Chapter Text
The flowers surrounding the Sawamura home were of a large variety, judging from the vast amount of colours and size blooming across the lawn. Suga likes when there’s nothing to do in the Sawamura home after finishing all of the chores, so he can stare at the delicate plants that Daichi seems to tend to fairly well.
When Daichi caught him staring at the flowers through the kitchen window, he asked Suga if he wanted to look after them and water them. Suga had grinned, ecstatic Daichi let him touch the vibrant flowers the miner must appreciate, otherwise he wouldn’t have them around the home anymore. Suga can tell by the fond look he casted out the window this morning that those flowers bring back pleasant memories.
Ah, Suga did it again. He hesitates in his observing, with a shake of his head. He needs to stop unnecessarily thinking in circles and getting back to the one word he’s avoiding since Daichi’s tried speaking to him in bed a few days ago.
The word ‘memory’ seems to only bring a hindrance to Suga’s day to day actions. He breezily stands from his crouched position around the flowers, wiping his face with the back of his forearm as to avoid getting the dirt sticking on his garden gloves onto his face. He had been adding compost whilst observing the flowers, it was almost liberating in a way.
More of a distraction Suga quips to himself, feeling the bitter reminder of that annoying word in his brain again. His hazel eyes blink as he takes in the lavender colours of the flowers surrounding him. The front area of the home has a humble dirt path and large areas of flowerbeds surrounding the path on each side, taking up a larger chunk of the front lawn. There are a bundle of flowers especially prominent near the kitchen window, and Suga remembers Daichi looking at those certain types in the fondest manner.
Suga shuffles on his feet and almost wipes his hands on the borrowed pants of Daichi, requiring a belt to secure around his slightly smaller waist. He halfway in the action of wiping realizes his garden gloves are still on, so he takes them off hastily before patting his pants to ensure no dirt has gotten on much of the fabric. A few stray pieces stick here and there, but nothing some water and soap can’t handle.
The sun shines strongly against Suga’s head and he’s about to maybe grab a cup of water for himself since his face is starting to feel a little burnt from the sun, when he hears a voice from nearby addressing him, “Hello, dearie!”
Suga jolts a little from the sudden sound, the slight breeze of the wind being the only sound around him other than a few stray birds chirping. He turns to the voice, who seems to be a old woman with graying hair tightly gripping onto a wooden walking cane. Her shoulders are a little hunched but she’s smiling kindly in a friendly manner and Suga assumes Daichi must know this person for them to say hello. Suga is certain Daichi’s Grandmother had passed, from the way Daichi has spoken of her, so he suspects the woman must be a nearby neighbor of some sorts.
“Ah, h-hello,” Suga waves awkwardly, unsure of what to do with his hands now that he’s no longer crouched in front of the flowers.
“I didn’t mean to scare you dearie, I live nearby and thought I’d say hello.” The old woman pulls her grey-black hair behind her right ear, her blue gemmed earring sparkles in the sun of the afternoon from being jostled. She’s wearing a long dark blue skirt covering her toes and a white button up, her arms are thick and Suga idly thinks they’d be great at giving hugs.
Suddenly he recalls what Daichi said one time and asks, “Are you, perhaps...Asahi-san?” Daichi did mention a neighbor with that name once before.
She grins with her dark brown eyes shining prominently in the sunlight. “Yes sweetheart, I am,” she takes in the dirt on Suga’s pants with a knowing quirk of her lips, “Those are some nice flowers you’ve got there.”
Suga’s eyes snap to the flowers and back to the elderly woman, whose calm eyes seem fascinated by the colourful petals around her. Suga offers, “Yes, they sure are, um, maybe would you like to take one of these home?” He points at the flowers nearest to his feet, a vibrant red flower with many petals fluffing around the circular bright yellow head poking straight in the middle, holding them all together. Suga believes Asahi-san can see them from where she’s standing, that’s how vibrant the red truly is. He thinks Asahi-san would like to have a flower to keep for her own garden or to simply keep it in a vase for a little while. Suga crouches by the small flowers to get his point across and turns to gain an understanding of whether she wants these ones, he thinks they are pretty enough - in fact they pop up brightly despite not being as luxurious as the other flowers.
Asahi-san smiles in a way that Suga realizes is filled with melancholy, her eyes downcast with a shake of her head at the flowers, “Hm, not those hun, how ‘bout a few of those light pink peonies, my nephew very much likes those.”
Suga immediately heads to the light pink flowers and asks over his shoulder, “Do you want to plant it, or would you like to place it in a vase?”
“Oh dearie, a vase would be perfect, I think it would brighten up his day greatly,” Asahi-san comments, voice cracking a little towards the end. Suga cuts the peony and a little bit of worry settles in his chest, thinking it may be possible her nephew isn’t doing too well as of late. He decides he’ll mention this to Daichi later before smoothly standing to hand the peony to Asahi-san who’s still waiting on the road.
The woman is quite shorter than him, and appears a lot more tired up close. A worried line etches onto his forehead, “Are you alright walking the rest of the way? I can help you if you want!” He hopes he seems sincere enough for Asahi-san, he simply wants to ensure she gets back home safely, the road is quite uneven and he wonders why her nephew isn’t out here with her to help her back home.
She chortles in laughter, startling Suga once more, nearly jumping at the sudden loud but extremely happy tone, “No, no, are you worried about this old thing?!“ she points to her cane in her left hand, “It may look old, but trust me when I say it works! I’m not as frail as I look, don’t worry hun, it also looks like you’re quite busy.”
“Really, I’m not though, and I heard from Daichi it’s quite a long way so” -
“Honey, stop your worrying, or you’ll catch a stroke before me!” she then grins even wider than before, “That Daichi boy doesn’t just let anyone work on his flowers, you must be very close to him. A friend of Daichi-kun is a friend of mine, it’s nice to meet you, but I’ve got work of my own to finish also, so I’ll be leaving you to your gardening.” She stops briefly and points to some lilies nearby with a frown, “Those flowers are looking quite dehydrated, remember to water them a lot dear. The poor beauties, Daichi should be watching these ones near the front better. It leaves a lasting impression to look good at the front of the path.”
Suga takes in the state of the flowers and realizes they’re almost dropping from the lack of watering, which is uncharacteristic in comparison to the other flowers who are all standing tall and proud in a joyful manner. Suga pities the forgotten lilies and nods fervently, “I’ll make sure to do that right now. Thank you Asahi-san.”
“No, sweetheart, thank you for the flower. Have a good day!” Asahi-san brightly smiles before continuing on her moderate paced walk to her home. Suga supposes she doesn’t seem too shaky and decides if she wants to walk by herself, he can’t exactly go against her personal wishes.
He makes sure to water the lilies to the extent that Asahi-san seemed adamant on, while curiously questioning the state of Asahi-san’s nephew, why she looked sadly at the red flowers and why Daichi has been neglecting these poor lilies for so long?
Suga whispers to the lilies lightly, “don’t worry, you’ll be looking as nice as the other guys soon enough, just you wait.”
…
“DAICHI! EH, DAICHI!” an annoyed voice hollers in the dark mine. “ARE YOU FUCKING SLEEPING DOWN THERE?! GET YER HEAD OUTTA THE CLOUDS.”
Daichi’s head snaps up, fully realizing that Kinoshita is literally shrieking at him all the way from the main base. He finally picks up his lantern that he cast a few metres away onto the ground, relying solely on his intuition - which so far hasn’t done him any harm, and stretches the arm holding it towards the sound of the voice calling for him. In the long wounding mine, he can somewhat make out the silhouette of his co-worker.
