Chapter Text
if you should ask then maybe they'd
tell you what i would say
true colours fly in blue and black
blue silken sky and burning flag
colours crash
collide in blood shot eyes
if i could, you know i would
if i could, i would
let it go…
March 15th 2009, 08:15
Brooklyn, New York
"Aden!" Clarke hollers up the stairs as she finishes packing her son's sandwich into the brown paper bag, "now! You're gonna be late for school!"
"Are we dealing with the living dead this morning?" Lexa chuckles as she bounds into the kitchen, showered and clean from her routine morning workout. Clarke rolls her eyes at her wife as Lexa steps forward and pulls her in for a dramatic kiss, causing the blonde to erupt into a fit of giggles against her lips.
"Good morning," Clarke whispers as they separate their lips just barely. Lexa chuckles and nods, pecking her again.
"Definitely good morning," the brunette sighs as she nuzzles her lover's neck. "I missed you when we were sleeping."
"You sap."
"You love me," Lexa jokes as she pulls back to grab an apple from the fruit bowl, "isn't that right, my queen?"
"Ew," Aden's grumbly voice snorts as he stumbles down the steps, half-awake and barely ready for the day. Lexa steps over to him and eyes him suspiciously, her eyes mockingly taking on a unimpressed expression. Aden glares up, sleepy-eyed and irritated at the mere thought of school, as he brushes past her.
"Hey kid," Lexa says as she nods her head to her son with a grin. Aden blinks up at her from where he slumps over at the counter. "Your shirt's on backwards."
Aden's eyes widen comically and Lexa bursts into a deep-bellied laugh as she walks over to tug her son into her arms, wrestling him playfully as he tries to fight back. Clarke watches on, bemused as Aden manages to tackle the trained soldier to the floor, effectively pinning her taller body under his own. Aden squeaks as Lexa pulls him down to her chest, her smile nearly splitting her face as she tousles his hair and kisses him, causing the boy to groan in exasperation.
"Mom!" He whines as Lexa leaves a particularly sloppy kiss to his cheek. "Mom, come on that's gross! I'm almost ten, I don't need kisses."
"Excuse me?" Lexa pulls away with a playful frown. "I don't care if you're sixty, you'll always need your Mom's kisses!"
"Ew," Aden giggles as Lexa growls and wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly again, "Mama can take my kisses."
"Is that so?" Lexa beams as she looks over her son's shoulder to where her wife looks on endearingly, a warm smile on her face. Immediately, Lexa's green eyes soften and she smiles dreamily at her wife, still unsure of how she managed to land her high school crush as her forever-after. She'd been a bumbling nerd all through high school, whereas Clarke always was in the more popular crowd. It wasn't until they'd been matched to be lab partners did the two click.
"You're doing it again," Aden grumbles from her chest. Lexa blinks down at him, confused. Aden only rolls his eyes and sighs.
"You're staring at Mama the way Old Man Harold stares at his cats," Aden giggles. Lexa frowns.
"Aden," she says sternly, "how many times have I told you--"
"That his name is Mr Greenway, yeah I know. He still has a lot of cats," Aden wrinkles his nose as he sighs against Lexa's chest. "He also smells kinda funny."
"Aden," Clarke scolds him this time, hiding her laugh as she looks upon the similarities between her son and her wife as they lie there on the wooden floors. "Now, come on. Both of you two need to get up and get ready to eat. I have an appointment at ten o'clock and you know how I feel about tardiness." It takes everything for both Lexa and Aden to not roll their eyes at each other as they both heave upwards to their feet. Aden straightens out his shirt before grabbing at the lukewarm bowl of oatmeal pushed towards him by his other mother. Lexa winds around the island to hold her wife, placing her hands over her stomach.
"She's nearly here," Lexa hums as she cups her palms over the protruding bulge from Clarke's stomach, "I can't wait to meet her."
"I wish you were going to be here," Clarke murmurs sadly, placing her own hands over Lexa's pair and squeezing softly. "I wish…"
"I know," Lexa mumbles sadly as Aden finishes up his breakfast and gives them a guarded, but mournful look as he quietly tells them he's going to brush his teeth and then be back down within a couple more minutes. Lexa gives him a genuine, warm smile and the worry on his face lifts slightly.
"I don't want to go either," Lexa replies as she pulls Clarke closer towards her, "but this is my last tour. Then I'm done. Jaha said so."
"I want it in writing."
"When I come back you'll get it," Lexa chuckles at the impatient tone in Clarke's voice, but her own laughter is a bit strangled. "I swear, I'm done."
"She'll be two months old when you get back," Clarke hums as she looks down at her stomach, "I wonder what she'll look like."
"I pray she looks like you, too. Aden got lucky. The kid's gonna be a lady-killer when he's older."
"Hush," Clarke scolds playfully as her cheeks take on a light pink hue. Lexa chuckles and kisses her hair, turning them slowly so that she can tilt her head downwards and allow their lips to meet after so long being apart. "He could be interested in men for all we know. Or both."
"Or neither," Lexa affirms as she kisses her wife slowly again, "but we can put a hold on that, he's still a kid."
"He grew up so quickly," Clarke whimpers against her mouth, feeling her hormones kicking in as she slumps against Lexa. "I don't want her to, either."
"Oh sweetheart," Lexa mumbles as she tugs her shuddering wife closer, "they'll always be kids in our eyes."
Clarke only glances down between them, where their hands are clasped over the new life soon to arrive, and she sighs achingly.
"I hope so."
=====
Clarke waits with Lexa in the sterile white room, glancing up at the posters that decorate the bland walls. Lexa's sitting rigidly beside her, hands loosely clasped in her lap as she flickers her gaze from the wall to the doors, and then to the windows. Her nose crinkles and the blonde sighs, reaching down to take her lover's slightly trembling fingers in her palm. She draws lines over the back of her wrists, catching a few of the scars that linger there. Lexa's gaze immediately darts down to her hands as she offers a measly smile in her wife's direction. The brunette leans over the bed and presses a soft kiss to her wife's lips.
"Sorry," Lexa mumbles guiltily as she squeezes Clarke's hand comfortingly, "old habits die hard."
"Did you talk to Anya about Dr Jarod?" Clarke cuts straight through to the chase, softening her voice when Lexa flinches.
"I don't need a shrink, Clarke."
"Maybe you don't," Clarke mumbles as she pecks Lexa's forehead, "but what about your sister?"
"Anya's tougher than I am."
"And you guard your feelings with a ten-foot titanium wall, Lexa."
"Fine," Lexa sighs in admission, hanging her head. "I… I'll look into it after I get back."
"You know I just want to help, right?" Clarke asks her softly, unsure if she'd crossed a line. They've talked about therapy many times before, but Lexa's never been able to open up the way that Clarke wants. She knows that professional help is something of routine for post-war veterans. She's seen the scars that line Lexa's body, but she's never been able to see the multitude of invisible markings that the older woman braces inside her weathered heart and scarred mind.
"I know," Lexa whispers as she kisses Clarke's brow, "I… I mean it, Clarke. After I get back, I'll buckle down. Anya, too. We need it."
Just as Clarke goes to answer, the door opens and in walks their gynaecologist, Dr Liu. The older woman wears a smile on her face as she greets them with a gentle welcome before pulling up the charts on her clipboard and sending a smile in Clarke's direction. Lexa erases the fear from her face and stoically sits up to listen to the doctor as she reads out the reports of Clarke's latests tests to make sure that when she does have to leave, Clarke is in good hands.
