Chapter Text
Columbia University
Jack, Lucien, and Allen were taken out of the boat by the coast guard, getting a talk by the man on stealing property. They played innocent and claimed that they had no idea it belonged to someone since it was just sitting there on its own, assuming it was there in case anyone wanted to use it. At first, the coast guard didn’t believe them, but they played dumb so well that they eventually convinced the man of it. “Well, you boys need to ask someone next time. Don’t go doing anything else foolish, you understand? Don’t wanna have to see you lot again.” Unfortunately, even though they were let off the hook with the guard, the man still informed their parents and school of their actions. Lucien had lied about his name, but was forced to confess his real one when Columbia said they didn’t have such a student called ‘Arthur Rimbaud’. The coast guard let them go after informing everyone and Allen was terrified of what his father would say. He has never done anything like this before and felt so stupid for letting Lucien and Jack convince him to join them. They could’ve gotten into some serious trouble. The entire time, Lucien didn’t seem to be taking it seriously either. At least Jack was being respectful towards the man, trying not to dig his hole even deeper. Lucien just made little sarcastic comments that the guard took as him actually being stupid. Allen knew better than that though. They parted ways after, the guard watching them leave. Jack went back to his apartment and Allen took Lucien back to school where they were now being forced to speak with the Dean separately. Lucien’s mother was already at the school when they arrived so the boy had to go first. They exchanged a ‘good luck’ look to one another as Allen waited in the hall, watching Lucien disappear into the Dean’s office.
“You’ve managed to matriculate and drop out of Tulane, Bowdoin, and the University of Chicago.” The older man began, sitting at his desk with Lucien’s file out in front of him, Lucien and his mother sitting in chairs. The small office was painted a medium red color, a cherry wood desk sitting inside with lots of little knick knacks sitting around decoratively. Didn’t look like a Dean’s office at all since there was hardly anything relating to the school there in the room. Looked more like a lawyers office, really; one of those shady lawyers who paid under the table and didn’t even have a degree. “Your attendance record here is abominable. You’ve ignored curfew. Your papers, when you bother to turn them in, exceed the assigned page limit,” The Dean continues, putting down the folder on Lucien Carr, “Can you explain to me why you’re even here at Columbia?”
Marion Carr was sat beside her son, puffing on a cigarette with her elegant clothing clung tightly to her body. She wore some expensive white gloves on her frail arms and a look of distaste on her face. She didn’t want to be there and felt that her son shouldn’t be in there either.
“Same reason you’re here.” Lucien finally spoke, blank expression on his face with his legs crossed.
“What is that?”
“Loose Barnard girls.”
The Dean took a deep breath at the smutty words coming from this students mouth, taking his glasses off to rub his nose in frustration as Marion gives a weary smile to the man. Lucien was difficult to understand, she knew his words were just a defensive mechanism that he’s developed. Her son didn’t actually mean them.
“I know about your difficulties, about what happened in Chicago.”
Allen sat outside the door, listening in to the conversation. When he heard the Dean mention Chicago, his eyes squinted as he tried to concentrate on the words coming from the other side of the door. He needed to know, but he didn’t want to ask.
Lucien, on the other hand, didn’t want to hear it. This man knew about what he did and he was mortified and angry and terrified and betrayed all at the same time. He glares at his mother, voice full of anger despite the million emotions running around inside of him, “You told him?”
“He’s not the enemy.” She says softly, sympathetic for her boy.
“See, the University acts in loco parentis. You are our responsibility. We’re trying to find a way to make this all work.”
It was like Lucien couldn’t hear. Everything sounded like it was underwater and he couldn’t understand a word neither his mother nor the Dean were saying. He was beyond angry. He was fuming.
“Who said anybody could know anything about anything?” He shouts, exploding with disgust at both of them.
“Lucien, your temper!” His mother reminds him, trying to stay calm so he didn’t get any worse.
Allen listened more outside the door, but looked away from it when he heard footsteps approaching. It was his father and some woman that he didn’t know.
“Allen? What the hell is going on?” His father raises his voice, angry that he had to come all the way up to his sons school because he couldn’t behave himself.
“Who’s she?” he asks, ignoring his fathers question.
The woman had brown hair that was tied up in a tight bun on her head, bushy eyebrows, and a nervous look on her face. “Hi. I’m Edith Cohen.” She smiles small at Allen, hoping to impress him.
“What’s she doing here?”
