hugging them back with the same enthusiasm before they focus on the main attraction, Harry. Watching him, interacting with them, smiling so hard his dimples are on full force, butterflies stretch their wings in his belly.

“Louis William,” it’s his mum’s voice as he’s gathered in her embrace, sinking into her happily. Somehow everything is okay, right when he’s reconnected with Jay, who’s kissing his cheeks. “Oh, baby, you look…you look so lovely.”

A chill runs up his spine but he’s in a shirt too many times big on even Harry, swimming in it, the outline of his belly not quite so noticeable. It’s the glow. Must be. Louis clings to her, inhales her familiar fragrance and rasps, “Mum.”

“’S been too long. Never stay away so long.”

Louis promises, but silently thinks if Papa don’t disown me. Uneasy knots form in his pregnant belly. Once he’s released, his hands start towards his baby belly, but decides against the habit. For now Louis won’t bring attention to little love. In the doorway Dan stands with his arms crosses, an entirely impassive expression on his face. Belly in knots Louis scurries up to him. “Hi, Papa.”

“I haven’t seen my son in nearly three months and all I get is a hi?” Dan asks, hurt stark in his stare. Forgetting his fear the Omega hugs him, feeling like a little boy when Dan returns the embrace. “I’m sorry,” Louis says quietly, eyes screwed shut. “I just…I wasn’t ready. But I missed my family.”

“Yeah,” it’s said gruffly, “You best be sorry. No call, no text, no sight. Where did you disappear to?”

“I was in hibernation,” Louis says flippantly, breaking the embrace. “Where’s–oh.” Harry’s been wrapped up in his parents’ arms, Ann is cooing to him, Des talking so silently Louis cannot hear the words, but watches Harry pat his back, lifting his face to reveal bloodshot eyes, locked on Louis’ even as his Alpha mouths, ‘okay?’

Louis smiles softly, giving him thumbs up and watching the relief light his stare as he drops his head to his mum’s shoulder. “How cute,” Lottie comments beside him. “’Bout time that boy was bathed in love.”

Louis leans into Lottie’s side. “Yeah. I love when Harry’s loved.”

“You just love my brother too much,” Gemma pipes, taking Dan’s place as the older Alpha storms up to Harry. Louis’ breath catches in horror, but Dan all but shoves Des out of the way (Anne following her mate, in heart-rending tears) takes Harry into an obviously awkward embrace. “Let’s give them some privacy,” Jay decides quietly, even when Louis glares, reluctant to leave Harry even a moment with his very protective father. Des effectively distracts him, until Louis is talking animatedly, following Harry’s father into the house, outrageously excited to hear they’ve added sports to the Council’s educational branch. Hugging his belly Louis is carried away in the noise, greeting Doris and Ernest in their bouncers. Laughing madly at the idea that his siblings will be very closely aged to his pup. Somehow his mirth breaks the ice as everyone settles in the sitting room. Tangled conversations are lost as Louis is immersed in his siblings, Daisy in his lap, Phoebe petting him. “Lou,” Daisy says with such seriousness that Louis’ attention is claimed. “Harry touched your belly, di’nt he?”

Ice rains down on him. Nobody notices as Louis whispers, “What do you mean, Dais?”

Daisy smiles, surely too smug for a little girl. “Mummy says pups are made when an Alpha touches an Omega’s belly. So obviously Harry touched your belly ‘cause…” her stare darts to his horribly obvious baby bump. Blushing, Louis says, “’S a secret right now, Dais. I’m goin’ to surprise Mummy and Papa. But later.”

With an adorably determined expression his younger sister nods firmly. “I’ll be waitin’.”

An entirely too in love Omega he’s spellbound the second Harry barrels through the entrance. A fountain of smiles in his eyes Louis stands up and walks (runs) over to him, ignoring their audience to link his arms around Harry’s neck and stretch to kiss him. Sighing into his mouth Louis’ head spins. “Paradise,” Harry breathes, yanking him so close his baby bump is tight against him. “You okay? Where’s my dad?”

Harry nuzzles his hair. “My SIG was confiscated. He’s in the process of locking it away.”

“Thank God,” Louis says, twirling his fingers in his silky hair. “It was quite unnecessary. Were you two actually civil?”

“You could say that, yeah,” Harry says slowly, not very convincing so Louis pulls back to examine him, relieved to see there aren’t any– “Ahem,” someone clears their throats and Louis jumps, unused to company outside of his Alphas. When the Omega risks a glance over his shoulder all eyes are them.

Jay looks extremely proud, Des looks oddly smug, Anne looks quizzical, Lottie and Gemma amused. Outside of the adults the children are uninterested, amongst themselves.

“I think its kip time!” Jay announces, standing to head for the twins. “I just need someone to check on the kitchen–,”

“We can put them to sleep, Jay,” Harry interjects, looking at his mum hesitantly.

With an oddly touched look Jay nods, “That would be lovely, H. Thank you.”

Louis’ heart just might beat right out of his chest when Harry smiles shyly. Taking his hand Harry drags him over to the twins, and, like an absolute pro, frees the bouncer to gather Doris, smiling at the tiny toddler. Gingerly, Louis takes Ernest, and all but squeals, leading them out and towards the nursery. “Can we have scads of pups?” Harry asks quietly, looking down at Doris in wonder.

Louis giggles, all girlishly and in love, “Well let’s see how this one goes first, yeah?”

With an entirely too roughish grin Harry mocks, “Sh. You’re goin’ to ruin the surprise.”

The nursery is charming, but not anything like Louis’ plans for theirs. Much too pastel, Doris’ cradle located on the far baby blue wall, Ernest’s located of the far rosy wall. Which is quite interesting, Louis approves, focused on softly swaying with an already settled Doris, mesmerized by the droopy blue eyes, quite like his own. An obviously dominant trait. Louis is sure Harry’s getting his wish. Speaking of, Harry is rocking gently, singing some lullaby Louis’ not heard before, the most beautiful scene as he looks up fleetingly, smiling like he’s won something.

Ernest is settled in his cradle first, and Louis follows second with Doris, careful as to not wake her. Once they’re outside Louis’ high-fived, whispering-shrieking, “Oh my God that was…I’m buzzing!”  Harry’s grinning so wide Louis’ cheeks ache for him, but he’s being kissed, gentle and loving and nothing is wrong in the world. Nothing.

&&

            Everything is wrong in the world. Everything. Well, almost everything. Across the table Harry’s playing with his food, like he does when he’s nervous, and Louis is fidgeting, rubbing his belly, like he does when he’s nervous. Everyone else does not seem to notice.

“Louis, love, are you feelin’ alright? You haven’t touched your food,” Anne comments, peering at him through mossy coloured concerned eyes.

Nervously, Louis chuckles, “’M fine, Anne,” but no he is not fine–the food smells. It’s heavy in the air. Spreading nausea through him. Tastes delicious. Smells dreadful. And oh God he does not want to be here right now, wishes he could get some fresh air, but now everyone is staring with horrid concern and just.

Louis starts on the food, chewing even as his stomach rolls, swallowing and gritting his teeth as every piece of meat, veggie, starch, plummets into his gut.

“Louis,” Harry’s voice startles him. “Stop. You’re going make yourself sick.” Talk about timing. In that second Louis shoves away from the table with the mush he’d forced down climbing up his throat. Blindly, the Omega stumbles through the kitchen where the staff continue to bustle and outside onto the back courtyard where the vomit gushes out onto the pristine deck. A hand smooths his fringe from his face. “It’s okay, love. It’s okay.”

And when the nausea has faded and there is only evidence Louis shivers, leaning on him. “I’m sorry. ‘M sorry I just couldn’t…It smelt so hideous in there.” Just remembering the boy gags, tummy empty enough that only dry heaves follow.

“Well I thought it smelt lovely,” Jay’s voice is abruptly too close. Anxiety knots in his chest as Louis clings to Harry, hiding his baby bump. “We’re pregnant, Jay,” Harry says without missing one beat.

“Finally. I was waiting for one of you to come out with it,” his Mum exclaims when Louis’ ready to be struck by lightning. Against him Harry’s relaxed. “You knew?” Louis is not relaxed. Louis is freaking out.

“Of course I knew! Mother’s intuition, Louis,” his Mum chides until Louis is biting Harry’s shoulder in reproach. “Also you’re showing quite a bit, baby. Plus the makeup is wearing, the bond is quite noticeable. I demand details! But first Anne is practically itching to have our suspicions confirmed so go on and make the announcement.”

“Mum knows?” Harry asks, mirroring his previous disbelief.  Louis almost giggles when Jay sighs impatiently, “Harry, Mother’s intuition.”

Groaning, the Alpha mutters, “We are so obvious.”

“No, actually I am sure neither fathers have any clue.” Inconsiderately, Jay muses.  “But they will soon enough! I would hate to…slip up before you’ve properly announced the big revelation.”

Horrified, Louis whines, bites again at the mention. “Well I suppose we should get to it then. Jay, can I have a moment with Louis?”

“Do hurry! I need details,” his Mum emphasizes her point but goes back into the house.

“Paradise, it’s okay,” the Alpha says softly, toying with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “Relax, love.”

“How can I relax?” Louis erupts, shoving him away and storming away. Of course Harry follows. “I am pregnant, Harry! Do you get that?”

“Well, I hope I do,” Harry grumbles, “Or this might be a bit weird.”

Louis only groans, put out.

“Louis,” the Alpha’s persuasive voice is on its highest level, compelling him to listen even as he continues down the slope towards their swing set. “Come on, love. It’s not quite so bad. I mean we have Jay on our side.”

With an entirely childish huff the Omega sits on his swing and immediately starts to hitch himself up into the air. “I don’t know why I’m so freaked out,” Louis admits reluctantly once he’s in the air. Harry looks extremely edgy, all twitchy and agitated. Louis wants to hug him. Instead he slows his pace until he’s not almost lurching towards the concrete. “I just….I am not ashamed of us, you, our pup. But I’m a bit ashamed of myself. Because I know this wasn’t supposed to happen, you didn’t want this. Everyone will certainly blame you, because the Alpha’s are supposed to be in charge. But I don’t want you to play like you were so hyped to do this. I don’t want you to have to play pretend for my sake.”

There. With the truth out Louis breathes so much easier. Especially when Harry laughs outright. “You’re so silly, love. You’re my fuckin’ wish come true, and you are gifting me by having my baby. Sure this was unexpected but the best things in life aren’t planned. There is no blame for pregnancy unless it’s unwanted. There’s just assumptions. Which fuck I want them to think I was so fuckin’ for knocking you up ASAP. We’re not exactly early with our upbringing. I am so hyped to do this now. I’m not pretending. I never will be. Not about you. This. Us.”

“Why are you so sweet to me?” When I least expect it. God, it’s so genuine, the best things in life are unexpected.

“Because ‘m stupid in love with you. I see no wrong in you. Some people might say you’re a controversy. I wish I could say so too sometimes ‘cause it’d sure help me understand your thought process. You always surprise me. And it’s always fuckin’ amazing.” Harry settles on his swing, and takes his hand once Louis’ slowed enough. With a shy smile Louis squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. But I will never give up on you. I didn’t then, I won’t now.”

Harry’s beautiful face lights up, and Louis feels like he’s diamonds, made of them surely. “Let’s go ‘cause a riot.”

Louis smiles wickedly. “Our new chapter.”

Well, the hook is always an amazing part, Louis thinks. Running into the first floor living room Louis opens his arms wide, voice booming, “I am two months pregnant!”

Any weight lifts from his shoulders. Sweet freedom. A stunned silence falls upon the entire room.

“With my pup,” Harry adds smugly, (un)helpful as ever.

Just like that noise erupts, elated cheers and relieved coos. “Bout time!” Lottie cries as Gemma giggles, “You took long enough!” as Jay fires questions, and Anne dissolves into tears (emotional, like someone he knows).

There is no reaction from Dan or Des. Frozen where they are hunched over a game of poker. While their surprise fades Louis is pulled into warm embraces, kisses planted on his hair and so many affectionate “congratulations, I am so happy for you,”’s until Louis is brimming with the same delight.

Beside him Harry’s carried close, awed coo’s lingering in the room as Louis’ stare flickers to where his father and father-in-law are in some silent conversation. They’re more engrossed in each other, Des’ hand on Dan’s shoulder, which what?  Louis scurries over to them, clearing his throat softly.

Startled the two turn to face him. Red faced. Dan with an intense distress, Des with an intense approval. Louis shrinks from his papa while Des stands to wrap him in the best hug all night. “I called this, I did. Thank you for believing in my son even when I couldn’t. I will always be indebted to you. I…Thank you,” his voice shakes like never before. “Your strength outshines that of most Alphas, Louis. You empower us all. I am so proud. You’ve always been my son. But now I hope to see it finalized.”

Touched, Louis holds on a bit too long, blinking back tears. “I will always believe in him. I think Haz deserves the same praise for his accomplishments. There are very many. I hope one day you feel proud of him. Because I always will.”

“One day,” Des breathes, ending the embrace. And that’s enough for now.  With only his father to face Louis swallows, stutters, “P-Papa?”

“I knew this was bound to happen. Just…I still want to kill him.”

Louis flinches at the raw rage in his voice, then lifts his chin. “Don’t ruin this for us. He’s happy. I am happy. Can’t you just be happy for us?”

Dan gives no visible reaction. “I can’t understand, Boobear. I can’t understand how you can love him even now.”

“Because,” Louis says softly, looking over at where Harry’s caught up in Des. “He’s not perfect. And he doesn’t pretend to be. Because he touched my heart…Bruised me quite a bit. But…hearts are meant to withstand touch. Nobody else can ever touch my heart like him. I’m sorry you don’t see what I’ve always seen. But, papa, I don’t really give any fucks. I love him.”

Dan sighs in surrender, “I encouraged this tenacity didn’t I?”

“You encouraged me to stay true to my beliefs. And I believe in him.”

“I still want to kill the bastard for getting my twenty year old heir pregnant before mating you like a proper Alpha would,” his father glowers at him. Louis smiles weakly, “Trust me…he’s the innocent.”

“I don’t want to know. I just want to be ignorant on this whole bit and give him an earful.”

“I deserve the earful, not him.”

“Oh this doesn’t concern you, Louis,” his father rudely dismisses him, stalking up to where Harry’s talking to Gemma. Louis follows, sighing as Dan demands, “So, are you going to mate my son now that you’ve knocked him up?” Everyone but Louis gasps. “Or do I have to express my extreme anger that I was not asked permission.”

“You’d have said no anyway,” Lottie says dryly, which Louis can’t help but snicker at even under this tense charge.

Harry is so rigid, ignoring Dan to come over to him, protectively drawing him to his side. It’s obvious he’s itching to bare his canines, but he only hisses a bit. “I am going to mate him, my lord. But I will not see him insulted. If you can manage to treat him how he deserves we might invite you to the ceremony. Otherwise, you’re off the list.”

And there goes any hope of peace.

So close…

Louis sighs, lightheaded enough with nerves that he settles on the sofa and pulls up his shirt to pet his little love as the two do what they must. Seems he’s not the only one. Jay, Des and Anne try to diffuse the situation but Dan is shouting at the top of his lungs as Harry’s attempting to get around where Des holds his father back. Gemma and Lottie settle beside him, so he’s sandwiched. “Will the madness ever end? Stay tuned for the next episode of Council Life Behind the Scenes,” Lottie says with such a wistful tone that Louis dissolves in a fit of laughter, Gemma right behind him.

“It is rather like a soap opera,” Gemma gasps.

“I’d say Harry and papa are the stars, really. They’re what makes it. Look at them,” Louis points around laughter, unable to really be serious with their dramatics.

Anne is in the middle now, trying to calm Harry, which they sympathetically watch her fail. Harry continues to spew obscenities, truly enraged. Honest, the Omega hopes this doesn’t become a physical altercation.

“Lou, may I?” Blinking, the boy realizes Gemma’s hand hovers over his rounded belly.

“Course, Gems.” Again the first touch that isn’t his or Harry’s causes him to flinch a bit, but Gemma doesn’t seem the least bit discouraged, “Wow. You’re rather…developed for only two months.”

Louis sighs, upset, “So everyone says. I have an appointment with my doctor next week so I’ll keep you up to date.”

Gemma smiles gently. “Not an insult, but that’s relieving. Boy or girl?” So much like her brother. This must be where Harry gets his odd traits, really. Louis reminds anyway, “I’m two months along. I don’t know quite yet.”

An impressive thud steals his attention, but the neighboring sofa’s simply been knocked over. Still in the safe. “Sort your shit out, Styles!” Dan snarls though Harry follows up with a snarl just a bit louder, “I’m working on it, inconsiderate bastard!”

“Yikes,” Louis says, wincing.

“Paternal instinct, Lou,” Gemma says like it’s so very obvious. Harry’s role model, surely. 

“Girl,” the Omega tells them.

“Oh boy. Good luck with that,” Lottie says, sincerely meaning it.

Louis pins her with a murderous look, but doesn’t comment, rubbing soothing circling into his belly.

“GOD DAMN IT!” Des roars with so much force the entire room freezes over. “GET OUT! BOTH OF YOU! GET IT TOGETHER! OUT OF THE HOUSE! YOU ARE GOING TO SCARE THE CHILDREN!”

Louis sympathizes with Des, who tries so hard to be the peacemaker between his son and his best friend. Happy to see both Alphas dragged to the front door, protesting in rage, and kicked out. Des returns, smooths his once crisp button up and smiles an obviously fake smile. “I don’t know what to do with them, I really don’t.”

“They’re big boys,” Louis reassures, more to himself than Des. “They’ll sort themselves out.”

“I’m not so sure they’re even adults,” Anne comments dryly.

“Who let them procreate?” Jay says, as Louis gives her a pointed look, she gives him a pointed look. They share an amused moment before, “Tea anyone?”

“Me!” Louis chirps first, the others in agreement.

Once he’s sipping on his blessed tea, Louis is in a much better mood, munching on biscuits and engaging in the best fawn ever. “Harry wants her to have my eyes. But I quite fancy his eyes more, Anne,” and “We didn’t really prepare, so the doctor couldn’t tell me much,” which earns him concerned looks, and though it becomes an elephant in the room nobody seems to have the heart to kill the buzz with talk of the very possible health concerns. Which Louis is extremely grateful for.

A long while passes when the bell chimes throughout the first floor. Des sighs heavily, “Should I make them sleep outside?”

Louis laughs like it’s the best joke he’s heard. It’s the seven cuppas he’s downed. Hyper does not settle well with him. Its three rings, and painful laughter later that Anne scolds, “For heaven sakes go answer the bloody door already.” And so Des does so. Really buzzing Louis awaits impatiently, and when the two come in his jaw slackens. Harry’s arm is around his father’s waist…and Dan is smiling. Which what the bloody hell is Harry doing with his arm around his dads waist?  There’s a bruise on Dan’s jaw. But Harry seems untouched. Louis is proud of Dan’s obvious restraint, and a bit peeved by Harry’s obvious lack thereof restraint.

But what is going on? Louis only realizes he’s spoken out loud until Dan announces, “Harry and I have come to a mutual agreement. I hope to see the day he regains my trust entirely.” That’s it? Louis narrows his eyes. “What’s the agreement?”

“Your happiness is rather important to us. We can be civil to keep everyone happy. I’m sorry for the way I reacted, Louis. But please understand you’re my little prince, and I love you so very much. I wish no ill will to you, Harry, or my grandchild, ever. You have my blessings. I apologise.”

An overwhelming relief bullets through his veins as Louis says, “You’re already forgiven, papa. I love you too. And thank you.”

From there everything continues in a vast rush until the Omega awakens to find Harry’s carrying him through the corridors of his family’s manor.  Curling impossibly closer Louis hums, “You’re such an Alpha idiot.”

“I know,” Harry says. “I was out of line.”

“Naw,” Louis giggles drowsily, “Tha’ was sweet to me. How you defended my honor. But you didn’t need to hit my da’.”

A low, smoky laugh echoes through the corridors. “I didn’t hit your father, paradise. He hit himself to prove he was the dominant Alpha. I can freely laugh ‘bout it now. We actually laughed about it together. But I didn’t laugh enough over it to be honest.”

“I…will….laugh with you,” Louis bursts into delighted giggles, “Who let Alphas rule, really?”

“I have no idea,” Harry says around husky laughter. “I promise to never punch myself to prove I’m worthy of you.”

“I didn’t think I had to worry about that,” Louis snickers, kissing up his throat as Harry fumbles to open the door to his childhood bedroom. “But it’s nice to be reassured.”

“Glad to be of service,” Harry whispers, setting him on his feet (Louis whines in protest, but sleepily and sluggishly strips and shrugs into one of Harry’s silky shirts, climbing into bed on his back in wait). Absolutely naked, the shame long gone, the Alpha curls up around him, and tonight Louis gladly accepts the little spoon, because Harry’s hand flattens on his belly.

And little love must love the attention too. 

&&

            “Is there any other possible day to meet with him?” Harry asks, sat on the window seat in the third floor sitting room, nails raking down his arm. When there is an unsympathetic denial he stiffens his spine, anger crawling on all fours in his chest. “Fine. I’ll be there. Thank you.” Without giving the receptionist the chance to really ruin his chance, Harry disconnects and hurls the phone. With an entirely too satisfying crash the bloody thing meets the wall and propels back onto the hardwood.

‘Such a disappointment,’ the voice cackles madly as Harry clutches his throbbing temples, lips curled as his alpha lashes out against the mental assault. But there is only so much his alpha can do, nothing in comparison to the monster.

Hunger gnaws at his bones, tightens his skin, reminding him just what is needed to alleviate this creeping pain. In attempts to distract his body from its craving Harry yanks viciously at his hair, threatens to pull tuffs right from the roots. Its cackles grow in strength with his every shit attempt.

Consumed by his mind’s inability to function around his addiction Harry doesn’t notice Louis’ settled beside him on the window seat until scuffed Vans hover just a bit over the ground, smaller in comparison to his boots, planted firmly on the hardwood. “Hi,” his voice is hesitant as a dainty hand lands on his thigh.

Words fail him. An unwarranted fury flares hot, pinpointing Louis. Frozen, he stares blankly at their shoes–once Louis’ forgotten about the tattered things Harry’s tossing them. “You weren’t supposed to leave the house without me."