"The fetus is as at twenty weeks now as you know," Dr Liu grins as she rolls up Clarke's shirt to apply the jelly to her stomach. She rolls the ultrasound's sensor around until a greying blob appears on the screen. A small thumping sound can be heard from the machine as the doctor grins back at the happy couple.
"Strong and kicking," Dr Liu beams proudly as she zooms in on the heartbeat, "looks to be a very healthy baby."
"Our daughter," Lexa sighs in complete awe and Clarke blushes, squeezing her wife's hand tighter as she lifts it to kiss the back of her knuckles. "That's our baby in there, Clarke. Our little girl. Our Tris." Clarke grins at the excitement in Lexa's voice. It would seem weird to anyone else considering they've been down this road before with Aden, but to Lexa, new life is always what it is -- new. She cannot contain her emotions as she tears up at the ultrasound's image.
"She's gonna be a spirited one," Dr Liu muses as she feels a steady throb from the surface of Clarke's stomach, "maybe a soccer player."
"Oh God," Clarke moans as another kick hammers against her skin, "please not another one."
"I guess this one's taking after me too," Lexa chuckles as she kisses her grumpy wife's temple. "What can you do?"
"Let you deal with your clone children," Clarke retorts as she pouts in the stirrups, "next baby you're carrying, no questions."
"How about we deal with two first, love?"
"How convenient."
"Clarke," Lexa chuckles as she kisses the corner of her wife's mouth, "you know I kid, right? Get it… kid?"
"Why did I agree to marry you again?" Clarke mutters as she shakes her head and pushes Lexa's face away when the older woman waggles her brows and bursts into laughter. Dr Liu looks on with a bemused expression as she wipes off the jelly residue from Clarke's stomach and pulls her shirt back down.
"Because you love me," Lexa responds softly as Dr Liu leaves the room to get the picture of the ultrasound. Clarke's gaze softens as she nods.
"Because I love you," Clarke murmurs as she reaches up and pulls at Lexa's chin to draw her in for a kiss, "I really, really love you, Lexa."
=====
After they pick Aden up from school, reality sets back in.
It sinks into all of them that tomorrow is the day that reality hits.
Tomorrow, Clarke painstakingly realizes as she watches Lexa and Aden curled up and napping on the couch together, is the day Lexa flies out.
As if to agree with her agony, a thump against her stomach's skin pulls her back to the real world. She walks over to the couch and positions herself between her wife and child, wrapping her arms around the both of them so that their heads rest upon her shoulders. Lexa hums upon the contact, her arm automatically coming around to wrap her front and cradle her close in a protective manner. Clarke's eyes well with tears as she turns her head and kisses Lexa's scalp.
"Please come back," Clarke whispers as her voice croaks painfully, "I can't do this alone."
"Always," comes the faint murmur from Lexa's lips as she snuggles closer into Clarke's embrace. "I promise I'll come back for you… for them… for me."
"I love you," Clarke breathes into her hair shakily as Lexa blinks open her eyes and glances up to give Clarke a nod and then a kiss.
"I love you more," Lexa hums as she deepens their kiss. "More than the moon and the sun and the sky and all the stars. I love you, Clarke."
They gaze upon each other for a few moments before there's a knock at their door. Sighing, Lexa lightly ruffles Aden's hair, pulling him from the throes of sleep as she meanders off the couch with a final kiss to Clarke's lips. She walks over to the door, her socked feet gliding across the mahogany until she unlocks it and pulls it open to see a familiar face staring back at her with a grim smile on her face. Behind them stands a younger man and another shorter brunette.
"Anya," Lexa greets her sister as she beckons them into the house before nodding to the couple behind them, "Lincoln. Octavia."
"Good to see you too, Woods." Lexa smiles at Octavia's chipper mood, glad that for once someone was lightening it. Lincoln's hand remains at the small of his wife's back as they're lead into the house. Lexa shuts the door behind them as they make their way into the kitchen where Aden is helping set up the table.
"There's my favourite nephew," Anya beams as she pulls Aden into her arms and jostles him around a bit, causing the boy to laugh.
"I'm your only nephew!" Aden whines as Anya kisses the top of his head before squeezing him in a tight hug. "Aunt Anya, please--"
"Just think, kid," Octavia chimes in as she pries him away from his aunt to pull him into her own embrace, "you can do it to your little sister, too."
"Wait," Aden says as he makes the connection when Anya stands next to Lexa, "did you used to do that to Mom?"
"Used to?" Anya barks out a laugh as she side-eyes a frowning Lexa. "Kid, I still do. Watch."
Before Lexa has the chance to react, Anya sweeps her into a mock choke-hold and rubs her knuckles into her scalp in a noogie, laughing as Lexa growls and struggles in her grip. Aden giggles alongside his other mother as Lexa releases herself from the hold and traps her older sister in her own lock and wrestles her amicably. The two tousle for a bit before pulling apart and settling themselves down on the chairs where Lincoln has helped Clarke bring the food in.
They talk about their lives for awhile, of things outside this room and this state, of futures that are to come and bright things. Lincoln discusses his plans to retire and start school again so he can become a physical therapist working with veterans. Anya decides that she wants to travel the world and go on a spiritual adventure (which didn't pass without a snort from Lexa -- followed swiftly by a kick under the table to her shin by her wife). Lexa beams about Tris and Aden, about how she can't wait to come home and settle into the life of being a parent. Perhaps, she muses, she can take up literature and teach a few classes.
"So…," Octavia says solemnly after a bit of silence as she twirls her finger around the rim of the empty wine glass, "nine o'clock, huh."
Just like that, the mood falls back into reality. Aden drops his head a little as he looks over to Lexa with glazed eyes.
"It's only six months this time," Lexa offers as she gives her son a reassuring smile, "we'll be back soon. It'll be over before we know it."
"Yeah," Anya agrees as she rises with Clarke to grab the dishes and take them to the kitchen, "no time at all."
Lexa gives Clarke a worried glance but her wife just nods and silently assures her she's okay with her sitting and conversing with her cousin and his wife. Aden doesn't move, but looks more at ease when Lincoln pulls out a quarter and tells him about this new magic trick that he's learned. Anya carries in the heavier dishes and sets them in the sink, turning the tap on and reaching for the soap and sponge as Clarke grabs the towel. The blonde's eyes are distant, mournful.
"Clarke," Anya whispers her name as she watches Clarke grip the towel tighter in her grip, "it's gonna be okay. It's just like any other time."
"Then why… why do I have this churning in my gut?" Clarke chokes out as she looks to her sister-in-law in anger, "this… pit of despair?"
"You're pregnant and Lexa's not gonna be here when you deliver the baby. You're scared, Clarke, rightfully so, but I'm her sister. I know how much this whole family business means to her, even if I fully don't appreciate it," Anya cracks a smile as she explains to the younger blonde, placing a gentle hand on the trembling shoulder. "We're family. I won't let anything happen to her, I promise. Lexa comes back with me just like before. I'll bring her home safely."
Clarke shakes her head once, biting her lip as tears threaten to pool over in her eyes. Finally, she sighs and nods. "Please."
"I swear on my life," Anya whispers as she brings her in for a hug, gently placing Clarke's head upon her chest as she lets the younger woman sniffle out the beginning of her tears. "It'll be okay, Clarke. Just six months and then she's yours forever. Nothing can come between you two, you know it. I promise."
But, Clarke never realizes that in that moment, her promise was set to be broken.
