Chapter Text
Ever since I was young I've always been a quiet and serious person. I wouldn't go so far to say I'm gloomy or socially awkward, but I am reserved and tend to mull over things before voicing my opinion. This means sometimes what I'm thinking or feeling won't completely get across. For example in group discussions I'm better at listening to others opinions instead of speaking first. So, when there's something really important to discuss or say, I think about it for a long time. This has never been truer than for when I was asked an important question by my best friend, Sam.
I woke up feeling groggy and with a bit of a headache from lack of sleep. My memory of yesterday was fuzzy and with a heavy body I imagine this is what a hangover feels like. I slowly sat up and stretched my arms to help me wake up, noticing my cell phone on my bed beside me. I was briefly annoyed how it wasn't on my table as usual, but that thought was soon interrupted when I saw the text on the screen: Good night. It was from Sam last night, and I replied to him: Good night. The same words, but his had more weight behind them than usual for such a simple phrase. My sleepiness slowly dissolved away as I recalled what happened yesterday afternoon, when Sam decided to kidnap me.
It was a pretty normal day at school, and though I remember being a bit more spaced out than usual yesterday, I wasn't acting any differently. Besides catching a few times when Sam was looking at me when he thought I didn't notice, he was for the most part normal too. We were almost late to first period, and during math class Sam passed me hilarious notes with funny caricatures on them. The drawing of Mr.Hartshorn made it hard not to laugh during class. All in all a routine day. Then we had basketball practice. "Alright everyone! ’bout time to wrap it up, walk off the strain we just put your muscles through." Coach yelled as I went to get a drink of water. "Remember we have an important game coming up, so you need to focus on both training and maintain your body so---" The coach continued saying to anyone in earshot, but my attention was distracted when Sam approached me saying, "So, still need a ride home?" I smile at him and reply with a yes. He gives a quick nod, smiles then walks off. I feel rather sweaty, so I head off to the showers with a few of the other guys.
After I'm done showering, I look around the locker room for Sam. He's nowhere to be found, so I head out. Suddenly Sam is racing through the locker room past me, "Hey, I'll be quick, so wait for me at the car? Kay?" I'm a bit startled, but decide to wait in the locker rooms a bit more. After ten minutes of silently waiting I decide to make my way to Sam's car. Sam quickly catches up to me, and we walk side by side to his car. Sam is unusually quiet, but without any way to break the silence I decide to keep my thoughts to myself. As if sensing my thoughts, Sam breaks the awkwardness with light conversation about the coach, his worries of our upcoming game, and complaints towards Alex for not being a team player. I lightly nod and agree to Sam's conversation, but not really adding to it. "...enough about that. Sorry I'm complaining too much." Sam lightly laughs off, and I faintly disagree mumbling, "No, 'course not." He shrugs, then turns to me, "But what about you? What's on your mind?" I look at his face, with his earnest eyes seeking more answers from me than the ones he just voiced, but what kind exactly I'm not sure. "I guess I'm just tired." I reply. Not really the truth or what he asked, but the best answer I could offer. "Me too. I'm tired of so many things, you know?" Sam sighs. "So many things," I echo. I begin to drift off into my own thoughts.
We have been driving for quite a while, but lost in thought I didn't pay attention to how long. I know distance wise it’s definitely further from our houses since we started at school. I look at Sam and ask, "Where are we going?" I see Sam smile and he replies, "I'm kidnapping you. I was waiting for you to notice." he lightly laughs to himself. I ask him, "And where is the destination of this kidnapping?" thinking back on if we made any plans tonight, and if I can figure out where we are. No on both accounts. "That's for me to know and you to find out." I see him softly smile, and I sense how happy and awake he feels. Whatever things he was tired of, at least in this moment, are gone and he's more alive than ever.
