Work Text:
Dean felt eyes on his back. Well, backside more like, as he walked up the aisle. He lingered by the yarn stand and looked at his options. When he turned his head towards the service counter, he saw the guy looking at him again, blue eyes unblinking. Dean touched a couple of balls of yarn, hefting them in his hand to judge their weight.
“Can I help you sir?” Came the curt question. Dean startled, dropping the balls of yarn. The man with the eyes was standing at his side, head tilted as he regarded the mess Dean had made.
“You will bend over and retrieve those products from the floor.”
Dean blinked at the guy, his name tag read “Castiel”.
“Do so slowly and carefully,” Castiel said steadily. “I will watch whether you place them back into the correct shelf locations.”
“I’ll just buy them,” Dean said, nudging a ball with his foot.
“That is not acceptable,” Castiel lifted an eyebrow. “You cannot purchase those yarns together, they are of different spun and the colours would clash.”
Castiel scowled as Dean flicked another ball of yarn onto the floor. The shorter man put his hands on his hips as the taller man smirked.
“What are you going to do about it?” Green eyes blazed like the sun if it was green.
Castiel took a step towards Dean, trying his best to be intimidating. “I’m going to count to ten.”
Dean scoffed obnoxiously. “What’s going to happen when you get to ten?”
“One,” Castiel said.
Dean froze in place, his heart beating so loudly people could hear it two rows over. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
“Two” Castiel said.
Dean sprang into action like a gazelle, restacking the balls of yarn in one of the most beautiful stacks Castiel had ever seen stacked. “There,” Dean said, gesturing grandly to his beautiful yarn tower.
Castiel opened his mouth in shockedness at the yarn masterpiece. He suddenly had an idea. “You wouldn’t happen to be looking for a job, would you?”
“As a matter of fact I am,” Dean commented.
Dean turned out to be an incredible employee. His yarn stacks were legendary, his knitting demos had all the customers frothing at the mouth they were so into the way Dean cast-on and binded-off. Soon, Castiel found himself owner of the most popular craft store in town.
As a co-worker though, Dean was an utter nightmare.
Firstly, he insisted on on disparaging Castiel’s lunch. Every day he would bring in these tiffin boxes full of delicious smelling food that made Castiel’s stomach rumble as they heated up. Dean always brought enough to share, Castiel was quickly putting on a few extra pounds. As far as complaints about Dean went though, Castiel figured that one was somewhat weak. Weak like a weak latte could be weak, all creamy and sweet and not quite hitting home. Home like the way Dean’s smile looked in the morning sun. Sun like a bright light around which the earth orbited emitting insolation.
Secondly, Dean liked to sing to himself in the store in between customers. One afternoon, Castiel caught Dean dressed in a red wig he had crafted out of tinsel belting out Will You Still Love Me When I Am No Longer Yarn And Beautiful? It was adorable in a sickening way. Sickening the way gross stuff sickens. Like cockles and too much ice cream.
Thirdly, Castiel was beginning to fall deeply and hopelessly in love with Dean. He caught himself, in between hosting crochet and sewing groups at the store, furiously cross stitching a love poem to Dean.
Dean, you are a pattern I want to work over
[work instructions within brackets as many times as directed]
[purl 2 together] our genitals, make me your lover
(work instructions within parentheses in the place directed)
Dean, I want you inside as my place marker
* *repeat instructions following the asterisks as directed
[p2tog] our souls, pass slipped stitch over
Yarn over needle, make one stitch of our bodies as directed.
Castiel was an very efficient cross stitcher.
It didn’t take long before Dean realized something was going on with Castiel. The poor dude was smitten. Completely and utterly and really really.
“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean asked, corning Cas in the poster board aisle late one night.
“Dean,” Castiel dithered, “I want to do terrible things to you.”
Dean clapped. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something. I want you to do every terrible things you’ve ever wanted to do to me right now.”
Cas smiled, doing a quick crotch thrust in celebration. “Take off all your clothes and follow me.”
Dean dropped his clothes along the way, the last thing being his long johns, which he tripped over as he walked out of them.
“Get up on the counter” Cas patted said counter next to he register where they sold the stuff that people bought.
“Yes sir!” Dean said, then sprinted onto the counter.
Castiel took a moment to appreciate how pretty Dean was. Creamy, milky skin with all those freckles, like if you were eating something reddish brown and took a drink of your milk and backwashed some of the reddish brown stuff into the milk that’s what Dean’s skin looked like and Cas wanted to lick up the reddish brown stuff, all those tasty flakes.
“What are you going to do to me master Castiel?”
Castiel pulled a package of colorful pipe cleaners out of his breast pocket and held them up so Dean could see them.
“Those are all fuzzy.”