“You were asleep. You don’t sleep enough. I wasn’t going to wake you,” Louis says sensibly. “Anyway I wasn’t alone. I had three bodyguards with me.” It’s meant to placate, but the fury escalates to the point that his hands ball into white knuckled fists. There is no physical threat to Louis. Perhaps the wall, or even better, the fucking bodyguards (who are also fucking fired). I didn’t think it’d upset you this much,” Louis whispers when Harry doesn’t respond.

“You don’t ever think,” he sneers, “That’s the fucking problem.”

“You’re one to talk,” Louis hisses with an upset bite as he snatches his hand away.

With an entirely too hostile glare Harry stands. “I don’t think? All I do is think, Louis. I think and I think and I think about you. No matter what I consider your feelings. You couldn’t give two shits about mine.”

Defensive Louis lurches upright and storms up to him. A tempest storms in his beautiful eyes.  “You know what? I think my leaving isn’t what’s stuck up your arse. And I’m not tolerating you taking your anger out on me. So either fucking talk to me, or I’m leaving.”

At the mention of his Omega leaving again his Alpha claws at his chest. Baring his elongated canines Harry growls in warning, though Louis only flicks his fringe with an entirely unimpressed look, “What? Going to bite me now? Go all Alpha on me? Try to–,” Wild, Harry pounces, circling his waist and crowding him to bury his face in his throat, sinking his canines into his bonded skin. A whimper spills from Louis’ mouth, baring his throat and fisting his hair. Blood stains his mouth as Harry sucks gently, an overwhelming sense of control building in his chest. It’s when Louis’ panting that the Alpha licks at his skin, mouthing up his throat to claim his sweet mouth in a bruising kiss. “When will I mark my territory?” Louis gasps, breath sweet and warm. “You’ll be wearing so many sheer shirts. Gonna back stab you with my name.”

Harry laughs hoarsely. “Two months, paradise.” Christ, so long. So very long–they demanded one month. Alas both mother’s insisted, “We’re in charge here. One month is not enough time! It’s such short notice!” Which fine. More time to plan a proper proposal. Once this week is over with Harry intends to be his wish come true, remembers Louis’ exact words on just how he wanted to be asked for his hand.

“But ‘m tired of speculation on who’s gone and knocked me up!” Louis complains into his jaw, leaving love bites in his mouths wake. “They’ve accused Liam! They’ve accused Aiden! They’ve accused fucking Grimmy!”

“And they’ve accused me,” a menacing growl forms in his chest at the name Aiden.

Louis giggles, pausing at his pulse point. An inescapable possessiveness lights him on fire. “They’re so skeptical. Either it’s childhood love. Or it’s remain best friends. We waited so long, they’ve given up on the idea of Harry Styles bonding Louis Tomlinson.”

“’Cause you let fucking Grimshaw court you,” Harry says with an all too bitter bite. With his hand fisting Louis’ hair Harry dips to tongue at his swollen lips, filthy and demanding. Louis parts his mouth, mewling and tugging at his lengthy waves. “Yeah,” Louis whimpers, “To make you jealous. And don’t play innocent. You fucked with all those trashy Omegas. How could anyone think you’d possibly settle down?”

In reproof Harry thrusts his tongue with more force, dominating easily as Louis’ strokes tease. Christ, he’s always such a little tease, coquettish in ways that wreck him. “Everyone knew. Knew just how I felt. I knew exactly how I felt, too. We took our friendship too far and everyone knew. We got so damned carried away in each other and everyone knew it. Ever wondered why Alphas didn’t court you? You didn’t let them. Just like you didn’t let me court anyone else.”

Breaking the kiss Louis’ lashes flutter to reveal doe-eyes. “’Cause you’ve always been mine. I didn’t care who you fucked with as long as I was most important. I always need to be most important to you. Nobody else.”

“Long as you know who you belong to likewise,” Harry says, breathless just looking at him. “I’ve been about you and I’m still about you. I’ll always be about you.”

“No more them. Only me. Us. This.”

And fuck Harry doesn’t know what to do. Just gets carried away in him, paradise. Them. This.

&&

            “Wha’ put that stick up your arse again?” Louis asks, curiosity dancing in his bright eyes. As the Alpha settles beside him on the laid out rug, with the telly running on mute and bowls of cereal settled in their laps, dismay spirals through him. Spooning at the fruit loops, Harry admits, “I made an appointment with Council. For my readmission.”

Louis squeals. “Baby! That’s lovely! Why would that upset you?”

“It’s tomorrow,” the Alpha manages gruffly.

Just like that Louis wilts, shoulders drooping in his T-shirt. Guilt splits his veins. “Oh,” the boy mumbles as Harry viciously plays with his soggy cereal. With his appetite for food diminished Harry swallows thickly, “I tried to schedule a later date. But the executive was adamant it be tomorrow. Or not at all. Because of the stunt I pulled…with the gun. I don’t know what to do.”

Gently, Louis takes his bowl from him, planting it on the hardwood with his own, then climbing into his lap, curling up as small as possible with the swell of his very round belly. Taking his hand the boy fiddles with the rings on his fingers. “Okay. I think you should go.”

Of course Louis never ceases to surprise him. “What.”

“Go. With all the time spent in training I’m sure most of your prerequisites are complete. Politics should be what you need to be granted status. Depending on how many political courses the most it should take is a year. And–,”

“Louis…” Harry croaks, puzzled. “Tomorrow is your appointment with the doctor.”

Louis kisses his fingertips, like he’s comforting him. Like he’s the one in need of comfort. “I know, H. And it’s okay. I can have Liam or Ni come. Or my mum. They won’t mind. I’ll have bodyguards if it makes you feel bett’ah.” Nothing possibly could at this point.  

Heartstrings tugged in cruel ways Harry buries his face in his hair. “I want to be there…I don’t want to miss it. I…I don’t want you to go through that without me again…”

“It’s one appointment, Hazza,” Louis tells him. “I will be fine.” But what if you’re not? What if they only have bad news? God, the sneaking suspicion that Louis wouldn’t tell him, wouldn’t tell him childbirth might be too much on his body, this baby might be too risky right now, is too crushing. Crazes his Alpha.

“Such an important one. This appointment decides our future, paradise. I should be there,” resentment bleeds in his tone.

“Your status is important for our future,” Louis reminds. “Impacts our future. I need you to secure us.” The truth is always so hideous.

“I’m sorry,” his voice breaks.

“’S not your fault,” the worst part is Louis’ voice breaks too.

“Promise me. Promise to tell me everything you’re told. Promise no secrets. Your mess is mine. My mess is yours. No matter what I need to know. Even if the odds are against us.”

“You will try to take her away, won’t you?” the Omega asks with a horrified tone. “Anything less than okay is too much for you.”

Numb, Harry nods.

“Then ’m sorry,” Louis says. Dread fists his heart. “Because I’m not giving up. I don’t care what odds are against us. I’m keeping her.”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“You’d take away my choice? Is that the Alpha you are now?”

“Why do you do this to me?” The devastation bleeds into his voice. “I need you. B-But you’re so willing to leave me. I’m scared. And you’re not. You’re so ready to trade your life for this undeveloped fetus. Why are you like this?”

Louis sighs with a wistful note. ”I love her. I don’t know what else to tell you, baby. I’m scared. Of course I’m scared. I’ve nev’ah been so scared in my life. Because I don’t want to leave you.” When the Alpha can’t find his voice, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, Louis murmurs, “Little Love’s heart is beating now.” A hoarse sound rips up his throat, torn between wanting to love this pup and the inability to love it more than Louis. “I promise you every detail. Nothin’ but truth.”

Without permission Harry wraps their pinkies in an embrace, whispers into his hair, “I will always love her. Even if this…doesn’t work out.” Even if I can’t choose her. Even if I have to.

The rest of the night Louis says nothing. Curls up on what seems to be his side of the bed and shuns his touch. He promises, like always, to be better.

&&

            Exhausted, but unable to sleep with the hurricane in his head, creeping down his throat to his chest, Louis lies there what feels like hours. Judging by the quiet Harry’s not fallen asleep either, but then again when does Harry sleep in bed with him ever?

Sadness sneaks between the hollows of his ribs. Louis doesn’t dare touch his pregnant belly. Not angry at Little Love (the present cause of their angst), just…afraid. Scared of her. Scared for her. Scalding tears spill onto the pillow.

And it’s only now coming over him–the notion that he’s not going to be around once she’s in the world. No. Right now he cannot afford such thoughts. Faith stays with him. Long ago he’d sworn to never let Harry’s beliefs manipulate his. And he won’t, refuses to be swayed. 

 Louis sits up slowly, scrubs at his tears and sniffles, “Hazza?”

“Yes,” a tentative whisper.

“I need you,” the boy confesses, tiny voice quivering as the tears become unavoidable. Shoulders trembling Louis hides his face in his hands, unable to face his Alpha, who needs him. Who’s always needed when Louis just wanted him. Somehow the roles always seem to reverse between them. Louis’ never needed anyone but himself. Except now…Except now.

“That’s okay, paradise,” Harry breathes, easing him into an achingly affectionate embrace. Louis clings to him, sobs torn from his very soul. “Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry. Whenever it’s too much…remember I need you just as much. I’m never going to leave you again. Not emotionally, mentally, physically. I need you just as much. More even.” And oh God Louis loves him. He loves him. He loves him. He loves him.

More than anything in this world.

The insight is foreboding, lurking to crush him. Louis simply holds onto him. Let’s his Alpha bear the weight of his grief. Like he’s struggled to do since Harry gave himself over to his demons, since he lost his Harry.

But this is his Harry.

All those silly sayings were right.

Everything he lost has come back to him, and it’s–he’s eternal.

&&

            “Haz! Haz, wake up!” the most lovely voice to touch him is so frantic that Harry scrambles upright before he’s entirely conscious, terrified that he’s lashed out despite being untouched by his pasts mental abuse. Blinking rapidly, Harry’s stare finds Louis’ frail figure in seconds. The pale sunlight accentuates his lovely glow, brightens his cerulean gaze. Searching his face the Alpha finds nothing but anxiety as Louis shrieks, “You’re running late!”

Oh. Thank God. A relieved breath is punched from his lungs as Harry smiles sleepily, sprawls out to admire him. Glorious Louis gives him an entirely disbelieving look, “C’mon, lazybones! Get your arse up! There are things to be done!”

“I’d rather just lay ‘ere and admire you,” his voice is raw with sleep. Lowering his gaze the Alpha’s battered by affection, edging close to the unbelievably round of his belly, nosing at his belly, “Good morning, my little love.” Louis’ breath hitches audibly, hands running through his untamed curls. “All ‘bout you today. Please, be good to papa for daddy.” Planting kisses to his smooth, stretched skin, Harry sits up, “Okay. I’ll be an adult for now.”

A fountain of smiles in his eyes Louis leans in to kiss him quick, then, “Shoo.”

Rushed, the Alpha does his best to manage his damp curls once he’s finished in the shower. In the end he’s pulled his hair into a usually smooth bun, applying cover up (why hadn’t he used this before?) to the circles underneath his eyes, then jogging into his bedroom (abandoned though the wardrobe still homes his best outfits). Hastily, Harry dresses; two piece striped Lanvin suit he’s sure he’d spent a fortune on at one point. Once he’s slipped into boots to match Harry’s drawing on his rings.

In his room the Alpha grabs his phone as Louis stands waveringly, beaming when Harry steadies him, wrapping his arm around his soft waist, dragging him to the door. Longing flares in his chest as Louis hums, reaching up to untie his hair, smoothing his fringe back so his curls are loose. Arching a brow Harry watches his sharp cheeks flare with a delicious pink, “Love your curls. Leave ‘em out. You look so…chic.”

“You’re too kind,” Harry comments dryly, smirking as Louis slaps his shoulder, “Oi! You know I’m the sweetest. But I’m not into stripes.”

Sobering up the Alpha murmurs firmly, “Bodyguards. Alberto in charge.  Your mum. Text me the entire time. Ignore the pap. Stay on track. Take care of our pup.”

“Yes, dear,” Louis grumbles, rolling his eyes, then seriously, “Please, H, don’t worry I’ll be fine.”

Circling his waist, pulling him close enough that little love is tight between them, Harry whispers dejectedly, “I miss you already.  Please, for the sake of what’s left of my sanity, behave.”

Louis giggles, stretching on his tip toes to kiss him softly, “’M a good boy for you, Alpha. Now run along and do grown up shit. I’ll be waiting for you to come home.”

With his heart on his sleeve Harry kisses him three more times, then, “I love you. I love our little love. I want good news.”

“We love you,” the Omega says with wide, sincere eyes. Then, with Louis watching from the doorway, calling, “Good news, Harry, we’re getting mated in two months and having a baby in seven!”

And fuck it’s the best news.

&&

            Conveniently enough his tardiness works out. Harry arrives in Parliament at exactly 9 A.M., which punctuality is always saluted, especially when he doesn’t have to wait, helped right into executive Stewart Hamilton’s unbelievably spacious office by an overly excited receptionist. Behind his desk the Alpha stands to greet him with cool, dark eyes. Harry takes his hand firmly, “My lord. It’s an honor.”

“Likewise, Mr. Styles.” It’s genuine enough. “Please take a seat.”

Harry does so the exact moment his phone vibrates. With his Alpha on high alert, Harry discreetly takes his (new) phone out, glancing at the screen to read ‘Omw now, love u xxxx’ Itching to respond, the Alpha shoves the phone between his thighs and finds Hamilton staring at him through narrowed slits. “A reason for the disruption?”

Swallowing, Harry mutters, “I apologise, my lord. My pregnant Omega is on his way to the doctor which is the reason for the disruption.”

The stunned expression that flickers over his aged features is rather satisfying. “I wasn’t aware of this. Tell me about the lucky lad.”

Which, okaaay. Odd that Hamilton seems so interested. Nonetheless Harry gushes perhaps a bit too readily, “Louis Tomlinson, sir. We’re to be mated in two months time. We’re two months pregnant. We weren’t expecting this, if I’m honest.”

Hamilton’s brows are nearly to his hairline. “You’re a lucky Alpha.” The comment doesn’t sit well with him. Harry stiffens, directing his glare to his hands, flat on either of his thighs. “Congratulations. All my blessings. I’m going to make this quick as possible so you can go to him. Where you’d rather be.”

Unused to such…consideration, especially not after the reputation he’s earned himself, Harry thanks him profusely. Listens with as much attention possible with how edgy his Alpha is until Hamilton’s handing him stacked information with ACCEPTED stamped in read to his admission papers. “I expect to be invited to the ceremony, Mr. Styles. With dedication you should claim your title in six months. Your time in training was quite impressive. You’re a strong young man.” Yeah right. If only you knew.

Smiling weakly Harry nods, “Of course, my lord. Thank you.”

Rudely, before Hamilton’s finishes his next sentence Harry’s bolting out the doors, jabbing at the lift until the doors open, blessedly empty. In the elevator the Alpha responds to his text, ‘Okay?’

The response is instantaneous, ‘no, I’m dead.’

Vicious instinct rips through him the second the elevator doors come apart in the parking garage. In seconds he’s clasping his seat belt, typing back as he’s stopped by an obnoxious light, ‘don’t piss me off, I will come right now nd u will be sorry’

As the private office is on the outskirts of London it’s not such an unbearable drive, only twenty minutes speeding (which Harry does, because fuck, he needs to be there).

‘Come inside me :D,’ Louis truly believes his Alpha hasn’t reared its head with an undeniable anger. Without bothering to reply, Harry focuses on the road, lucky no police appear (not that they’d stop him. It’d become a high speed chase). On his way a little florist shop catches his eye, and well, Harry’s truly fucked, so far up Louis’ lovely arse, that he risks the stop. With his expertise in flowers Harry spends exactly five minutes to purchase a bouquet of blue, purple, and yellow iris’, blessedly in season. Louis isn’t much into flowers, doesn’t have any particular attachment to one, but Harry wants to express his (sadly wavering) hope and faith through something more than his fumbling words.

As he’s gingerly setting the bouquet on the passenger seat his phone flashes with another text. ‘Goin’ in now. Come out with good news xx’

Which fuck, just his luck. So close. Just not enough. ‘You’re enough for us,’ again the voice returns to him, but Harry doesn’t have time to dick around and drowns its howls out with music. Pulling up to valet parking the Alpha staggers out with the flowers, tosses the keys, and runs through the white halls. It’s glaringly empty, reserved for ‘special cases,’ and though he has no sense of direction Harry manages to find the receptionist’s desk in seconds, “Louis Tomlinson. What room?”

“I’m sorry, my lord, I can’t–,”

“’M his mate,” Harry snarls, temper flaring as the seconds tick by. “I’m going to find out one way or another, Miss. I demand this number.”

Visibly petrified the poor Beta fumbles, “105, down the first hall to the right.” Unable to bother with her any longer Harry tries not to trip over his feet, but does so anyway in his rush, knocking on the door because the manner is ingrained by now.

There is no response. Twitchy, wanting to see him, Harry raps again until there are muffled voices, and the door opens to reveal a very protective mother. “Excuse me,” Harry breathes, brushing past Jay to where Louis sits on the stretched hospital bed, playing with his nails uninterestedly, his feet dangling above the white tile. A bit out of breath, the Alpha holds out the bouquet, speaks nervously, “Hi. Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?”

Obviously not expecting him Louis gasps, wide-eyed stare finding him. “Hazza. What…What are you doing here? What happened with…?”

“Everything’s fine,” Harry assures him with his heart racing, “I’m sorry I took so long. I wanted–,”

But the Omega pounces, on his tip toes with his hands in Harry’s waves, kissing him with an intensity that dizzies him until Louis breathes into his mouth, “You’re here…You’re here…” This is why. This is why Harry had to be here. Because Louis needs him. Emotional as ever Louis’ crying, silent tears skating down his face as the Alpha thumbs at them. “I’m always going to be here. I don’t care what I have to do, ‘m here for you. For this pup. For us.”

Louis’ bottom lip wobbles adorably, though his hand lifts to cover the one Harry’s cupping his face with. When the boy only stares, seemingly lost for words (wow, that’s novel) the Alpha says with a cheeky smile, “There’s also flowers. They symbolize hope and faith and passion. All of which I have. I have faith in you, this, us. You give me so much hope. I’ve never felt passion like I do for you, paradise.”

With an unsteady giggle Louis whispers, “You’re an undercover sap, Harry Styles. I’ve unleashed the hopeless romantic in you.”

Before the Alpha can agree snivels float over to him. Confused, brows furrowed, Harry glances to find the source of the sounds. Jay is seated in the corner, dabbing at her tears with tissues. “Don’t mind me. I’m just…quite caught up in this sugarcoated love story.”

“We needed a sug’ahcoating,” Louis chirps, gathering his flowers and settling on the rather plush mattress. With his belly round and obviously carrying, the boy is so pretty, nosing at the flower petals with lashes that cast shadows, and sculpted cheekbones. He might drool a bit when the boy’s gaze meets his, the blues a shade darker with promises. Of course he’s hard in seconds, visibly hard, though taking a seat on the stool beside the bed to take the flowers and place them on the neighboring loungers.

“Good news,” Harry breathes, stroking his belly.

“Good news,” the conviction in his voice is enough to get him through this.

&&

            “Alright, well,” Dr. Holt murmurs once the introductions are over with and Harry’s proved his dominance through implied threats and emphasized the importance of Holts’ dedication to him. “I have the results from your blood work, Louis. And I’m pleased to tell you the results have come back fairly normal and–,”

“Fairly?” Harry asks tightly even as Louis’ heart sprouts wings, prepared to soar with joy.

“Yes, fairly. Louis’ hCG hormone is unusually high. The ultrasound should help determine why.”

Already extremely tense Harry’s jaw works as Holt continues evenly, “We’re going to check the fetal heartbeat and confirm there are no abnormalities. The health concerns remain the same as any. Omegas, particularly male, are designed to carry children much the same a female Omegas, but it’s a bit more difficult due to hormone levels and the variance in adaptability. A lot of the times fetal development takes a bit more time, so be prepared to see the pregnancy into a year. Currently Louis is fairly healthy, though I’m going to stress the importance of eating better, especially in this case as Louis’ body is in the process of adjusting and fairly fragile at this point in the pregnancy. Miscarries are very high during the first trimester, the risen rate for males is a bit concerning.” Louis vows to do better, desperate to see this pregnancy through until he’s holding Little Love in his arms, alive and healthy.

“Are there any other, more helpful measure’s we can take to ensure his safety?” Harry demands, rather impolite.

Overwhelmed by the information Louis blinks slowly. “Unfortunately no. Just stay hydrated, light exercise, much rest, eat accordingly. Speaking of which, your sickness,” he glances at his laptop, frowning, “is reoccurring?”

With a helpless nod, Louis waits until Holt smiles cordially. “That’s not unheard of during the first pregnancy. Usually by the second trimester it’s ebbed significantly or stopped altogether. Not everybody is the same so I cannot say exactly how it will go for Louis. I apologise, Mr. Styles.” Of course it’s Harry he’s directing, because it’s Harry who’s making demands every which way.   Louis can’t seem to find his voice, smiling weakly up at his mum who’s stroking his hair alongside Harry.

“What about abnormalities? What happens then?” the Alpha spouts.

Seemingly used to overbearing Alphas, Holt is unperturbed. “That is for you and Louis to decide, my lord. I can only suggest and inform. Depending on how disconcerting the condition is you may want to consider terminating the pregnancy.” Just the mere notion causes Louis to flinch, looking up at Harry vulnerably.

“Say we decide to continue?” Harry is staring at Holt with an intensity that causes Louis’ heart to stutter in his chest, touched that Harry’s even taking his wishes into consideration. Oh, Haz…

“Then we do what we can. Monitor and do everything in our power to ensure the health of your pup, but most importantly Louis.”

“What are the odds Louis doesn’t survive this pregnancy?”

“That’s complicated. I’m confident Louis can get through this trimester without fault. First trimester is most concerning for the baby. The second and third trimesters the fetus is fairly secure. And if Louis’ body continues to accept its changes then Louis should be secure as well. Childbirth is the main concern. But Caesarean sections are more often applied to these cases. Unless Louis refuses.” At the thought Louis grimaces, but decides he will be grateful to any help he’s offered. With his Alpha regarding him expectantly Louis clears his throat, “I’ll do whatever I have to, Dr.”

“Very good, Louis. Your tolerance is going to help this pregnancy along.”

“Holt, I need an estimate.”

With a horribly contrite expression, “Fifty-fifty, my lord.” Louis’ heart sinks as Harry nods wildly, eyes glassy and lurking with those daunting thoughts. “But we will do everything in our power to make sure this is successful.”