Edith then realizes that Louis never told his son about their relationship so she decides on leaving the two men alone so they could speak privately, “I’ll go wait outside.” She says, patting Louis’ arm lovingly. It was a gentle sort of touch that made Allen see that they were together and probably have been for a long time.
“So that’s why you locked mom up.” Allen notices, watching Edith walk away before looking back at his father. Louis just slapped him in his face instead of answering him back. His son had become disrespectful ever since starting at the University and Louis didn’t like it.
Lucien then storms out of the Dean’s office, glancing at Allen before trudging off down the hall with his mother following him.
“Lucien!” she shouts, trying to catch up to him.
“Did he put you up to this?” Louis questions him sternly, his liking of Lucien disappearing completely. It was all that boy’s fault, “You have been nothing but disrespectful since you’ve began hanging out with him. You are screwing your life up, Allen! I don’t want you hanging out with that boy anymore, do you hear me? This was all his idea wasn’t it? You’re lucky they don’t kick you out of school for this!”
Allen stares at his father, suddenly gathering courage to defy him. “No. I stole the boat, and it was tremendous.”
It felt good. It felt freeing to lie like that to his father, to make him feel like Allen wasn’t this goody two shoes son who spent his time taking care of his mother. He didn’t want to be that kind of son anymore. Allen wanted to feel liberated. He had spent all of his life trying to make his parents proud and the one time he ever does anything wrong, his father acts as if he just got sent to jail, tarnishing the Ginsberg name.
The Dean soon spoke with Allen and his father. He told the older man that it was his idea to steal the boat and was put on academic probation. The Dean expressed great displeasure for Allen at that moment, but let him off with a warning. “One more screw up and you’re out of this University. Got it?”
“Got it.” Allen nodded once, walking out of the room.
It was the next night before he finally saw Lucien again. He was in the gardens smoking a cigarette with a suitcase sitting by his feet. Allen figured he should go to all of his classes after learning he was on academic probation. Turns out that it was a bad idea. His teachers knew of what happened and kept trying to ask him about it. It was annoying. He liked it better when he only saw them when he chose to go to class.
“Where are you going?” Allen asks, walking up to him.
“You know me now. I’m only good at beginnings. Best of luck.” Lucien’s hoarse voice spoke out, obviously had been crying sometime between leaving the school and now.
“You’re dropping out?”
Allen couldn’t let him leave. He grabs the suitcase and moves it aside, sitting next to Lucien.
“My father showed up yesterday with some new woman and in the middle of the Allen’s-a-screw-up monologue, all of a sudden, I realize; I don’t care. I’ve never not cared, Lucien. So, I told them I stole the boat.”
“Why?” Lucien looks over, surprised.
“Because I don’t want to be the person they think I am. I’m on academic probation and I could get kicked out. You cant leave. You started something and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do next.”
Allen was being more honest than he felt he’s ever been. Lucien lit this fire within him and the thought of the boy leaving, never to return, made the fire feel like it was going to burn him from the inside out. With him around, he had the perfect balance inside of him and he needed Lucien so he could breathe in the fire. Without him, Allen would burn and slowly suffocate.
“It’s our turn. Let’s show them what we can do.”
Lucien was quiet, but completely moved by Allen’s words. They were going to get payback on the square filled city of Columbia University.
Library, Columbia University
They made a plan; Lucien, Allen, Jack, and Bill.
The day after Allen convinced Lucien to stay at school, they went to see Bill with Jack and discussed this plan, introducing it to the 2 other men and grinning wide when they immediately wanted in. They all had a part in this plan and they needed it to work exactly the way they’ve planned otherwise they were surely to be caught. It took a few days of discussion to find out who had what part and what they would do exactly, but they eventually got it all mapped out.
Jack was the most important person in the plan. He was going to distract and seduce the Barnard girl on duty in the library so they could get to the key which Lucien would take and give to Bill so he could copy it using some molding clay while Allen kept a look out. It was perfectly planned out, nothing could go wrong.
Although Allen knew that he would be kicked out if caught, something inside was telling him to go for it. He didn’t want to be left out of it, he wanted it as much as the others did.
“You must not drink while you’re handling it, and no writing in it.” The librarian instructs a student who was checking out a restricted book. “It must come back exactly as you found it, understand?” The students nods and leaves the desk as the librarian leaves as well, going out of the library.
The young Barnard girl was left alone behind the desk now since it was her shift to help out. Jack smirks and takes one last chew of his gum before getting up, whispering to Lucien, “No telling Edie.” He takes the gum from his mouth and sticks it in Lucien’s palm, walking off to the counter.
