Chapter Text
“You know…you know when I…when I watched your fight…” Illumi pauses and burps before he speaks again. He points his hand at Hisoka and snorts. “Hi…Hisoka…you should have won the fight…you should have won the fight.”
“Hisoka lost fair and square,” Phinks hisses.
“That’s what the idiot gets for agreeing to fight Chrollo at Heaven’s Arena,” Feitan says grabbing the bottle of wine out of Illumi’s hand.
Hisoka picks up another bottle of wine off the nightstand and opens it up. He takes a small sip and passes the bottle to Phinks.
“Say Feitan, have you ever fought the boss at Heaven’s Arena?” Hisoka asks.
“I would never fight the boss,” Feitan says.
“Oh? Even if Chrollo…let’s say killed someone you cared about?” Hisoka inquires.
“Feitan doesn’t have a significant other,” Phinks says as he raises the bottle of wine to his lips. He takes a small sip and passes it to Shalnark.
“Actually…Feitan is seeing someone. I thought you guys knew that?” Shalnark says.
Feitan throws a pillow at Shalnark to prevent him from saying anything else. He doesn’t want the others to know that he’s been seeing someone off and on for almost two years.
“Wait…you have a girlfriend?” Phinks exclaims.
Feitan blushes a little. “It’s none of your business.”
“I know…let’s play…let’s play have you ever game….,” Illumi tries to stand up on the bed but falls down.
“Okay, have you guys ever dated anyone before?” Shalnark asks everyone.
Illumi laughs. “I…I’v….I’ve dated plenty of people before….but….they don’t like me…no they don’t like me.”
“They probably don’t like you because you’re such an ass,” Phinks says.
“At least…at least I’m beautiful and I…I have eyebrows…” Illumi points to his eyebrows.
Phinks clenches and unclenches his jaw. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’ve dated plenty of people who don’t mind me having no eyebrows.”
“Oh? How long did it last for?” Shalnark asks.
Phinks shrugs. “Why does it matter?”
“I could give you dating advice,” Hisoka suggests.
“I can give you better advice Phinks,” Chrollo says quickly.
Phinks makes a humming noise before he answers. “Okay, well I would like some advice.” He blushes a little and clears his throat. “It’s a little embarrassing… but I want to know how to…you know get laid.”
Illumi snorts. “Getting…getting laid is easy. All….all you need to doo….is show them how much…how much money you have and,” the assassin unzips his pants and pulls out his member. “Show…show them your dick.”
“Put your dick away you pervert!” Phinks screams.
“Why…I’m sure…I’m sure I have the biggest one in this room,” Illumi says holding it in his hand proudly.
Hisoka smirks. “I’m bigger.”
Chrollo narrows his eyes. “I doubt that.”
Shalnark jumps off the bed and searches the dresser for measuring tape. He finds one underneath some shirts and underwear. He walks back to the bed and holds it up in the air.
“Who wants to measure their size in the closet?” Shalnark asks.
“I’ll go first,” Chrollo and Hisoka say at the same time.
Shalnark frowns. “Sorry Hisoka but Chrollo can go first.”
Chrollo takes the measuring tape out of Shalnark's hand and walks over to the closet.
“Oh, here’s my cellphone. Please delete the porn site off of it after you’re done,” Shalnark tosses his cellphone to Chrollo.
“We need to get drunker if we’re doing this,” Feitan says.
“Very drunk,” Phinks groans.