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December 2011
It starts freshman year, her first college finals ever, because Clarke is fucking efficient at stressing herself out. Why wait
"Maybe it'll get better," Raven observes.
"Maybe her head will explode," says Bellamy, their RA. Clarke's not sure why he's in their room, except he's bored and seems to find their suffering amusing. Raven probably texted him. That would explain it. Raven didn't want to heckle her alone, and if Raven asked him to come, he definitely would.
"Why aren't you stressed?" she asks, glaring at them both. "Don't you have finals?"
"Papers," says Bellamy, smug. "No cramming required. I'm a junior, I got my requirements out of the way and now I get to avoid actual testing."
"So you're just hanging out to mock me?"
"Basically," he agrees.
"Raven?"
"Don't look at me. I'm studying. I'm stressed. I just show it in different ways."
"Which is the actual reason I'm here," Bellamy says. "You guys get to benefit from my years of wisdom."
"Hard pass," says Raven, grinning at him, and Bellamy grins back at her. Clarke feels the same uncomfortable lurch she always does when she remembers just how much the two of them like each other.
Aside from academics, by far the thing she's stressed about most in college is the horrible combination of realizing she's bisexual, being very attracted to her roommate, being very attracted to her RA, and being pretty sure the two of them are going to hook up at some point. Which she's trying to deal with by being interested in other people, but Raven is, in addition to being probably the single most beautiful person Clarke has ever seen, her roommate, so she sees her all the time, and Bellamy lives just down the hall, is Raven's only competition for most beautiful person Clarke has ever seen, and hangs out with them a lot because he's got a thing for Raven.
So clearly that's going well.
"Yeah, the last time we benefited from your years of wisdom, you were teaching us how to steal ice cream from the dining hall," Clarke says.
"If you didn't want stains on your clothes you should have been more careful," he says. "Here's my actual wisdom: if you survive until Friday, there are going to be puppies."
Clarke and Raven exchange a look. "Puppies?" Clarke asks.
"Yup. It's a stress thing they do over the weekend, Friday to Sunday. Massages, ice cream bar, and puppies. I was pretty sure you guys would be most interested in the puppies, though."
"If you're fucking with us, I'm going to murder you," Raven says.
"Hey, come on. I'm a dick, but I'd never lie about puppies." He gives Clarke a smile that makes her breath catch. "Think you can make it to Friday?"
"Not convinced."
He nudges her leg with his foot. "You've got it. Seriously."
She ducks her head, trying not to blush; she can see Raven roll her eyes, so her stupid crush is obvious. To her other stupid crush. Even better. "I'll keep you posted."
It is a rocky couple of days. Clarke's pre-med, which apparently means all her classes are doing intense tests. Raven has a lot of stuff too, and she and Clarke spend a couple days lying in a pile on their futon, quizzing each other and trying not to murder Bellamy when he stops by to visit. He objects to not being allowed in the cuddle pile, which they justify with the fact that they can't quiz him on his papers.
On Friday, he drags them to lunch, and then says, "Okay, you guys better appreciate me."
"Not at all," says Clarke.
"Your ass is pretty great," Raven adds.
"Yeah, that's the level of appreciation I was expecting. The finals lounge doesn't open until three, but my friend said we could get in to look at puppies at two, so you can appreciate me and get private puppy access or keep on not appreciating me and I'll go alone."
"You're the best, Bellamy," Raven says instantly.
"Best ass, best person," Clarke adds, and he snorts.
"You guys are so fucking full of shit. You're lucky you're my favorites."
The lounge is in the student center, and Clarke can see them setting up the various stations as Bellamy leads them upstairs. She's got one of her exams down, which means she's feeling generally better, and the prospect of puppies is doing a lot to soothe the rest of her stress and unhappiness.
Bellamy knocks once, pauses, and then twice more fast, which also cheers her up. He has a secret knock. For a generally cool, charming, competent guy, Bellamy really is a huge dork.
His friend Miller opens the door with a look that says he also thinks Bellamy is a huge dork. "Dude, I told you to just text me. Hey, Clarke, hey, Raven."
"Hey Miller," they chorus.
"What's the point of having a secret knock if you don't use it?" Bellamy asks.
"You could have just stopped at what's the point of having a secret knock?"
"Where's Monty? We have a secret handshake. He's better than you."
"With the puppies, obviously. Come on in, guys."