We play twenty questions along the way, so I can guess at where we are going. I'm a bit distracted and play quite horribly, but what I've found out is that we are going somewhere bigger than a trailer but shorter than the Washington Monument. It's not in a city nor in a field. It's neither yellow nor purple, not a place where you'd find horses, falafel, or Amish. Somewhere Sam's been before but not me. It doesn't smell like sewage, tater tots, or strawberries. It has never appeared on reality T.V. and there are no songs written about it. It doesn't require a change of clothing, or an admission fee, or a note from my doctor. It is not a church. He makes me close my eyes as we drive up. I have absolutely no idea where we are, no signs or identifiable markers nearby.
Sam is incredibly proud of himself. "All right. We're here." I open my eyes and the first thing I see is an old aged sign reading FUN-LAND. "I used to come here all the time as a kid, because my uncle was one of the owners. I don't know if you remember, but I told you about it when we first became friends, and you drew a complete blank. So you could say the plan to come here was hatched out of that blank." I was touched by how he remembered that conversation, and thought of this adventure, but I worriedly looked at the locked gates, "We're going to break in?" I asked. I look past the locked gates to the unlit rides waiting to be used during summer. "No need to break in when you have a key!" he pulls out and dangles the keys, "We're going to have to play pretend," Sam says.
First we head over to the carousel horses. The beautifully carved and painted horses look like perfect replicas of some knight's steed from a fairy tale. We circle around a few times jokingly admiring the horses and point out the flaws until we each find our own perfect steed. Next we dangle from the bottom of the Ferris wheel and pretend it lifts us up higher and higher. I laugh as Sam tells me to hold on tight and not look down. I'm starting to relax more, and this light feeling with Sam makes me fully enjoy our pretend games. I even begin loosing myself in our charades.
Later on we sit in the empty roller coaster car, and when I think Sam is going to pull the bar down over us instead he tells me, "I'm having such a good time," I smile and turn to him saying, "Me too," I find deep down how true it is. "I'm so glad I found you. I mean, when I first moved to town, I thought I was sunk. I didn't want to start all over again. But then I met you, and our friends, and I thought that, yeah, I did want to start over again, after all" Sam says. I think back to when Sam first moved here, and my first time meeting him at school. We hit it off instantly finding much in common with basketball and later liked most of the same music, games, and movies. I was also really glad to have met Sam, I mean I had other friends and liked them, but with Sam there was more of a connection. I was glad that by meeting me he found it better to start fresh here, and hearing him say all this made me certain we both thought of our friendship having a stronger bond. "That's cool." I said. "It is, isn't it?" he stares out again, away from me as if summoning something from inside him to finish the point he wanted to make. "I just wonder," he says, quietly. "What?" I ask, "What do you wonder?"
"I wonder if you and I should be more than friends. If you have those kind of thoughts." I was at first puzzled by Sam's statement, 'more than friends' kept echoing in my mind. I never thought of being more than friends, but the idea of being more than just friends was somewhat appealing. I was still confused though with what Sam exactly wanted and if we should risk what we had for anything more. “I don't know." I say. "You said before that you were tired. Well, I'm tired, too. Tired of letting everything stay unsaid. We spend all our time together, and we do it because we want to, right? And I guess I think a lot about that, and about us. And about...well, more. Us having more. It's not about lust or sex or whatever you want to call it. I mean, some of it is that. But it's mostly about belonging.
When I'm with you, I belong. It just naturally felt like that. And I think it felt like that for you. But I don't know where that leaves us, or even what that is. I'm just tired of trying to figure it out myself. I need the other half of the equation." I was stunned at everything Sam said, I've never heard this vulnerable side to him, but I also saw what he was asking from me. In his eyes I saw the same questioning stare he had earlier, and I still didn't have the answer to his questions. "Say something," Sam asks. "Please." I slowly came out of my speechless state and carefully said, "Sam, you know you're my best friend. That, to me, is the most important thing. Don't you agree?" He nods. "As for the rest, I need to think about it. I mean, it's about much more than you and me, isn't it?" I continue, "Look. How about this? Let's do this again tomorrow. Kidnap me again. Ask me again. Give me the night to really think about it, and what it means. Tomorrow I'll know more." We exit the roller coaster and walk in silence absorbed in thought. We walk through the park the magic of our pretend game slowly fading. After Sam locks the front gates he shouts, "See you tomorrow, Funland!" I do the same.