“YES?” he shouts back in answer, “WHAT IS IT?” he cups his hand over his mouth with his free left hand in hopes of helping project his voice. But with Daichi’s strong unwavering tone, you would have to be deaf to not hear his voice in an empty mine. The echoing abilities were really a blessing for whenever Daichi had a sore throat and wasn’t in the mood to yell at the top of his lungs.
“Lunch! Get your ass up here!” the voice of Narita echoes down to him and Kinoshita adds, “And don’t take an hour like last time - you’re slower than usual Dai-kun~”
Daichi frowns deeply at the use of the annoying nickname, he opens his mouth to chastise them when Narita snorts and continues, “Yes, hurry up oh-so famous Dai-kun~! You’re the best miner ever~”
The laughter echoes loudly and Daichi refrains the urge to sigh loudly, because really he should be used to these two usual antics by now. But still that annoying nickname is completely unnecessary - he isn’t the little kid down the street anymore that begged for piggy-back rides dammit.
He begins retorting, “Will you guys” -
“KINOSHITA, NARITA! What the fuck are you two doing dilly dallying around here - if Daichi wants to work his ass off without food and die in there due to it, then let him! He doesn’t need to be babied by you two - go to your damn lunch breaks already!” a familiar new voice yells, Daichi lets out a breath of relief and smirks at the thought of the elderly man yelling at the two apprentices.
“But Nekomata-san, you’re doing the same thing.”
“Ya, you don’t need to tell us to eat too, then” -
“SHUT YER MOUTHHOLES AND GET MOVING DAMMIT!”
“Yes, sir!” the two yell in unison, and Daichi hears them scramble away as though Nekomata-san were a man eating demon himself.
Daichi pleasantly smiles at the silence welcoming him afterwards, but it washes away upon the realization he’s not going back to eat with Suga since for one he brought his lunch today, and two he started running out of excuses to use on his co-workers for leaving during break so much. Really, Daichi can only use the excuse of doing laundry or feeding Aya so many times before it starts getting suspicious. The result? Daichi told Suga he’ll stay at work for lunch, which Suga assured him in an extremely self-confident manner that Daichi shouldn’t fret and stay at work if it’s a hassle to walk there and back.
Daichi couldn’t bring himself to tell Suga that their afternoon lunches, and just having Suga around in general has been causing him to space out and act like he’s sleeping at work. He obviously still gets his work done - he just gets it all done slower than his usual speed, and with a lot less talking to his coworkers. It’s gotten Narita and Kinoshita sending him countless worried looks throughout the past few days. Luckily, Nekomata-san is always there to divert it all somehow, with his assertive and stern presence that get the others on edge and scurrying away, since he only comes to check up on who he’s paying to find priceless gems, and cares mainly about the income their work makes rather than making lasting friendly relationships. Not that Nekomata-san isn’t friendly, he’s just a lot more pickier, let’s say in his friendliness. His smile are often geared towards a more productive find at the mine than some great news about one of his workers personal lives.
Daichi heads back to the main base, his trolley of rock in tow with him on the tracks built in from generation to generation for a smoother walk back, with his mining tools fastened safely in his tool belt. This is where Daichi gets most of his workout from pushing the large weight of the rocks filling the trolley to the brim and at a moderate walking pace as well. By the time he hits the brighter area - but still fairly dark - of the main base, he’s breaking in a sweat and has to remove his safety helmet for a second to wipe his forehead quickly.
“Trolley three is safely filled to the brim,” he notifies Nekomata-san who walks up to him with a raise of one of his white eyebrows.
The old man scratches his chin as he stares into the trolley thoughtfully. “Hm. Good job then, seems like the others must be going drunk - you’re getting just as much rock as usual.”
“Sorry for my unresponsiveness sir.”
“No need Sawamura-kun, those other two are just idiots with giant egos.”
“HEY! We can hear you, you know!” Kinoshita barks and Daichi turns to their usual eating spot at the small wooden table set up in the most spacious part of their small mines. Narita seems to be gobbling up his bowl of noodles, too busy slurping them up to pay mind to what Nekomata-san is actually saying. Kinoshita adds, “and you may be the buyer of our stuff, but Narita and I run this gig, so you have no right!”
“Then maybe I should move villages and find a better mine?” Nekomata-san inquisitively asks.
“Where? Yeah, right, you say that every week - hah, good one!”
Nekomata-san turns and gives a small smile to Daichi and a pat on his shoulder, “Hmph, see you later Daichi, don’t gain idiot from being near these two so much.”
“We’re not idiots!” Narita calls after Nekomata-san who cackles loudly to himself on his way out. The old man pulls out a small notebook that he records the progress they’re all making in - Daichi thinks that’s what he records Nekomata-san could be writing poems for all he knew - he just never knows what to expect with such a mysterious old man. His grandfather knew Nekomata-san far better and even then their friendship was always somewhat close, but not so optimistic. They got along, but weren’t very great friends, Daichi’s grandfather was maybe even closer to a few of his neighbors than he was of Nekomata-san. The elderly man was still a mystery to this day.
Daichi notices Kinoshita’s lack of food, “Not eating lunch?” as he sits at the table where he left his lunch earlier. He opens it to smile at the assortment of sushi he prepared for lunch this morning for both himself and Suga. Narita looks on in seemingly envious eyes but doesn’t comment on Daichi’s mouthwatering lunch.
Kinoshita props his head in his hands, eyeing Daichi’s lunch from above in obvious hunger. “Ugh, actually, Emiko is coming by to drop mine off, since I woke up late this morning and couldn’t make my lunch in time.” He scratches his short brown hair in a mess from their work in the mines, definitely needing a brush through to tame spiky short hairs sticking out. Kinoshita blushes slightly and Daichi can’t help but grin at the joyous tint in his small eyes, it’s obvious the man is looking forward to his wife’s visit.
“Ah, that makes sense,” Daichi nods, attempting to hide a smile behind his hand as though he were talking while chewing his food.
“Oh, and I thinks she’s bringing the kids too, so that will be fun.”
Narita finishes slurping up a particularly long noodle, “Aw, you could’ve let me know before, my kids would have loved to come by and see the mine too!”
Kinoshita shrugs, “I’m sure they can come another time.”
“Just wake up as late as him,” Daichi quips, gaining a slight jab from Kinoshita’s elbow into his side. Daichi can only chuckle to himself, not holding back in displaying his large grin, before eating more from his neat bento deftly with his plain wooden chopsticks. Kinoshita and Narita exchange a look across from one another at the table and Daichi looks up from the silence asking, “What?”
They both shake their heads, Narita comments, “Nothing, speaking of kids, are you gonna settle down soon, Daichi - any cute girls at the market you’ve seen? My wife mentioned some girl is new at the crab seller across from her shop.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen that girl.”
Kinoshita points out, “That still doesn’t answer his question, Daichi.”
“Hun, are you guys pestering Daichi to settle down again, he’s only a 17 let the boy be,” a new voice interrupts along with some high pitched squealing noises coming from behind her. Daichi grins when he sees Kinoshita’s wife giving her husband an unimpressed expression before smiling kindly to Daichi, “I haven’t seen you in so long Daichi, it’s good to see you.”
Emiko’s smile has always been kind and genuine, seeing it from her now reminds him of how he used to look up to her like an older sister when he was younger, how she used to yell at the teenage Kinoshita for climbing a tree and convincing the much younger Daichi that it was a good idea at the time. Her hair had been longer back then, Emiko’s black straight hair now frames her face in a short bob that glints in the low lighting of the mine, her matching dark eyes appearing almost black but hardly as scary as when Daichi had been a kid.