Allen laughs quietly at the gum that Lucien was gagging about being in his hand, watching him stick it underneath the desk, “Fucker.”
“I see you checking out all these books and I’m asking myself; do you ever get checked out?” Jack asks the girl smoothly, leaning against the counter with a sweet smile on his face. The girl is glowing, giggling at Jack’s words before going out from behind the desk to walk off with him. Just then, another girl comes out and takes her place. “See you tomorrow.” This new girl waves to the other one who was leaving with Jack.
“Damn! Shifts over.” Lucien whispers out, seeing the plan has failed as Jack shrugs at his friends.
Allen considers the moment carefully before looking at the new girl and offering himself up, “I’ll go.” He slowly gets up and walks over, looking back at Lucien halfway there and seeing a look of worry on the boy’s face.
“Hi.” He says when hes finally in front of the new girl, name tag reading ‘Gwendolyn’. The girl didn’t say anything, just looking up at Allen with a smile.
“I was wondering if you could help me.”
Allen was nervous. He was probably sweating like a pig because he was supposed to get with this girl to distract her and he has no idea how to do that. He’s never been with anyone before.
“Sure.” Gwendolyn smiles politely.
“I’m looking for a book.”
“Okay. Does this book have a title?” She chuckles slightly.
Allen thought for a moment before speaking lower than before, but still loud enough for his friends to hear, “It’s called…The Day Amanda Came.”
Gwendolyn immediately caught on. She knew exactly what Allen was asking her to do. Lucien held back a laugh, shocked at Allen because he’s never heard the boy talk about anything sexual, ever.
“Well, you’ll have to wait. I can’t leave the desk.” She informs him suggestively, leaning over the counter to show her breasts more.
Allen turns slightly over to look at Lucien, feeling confident at his nod to keep going.
“I really need it.” Allen says quietly to her.
Gwendolyn looks around before pulling out a ‘Be back in 5 minutes’ sign and placing it on the desk.
“Okay. Only for you.”
They head off for the restricted section to be alone, Allen following behind her and waving at Lucien to hurry up. Once they were disappeared into the room, Lucien jumps up and runs, sliding over the librarians desk. He opens up the drawer where the keys are kept and digs around only to find old book cards and pencils.
“Shit!”
Bill looks over and tells Lucien to follow Allen and the girl and Lucien does just that. He runs around the corner and into the restricted section, walking around to find them.
“Working here must be a drag.” Allen was attempting some casual conversation so he didn’t have to go through with doing anything with Gwendolyn.
“I like it. It’s the only way I meet boys. They’re very strict at Barnard.” She says, stepping closer to Allen.
“How strict?”
“For example, they wouldn’t let me do this.” Gwendolyn says softly, lifting up her sweater to expose a light pink lace bra.
Allen felt his mouth go dry at that. She was definitely going to make this hard for him to get out of, wasn’t she?
“Right, no.” He nods, looking away from her chest.
“Did you know I’ve never done it with someone who was Jewish before? I’m really excited to see what it looks like.” She giggles, hands reaching down to undo Allen’s pants.
Allen stops her, getting uncomfortable with the situation.
“I’m sorry,” she pulls away, tugging her sweater back down, “I thought you were saying something, but not saying it. Should we find your book?” she moves away from him, looking awkward now.
Allen then sees Lucien peeking around the corner, looking confused at him. Lucien points to the keys in Gwendolyn’s hand while mouthing the word ‘keys’. Looking down at them, Allen realizes that he had no way out of this and he was going to have to do at least something with the girl.
“There is no book.” He suddenly tells her, looking away from Lucien after a minute or so, “Take it off.”
Gwendolyn raises an eyebrow at him and hesitates before speaking, “Really?”
Allen nods back.
She sets the keys on the table beside them and undoes her shirt buttons as Lucien silently grabs the keys, making sure they don’t jingle and walks away quickly to Bill who was standing at the end of the book section. They make a copy of the key as Gwendolyn speaks again, “No, you take it off.” Lucien hears her say.
A shirtless Gwendolyn smirks towards Allen and confesses to him, “I’m not a virgin, I’ve done it with 3 guys already.” She then kisses him harshly, multiple times before realizing Allen was being still and looking shocked. “You’re kind of a virgin though, huh?”
Allen shakes his head quickly, “No.”
“Liar. If you have done it before, you’ll last for 30 seconds. Start counting.”