=====
"Do you ever think about alternate realities?"
Lexa blinks away from setting the lock on her duffle bag before she glances to where Clarke is staring up at the ceiling in silence, glassy-eyed.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," Clarke whispers as Lexa slips into bed beside her and flicks off the light, "do you think about a reality in which you aren't…"
"… me?" Lexa finishes as Clarke fumbles on the words. There's no resentment in her tone, but Clarke nods sheepishly anyways. Lexa sighs.
"Sometimes," Lexa shrugs as she places her hands behind her head and tilts her chin upwards to stare at the plaster above them. "Sometimes I wish I was a librarian for some huge historical archive. Or maybe a museum curator. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a dolphin trainer though." Clarke chuckles at the last bit as Lexa throws her a goofy grin. The blonde shifts closer as she tucks her face into the nape of Lexa's neck, nosing the soft skin under her jaw.
"But," Lexa reminisces as she gazes lovingly at her spouse, "if I did, I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have fallen in love and gotten married. I wouldn't have a son and a daughter on the way. I would be someone different, and I don't think I could ever love that as much as who I am with you, Clarke." Lexa's eyes mist as she shifts so that she can gently roll her body atop Clarke's own, pinning the younger woman to the mattress with a soft grip. Clarke lets out an inaudible breath as Lexa leans down and captures their lips in a slow moving, warm and gentle kiss. At some point, their hands find each other in the fray.
"You're going to come back," Clarke breathes shakily as she feels those tears sting at her eyes again, "you have to come back."
"In this lifetime and the next," Lexa replies with another slow kiss, her free hand reaching for the hem of Clarke's nightshirt. "I'm yours, Clarke."
The whimper that leaves the blonde's lips is near excruciating to hear, one that is mangled with adoration and heartbreak in the same. Lexa firms up her grip upon the quivering fingers that are interlocked with her own as she pries off Clarke's shirt and then her pants, only breaking their grasp so she can quickly rid herself of her own clothing before they are nude against each other, simply lost in the sensation of skin upon skin. Clarke's free hand maps out the scars, tracing them and ingraining them into her mind so she may make peace with Lexa's duty to her people, to her family, to her country. Lexa's mouth marks up and over her left breast, just above her heart to reassure Clarke that the reason it beats will never stray, no matter how far from home she may be.
They make love slowly, like their first time. Hands wander and lips tingle in places that are too sensitive to be touched, but ache with a passionate fire to be taken anyways. Eyes search eyes, lips meet lips, fingers lock with fingers as they move together in the rhythm of a dance set to the beats of their hearts. Their hips thrust and pull back in tandem, full synchrony like this is their routine and the bedroom is their ballroom. A few tears slide down both their cheeks as the heat spreads like an inferno of pleasure and nostalgia, of the warmth of skin but the cold, bitter ache of what awaits them the next morning.
And with a quiet, soft cry, they come together in hushed pants and whimpers.
Lexa's head rests against Clarke's slick forehead as they catch their breathes, too afraid to open their eyes in the case that the moment is gone too soon, snatched from under their vulnerable bodies like a magic carpet and the genie they've been talking to has run out of wishes. But Clarke only has wish, as she feels up and down the rough expanse of Lexa's toned biceps and then over the splintered skin from a shrapnel wound from six years ago, and that is for Lexa to be safe. It does not matter to her if Clarke is in the picture -- maybe a little -- but her desire is drawn up from Lexa being alive and well, living and present.
Here, she realizes as Lexa kisses that spot over her heart again, she wants Lexa to be here.
"Soon," Lexa murmurs as she nuzzles Clarke's neck gently, tenderly, "we will, Clarke, soon."
Not soon enough.
March 16th 2009, 15:30
John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York
Lexa sits in the car with Anya and Clarke as they pull into the parking lot dedicated to military family. Aden is quiet in the backseat, staring out of the window while Anya sits rigid and tall in the back. They wait a few moments, watching as other family members walk alongside other members of different squadrons, all dressed in their uniforms and ready to go. Lexa takes a deep breath before glancing over at Clarke. She silently reaches between them for her wife's hand. Anya can see Clarke tensing from the backseat and gazes over to where Aden's eyes are misting with tears, too. He tries to be brave like his mother, stoic and unwavering, but even the strongest of men can break under a glass anvil. Swallowing thickly, Anya offers her best smile to her nephew, nudging him slightly.
"There's an ice cream truck by the pay-meter," she says as she points to the van by the blue boxes, "I bet they have that rocket-ship one you like."
Aden perks a little, which is to be expected because he's a kid. He doesn't understand some of the concepts of war, not yet at least. He just thinks that his mother is a hero that stops bad guys with her side-kick older sister, and for that Anya and Lexa are both grateful. Not all the decisions on the battlefield have been made heroically. Not all nightmares or scars or reflexes fade, but to Aden, his aunt and his sister are his idols. The thought causes an ache in Anya's chest, but she denies it, thinking that she can muster up the strength to be a good distraction to the boy while Lexa gives her final goodbye to her wife.
"I'll race you," Anya proposes again, unbuckling her seatbelt. "If you get there first, you can have two."
Any lingering trace of sadness on Aden's face is gone as he looks up to Clarke and Lexa for approval. The blonde nods and Lexa reaches back to ruffle his hair, taking the moment of distraction to mouth the words, 'thank you' to her older sister, who simply gives her back an understanding shrug. They've been here.
It's just another run, Anya convinces herself as she opens the car door, just one final tour and it's all over.
Lexa and Clarke watch as their son giggles, chasing after Anya until he beats her to the truck. Lexa gazes proudly, squeezing Clarke's hand again as she looks over to her wife. They both unbuckle their seat-belts but make no effort to move until finally a PA message comes over the speakers in the lot, indicating that the soldiers flights are due to leave in twenty minutes and its time for the final goodbyes. Clarke sucks in a worried breath as Lexa gives her a flimsy smile before kissing the back of her knuckles again, whispering soothing nothings until the blonde's heart rate has significantly calmed.
"Come on," Lexa whispers as they both settle themselves at the sight of Anya returning with Aden. "It's time, sweetheart."
Putting on the bravest face that she can muster, Clarke nods and they both step out of the car. In the distance, she spots Octavia giving Lincoln a tearful goodbye. The blonde's mouth dries instantly upon seeing the interaction, knowing that in a matter of minutes, she'll be in the same position. Luckily, Lexa's on her knees before Aden and her son is too enraptured by his mother to notice the slow tears that have accumulated in her glassy vision.
Before she can say anything, Anya reaches forward and pulls her into a hug, and Clarke latches on tightly. There's no one else that Clarke trusts more than the older blonde. Lexa and Anya grew up with next to nothing, and if it hadn't been for Anya, she isn't sure that there'd even be a Lexa for her to love. She burrows herself in the safety and warmth, the security and assurance of the older Woods' embrace, rubbing over the ridges in her spine as she lets out a soft whimper.
"We're gonna be okay," Anya murmurs as she holds Clarke closer to her body, "I swear, Clarke. We get through everything. This is no different."
"Bring her home," Clarke mutters back as she squeezes Anya tighter, "and come back with her. We both need you. Aden, too."
"Family," Anya chokes out a dry laugh, though her voice gets a bit strangled. "It's still a new concept, you know."
"Get with the times then," Clarke chuckles sadly as she lets her sister-in-law go and brushes away a few tears, "you know you're our family, An."