The room really is full of puppies. Okay, it's full of dogs of all sizes and ages, but as far as Clarke is concerned, all dogs are puppies. Miller's boyfriend is on the floor with a little shepherd jumping up to lick him, and he gives them a grin.
"I know that this is the reason I look forward to finals, and it's a sign that they've successfully conditioned me, but I don't care, because puppies." He holds his hand up to Bellamy, and they really do have a secret handshake, because of course they do. Monty's probably the one who came up with the secret knock too. "Nate, we're getting fifteen puppies after graduation, right?"
"I'm a sucker, so, probably."
Clarke kneels down to what looks like a corgi mix, strokes him behind the ears and then grins when he jumps on her. "Okay, yeah, Bellamy, I appreciate you."
"I know you do."
Raven crouches down with Clarke, close and warm, and reaches out to stroke the puppy too. "I appreciate Miller. Can you hook us up with a gig like this?"
"Not until I graduate," he says. "This is how I got Monty to go out with me, I'm not giving it up."
"Yeah, if he doesn't give me early puppy access, I'm going to immediately break up with him," Monty agrees.
"Which is why you're getting fifteen puppies after graduation," Bellamy agrees. He's lying on his back next to Monty and basically just letting the dogs come to him; apparently he's an old pro at hanging out with a bunch of dogs.
"Exactly," says Monty, and they bump fists.
"I can see myself getting conditioned to look forward to finals, if we always get puppies," Raven observes.
Clarke snorts. "Yeah, no. Absolutely not."
"Give it time," says Bellamy. "I'm going to teach you my secrets. Finals zen."
"Your secret is that you write papers. I'm in pre-med. I'm not going to write papers."
"I have other secrets," he says. "Stick with me. I've got you."
December 2012
"How long until puppies?" Clarke asks. She's flopped on her back on her bed, one arm over her eyes, while Raven works on her coding. She has an alarm set to go off in half an hour so she can go back to cramming, but her brain is about to leak out her ears.
"Like seventeen hours," says Raven. "Assuming Bellamy gets us in early again."
Clarke hadn't really known what to expect from their friendship with Bellamy after freshman year, when he stopped being their RA and had no official reason to continue hanging out with them. But apparently his affection for them wasn't just based on proximity, because his favorite place to study still seems to be their futon, even though he has an actual off-campus apartment of his own. He's not around now, running a TA session for one of the Latin classes, but Clarke assumes he'll be by later. He sleeps there half the time.
She'd like to say that a year later, she's better with her relationships, but she still has no idea what's happening. She's definitely bisexual. She's hooked up a couple times. Raven had a boyfriend for a while, and she was jealous; Bellamy had a girlfriend, and she was just as jealous.
They're her best friends, and she doesn't even know how to want one of them, not really, because they're both too important to her. And Raven doesn't like girls, that she's mentioned. And Bellamy's girlfriend said he was bad at emotional intimacy. And even if, somewhere private inside her, Clarke thinks their relationship would be in all ways improved if the three of them just started making out, it seems way too complicated. None of them individually seems to be any good at the whole dating thing, so putting all three of them together and hoping they figured it out feels like it would be a disaster. Even if everyone was interested. Even if it wasn't just some tantalizing dream that she thinks about sometimes when she's getting off and feels bad about after.
"He's going to get us an early in," Clarke says, confident. "We're his favorites. He's got our backs."
There's a pause, and then the bed shifts and Raven is curled around her. Clarke tenses for a second, because she and Raven don't really snuggle that much, which is probably good for her mental health, and every time they do, it's a surprise. But not a bad one; Clarke likes cuddling. "When's your alarm going off?"
"Ten."
"Cool. Power nap?"
"Mmm," Clarke agrees, twisting around so Raven is the little spoon. Raven loves being the little spoon. And this way Clarke gets to smell her hair, which--okay, she knows it's creepy, but it's not like she's doing anything about it. And Raven's the one who climbed into bed with her. "Sounds good."
The door opens before the alarm goes off, and Clarke's eyes open slowly as Bellamy comes in. He gives her a soft smile, and she smiles back, rolls her eyes when he takes a picture.
"How much longer?" he mouths, and she mouths, "Ten," back. She realizes it's ambiguous and is about to correct herself, but then the alarm goes off, and Raven startles up.
"Jesus, were you watching us sleep?"
"Clarke was awake, so it's not weird," he says. "So, study break over?"