Gwendolyn then sinks to her knees and opens his fly, tugging his pants down to expose him fully.
The feeling of lips around his dick was completely overwhelming. It was so strange, but good.
“1…2…” he begins counting, her warm mouth bobbing on his dick.
Lucien then returns to see Allen getting blown, so obviously for the first time considering the look on his face. He leans his body back against the books and watches closely.
“3…4…” Allen continues, looking up to find Lucien watching him. His mind immediately wonders and imagines Gwendolyn being Lucien; that it was him instead on his knees.
Lucien’s eyes flicker down to Gwendolyn briefly then back up to Allen. Their eyes met and the stare didn’t break. Something inside of Lucien wanted to make Allen come, not because of the girl that had her mouth on him, but because of him. Allen was probably imaging that it were him instead and it made Lucien a little aroused as well.
“5…6…” Allen knew that was he was feeling inside wasn’t from Gwendolyn. It was all Lucien and the fact that Lucien was willingly watching him made Allen think he had a chance. He definitely had a chance.
“7…8…9…” Allen comes when he gets to 9, gripping Gwendolyn’s hair and keeping the eye contact with Lucien for a moment, seeing him smirk then lay the keys back down quietly, walking away.
Gwendolyn rises back up as Allen pulls his pants back up, “I knew it.” She grabs the keys after putting her shirt back on, “I bet you don’t even read.”
“I do.” Allen says to himself when she leaves as he buttons his pants back up.
Back out in the library, Allen finds his friends giving him a congratulatory nod.
“Let’s go, boys. Time is of the essence.” Bill tells him and Lucien, Jack still gone with the first girl.
Allen looks towards Lucien as they leave, finding Lucien already looking at him. Neither smiled or smirked or blinked. The eye contact was silent and made Allen’s heart start to beat quicker.
Library, Columbia University
It look a few days for the key to be completed since they used one of Bill’s shady friends. They would’ve used a lock smith, but they were afraid that someone would question what the key was made for or that the school would ask the lock smith company if anyone made a key recently that looked like their library one, then proceed to show the key. This way took longer, but it was better for their plan.
Lucien and Allen didn’t talk about the blow job incident. They merely acted as if it didn’t happen when they interacted. It was back to the way it was before with their laughter, drinking, smoking, talk of The New Vision, and hanging out with their friends normally. David hadn’t been around though since the night they went to his place and hung the book cut outs on his walls. Allen liked to think of it as a good thing. Maybe it meant that Lucien didn’t want him around anymore and finally told him to fuck off. One could hope.
“This is it guys. Our Bastille. No chickening out.” Lucien tells the group in the dark when they get inside of the library to make the plan come to life.
Jack, Bill, and him followed behind Lucien with flashlights, shining them around. Bill reached into Jack’s mouth and took his gum right from it, sticking it on the door frame to keep it open, the door was blocked from closing, sticking onto it.
They look at each other, give a silent nod, then split in directions. Lucien and Jack sneak off to the main hall of the library where the glass case is and Allen and Bill sneak off to the restricted section.
The gum falls off of the door frame and the door closes with a click as it locks.
Bill uses the molded key to open the padded lock on the restricted section door, a click as it unlocks.
Lucien and Jack unscrew the glass case and take the books out of it, placing them aside.
Outside of the library, David walks in the street lamp lit street and approaches 2 campus security guards.
“Excuse me, gentlemen. I think I saw some light or movement in the library.” He informs them, watching them give a nod appreciatively before flicking their flashlights on and moving towards the building.
Bill throws the gates open and an alarm immediately goes off. A loud, buzzing fills the air as Lucien and Jack look at each other worriedly. None of them were expecting an alarm.
The guards catch the noise of the alarm and race to unlock the chain holding the library doors closed.
Bill and Allen rush past the gate, shining their flashlights and searching through the books until they find what they’re looking for. Bill tosses the books to Allen then they rush to Lucien and Jack.
The boys take the books from Allen and start to put them in the case, freezing when the alarm suddenly stops.
“What just happened?” Jack whispers to the group, heart pounding.
“We know you’re in here!” one of the guards shouts into the dark library.
They were caught. Their plan failed.
All of the boys except Lucien race back to the door they came through. Lucien stayed behind and was ducked behind the table that the glass case sat on, clicking off his flashlight.
The guards enter the room the boys were all in, searching around with their flashlights.
Jack, Allen, and Bill reach the door only to find it locked.
“What the hell, Bill? It’s locked!” Jack whispers, panicking that they were all about to be caught.