“It’s been too long,” he responds quickly and she swiftly delivers her husband’s lunch onto the table and gives the man a quick peck on his forehead before hugging Narita and Daichi in greeting. Daichi can see a ridiculously large smile from the corner of his eye, Kinoshita’s ecstatic expression directed to his lunch rather than the true cause standing in violet coloured flats and wearing a simple long pink dress with short sleeves since the weather has been nothing but warm this entire week.
Narita pipes up, “People marry at 17! Hell, I married at 18, it’s only a year off! Plus we’re not telling him to marry, we’re telling him to at least go courting a girl or buy her some flowers or something.”
“Same thing, same thing,” Emiko idly remarks, bending over to pick up one of her younger kids and wiping her daughter’s face carefully, “Sweetheart, where’s your older brother, he hasn’t run off in the mines has he?” the little girl has Kinoshita’s brown hair, but darker in comparison, her smile is practically a mirror of Emiko’s as she squirms in her mother’s strong arms.
“He said he’s looking for treasure!” her daughter shouts loudly, Daichi cringes in response to the piercing yell of the young toddler, he wonders how Emiko’s eardrums haven’t blown out completely.
Kinoshita finishes his pieces of grilled mackerel quickly, “I’ll go looking for him,” he stands and grabs their daughter with a wide smile. “Hey kid, let’s play find your brother!”
“OU! I like this game, I play it all the time!”
“Good, you’re the expert then.”
Narita hollers, “Chika-chan’s the Master at finding him!”
Chika giggles loudly, “I’M THE MASTER!”
The mother sighs and comments quietly as Kinoshita leaves with her daughter, “quit fueling that ego of hers, she’ll become even more of a handful for us both.”
Narita pouts, “Hey, I have to deal with three boys at home - I can’t help but going soft on her.”
“Ah I bet you wish you had a girl,” she sighs as she takes Kinoshita’s spot at the table, Daichi finds it strangely normal despite her never sitting at their lunch table before.
“Yeah, but there’s no way of knowing for sure. We’re not having another one - three is enough already!”
“I’m done after two,” she deadpans, sounding exhausted, “Your wife is a miracle worker, and I truly mean it.”
“She really is,” he grins, “I don’t know how she covers the shop and the kids, it’s really crazy, but with Yukio talking now, he can help out a lot with the shop at the market, along with his older brother.”
“That’s nice to hear, so Daichi what’s been going on with you? Anything new happening?” she asks curiously. Daichi half expects her to make a comment about a girl and thankfully she doesn’t.
Daichi doesn’t lie he tells himself, he just leaves out facts, he isn’t sure why exactly, but the idea of mentioning Suga gets his heart racing oddly and he finds himself not wanting to mention him at all. He may be a little too paranoid about Suga’s safety, but he knows if Suga stays for a long while in this town he’ll have to mention him at some point.
Just not yet he tells himself.
“Oh, same thing as usual. Taking care of the flowerbeds and making sure Aya is comfortable at home.”
“Ah, Chika-chan wants to see Aya badly but I hear she’s not very friendly, Daichi?” she changes the conversation quickly, Daichi answers her truthfully with a smile but he can feel Narita’s eyes burning on his face from across the table. They fall into regular conversation after Kinoshita arrives back with his dirt covered son and the adults fall into familiar conversation that gets Daichi to calm down.
It may have been smarter to let them know about Suga, but the odd paranoia in his mind can’t seem to leave him. The night he found Suga keeps replaying in his mind and he clenches his hands into fists throughout work from his own frustrations. The bright blue light glowing from Suga as he fell burns into his memory whenever he closes his eyes - and the questions that flurry into his worrisome thoughts leave him even more frustrated than before.
...
Suga thinks to himself Daichi may be in a bad mood, because his smiles seem genuine, but Suga can’t help but question why his shoulders seem to be less confident and why the two of them seem to be barely holding a conversation properly. They’re almost finished eating their late dinner as usual and Suga can’t help but bring up what’s been bugging him since this afternoon.
“Ah, Daichi, I was tending to the flowers today and I noticed that the lilies were in really bad shape, did something happen to them?” Suga asks, he wonders if the flowers were just a bad batch of flowers or something, but the way Daichi shoulders go rigid and his chopsticks freeze in picking up another piece of fish tells Suga it is definitely more than a simple bad batch of flowers.
“I - Actually,” Daichi sounds upset, and not just any upset but actual anger, as though Suga had just slapped him across the face, when really he only thought they were speaking about flowers. It’s clearly much more serious from that, judging by the sharp angle of Daichi’s eyebrows and the frown gracing his features, “Just get rid of them. Don’t bring it up again.” The tanned boy stands abruptly and immediately heads outside for a walk and Suga can’t even form a coherent word, still shaking in shock of the furious gaze Daichi just gave him. He felt as though Daichi’s dark brown eyes were about to cut him in half from the sheer anger in them.
The boy sits down slowly back in his seat, somehow in the midst of Daichi suddenly standing to leave the house in a hurry, loud stomps echoing in the silence, Suga stood up in hopes of prodding Daichi for some answers of this escalating argument. The wave of shock fades and Suga is then left with his own thoughts in the quiet Sawamura home that feels far emptier than normal, even when Daichi leaves for work in the morning. Cause Suga knows Daichi leaves with a huge smile and a wave on his face or an innocent small smile and a hesitant embarrassed glance before saying a quick goodbye like on the first few days. Daichi never left with the question on Suga’s lips of whether he would even bother coming back.
Why would he when I’m sitting here? I am such a mess...I can’t even live normally for a few days without ruining things with a perfectly good person. Daichi is such a good person Suga thinks, he should be angry for Daichi snapping at him so suddenly, but the anger seemed warranted for an unknown reason Suga wasn’t aware of. The chances of Daichi talking about it are nonexistent - Suga will just listen to him and get rid of the lilies. Ignoring the question as to why Daichi didn’t get rid of them himself he stands to retrieve all their dirty dishes to wash them in silence.
Suga feels a pang of sadness towards the lilies he promised that they would get better, but shakes his head - Daichi wants them gone, so they’ll be gone. I’m the one who’s taking advantage of Daichi’s kindness for letting me stay, it’s the least I can do.
It’s only when he stares out the window after drying all the dishes that he remembers his talk with Asahi-san, recalling her figure standing on the dirt path Suga can see even if the sun is barely even on the horizon of the sky anymore. That’s when the reminder of Asahi-san’s nephew who may or may not be feeling well hits Suga and he feels so foolish for bringing up the lilies instead of Asahi-san’s conversation with him first. Suga felt at a loss of what to do.
He contemplates in the midst of getting lost in the barely visible colours of the flowerbeds, almost dancing in and out of the light. Watching them calms down his rapidly beating heart from his previous mess up and allows him to make a decision, one that he can agree with completely. “I don’t want Daichi to worry about it over nothing, I should go check on the Asahi family myself before mentioning it,” Suga nods to himself.
Aya quietly patters towards her cold fish on a small plate, silently eating her dinner and Suga thinks she’s a comforting presence even if she avoids his gaze every time he turns to catch a glimpse of her mesmerizing emerald green eyes.
...
Daichi is eyeing a mineral wearily, while internally going over the list in his head of the ones he’s supposed to be looking out for. Narita and Kinoshita are working similarly by his side, hacking through stones to find hidden gems beneath the cold exterior surfaces.