The two of them glance down at where Lexa is embracing a sobbing Aden, holding her son close to her chest as she presses her lips to his sandy hair. Those vibrant green eyes are brimming with sadness and longing as she mumbles sweet words into her son's ear. She rubs his back soothingly to ease the ache of his sobs and calm him. Behind them, there's another call for the soldiers to report to their assigned sectors, and Aden lets out a yelp when Lexa begins to pull away. Humming a song from her own childhood, she manages to soothe her son enough to allow them some space before she leans in and pecks his forehead.
"Be brave, my boy. Your Mama's gonna need you when I'm gone, can you help her?" Lexa asks softly, willing her voice to not crack. Aden sniffles but he nods, setting his jaw in the same facet he's always seen his mother do. Lexa smiles proudly, blinking back tears as she kisses his nose and then his cheek again.
"You take care of your little sister too, okay? She's gonna need her brother to protect her. No one can protect her better than you, my hero." Aden beams at the words as he throws himself forwards, whispering a promise with his goodbyes. They both exchange 'I love you's before parting ways so that Clarke can tug Lexa into her arms and Anya can say goodbye to her nephew. Lexa's head immediately finds Clarke's nape, taking shelter in the warmth and comfort there.
"I'll be back before you know it," Lexa assures her as she rubs her wife's back, "and the greatest homecoming gift will be waiting for me." Her palm skirts down between them before Lexa looks down and smiles, misty-eyed, at her stomach and takes a daring gulp of air to steady herself and set her emotions.
"If there's anything, you call Octavia. Don't be stubborn, love. Promise me," Lexa states the question rather than poses it as she glances back up. Clarke chokes down a whimper as she nods and draws Lexa in for a kiss, not caring of who sees. Lexa responds with such passion that they both nearly asphyxiate from the pressure and rushing of blood to their hearts. Their lungs ache and burn for air, but they keep their mouthes sealed together, knowing this is their only true form of healing and reassurance. Lexa takes strength from her wife and gives back stability, the mindset that Clarke will be okay and so will she, no matter the distance. And Clarke greedily accepts as Lexa deepens the kiss and dips her free hand lower on the small of her back until the final call comes in over the PA.
"Don't be a hero," Clarke whispers against her lover's lips, "I want you back safe and sound, Woods."
"I will," Lexa smiles as she pecks Clarke's lips and gives her one last hug, "I love you."
Clarke only nods and watches with teary eyes as Anya and Lexa grab their bags and sling them over their shoulders. Lexa turns her head once more, just in time to hear Clarke whisper the words, "I love you" right back at her. The brunette smiles and nods before passing the same sentiment down to her son. They watch until Lexa and Anya disappear behind the security bars and make their way onto the plane. Aden insists on watching the take-off and Clarke complies, no matter how much it causes more strain inside her own tortured heartstrings as the 747 roars down the runway and lifts off into the air, Afghanistan-bound.
Their drive home is silent.
June 20th 2009, 14:45
Tagab, Afghanistan
"It's a hot one out there," Gustus remarks as he looks to his captain with a dry laugh, wiping a bead of sweat from his face, "supposed to get hotter."
"Don't remind me," Lexa grumbles as she adjusts her scarf around her neck while they scope out the area of an abandoned village, searching for any potential terrorists hiding amidst the wreckage. Propping her HK416 up on the rocky ledge, she peers through the sights and tries to pick out some motion through the inverted crosshairs. She swivels the gun around and finds no activity, removing her sights from the weapon. She nods at her second lieutenant and they pack up the equipment surrounding them, preparing to head back to base. Lexa picks up her radio and selects the third frequency before pushing down on the button.
"First Lieutenant Woods," she speaks authoritatively into the microphone, "what's your status?"
There's a bit of a garbled static before Anya's scratchy voice picks up on the comms. "We had a few blows with some IDF but we're good."
"Injuries?" Lexa barks out, worried. There's some more interference before Anya's voice comes back, a bit stronger.
"Negative, Captain. They were just rebels, I think, nothing too heavy on weaponry. We're all set to head back to base on your command."
"Affirmative. Gus and I will meet you there. Safe travels, Lieutenant."
"Roger that, Captain. Reconvening at waypoint alpha."
Lexa pockets her radio and loads up her gun before slinging it over her back. She adjusts her pack and tightens her goggles as she feels a sandstorm settling in the distance. She motions to Gustus and he gets the message, leading them down the rift of the valleyed gorge until they're on lower ground. They trek an alternate route to the way they came to make sure that the sand covers their tracks before they make their way towards their temporary headquarters. It takes a few hours, longer than usual but it's not unexpected considering the heat and the weather conditions, but they reach the camp by dusk.
When they arrive, Anya is already there, waiting for them by the main tent. Gustus takes Lexa's pack and nods to Anya once in greeting before heading towards the armoury to restock the weapons. Lexa sees the apprehensive look on her sister's face and sighs, nodding at her to lead the way into the command tent. They enter and immediately, Lexa is shocked to see Colonel Jaha and Lieutenant Colonel Kane standing in uniform. Straightening her posture, Lexa gulps and salutes respectfully. Jaha gives her a smile that lets her know she can ease up on the formalities. Lexa relaxes her posture and drops her hand, but stays wary.
"Sir," she states politely, "with all due respect, what are you doing at Lash Vegas? Isn't this out of your district?"
"Everyone's district is my district," Jaha sighs tiredly as he rubs his brow, "besides, this is a matter of great importance. I need my best team."
Lexa waits a moment, unsure if he's meaning her or not. Kane offers a kind smile from behind the older man, nodding to relieve her of her suspicions.
"What can I do for you, sir?" Lexa asks as she rounds the table where maps are spread out and tablets are displaying a multitude of different images. Jaha hands her one copy of the maps before grabbing another so that he can point at a few circled red areas marked with exclamation points. Lexa frowns at the image.
"IEDs?" She asks, puzzled as she looks to the two men. "We're smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Why IEDs?"
"That's what we were wondering," Kane mutters as he steps forward to inspect the reports. "There's no sign of actual detonation, but we've received recon that they're priming the trucks now, not just the civvies. We've got three main conveys heading south towards Wazir. They're passing through Tagab, or are set to pass through the valley, in a few weeks. We think they're planning a hit on the city considering NATO and a few of the eighth regiment and some infantry stationed." Lexa frowns at the news and quickly does the calculations in her head, including the population of Wazir as well as Tagab, just in case.
"That's roughly eight thousand civvies and three thousand soldiers," Lexa says, seeking affirmation. She grimaces when Kane nods.
"Permission to speak freely, Captain?" Anya's voice pipes up from behind. Lexa's head does a quarter turn and she nods. Anya takes a step inwards and gestures to another spot on the map as she says, "we've scoped out this ridge over here a few weeks ago. It's only five clicks from the only road into the village. If they're going to come via Tagab then they're going to have to pass through this gorge here." Jaha narrows his gaze at the map before looking at the lieutenant.
"Are you suggesting a plan? You want to ambush the convoy?" Jaha asks, but Anya shakes her head.
"We don't have to blow the rigs sky-high," she says as she points to the opposite side of the ridge. "We just set up the spikes in the sand. With the refraction in the sunlight they won't be able to spot it. If the trucks can't move, they don't have their explosives. Even if they arm a civvie, it's not enough to take out eleven thousand people." Jaha, Lexa, and Kane mull over the alternative option and processes it. At last, Jaha and Kane turn to Lexa, backs ramrod straight.