Allen turns around to see if he could think of another plan, but then notices Lucien was missing and his mind blanked.
The guards step right past Lucien and stop, making Lucien move on the other side of the case and cover his mouth so he didn’t breathe too loudly.
“Did you hear that?” one of the guards asks the other.
Jack, Bill, and Allen slide along the wall, going back to the main hall to find another exit then halt immediately when they see the guards’ flashlights.
“We know you’re here!”
“Come on out!”
Bill then spots glass doors across the room, leading out of the library. He points it out to the others, making Jack whip his flashlight into another room to lead the guards away from them so they can leave.
The guards rush to the noise and allow the group to make their way to the doors. They bolt, running quickly, and just as Allen was about to step out of the open doors, he remembers that Lucien was still inside.
“Wait, Lucien.” He tells Jack.
He turns and sees Lucien, still determined and working on the case of books.
Jack thinks its too risky and bolts out with Bill, leaving Allen alone to rescue Lucien.
He runs back to Lucien, thinking that the blond boy has officially lost his head. He didn’t understand how Lucien could still be trying to finish it when the guards would be back any minute and find them.
“Lu, that’s enough! What’s wrong with you? Come on!” Allen begs, trying to pull him away from the case.
Lucien fought back and got out of Allen’s arms, “No. Not yet. We have to finish.” He said seriously, continuing to work.
A flashlight comes into the room, catching Allen and Lucien.
“Don’t move!” one of them tells the boys then grabs Lucien.
Allen made a run for it, fleeing from the guards. Lucien struggles in the guards hold, trying to get away, but stood no chance.
“Get off of me! Allen!” Lucien shouts out for his friend, “Allen, help!”
Allen stops when he’s called, turning back to look at him. If he stays to help, there’s a good chance they would both be caught. But, if he didn’t try to help Lucien, it could ruin everything. Even besides the fact that he wanted to date Lucien, Allen didn’t want his friend getting in trouble.
He spots a wall of switches and desperately reaches for them, flipping them all on at once.
The lights in the library turn on all together, making a blinding flash in everyone’s eyes.
Lucien immediately gets what Allen is doing and prepares himself to run.
Throwing down all of the switches, Allen looks at Lucien and watches him escape from the guards. He and Allen make a run of it when reunited, running around the corner to the glass doors. The guards were chasing after them.
They open up the two glass doors and find themselves still locked in. Lucien bangs on the next set of doors, the ones leading out into the free world, while Allen hold the guards off, keeping the glass doors shut. The guards were shouting and cursing at them, telling them to open the fuck up.
Bill and Jack struggle to unlock the doors for their friends, but finally get the locks off, opening the doors and letting them escape. Breathing heavily, all 4 boys keep the doors closed with force, the guards pounding on them. Bill manages to lock the doors back successfully then the group makes a run for it.
Library, Columbia University
It was a quiet morning the next day at the library. Nobody noticing anything was different whatsoever. It was like nothing ever happened the night before. Students were reading quietly in their seats, others were using a type writer and working on homework before class begins, and the librarian had even been drinking coffee at the desk like normal, waiting for someone to check a book out or need help finding one. Everything was as it normally was.
That's why, when the tour guide came in with another group, it was also normal and nobody bothered to look up from what they were doing.
“The South Hall library is a church, and these are the sacraments.” The boy said about the glass case like an old, broken record player.
The crowd mumbles in shock, staring within the case at the strange books inside, then began laughing. The guide, confused, turns around and sees that the books in the case have been switched out. The Kama Sutra book has been opened up to a salacious page, explicit images from a Grecian urn, Lady Chatterly’s Lover, Ulysses; all the were books banned, restricted, and kept from the public eye. The book on the end was one of Lucien’s personal favorites: Tropic of Cancer, by Henry Miller.
The prisoners have come out to play.
“Oh. My. God.” The tour guide gasps, looking around to see who was responsible for such an act.
The only thing left at the scene was a note left on the glass, made up of different sized letters like the letters had been cut out individually from many different books, reading, ‘The New Vision’.
West End Bar
The next day, Bill, Jack, Allen, and Lucien found themselves in a bar. Every boy had a shot glass in front of him, feeling the need to celebrate their accomplishments.
They each held up their shot glass as Lucien made a toast, “To literacy.” He grinned, everyone downing their shot right after.
Music was playing over the jukebox, a lazy, drunken afternoon in their midsts. Allen hadn’t ever felt so good. He felt strong and capable of anything. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but he still embraced the feeling.