Kinoshita hums, “It’s like hunting for the perfect apple at the market.”
“Please, this is ten times harder,” Narita grumbles, after cracking open a particularly hard stone with a curse under his breath. Daichi calmly classifies the gem and places it in its corresponding pile. “Daichi always gets the good ones,” Narita continues in his grumbling.
“You got that right,” Kinoshita agrees with a rough nudge to Daichi who gives a silent disapproving glare in response to his rowdy coworkers.
“Maybe you two are just working slower today,” Daichi argues.
Kinoshita nudges Daichi again, getting an annoyed huff of disapproval this time. The culprit of the nudge grins innocently, “If anyone"s acting slow, its you. That was obviously a worthless gem and you took ten times longer to classify it, the question is, what exactly is plaguing your mind Daichi-kun?”
“I told you to quit calling me that,” Daichi ignores the question and roughly grabs the next piece of stone.
Kinoshita hums, “you’re not answering the question. Again. I think it’s becoming a bad habit of yours,” he elbows Daichi playfully, this time right into his waist and Daichi has had enough of this nonsense. He senses a vein bursting on his forehead.
“The one with the bad habit is you, with your unnecessary nudging!”
“I will argue it isn’t unnecessary and nudging isn’t a bad habit, right Narita?”
Narita sighs resignedly, “Ugh, it kinda gets annoying, but with Daichi it’s necessary to get him talking.”
“Talking about what, bad habits?!” Daichi retorts.
Narita points out, “No, the fact you’re acting slower than usual and inhibiting our usual work progress.”
Kinoshita nods feverishly, “Exactly!” Seeming to be hopping up and down in approval of his friend’s words, “That’s what I was saying!”
“You said nothing like that!” Daichi yells in annoyance.
“Quit ignoring our questions already and tell us what has been bothering you,” Narita replies, his voice smooth and strong, leaving no room for the younger boy to argue. Daichi finds his shoulders deflating as he eyes the new gem he just extracted. “Ugh, fine,” Daichi allows to mutter out and Kinoshita jumps up and down grinning and gives Narita an extremely loud high five that causes Daichi to cringe in even more annoyance of the two people to his right.
“So, what’s the problem?” Kinoshita asks eagerly, his short hair sticks up oddly from when he tried wiping dirt off of his face with his rolled up sleeve. Instead he has a giant smudge on his face, Daichi wonders if he looks equally as ridiculous, but already knows the answer from every time Suga laughed at him when he comes home. Except for last night.
Daichi’s stomach flips in uneasiness and guilt at the thought of his anger last night. He had apologized for snapping at Suga and reminded him that he didn’t want to talk about it, but it still left him with a sour taste in his mouth about the entire incident, as if he ate an entire lemon. There’s no way Daichi wants to think or even talk about those lilies and the reminder of his family and subsequently past experiences he would rather not remember at all. The idea of the lilies gets his blood boiling to his head in a far too obvious manner.
He knows what else has been bothering him, ever since Suga had lightly evaded talking about the incident that started Suga’s presence in his home from the very beginning.
“I-I’m having trouble getting someone to talk about something, they probably don’t want to talk about, but should, cause I know it’s been bothering them and making them feel unhappy,” Daichi tells his co workers, finding his voice cracking in between. He just wants Suga to let it off his chest and tell him the truth, so he can help him, that’s all.
Kinoshita scratches his chin after eyeing Narita with a knowing smile, “I think the best way to go is to wait until the person’s ready.” The two coworkers exchange knowing glances, to Daichi’s complete unawareness as he glares at the gem glittering in his large hands. He asks, “what if they’re never going to be ready? If they keep avoiding talking about it for too long, you can’t keep that inside for that long, that would be...”
Kinoshita sighs with a scratch of his head, “Yeah, you’re right, it won’t be good if she’s just trying to ignore what’s bothering her for a long time.”
Narita adds, “Or him,” he eyes Kinoshita for the slip up and he hastily agrees, “Or him!”
Daichi is still not paying attention, wondering if Suga will become ready to open up, but with how things have been going now it seems he’s going to ignore it ever happened and focus on doing tasks around the house to get his mind off of his troubles - Daichi doesn’t think ignoring the problem is the best way to go, it’s unhealthy to leave Suga like that alone in his thoughts, with no one to rely on.
Narita says, “How ‘bout opening up about something yourself, normally when you let something off your chest, someone else will feel the need to do the same as you.”
“I-I don’t like that idea, isn’t there another way I can get them to talk?” Daichi asks lamely, feeling a little put on the spot around his coworkers. The idea of talking about the lilies with Suga lights up in his mind and it gets his entire body feeling uncomfortable to be standing here at work, talking about this.
Kinoshita gives Daichi a disappointing look, “How do you expect them to open up, if you can’t do it yourself, huh? That’s super hypocritical man.”
Daichi struggles to come up with the right words, “I-I just didn’t expect to” -
“Listen, it’s good to get stuff off your chest too man, if it works for other people it will work with you,” Narita encourages Daichi with a smile and a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder, somehow the man had walked around Kinoshita during this entire discussion without him noticing.
Daichi sighs stubbornly with a frown at the gem in hands, he has never really talked to someone about his family so deeply, the idea of it sends him repelling away, his own physical body rejecting thoughts of it completely - he idly wonders if this is how Suga feels about talking to him.
“I-I’ll try to, how ‘bout that?” Daichi stutters out lightly, feeling his shoulders relax a little from talking to them about this. Despite their tendencies to run their mouths during work, they’re extremely reliable people.
Kinoshita is widely grinning from ear to ear, his eyes no longer seeming worried, but rather relieved Daichi is much better now. “Just get that shit off your chest man, we need our third best miner in top shape!”
“Third best? That’s such a compliment.”
“There’s no way I can put you higher than my wingman, Narita! You have a decade to catch up to our skill set.”
Narita comments, “that seems like an exaggeration.”
Daichi adds, “an extreme exaggeration, you didn’t even get through five of them yet.”
“Narita, how could you betray me?!”
...
“Listen Aya, it’s been how many days and you still refuse to come down when it’s just me at home? Come on, don’t be so mean!” Suga whines with a pout, it"s later in the day, near the time that Daichi arrives back home. He’s staring up at the multi-coloured cat in exasperation, while the said cat simply stares blankly to him before turning, practically having her butt facing him instead. Suga resists the urge to yell at her for her rude nature to him.
“This is ridiculous, Aya, and has been going on for far too long,” he remarks, his hazel eyes narrowing at her brown-orange tail effortlessly flicking this way and that, as though the cat were hypothetically flicking Suga away like he were some annoying fly. Well, Suga is anything but annoying - and he’s not going to let some cat continue acting so angrily towards him!
He tries bargaining, “I have done nothing wrong to you Aya, I have fed you, gave you water, checked up on you multiple times throughout these days to make sure you aren’t dead, but what are you doing?!” he frantically waves his arms at her, gesturing to the entire wardrobe she’s lying at the top of, like when he first met her sitting in Daichi’s bed and about to punch him for simply saving him from wolves - well Suga has never actually heard any wolves howling but that’s beside the point.
Aya casually starts licking her right front paw and Suga huffs angrily and roughly sits onto him the bed, deciding a stare down at an odd angle with Aya will be sufficient enough to win her over. He creates a mantra internally consisting of ‘don’t blink, don’t blink’ and ‘this cat is crazy, this cat is crazy’. He wouldn’t be so caught up in getting on Aya’s good side if she didn’t obviously like Daichi more and only come down from her Wardrobe of Solitude (Suga came up with the name himself and nearly wrote the name in permanent ink on the wardrobe itself, but thought Daichi would believe him to be even more of a hindrance if he did so - and obviously insane for naming a wardrobe) for Daichi or for food and water when Suga refilled it while Daichi was gone. It’s starting to get on Suga’s nerves.