"Your opinion, Captain? You're the leader of this regiment," Kane says as he looks at her with interest. Pulling her bottom lip into her mouth, Lexa bites down the worry of the risk and instead turns to Anya. The older woman is standing with a measure of respect, but fire lights her hazel eyes, one she knows too well.
"You're confident this is the spot?" Lexa asks with a stern voice. "It's a big risk, Lieutenant."
"I am, ma'am. One-hundred percent. There's no other entry into the village unless they skirt around, but then they'd be passing through us, regardless." Anya's gaze stays firm as she relays the information to her younger sister. Lexa takes a minute to calculate the odds in meeting the force with subtly and stealth vs. meeting them head on. Realizing that the latter would more than likely result in a bigger risk, she nods slowly and points to the spot on the map.
"We'll set out a perimeter and watch it. I'll send the recon team up north to get locations on that convoy. I'll get my marksmen and heavies to lay the spikes on the road. We'll intercept them before they can detonate in the village," Lexa states with authority. Jaha and Kane, seemingly pleased with the plan, nod and excuse themselves from the tent, letting the two sisters know that they'll be in touch via the radios and to expect further updates as the weeks progress.
As soon as they're gone, Lexa turns to Anya with a worried glance. "You're sure about this?"
"Positive," Anya says with a nod, "there's no other route unless they come through our HQ."
"And if they do…," Lexa trails off, her face paling slightly as she thinks about the lives of her men and women in this camp.
"So help us God," Anya mutters, finishing Lexa's thought as she exits the tent, leaving her sister alone to process her thoughts.
Lexa spends a few more moments in the tent reviewing her notes and schematics before she hears the tent flap being pulled back. Cocking her head, she sees Lincoln's warm smile staring back at her. He nods to the exit of the tent, eyes excited with happiness. A flame ignites in Lexa's heart at his jovial expression.
"We patched the cables to get some connection to the laptop," Lincoln says and Lexa smiles at the words, "Clarke's waiting on Skype. Princess is pissed."
"Why?" Lexa asks, eyes widening as she straightens and grips the band of her holster. "Is she--"
"She had a false contraction," Lincoln chuckles, easing Lexa's fears. "Thought it was an early labour, but it was really gas."
At this, Lexa's face scrunches up slightly. Lincoln shakes his head and beckons Lexa to join her in the barracks where her wife awaits. Her cousin has always been the go-to for Clarke since she'd first been deployed. Anya had been a bit more closed off but Lincoln was the empathetic one, the neutral voice when Clarke couldn't understand why Lexa wouldn't talk about certain things. He was the lawful good in the political and physical war between the desert and home. Anya always was more stubborn and hard-headed, claiming that Clarke couldn't possibly understand the gist of it, but then again, Lexa muses, she's Anya.
Nothing is more hard-headed than Anya, not even a bullet-proof helmet.
"All yours, Cap," Lincoln says kindly as he pulls back the tent flaps and points to the laptop in the corner of the room. "Good luck."
=====
"This kid is a nightmare, Lex," Clarke moans as soon as Lexa sits in front of her, dusty-haired and tan from the Afghanistan sun. "I want her out."
"Hello to you, too, my love," Lexa chuckles back as she peers through the fuzzy camera at her beautiful wife. "You look gorgeous."
"I am a whale," Clarke whines as she cups her stomach and groans as she feels another wave of gas overcome her. "A gassy, bloated, giant, whale."
"Only a few more weeks, baby, you've got this. She'll be before we know it, our little Tris." Lexa's voice softens over the signal and Clarke can't help but feel some of her irritation fade after a few seconds of simply staring at Lexa. Clarke keeps rubbing over her stomach, easing the fluttering kicks by her daughter.
"I miss you," Clarke whispers as she looks to the curve of her belly, "I wish you were here."
Lexa's eyes glaze over the pixelated screen and Clarke can see the struggle in her throat as she swallows thickly.
"I know," her wife replies in a choked up voice, "I miss you so much, baby. I want to come home to you and Aden as soon as I can."
"Only three more months," Clarke hums as she hugs her stomach closer, "I can't wait, baby. Neither can our baby, so it seems."
"She's kicking your ass still?" Lexa chuckles through the screen. Clarke scowls at her through the camera and shakes her head.
"What have I told you about language, Lexa?"
"Oh come on," Lexa wiggles her eyebrows as she jokes, "I'm a soldier. What else do you expect?"
"Our kids are going to have filthy mouthes just like you."
"Just like me?" Lexa scoffs in mock-disbelief. "You definitely swear way more than I do, Griff."
"Maybe it's because I'm a Woods now."
"Funny," Lexa jokes as she smiles endearingly at her wife. Clarke can't help but feel her heart speed up at the way Lexa's facial features relax, shedding some of the weight of her role leading her people from miles away. Before she can speak, she hears the front door open and footsteps racing up the steps. Clarke turns and smiles as Aden bounds into the room, still dressed in his soccer jersey and cleats. Mud tracks lead down the steps and Clarke frowns.
"Aden," she says as she groans at the mud on the newly-cleaned floors, "what have I told you about shoes in the house?"
"Oh," Aden realize with a sheepish blush as he looks to his feet, "sorry, Mama. I got excited when I heard you talking."
At the reasoning, Clarke can't find a bone in her body that lets her be mad at her son. Instead she just pats his arm and makes room on the bed so that he can squeeze up beside her. Learning his lesson quickly, Aden peels off his cleats before hopping onto the bed and grinning at the sight of his other mother. Lexa's face lights up when Aden's face comes onto the screen. Aden squeezes into Clarke's side and nearly squeaks at Lexa's mere presence.
"My handsome boy," Lexa beams as she leans in closer as if attempting to break through and join them on this side of the world, "how are you?"
"I'm good, Mom. I scored twice today in practice!" Aden beams as he grins at her. "Coach said I should try out for gold-level!"
"That's my son!" Lexa exclaims proudly. "You take after me, though you got your good-looks from your mother."
"Mom," Aden whines as he blushes again, causing Clarke to grin and kiss his head, "that's gross. Did you make heart-eyes at Mama while I was gone?"
"Heart-eyes?" Lexa asks in confusion, her own cheeks tinting slightly through the screen. "Buddy, who told you about heart-eyes?"
"Angelica from math class says that people make heart-eyes when they're in love," Aden recites the information like it's ordinal, "she said that it looks like how you look at Mama, or how Old Man -- I mean Mr Greenway looks at his cats. It means you really love that person… or I guess cats, in Mr Greenway's case. Can you be in love with a cat?" Aden ponders the question innocently and Lexa just smiles at his excitement. Clarke holds him tighter to her, grinning as he places his had on Clarke's stomach and feels for the odd fluttering of his little sister from within the confines of Clarke's womb. Lexa just stares on, taking it all in.
"Why don't you go wash up?" Clarke hums as she notices some people starting to enter the tent. "We'll get pizza tonight."
"I want Hawaiian," Aden says as he bounds off the bed. Clarke and Lexa both frown at the statement.
"Last I checked you hated Hawaiian, kiddo." Lexa's voice is nearly garbled through the speakers. The signal must be getting weaker. Aden just shrugs.
"Mom likes Hawaiian," Aden offers as a response before walking out the door, leaving the 'I miss you' unheard but still conveyed.
"I swear," Clarke muses as she hears the shower turning on as she faces Lexa again, "he's a carbon copy of you, babe."