Looking around, Allen gazes his eyes over the wall by their table and spots a familiar boy in a football uniform.
“Jack, that’s you, isn’t it?” he points up to the photo.
Jack laughed and scanned his eyes over the photo, remembering his glory days very well. It had started back in high school. He would stay out on the field with the school’s football team and imagine the day he would get to play on it. He was a scrawny kid and nobody, not even his dad, ever believed that he would be able to make it onto the team, but they never told him to stop believing. The coach had even allowed Jack to oversee their practices. Watching their every move and learning the moves, Jack became familiar with the sport quickly. He still didn’t make the team when try outs began every year, though. Until one time, the coach was demonstrating a new move for the team, using Jack as an example. He succeeded in the move and made quite the impression on the coach. When a player got injured that season, the coach let Jack on the team. He stayed on the team and even became the best player at school, taking over as the ‘one to watch’ by scouts the year after. Jack even won them the biggest game in their entire school history. It made the papers, people were buying his old man drinks for raising one hell of a kid, and his father had even let him pick what was for dinner that night along with dessert; alcohol and a cigar was included in his prize. Jack was pretty great at the sport and got a full ride to Columbia because of it, even if he didn’t stay long.
“Yep. Last year. They still won.” Jack nodded, laughing again.
“Look at them.” Lucien spoke out, looking at the pictures with an amused expression.
“Souvenir history. To make people think they left some mark on the world, because otherwise, nobody would ever know,” Lucien then looks away from the wall and towards his friends, “I don’t ever want to end up on that wall.”
“Have no fear, you never will.” Jack teases him, making Allen laugh.
Suddenly, David appears and everyone's good mood had disappeared.
“What’s he doing here?” Allen mumbles out quietly to Lucien, trying not to look jealous, but failed miserably.
David walks over to Lucien and takes a paper out from his jacket, “Since you didn’t show up earlier, I just hoped to give you this.” He drops the paper in front of Lucien.
Seeing Lucien avoiding eye contact with David, Allen steps himself into the conversation, “Maybe he didn’t want to see you.”
“I think he can speak for himself.”
“Yup,” Lucien then speaks, not wanting anyone to fight, “And he says we should all have another round.” He stand up to grab more drinks, but David is blocking him, grabbing one of his arms and making Lucien try to push him off, except he can’t.
“You’ve had plenty of time to celebrate. Your library hijink made the morning paper. I’m sure you’re all very proud.” David’s voice was soft, but definitely not friendly.
Allen, Bill, and Jack look at each other suspiciously. They hadn’t told anyone about what they were going to do, how did David know?
“How did you know it was us?” Asks Allen, squinting towards David as Bill and Jack listened carefully.
“Did he use that ‘Bastille’ line? Cause I gave it to him.”
The rest of the group looks at Lucien, shocked. Allen felt betrayed even though he had no right to. Lucien could see and talk to whomever he pleased, but Allen hated that it was David.
“I haven’t seen you for days.” Lucien mutters out towards David.
David then throws down Lucien’s cravat to the table. Allen eyes it, feeling his stomach drop.
“You left this at my place.” David says, looking at Lucien, waiting for him to retaliate.
Allen wanted to throw up at the thought of Lucien being alone with David. But instead, he retaliates for Lucien.
“You told the guards we were there. Nobody else knew.”
David doesn’t respond, he’s been found out.
Jack jumps up and shoves David harshly, “You little fink!” he shouts out as Lucien gets up as well, exploding at David as well.
“You wanted me to get kicked out! You ratted on me!”
“Stop, Lu. You’re losing control again. We both know what happens when you do, we know what happens next and that can’t happen.” David puts the attention on Lucien, trying to make them forget about the fact the told on them, but it wasn’t working.
“Yeah,” Allen starts, standing up and leaning towards Lucien, “Cut him off.”
Lucien looks away from Allen, back at David and glares, giving a near fatal look, “Best of luck, Janitor.”
“Excuse me?”
“We are over. Leave.” His voice was stern and sincere, but it was also low and deadly. Allen liked it.
Lucien takes the paper and rolls it up, forcing it into a drink on the table, shocking David as the glass shatters from the force.
“Look at me, Lu.” David says with tears starting to prickle in his eyes.
Lucien ignores him and sits down, lighting a cigarette with shaky hands. He needed another drink.
Bill then stands up, not wanting David to embarrass himself, “Let’s go.”