It may also not help that him and Daichi got into that semi fight last night - that seemed less like a fight and more like Daichi briskly walking away instead of yelling at him and him coming back two hours later, with leaves in his messy short hair and a stiff back while apologies ran off his mouth. Suga nearly had a heart attack when he opened the door that night, thinking Daichi might be some leafy-sludge monster or a demon wanting to take his gemstone back - which he wouldn’t be surprised about, his weird necklace practically screamed ‘strange’, ‘foreign’, and ‘out of this dimension’ since it is an almost non-existent blue colour of a stone and the fact it glowed when Daichi found him makes him question things even further.
Suga’s eye nearly twitches closed and he catches himself, silently berating for worrying about the fight was that even called a fight if Daichi just sort of left? Is this how Daichi fights with people?! - no stop, focus on the match against this cat, he scolds himself. Aya so far has been unblinking and eyeing him in a manner that a normal individual would immediately turn their heads away from, her eyes were a little unnerving to look at directly - since he has been victim to her scratches and hisses on a few incidents where he attempted petting her. Bad decision on Suga’s part - he convinces himself he was simply being hopeful to divulge in some form of affection towards her, so that she would understand he liked her - but clearly she just didn’t want to be bothered by anyone.
I will change that, she’ll blink soon I know it!
“Suga, what are you doing?”
Suga blinks and jolts at the sudden voice and quickly turns to Daichi, the boy who obviously ruined his chance to win over Aya. “Daichi, I almost won!”
“Won what?” Daichi shuffles farther into the main room of the small home and notices Aya sitting on the wardrobe, “Were you playing a game with Aya?”
“YES! And you ruined it!” Suga accuses and with a sense of defeat lies down on the bed, his legs dangling over the edge. He stares at the ceiling, “your timing is the worst, I was trying to become friends with her.” Suga felt a little lightheaded and giddy, Daichi wasn’t angry and for once there wasn’t any tension around them from their previous ’fight.’
“You were trying to be friends with her?”
Suga lifts himself up with his arms, huffing some stray hairs out of is face, “Yes, why are you repeating what I” -
“By staring at her, you thought she’d become your friend.” Daichi doesn’t word it as a question and is instead smirking with a teasing look in his eyes, Suga pouts with a frown, “Well, what else am I supposed to do, I’ve tried everything else!”
Daichi shakes his head, “Hm, the thing is you can’t win with Aya - that’s the point.”
“Well, I’m not giving up, she has to at least acknowledge me at some point!” Suga points out, squinting accusingly at Aya.
Daichi chuckles while looking up at the cat with her head turned away, but looking at Daichi from the corner of her eye with obvious interest. Suga refrains the urge to be jealous of a moody cat’s attention. He smiles, “I think she does acknowledge you, just gotta understand the way she works, then she’ll let you be around her more, probably. I’m not one to talk when she still swats at me, though.”
Suga can’t help but snort, feeling a little embarrassed at first but not regretting it when Daichi laughs a little and rubs his face, “I guess she’s a lot worse to you though.” Suga has gotten used to Daichi coming home with a half dirtied face, looking as though he appeared from a swamp rather than a mine. His bad habit of rubbing his face never ceases to catch Suga’s eye and pull a smile to his lips.
Suga agrees, “You got that right.”
Then silence engulfs them and suddenly the air begins feeling tenser when Suga struggles to think of something else to say to keep the lighthearted mood going. Daichi seems to have realized it as well since he’s avoiding looking at Suga in the eye directly. It makes the ash haired boy bite his lip in frustration, somehow wishing Daichi would do that stupidly endearing rub at his face once again in hopes of bringing any lasting lightheartedness back.
“I-I’m going to check on dinner,” Suga states quickly, hopping from the bed and swiftly walking around Daichi and avoiding a usual brush of the shoulders on purpose. Suga suddenly feels a million miles away from Daichi rather than simply being in the kitchen checking on the pot of soup brewing.
...
They had been eating in silence since dinner started and Daichi feels as though the tense air is suffocating him. He can’t even sputter a few words out, or look up to check on Suga, he can only find himself slurping up the soup in a strange need to fill the silence. As if neither of them can fill the silence by simply opening one of their mouths and speaking their mind.
The warm soup, that should feel heartwarming and homey, instead seems bland and far too hot as though he’s about to burn his tongue off. He should likely blow onto it in order to cool it down like Suga deftly does every once in awhile, but he can’t seem to put the energy into that when his mind is thinking of a thousand words to say, but is unable to come up with a way to say them. He thinks Suga is angry with him - he should be, Daichi had blew up in his face for no reason.
The beautiful boy in front of him probably thought his apology this morning wasn’t genuine, or maybe he’s tired of being around a guy who’s living in a home that is a walking mine zone, for how many items that bring Daichi back to his unpleasant past. His life is still unpleasant - he lives alone with the ghost of his family breathing around him, while he just sits waiting around in the dust.
The soup feels as though it’s making his throat burn up, when he knows for certain it’s not spicy at all - ah, his throat is constricting again, he can’t even swallow his food properly without feeling the need to throw up.
Before he had lived life without really noticing his home, sleeping in it at night when he couldn’t see much of anything, arriving from a late shift at work so he can’t see which plants he waters, but deftly ignores a certain batch of flowers near the front, or not really spending much time eating in the mornings in favour of getting a head start to walk to work. It had worked, he didn’t see reminders of his Grandma through Suga’s waist being wrapped securely by her favourite belt, or Suga’s eyes catching onto the two old bowls he hadn’t used in years and forgot existed, or simply in the fact Suga’s back to him that night mirrored his own shaking small torso when he was so young and naive. All of this coming back to him is overwhelming - horrible - suffocating.
Daichi finishes the never-ending bowl of scorching hot soup and he finds himself staring accusingly at the bowl for leaving him nothing to do with his mouth so that he doesn’t need to talk. The miner internally scolds himself for avoiding the topic, maybe the light falling into the room from the setting sun is draining his confidence - without the dark to hide his expression he doesn’t think he’ll be able to speak about any of this. Daichi begins counting his heartbeats as he places his spoon into his bowl, taking a quick sip of water with a close of his eyes.
He’s at 60 heartbeats by the time Suga finishes and Daichi finally opens his mouth, he’s supposed to say sorry, or start off with the flowers, but his confidence wavers and he chickens out with a simple, “I’ll do the dishes.” He looks Suga dead in the eye for once out of this horrific dinner experience and Suga’s hazel eyes seem a muddy dark brown with the sun no longer streaming through the window and the darkness fully setting into the home.
Daichi idly thinks Suga is beautiful - he knows this, noticed it since the first time he laid eyes on Suga, but in the moment all he can recall was the laughter and refreshing smiles of their past dinners even if the incident happened only yesterday - Daichi’s heart beats wildly, almost painfully as Suga stands with a silent nod and leaves the table, back to him.
Suga is beautiful, but he’s most beautiful when he’s laughing, his eyes are crinkling, and his smile is spilling across his face - and suddenly this whole entire situation feels wrong.
The serious face of Suga and the fake hesitant smile he gave as he nodded felt wrong.