"I'd say he's a fifty-fifty mix. The perfect blend," Lexa chuckles as she turns her head to see more soldiers walking in. Clarke sighs in despondency.
"How are things out there?" Clarke asks, not liking the way Lexa's eyes darken at the question. "Are you holding up?"
"As best we can," Lexa mumbles quietly, "there's not much else we can do. Doesn't help that it's bloody hot out here."
"Make sure you keep hydrated," Clarke rattles off, going into doctor-mode as she stares intently at her wife, now blurring and pixelating with the worsening signal, "eat lots of food high in fluids, like fruits if you can get them. You need electrolytes and protein. Cut back on the carbs and cover yourself up, babe. The last thing you need is skin cancer from all the godawful radiation you've been subjected to in the past few months. I want you home in one piece, alright?" Lexa raises her eyebrow at the strict words, and Clarke can hear a few chuckles from behind Lexa, causing the brunette to bark out a few sharp words.
A shiver tingles down Clarke's pine at the commanding tone and yeah… she really misses Lexa now.
"Clarke," Lexa's garbled voice comes back on the line, "the signal's cutting out… gotta… go… love…"
"I love you," Clarke blurts out as she sees the weakening connection signal on her application. "Promise me you'll please stay safe, Lex."
Even with the distorted image, Lexa manages to smile and confidently tell her, "I will."
Unbeknownst to Clarke, as the audio and visual cuts out, that is the first time Lexa Woods has ever lied.
July 14th 2009, 13:05
Somewhere in the Nangahar Province, Afghanistan
"Visuals?"
"Negative."
"Comm channels?"
"Dead, Cap."
"Give me the rundown of their payload again."
"Proxies and unknowns. Given that they're hooked to the trucks, it's gotta be big."
Lexa puts her binoculars down from where she'd been looking out into the deserted valley. The spikes have been laid out and her recon team has given her the signal that the convoy, four trucks and two cars strong, would be heading their way in an hour. The earth around the valley is relatively flat, so it confuses her that even with the mirage effect as a result of light refracting off the sand, that she cannot see the vehicles en-route. Pocketing the binoculars, she hops down from her ridge to look back at Gustus, who's still trying to pick up a signal on their dead radio to get in touch with the secondary team back at camp.
"Captain!" A young-sounding voice interrupts her thoughts, causing Lexa to turn. The man is about twenty-two, freshly shaven as he snaps a salute.
"At ease," she says as he runs up to her, sweaty and out of breath, "what is it, Specialist?"
"Permission to--"
"Please," Lexa says, waving him off to get him to speak his point. The man gulps fearfully as he wipes a bead of sweat from his brow.
"The convoy diverted the path back to HQ," he breathes out between huffs, "they're using target jammers to cut the radio frequencies."
"What?!" Lexa demands, eyes going wide as she steps up to the man, "you better not be lying, Specialist."
"I'm not," the man coughs as he wheezes more air into his lungs, "recon needed their fastest runner to send the signal. It's a trap. They bugged the meeting yesterday with the Colonel and the Lieutenant-Colonel. They diverted back and have civvies alongside their suicidal asses. They're gonna blow base-camp."
"Gustus," Lexa commands as she looks to the second-lieutenant with a worried, but still calm expression. Gustus doesn't even need to hear the words as nods and motions for the team to converge on their base-camp. Lexa slings her rifle from her back onto her shoulders, worriedly remembering that Anya's leading the secondary team back at HQ. Setting her motives straight, Lexa pushes down her emotions and focuses her energy in leading her people. Letting out a furious cry to the rest of her regiment, she leads the path with Gustus back down towards the primary camp where Lincoln and Anya are waiting.
=====
"Can you believe there's only two more months until they're back home?" Octavia says as she props her feet up on Clarke's coffee table. The blonde groans from beside her as she tenderly curls her hand over her stomach's curve, now more prominent than ever. She's nearing the due date in a few weeks, with little Tris soon on her way to becoming the new member of the Griffin-Woods household. The brunette beams from beside her as Clarke rubs her stomach.
"Excited to get the monster out?" Octavia chirps as she stuffs a handful of popcorn in her mouth while they continue their Netflix marathon. Clarke glares at her, but Octavia can see that it's more playful irritation than anything. Clarke rolls her eyes at her best friend's nonchalance, not bothering to fight her on it further.
"Ow," Clarke mutters as she feels a pain ripple through her side. Octavia arches a brow in concern, unsure if Clarke's pulling her leg or not.
"Clarke?" Octavia asks as she watches Clarke grimace again, tenderly rubbing the sharp pain in her stomach. "Yo, if you're kidding you better--"
"Ah God," Clarke practically hisses the silent prayer as suddenly, she feels the cushion beneath her soak in her own liquids. Octavia visibly blanches at the sight but snaps out of her daze when the blonde lets out another painfully low moan of agony. Octavia acts quickly, reaching for the phone as she dials her brother. Bellamy picks up right away, having just got off his shift at the station when Octavia growls at him that Clarke's baby is coming, that she's peed all over the couch, and that he needs to pick Aden up and bring him to the nearest hospital. She hangs up without him responding before rushing over to the couch.
"Do I need to get an ambulance or should I drive?" Octavia asks, unsure of how to help the woman in labour before her. Clarke chuckles in a low wheeze.
"You drive?" Clarke rasps out between ragged gasps. "I want to keep my daughter alive, not dead."
Octavia lets out a nervous laugh at the crack joke at her driving skill as she nods and picks up the phone to dial an ambulance. She waits beside her best friend, clutching her hand for dear life and giving her all the support in the world while the both of them know that there's only one other person that needs to be there more. Clarke's eyes are glazed over in both sadness and pain, but Octavia stays strong and clutches her hand closer to her lips and peppers kisses on the knuckles like she's seen Lexa do many times before when the blonde is in moments of doubt or weakness. Clarke knows that in any other situation it would be considered odd behaviour, but right now, with the baby they both worked so hard to get on its way, the flickering touches are the only reminder of her spouse.
"She's right here with you," Octavia hums into her knuckles, "she knows, Clarke. Lexa always knows."
Clarke just nods, focusing on her breathing as more pain rips through her like a tsunami.
Lexa always knows.
=====
Luckily for them, the terrain by car is uneven and rocky in comparison to being on foot.
The sounds of gunfire rattle over the edge of the final rift between the two groups, tearing up clouds of dust and sand. Screams and shouts of war commands can be heard in the distance, and Lexa finds herself nearly sighing in relief when she hears Anya and Lincoln giving directions from further up front. She tears her way through the tents and finds her sister and cousin propped up against the back of a jeep, reloading their weapons. She looks back at Gustus, who nods and pops his head up from the cover of the rocks to provide covering fire as she keeps low and slides in beside her relatives.
"What the fuck happened?" Anya demands as she sees Lexa prop up against the side of the truck. "The convoy--"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Lexa cuts her off as she tries to get a visual of their battlefield, "it's a trap. Conversation was bugged."
"Fuck," Anya swears as she loads another magazine before popping up and taking out a few of the enemy militia. "They brought a squad."
"What's the fire power on those bombs?" Lexa screams over the gunfire as she makes out the first of the four trucks paving their way through the ravine in their general direction. Anya shakes her head, letting her know that she's unsure. She goes to duck her head up again but Lincoln reaches out and swiftly pulls her down. As she goes to protest, the three of them are jostled against the jeep by the fizzing of a bazuka-head flying over their heads, barely missing them as they explode in one of the tents behind the soldiers. Lexa clears the ringing from her ears, a bit more aware of the fire-power the enemy possesses.