"Probably," says Clarke, sitting and stretching. "Why?"
"So, uh, I got an emergency text from my sister after my TA session. And it turned out the emergency was that she found a stray puppy and tried to bring it to the shelter, but they're closed, so I know we're getting puppies tomorrow, but I'm just saying, there's a puppy in my room right now that you could come hang out with."
"And you waited this long to tell us?"
"Yeah, I'm a monster. I was making sure my place was puppy proof. And I figured you guys were studying, not spooning. I assumed you'd invite me if you were spooning."
"Next time. Take us to the puppy."
Clarke's only met Bellamy's little sister a handful of times, but as usual she's perky and kind of sarcastic and makes fun of her brother non-stop, so Clarke likes her. The puppy is dirty, so they wash it in Bellamy's bathtub, and then it runs around shaking itself off instead of letting them dry it, and his apartment is definitely a disaster, but the puppy wants to lick all of them, and then jump around, and then lick them more.
"You know you could keep her, Bell," Octavia says. She was the one who checked the puppy's gender, and Clarke is taking her word for it. If Octavia Blake believes she can identify puppy genitals, Clarke is happy to trust her.
"I don't have time for a dog, O," he says. "And my lease says no pets. And we don't even know that she's really a stray. There could be a family looking for her. Don't get attached."
Octavia huffs. "Is he always this much of a responsible downer, or is that special for me?"
"Not always," says Clarke.
"Sometimes he's asleep."
"Jesus, I don't even know why I like you guys," Bellamy says, and Clarke pecks his cheek.
"Thanks for the extra puppy time, Bellamy."
"Does this mean you guys will call me next time you're spooning?" he asks, putting his arm around her and giving her a squeeze. Clarke leans into it, because she can't not. Bellamy's so warm, all the time.
"We don't really plan that," says Raven. "Just gotta be in the right place at the right time."
"I try," he says, all over-dramatic hurt, and Octavia groans.
"Jesus, flirt on your own time, Bell. I'm just here for the puppy."
He lets go of Clarke so he can press a smacking kiss to his sister's hair. "My bad. Should have thought about your needs."
They go with him to drop the puppy off at the animal shelter in the morning, and then hang out until Miller lets them in for more puppies. It's a lot of lost studying time, but Clarke's pretty sure it's for the good.
She feels so much better.
May 2013
It turns out, all Bellamy needed to freak out about finals was for them to be his last finals. He's been texting Clarke and Raven in their group chat non-stop, and it's actually been helpful. For whatever reason, Bellamy stressing makes Clarke calmer.
"I'm not sure he's going to make it to puppies, honestly," Clarke observes.
"He better, we need him to get us in early."
"Miller would probably just do it for us, now. Miller likes us."
Raven worries her lip. "He's probably just stressed out about graduating."
"Yeah," Clarke agrees. They haven't really talked about it, and it feels like something they're all purposefully avoiding. They've been a trio ever since Clarke and Raven got here, and while they've always known he was older, it never really translated for her into him leaving them.
It should feel like a relief, in some ways. Having just one hopeless crush is definitely easier than having two. But--it doesn't feel right, being just the two of them, without him.
"You think the puppies will help?" Raven asks.
"I don't know. I've never seen him this stressed before. It's actually kind of creepy." She leans back on the futon, closes her eyes. "Have you talked to him about it?"
"About what?"
"What he's doing after graduation."
"No more than you have, I don't think." She pauses and then adds, "It feels weird talking about this stuff with just two of us, you know?"
"Yeah." She sighs. "I really hope he stays in town. There are jobs here, right? We're living off campus next year already. We could find a three-bedroom apartment."
"You want to live with Bellamy?"
Clarke frowns. "You don't?"
"You don't think it would be weird?"
"Yeah, but--that doesn't mean it would be bad."
Raven looks at her for a while, and Clarke feels her cheeks heating up. But finally she says, "Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting a place with him."
Bellamy shows up just before eleven and faceplants directly onto Clarke's bed. "Do you guys have class tomorrow?"
"No," says Raven, and "Not until eleven," from Clarke.
"Awesome. Want to get fucking wasted with me?"
"We're underage."
"I had no idea." He rolls over onto his back. "Drinking?"
"Sure," Clarke agrees.
In under an hour, he's sloppy and affectionate, leaning on her shoulder while she leans on Raven's shoulder, and he finally admits, "Graduating is fine, but I don't want to leave."