Daichi works quickly in cleaning the dishes, the motivation of talking to Suga crawling up his spine like some creepy spider on one of the walls. After setting the cutlery out to dry, and draining the sink, he heads straight out the kitchen to find Suga. He searches near the wardrobe where Aya still lies down regally, as though she were a queen looking down from her castle noticing Suga’s absence near it he immediately he snaps his head to the bed right by the window. The window’s closed and the curtains don’t pull over the bed, like it had when Suga woke up that day. The boy he’s planning to talk to lies soundly asleep in the light glare of the moonlight, back to Daichi, once more closed off from him completely.
Daichi knows he should leave Suga alone in his sleep, but he needs to know for certain the boy is really asleep and Daichi wouldn’t live with himself if he knew he could talk to Suga tonight and simply didn’t. Suga is asleep when he makes his way to Suga’s side of the bed, dark eyelashes spilling over pale cheeks and breath sounding even and relaxed. Daichi almost reaches out to touch the hair spilling in a silver white against the moonlight.
Instead, he walks away in order to slide into bed on the other side of Suga and stares at the ceiling for an hour, a million thoughts wafting through his mind before drifting into an uncomfortable slumber. He remembers tossing and turning a lot and a still unmoving presence at his back constantly.
...
Daichi was simply finishing up a quick breakfast, some slices of apple and rice, when he notices through the window that the lilies near the front path are completely missing, just as he had asked Suga. Which means the ash haired boy must have done it before he came home yesterday, he didn’t notice it when walking into the home late last evening, due to the thoughts of talking with Suga plaguing him relentlessly. His heart seizes up, his wide brown eyes locking on the bare dirt where the flowers once stood. It felt strange to not have them sitting there - dead and malnourished, but still there. Daichi didn’t expect for Suga to comply with his request so readily and he suddenly feels like his chest is about to collapse from lack of air.
He breathes in and out to calm himself, eyes unwavering on that one path of dirt he somehow can’t seem to ignore. Daichi merely takes a few breaths of air, in and out his nose to calm his shocked mind, before feeding Aya as he normally does every morning. The boy bends down to add some leftover fish to her small plate on the floor. He can make out Aya’s silhouette from the corner of his eye, waiting as per usual for him to finish giving her food.
Daichi nearly falls on his ass when Aya actually hops up beside him and begins to dig into her food, he decides to risk petting her head, and the normal swipe of her paw he expects never arrives. He can only stare in shock as he continues to lightly pet her head, when he attempts to scratch her ear she turns her head and he snatches his hand away before she can bite at him. Instead of chasing him away she gives him an unamused expression, before calmly eating once more. Daichi is assuming she’s unamused - since he blatantly tried itching her ear, but cat’s expressions are fairly hard to read for him.
“At least I’ve got some progress with you,” he mutters. Daichi bitterly thinks to himself that he can’t handle getting closer to a human but for some reason a cat he can lure into opening up. Then again, Aya took years to crack open like this - he doesn’t have years to help Suga, waiting years would just make the problem get bigger and bigger in Suga’s head. Like an insistent parasite that grows over time, latching onto an animal’s skin.
The same goes with my problem too Daichi thinks to berate himself - he needs to open up to Suga himself or else nothing will be solved. He walks through the main room and casts a glance over his shoulder at a sleeping Suga, curled up comfortably in the sheets. His eyes harden when he recognizes bags under the pale boy’s eyes, a light purple but still visible from Daichi’s angle - were those always there? Did he have trouble sleeping too?
His own eyes had bags underneath, his tanned skin made them far less noticeable, simply wrinkled lines in comparison to Suga’s almost bruised-looking purple. Daichi frowns all the way to work, unable to get his mind off those eyelashes cascading over a mix of purple and grey.
...
The two were eating silently, another awkward dinner Suga states in his head, he predicts Daichi will finish eating and push his plate away in about one minute judging by how much food is left on his plate. He might take a long drink of water, waiting for Suga to finish again, though this time Suga hopes he doesn’t since Daichi leaning back to chug down his drink at the end gives Suga a distracting view of his tanned neck that he’d rather not think about when he’s already struggling to keep up with Daichi’s lightening speed pace for eating.
It even seems faster than usual Suga observes mindlessly, forcing food in his mouth that he barely tastes over the questions and thoughts filling his mind.
Daichi pushes his plate away, an air of finality of dinner in the tense silence and Suga nearly spits out his food when the boy across from him says, “We need to talk,” as if they hadn’t been eating in silence for the past two dinners, including this spectacular one.
Suga realizes Daichi is looking at him expectantly so he stumbles to make a reply, “U-ugh, okay?”
“I’m talking to you regardless of whether you want to talk about it or not.” The tanned boy is crossing his arms and steadily eyeing Suga with a stony gaze, as if he expects Suga to start sprinting out the door, which Suga should really begin considering - he doubts what Daichi wants to talk about is Aya’s Wardrobe of Solitude; the stern gaze he’s getting from Daichi makes it painfully obvious, almost like a sick joke.
They’re going to talk about what’s been plaguing Suga’s mind and he can’t even get out of it, he clenches his hands on the table, “I already told you” -
“You’ll talk, okay? I’m doing the dishes.” And then Daichi is walking away to the sink, already scooping up Suga’s barely finished plate of food, along with his, leaving the ash haired boy feeling empty and at a loss of what to do with his hands. Suga is restless, he can’t help but glance at Daichi’s broad strong back moving slightly with every sweep of his arm at the plates being scrubbed clean with soap. The water crashing in the sink starts ringing in Suga’s ears and he tries to stop unconsciously tapping his foot in the midst of his uneasiness. Daichi seems to be the poster child of calm and collected from what Suga can tell, it gets Suga feeling irritated while he stares at the sturdy lines of Daichi’s back.
If only Suga could be as calm as Daichi, as grounded as Daichi, like some unwavering rock that won’t budge in the sand no matter how hard you try pulling it out. Meanwhile he can’t stop twitching in his uneasiness. Daichi continues washing the cutlery and Suga can’t sit at the table and wait for this ‘important conversation’ any longer - why can’t Daichi talk while at the sink anyways?!
Suga briskly heads out of the kitchen, sloppily curling into the bed and not bothering to change or brush his semi-knotted hair, he’ll deal with it in the morning. The two had finished dinner earlier and the sun is still setting through the window Suga is facing if he flits his eyes open long enough. His hands grip the sheets for something to hold onto and he tries to think of sleepy thoughts so he’ll go to sleep before this horrid conversation even begins. It feels surreal that he pretended to be asleep last night and fooled Daichi completely, it took a large effort to pull it off - Suga is only a great actor in the spur of certain moments. But this time he’s expecting an incoming blow - a large one at that; Daichi barreling into his personal worries, which technically aren’t any of his business - which gets him far too tense to even be capable of fake sleeping.
His heart beats erratically when Daichi makes his way over to the bed, strong footsteps giving his movements away instantly. Suga’s eyes flutter open immediately, knowing his act is incredibly obvious and even a boy as somewhat oblivious as Daichi, would be able to notice his fake sleeping in a heartbeat.
“Trying to fake sleep?” Daichi inquires, his voice is heavy and he can tell it’s laced in that obvious worry Suga was expecting.
“Maybe,” Suga lightly responds, he refuses to turn around to Daichi and witness those large blinking doe-like brown eyes that get his heart beating faster every time he looks straight at them. He tells himself it’s his nervousness about this entire ‘conversation’, that’s all.
“Hm,” Daichi pauses before slipping in beside Suga, under the sheets and a mere space away. Suga can already feel the heat wafting off of him, like it always does whenever he slips into bed beside Suga. He hides his face into the sheets even further, blocking his view of the curtains laying idly over the sun setting gradually.