“You said I was everything to you. You are everything to me. Everything to me, do you hear me?” David pleads out, begging Lucien not to leave him. He felt like his entire body was breaking.
“Let’s go, Dave. Time and place.” Bill whispers to him, grabbing onto him.
“Shut up, traitor.” David spits out at him for befriending Allen.
Turning back to face Lucien, David gets angry.
“You’d be dead if it weren’t for me.”
Lucien stills at that, feeling cold all over and completely mortified by the scene that David just caused. Allen just stared at Lucien, wondering what David meant by that, eyes flickering over to the door as David and Bill leave the bar.
Now Jack, Lucien, and Allen were alone at the table. Lucien starts smiling as if nothing just happened and leaned over to Allen, putting an arm around him,
“You’d be boring if it weren’t for me.”
Both boys start cracking up together.
Riverside Park
The 3 boys drank a lot more after that. They were piss drunk and Allen could hardly walk straight. They got the brilliant idea to go to the park and fuck around a bit after the bar closed. It was about 11 pm and Jack was currently trying to fit inside an empty barrel, completely trashed. When he finally fits inside, Lucien kicks it down the grassy slope, him and Allen watching as Jack rolls down. They cheer Jack on, laying back on the ground, leaning on their elbows. The barrel slams into a bench at the end of the slope, Lucien starts laughing.
“Jack? Jack?” he calls out, getting no response, “He broke his fucking neck! The warrior poet has passed on.”
Jack then staggers out of the barrel, both hands flying in the air victoriously.
“He lives!” Allen shouts, both boys cheering Jack on.
“Excellent! Judges award a…” Lucien looks towards Allen for an answer,
“Nine!” Allen holds out nine of his fingers to Jack, who then falls to his knees and pukes. Lucien and Allen start laughing again.
“Alright, Ginsy, your turn.” Lucien grins, playfully shoving Allen.
He tries to get up, but he falls right back down, way too drunk.
Lucien laughs, tucking his body closer to Allen’s.
Suddenly, Lucien wasn’t laughing anymore.
“This is just the beginning, you know.”
Lucien lays his head on Allen’s shoulder.
“Your fault, Ginsy. It’s all your fault.”
Lucien’s thigh brushes against Allen’s and Allen stares at him. This was it. This was his chance.
He looks around the park, seeing if anyone was out, but it was empty. The only other person was Jack and he was too busy emptying his alcohol filled stomach onto the ground to notice anything.
Allen takes his hand and moves it slowly against Lucien’s inner thigh, making Lucien look at his friends hand curiously, then up at him. This was the time. The moment he had been waiting for ever since he met Lucien.
“First thought, best thought.”
Allen leans over and kisses Lucien. It wasn’t heated, nor was it just a peck. It was in between the two, the perfect kiss. That is, until Lucien pulls back and stares at Allen. He may have been drunk, but Lucien felt sober. He was completely aware of what was happening and so was Allen. Lucien was absolutely terrified because even though he wanted to kiss him, at the same time, he couldn’t. But when Allen leaned in and kissed him again, the fear melted away. Lucien kissed him back, the kiss building with passion. It wasn’t only Allen who wanted it, but Lucien as well. He found Allen to be so handsome and beautiful and funny and kind and smart and fun to be around and Lucien wanted him. He wanted him so bad and it was bad that he did. The thought of what that girl did to him in the library made Lucien deepen the kiss. Allen pressed a hand onto Lucien’s cheek, pulling him in as they both got lost in each other. The kiss was hard and needy and Lucien was about to push his hips up against Allen’s other hand that was on his thigh when Jack’s voice shattered the moment.
“I think I just puked on the inside.” Jack was looking down at the ground when both boys looked over at him, wiping his mouth until he looked up at them.
Lucien stares out into the night, feeling very horrified at what he had just done. What he and Allen had just done. They kissed. Made out. The both of them. 2 boys.
It was a bad idea. A very bad, stupid thing to have done and Lucien wanted to leave. He needed to leave and get as far away from Allen as he possibly could.
Allen glances over at Lucien, wondering what he was thinking because judging by the look on his face, it probably wasn’t what Allen wanted.
Lucien stands up then as if nothing happened and gave Jack a devilish smile, “Let’s go, Jack.” He throws an arm around the boy, turning his back to Allen as they walk up the slope to leave. Jack stops and turns around to Allen,
“Wait, Al. You coming?”
Lucien glares at Allen, silently telling him not to.