"They came prepared," Lincoln mutters as he reloads his M4 Carbine and ducks his head out to get a read of the enemies. "Two left-flank, four right."
"I got right," Lexa says without taking no for an answer. Anya goes to protest but Lincoln pulls her back and pops up to provide his captain with covering fire until she reaches a safe point on the other side of the camp. Lexa power-slides behind a set of rocks, hissing when a bullet nicks her right ear and splatters blood on the dusty sand. She scrambles for cover and cups her bleeding ear, clenching her teeth to get rid of the hot sting that throbs down her neck.
Taking a minute to collect herself, Lexa ducks out of cover and levels her sights, shooting down two of the four targets with precise aim before hopping back down when the barrage of fire continues. Reloading a magazine into her rifle, Lexa waits until the signature 'click' of the enemy's weapon being emptied before she comes back up to mow down the rest of them. Noticing that more trucks are inbound, Lexa quickly reaches for her radio and pulls herself into cover.
"Reading all units under Regiment Five-C, I've got more vehicles inbound," she yells into the receiver as gunfire ensues once more, "VBIED unconfirmed. Hostiles are inbound, I repeat, hostiles inbound." Lexa peeks around the corner, trying to ignore how the dead body next to her has been slowly bleeding out and staining her boots crimson, as she gets a read on how many targets are approaching. The cars barely screech into view before she ducks behind the rocks.
"Unconfirmed total, counted fourteen on right flank, forty-five degrees northeast of base-camp. Eight confirmed targets heading southwest towards the armoury," she lists as she closes her eyes to make sure she'd counted right before ordering, "I want all available units converging on waypoint alpha."
A signal of 'copy that's erupt from the speaker as Lexa pockets the radio and looks across the blood-soaked sand to where Anya and Lincoln are still propped up against the jeep. She barely makes eye-contact with her sister before the gunfire stills. Frowning, Lexa knows that there hadn't been enough shots to target the enemy soldiers. Turning her head around the rock, she looks at the scene before her, only for her heart to sink to her stomach at the sight.
All of the soldiers are standing with their guns drawn, but aren't moving. They're all muttering things under their breaths, holding their guns close as they eyes remained flickered shit with their heads bowed. Frowning, Lexa peeks her head up a bit more until the connection finally clicks in her brain. Her eyes widen in horror as she stands just as the soldiers open their eyes and place their hands inside their jacket sleeves, reaching for a mechanism. Eerie, almost calm smiles paint their faces as they stare at Lexa's stiffened form. Anya catches the fearful expression before her sister has the time to get the words out, but it's too late.
All that comes next are screams.
=====
The howls leaving her throat threaten to tear her larynx out from her esophagus.
"Push!" Dr Liu yells at her from beneath the white sheet between her legs. "I can see the head, Clarke, you're so close, just push."
"I can't," Clarke wheezes as she pitifully cries into Octavia's hands, "I want Lexa, oh God it hurts."
"You've got this, Clarke, come on just listen to the doc. Push," Octavia urges with a trembling voice, "come on, do it for Lexa."
For Lexa, Clarke reminds herself, for the woman that's coming home in two months, who's fighting for all of them.
For Lexa, the woman who stole her heart and gave up her own.
For Lexa, her everything.
With terrifying yowl of sheer agony, Clarke leans forwards and gives one last push, feeling the movement tearing the insides of her walls apart like knives as she hears the encouraging shouts from both Dr Liu and Octavia. As soon as the last sensation of hardness leaving her lower lips ceases, Clarke collapses against the damp sheets of the hospital bed, exhausted. Tears slip down her cheeks as she hears Dr Liu handing the baby off to a midwife as the umbilical cord is cut. At first, she's so dull from the searing pain that she doesn't recognize the silence that has befallen the room. Her eyes blur with tears as she looks to Dr Liu.
"S-She didn't cry," Clarke gasps as she inches forward with a horrified expression, "Tris, she didn't cry--"
"I need you to relax, Clarke. Everything is under control," Dr Liu tells her gently, her voice the epitome of calm. "Tris' lungs got filled with fluid. She's not breathing but we're working on her. I need you to relax. We need to stitch you up or else you're going to haemorrhage out. Please stay calm, okay?"
"Tris," Clarke wheezes, unable to focus on anything else but her daughter, "no, I need my baby. I need Tris. Lexa!"
"Clarke," Octavia's voice centres her as she starts to panic on the bed. "Clarke, look at me, you need to calm down. Lexa's not here."
"Lexa," Clarke moans fitfully, ignoring Octavia's soothing hums and gentle brushes of her fingertips in her sweaty scalp. "I want Lexa!"
"Sedate her," Dr Liu orders sternly as she pulls her bloodied gloves from under the blonde's sheet. "I need her knocked out, now."
Clarke manages only one last, feeble 'Lexa' before all she sees is black.
=====
Lexa's entire head spins as she feels her body start to come back into itself but the ringing doesn't cease.
Something sharp is jabbing into her leg, but she can't feel the wound as much as she knows she should. Blinking twice to get rid of the white spots dancing in her vision as a result of her rods being bleached by the blinding light, she finally manages to focus back on the chaos of the battlefield. Her entire uniform is covered in the gory guts and blood of enemy soldiers that had taken the suicidal routes to remove many of her good working men and women. Lexa heaves herself up from the ground, shocked to see that the four trucks and two cars are still in place, despite the many men now obliterated by the force of their explosions. As she stands, she can't help but cough at the wet clod of blood that gets stuck in her throat. She spits it out before looking around.
"Lexa!" Anya's voice hollers out from the rocky covering a few paces behind the jeep. Lexa turns slowly, still disorientated heavily by the sights and sound of the massive explosion, relieved to find both her and Lincoln relatively unharmed considering the situation. Lincoln's crouching beside her sister, who's leaned against the rock face with a grimace on her face. Lexa barely stumbles over to them and nearly trips when she sees who her cousin is tending to.
Tears mist in her eyes when she sees the bloodied patch of mangled organs practically seeping out from Gustus as he lies upon the crimson sand. His eyes, fleeting and grey, flit over to her own and she gulps down the fear as he purses his lips, causing more blood to ooze from his cracked lips and to the floor.
"Be strong," he whispers to her as his head falls back to the earth. Lexa bites back a growl as tears stain her eyes. She reaches for her radio.
"Regiment Five-C," she hoarsely gasps into the radio, "status report on all sectors, now."
"Multiple casualties across the delta sector, unable to withstand heat."
"Fourteen fatalities reported at waypoint alpha, Captain."
"We're taking heavy fire at the valley, too. Requesting medical-evacuation and ground assistance immediately."
Lexa clutches the radio in her hands and looks over to the field of massacred body parts and strung apart organs to see more men arriving in trucks, armed and ready. Turning back around, Lexa takes stock of the remainder of her squadron, of the men and women that had pledged to serve her, the men and women who have died as a result of the poor call she'd made. Steeling herself, Lexa weighs her options and knows that there's only one. She swallows and looks back to the image over the sandy dunes where the enemies are closer to approaching the battlefield. Taking a deep breath, she turns to face Anya and Lincoln.
"All units fall back to give assistance at the valley," she orders them into the radio, ignoring the way Anya's eyes furiously widen in horror. "Base-camp is a casualty, I repeat, do not return to HQ. Convene at the valley and hold the rest of them off. Do not let the foot soldiers or the VBIED into Wazir." Lexa pockets the radio, not bothering to wait for the responses as she limps over to Anya and Lincoln. The rest of the squad is already forming up around them, awaiting their next orders. Lexa nods to Lincoln, but her cousin shakes his head as well, adamant on not letting her go so easily.