Louis swallows thickly, squeezing Harry’s hand. “Thank you, sir,” Harry’s voice is an emotional rasp. “I have a few more questions on what to expect, but first I’d like to know what the restrictions are besides the obvious no alcohol, drugs, etecera.”

“There are quite a few. I will have a list prepared for you.”

Harry’s shoulders relax just enough that Louis’ anxiety eases. “Is sexual activity safe?”

A flush lights Louis’ face on fire, “Haz!” he hisses, though Holt remains professional as ever, “Up until month six sexual intercourse is acceptable unless there’s blood spotting. Then visit me immediately.”

“I could’ve told you that,” Jay says dryly, which oh no.

“Well then, let’s begin, shall we?”

Nervous vines twine through his veins as Louis nods, settling with his back to the reclined seat. Harry stiffly takes the stool beside him, clutching his hand, supporting him. Quelling his wearing faith.

“What’s happening?” Harry demands, hostility morphing his features as Louis tugs his tights down just enough to reveal his curving abdomen and his bruised hips (jeez, why had he invited his mum in the first place?). The poor doctor’s already been threatened and forced to go as in depth as possible, Harry’s just extremely controlling (perhaps he should wait outside–but that’d only cause a blowout, which Louis does not need right now).

“Haz, baby, please. Let the poor bloke do his job,” Louis chides, an entirely too pink flush spreading high on his cheeks nonetheless. It’s just…this Harry turns him on incredibly. And the Omega cannot afford to be turned on, with another Alpha in the room, his mum, and preparing for an ultrasound that’s going to make or break him.

“Mr. Styles I may have to ask you to step outside,” Holt says evenly. “This is strictly procedure. And I cannot have my patient under pressure or stress.”

Just like that Harry’s on the defense, baring his canines as an unbelievably menacing growl tears through the room.

“Harry!” Jay says sharply. “Enough! This behavior is out of line. Put the incisors away and focus on Louis right now.”

Grateful to his strictly no-nonsense mum Louis exhales once Harry reluctantly restrains his Alpha and sighs, “Sorry. Just tense times.”

“Understandable,” says Holt, oddly sympathetic. “I wasn’t very prepared with my mate either. Back then we didn’t have such advanced technology. Still Riley was adamant we go through with the pregnancy. I still have my mate. And I have three lovely identical daughters. I’m very blessed. I’m relieved, even now, that I listened to him despite fearing the worst.  ‘S not always easy, but I’ve learnt Omegas are stronger than they might appear.”

Amazed, a violent riptide of courage, pure and improved, washes away any terror for the moment. Such luck is virtually unheard of–even Jay makes an astonished noise. Louis’ gaze darts to Harry, who’s covered his eyes, but the intensity of Holt’s reassurance lifts the cloudy tension on the room.  “Alright. Okay. Yeah, let’s do this,” Harry croaks, stroking Louis’ knuckles with his thumb.  

Louis mouths, ‘good news’ before letting his lids fall shut as the lube is soothed into his belly, not unbearably cold but a bit uncomfortable. Its seconds before the device prods at his belly, his insides appear on the flat screens across the room on the wall. Always mesmerized, the Omega gawks, comforted as the lighting quick heartbeat floods the room, oddly jumbled. Louis’ brows furrow, though Holt doesn’t comment, moving the device until it’s pressed to the curve, and the filmy image appears. On the screen there are two somewhat ovals, inside them cloudy, filmy shapes, one more prominent than the other. Louis’ breath is tugged from his lungs as Holt comments, “Ah.”

“Ah? What’s that mean? What am I looking at?” his Alpha demands edgily.

“Congratulations, Louis, you appear to be carrying twins. Which explains the spiked hormones.”

Silence claims the room as Louis’ mouth parts, caught in the filmy image the Omega almost strokes his damp tummy, just barely refraining as love like no other wells in his heart–doubled for his little loves. Plural. Two.

“Oh my,” Jay’s breathy voice interrupts the spell. “This is…well this is…not very surprising. Twins do run the family.”

“No,” Harry’s barely audibly voice is horrified. “No, there must be some mistake. There...Oh…Christ.” Slumping on the mattress an entirely disturbed noise rips through him as his voice escalates, hand all but crushing his now, “Please tell me this is some sick joke. I can’t…Holt, tell me something or I’m going to combust!”

Clearing his throat as tears spear in Louis’ eyes at his Alpha’s negative reaction, Holt speaks calmly, “Although this does change the circumstances this is not necessarily a harmful thing, Mr. Styles. Louis’ body is already handling the addition fairly well. With no extreme adverse effects. Which is quite phenomenal. Remember my very male Omega produced triplets–,”

“You said everybody is different! What if my Omega’s body cannot–?” the Alpha starts to snarl.

Louis runs his fingers through Harry’s untamed, silky hair, “Haz, please, baby…” his voice quivers, misery raw in his tone. “Just listen to him.”

An unsteady noise before Harry nods into the hospital sheets, silenced to listen to Holt’s persistent words, “To be quite honest, my lord, the concern might just rest with the pups themselves. We can rule out an extended pregnancy, as twins are more likely than not to be premature birthed. Louis’ body can only stretch so much, which means one twin will more likely than not be larger than the other. Though that’s not guaranteed. Everybody is different.

“Health concerns are increased.  But I’m sure that’s not new information.” Another hurt noise from his Alpha, who’s strain emanates enough that traitorous tears ooze past his lashes. Oh, Haz… “This is the most sought after prenatal care in England, my lord. We’ve seen many male Omega pregnancies through successfully. We will do everything in our power to see this through successfully for all three lives. And personally I do believe Louis will carry these two finely. Already,” Holt glances at his monitor, “they appear healthy. We know Louis is healthy. And his body may not be equipped for two but it’s adaptable enough, and seems to be on the right track. I do not advise terminating this pregnancy.”

Just like that Louis’ every doubt diminishes, lurks in the unconscious crevasses of his mind but does not haunt his heart. “We’re going through with the pregnancy, Dr. Holt,” Louis states, smiling softly at his belly. With an abrupt lurch Harry sits up, pinning him with almost obsidian eyes, stark with all the horrors of his mind. “Does my fucking contribution not matter, Louis? Am I fucking imaginary? You make all the fucking decisions with any fucking thought for how I feel. When you’re ready to let me be your fucking mate come to me. I’m going home. Holt, Jay, have a fabulous bloody day.”

With that Harry rises, tries to snatch his hand away though Louis clings desperately. “Haz, please. Please, stay. I…I need you right now.” Scalding tears skate down his blanched face as Harry’s stare softens just a bit. “I can’t be in here right now. I can’t. ‘M sorry, paradise, but I’m not staying in this room another minute. I’m splitting wide open, I c-can’t silently let you make the decision to endanger your life. No, I’m going to…sit outside.”

Crestfallen, the Omega let’s go and watches through blurry eyes as Harry stalks out of the room, firmly closing the door behind him. Alone, Louis stems his tears, refuses to let his despair devour him, chants inwardly love my little loves, love my little loves, and clearing his throat to whisper, “I-I-Is there anything else I need to know?”

The proper doctor runs through everything in nearly ten minutes, even prepares lists for him (because Louis just can’t focus with the weight on his chest, suffocating him) with all the details he’s going to need. Two copies of his ultrasound pictures are supplied in the same folder and Louis breaks free in all of thirty minutes with his mum sparing him any pity or comfort (probably realizing Louis just needs Harry right now and won’t give anyone else’s console any consideration).

Numb, Louis announces to Harry, whose back is to the wall, hugging his knees and covering his face in his large hands, that he’s ready to go home. Without sparing him a glance Harry stands, and starts towards the exit. Louis thinks his hearts’ battered and bruised, losing its will to beat even as Jay wraps him up in her usually comforting arms, stroking his hair and whispe8ring, “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s scared. I mean we all are, but his reaction was certainly…disappointing and upsetting. Talk to him. I think the poor lad needs you just as much as you need him right now. I love you. Keep me updated. I’ll have Alberto take me home.”

Louis kisses her cheek, expressing the same appreciation, and walking away with his arms hugging his belly, his pups. The entire ride home drags on too long, silent and terrifying.

In the house the confrontation is inevitable.

There is no quiet conversation. There is no reason. There is belligerent upset until Louis is screaming in his face, “You don’t want us! Fine! I’m leaving you!” Just as venomous Harry snarls, “Not every time you’re fucking upset can you threaten to leave me! Hate to break it to you sweetheart but those are fucking my pups too! And you’re fucking stuck with me for the rest of your life! Which might not be too long!”

Which escalates the situation until Louis’ heaving object at him and Harry’s shoving his first through walls, stalking him as he shoves clothes in his bag. Panic charges the atmosphere until Louis’ sobbing over the bag, hyperventilating. Quiet, Harry drops to his knees beside him, hesitantly pulling him into his lap, where Louis succumbs to his spiraling trauma. Fisting the lapels of his stupid striped blazer Louis stains his button up with tears, “I n-n-n-need you right now! God damn it, Harry, I need you to take care of us. To support me! I’m scared! You aren’t the only one who’s scared, Harry!”

Clinging to him Harry buries his face in his wayward hair. “I know. I know I’m sorry. I want this. I’m here. I’m not goin’ anywhere, scared or not. Don’t leave me.”

“I-I-I’m not,” dry heaves wreck through him, “I love you, scared or not. I love them, scared or not. And I need you to love us the same!”

“I promise,” a disturbingly broken breath. “Scared or not I’m in this to win this. No regrets.”

Any other time those words would be so cheesy. Any other time Louis would laugh. Any other time Louis would tease him. “It’s my heart,” Louis hiccups. “Don’t try and test it. It’s mine. And I will love and love and love you like I will love and love and love them.”

“Okay, paradise. Okay,” Harry rasps. “I will never try to own your heart. But I need you to promise me the imprints I’ve left there will never dwindle. Promise me I will be the only one to touch your heart. Promise me this flame won’t die with these pups.”

A million times over Louis does.

&&

            Two weeks drift by until Harry’s standing in front of the forbidding therapist’s headquarters once again. It’s now that the monsters shake him to the very core, the vibrations defiling his already obsidian soul. Uncontrollably, his body begins to tremor under the abrupt assault.

It’s the first time Harry ditches therapy. Walks away. Just. Like. That.

Disoriented, with the monsters glee festering in his mind, the Alpha walks aimlessly. Like he could possibly outrun his demons.

It’s too much. It’s too much to fucking talk at this point. To conjure up anymore of the shit sloshing in his skull. Christ, he doesn’t need to add to the already towered pile. Doesn’t need to think about his personal issues when Louis’ nearly three months pregnant with his litter. Wearing. The more strength the pups gain the more strength Louis loses. It’s sickening to watch him give himself over to their demonic spawn. Irrationally the question flares in his mind: did he ever really fucking love me?  

Because it doesn’t seem so. Not anymore. Because he chooses to love the pups more.

So does he really fucking love me?

Of course the monster always provides an answer, ‘obviously not.’ Nothing more. Nothing less. It’s often enough, driving him to the brinks of insanity, until Harry’s locked in his room, distanced and eerily alone; until Louis is knocking hesitantly, seeking him. It’s just…Louis is okay. And Harry is not.

Even with the sweet pregnant glow Louis appears to be in more discomfort with each passing day. Some day’s Harry is terrified to leave his side. Terrified to even be by his side and watch their nightmare play out. Always terrified, lurching into consciousness because his brain fucks with him with the cruelest, crushing efforts. Returns him to the past, but conjures the future he’s anticipating. Blood, so much blood, pain pain pain, ruins closing in on him with his too lifeless paradise and his too alive litter.

Too often Harry curls up in the Omega’s arms, silently allowing his tears to stream, to just give into his terror. In those moments, with Louis blessedly unaware and celestial as ever, Harry cries. Cries because surely God never truly forgave him. Cries because surely the divine force lured him into this false sense of security, into believing happiness was within reach, into believing better was in paradises’ horizon, just to watch him burn in his own personal hell as he takes Louis away. And oh Christ he can’t sleep, he can’t sleep with his snarled thoughts on max volume, terror a steel knife buried in his throat, dragging him down down down into the inevitable spiral of mental meltdowns.

A constant terror lurks in every crevasses of his entire being; though Harry’s fought and fought against the disturbing emotion, though it’s forgotten when Louis’ being blissfully overjoyed, it’s still there. Everywhere. Coating his ugly insides.

And oh God he’s the only one that notices. Louis’ in this perpetual euphoric state–so lovely in his pregnancy. No matter the discomfort or the sickness or the fucking weather or Harry’s withdrawal the Omega is riding the waves of an untouchable high. Jealousy splits his veins–intensifies the ever growing self-loathing that’s sprouted. Christ, it’s just Harry wants to share his bliss, wants to want this, them, his pups. Trapped in his own pessimism Harry doesn’t feel anything beyond terror, dread, and anxiety.

At this point there is only one blissful high in grasp.

Like the vile creature he is, Harry is going to use it.

Fingers trembling Harry manages to text the number he’s memorized, ‘4 grams 600 pounds same place rn’

Absolutely no wait–‘1000 pounds, done’ which is overpriced, but that’s never bothered him before. Profit is profit.

Pocketing his phone Harry wheels around and heads north towards the alleyway on 6^th street. In the shadows the Alpha looms, perched on the building in wait. A figure appears at the mouth of the alleyway, and Harry fishes out his wallet, palms the grand (usually he keeps two or three grand on hand in cash for no reason other than security) and approaches. Demons hiss in anticipation. Without one word Harry holds out the pay, the male takes the money and leaves his purchase in his hand. Shoving his curled hand in his pocket Harry nods, and the two continue on their way. Always too simple.

Heartbeat an erratic thrum the Alpha rushes through the streets to his vacated car, settles in the driver’s seat and takes his curled hand from his pocket, opening his palm to find the monster caged by dime bags.

A ravenous appetite consumes him as Harry rummages through the glove compartments in search of any stable surface to spread his lines. A hardback handbook makes the cut. With it in his lap the Alpha tears open the baggie, mouth pooled with saliva as the monster chants happily, now now now.

Spreading sloppy lines with just his card the Alpha rolls his notes tight to lean down and–

Frozen, cross-eyed to stare at the white, vomit creeps up his throat as the inescapable clarity rails through him, demolishing any desire to snort up. Jerking upright, Harry swallows three times, screws his heavy lids shut and finds paradise around the monsters enraged howls. Around the demons clawing at his heart, threatening to steal his sanity bite by venomous bite.

Paradise.

Paradise is waiting for him at home. Paradise is waiting with his unborn babies. Paradise is depending on him to be better for them. And he is depending on paradise to ground him, help him be better. Except Louis can’t do that when Harry refuses to let him.

Yet somehow paradise always does. Even at his worst his paradise is there to whisper those sweet violent words he needs. There to take him to his dreamland. There, home, for him.

A sob comes from somewhere in his scraped raw lungs.

Paradise is counting on him to never leave again. Harry’s promised to always come home to him.

And he will. Just him. Not the monster, not the demons nor the past. Just…an Alpha who needs his Omega to breathe better, who loves his Omega unconditionally. Who always has, who always will.

A while the Alpha sits there, willingly losing himself to his mental devastation, locking the shit in his mental closet because right now, while he’s not in a psychologist’s office, it’s unwanted. A mental closet brimming with the demons he’s already conquered. Louis gives him the power, the will to be who he has always needed–wanted to be. Someone worthy of his love.

Realization settles in his chest–his growing pups give him some of that will, too. A special place in his heart has been claimed by the precious tiny creatures they’ve yet to welcome into this life. A life that should nurture them, a life that should only show them compassion and love. A life with two adoring parents, both who would give their lives for them without even a moment’s hesitation.

That’s what his pups deserve. His precious, innocent babies.

A litter of love is so damned fitting. A litter of Little Love’s.

In these moments it’s impossible to be afraid of them. Impossible to imagine them anything less than perfect. Impossible to find reason to carry around a disgust towards them that they do not deserve. Never have.

Because their babies love Louis. They have to. Undoubtedly they don’t want to hurt him, the one who’s given them a home where they only know warmth, love, safety. Much like Harry they won’t ever want to leave him because he’s their home, their protection. Much like Harry they need him. And if they’re anything like Harry, when they’re forced to leave him they’ll wail until their little lungs refuse them, until they’re allowed into his arms and swathed in his endless love. Already they’re so much like him. Depending on their papa who is depending on their daddy.

An unbreakable chain of devotion and love.

With another hoarse sound Harry returns to the better path. Rids himself of the monster for the last time and goes home to his paradise. Paradise that’s grown from just his Omega, to his Omega and his litter too.

As soon as he’s walked in, tossing the keys on the table, Louis is all over him. And fuck how could he doubt his love when the boy is running chills down his spine with every eager question and spreading goose bumps on his skin with every gentle touch? Clinging to him, fragile and small aside from the round of his formed baby belly, Harry reaches out to his invincible heart, says all those things he hasn’t in a while. Tells him. Speaks to his heart.

And when Louis finally asks how therapy was, Harry does not lie. Confesses to his almost relapse.

And when Louis’s leaning up to brush his tears, even as his own spill down his cheeks, Harry knows with his all that there is no better bliss than this. With his Omega breathing between scattered kisses, “I love you. We love you. So much. Always.” With his hand splayed on the round of his protruding belly, where their pups are striving.

With his heart stolen and sheltered by this one unbelievably perfect boy.

“I’m goin’ to be bett’ah, paradise. For you. For them. For me. For us.” With his entire being Harry believes it.

It’s the first and last time Harry ditches therapy.

&&

            “Paradise, come on! We’re going to be late!”

At the anxious edge to Harry’s voice the Omega’s pauses where he’s knelt in the wardrobe, struggling to find trousers that fit.

“Hazza,” Louis whimpers, shoulders slumping in defeat. “I just want to look decent. But nothing fits anymore.” Caught up in his swelling insecurity Louis doesn’t realize Harry’s entered the wardrobe until the Alpha is kneeling behind him, spreading his legs and flattening his hand on his very pregnant belly to urge him softly backwards until the Omega’s head rests on his shoulder, face buried in his throat.

“You always look lovely, paradise,” the Alpha breathes, stroking his belly.

Easily triggered searing tears tumble down his cheeks as the Omega snivels, “B-B-But I can’t dress anymore. You’re always dressed to perfection. Meanwhile I look like I just rolled out of bed every day. All I manage is spandex bottoms and loose T-shirts or jumpers. I’m ah m-m-mess.”

“You’re perfect to me,” it’s so genuine that Louis smiles watery, bringing his hand over where Harry’s is rubbing soothing circling into his belly. “Beautiful, sexy, the whole bit.”

“Y-Yeah right,” Louis giggles, planting kissing up the column of his throat. It’s been seven weeks without any intimacy beyond slow, mostly dispassionate snogging. Only fifteen weeks and two days into this pregnancy and Harry’s already lost interest in his body. Which devastates him, scares him more than this pregnancy. Because oh God he doesn’t want Harry to stray.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the confusion in his voice is so real Louis can only shrug, mortified. On a heavy exhale, “Alright then. C’mon. Get up.” 

“No,” Louis pouts, nipping at his ticking jaw. “I refuse.”

“No choice, paradise,” the Alpha murmurs with enough confidence that Louis guesses his next actions. But he’s very sluggish, and very pregnant, unable to be as swift as Harry, who’s up and lifting him without any hesitance. “No, Harry, stop,” Louis protests, anxiety bulleting through his veins as hands splay on the backs his thighs, urging him to wrap his legs around his waist. “’M heavy. Let me down.”

“Hold onto me,” the Alpha breathes, nosing at his cheek. “Come on. Trust me. I’m not going to drop you.”

Swallowing, the Omega nods, snaking his arms around his neck and burying his face in his throat again. Clinging to him. Purring at the sudden proximity, enveloping in his warmth. “Good boy,” a husky whisper into his hair as Harry strides, with an eerie grace.  Every step is an incredibly consoling lull. “Paradise,” Harry whispers throatily, clutching his thighs. “I want you. I’m sorry. I want you so bad I can barely keep from…”

Shivers run down his spine as seraphs spread their wings in his belly. “W-Why are you sorry?” the boy asks into his throat, hands tangling into his styled waves, fisting because his body is lighting up all over.

“’Cause I was reading,” his ridiculous pregnancy handbooks, “And I found out Alphas aren’t supposed to knot once their Omega is already pregnant. But my knot’s still swelling whenever I think about it. ‘Bout being inside of you.”

“Oh, God,” Louis mewls, already so turned on by the mere mention of being knotted. On fire, Louis’s cock tents in his tights, but with his belly there is nowhere to rut his hips. And oh God he’s already so wet, soaking up his tights as his hole clenches around nothing. “Want it. Want it, Haz.”

“I could hurt you,” the Alpha rasps, voice a thousand octaves lower.

“S-So thas’ why you won’t touch me anymore?” Louis asks breathlessly, parting his mouth around his pulse point to suck wetly. Once his skin is an appealing red, bruised and his, “Not ‘cause you don’t want me anymore?”

“Always want you,” the Alpha groans throatily, large hands squeezing the rounds of his ass as Louis purrs. “Always. You’re so pretty. All round and glowing with my pups. Prancing ‘round with your perky ass in those fucking tights. All the time.”

“For you,” Louis moans breathily, drenched with the heat of his need. “You’ve been neglecting me. I’m pregnant with your litter and needy for your cock.”

“Yeah? Yeah, pup,” the timbre drips from his voice as Louis kitten licks where his skin is bruised, yanking tuffs of his thick waves. “You’re mine. All swollen with my litter. Mine. Gonna have all my pups.”

Just the thought causes Louis’ little jolts to build in his body, the heat coiled so tight in his belly. “Yes, Alpha,” Louis whimpers, burrowing his nose in his neck where his head spins uncontrollably with how thick his scent’s become. “Anything.”

“Mm,” Harry hums, the vibrations felt everywhere. “Go sit on the bed while I change.”

In protest Louis whimpers, but Harry’s setting him on his feet nonetheless. Clutching the lapels of his blazer Louis shakes his head frantically, “No. I don’t wanna go out. I wanna lay with you.”

“Lat’ah,” the Alpha breathes, leaning down to kiss him, gentle and loving despite how Louis parts his mouth in welcome. “Bed. Now. And stay dressed.”

Bottom lip jutting Louis waddles just a bit on his stalk to the bed in the center of the room, then sits with his arms crossed. “You’re already dressed. ‘M wet. I’m the one who needs to change.”