Daichi smells like soap. For some reason the flowery scent makes him want to curl up even further into the sheets. Is it possible for him to just disappear off the face of earth? Suga sometimes wishes things could be that easy, to get him out of this situation.
Daichi says, “Hey. I noticed you moved the flowers.”
Suga visibly jolts at that comment, he doesn’t think he can even breathe properly as he quickly crashes out a response, “you wanted them gone so I got rid of them. Did you think I would really not listen to you?”
“No. It’s just I didn’t think you’d do it so quickly,” Daichi answers, he sounds honest and calm - Daichi’s always so calm. Suga’s practically a toddler barely able to stand on his own while Daichi can walk perfectly fine without a single glance of a person to help him - he feels so ridiculous when Daichi can be so calm and collected.
“I-I thought you wanted them gone,” Suga snaps, wondering where this sudden irritation sparked out of him. Daichi simply said he didn’t think he would do the task quickly, it wasn’t anything like that and Suga knows it.
“I did, I mean I do, I still want them gone. It’s just a little weird to see them not gradually leave, having them gone just like that was a little jarring when I noticed it.”
“So you miss them? I can get you” -
“No, I don’t need them, I - er,” Daichi seems to whisper something under his breath, Suga faintly thinks he hears a cuss, but he isn’t certain. He waits patiently, like Daichi does so often, it’s incredibly tedious and hard for him to not just berate to Daichi that he should just say whatever he needs to say already, but he holds back. The miner continues, voice breaking off, “t-those flowers, weren’t just flowers. They meant something, they meant a lot of things.”
“What kind of things?” Suga whispers barely able to hear his own voice over his pounding heart.
“My past, my family, my Grandmother made that garden and I-I treasure it, I really do,” Daichi sounds like he’s not calm - in fact he sounds uncertain, nervous, and a hint of scared and it shocks Suga to hear Daichi sound that broken up about a flowerbed. He can’t stop himself from turning to meet Daichi face to face - he had a feeling the boy was staring up at the ceiling again while he talked, but he wasn’t this time. Instead Suga’s met face to face with Daichi’s brown eyes, blinking back unshed tears and a sad smile, “I have stuff to get off my chest too, so I’m going to sound ridiculous right now, okay?”
Suga can only nod, he holds back the urge to crash into Daichi in a bone crushing hug or a gentle encouragement through a soft brush of hair behind Daichi’s ear or a flitting touch to the tanned smooth cheek that is just within the ash haired boy’s reach. He restrains himself and silently waits as Daichi rubs harshly against his eyes. Suga can tell Daichi is anything but comfortable about this and may be avoiding Suga’s gaze for a reason, he can’t judge Daichi at all for that, only clench the sheets harder in the tense air around them.
It wasn’t a tense and angry atmosphere like their past dinners, but on the brink of finally getting past the tenseness that seems to be almost evaporating away from them. Daichi starts, “I don’t want to spare you the unnecessary details of my family, but as you can tell - I live alone. My Grandparents didn’t live here when I was first born, they had a small home closer to the mine because of my Grandfather, but they had helped my parents build this home though, helped my Dad save up for the land. The point is not long after my Grandmother and my Mother got the idea to start that flower patch, it stemmed from under the window and got out of hand - m-my Grandma loved it, she did most of the work, so by the time I was born I already had a bunch of flowers beginning to grow in the front lawn.”
Daichi pauses and breathes out through his nose before opening his eyes to Suga, witnessing those worried hazel eyes and letting out the air from his lungs in a calming manner. “Sorry, those details are unnecessary - My mother told my Grandma she wanted lilies near the front of the house, they were my Mom’s favourite…”
Suga felt confused, his Mother’s favourite, why would he hate his mother’s favourite flower? Did she truthfully not like them at all? Suga focuses back on Daichi who seems to be losing track of what to say next. He’s frowning deeply, far more than Daichi’s ever frowned before Suga idly thinks, and it’s almost jarring to see an expression like that on the miner’s face.
Daichi shakes his head, before continuing, “my Grandma planted them, obviously as you know, I played a lot with my Mom when I was a toddler around those flowers, they’re the only happy memories I really have with her.” Suga refrains the urge to ask him what he means by that. “M-My Dad passed away in a mining accident, I was only a young toddler, a little five year old that barely knew the concept of death, but I thought my mom would be there for me, along with my Grandparents, but something-something changed in my mother. She wasn’t the same. She wouldn’t look me in the eyes and would send me out the door without her, when she normally would always watch over me like a hawk. She never step foot outside and rarely ate any dinner with me. My Grandparents began staying more often - it started feeling like they were my parents more than my mother ever was. Then the spring when I was six, I woke up and,” Daichi stops speaking, takes a breath of air before stonily continuing, “Mom was gone, I looked all around the house for her, I even tried looking in the forest after waiting for her for 5 hours in the flowerbeds. After checking the forest for who knows how long, I just sat in the flowerbeds staring at those s-stupid lilies, just waiting for her to come back and comment about how pretty they were, how much she loved them, how great I was at taking c-care of them. I went to bed crying myself to sleep, hungry and completely confused - I-I felt like no one wanted me anymore, that I did something wrong.”
Suga catches the way Daichi’s voice cracks at the end of his sentence and he knows he didn’t expect this - he didn’t know that not all of Daichi’s family had passed on, he only assumed so. But his mother, his own Mom just left Daichi willingly after her husband passed on. Daichi hates those flowers and Suga can’t find it in himself to like those flowers anymore either, all he can think of when he sees them is a crying young Daichi in the midst of vibrant small flowers, sitting alone on a hot spring day with the sun beating down on a sunburned face of a child who’s lost and confused.
Suga hugs Daichi now because he really doesn’t know what to do, and his body starts moving on it’s own accord, he whispers, “oh, Daichi, I-I’m” -
“Don’t apologize. I-It’s not you fault,” Daichi mutters and he slowly curls his arms into Suga, and continues while digging his face in Suga’s shoulder, “M-my Grandparents helped me, though. I grew up fine, Suga, well loved and happy with them. As a kid I didn’t understand my mother, I was saddened just thinking about her, my Grandma lied to me and told me she went away for a little while. But after I grew older she told me the truth of the matter, my Mom - she just couldn’t look at me anymore. My Grandma was never happy about how I viewed myself she always scolded me for blaming myself or thinking too much about what I could’ve done to stop her, but now I know,” he sighs, and lifts his head from Suga’s thin shoulder, “now I know I did nothing wrong and there’s nothing to change. It’s her choice, and her loss. So that’s why I acted so impulsively when you mentioned some dumb flowers I have a personal beef with. I never got rid of them because it was almost like giving in to the anger and getting rid of what she loved - getting rid of her. I-I’m sorry for being idiotic, and stupid and” -
“Shut up,” Suga chides, clenching his fingers at Daichi’s waist as though he could will away those terrible memories. Suga isn’t sure what else to say, but he mindlessly runs his mouth with his first thoughts anyways, “You’re not any of those things - it’s understandable why you acted like that. I didn’t know, but now I do and thank you, thank you for trusting me with that information.”
Daichi catches onto Suga’s eyes, his own eyes a little puffy from almost crying and Suga’s heart clenches at the sight of Daichi’s natural smile that spills gracefully onto his face and reaches his eyes. Suga feels warmer with his arms wrapping around Daichi and he can’t bring himself to let go. Daichi states, “I’ll admit, I didn’t plan on telling you this - I was completely against it,” he glances down at Suga thoughtfully, “but now that it’s off my chest…” He drops his head into Suga’s shoulder once again, hiding his face and breathing out while he tightens their hug, “I feel so much better.”
