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The Winter Soldier vs. Twitter (hashtag BuckRogers) by galwednesday
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
25 May 2016
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Summary
“Remember what I said about internet trolls?”
“Don’t feed the trolls.”
“Exactly. Did I not say the same thing to Barnes?” Tony asked rhetorically. “Were those not my exact words? I could have sworn they were, and yet.”
“Bucky’s feeding the trolls?”
“He’s throwing a goddamn seven-course troll banquet. Every time someone on Twitter asks if your relationship announcement is real, he replies. Colorfully.”
Steve opened his mouth to ask what “colorfully” meant, then caught the gleam in Tony’s eye and put two and two together. He blushed. Colorfully. “Oh.”
(Steve and Bucky announce their relationship in a very dignified press conference. Bucky then replies to every goddamn tweet asking him to confirm it with a different dirty euphemism. Things escalate from there.)
Series
- Part 1 of BuckRogers vs. the Internet
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Bookmark Notes:
@Barnest0rmer At 13:42, a reporter asks if their relationship is sexual, and Cap just says “yes” and then Bucky adds “frequently” FREQUENTLY Morch Madness @moritathemerrier
@Stucky_on_you @Barnest0rmer Cap actually cracked a smile for a second before he got his Serious Bizness face back in place. canon stan @Stucky_on_you
@moritathemerrier @Barnest0rmer That was more than a smile, that was a SMIRK. Captain America SMIRKED AT HIS BF’S DIRTY JOKE. ON CAMERA. Buckluck @Barnest0rmer
@Stucky_on_you @moritathemerrier This is the best thing that has ever happened to me
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Steve cleared his throat. “Well. Bucky can handle himself.” “I don’t doubt that, I really do not, but everyone seems to assume that since I taught you guys about the internet and set you up with tech, everything you do with it is my fault. Like when you spent three days fighting in the comments on every news article about the Winter Soldier trial instead of sleeping or eating--” “Yeah, I remember,” Steve interrupted, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. That hadn’t been his finest moment. After Tony had finally cut off his internet access and sent Thor and Clint to drag him to bed, Steve had slept for twenty hours straight. He’d woken up to find “Don’t Read the Comments” cross-stitch samplers hung on every wall of his apartment. He still sometimes needed the reminders. “Do you know how many times I got yelled at for that? Five.” Tony held up a hand and raised one finger for each name. “Hill, Coulson, Natasha, Fury, and Coulson again, with twice as much disappointment the second time around. I tried to tell them that I wasn’t to blame for your pig-headed determination to bring Justice and Righteousness to comment sections everywhere--”
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“Thanks, your support means a lot to me,” Steve shouted after him, because it was completely true, and because it would make Tony squirm to hear it. He might not have always known the word for it, but Steve had been trolling people since before Tony was born. “Whatever, Rogers, keep it in your pants!” Tony yelled back. “You’re a good friend!” “Ughhhhhh.” Tony lunged for the elevator. Steve smiled and drank the rest of his coffee in peace.
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Bucky wasn’t telling them anything more than what he and Steve had already agreed to disclose. His language was eye-catching, but didn’t actually give away any details. There was nothing out of bounds in confirming that they were having sex. Doing it colorfully was Bucky’s way of telling the people calling him and Steve liars to fuck off, and Steve couldn’t object to that. Bucky was just joining in on a conversation that would happen with or without his input. A conversation about their sex life. Happening in public. On the internet. The President could see those tweets. Steve groaned and pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head.
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“There are YouTube tutorials for unbuttoning a shirt with your mouth?” “There are YouTube tutorials for everything.” Steve couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from deep in his chest. The absurdity of Bucky picking up sex tips on YouTube, the sheer joy of having Bucky here with him, and his own awe at being so fucking lucky combined to make laughter inescapable. “Don’t laugh while I’m seducing you, Rogers, you’ll hurt my delicate fuckin’ feelings,” Bucky muttered, so of course Steve laughed again.
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“Bet you a dollar I can undo your zipper with my teeth.” Steve’s hips jerked involuntarily. “God bless the internet.”
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Fonduing
Having sex, especially with some dumb punk who’s way out of your league, but who doesn’t have the sense God gave a turnip, so he doesn’t realize it. "During World War II, Bucky and Steve fondued in half the barns in France." “You okay there, Stevie?” Bucky called cheerfully. “Just fine, thanks,” Steve shouted back. After a few fortifying moments, he lifted his head and picked up his phone again. You know who I am @Stark
Okay guys, fess up, who told Barnes about Urban Dictionary? @BuckyBarnes @SteveRogers the notorious JBB @BuckyBarnes
@Stark @SteveRogers darcy You know who I am @Stark
.@DarcyLou Dammit, Darcy @BuckyBarnes @SteveRogers DARCE ATTACK @DarcyLou
@Stark @BuckyBarnes @SteveRogers ;P Well, if Tony could jump into the conversation, why couldn’t Steve? Steve typed out a new tweet directly to Bucky. Steve Rogers @SteveRogers
@BuckyBarnes Are you actually adding new euphemisms to the dictionary now? What, did you finally run out?the notorious JBB @BuckyBarnes
.@SteveRogers you think you could do better? #bringitSteve covered his face with his hands. The whole world could see these.
But now Bucky was outright daring him.
Steve Rogers @SteveRogers
@BuckyBarnes You asked for it, bud. Just like you asked me to nail you like a loose floorboard last night. -
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REAL!!!
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