With an all too determined look Harry orders, “Wait.”

Petulantly, Louis huffs, “I’ve been waiting seven weeks, Harold.”

“Whiny.”

“Yes!” Louis shouts at his stupid broad back in his stupid navy blazer as his stupid long legs carry him away towards the stupid exit. “’M goin’ to bitch until I’m being fucked proper!”

“Proper?” the Alpha asks, pausing in the doorway without looking at him (so rude).

“Proper,” the boy confirms, plopping backwards so his teary eyes are aimed at the ceiling.

“What’s proper?” his voice is a husky drawl, caressing his hypersensitive body. Achy all over Louis runs his fingertips over his swollen nipples, moaning breathily at the sharp flare in his tummy. Thumbing at the hard little peaks Louis’ lashes flutter as every nerve in his body lights up, an electric pleasure he’s never felt like this before, not from teasing his nipples. Impulsively, the boy carries his hand over his swollen tummy, towards where his cock’s trapped in his tights and–

A low growl rips through the room, flooding his senses as Louis’ back bows, mouth parted and wet to release tiny gasps, fingers tweaking his already puffy nipple. So close…so close, just one squeeze and–A hand takes his wrist, tugging his arm up enough to reach his free wrist, pinning both his hands above his head. “No,” Louis mewls, opening his eyes as Harry braces over him, hand planted beside his head. “Nonono, Haz, please.” But an Alpha rages in his blown stare, demanding and hot hot hot.

“Did I say you could touch?” A demand.

Tugging at his arms Louis squirms under the intensity, desperate to chase the fading heat low in his tummy, throbbing in his cock.

“Answer me.”

“No!” Louis pants once Harry’s flashes his canines, arching his throat in offering. When the Alpha leans forward, nosing at his throat the boy feels the heat coiling tight enough, anticipating the moment Harry’s teeth sink into his sweet spot. A smoky laugh interrupts his spiraling pleasure, “Oh, lovely. You’re so bad. Teasing me like this.”

Furious tears collect in his eyes. “You’re s-s-so mean.”

“’M not mean. Want tonight to be perfect. Special. So I can carry you into the house lat’ah and…”

“And?” Louis mumbles, losing his mind to the coiled heat as Harry’s thigh fits between his legs. And he’s rutting against his thigh, panting as the Alpha sucks love bites into his throat.

“Gonna come, pup? Goin’ to come for me if I tell you what I’m going to do to you?”

Wildly, without thinking, Louis nods, the friction spearing pleasure everywhere.

“Get my cock up in your tight little hole and fuck you proper. As hard as I can right now. ‘M goin’ to make you come over and over until you’re screaming my name. And when you’re crying and panting into the sheets I’m–,” Louis’ hips stutter, the coiled heat coming apart in his belly as the boy moans, “Haz, Haz, Haz,” until there’s nothing but static and sensation.

“Fuuuuck, pup,” a drawn out groan brings him back down to his body. Kisses are being planted along his features, his hands released, heated imprints of where Harry’s fingers held him hostage remain, residual shackles. They tremble as they cup Harry’s face, and Louis leans up to brush their mouths gently, “Wanna suck you off.” 

“Yeah? When we come home tonight.”

Eager, Louis kisses him again. “Bett’ah. When I find the rest of my body I can change.”

Growling playfully the Alpha swoops him, at the very least nine stone by now, and all that’s left in their wake are Louis’ enamored giggles and Harry’s ridiculous, not funny (attempts at) jokes.

&&

            “But where?” Louis whines, sulking in the passenger side, impatient as it’s been three hours already and they’ve driven through two districts and too many towns. “Where where where!”

At ease like he hasn’t been since the heat they spent together Harry laughs, almost illuminated by his excitement. “I told you it’s quite a drive.”

Pouting just because, the Omega humphs, and turns to face the window.

“Why the long face, paradise?” His natural optimism is too infectious, and Louis’ melting under its force. It’s been so long since Harry smiled like this. It’s been so long since Harry’s been so excited. And oh God the nest of butterflies in his belly are awakened by playful happy Harry. This is Harry before he stopped giving any fucks. When he was overly emotional and cheeky and charming and dodged bullets.

Louis missed this–more than anything he’s realizing.

Facing him, the Omega cannot contain his smile, chirping, “I’m simply restless, Daddy Dearest. And brimming with excitement as where we are meant to be.”

“Together.”

Biting his lower lip Louis stifles the most girlish giggle his traitorous tongue has formed. “We are, aren’t we?” is what Louis manages once Harry’s hand covers his knee, stroking. “We’re not too far now, Papa Paradise.”

Dissolving into laughter at the name Louis pats his hand. “Oh, love. Don’t eva call me that again.”

“What?” the Alpha glances at him with an entirely too pleased grin. “Papa Paradise. ‘S cute. Like you.”

“Daddy Dearest is funny. Unlike you,” Louis retorts sweetly, batting his lashes.

And it’s Harry’s turn to pout. “You wound me. I’m telling our daughters all about your mean ways.” Louis’ heart spreads its wings and soars because Harry doesn’t talk about this, doesn’t talk about their steadily approaching future, about their pups. Not like this–not when their minds aren’t clouded with sexual craving.

A blush spreads high on his cheeks as Louis whispers, “Don’t know that. Could be daughter and son.”

“Every family’s dream. In one go we have both.”

A dusky cloud settles over him, threatening to downpour once Louis whispers shyly, “But I don’t just want one of each gender.”

Any other time Harry would tense up at the mention of any children beyond these two. But oh he’s in such an amazing mood and Louis is basking in his sudden enthusiasm. Tonight his Alpha smiles, so wide the boy’s cheeks ache for him, though he’s itching to poke at the crater in his cheek, “We’ll see how this one goes. You’re doing so well, paradise.”

Under the praise Louis brightens incredibly. “They love me,” the Omega whispers fondly, stroking his belly over the wool of his jumper, “We’re strong.”

Squeezing his thigh Harry mutters gruffly, emotional beyond upset and resentment, “Yeah. They do. I mean…if they’re anything like me they love you. And if they’re anything like you, they’re strong.” And oh God Harry’s never truly acknowledged them like this, never acknowledged they’d have any of his attributes. As if they weren’t his–like they were bastard children, illegitimate.

At the thought Louis flinches, caressing the curve of his belly with more love, enough love to make up for what Harry’s yet to show them. “What? What’s wrong?”

Louis chews nervously on his bottom lip, then admits, “I was kinda scared you didn’t think they were yours.”

Rather rudely Harry laughs outright, patting his knee, “Louis! Louis, baby, what.” When the boy only shrugs helplessly, “You may be manipulative but I’ve known you eleven years. I know when you’re lying. Really, I knew you were lying when you said you were on birth control. I know I was the Alpha you laid with. I know I was the first. And I know I’m going to be the only. I know like I know the earth is fucking spherical that this litter is mine. And if they weren’t, though that’s impossible, I’d still be here.”

And here comes the waterworks. At least they’re touched tears. At least Harry’s so focused on the road Louis can quickly dab them into nonexistence. Luck is on his side as Harry says, “We are almost there.” Louis peers out the window to find, “Buxton? Harry, why the hell are we in Buxton?” Curious, the Omega lowers the window, pokes his head out to make sure he’d read right. “Louis, put your head back in the car.”

Refreshed, excited, Louis leans out a bit more so his belly brushes the interior of the door. “Louis. I’m serious. Sit down,” the Alpha bite to his command riles him like no other, so (albeit stupidly) Louis stretches further, one with the wind and all. “God damn it!” the shout is laced with such apprehension that the boy jerks back into his seat. Raising and obviously locking the windows Harry focuses straight ahead, knuckles white with how taut his grip is on the steering wheel. Chewing nervously on his bottom lip Louis fidgets, hands wringing in his lap. When there is no reaction the Omega blurts, “That was stupid.”

“Extremely stupid,” the Alpha snaps, though once Louis shrinks just a bit Harry exhales shakily. “Apologise.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispers, truly meaning it.

“Don’t pull shit like that. Don’t endanger yourself or my litter.”

With his blood running cold Louis lowers his stare, ashamed to have acted out like that.  Pathetic tears pool in his eyes, blurring his vision as the Omega rubs his Little Loves in apology. As his breaths hitch in his throat Louis struggles to stem his tears, but it’s futile as Harry’s hand returns to its previous place on his knee, stroking over his tights. “Please, don’t cry, paradise.” But Louis can’t stop, guilt lancing his veins. “Hey,” Harry says gently, stroking up his thigh, “’S okay. It wasn’t intentional. You just…You just need to remember you’re three people now. And I need you to be as careful as possible for the safety of the babies.”

“B-B-But,” Louis hiccups around frantic breaths, “I’m s-s-so childish! A-A-And what if I’m n-not fit to be a parent?”

“Hush. You’re going to be the best. You’re already the best. Pup, you’re doing perfect. You’re eating right. You’re thinking about them, and what they’re going to need and you’re…I wish I could be so considerate. B-But all I’m thinking about is you being okay and then…well, blowing raspberries into their little belly’s and playing pica-boo and all that silly shit I shouldn’t be thinkin’ ‘bout right now. And then you’re sitting there with your bump, our litter, and it’s so beautiful and I just love this sometimes. When I’m not scared I love this. I love being here to watch your belly grow as they do. I love being here to watch you comfort them when you’re scared. I love being here to watch how you’ve started to waddle and started being emotional as I can be. I love being here. I’m sorry that I’ve not reassured you enough. But…all I think anymore is how stunning you are, pregnant and supporting two other developing pups. I just…I…” he’s breathing rough by the time he stumbles on his words, and Louis can’t stop crying, awash with joy, “I know you’re going to be the best of us. Because you already are. Never think otherwise.”

And oh God the Omega just wants to climb into his lap and tell him; tell him he loves him, his pups love him, tell him he’s the best to and for him. The best Alpha, the best mate, soon to be the best daddy. Because in his soul Louis knows Harry’s going to be the favourite. Because he knows Harry’s going to be the cool daddy. And Louis is going to worry and worry and worry himself sick between the three of them. And he just…he can’t wait.

Right now, while he can’t settle in his lap, Louis tangles their fingers. Silent, Harry squeezes, and Louis’ never breathed better.

Any residual toxins from his constant anxiety dissipates with fresh doses of his Alpha’s support. Everything feels okay. For the first time in so long…everything feels perfect.

&&

            “Okay! Okay!” Louis giggles breathlessly once Harry’s helping him out of the car and onto the concrete. As the sun is currently setting the Omega’s able to take in their environment. Trees. Glassy dome-shaped buildings. Which okay? “Where are we?”

With a breathtaking grin Harry asks softly, obviously just barely containing his exhilaration, “Care for a stroll?”

Louis frowns, but tucks his hand in the crook of his elbow, which Harry inhales sharply at, “You’re freezing, Louis. How haven’t your poor little fingers turned blue yet?” But really Harry is so warm, and Louis curls his fingers into his skin, sinking into his side and shivering at the warmth that emanates from him. “They’re always cold,” Louis soothes softly, “’S okay.”

“We’re talking about this tomorrow,” the warning in his voice is prominent enough that Louis noses at his arm, leeching on his warmth. “Mind if I court you?” is his next fondly exasperated question. The oddly worded question triggers a previously docile memory, but the Omega cannot be bothered with it. Wants to stay here. With his Harry. Right now.  “Court me,” Louis breathes, smiling dreamily up at him.

Emotion dances in his mossy stare, though without another word Harry’s guiding them down one particular pathway. Happily, Louis hums, “So where are we?”

“Pavilion Gardens.”

As peak district is nowhere near Louis’ childhood environment he cannot recognize or even figure the glorified attraction. It’s pretty enough. Sunset stretches out before them, steadily leaving shades of pretty pinks and radiant yellows in its wake. All the trees, the spiraling pathways surrounded by beautifully trimmed grass and precisely placed shrubberies. Looking now the scene is quite beautiful. “It’s beautiful,” Louis says softly.

“You don’t know much ‘bout the Pavilion Gardens, d’you, paradise?” the smug tone tells Louis there’s obviously more to this. Silent, the boy shakes his head, gazing up at him hopefully. “Didn’t think so.” Another gorgeous, toothy grin. “This way.” Like Louis was going to ditch him. Giggling, the boy struggles to catch up as an exquisite blue consumes the sky, with a brilliant orange brimming on the horizon. As they continue down their curvy pathway, Louis drinks in the sights, the gazebos, the picnics, the grinning and waving residents, grinning and waving back for no reason other than their consideration (not coming up to them). “Wow,” Louis says, already out of breath, “This is a walk.”

Brows knitted Harry pauses, “Should I carry you? It’s not too far now but I don’t want you to be in pain. I didn’t think about how the walk might affect your body.”

Charmed, Louis smiles, “I think ‘m alright. My feetie’s are fine, Harold. Lead the way.”

But of course his Alpha doesn’t give in, leaning down to wrap an arm underneath his thighs as the other rounds his waist. “’Azza!” Louis squeals, wrapping an arm around his shoulders for more support. “Really! I’m fine to walk!”

“Shh.’M taking care of you. Enjoy the view,” Harry urges, clutching him to his chest until Louis sighs, but snuggles closer, idly rubbing his baby bump as he does what he’s told. It’s truly beautiful–perhaps Harry does know his sceneries. When they’ve stopped the sun has bid them farewell, leaving only an entirely dark, starry night.

They’re fenced by trees, an oddly serene silence aside from natural’s music. “Here we are,” Harry breathes, setting him on his feet, but taking his hand. “I’m very nervous so bear with me.”

Brows furrowed Louis starts to question but Harry smiles, all boyish magnetism, tugging him through a mostly veiled opening in the shrubbery. Stumbling behind him Louis nearly scolds him for being so hasty but the thought dies as the boy realizes what’s happening.

From where Louis stands an overwhelming scene is splayed, illuminated by the dull moonlight. Moonlight that ripples and gleams on the surface of the calm water of an obvious river. Where they stand must be the riverbank. Neighboring there is more greenery, but Louis’s gaze is drawn to the bridge in the near distance, lovely and arched and just so…perfect.

Squeezing his hand Harry all but drags him forward through the plush grass. It’s there Louis finds an impressively sized rowboat, where an unknown bloke, seemingly Alpha, has settled on its edge, bouncing up at the sight of them and grabbing for the rope that must keep the boat from floating away. Absorbed, the Omega watches as the boat is situated for visitors. “I don’t know how to row, and I think it’d be a bit difficult right now so I hope you won’t mind he’s to come with us. He’s not going to sing or anything like that. He’s just goin’ to row our boat,” a nervous laugh forms in his throat, then, “gently down the stream and have his headphones in. Right, Daniel?” Once the Alpha’s confirmed, Harry implores with bated breath, “Come with me.” And so Louis nods slowly, helped into the boat through breathless giggles and shrieks until he’s seated on the padded bench and Harry’s sitting before him on the next, their ankles twined loosely.

With his hands on his bump Louis smiles shyly, so extraordinarily smitten as Harry smiles timidly. “I just want to make all your wishes come true. And I’ll start with these ones. Yeah?”

It’s heaven. This. Them. Like this. Especially as the boat begins its journey towards the bridge. Disturbed, the waters ripple prettily, and Louis is lost to the little, mellifluous noises of the water lapping at the boat, to catch the first glow overhead. But then everywhere is glowing, flourishing and beauteous, illuminated by the swift paper lantern invasion, all the little lights floating above them. So many. Too many.

Louis melts. Unable to breathe, or think, or know anything beyond the tempest of emotion. Just feeling. Feeling who they are, what they are. The enormity of their devotion, their love. A paradise all on its own.

“You said Disney. Anything Disney sweet. And well this was on a Disney film and its Disney sweet. And I know you wanted the boat ride in Paris, but we’re going to be mated in two weeks and you’re going to be nearly four months pregnant by then so I didn’t want you traveling any more than necessary.”

“How long ‘ave you been planning this?” Louis asks breathily with his heart in his mouth, glowing like lanterns in his eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to give this to you. I always wanted to be the Alpha to make your every dream come true. I asked all those years ago because I just wanted to imagine I’d be the one. The one to touch your heart–the Alpha you talked about all the time. I didn’t think I ever could be that Alpha. I didn’t…believe in myself. I never could have. But you did,” the stark ache in his voice strikes at his already drumming heart as his eyes brim with tears. “You believed in me. No matter how many times I hurt you. No matter how many times I let you down. When nobody else would, you believed in me,” his voice breaks and so does Louis. Into infinite pieces. It’s like he’s spiraled into this never-ending tempest of love. A fairytale. A rather rugged one with too much pain and trouble. But this is what love’s tethered out–them. Washing away any pain that’s bottled up, tears spill down his cheeks. “You believed in me when I couldn’t even believe in me, paradise. And you still believe in me despite it all. You brought me back. You brought me home.”

Overwhelmed with euphoria the Omega tears his blurred stare from the lantern swarmed sky to Harry. Sitting there, observing him with an intensity that’s brighter than the glow around them, the Alpha continues shakily, “I have loved you since before I knew the meaning of love. And it’s always going to be you. I may not own your heart, but you own mine, paradise. You’ve never led me wrong before. And I promise to never lead you wrong again. I promise to be faithful to you, to this, always. I promise to take care of you. I promise to take care of them. I promise to take care of me. I promise to bear the weight of the world for you. I promise to never forget one moment I’ve had with you. To cherish you. Next time I stand tall I want to be standing for you. I promise I will be stronger.”  With an unsteady breath, Harry envelopes his left hand in both of his, warm and secure, all the while holding his gaze. “And I promise to always come home to you.”

It’s perfectly timed. As they’re passing underneath the shadowy bridge the structure lights up brilliantly. Letters dangle from its ledge, twinkling and dazzling, ‘Will you mate me?’

Stealing his attention as his breaths quicken, nerves alight, Harry places an already opened velvet box in his limp palm. But oh God Louis can’t see it, vision indistinct with the force of his tears. “I have so much more I want to say, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life sayin’ what I can’t now. I love you. Be my permanent paradise. Let me be your Alpha.” Raspy, compelling him to nod madly, unable to find his voice.

Blinking rapidly, trembling, Louis focuses on what’s nestled in the box–a diamond the size of an apple or a baseball or his head. A steel band is nestled beside it, which Louis asks around bated breaths, “W-What’s–?”

“I didn’t know whether you’d fancy the customary steel band, though there’s diamonds embedded, or just the diamond with the plated gold more,” Harry explains timidly. “You like subtle and flashy…” Such pressure. Oh, Haz…

“C-C-Can I have both?” Louis snivels stupidly as the Alpha strokes his wrist.

“Of course,” his smile is teasing as his hand returns to take the box. “But which one can I put on now?”

“Diamond,” the boy manages, and Harry takes the glittering diamond ring to tuck the box into the inside pocket of his blazer. Hesitant, the Alpha whispers, still gazing at him softly, “Tell me.”

“Yes,” Louis tells him, voice reedy and uneven. “Yes. I love you. Yes.”

Smiling, “And I you, paradise,” before slipping the ring onto his finger (it’s perfectly sized, snug and heavy) and admiring the sight for an instance too long.  Out of control, too in love, Louis catapults himself at him. Which. Bad idea. With his weight suddenly lifted, and all the weight on their side the boat tips and pitches them into the water.

A second panic grasps him but instinctively the Omega breaks the surface, knocking his head on the bench he’d been sitting, seemingly above him now. Gasping, as the water in his ears drain Harry’s expletives rage with his lurch from the water, doing much the same and slamming his head into the boats interior, growling like an upset kitten. Around chattering teeth Louis laughs, soaking with his hair plastered to his face and his clothes sticking to his skin.

Much the same Harry’s curls are flat all around, framing his face. “This is so Disney,” the boy giggles, staying afloat through sheer will though his struggle is lessened when Harry’s arm circles his waist. “I’m going to spank the living hell out of you,” the Alpha growls, thoroughly upset. Before the boy can respond Harry’s shoving the boat up and over, leaving him to return to it, then leaning down to take him under the arms and heft all his weight. Already the vessel is flooded with water up to his ankles as Louis stands there, hugging his tummy, slightly afraid he’s hurt his pups though he hadn’t bumped into anything (or hadn’t felt it at least). There is no pain, there is no gut feeling that something’s wrong…though Harry jerks around, jostling the boat again. “Are you okay? Are they okay?”

At the wild anxiety to his voice Louis nods, though before Harry says another word, “Are you guys alive down there?” Louis jumps at the distant sound of his father’s voice. “Should we come down?”

“We’re alright!” Harry calls back distractedly, then scanning the unsettled water as the boat drifts a bit, “Where the bloody hell is Daniel?”

“Lost at sea,” Louis laughs madly, “We’re murderers! Poor Daniel! Daniel, mate, come back!”

“I’m so sick of love,” Harry murmurs darkly, though the affectionate glaze to his eyes says different. “We’ve never taken anything slow, ‘ave we?”

“I beg to differ,” Louis scoffs, shivering with the gentle breeze spreading goose bumps along his skin. “I’ve been waiting for this my entire life.”

“Yeah,” the Alpha agrees softly, shuffling over to him. “Did I get something right this time ‘round?”

Stretching on his tiptoes the Omega kisses him, molding their mouths until their hearts beat the same, pouring his all into the contact, his love and his trust. Gasping, “Now. Now it’s right. It’s perfect.” And oh God it is, with Harry"s hand sneaking between them and splaying over his baby belly, with his eternal diamond caught in his damp curls and their mouths clinging, savoring. Any wait was worth this. Because this is them, now. Nothing else matters. The past, the then, is nothing compared to their now. Because it"s theirs. And nothing can possibly take this from them. It will always be theirs. Their moment. Their happily ever after.

(Vaguely their audience goes wild. As wild as the love that’s run Louis’ heart right into Harry’s hands. It’s this time that Louis knows Harry’s hands are in no need of cleansing. And it’s this time Louis knows his heart will always be able to withstand Harry’s touch.)

&&

            By the time Harry’s able to carry Louis home it’s 4 A.M. and his lovely Omega is already asleep. Snuffling adorably, Louis buries his face into his chest as Harry tries his best not to jostle him in his blind fight to unlock the door and entire the security codes. Obviously exhausted by the day’s upheaval Louis gives not one indication of being disturbed, an exquisite weight in his arms. Closing the door with his boot Harry pauses again to reactivate the security, locks the bolts, and carries him through the shadowy hallways, up the two flights into their bedroom. Gently lying him in bed Harry removes his shoes, laughing gently when Louis’ unconsciously kicks at him, socks following to massage lightly at the pads of his feet. This obviously isn’t his erogenous spot as Louis’ kicking again, mumbling, “Lemme ‘lone, ‘Az, you bloody tosser,” adorably upset.