“No, Allen’s got work to do. Ten pages on Spengler’s Decline of the West, due tomorrow.”
“Excuse me?” Allen asks blankly, not expecting to be blown off like that.
“I’d be lost without you, Ginsy.” Lucien tells Allen and looks over to Jack, “Come on, Lion.”
Jack looks at Allen suspiciously, giving Lucien the same look, but walks off with Lucien instead of saying anything.
Allen was all alone now and he was broken. Absolutely broken.
“Fuck!” he shouts, putting his head in his hands.
He just ruined everything.
118th Street, Jack’s apartment
Lucien and Jack stumble through the door loudly, Jack knocking over a vase and laughing as Lucien saves it from breaking. No sign of what just happened on Lucien’s face.
Jack goes into the other room to find Edie sitting with her grandma at the table, a cake in front of them as the news plays on the radio, saying that there’s been an attack in Anzio.
Jack doesn’t hear though, too busy smiling at a furious Edie.
“Edie! Edie bird!” he grins out, drunkenly walking to the table, Lucien peeking around the corner.
“Lu’s going to use the loo.” He pretends to be sober and leaves the tense situation.
“Say hi to Gram.” Edie speaks out, voice cold.
Grandma Frankie just glared at Jack from across the table.
“We invited her over for her birthday. We made her a cake.”
Oh, fuck. He messed up big time. Jack walks into the kitchen, thinking he could save his ass.
“Then we should have a drink! How about a drink, Grandma Frankie? You want some red wine?” he asks from in the other room, Edie coming after him.
“Where the hell have you been?”
Edie was furious. Not only has Jack missed her grandma’s birthday after promising he would be there, but he came home completely drunk on the day of. He skipped her birthday to hang out with little kids who like to pound their alcohol and fuck up while doing it. She wasn’t having it anymore. She’s had enough.
“Out.” Jack replied dryly as he poured some wine into three glasses.
“I packed all of your stuff. It’s in your bag. I’m going to be at gram’s tonight.” She goes to walk away, but Jack grabs her.
“Don’t fucking touch me.” She yanks her arm away from him.
“Stay. I’m sorry.”
“You just say that, but it’s one of your million words and they don’t mean anything!” she shouts, not caring if gram heard. The woman would be proud. “Just don’t be here when I come back in the morning.”
Edie leaves not even ten minutes later with her grandma. Jack stood alone in the living room, staring at the door before he remembers that Lucien was over. He goes over into the bedroom to find Lucien sitting on the bed, staring into his lap.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asks, not that bothered by Edie because he knows they’ll be fine. They do this once a month it seems like.
Lucien looks up from his hands, staring blankly at Jack. He could just say it was Edie and he felt bad for coming over when it was so obviously not okay with her, but he also felt like he should tell Jack about what happened. Lucien was confused about it all. He liked it and didn’t like it at the same time. He wants more of it, more of Allen, but he also never wants to see him again. Lucien didn’t know what he felt. He didn’t know anything at all and he just couldn’t breathe.
“Or are you just really drunk and have no idea what I’m even saying right now?” Jack laughs a little, walking over to his dresser and stripping his clothes off.
Lucien makes a conscious decision not to look over. He had spent so long avoiding the way he felt about boys and now he was going to have to either confront it and live a horrible life with it, or he was going to have to suppress it more and get rid of Allen. What if Jack and Bill didn’t want to hang out with him after? What if he accepted it and got with Allen, but they ditched him afterwords? Sure, they were fine with David being queer, but what about him? Would he be different? After all, they were closer to him than David. Lucien just didn’t fucking know anything anymore.
“No, I’m fine. I’m just tired now that I’ve sat my fat ass down.” He ends up saying with a laugh, getting under the blankets on Jack’s bed.
“Yeah, Edie threatened to kick me out. She went to stay with her grandma, but she’ll be fine. The arguing made me tired.” He climbs into bed next to Lucien and stares at the ceiling.
Neither of them say anything for a while, but Jack couldn’t stop thinking about the park and why Lucien pretty much forbid Allen from coming with them.
“What happened with Al?”
Lucien’s breathing slowed at Jack’s voice. He closed his eyes for a long time and then opened them again. He should lie and say he has no idea and that Allen was just acting weird. But then Jack might ask him about when they see him next. Lucien still didn’t want to see Allen again. He doesn’t know what would happen if he did. Although, maybe Jack could help him make a decision about what to do. Staring at a dot on the wall, Lucien finally spoke after what felt like hours of silence.
“I need to tell you something.”