"Those trucks get through and tens of thousands of people will die," Lexa hisses before they can say anything. "We are the only thing in the way of preventing that from happening. You know how rank works. You question me on anything you want but you will not question me on this, understood?!" Anya bounds forward but Lexa shakes her head, barely noticing the blood dripping down her skull and slipping in between her cracked lips. The iron is bitter against her tongue as she turns her head over her shoulder to see the men fast approaching, yelling things in Pashto that she knows don't mean well for her people.
"What are your orders?" Anya asks as she looks around, still displeased. Lexa nods at the other soldiers, bare for the medic tending to a luckily still-breathing Gustus, and they get the message, falling back to go join the others at the valley fire-fight. Anya shakes her head as she reaches out and grabs at Lexa's arm.
"I'm not leaving you here," Anya tells her determinedly, "you have a fucking wife and kids, if someone has to take the shot, it's gotta be me."
"Don't," Lexa hisses as she points down to the shrapnel that had somehow lodged into her thigh from the first explosion, "I need a commanding officer at the valley. I can't get there in time. You can. You and Lincoln take Gustus out and get him medical attention. I need you to do this, Anya. You are second-in-command." Anya shakes her head, watching with fear as more soldiers make their way over the footfalls towards their camp.
"I'm your sister first, goddammit!" Anya screams when Lexa tries to tear herself away. "I made Clarke a promise, Lexa. I said I'd bring you back safe."
Lexa pauses, head bowed into her chest before she turns to face her older sister, glassy-eyed. "I know. So did I."
"Then we're keeping it," Anya growls as she pulls Lexa back into her grasp, "let me take the shot. I won't lose you."
"No," Lexa whispers as she readjusts Anya's rifle in her hands as she the soldiers start pouring into the clearing. "You and Lincoln need to cover my ass until I can get close enough to those trucks." Anya's gaze waters as she shakes her head furiously, but Lexa's grip upon her shoulders is strong, unwavering.
"I love you," Lexa tells her with a mournful croak, "but this is the only way and you know it."
"I can't let you die," Anya gasps as she looks to an equally saddened, but somehow more understanding, Lincoln. "I won't… I can't…"
"You get our people out of here as soon as these trucks go off," Lexa growls, shoving the radio into her hands as she fights back hot tears. "Okay, Anya? You're the only one that can get them out after this is over. Get Gustus out of here and get our people to safety. That's our objective. We're leaders first, An."
"Clarke told you not to be a hero, Lexa," Anya chokes out as Lexa pulls her into a bone-crushing hug, tears steadily streaming down both their faces now as they are given the last few minutes to feel each other, to take in each other's scent, however blood-addled and gruesome, because they know that this is the end. "I fucking promised her that I'd bring you back alive and I fucking will. I… I won't leave you here. We go back together. We're sisters." Anya buries her nose into Lexa's neck and sobs as the younger woman squeezes her tighter. Anya's eyes trace over the men approaching with their guns raised and she growls.
"Take care of Clarke for me, okay?" Lexa whispers softly, her voice growing slower as she closes her eyes and thinks of Aden and Clarke, of their little girl, Tris, whom she would never have a chance to meet. "Aden and Tris, too. I need you to be there for them, please. An, you took care of me, please take care of them. They're your family now. Tell Clarke that I love her, that I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I… I wish there was another way, but we have to protect our own." Anya grips her younger sister tighter in her arms, ignoring the shard of agony pressing into her heart with each choked sob leaving her lips when Lexa pulls away. The younger woman's eyes soften, and for a moment Anya doesn't believe that they're in a war-zone. All she sees is the girl she protected her entire life.
All she sees is Lexa, strong, resilient, heroic, brave Lexa.
"Please," Lexa begs as she fights the urge to cry, "please, Anya, don't leave my wife and kids."
"I won't," Anya mournfully submits as she leans her forehead against Lexa's clammy and bloodied own, "fuck, I promise I won't."
"Thank you," Lexa whispers with a smile, "thank you for everything, Anya. I love you."
"God… I…," Anya whimpers as she pulls Lexa in for one last hug, "I love you too, baby sis. Never forget that." Lexa allows herself the brief moment of comfort in Anya's strong fingers threading soothingly through the baby curls at the back of her neck, coupled with the soft kisses to her cheek and undamaged ear.
But the moment is over just as quickly as it begins and Lexa forces herself to pull away before she gives similar teary-eyed goodbyes to Lincoln, who looks as stricken as her older sister at her decision, but Lexa knows that he can see that there are no other alternatives. Their farewell is short and sweet as Lexa picks up her rifle and makes her way over to the first piece of covering. Anya and Lincoln square their jaws and take their own positions, loading up their rifles just as the first few armed soldiers make their way down the ravine and into the battlefield. Lexa keeps her stare on her siblings, watching as they both start firing.
As soon as the first wave of soldiers are knocked down, Lexa limps out from cover and hobble-runs her way over to the next bit, biting back a howl of pain as she slips on a river of blood and lands on the piece of dug-in shrapnel on her thigh. She scrambles behind the rocky face as the gunfire starts up again. More soldiers are dropping like flies as she moves from cover to cover, drawing closer towards her primary target. She can see that there are more soldiers incoming, and quickly formulates a plan. She turns her head around to see Anya and Lincoln still furiously laying down the covering fire. Her heart aches in her chest as she sees the tears sliding down Anya's cheeks and the agonizing screams leaving her lips with each fingering of the trigger on the carbine.
Just as Anya and Lincoln run out of ammo, the soldiers make their way into the prime zone of the battlefield. Lexa takes a deep breath.
This is it.
As if in slow-motion, Lexa rises from her spot, ignoring the agonizing howl of her name being screamed in the background by her older sister as Lincoln tears her away. Upon noticing her, the gunshots ring out. The first bullet hits her in the shoulder, causing her to stumble backwards. The next catches her stomach, barely being caught by the kevlar underneath her uniform. The third carves just above the shrapnel wound on her thigh, bringing her to a stumbling, wheezing mess. The last one pierces through the upper lining of her uniform, digging deep in between her collarbone and upper right breast.
And with that, Lexa, the almighty captain of twelve units under Regiment Five-C, is brought to her knees in a bleeding heap.
The soldiers converge on her, just as she'd expected, but this time, instead of raising her gun towards them, she aims it at the fuel tank of the first truck. They seem to get the hint and storm closer to her, but Lexa's faster, despite her sluggishly bleeding injuries and rapidly dwindling consciousness.
"May we meet again," Lexa whispers into the humid air as she closes her eyes and thinks of Clarke, Aden, Tris, Anya, Lincoln, and Octavia.
With a deep breath, she pulls the trigger.
There's a shrill screeching noise followed by a incomprehensibly loud bang. Unfathomable, rocketing pain and a scorching heat envelopes her body, causing Lexa's entire being to be thrown backwards at a blinding speed. She hurtles through the air like a rag-doll, too winded to even let out a scream. The fire races up and down her limbs, consuming her and eating away at each layer of the dermis with parasite-like qualities. Her lungs concave inwards and jar against her ribs until she feels them fill with hot, warm blood, leaving her breathless.
And when her back finally collides with something hard, Lexa loses all sensation and collapses into nothing.