Fondly Harry watches him curl up tiny on his side, shivering.

In seconds the Alpha’s shed his clothes, ignoring his semi to jack the blankets at the end of the body over them once he’s shimmied down to nose at his belly and squeezes his chunky thighs. Louis’ hand forage in his unruly hair, “Mmm. Sleepin’. Sleep, Harry.”

And so later doesn’t come that night…but that’s okay. Harry’s never been so happy. Just like this. With his Omega safe and sound in his arms. And their pups safe and sound in his Omega.

&&

            Louis’s clinging to him once their three day ceremony is at its ends (finally). Clinging like Harry’s the only Alpha in the world. And in his world Harry is. The very air Louis’ lungs need to breathe, the very energy that’s hotwire his heart, the fire in his soul. “Uh,” Louis mewls when Harry’s hands splay on his arse, in the stretchy material of his (somewhat) slacks.

Breath hot, delicious, the Alpha’s tongue tastes like frosting, spreading sugar in his mouth as Louis incites him; mouth parted just enough to be an invitation, stroking, submitting to his thrusts. “You’re mine,” Louis mewls, lit up by the very words. With an unsteady groan Harry’s canines lock on his bottom lip, the sting fiery in his veins. And the soft suction on his flesh dizzies him until Louis is panting into his mouth, fingers aching with how desperate he’s gripping tuffs of his slightly wilted curls. “Yeah. Yeah. Yours,” is his husky approval as his hands work the flesh of his ass.

“Bed, Alpha,” the boy gasps once his canines tug at his bottom lip.

“Yeah, bed. Right now.” Desperation thickens in his voice as Harry hitches him, one arm wrapped underneath his thighs so his hand is gripping one globe, the other gripping his hip as Louis rakes his nails down his throat, teasing his mouth as heat pours over him. God, that he’s even able to carry him at this point sends sensation throbbing in his searing veins until he’s aching everywhere.

In minutes Louis’s being forced onto the mattress, watching hazily as Harry kneels, making quick work of removing his shoes. Needy from two months without the boy writhers on the mattress, yanking his shirt from his trousers to make this quick as possible, trying to remember how to undo buttons but failing miserably.

A radioactive heat flares hot hot hot in his rounded belly, already swollen sizes Louis hadn’t thought possible for him. But oh God he doesn’t care that he resembles a bloody whale right now he just needs. “I need I need I need,” Louis whimpers as Harry deftly begins to peel his trousers down his sawing legs, thighs already slick with how wet he is.

“Okay, pup, okay,” the Alpha rasps, spreading his thighs wide to mouth at his skin, groaning around the vicious pulls of his mouth, nipping hard until Louis’s locked his legs around his head, desperate for anything the Alpha gives him. Between his legs Harry whispers huskily, “Smells so lovely, pup. Let me have.”

Just like that the Omega’s legs fall apart, clawing at the sheets, bowing his constantly aching back, unable to feel anything around the pleasure thick in his bloodstream. “Alpha, Alpha, Alpha,” the boy chants deliriously as Harry bites up his right thigh before circling the head of his cock with his ruby red lips. His gasp becomes a pitchy whine as his hands fist Harry’s curls, canting his hips so his cock’s surrounded by heat, wet and sloppily. When the Alpha hums, the vibrations are felt everywhere. Stealing his breath, Harry tongues up his length, bobbing his head, curls loose and pretty in Louis’ hands. Every drag is another torrent of pleasure until it’s too much too much too much and Louis’ coming apart at the seams with his orgasm, crying viciously as white bursts behind his eyes.

Sweet, the Alpha sucks softly, until post orgasm shudders wreck up his spine. “I was supposed to suck you off,” the boy mumbles as Harry’s mouth runs up the shirt concealed curve of his taunt tummy.

“’M takin’ care of you,” his voice is raw, and Louis whimpers at the timbre coating the words, needing to be taken, to have nine inches of cock stretching him too full, painfully full.

“But I’ve nev’ah given head,” Louis protests breathily, not really thinking. “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

“That’s not very pleasant,” Harry says darkly. Frowning, Louis yanks at his curls, pinning him with a hazy glare. “Don’t you dare ruin this mo’. I don’t wanna hear ‘bout who you’ve lain with beside meself. Like ev’ah again. You’re mine. Thas’ my name on your back. For me only.”

“Possessive,” the Alpha drawls silkily, blown stare hungry and wanting, “’S hot.”

Louis sighs, slumping with his heartbeat thundering in his ears. “You’re ruining it, Haz.”

A beat of silence, then, “’M sorry, paradise. ‘S only you… I’ll fuck your face next time.” A thrill runs through him at the words until he’s nodding madly, “Carry on, slave.”

A smoky laugh echoes through his body as Harry braces over him, between his legs, dipping forward to mouth at his jaw, teasing him as his parted lips run down his throat, breath ghosting over his bonding spot. Louis shivers as the heat builds again, lashes fluttering, victim to the sensation. “Save the best for last.”

Though the Omega shakes his head, mumbles, “no don’t wanna wait, now,” Harry moved onto his shoulder. “Mm. This won’t do.” And hazily Louis knows the loss of skin-to-skin contact is necessary, but oh God it’s cold without and Louis is whimpering, peering through his lashes to watch Harry’s hands take the collar of his shirt and yank so buttons go flying and he lifts his heavy arms so the Alpha can complete his work. And then he’s naked–belly so round Louis can’t see his how flushed his cock is, hard and wet against the curve.

When the Alpha examines with the green of his eyes thin rings around hungry black Louis melts all over again. Because he’s staring at him like he’s beautiful and sexy and the whole bit, even though the Omega knows he’s far from it right now. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, pup,” Harry whispers huskily, fingertips warm running down his sides. “So…damned pretty. Can’t wait to just…” With an uneven breath Harry closes his eyes, like the sight actually hurts him. Which confuses him enough that Louis is tossing an arm over his face to hide the sight and focus on the hypersensitive feel.

“Look at me,” the Alpha orders until Louis whimpers, shaking his head. “Look at me, paradise.” With his Omega flaring to life Louis can’t help but listen.

With an unsteady breath the boy takes his arm back to stare through thick lashes. “You’re too pretty for your own good.”

A flush spreads from his face down his throat to his heaving chest as he searches Harry’s dark stare, finding hunger and love and the same need Louis feels all over. “Reckon you tell all the Omegas that.”

“You’re lookin’ to get spanked.” Standing there, much too dressed, and much too composed, Harry’s stare does not waver, and Louis’s smart remark does not reach them because he’s speaking again, “’S your night, pup. Tell me what you want.”

“You,” Louis says breathily. “Just…you. I don’t want control. No control. Do what you want to me.”

“So now it’s my night?” the Alpha smiles softly, caressing his belly, leaving trials of warmth. “Wanna taste you. Been too long.” Whimpering softly, the Omega sits up, hands braced on the mattress to grab the stretch and shove the lapels of his suit’s jacket until it’s dropped to the floor. Careful with the buttons Louis undoes them one by one, leaving sweet kisses on every bared inch of skin with Harry’s hands running through his kinky hair. Under his mouth Harry’s blazing, and the nearer Louis draws to the waistline of his trousers the thicker that delicious scent flares. “Gonna fuck my face now?” Louis giggles, tracing the slight indentations of his abs.

“No. Gonna get my mouth on you,” Harry rasps. Before the boy can pout Harry’s stroking his bottom lip, “What’s the most comfortable position for you?”

Distracted by the reminder that he’s basically handicap, Louis blushes, shrugging, “I dunno. We haven’t really tried any out,” the grudging tone must be the reason Harry’s laughing, which Louis does not appreciate.

 “Hands and knees, paradise,” the Alpha murmurs once Louis frowns. “No. Now I don’t want to.”

“You’re goin’ to,” Harry murmurs. “’Cause you’re my good boy, right, pup?”

“No. ‘Cause I’m needy. And I’ve not been fucked in two months,” Louis mumbles, meaning yes your good boy.

“I’ll take it,” Harry whispers with an entirely too boyish grin. “C’mon. Be good. I can’t move you.”

“Because I’m fat.”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you. You know your body best. I’m not moving you too fast or too rough. You already whine too much as is.”

“You try carrying two pups,” the boy snaps.

“I would if I could.”

“I thought the same,” Louis smiles shyly. “Still think so. I’d do this again. I’d do this a million times over.”

“A million pups? A million little Tomlinson-Styles’s running amuck? Lord save us all.”

Patting the curve of his belly Louis giggles, “We’re going to have the most gorgeous pups. Look at us. God, we’re attractive as fuck.”

“They say two attractive people make ugly babies.” By the cheeky grin Harry knows their babies will be beautiful.

Scandalized, the Omega strokes lovingly, glowering at him, “Don’t call our babies ugly, Mr. Tomlinson-Styles.”

“Like that,” Harry breathes, then, “They always look like little potatoes when they’re born.”

“You’re just wrong,” but the boy can’t contain his grin. “Beautiful little potatoes.”

“Beautiful little potatoes,” Harry agrees quietly. “Quit distractin’ me. Hands and knees.”

“But now I wanna talk babies,” Louis says seriously with a contrite look. “Can we do this later?”

His crushed expression is nothing compared to how he tries to hide it, smiling tightly enough that Louis dissolves into giggles, “You really wanna fuck, don’t ya?”

“Jokes, huh? You’re not nearly needy enough for my liking, paradise,” Harry says, and before he can even blink Louis’s pinned on his back as Harry holds his weight over him, mouth closing on one of his too sensitive nipples. “Oh, God,” Louis gasps again, his every nerve ending sparked with fiery sensation. Involuntarily Louis bows his back, fisting his mop of curls. Every flick of his tongue, every pull of his lips, drenches him in heat until Louis can’t remember how to breathe, gasping only his visions gone hazy with pleasure.

“Mm. So sensitive, pup. Gonna make you come like this.” And his teeth close on his nipple, tugging as Louis moans breathily, “Yes.” Teasing him the Alpha slows the slick drags of his tongue, of his thumb over the next, retreating a bit, despite how Louis’ gripping his hair, to blow softly until tears are crowding his eyes. So close–steadily leaking the heat from his belly causes his cock to ache and his hole to clench up, empty and wanting. “Please!” Louis cries raggedly, teardrops trickling towards his ears. “Please, ‘Arry.”

Groaning low in his throat the Alpha moves to the nipple his fingers toyed with, closing around the little nub while his fingers pinch the other, wet and puffy by now. Searing him Harry nips, canines catching his flesh, tipping him over the precipice. Seizing up, Louis whines, pitchy and embarrassing as his cock throbs, pulsing with all his pleasure.

Shivering, the Omega tries to curl up, sleepy and sated, but Harry’s trapped him, “’M not done with you yet, paradise. Hands and knees.”

Louis mewls, body awakened after two months of neglect. Slowly, the boy sits up on his knees and turns to plants his hands on the mattress, bowing his head submissively. Blessedly, there is no wait, the Alpha’s hands grip both rounds of his ass, spreading him to growl deep in his throat, “Oh, love, you’re so tight. Gonna loosen you up a bit.”

Louis mewls again, unable to find his voice around panting breaths and needy noises as Harry inhales, long and deep, groaning again before his breath is hot on Louis’ fluttering hole. Gasping, his eyes spring open to see nothing but the untidy sheets. It’s always too much–he’s so hot already, slick trickling wetly down the backs of his thighs and his achy balls as Harry’s mouth drags over his entrance. Veins alight with fire the boy chases his mouth though like always the Alpha holds him still, fingers burrowing into the flesh of his ass.

Languid, like he’s savoring, Harry’s tongue works his swollen hole, circling, teasing, jabbing at him until Louis’s crying into his arms, belly just barely touching the mattress with how his back’s arched (this will come back to haunt him, but right now all Louis feels is bliss bliss bliss). Without warning, around his tongue’s wet draws on his hole, a finger plunges into his hole and Louis whimpers, “ah,” as his hands grip the sheets, achy and desperate.

Avoiding his prostate Harry circles his fingers, stretching him slowly, tongue joining as Louis begins to cry in earnest, “please, Harry, I f-f-feel so empty,” and “I need you!” and “I’m gonna come.” Another finger forces its way, snug and stingy in the best ways. As both draw out, they curl, rubbing against his sweet bundle of nerves. Louis comes undone again, overstimulated as two becomes three, fucking him sloppily, stretching as his orgasm spirals on and on.

“Yeah, pup. Gonna fuck you now,” is all Louis catches before he’s empty, clenching around nothing, crying pitifully for Harry to just do something and make him better.

And oh God he does. So hot the head of his cock is blunt and thick prodding at his hole. “Relax, pup. Jus’ hold position for me, okay. Don’t wanna hurt our precious cargo.”

Louis nods madly, not really listening because his heads gone fuzzy with his orgasms and all he can think about is how full he’s going to be, stuffed full. “Pup, please, tell me you’re listening.” Again Louis nods, and Harry groans, “Can’t wait, can’t wait,” forcing the thick head of his cock into his hole as a broken noise forms in his chest. And then the Alpha’s sinking into him, slowly, inch by tormenting inch.

On instinct Louis curls his fingers on the sheets to keep his hands planted, moaning as the white-hot pleasure torrents through his veins and Harry bottoms out. Around his sounds, Harry’s making his own, husky growls as he gives him a moment to adjust to the sudden invasion.

And like always it’s not enough time. Harry’s drawing slickly out, pressing against his prostate once he’s shoving back into him, filling him. On fire Louis mewls, and lets his Alpha do the work, hands on his hips as his pace becomes brutal, like Louis needs. Swamped, the boy focuses on the wet drags and the ecstasy they bring until his head is swimming, and his forearms shake, struggling to hold his weight. “You’re so good, pup,” and oh God Louis feels so good. Satisfied. With his tummy full with his pups and his hole full with his Harry.

Before Louis knows it’s happened he’s coming, pitiful little streaks as pleasure gentles, not nearly as good as the first three. But so relieving. Enough. “Always come so good for me,” Harry’s panting, cock throbbing inside of him, swelling.

Louis moans eagerly, clenching around him, “Yes. Only for my Alpha.” And the Alpha drives into him, fucking him so hard Louis’s rucked up the mattress, on his elbows, sobbing because it’s too much, hurts so good, “Haz, please.”

As deep as possible the Alpha freezes, knot expanding as the boy comes dry, washed with heat. With a violent jerk come spills from Harry’s cock, filling him up.

Through ragged breaths the Harry gingerly carries him upright so he’s seated in his lap, the heat of his cock brushing some unknown part in his body that causes him to moan breathily. “So good, Haz. So good,” Louis slurs sleepily as one of the Alpha’s hand flattens on his wet rounded belly, the one finding his left hand, where his diamond is proud and glittering in the dim light.

“When you think of me,” Harry whispers jaggedly into his ear. “What do you think ‘bout?”

“Think ‘bout seventeen,” Louis mumbles, lashes fluttering shut with sated sleep approaching. “Think about how you wanted to get my name tattooed on your arm and yours was tattooed on my heart. Think ‘bout how I wanted so bad to be yours, and you wanted to be mine, but we were too stubborn to think ‘bout actually mating. I think ‘bout old records and tired eyes. I think about the stars in the night sky. I think ‘bout…” but he’s stolen by sleep before he can say, I think about all I’ve ever wanted, and all I’ll ever need.

&&

            “Ouch! Ouch!” the Alpha hisses as Louis runs his fingers over the scored letters stretched from shoulder to shoulder. With Harry lying flat on his belly, propped on his elbows, flipping through ‘When You’re Expecting Twins’ Louis’ given the perfect opportunity to admire his territory. Now that the bandages have been removed, the sight is stunning as he’d thought it’d be without all the blood and gaping flesh.

“Oh, shut up!” Louis mumbles, too captivated by the pretty, posh sprawl ‘LOUIS’  “’S already healed, wanker.” Five months along and the Omega is struggling to bend, back aching even now though Louis refuses to acknowledge it. “’S so…lovely. You don’t understand.”

When the Alpha only laughs, Louis runs his fingers over the smoothly scarred skin. “Actually,” Harry murmurs, “I think I have an idea just looking at the bonding mark.”

Nostalgic, the boy’s fingers trace the smooth, glossy scar permanently homed on his throat. “Mmm. Let’s fuck.”

“All for it. But our appointment is at noon.”

“That’s plenty time, Harold,” Louis says, rolling his eyes.

“Is that sarcasm, Tomlinson-Styles?” A flush spreads down his throat at the award, and Louis bites on his bottom lip, toying with the steel band on his mated finger. “I wanna wear my diamond now.”

“I quite like the diamond,” Harry says, holding his large hand out, where he’d just barely gotten the diamond to fit on his pinky finger (because Louis wanted it in safe hands and Harry takes things too literally). “Gimme my bloody diamond, Tomlinson-Styles,” Louis hisses playfully, holding his palm out.

With a sheepish grin, “I don’t know that I can. It’s kind of stuck.”

“Kind of?” Louis arches one brow.

“Okay. It’s stuck. I’ve been trying to get the bloody thing off for three days.” It’s like he’s confessing to an unforgivable crime. Louis giggles, “Baby, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Dunno.” And he’s never seen Harry look so adorable, with his curls in his face and his mossy green eyes round.

“C’mon, loser. We’re resorting to butt’ah or soap. One of those will surely work.”

&&

            At exactly noon Louis is waddling, yes waddling, into his appointed room with Harry practically growling at the air, stitched to his side. “Haz, baby, stop. You do this every time! Every time I step foot outside you’re all Alpha-idiot. It’s rather rude.”

As the nurse steps in first, Harry halts, steps in with Louis behind him, examines the room, then carries him forward (once the coast is clear–they’re in a private facility, private). Once he’s shut the door firmly behind them Harry let’s out an entirely too long breath, but mercifully relaxes to smile that soft ‘I just love you’ smile and help him up onto the hospital bed. “Here we are,” Louis says, already out of breath as Harry takes his hand, standing beside him.

Nurse Meredith is kind enough, finishes the mandatory checkup (by now it’s no surprise to find he’s gained so much more weight) to claim the doctor will be with them shortly and leave.

Alone, Louis fiddles with the diamond on his left finger, admiring how its rays catch in the light. “’S going to be fine, paradise,” Harry murmurs softly, though when Louis meets his gaze there’s a nearly unrecognizable glaze of dread. Touched by how hard he’s trying to be his support, Louis squeezes his hand, “Good news.”

“Good news.”

&&

            “Fraternal twins!” Louis squeals once they’ve stepped out of the private care. “Oh my God, Haz, we’re having both!” A burst of joy erupts in his chest, stealing his breath and claiming his heart.

Surprising him, the Alpha takes him by the hips and boosts him into the air (like he’s not twelve stone) as Louis cups his face, laughing because he’s won everything. And Harry’s smiling so wide his dimples are on full display, and he’s being twirled, locking his legs around Harry’s middle and burying his face in his throat. “Oh my God,” an awed breath as Harry stills.

“You’re okay,” his barely-audible voice breaks as his arms tighten, “You’re okay. They’re okay. We’re okay.”

As the Omega trembles tears ooze past his lashes. “Yeah. We’re okay, baby.”

And oh God for once they are.

&&

            Delighted, Louis giggles, following his movements the best he can with how his coordination’s gone to hell (it’s hard when you’re barely able to see your feet). Swaying them slowly Harry’s singing along to his song, “I’ve been gone…gone too long…I’m coming home, don’t give a damn what these keys are for, I’m gonna knock down that front door and ‘m gonna find out what this house is made of…been too many nights since its felt us make love–,”

“You tryin’ to say somethin’, sweet talker?” Louis sighs, dreamy and faraway.

“Love you baby like a wrecking ball,” Harry laughs throatily, taking his hand and slowly parting them so Louis’s twirling rather awkwardly, then being reeled back in so his head rests on his shoulder as they sway again, “You, look at you…damn you really turn me on…but if I can make it just one more day this whole house is gonna be shakin’”

Smiling so wide his cheeks ache Louis shuts his eyes to listen to his deeper tenor over the actual artists, “I hope these bricks and boards can take it, but I won’t be surprised if the whole damn place just falls, wanna rock you baby like a wrecking ball.”

“So smooth,” Louis says breathily. “This is why my names on your back. You turn even the sassiest Omegas into putty in your hands. Seductive cunt.”

“Back you up against the wall,” his voice is husky, mouth to the curve of his ear, “Love you baby, take it right there, baby. Rock you, paradise…like a wrecking ball.” As the finish plays on seconds more the Omega tangles their fingers.

When it’s silent aside from his slightly labored breaths (he’s carrying three okay) Louis asks curiously, “So Balmy Seas or Breath of Spring?”

“Breath of Spring,” Harry decides gently.

Beaming, the Omega tells him, “I was goin’ with that anyway. We should start soon.”

“No. I’ve hired professionals. You don’t need to inhale those fumes. You’re already on bedrest. Speaking of which why aren’t you in bed?” There’s definite disapproval in his voice.

“I’m just too restless,” Louis says in his whiniest voice. “I’m bored just layin’ there in bed! And then you’re either at studies or you’re at therapy.” Louis hates that he’s brought it up.

Harry stiffens. “Weren’t one of the boy’s supposed to be here today?”

“Ni visited. We argued most the time. He’s too bubbly. And I’m too cranky,” Louis mumbles petulantly.

“Paradise,” Harry starts, but Louis’s easily triggered temper flares.

“Don’t paradise me,” the Omega hisses, ripping away from him (instantly regretting it because now he’s cold, which great), “I want my Alpha, and everyone else can piss off. I’m pregnant. I want you. And you’re not here most the day.”

Circling his hand on the swollen curve of his belly Louis meets his jade stare resolutely. Running his hand through his mop of curls Harry mutters, “I don’t know what you want me to do, Lou. You’re running hot and cold these days. I’m trying? Isn’t that enough anymore? I’m trying to be considerate, but it’s real hard when I already have so much on my shoulders.”

“You have so much on your shoulders?” Louis asks sharply. “You try being this fucking pregnant and fearing for your life and out of control of your emotions and alone half the time because your Alpha isn’t there.” As confidently as possible with unwarranted tears spreading in his eyes the Omega storms (sort of) down the hall and into their bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Regret swaps him, because that’s not fair. He’s being selfish. So selfish. Because he’s moody and Harry’s just. Living life while Louis is trapped at home doing nothing and more nothing.