Suga unconsciously brushes his hands through Daichi’s short hair with a fond smile pulling to his lips, “I’m glad. Even if you didn’t initially want to tell me.” The miner jolts a little as Suga continues to stroke his thin fingers through short locks on the oily side from the lack of a bath and he freezes upon realizing his actions. He just started petting Daichi out of nowhere, how embarrassing. His hand stops and Daichi murmurs, “You don’t have to stop.”
Suga swears he can feel Daichi tighten his hold, around Suga’s slim waist, but he isn’t sure he’s becoming delusional with the heat rushing to his head and his heart speeding up even further. Daichi can definitely hear it now, but Daichi’s heartbeat isn’t calm either, beating as fast as his own, so he slowly relaxes back into his fond movements.
The ash haired boy’s not certain how long they sit there, holding one another, but it felt a like an eternity in Suga’s mind. He doesn’t smell soap anymore but rather the earthy scent of the forest and the lingering smell of dirt from the mines. It should bother him, but it’s so incredibly Daichi that he can’t seem to dislike the smell no matter how hard he tries.
“You told me all that so - so I’ll talk with you,” Suga mumbles out, his head now resting directly against Daichi’s definitely reddening ear, he couldn’t miss that bright red from a mile away. Suga ponders if it’s from walking in the sun this morning or if the calm boy is just as flustered as himself.
“You don’t have to, Suga.” the way Daichi says his name, Suga thinks he’ll never quite forget, his hands unconsciously start bunching up Daichi’s white button up once again, he can feel the warm smooth skin a spare piece of clothing away from Suga’s fingertips, he clenches the thin fabric even harder. His hands are going to wrinkle Daichi’s clothing beyond repair after this.
“I want to.”
Suga truly means this, he’s not uncertain or nervous, maybe scared to open his mouth and not scare Daichi off, but for some reason Daichi must recognize his irrational fear since he rubs Suga’s waist reassuringly; strong fingers brushing against his thin shirt’s fabric. The short reassuring touches almost tickle from their ghostly slow trails. Suga isn’t flustered but feels comforted and calmer. Almost as though he is gaining Daichi’s supreme ability to remain unwavering, he takes this feeling and latches on tightly, allowing himself to run with the adrenaline in his system while it lasts.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Daichi mumbles into his shoulder, the movement of lips definitely gets Suga’s mind to work, if not distracting it a little.
“O-okay,” Suga says, “Okay,” he’s nodding and delaying the talking and knows it, but Daichi said he can start when he wants so he’ll let his heart calm down a little beforehand. Once his heart is at a semi-normal pace, he continues, “I’m worried about a lot of things Daichi. So much I can’t even work it all out in my head. I don’t even know how to start this or what to bring up first. The one thing bothering me the most is I-I’m worried you don’t want me here anymore...”
Daichi leans away from Suga’s shoulder attempting to crane his neck and see Suga’s face, the ash haired boy can tell he’s frowning, “I already told you” -
“I know you did, I know what you said.”
“Then I’ll remind you again,” Daichi grabs at Suga’s face, not forcefully, incredibly carefully, as if Suga is a porcelain doll he can easily break into pieces. Suga readily follows the hand to stare directly into the warm irises that leave him lost on what to say. The miner doesn’t seem to mind the proximity, not flushing like he would’ve five seconds ago, but looks determined to speak his mind, on a silent mission of his own, “Suga, I told you already, I’ll help you and we’ll work together until you can remember so” -
Suga looks away from Daichi’s kind touch, unable to meet his eyes while he buries his face into the other boy’s broad shoulder, voice cracking, “I forgot who I am, Daichi.”
“That may be true but” -
Suga shakes his head against this warm sturdy shoulder, nose brushing harshly against the fabric. He suddenly lifts his head, “Daichi I don’t know who I am, I don’t even know why I’m here, and it’s all so scary and who do I even” -
“Don’t worry, you can trust me, you have me. And you do know yourself. You think you lost yourself but you haven’t, your memory doesn’t make you who you are Suga - it doesn’t define you.” Daichi thinks back to Suga’s teasing nature, his smiles, the way he literally attempted to win at a staring match against Aya, or how he sometimes hums to himself when doing the laundry or dishes. Suga knows who he is, even without any memories to grasp onto, he’s still Suga, and always will be.
“Sometimes… I think it does…” Suga pipes up, Daichi glances down at him, the tanned boy had got lost in his thought and forgot about the boy he’s holding in his arms, practically latching onto him in a bundle of uncertainty and worry. Daichi frowns at the unsteadiness in Suga’s voice, it’s unpleasant to his ears, he wants to fix this all. He wants to fix everything so that Suga doesn’t have to carry all of this burden on his own.
Daichi allows himself to simply rub Suga’s lower back soothingly, wanting to touch the ash hairs near his reach, but holding himself back in favour of calming Suga down. “Well, I don’t think it does, so don’t you dare ever think that I view you as someone who doesn’t know who they are because I can name multiple things that you are Suga and being lost or unsure about yourself isn’t one of them.” Suga looks directly up at him, his large eyes wide in surprise and Daichi continues softly, “You’re funny, helpful, you even fucking tease me until I feel like my head will blow off, so don’t start getting unsure of yourself - you’re going to keep going, and I’m going to be here for you every step of the way.”
Suga shoves his face in Daichi’s chest, “you say I’m the one who teases and you say all of that…”
“It’s revenge,” Daichi grins, hands secure around Suga’s waist, even with his legs tangling against someone else’s he feels strangely comfortable to be this close to the other boy.
Suga groans in Daichi’s chest, he can feel him pouting his lips in annoyance, “Ughh, I’m going to embarrass you tomorrow twice as much for this.”
“It would be worth it.”
“What? Seeing me get all worked up?” Suga lifts his head to eye Daichi wearily.
Daichi smiles coyly, eyes warm, “No getting you to smile again, it scares me seeing you not smiling and overthinking everything on your own.”
Suga sighs, “why do you always have to go and say such super nice things...god Daichi,” he lightly punches at the other boy’s stomach in retaliation, “Stop it.”
“Hm, no you do it to me all the time.” Daichi sounds incredibly amused and Suga can tell by the smirk gliding over his thick lips, the ash haired boy looks on in annoyance.
Suga groans, “Ughhh,” and then Daichi’s releasing his arms from their entangled hug and Suga follows due to courtesy rather than his own internal selfish feelings of wishing to continue their ridiculous position - he thinks it isn’t exactly typical of friends, let alone someone you have just met.
Daichi faces the ceiling and Suga’s body is strangely cold and bare without Daichi’s warm arms securely around his waist, anchoring him in a spot, the smaller boy shuffles back to his corner of the bed near the curtains. His eyes flutter open, realizing the sun is long gone and they’re bathed in the moonlight cascading through the white thin curtains, that one can see through easily. The smile on his lips doesn’t leave him while he attempts to sleep and even if he’s craving Daichi’s warmth like some especially addicting piece of food, he keeps his arms to himself and drifts to a near slumber comfortably.
The two boys mumble quiet good nights to one another and Suga fully decides while slipping into a calm sleep, that he needs to figure out what’s going on with Asahi-san, for Daichi’s sake at least.
I hope Asahi-san’s nephew is all right, please be a misunderstanding. I don’t want Daichi to worry.