“Yeah,” Cas said. He pulled three of the fuzzy long stiff cleaners for pipes out of the bag, then took Dean’s cock in his hand and pushed the pipe cleaner into the little hole.
“THAT FEELLLLS AMAZZZZZZZING!” Dean screamed with ecstasy!
“Hold still or I’m going to accidentally drop the cleaning thing down into your bladder.”
“Oh okay sorry,” Dean muttered in a muddled way.
“I want you to come now.”
Dean was overwhelmed with Cas’ awesome DOM VOICE and came instantly! Spewing copious ropes and splatters of cum all over the store. He kept coming, hitting Cas on the forehead with the pipe thingy that cleans pipes.
“It’s a good thing you weren’t standing closer or I would have hit you in the eye with that pipe cleaner!” Dean questioned.
The blue eyed man smiled at the green eyed man. “I love you so fondly.”
The guy on the bottom grinned at the guy on the top. “Backatchya.”
The brunette extended his hand to his face, carefully scooping up the strand splatter splooges of comes that the blond had spewed all over his mien with his cock. Gathering the gloopy bleachy thick mucusy come, the older man extended his fingers to the younger man. The blushing man closed his eyes and his lips reverently around the dominant man’s fingers. Muffled enthusiastic noises issued from the blonde’s throat as the dark haired man threw his head back and sighed.
“Clean it all up, Dean,” said the talking man. “Eat it like a good boy for me.”
Dean sighed when all the come was gone. Castiel hadn’t come yet and Dean was dying to find out what Castiel tasted like. He pulled open Castiel’s fly and gasped loudly.
Castiel had some wicked tattoos gracing his lower abdomen. There was one of a bee doing cross stitch, a crochet needle angel and half a hat pattern. None of it detracted from the glory of Castiel’s cock though, as pleasing and eye catching as the tattoos were. For Castiel’s cock was truly something to behold. So bold and dashing and angelic. It was as if the light of god’s grace shone from the head of it, and heaven was dribbling out of the slit in the form of honey-ed precum.
Castiel stood proudly with his hands on his hips as Dean fell to his knees.
“I… it’s so pretty!” Dean sang.
The music traveled straight to Castiel’s dick and that same dick jerked in response, smacking Dean’s lips like it wanted inside that cavernous warm wet mouth. Dean had never had a cock in
his mouth before, but he couldn’t resist that pretty dick. He opened his mouth and sucked it all the way down, realizing he didn’t have a gag reflex and how cool was that!?
“Your mouth is glorious!” Castiel decreed. He considered making a banner to hang at the front of the craft store letting everyone know what a good cocksucker Dean was. He could probably even draw a picture of Dean on his knees with a huge cock in his mouth. People would love it!
Dean sucked so hard Cas peed a little bit, but then he was coming so hard it came out of Dean’s nose. Dean stood up, ready to kiss his lover when he remembered the horrible injury he’d had years ago, the one that made him limp and hurt really bad all the time especially when it rained or snowed or if he fell on it. It didn’t hurt!
“My knee doesn’t hurt anymore!” Dean crowed, then scooped Castiel up into his arms and danced around the craft store, the pipe cleaner in his dick falling out onto the floor. “You’ve cured me! Your cock healed my knee!”
“Well of course!” Castiel harrumphed. “I have a magical healing cock, don’tcha know.”
Dean turned moonpie eyes at Castiel, breathlessly he moaned: “You are amazing Cas, you are an angel of healing.”
Castiel turned his chin up and lifted his brow suggestively. “Would you like to see what magic lies in my butthole?”
“Asshole you mean,” Dean replied.
“Ass/butt, whatever you like to call it,” Castiel beamed. “I’m sure when you’ve been inside it you would call it the cave of miracles.”
“Mmm,” Dean groaned. “That sounds wonderful. Alright then no need to waste time, bend over and I’ll give it a go.”
Castiel felt something cool and liquid like water or some sort of non-solid/not-gas form of lubrication squirted into his anus.
“So pretty,” Dean sighed with heartfelt awe.
Castiel squirmed. “Dean, where did you get the lube from?”
“Second shelf,” Dean said. “Um the pink one.”
“That’s fucking glitter glue!” Castiel yelped. “Dean!”
Then Castiel came copiously because Dean had stumbled on his glitter glue kink. They have so much more sex that I would totally write about for 100K but I can’t be bothered. Just know that they did and it was adventurous and involved a tonne of craft supplies and origami positions. It would have been some of the best writing I ever wrote but alas am bored of writing it out right now so you just gotta assume and trust that had I written it it would have blown your mind and changed your world and you totally would have subscribed to my AO3 then stalked my tumblr then became my bestie and sent me amorous anons, just sayin.
They lived happily ever after and had lots of glitter assbutt babies.
The End
Or iiiiiiis it!? You’ll never know.