And when Louis finally has his Alpha for himself, it’s a few hours because he’s always so exhausted and ends up falling asleep once his huge belly is full. And wakes up alone throughout the night because Harry won’t even sleep in the same bed.

Crying viciously Louis curls up in bed, muffling the sounds with his fists. What the Omega does not need is to be alone one more second. Can’t stand it. Yet here he is…alone and miserable.

A knock interrupts his crying fit. “Lou…can I come in?” the Alpha asks, too apologetic, too understanding.  No.

“Y-Y-Yes,” the Omega weeps openly, quivering with the force.

“Hey,” Harry crawls into bed on his side to face him, stroking his baby belly. “Don’t cry, paradise.” Those words intensify the hollow in his chest as Louis bawls.

A hand takes his, tangled and there to bring him back. “Talk to me.”

“I t-t-thought it was gone,” Louis says around raggedly breaths.

And oh God Louis despises that look–dark brows furrowed, jade stare so upset and broken, mouth in a frown. “Thought what was gone, love?”

“T-T-This loneliness! A-A-All the time! When y-y-you’re not here I’m s-s-so hollow inside! The pups only make it b-b-bett’ah a little because y-y-you have my heart!” Spilling his soul Louis feels so vulnerable, as in love as ever.

“Oh, love,” the Alpha breathes sadly, crushing him. “I knew somethin’ was wrong. You’ve been too quiet.”

Louis nods a bit.

“I’ll fix it, paradise. I promise. I’ll request the courses online. And I’ll…You can come. You can come to therapy,” but the tremble to his voice says Louis can’t come. And the boy knows this, doesn’t want to become acquainted with his beautiful Alpha’s horrors.

“N-N-No,” the Omega sniffles, hyperventilating even as Harry soothes circles into his tummy. “N-N-No, you deserve that time away. You d-d-deserve to have freedom. Time a-a-away from this.”

A dark look clouds his features. “Louis, I don’t want time away from this. I want this all the time. Even on the bad days. Never think otherwise. I don’t like leaving you even for a few hours. It’s hell. But I’m doing this for you, paradise. For us. For our litter. For our future.”

A riptide of love crashes into his lungs as Louis dry heaves. “I know! I know that! I just…I miss you so much, Haz! And I’m scared. I’m scared that you’re goin’ to forget ‘bout us. And I’ll be lonely forever. B-B-Because it’s only you that fills every hollow in my body, nothing, nobody else. Not even o-our pups.”

Shuffling blessedly close the Alpha braces on his elbow and begins to kiss his heated, damp cheeks. “I want to be with you as much as I can, paradise. I’m going to take them online. And then I’ll only have to leave a few hours in the evening. Does that sound better, my love? I’m never going to forget this. How could I? You’re my paradise. My soul is your soul. And my heart belongs to you. This litter? Ours. I have everything I need right here. I’m goin’ to fill all those hollows so you’re never lonely again. Is it selfish of me to be glad there’s something that’s exclusively for me?”

Love pours over him. Love builds him up again.  “N-N-No,” Louis snivels, reassuring him. “Y-Y-You’re my everything. These pups are part of you. My all. I’m s-s-sorry I’m bein’ selfish, I j-j-just need you here.”

“’S okay, ‘cause I want to be here. I need to be here. I don’t want to lose you,” the note of dread in his voice pierces his eardrums as Louis whispers, “No. Y-You won’t ever lose me. No m-matter what I believe in you. Always have, always will.”

Harry’s mouth brushes his, achingly gentle and leaving warm tingles along his lips. “You won’t ever lose me.” The conviction in his claim leaves no room to think otherwise. So relieved Louis kisses him softly again, expressing every facet of his love. “So,” Harry breathes, hand sneaking underneath his shirt to caress his belly, spreading goose bumps on his skin. “How ‘bout Kristoff and Kaylee?”

“How a-a-about no,” Louis giggles stuffily.

“I didn’t think so.”

And they are forever in unison, straying only to return home. Not to this house. To each other. 

&&

            “I can’t sleep,” the Alpha says blankly, scrubbing viciously at his strained eyes. “I have three in bed with me now. It’s not just…He’s so very pregnant and I just…can’t bear the thought of harming them.”

Typing furiously Veihl nods. “And you’re sure you won’t accept sleep inducing mediation?”

“Yes. I don’t want to be sleeping like the dead. What if he needs me? What if I don’t wake up–?” At the escalating anxiety the therapist murmurs, “Harry, I understand. There are other means to help. Have you spoken to Louis about this?”

“You’re my therapist,” his temper flares. “You’re meant to help. Not my five months pregnant bedridden Omega.”

Nonplussed, “We are all meant to help you, Harry.” Harry wants to believe this, but. “I’ll tell you what. I have some homework for you.”

Instinctively he tenses, but once she regards him steadily he motions for her to continue. “First I would like you to voice your concerns to Louis. Do not think into this. Simply explain to him what it is that holds you from him at night. Then, a few days afterwards I’d like you to put yourself in the mindset of your Alpha. Once that instinctual light is shed I would like you to spend every night for a week in another room. Sleep. Record your nights.

“What you dream of, how you wake up, and how you feel, and how much sleep you manage. During this week I would like you to religiously spend time with Louis in an intimate environment. Stay close. Hold him until one of you falls asleep. Don’t document this. Just familiarize your Alpha with the feel of protecting even in sleep. Condition him, so to say. The next week I want you in bed with Louis every night and sleeping. Remember that protective conditioning, keep it in mind before you fall asleep. Don’t fight sleep either. Let it come to you. Document it much the same. I will see you in exactly a week.” 

Distress screams in his stomach. “What if I hurt him?”

“Mr. Styles this is what I’ve gathered. I believe your mate to be a strong young man. He has diffused those run-in’s before and he will continue to do it. That is not to say you mustn’t be cautious. But now that he’s carrying life there is more reason to make sure he does what he has to. It’s an Omega’s paternal instinct. I would ask that there be meditator, something that emotionally strikes you, to help him along. Violence is a slim to none at this point. You’ve told me the nightmares are not quite so reoccurring since we’ve begun to touch on your past. Is that correct?” They’re still there.

Harry nods, but, “I’m just…scared. I need him to be okay. I need him…”

“And he needs you, my lord. Protect your young mate and pups. Open up to your Alpha. Your Alpha will see you through this.” Wise words. The words Harry’s needed to hear. Now it’s time to listen.

&&

When the Alpha makes his way into the house it’s quiet though there’s a lilting melody floating from above. “Paradise, babe, why’s it so quiet?” he calls.

There’s an entirely horrified groan, then pounding footsteps before Louis appears, ambling down the stairway. In his rush the Omega trips up, cursing though Harry acts on impulsive, bolting up the stairs to catch him around the waist. “What the hell, Lou?”

Breathily Louis giggles. “I was going to yell at you. You woke them up! They’ve been kicking like hell all day. I couldn’t sleep. And I finally got some peace and quiet and you bloody you. They hear your voice and they’re wide awake. It’s bloody annoying.”

Pride wells up in his chest though Harry teases, “I think you’re exaggerating how much they’re kicking. It’s only twenty three weeks.”

“Holt said between twenty one to twenty four weeks they’d start kicking. They’re strong pups. Of course they’re excelling so soon,” Louis says smugly.

“Sure. C’mon. Back to bed,” the Alpha starts but the Omega shakes his head, grounded.  “No. I’m hungry. I think I want a pickle.”

“I can get a pickle for you, paradise.”

“Nope. I want to stretch my legs. I’ll get it,” Louis decides, stubborn as ever.

Sighing, Harry helps him down the steps slowly, with immense care though Louis complains until they’re on ground level and the Omega can escape him, waddling adorably towards the kitchen. And he’s so damned beautiful. It’s torment. Being unable to have him. Because the boy was ordered bedrest three weeks ago due to spotting. Christ, Harry needs him to be careful, but he refuses to stay in bed every waking moment. Some days he wants to handcuff him to the bedframe. Others he just wants to spank him. Rarely the Alpha just wants him, to pay him attention and spoil him and just cuddle. Today is the rarely.

In the kitchen Louis leans on the counter, chewing slowly on an apple, then regarding him with amusement. Once he’s swallowed, “I was beginning to worry you’d gotten lost.”

Grinning wolfishly Harry sides him, leaning down to kiss him chastely. “What happened to wanting a pickle?”

Louis shrugs. “I changed my mind. I really just want ice cream…but if I must be strictly healthy.”

“Holt said cheat days were acceptable in moderations,” Harry reminds him gently. “And considering you’re out of bed right now, why would strict instructions matter?”

Beaming brilliantly, the boy bargains, “I’ll go up to bed and stay there if you go pick up ice cream. You know the sort.”

Going to the freezer, the Alpha rummages through the edibles to where he’d hidden the ice-cream. With a cheeky grin Harry turns to face him, “Ta-Da!”

Narrowing his tempest eyes Louis hisses, “You hid ice cream from me?”

“I did what I had to,” Harry murmurs firmly, holding his gaze.

There’s a beat where it’s just his stare boring into Louis’ beautifully irritated one. But as he stares the colour lightens with Louis’ defeat, melting the ice into warm pools. “Okay. I won’t be touchy. Long as I get you in bed with ice cream.”

“Your wish is my command.”

When Louis smiles, soft and fond, it’s so easy to smile back.

&&

            When the Alpha pulls up to the designated building all he can think about is getting gone again. In the seven time he’s checked his clock barely any time has passed. Ten minutes.

Ten minutes of having to make himself stay.

God, he wants a line. His heart is running laps in his ribs and his palms feel like dripping washcloths and his itchy skin is driving him insane. Just when he’d thought he was far enough from the precipice of madness. By now he’s realized he’ll always return to the edge. By now he’s realized he’ll never tumble down into the abyss.

In attempts to get out of his body, Harry looks at the lot. Twenty cars are in it, with no pattern in the makes or models. There are trucks and Toyotas and a Saac convertible and a pink VW bug and three minivans. At the sight his chest seizes up–he will not be a football dad. Nope. He’s sticking to his Range Rover. All else be damned.

Shoving his shaky hands in his pockets Harry walks over the grass to the sidewalk that runs around the building. When he reaches the asphalt stretch that makes up the drive and the lot, he takes it over to the double doors under the aluminum-sided porte cochère.

Inside, the place smells like coconut. Maybe from the floor wax on the linoleum (which reminds him he needs to get the wood in the house…) Just as his thought are seriously taking off, another male steps out of a doorway.

“You’re Harry, yeah?” the Beta asks. All kind brown eyes, and a tweedy jacket that looks too heavy for only July.

“Ah, yeah. Yeah that’s me.”

“Well, if you’re looking for the meeting, it’s down in the basement.” His smile is so natural and easy, Harry nearly returns it, but remembers where he’s headed.

“I’m going there now if you want to come with me. If you want to wait a bit, that’s cool, too.”

Harry looks down at the male’s hands. Fiddling with the buttons of his jacket. “I’m nervous,” the bloke explains. “Hands are sweaty as hell.”

Harry smiles a bit. “You know…I think maybe I’ll come with.”

“Good. I’m William.”

“My Omega’s middle name,” Harry thinks out loud.

“Yeah. You’re mated to Louis Tomlinson…It was all over the media.”

“Louis Tomlinson-Styles.” By now his palms are also sweaty in his pockets.

The basement has cement-block walls that are whitewashed in cream; a floor carpeted in low-napped dark brown; and a lot of fluorescent lights in the low ceiling. Most of the thirty or so chairs that are arranged in a circle have someone parked in them, and when William heads over to a vacancy at the center, Harry nods a see-you-later and takes one as close to the door as possible.

“It’s 21 o’clock,” a female with long blond hair says. Getting to her feet, she reads off a piece of paper: “Everything that’s said here, remains here. When someone is talking, there is no side conversation or cross talk…” And the rest fades as he’s too busy checking out who’s here. No one else is twitchy like him, and they’re mostly Alphas. Each one of them. Age range early twenties to late forties, maybe because the time of the day is convenient for those who work or go to school.

Staring at the faces, he tries to figure out what each one has done to end up here, in this coconut-smelling, stark basement with their arses planted on black metal.

He doesn’t belong here. These are not his people, and not just because none of them are of Council.

But he stays anyway, because this is it, this is better, and he wonders whether that could be true for some of them as well.

“This is speaker group,” the female says, “and starting tonight William is going to talk.”

William stands, and his hands are still working the remnants of his buttons. “Hi, my name is William.” A pattering of hellos bound around the room. “And I’m a drug addict. I…I, ah, I used cocaine for about a decade and lost just about everything. I’m from Detroit, I’ve been to jail twice. I’ve had to declare bankruptcy. I lost my house. My mate…she, ah, she left me, and moved out of state with my daughter. I’m not allowed contact. Right after that, I lost my job as an astronomy professor because I just was going from bender to bender.

“I’ve been clean since, yeah, last July. But…I still think about using. I g-got through rehab and I have a new job. Started three weeks ago. I’m teaching in prison, actually. The prison I was an inmate in. Math, it’s math.” William clears his throat. “Yeah…so, ah, one year ago tonight…one year ago tonight I was in an alley downtown. I was making a buy from a dealer and we got caught. Not by the cops. By the guy whose territory we were in. I got shot in the side and the thigh. I…”

Again William clears his throat. “As I lay there bleeding, I felt my arms get moved around. The shooter took my coat and my wallet and my watch, then he pistol-whipped me in the head. I really…I really shouldn’t be here right now.” There are a lot of murmurs. “I started coming to meetings like this because I had nowhere else to go. Now I choose to come here because I want to be where I am tonight more than I want the high. Sometimes, sometimes that’s only by a slim margin, so I don’t look into the future any further than next Tuesday at twenty one o’clock. When I come here again. So, yeah, that’s where I’ve been and where I am.”

William sits back down as understanding wells in his heart. And realization strengthens his resolve. Someone else stands, “Hi, my name is Ella…”

And that’s it. Person after person. Until it’s come to him. Standing, with his chest almost heaving, Harry starts slowly, “Hi, my name is Harry…” More hellos. “And I-I’m a drug addict. I…I used cocaine for about six years. I…I was willingly Institutionalized by Council for nine. Which would be sixteen years with five months breaks in between every two years. Um, it…wasn’t the most…It was bad. Very bad. I was…I was stabbed in the side once. And jumped too many times. I…Attempted rapes. Attempted murder. You name it. I struggle with my past every single day. Back then I thought…” Deep breath, “I thought I could escape the trauma through the high. I didn’t think it was a problem for a long time.

“Until I began to hurt the person I loved more than…more than anything, really, in every way possible. I lost my family. I lost my friends. I lost my title as heir.  And I lost my mate. For a while. I was in ruins. Mentally, emotionally, physically…I…I…I realized it was time…to be who I wanted to be. And that was not a drug addict with nothing ahead of him. S-So I went through a lot of withdrawals, a lot of loss, and a lot of better. I…I lost my high. And I still think about using, still have the desire and I still screw up a lot. But I haven’t used in a year. I have my family. I have my friends. I have my title. And most of all I have my mate whose pregnant and waiting for me at home. I have my future. I’m almost…better, where I want to be. But I will never be perfect. And I’m okay with that.”

Jerkily Harry sits, eyes downcast as applauds bound on the walls of his skull. It’s twenty three thirty four, according to his watch, when the blonde-haired female stands. “And now for the Prayer.”

Harry rises to his feet with the rest of them and is shocked when someone reaches for his hand. His palm isn’t wet anymore, though.

He doesn’t know whether he’s going to make it long-haul. The monster has been with him a lot of years and knows him like a brother. The one thing he does know is that he needs Louis. Not the cocaine.

With the others the Alpha leaves, and as the night air hits him, he nearly doubles over from the want to snort up.

As everyone else scatters to their cars and engines starts and headlights come on, Harry walks a block over to the abandoned park he’d found months ago. Sitting on one of the rusted swings with his hands on his knees and his boots planted on the patch of raw earth Harry thinks of Louis. Thinks of his lovely paradise who’s probably sitting up waiting for him because “Goodnight’s are important, Harry.”

A while passes. For a second he thinks he’s being watched–although maybe paranoia is an offshoot to recovery, who the hell knows.

Shrugging, the Alpha returns to his car, and takes his route to better. To paradise.

&&

Once the last group meet finishes Harry takes his place on his swing. A minute smile flickers as an easy breath leaves him.

It’s early–the sunlight just barely touching the Earth. Before this entire mess he’d loved early mornings. Loved to watch the Earth transform, loved to watch light replace dark. It’d given him hope. Harry’s finding it still does. Enjoying this alone seems wrong. So much so that the Alpha returns home and is shockingly welcomed by the aroma of breakfast, and yelping expletives, “Fuck! Damn it! I hate cooking! This is why I do not cook! I am not a houseOmega!”

Quietly setting his keys down, and toeing out of his boots Harry goes down the hall to lean in the doorway. Amused, he watches him suck on his index finger, a bit irritated with his body’s response, his cock fattening because fuck his mouth… In the soft morning light from the window over the sink his glow is that much more alluring, light hair ruffled. And the round of his belly is so damned sublime, obvious as even Harry’s shirt’s become tight, stretched. Affection warms his blood.

Noticing him Louis smiles, “Morning, baby! You’re early! Brill! You cook! Because I really need to pee, but I didn’t want to leave the stove because obviously I don’t want the house to–,” Crossing the distance Harry snakes an arm around his waist and kisses him. Gasping, the boy gives him the opportunity to taste his mouth, sweet like, “You had honeyed tea?” he breathes into his mouth. “Thought you were above that?”

“I am,” Louis mumbles, “But ‘m also pregnant. And the closest to sugar was honey. So shut up, Styles.”

Smiling, “Tomlinson-Styles to you, paradise.” Conversation doesn’t last as Harry’s desperate to be inside of him some way, retracing the contours of his sweet month, wanting to–, “Haz! Stop! It’s so impossible to pee when you’re hard! And my bladder might explode if–,”

Laughing Harry slaps him arse playfully, then runs the tap as Louis hisses, “I hate you!” but waddles as fast as possible to the loo as Harry doubles over with his laughter. “Don’t piss yourself, love!”

“I should piss on you, dickwad!” The door slams shut behind him.

“Maybe I’d like that!” Harry calls around laughter, opening the stove to check on the biscuits (they’re very sad looking, but he won’t say so).

Moments pass until Louis reenters the kitchen, drying his hands with a hand towel. “You’re a fuckin’ perv.”

“I like to watch you squirm,” he says, grabbing the over mittens to take the biscuits out. As the gravy heats Harry begins to place the biscuits on a dish but Louis snatches one. “Hey! Out of my kitchen!”

Louis giggles, munching. “Way ahead of you, Chief.  I need to lay down! Bed in breakfast! Meet you there!”

Dusting his hands the boy blows him a kiss, which Harry grins at, catching and pressing his hand to his chest as Louis rolls his eyes and disappears.

And when he crawls into bed with the food laid out the Alpha plays classical music (because that’s what pups are supposed to enjoy) and strokes his belly, asking softly, “Darcy and Damian?”

“I’ll think ‘bout it.”

Which means no. “I didn’t think so.”

Stroking his hair, Louis smiles softly, “Effie and Easton?”

“I’ll think about it.”

&&

            Sleepy for no reason other than he’s pregnant and tires easy these days, Louis yawns, then realizes with an abrupt pitch of pleasure, “You’re sleepin’ with me tonight!”

As he’s curled up in Harry’s side on the sofa, fiddling with the band on his left hand, Louis absorbs his shudder. “Yeah. Doctor’s orders. And unlike some I follow orders.”

Humiliated heat spreads high on his cheeks. “’S not easy, is it?” the boy whispers, lashes damp with tears.

“No,” Harry sighs, lacing their hands. “No, it’s not. I didn’t mean to sound so…you know. Rude.”

Giggling stuffily, the Omega nods, understanding that they’re both extremely touchy these days. Understanding Harry’s concern. As it’s well-placed. Deception is unwise right now, and Louis promises to tell him tomorrow. Not to tell him he’s hiding the bloody liners, but to tell him he’s started bleeding again. Distress screams in his round, pregnant belly. To sooth his precious loves, Louis caresses the curve with his free hand, thinking you’re alright, lovelies. Papa’s going to be especially careful now. I’m sorry I’ve been so inconsiderate.

But Papa’s still so young. Papa has a lot of learning to do. Daddy’s here. And Daddy’s going to help all three of us.

With his entire being Louis believes it. And like his parents Louis is going to teach his pups to stay true to themselves. To follow their hearts, but never leave behind their brains.

Because oh did his heart backfire on him, but in the end…he found the happiness he’d been in pursuit of.  One day they will to. Louis hopes to see the day. Louis hopes to see every day of their lives.

Nothing can fall apart right now. Everything’s been tethered together. Everything may seem a little crazy, but they’re going to be alright.

“Take me to bed, H.” When the Alpha helps him stand his back makes odd noises, but the tension is relieved and Louis sighs happily as Harry regards him with anxious eyes. “’S good,” Louis assures, lids drooping already. Somehow he ends up in the Alpha’s arms, and the Omega is sure Harry’s straining, but he’s also been working out (apparently they’d needed a workout room so the attic’s become just that) so Louis doesn’t fight, too fatigued. The lolling motions of his gait is so comforting he’s struggling to stay awake, knowing Harry’s going to need a little persuasion to actually go through with his therapists orders.

In bed the boy lies on his side, and mumbles quietly, “’Az, c’mon. I need you. I haven’t slept through the night in a while. You make me feel safe. Complete.” The words, baring as they are, relieve some of the stress as they work to get Harry beside him, closer to the door. It’s stiff. Very much so. But slowly Harry relaxes, tucks the blankets around them and worms down the mattress so his face is to Louis’ chest. Louis wonders idly how he manages to breathe, but doesn’t care to ask right now as Harry drapes an arm around his waist. Cuddling him, because Harry’s been the little spoon awhile despite how much bigger the Alpha is, the boy is comfortable like this. It’s right.

Everything is so right. Because Harry’s home. And so are their pups. Home in his belly awhile more as they grow.

A long time passes, and Louis’s spiraling into the most tranquil sleep he’s had since Harry refused to sleep.

“Daddy’s here,” is the faraway whisper he catches. “Daddy’s still here. Pretty babies. I promise papa’s goin’ to be alright.” The secretive words sing to his heart. An armor around his hope, carrying him into sleep.

&&

“Can we cheat?” Louis says in that pouty, ‘it’s my way or no way’ voice. “Please, Hazza. Pleeeeasseee.”

“No, we cannot cheat, Louis,” Harry scolds playfully. “We lose. We lose with dignity.”

“Okay,” the boy agrees too easily, but before the Alpha can say anything he’s making his way back to sitting room where Liam is seated over their chess game. In seconds Louis knocks the entire board over, “Oops.”

“What the hell, Lou?”

“It was my baby belly, sorry,” Louis apologises, not sounding very sorry at all.

Narrowing his eyes Liam mutters, “Whatever.”

“We win!” the Omega exclaims, fist pumping. “We win! We win! We win!”

Unlike Liam, who frowns, Harry is entirely too endeared, watching the boy with his very obvious belly doing his little victory dance. “Sure,” glancing at his watch, “I actually have to go. Have an appointment with Sofia.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Sore loser! Ah, well, good riddance.”

Ruffling his hair Liam exchanges goodbyes, claps him on the shoulder on his way out, and sees himself to the door. When the security announces his departure, Harry grins, waggling his brows. “Victory.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” the Omega waves a dismissive hand, plopping down on the sofa and groaning, “Ugh. If this continues I think my back might break.”

Concern grasps his heart. “Is it too much? Should we see Holt? How much pain are we talking, Louis?”

“Haz,” the Omega assures quietly, “Baby, I’m fine. This is normal. Of course my back is going to hurt with all this weight I’m packing. I just…”

“Just?” Harry prompt, crouching beside him.

“Don’t freak,” Louis warns, and Harry is freaking. A mile a minute his heart pounds, a cold sweat breaking all over. “I just…I’ve been spotting again.” His expression must give away his panic because Louis reaches over to stroke his wilting curls, “Hey. Hey. It’s okay. Starting today I’m taking the bedrest seriously. I should’ve from the start…I just hate being confined. I’m sorry. Please, don’t panic. You’re going to drive me nuts.”

But he just can’t, his instincts are wild, just get them out of him, get them out, get them out. Vision black on the edges the Alpha droops, head in his lap. “Haz, please. Please, calm down.”

“I can’t calm down, Louis!” A shout tears up his throat. “I fucking can’t. I should’ve fucking hand cuffed you to that bed! I knew this was fucking wrong! This was such a fucking mistake! I want them out! I want them out and now! I want to march into that hospital and demand they get them out now!” As soon as the words are out Harry regrets them. Louis is so still, and his breaths are hitching with what must be tears.

“I didn’t mean that,” the Alpha whispers, unable to face him as shame flares hot, “I’m sorry I didn’t–,”

“Get away from us,” Louis breathes, horror casted in his unsteady voice. Needing to escape Harry takes his chance, stands and makes his way out. Through mechanical movements Harry makes dinner, but doesn’t touch the food, leaving the entire servings for Louis and returning upstairs to walk right past their bedroom into the shower. From there he finds himself curled up in the neighboring guest room with the door ajar. Just in case.

Like Viehl instructed Harry ignores the piled up emotion to center on his Alpha. Thinks, this is such a mistake, but delves into the animalistic perception. Clarity.

Drawn to Louis like this Harry bolts out of the room and downstairs where he can hear him. In the doorway there is no sign of him, but Harry knows. Rounding the island the Alpha locates the Omega, on the tile with a bowl of cereal in his lap and steaming tea beside him.

Avoiding his stare Louis shoves a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

Lowering to sit beside him Harry stares at the metal cabinet he’s propped his feet on. Somehow their fingers end up tangled, palms together. “I was hiding from you,” the Omega breathes shyly.

“I know,” Harry breathes back, squeezing his dainty hand.

At the same time the two blurt, “I’m sorry.”

Laughing nervously the Alpha asks, “What are you sorry for?”

“I don’t really know,” Louis giggles softly. “I just felt I needed to say sorry. Maybe for exaggerating earlier? Maybe for expecting you not to be scared or stressed? For underestimating how much you care. You?”

Swallowing thickly, Harry manages, “For what I said…I just…I’m an Alpha idiot. I just really love you, Louis Tomlinson-Styles. I need you to be okay. No matter what. I’d do anything to make sure…And I said shit I didn’t mean. I want them out because I want to meet my Little Love’s. I don’t want to hurt them. I want them to be okay, too.”

Squeezing his hand Louis snivels, “I k-know. I love you. Always. I can’t wait to have them in my arms either. Just a little more time. Almost there. Holt estimates thirty two weeks.”

“I’m scared,” Harry admits. “Nearly twenty nine now. Only four weeks. So early…”

“I am too,” the Omega breathes shakily. “But I know I can do this. We can do this.”

Lit up with hope the Alpha murmurs quietly, “We’re going to win.” And that night Harry prays, I’m almost there. Please, help me to take those last steps. Just help us to win.

If God says nothing, Harry thinks, I was bound to lose anyway.

&&

            “Sup preggers?” Niall asks, plopping down beside him. He pats the tough round of Louis’ belly without seeming to realise, though, seated on Louis’ other side, takes Niall’s hand and places it on his thigh with a dark, don’t-fuck-with-me look.

“Sheesh, H, I didn’t mean no harm to the little buggers,” Niall grumbles as Louis smiles, patting his belly now.

“Don’t touch on my time, Horan,” the Alpha murmurs, rubbing his stretch-mark marred belly.

Gaze trained on the telly Louis murmurs, “It’s all on my time, ladies. I’m stuck with these Styles spawn.”

“Damn right.” Harry is all Alpha pride.

Niall snorts, “Good luck with that one, Tommo.”

Louis and Harry exchange identical smiles and hold hands atop his baby(s) belly.

&&

“I can see now that these pups are going to be the spitting image of Harry,” Jay proclaims, taking another sip of her lemonade. Twitchy, Harry’s gaze does not leave Louis, who’s toddling around in the field with his siblings, attempting to kick the footie.

“Why is that?” Des asks, beside him, equally as tense.

“Your genepool seems particularly strong,” Anne comments idly, watching fondly as Gemma begins to scold Louis for even trying to play. Louis appears to be sassing her, but the words don’t carry.

“I think they’ll look just like Louis,” Dan disagrees happily.

“Just a feeling,” Louis’ mum murmurs. “Reckon Harry disagrees.”

“I have no clue,” the Alpha says quietly, relieved to see Gemma helping Louis towards where they’ve gathered on the deck. Across on their play mat the toddlers are fumbling with foam letter blocks, Fliss watching over them protectively. Longing throbs in his chest. “I just want them to resemble me a bit.”

“Hopefully not that nose!” Gemma says, helping an entirely petulant Paradise into the shade.

As the carrying boy squirms away Harry stands, helping him into his vacant seat as Louis crosses his arms.

“You’re lucky I even let you out of the house,” the Alpha warns coolly, speaking only to him. A pretty blush dusts his cheeks. “Holt gave me the okay. What more do you want?”

Pinning him with a disapproving glower, Harry whispers, so only he hears, “Question me again and I’m going to punish you. When those pups are born and you’re able to handle it, I’m going to spank the hell out of you.”

Swallowing audibly, Louis humphs, but turns to Des, “I also hope they don’t have his nose.”

Annoyed, Harry mutters, “I’m going for a walk.”

This time Louis doesn’t stop him. Des does. “Harry, I think I’ll join you. A little fresh air never hurt.”

With an uncaring shrug Harry waits on him. Silently, the down start down the slope towards the concrete trail. “It’s bloody difficult. Pregnancy.”

Unable to help the reaction, the Alpha snorts. “What’s bloody difficult is Louis.”

“Well he’s carrying a lot. Not just physically,” his father reminds softly.

“I’m trying to mope, father.”

“I know. But it’s my duty to remind you.”

Continuing to stalk through the autumn leaves Harry blurts, staring blankly, “I’m scared, dad. I don’t know how to be daddy. I’m just learning how to be Harry.”

“I don’t think any of us do, bud,” Des says wistfully. “I know I didn’t. I was older when I had my pups and I still had no clue. You can read all the books–,”

“You know about that?” Harry interrupts sharply, looking at him in astonishment.

“Louis told Jay. Jay told Anne. Anne told me. You know how it goes,” Des says, amusement colouring his tone as he waves a dismissive hand. “That’s beside the point. You can read all the books you want, but damn if they help when you’re actually a parent. I’m lucky to have had your mother, really. Omegas are naturally more nurturing. They’re miracles. They always know what to do when the time comes.” The weight eases on his chest. “That’s not to say you’re meant to let Louis do all the work.” At his glower Des clears his throat, “You’re both going to learn and grow together. As you always have. The main concern is seeing him safely through it.”

“Dad,” Harry whispers shakily. “What if–,”

“No what if’s, Harry,” Des says with those damned sage eyes. “Louis is strong. He’s been through so much. And only come out stronger. Have faith in him.”

“I do. I do…I’m just…so scared. I don’t know what I’ll do if–,”

“Son,” his father cuts in, “I know. This is scary. You have every right to be afraid. But you’re Louis’ solider. You were for so long. A solider for your Council. Now you’re a solider for your Louis. You’ve come so far…There is nothing, no battle, no war, you can’t beat.”

Emotion sprouts in his lungs as Des takes his hand, meeting his blurry stare. “Louis is no battle, no war. Nor are those pups. Your fear is. The worst is over, Harry.” Squeezing his clenched up hand, the older Alpha whispers, “You deserve happiness. You deserve Louis and those pups. There is balance, son. You’ve lost so much. This is your chance to find better then what’s been taken from you. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re going to take what Fate’s offering.”

Madly, with the traitorous tears aching to be shed, Harry nods, unable to speak with the thick emotion lining his throat. “For all your sacrifice there is nothing that amounts to what you’ve accomplished in these past two years. You came home, son. You, Harry. You brought yourself home. You took the measures, the help, the path.”

A missing piece falls into place. “It’s you, isn’t it. You’ve come to the community center. You’ve watched me sit on that swing afterward.”

Des’ voice grows hoarse. “I’m so damned proud of you.” And…it’s what he’s needed to take the last steps. To be better. There is no earthquake in his soul, no volcanic eruption in his mind, no firestorm in his heart. Just…blessed silence. 

A whimsical voice speaks up, “Me, too.”

Both look in that direction as Louis falls into place beside him.

What a perfect moment this is, Harry thinks. Such a perfect moment with his father before him and his pregnant mate beside him and the monster nowhere in sight.

Such a perfect moment that he knows he’s going to remember for the rest of his days as clearly and as poignantly as he lives now.

Harry kisses his Paradise’s forehead, lingering against him, giving thanks. Then he smiles at Des.

&&

“Remember what Holt said,” Louis says firmly.

“Yes, paradise. When the time comes I mustn’t panic. I have to remain calm and steady and take you to him immediately,” Harry reiterates for the umpteenth time.

“Remember that.”

“I will.”

And oh God he does.

Its thirty three weeks, August 16^th that Louis’ water breaks. Louis’ sobbing isn’t what wakes him, it’s the boy’s insistent shaking. Bolting upright the Alpha blinks rapidly, “’S it time?”

“No shit!” Louis hisses, hugging his belly as tears shake down his flushed face. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh fucking Jesus, it hurts.”

Frantic, though somehow calling on a calm he doesn’t feel, Harry dresses and carries him, weight and all, to the car. Once he’s there the Alpha rounds, pausing to where Jay’s standing in the doorway, calling, “Now?” (Both family’s decided it’d be best to stay with them until Louis’ labor as they live so far away).

“Now,” is all he manages before the female Omega is rushing back into the house and he’s rushing into the car.

Around the boy’s moans and pants he does one hundred in a fifty five zone until he’s screeching to a halt before the private emergency facility and calling hoarsely, the first words that come to mind, “Holt! Where the fuck are you?”

It’s not Holt that gets to them but a frantic huddle of nurses who help an absolutely furious Louis into a wheelchair, “God damn it! I don’t need a bloody wheelchair! I’m fucking going to give birth not handicap! Harry! Tell them to let me walk!” But it’s so obvious by the ashen tint his face has taken on, and the floodgate that’s been wrecked by tears in his eyes, that he’s going to have to swallow his pride. “Paradise, we don’t have time to argue. Just let them handle this.”

Vulnerable, the terror that lurks in the blues of his eyes mirrors the terror that’s clawing at his heart. “Okay. Okay, but don’t leave me, okay?”

Clutching his damp palm Harry nods, “I promise. I promise.” Given the okay the nurses take them to their designated place and by this time Louis’ doubled over his belly. “Breathe, just breathe,” they tell him, but Louis is having none of it, “Shut up and let me!”

Obviously understanding his reactions, steady and calm, two nurses instruct Harry to help him into the bed, which he does, holding most of the weight, then carefully hitching him. “Okay. Good. Now Louis we’re going to have to undress you. Is that alright, love?”

“Just get them out already,” Louis hisses around clenched teeth and Harry thinks make sure he’s okay.

And the scene blurs before his eyes, watching the procedure fall into place. Panicking at the sight of the needle, “Wait! Wait, what…what is that?” until Louis’s mumbling, “’Az, we agreed to this, memb’ah? Epidural anesthesia. C’mon. It’s going to help me.” And so he does, wincing as Louis does and the needle pierces and sinks into his lower back. At that moment Jay arrives (they’d all agreed she join because she is Louis’ mum and Louis might need the support Harry just is incapable of providing in this moment), in scrubs much like the gown Louis’ been put into. A nurse hands him the outfit that he takes, though Louis is begging, “No! ‘Az, don’t leave me! Please don’t leave me! I’m scared. I need you.”

“Louis,” Jay says in the calmest tone he’s heard. “Louis, love, listen to me. Harry’s just going to change. It’s going to take three minutes tops, baby. I’m going to be right here.”

Holding his glazed stare Harry whispers, “I’m coming right back, paradise. I’m coming right back. Two minutes. Can you handle that? They’re going to hook you to those scary machines but it’s going to help and I’m going to come right back home to you, okay?”

Whimpering Louis nods, and the Alpha squeezes his hand, drenched with panic every second he’s away from him. It’s only a minute before he’s returned to an entirely different layout. Louis’s lying on his back with machinery attached to him and curtains bracketing his belly. Jay is cooing, petting him, as Harry takes his limp hand, squeezing so Louis turns in seconds to face him.

“Baby,” Louis whispers hoarsely, “I’m scared, baby.” In over his head Harry thinks me too.

Brushing any of his tears, Harry murmurs, “Don’t be scared. We’re here. Everyone is going to take care of you. You’re going to be okay.” Please, God, let him be okay.

Nodding slowly, the boy mumbles, “Our pups, Harry. Our Little Love’s. They’re finally goin’ to be here.”

“Yeah, paradise,” the Alpha croaks. “And you’re going to be here too.”

Smiling softly, “Gonna win. Thas’ what I’m goin’ to do. And you. You too. You’ll always win from now on. Or damn McDonalds. Wish I had some McDonald’s right about now. Am I allowed to eat?”

“No, love,” Jay says, amusement colouring her tone. “Not right now.”

“Damn it,” and he’s pouting. Over McDonalds.

“I’ll buy you all the McDonalds you want as soon as I can,” Harry promises, stroking his knuckles with his thumb.

“Of course,” Louis breathes with such affection, “Because you take care of me. You love me.”

“I love you,” Harry agrees, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “More than the world. You’re my permanent paradise. So you have to stay, right?”

“Right,” the Omega murmurs. As he opens his mouth to say more Holt enters, “Alright, Mr. Tomlinson-Styles, Louis, we are ready to welcome these pups into the world. Are you?”

“Hell yeah!” Louis cries around laughter, pumping his fist.

Smiling fondly, Holt nods, “Alright, Louis. Stay with us. Are you ready to stay with us?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Are you ready to meet your pups? To deliver them into the world?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Can we get on with this, Holt? Whenever you’re done cheerleading? No worries though, Louis’ just not in labor.”

“A happy Omega is a happy home, Mr. Tomlinson-Styles,” the good Doctor comments slyly, smiling knowingly at Louis. 

“Hell yeah!”

“Paradise you’re having entirely too much fun right now,” Harry says, charmed as Louis sighs, closing his eyes and clutching his hand as Holt washes his own and adds gloves. Instructions are thrown throughout the room from the older doctor, medical equipment set in place. Nurses, and who he assumes to be the second doctor set to aid, take their place around Louis’s swollen belly. “Alright. Let’s begin.”

Focusing on Louis, the Alpha can’t bear to watch them surgically proceed. The sounds are jarring enough, but Louis’ speaking around them. Jay chats like this isn’t happening, and Harry is so grateful to her quelling presence, as she seems to be doing exactly what he’d hoped: easing his Paradise.

Dread gnaws at his chest even as Louis rambles on and on. Just the sound of his voice eases him. Tells him their path is without struggle. So far. “Oh my God!” Louis gasps, beaming so brilliantly his vision blurs with tears. “Harry! Fuck! We never agreed on names!”

And that is what they talk about even as Louis’ breathing becomes labored and his features pale. “Definitely not Darcy and Damian.”

“I think not,” Jay murmurs, blue eyes glinting with worry as she glances at the heart monitor. An inescapable panic flares hot in his chest. Tears sear his eyes as Louis jokes weakly, “This isn’t pleasant.”

“Never is, baby,” Jay whispers. “C’mon, love. Just a little longer.” It sounds like she’s pleading with him.

“Love Easton,” Louis pants, face sheen with sweat. “How ‘bout Easton, baby?” Pained cerulean eyes regard him. “Yeah, pup. That’s…perfect,” Harry manages, close to hyperventilating because something is screaming wrong. 

“You’ll take care of them, yeah?” Louis smiles, but his smile changes as he thinks about it, and a haunted expression crosses his face, a look that chills the Alpha to the bone. “Please, Haz. Promise me. Promise me you’ll love them the same.” But he just can’t. Because he will never love Louis the same as their Little Loves. Refuses to think he will have to.

“First one,” despite it all Holt’s voice is steady. Risking a glance over Harry manages to see the tiniest creature being handed to a nurse.

Panic incapacitates him as Louis asks frantically, “Why isn’t she crying? Why isn’t she crying, Holt?” Despite his obvious distress, the heart monitor is slowing steadily as the boy struggles to breathe.

“Be swift,” the second doctor murmurs. “We will need to stabilize him.” Stabilize him?

And, “Number two.”  Which he takes as the next pup coming to. Distinct wails crowd the space, and Louis’ slumps, lids lowering like his panic was all that was keeping him.  A nurse comes over to them, “The babies are fine, but you’ll have to leave. Louis is fading, and we need to stabilize him.” Just like that he’s spiraling into conniption, “No. No! I’m not fucking leaving! Get away from me! I…”

Jay takes his arm. Oh Christ why is she so composed? Why isn’t anyone else panicking? He’s alone in his hysteria. Horrifically alone.  “Harry. They’re doing what they can. You’re only in the way.”

Louis’ hand is terrifyingly limp in his, so it all too easy for Jay and two male nurses to drag his scrambling form out of the room. Abandoned, Harry hits his knees, and prays. Prays because there is nothing left, he’s powerless.  And it’s never felt so real, so wrong.

Take the very breath you gave me, take the heart from my chest, I’ll gladly take his place if you’ll let me. Make this my last request. Take me out of this world. Please, don’t take him. Don’t take paradise.

But God says nothing.

Epilogue:

            Aside from the countless lessons Harry’s learnt on his journey to better one of the most momentous: God is above words. Sometimes words don’t go far enough, the vessels of letters and the ladles of grammar incapable of holding the heart’s sentiments. Only now does Harry understand.

See, his pups don’t need words to express themselves. They don’t need words to express their hunger or their fuss. They don’t need words to express their contentment. They simply do not need words.

Four months, three weeks, have passed since their birth. They were hospitalized three months. In which Harry refused to leave. Not with them so tiny, so vulnerable. Not once was Harry more than twenty feet away from his precious pups. Not once did Harry leave them.  Not to eat. Not to sleep. Showers were as quick as possible in the adjoining bathroom to the room they’d been allocated. Visitors strictly prohibited aside from immediate family. Nobody was allowed to touch. Not even when Holt gave the okay. And the good doctor ran regular tests to ensure nothing changed with their health while incubated.

Not once did God speak to him.

And yet his pups are healthy. More so than most would be at this point.  They’re strong. Born at only 1.7kg and 2.okg, not even one stone. Just the size of his hand. And they’re now a very proud 1.1 and 1.2 stone, which Holt assured him was above the appropriate measure for pre-mature babies.

It’s been one month with them. Home. Safe and sound. These days become some of the best he’s had yet despite everything. Oh does he adore his Little Loves.

Even now. Sleep deprived and running on seven cups of coffee.

With the carrier secured (it’d be checked three times) to the shopping cart the Alpha somehow ends up in the toy aisle. As of now he’s not had the chance to delve into the possibilities. There are so many. Pleased, Harry begins to pile the ones his baby boy, seven weeks into this world (considering the last ten weren’t up to date with the normal time pups are meant to be in the womb–Harry doesn’t count those weeks), smiles at. Still so tiny Easton James Tomlinson-Styles resembles him like no other. With fair, incredibly soft skin, dark tuffs of hair covered by a kitten baby blue knit bonnet, chubby cheeks indented with dimples that mark a little, beautiful smile, and wide identical eyes. Green and doe. Though Louis is there. In the button nose and the thick lashes.

“You like this one, do you?” he asks, grinning widely as a little mitten covered hand bats at the stuffed giraffe. “Well then this one, like the many others, comes with us. Let’s not forget your sister. Hmm…”

It’s at the end of the aisle that his phone vibrates in his pocket. As he peers at an interesting looking box named Cloud B Bubbly Bunny Plush with Soothing Sounds Harry answers blindly, “Who’s it?”

“It’s your very worried Omega,” the loveliest voice to be heard says over the line. “I’m missing my baby boy. And I’m missing my Alpha. Do you, by any chance, know where they might be?”

“Funny that,” Harry says, grinning at Easton who’s drooling now (it shouldn’t be so adorable, honestly), “I’m missing my baby girl. And I’m missing my Omega. Does that mean you belong with me?”

“Harry,” warnings echo in his voice.

“Alright. Fine. I’m,” he peers at the aisle, “Aisle three of the play department.”

“Of course you are,” but there’s a fond note to his voice. “You can buy three toys. That’s all.”

“Restrictions?” Harry’s mock scandalized. “Not enough. More like three hundred.”

“You’re spoiling them. When they’re brats I blame you.”

Lit up like a storm Harry murmurs, “Might I remind a certain Omega of mine that he’s had designer outfits custom made for these very pups in all different assortments and three thousand outfits when they’re going to grow out of them in two months’ time?”

“I bought different sizes. For someone who’s such a fashion expert you don’t know how to shop baby clothes for the life of you. And anyway, hand-me-downs for the next.”

“Our next litter is not going to be wearing hand-me-downs. They have to be up to date,” the Alpha scolds as Louis giggles over the line, then singsongs, “Primaddona.”

Grinning while fumbling through the baby-bag for bibs, Harry mumbles, “Hurry back to me, my love. There’s a crisis. Easton is drooling all over his designer top.”

“Even worse, Adeline just spit out her pacifier. I have no others.”

“Paradise, I packed six.”

“And you have the baby-bag,” Louis snaps. “I have everything else. I have the wipes and the wipe warmers. The diaper cream and the ointment. The bag and the changing kit. That’s all, right? Only thing is I don’t remember the diapers mum bought and she’s not answering the phone. Were they disposable, natural, or cloth? Oh my God, Haz, why are there so many nappies?”

“Okay,” Harry says slowly. “Definitely not cloth, that just sounds like disaster. Um, what even is a natural diaper? Go with disposable. That seems reliable enough.”

Louis groans into the phone. “Will you just come here?” Torn between the need to continue with the toys as Adeline hasn’t gotten her share and going to his paradise, Harry chews on his bottom lip. Really, he’s not too keen on going to look into diapers. He’s seen enough of those already. And shudders at the mere mention. But one must be responsible. “Harold. What’s more important here? Toys or diapers?”

“Probably toys,” Harry mutters, finally retrieving the bib to carefully wipe at Easton’s chin, then giving him his pacifier. “I’m on my way.” And if Harry spends just five more seconds gathering as many toys as possible, Louis won’t ever know, because he’s meeting him at the enormous wall of diapers. With the carts side by side Harry drinks him in–in these four months Louis’ lost nearly any semblance of his previous pregnancy. Slim, curvy, tiny as ever, with his slightly hollowed features, sharp cheeks, and chiseled jaw. A pretty smiles forms on his mouth, marked by the crinkles by his warm ocean-like eyes. “Hey there,” Harry says gently, circling his waist to dip down and kiss him, soft and sweet. “Nice of you to show up,” Louis breathes, kissing him three more times before easing out of his clasp and ambling over to Easton’s carrier. “Hi, pretty boy,” he coos in his baby voice, taking his mitten covered hand to place a kiss. “We’ve been missing you and daddy.”

Before the boy discovers the loaded cart Harry’s bent over to regard his lovely baby girl.  Adeline Rose Tomlinson-Styles. Looking at his precious Little Love, born one minute before his other Little Love, the Alpha thinks, despite his Omegas notions, she resembles Louis more than himself. She’s much plumper than Easton, with light peach fuzz for hair (hidden as she’s wearing a pale pink knit cap reaching just above her barely-there brows). Like Easton, his daughter’s fair skin is soft, and her nose the same tiny button. Her little bow mouth and fleshy cheeks cast health. But it’s the eyes–Louis’ eyes. Wide, round, and vividly blue.

Staring back at him. “Ade,” he greets adoringly, grinning at how her little tongue pokes out with her wide smile. “Hi, lovely girl. I hope papa’s not been boring you too much. Next time we’ll go pick up toys together.”

“First of all,” Louis starts, entirely disapproving, “Don’t call her that, I told you. Second, there’s enough for the both of them.”

“You’re being unfair,” Harry says, adjusting his Little Love’s cap, itching to hold her, but deciding against as the weather’s already artic with winter and she looks so content and warm there, in her carrier with layers of thick winter wear.

“Unfair?” Louis squawks, scandalized. “Unfair my arse–,”

“Language,” Harry tuts, regarding him through narrowed slits as he crosses his arms. “Practise for when they can actually comprehend. I don’t want potty mouthed children.”

“Oh, shut up,” the Omega mutters, storming up to him and yanking at his scarf so he’s staggering forward. As its second nature Harry’s tugging, so he’s soft soft soft against him, stretching up to meet his mouth. “Nap time soon. Know what that means?” he asks throatily as Louis runs his fingers through his waves.

“Sleep, thank God,” Louis says breathily, “If we’re lucky we have three hours tops before one of them wakes again.”

Like sleep is ever on his mind these days. Groaning, the Alpha nips at his bottom lip, sucking wetly, then, once Louis’s making a little not right now noise, “That means I can make love to you.”

A breathless giggle pours sunshine down his throat before Louis breaks the contact, nuzzling his jaw as he struggles think with the scent wiring his senses. “Quick. Make it quick. I need this sleep. And so do you.”

Anticipation flares in his chest as his hand strokes up the curve of his spine. “How quick? Like an hour?”

But the Omega only snorts, easing away towards the baby bag, “Jesus, did you pack our lives in here, Haz?”

“Just what we needed,” Harry shrugs.

When the boy pulls out the stash the Alpha almost chokes on his breath, “Were you planning to have one too?” Louis asks sweetly, cradling the three bottles to his chest.

“I definitely don’t need a bottle when I have you,” he retorts easily, distracted as Louis holds out another pacifier. Confused, Harry takes it, though Louis only murmurs, “She’s bound to get fussy.”

As right Louis is these days it’s not very shocking that little upset wails start up, pitchy and heart rendering. Out of the two Adeline triples (quadruples, just bests) Easton in sound, as his sons already much more soft-spoken. Harry doesn’t know which is worse. Most of Adeline’s tantrums are easy placated, but silence is complicated. Many times the Alpha’s ready to bury himself six feet under, terrified that they’re mistaking his silence for character and not something truly wrong. Holt’s reassured him countless times that Easton is in fine health. But he’s still so tiny, so vulnerable, and that could change. And what if–, “Haz, please! Give her the bloody pacifier!”

Hastily, Harry scrambles over to Adeline. Happily, his daughter all but sucks the pacifier out of his fingers. The little trinket covers her small mouth and her cheeks. It’s an adorable sight that Harry just can’t resist whipping his phone out and snapping pictures, charmed by the lack thereof tears. Already she knows how to get her way.

“No flash photography,” Louis teases.

“My children,” he says, snapping shots of Louis tucking Easton’s blanket around his tiny form, “My rules.”

“Our children. Our rules.”

“’S always our children your rules,” Harry murmurs idly, not at all miffed by this. Louis knows best. Louis’ all spidey-senses, and prophet. Harry fumbles. Louis strides. Parenting is more a learning experience for him that it is his Omega. Which he doesn’t mind. He enjoys learning. He enjoys that he’s out of bed warming bottles before Louis is up to breastfeed. He enjoys that he’s built a tolerance, and what’s sleep deprived to Louis is wide awake to him–he enjoys waking up first and carrying their Little Loves to the downstairs nursery and placing them in their bouncers and sitting up just to watch them do practically nothing at all. More than almost anything Harry loves being daddy.

This is their first trip into the world as a unit, and he’s going to capture the event. All else be damned. Before the Omega can retort, vibrations are dimly heard, “Oh!” the boy gasps, fishing his phone from his pocket, “Here! It’s mum! You figure out the diapers! I forgot the…” but he’s already shoving his phone into Harry’s free hand and starting in the opposite direction.

“Reckon it’s just us for now,” the Alpha mutters, picking up to Jays frantic, “Sorry! I was bathing the twins! Everything okay? Is it the pups? What–,”

“No, no,” Harry says, rolling his eyes. “We’re fine, Jay. Actually, we’re already running low on nappies and Louis insisted we restock.  Thing is we don’t know the type?”

“Oh, dear Lord,” the older Omega lets out an unsteady breath. “That’s all? I rushed to respond because–,”

“Because your grandchildren’s bottoms are at risk,” he says, trying very hard not to laugh.

“How are my grandchildren? We all miss you so much. We insist we formulate another living–,”

“Jay. I hate to interrupt, but it’s nearly kiptime. And we’re not home. Louis really needs the sleep. We can definitely talk more on it this weekend when you’re over.”

Understanding, Louis’ mum begins to list the best brands and sorts. When the Alpha glances at his pups they’re still blessedly awake, but bound to fall asleep on the ride if they take any longer. So Harry hangs up once he has the information he needs and begins to carefully load the basically empty cart with boxes upon boxes of their largest packs. It’s when he’s managed to fit the last box (number seven) into the cart that Louis is jogging over, breathing a bit labored, “Sheesh. I’m really out of shape.” Blankets are tossed over the toys, “We needed those. Oh! So they were natural disposable! Brilliant. Let’s go.”

A proper mess they make it to the checkout. Mercifully, there are no lines as it’s still quite early. Even so Harry is forced to give up most of his toys, brooding the entire way as Louis chirps, “Quit sulking, baby. Go get them set up in the car.”

“I can pay. You go to the car,” Harry mutters though Louis murmurs slyly, “I go. I drive.”

Without hesitation Harry’s undoing the carriers hold on the cart, easing Easton’s into the belly of the cart because he isn’t up to struggle with the stroller right now, and warning, “You’ll be lucky if I don’t leave you behind.”

Chiming laughter ruptures his brooding as Louis skips up to where he’s before the cart, adjusting his scarf, then stretching up to kiss him softly. Before he has the chance to kiss him back the boys retreated, “Well just in case you do, don’t forget it’s the north exit and not the west.” Then, to their calm pups, “Catch you later, lovelies.”

Sighing low in his throat Harry takes them to the car (proudly it’s his Range Rover and not a minivan), parked as close as possible. Firstly he starts the car, needing it to be as warm as possible before moving on. With one hand on the cart the Alpha jacks the right rear open, spending more time than necessary double checking the locks before taking undoing Adeline’s guard on the carrier and carefully easing his tiny pup into her car seat. When she begins kicking (perhaps Louis wasn’t exaggerating all those months ago) as he’s working on securing the straps Harry murmurs as sternly as possible around his grin, “Don’t sass me, young lady.” And she spits out the pacifier, so it’s tumbling out onto the snowy asphalt.

“Well, now you’ll have to wait as papa has the baby-bag.” Though he’s mentally reminding himself two baby-bags are apparently necessary. Softly closing the door Harry returns to the cart, and to the other side, where he rushes to get Easton into the warmth. Precious as he is, his son is pliant and soft despite how wide and doe his green gaze is. It’s quick–once they’re in he’s placing the carriers in the boot, and ditching the cart. Not quick enough. As he’s waiting on Louis, Adeline begins to fuss, little, angry whines. Pinching the bridge of his nose Harry wishes his Omega would hurry because surely another pacifier is needed right now.

But. He can’t just wait it out. Rounding to her side Harry opens the door and forces his gangly limbs into the vehicle, manages to squeeze between the car seats. Frantic, Harry bends to face his daughter, whose chubby face is scrunched with her displeasure. “Hey, hey,” he says in his most soothing voice, taking her little mitten covered hand and shaking it gently. “Don’t cry, lovely. Papa’s coming. I swear.” It’s the best he can offer. Harry’s such a bloody sucker for the little tears. This is Louis’ finest category in parenting–comforting them. Meanwhile Harry’s fumbling to survive.

Adeline’s wails seem to startle Easton as his usually peaceful boy is shrieking at the top of his little lungs.

As his heart pounds behind his ears Harry evens his breaths and starts to climb onto the cup holder, where he can see them both. In his struggle he manages to knock his head on the car’s ceiling, wincing though the most precious sounds greets him. A delighted hitching giggle. Slumping as the two quiet just a bit Harry regards them suspiciously–Genuine, distressing crystals ooze past Easton’s lashes, little nose pink, little mouth in an upset O. Much the same Adeline’s cheeks are tear streaked though there are none to be seen now as her little mouth is wide with a lovely tiny grin.

“You’re Louis’ little monsters, that’s for sure,” Harry murmurs, winded. “What does daddy have to do to please his Little Love’s? Keep bumping my head?” Of course the other responses are beautiful, wide teary eyed blinks. “Now, I know I’m bad at this,” he says nervously, digging through his pocket for his phone, “Nowhere near papa’s expertise. But, look, a phone.” Helpless, he holds his phone out to Easton first, moving it from side to side and watching his identical eyes follow the object. “Neat, huh?” Moving onto Adeline, whose tiny hand bats at it, “Now. When I do this,” he presses the lock.

Still too bright the thing lights up with a photo of the two of them, just weeks ago, clinging to each other, “Look, it’s you and your little brother!” One day Easton might argue the term as it’s only by a minute, but, for now, “And here’s papa and daddy,” he fumbles to unlock his phone, but then there is a picture of them, a selfie he’d taken when Louis was (technically) released from the hospital, though the Omega had only left their room to get them food.

“Cute, huh?” As he shows them both the reaction’s jumpstart his heart. Though he’d read somewhere this was around the time they’d recognize faces it’s nothing compared to watching them make the connection in their brilliant, developing brains. Incredible to watch how in unison the two are even now–breathtakingly wide smiles brighten their little round faces.  Wide, innocent eyes staring like it’s the most splendid sight in the world.  Aside from them it is. “Yeah. Cute. Papa doesn’t like it though. Shh,” he hushes like they could actually tell. “This is our secret. This never happened. What papa doesn’t know won’t–,” but the boot comes open, wafting cold air as Louis mutters, “Never again. Next time you’re paying. Service is so slow. Why do you get to drive?”

Grinning, Harry winks at them, but throws open Easton’s side to hop out into the cold. “Because I’ve never totaled any cars,” the Alpha reminds, then, “Baby bag?” he asks once he’s rounded. Tempest coloured eyes alight with annoyance Louis mutters, “I’ve got them. You pack. I’m tired.”

Taking the bag Louis leaves him with the bag stuffed cart. Sighing, Harry gets right on it. Finishes as swift as possible as the Omega’s whining over the cold and he’s more than worried the twins might become ill. Throughout the drive not only do their pups fall asleep, but so does Louis, curled up with his hoodie over his face and his face in his arms.

Affection laces his lungs, but he doesn’t go a mile over the limit nonetheless. Once they’ve parked, Louis speaks around little yawns, “Grab the diapers. And not anything more.”

Once he’s disappeared into the house with both pups cradled in either arm Harry makes it his mission to grab as many bags of toys as possible around the three boxes in his arms (nappies may be light, but not when they’re packed in boxes). Somehow he manages to make it into the heated, stuffy house without slipping on the shoveled frost. Dropping everything at the door the Alpha holds onto one box and the stuffed giraffe, and makes it upstairs as quietly as possible. Crossing into the connecting nursery the Alpha lowers the box as Louis shuffles about with the two in his arms, humming softly.

Yanking at the tag Harry tosses the stuffed animal into the bassinet, then takes Adeline from Louis. Stubborn as his pup is, those wide cerulean eyes are staring back at him. “She’s just like you already,” Harry whispers, tossing a grin at Louis who’s chewing on his bottom lip, struggling not to smile back. “Daddy duty, Haz. You’re lucky I already changed them.”

“That was fast,” Harry breathes back, noticing all at once that his little love’s dressed in an orange onesie, the cap removed to reveal her little tuffs of light hair.

“I’m the best.”

Furiously sucking on her pacifier Adeline blinks slowly, lashes fluttering the more they banter back and forth. Easton is asleep first. “Ha!” Louis giggles in whisper–it’s a thing. Competing to see which of them gets to whichever pup to sleep first. One Harry purposefully loses most times. “Loser!”

With a chaste kiss to his daughter’s mitten covered hand the boy scampers out. Just like that.

“Jokes on him,” Harry breathes affectionately as his tiny little baby’s lashes flutter closed. “I get to tuck you two in.” Making sure she’s fast asleep the Alpha only then lowers her into the cradle with Easton (having found some time ago that the two preferred to bunk together) watch the two squirm until their almost hugging. Draping the buttercup coloured baby blanket over them Harry is careful to place the giraffe nearby before tuning the Mobil before fiddling with the baby monitor and creeping out once he’s sure it’s on.

As he’s shutting the door a whimsical whisper startles him, “Success?”

“Success,” he breathes before facing him, momentarily stunned as Louis’s pressed against him, soft and delicious, purring as his slim arms wind around his neck. “Ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?” he asks, just barely able to focus with how hard the scent’s colliding with his mind.

“Ten minutes,” the boy repeats, voice honeyed. When his soft lips, parted and warm, run up his throat understanding finds him. Growling playfully, the Alpha grips the backs of his chunky thighs, hitching him up his body with Louis’ swift response. “Challenge accepted.”

They’re not alone, but they’re alone enough when Harry’s carried them down the hall to one of the unused guests, in the quiet dark lee of the room. Moving him backwards, even deeper into the shadows as this room is windowless, he slips his palms under the lip of his sweater and onto the skin of his lovely Omega. Smooth, warm, vital, the boy arches under his touch.

“I’ll let you keep your top on,” he says quietly, setting him on his feet, though Louis’s mouth is so responsive against his, “But the tights are goin’ down.”

Hooking his thumbs into the waistband, the Alpha takes them to his ankles, watching him kick them away clumsily. And fuck he’s desperate, taking him around the waist and pinning him onto the mattress, kissing him deep and long and slow. Delicious, his mouth moves under his in ways that are both familiar and mysterious–but, then, this is making love, isn’t it. By now he’s well acquainted with him from the inside out–there is nothing of his that hasn’t been inside him in one form or another. And yet being with him is as wondrous as the first time.

He is the same, yet he is always new.

And he’s aware what this is about. He knows Harry needs to be in control of them right now, knows he needs to be the driver. At this moment, he wants to do something right and beautiful and do it well, because at the end of every day all he can think about is how much ugliness he’d done to himself and to others, and, mostly, to Louis.

So he takes his time, with his tongue dipping in and out of his gasping mouth and his hand caressing the slight swells of his chest, the hard peaks of his nipples, and fuck the response has a dividend that leaves his cock throbbing at the fly of his trousers: Louis melts in his hold, getting fluid and hot. Moaning much too loud for the circumstances. “Quiet,” he orders quietly into his mouth. “I’ll put you on your belly if you can’t stay quiet.”

Louis fists his hair, “No. ‘M good. Your good boy.”

A groan starts deep in his throat as his canines clamp over the flesh of his plush bottom lip. On its own accord his hand drifts down the span of his belly, tracing the tiny pucker of the scar even as Louis shakes his head softly. Bracing on his free hand Harry looks down at him, beautiful even in the dim darkness, beautiful eyes pinched shut. “I don’t like it.”

Tracing the little furrow lovingly the Alpha noses at his temple, inhaling the thick scent, both his bonding scent and Louis’ desire. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Pliant underneath him the Omega whispers, “So are you.”

“Glad we’re in agreement,” he growls playfully, finding his mouth again even as Louis gasps, “Ten minutes, Styles.”

“Think I actually want you on your belly.” Without warning the Alpha’s easing him onto his belly, breath stolen at the sight of his perky ass, fleshy and his to take. “So pretty,” he groans, nosing at the swells, “Just wanna taste you.”

“Oh, God, Haz, just do something,” the boy whimpers, bowing his back beautifully so his ass is perked out for him. And his hands between his rounds, the welling heat irresistible and so wet already.

“Christ. You’re so ready.” As ready his cock pounds with his heartbeat, and fuck he just–he meant to keep going slowly, but then he’s forcing his middle finger into his tiny hole, watching him tense up, then melt in little shivers.

“Yeah,” Louis mewls, squirming, “Alpha.”

And fuck he’s drilling him with his finger, squeezing his index to spread him properly, spurred by his muffled little noises. Rocking against his prostate, Harry breathes, “Pup. You wanna come?”

“Wanna come, wanna come,” the Omega mumbles on and on until his thrusts are aimed on that sweet spot, and he’s watching him claw at the blankets, whimpering, “uh uh Alpha uh.” Until he’s shoving three as deep as possible, pressing insistently, growling, “Come on, pup. Give it to me.” And the boy’s moaning, clamped on his fingers even as he ruts into the mattress, trembling around little fucked out jolts.

As his bonding scent roars the Alpha takes his fingers back, tugging so he’s on his back, nails raking down his chest, leaving red stinging pain as he fumbles with his zipper. When his cocks’ free, the cool air is painful, but Louis’s knees are folded and it’s so easy to just have him.

Prodding at his entrance his cock is slick in seconds with how drenched Louis is for him. Linked, the Alpha is slow, knowing it’s bound to hurt when it’s been months. Slow slow slow as pleasure rips up his spine, controlling his movements so he’s driving forward, cock buried as deep as possible. Louis whimpers, his head falling back his legs round his waist, heels digging into his back, stilling him.

Seconds in he’s through waiting, palming at the contours of his sharp hips to hitch him enough that his thrusts are deep and effortless and hard. Growls build in his chest as their gazes’ cling, blue is all he knows, and for once he’s washing his soul in those waters. Pleasure’s pouring over his body, and he’s lowering his head to clamp onto the bright red of his nipple, groaning as Louis clenches around him, the boy’s hands caught in his hair.

He’s pulling furiously on his already swollen flesh, wanting wanting wanting. And fuck he gives, the milky liquids hot on his tastebuds, forces growls up his throat as Louis seizes up, “Haz,” it’s drawn out, reedy and perfect. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Mouthing at the next it’s when Louis’ sobbing, “Please. I need you. I still need you,” that the Alpha freezes for a split second. “And I still love you. I’ll always love you. I…”

The moment is so clear to him, everything from the feel of Louis’ weight in his palms and his body clenched around his cock and his nipple at his mouth to their scents and the scent of the house, pine and lavender and the crystal-clear air. He knows the balance between his heart and his mind and exactly how his trousers are still tight around his thighs. He knows the pumping of his chest against Louis’s, the beat of his blood and his own, the gathering of erotic tension.

Mostly, though, he knows the cradle of their love for each other, for their Little Loves.

He can’t remember anything being this vivid, this real.

This is the gift of recovery, he thinks wildly. The ability to be here in this moment with the Omega he loves and be fully aware, fully awake, fully present. Undiluted.

He thinks of William and the meeting and what the bloke said: I want to be where I am tonight more than I want the high.

Yes. Damn it…yes.

Harry starts moving again, taking and giving by turns.

Breathless and straining, he lives as they come together…lives vividly.

Caught in his body, spellbound by pleasure, their pinky’s intertwined, Harry’s never seen any Omega smile as beautifully and broadly as Louis does now while looking up at him.

So he must know what Harry means.

I love you forever, the only promise to be left unbroken.

fin.