Clarke tangles her hand in his hair, rubbing his scalp gently. "So you shouldn't leave," she says. "Raven and I took a vote. We think you should stay."
He raises his head just enough to look at Raven. "Yeah?"
"We'd just worry about you if you left," she says.
"I'm the responsible one here," he says. "I can take care of you guys. I take care of everyone. I'm the fucking best at taking care of people, okay?"
Clarke presses her lips to his temple. It feels natural, when she's a little drunk and they're all in a pile. "Yeah. You take care of everyone, we take care of you. That's the plan."
"Huh." He wets his lips. "I could live with that plan."
"Thought so," says Raven. "It's a really awesome plan."
They end up nearly falling asleep in a pile on the floor, but Clarke manages to rouse them into beds. She gets Raven into her bed, and then pushes Bellamy into it despite his token protests, and then through some sorcery fits herself in, even though the bed is actually tiny. They're all pressed very close together; Clarke's drunk enough to think of it as an upside.
"You're gonna fall out," Bellamy tells her.
"Not if you hold me," she says, and he wraps her up and pulls her in as close as he can.
In the morning, they get breakfast, and Clarke goes to class, and they all meet up again for lunch and puppies. Clarke puts a spaniel into Bellamy's lap and says, "We were thinking a three-bedroom apartment."
"Or just a bigger bed," he says, dry, and scratches the puppy behind the ears. "Yeah," he adds, soft. "I still like the plan."
December 2013
"Now that you're an adult with a job, you don't need puppies anymore, right?" Clarke asks Bellamy. "That's how it works. You're mature."
"Yeah, now you just drink and think about your glory days."
"Aren't you guys supposed to support me? I thought I got that put in our lease." He drops his head onto Raven's shoulder. "And seriously, being an adult just means you feel like you always need to be covered in a pile of puppies. You guys should keep going to school until they kick you out."
"That's my plan," Clarke says.
"Good call."
Raven pets him. "Work sucking?"
"No worse than usual. I hate my fucking boss, but everyone else is cool." He pauses and then admits, "Look, you guys covered in a pile of puppies is something I look forward to, okay? It's a bright spot in my sad life. I know Monty is doing it this year, he won't mind if I tag along on Saturday."
"He won't," Clarke agrees. The tea water boils, so she pours three cups and brings them out, curling up on Bellamy's other side for additional comfort. She and Raven are actually in a pretty good place with exams this semester, but Bellamy's job really has been stressing him out. The local history museum seemed like a perfect fit for him, and they were all thrilled, but the pay rate is lousy and the museum director is a nightmare. They're teasing him about puppies, but of course they'e going to bring him.
"We like seeing you covered in puppies too," she adds. "It's the best part of finals."
"Glad to help with your conditioning," he says.
Clarke thinks this should probably be--she's not sure. She thinks the whole arrangement should be blowing up in their faces, but it feels--good. Right. Like they're getting closer and closer to how they should be. And she's increasingly convinced how they should be is dating each other, but she hasn't figured out how to get all the way to that. It feels so risky to bring it up, when anything other than yes, we should all date each other would break her heart. She couldn't be happy with just one of them. They're too important.
She leans her head on Bellamy's shoulder, looks at Raven, catches her looking down Clarke's top. Which--it's not like it's the first time. But this time when Raven looks up, she just gives Clarke a smirk and a shrug, instead of playing it off.
They've been living together for three months, and Clarke's vibrator is going through batteries so quickly that she feels like she's personally killing the planet with her masturbatory habits. So she wets her lips, shifts closer, lets her hand brush under Raven's shirt, across Bellamy's stomach.
"You know," she says, when she feels him tense. "Puppies are great, but I hear orgasms work pretty well for stress relief too. And those are a lot easier to come by."
She looks up at Bellamy, sees him watching her, eyes dark. When she cocks her head at him, his mouth tugs up in a smile.
"I haven't been having much luck with that lately."
"Since, what, junior year of college, right?" Raven supplies.
"Just about there, yeah." His tongue darts out to wet his lips. "We need to talk about this?"
Clarke looks at Raven, and Raven smiles, tugs him down and kisses him. It's just as hot as Clarke has always imagined it would be, and even better when Bellamy's hand slips under Clarke's own shirt, fingers rough as he pulls her closer, making sure she's included.
"We can talk after," Raven mutters. "I'm so fucking tired of not doing this."
She kisses Clarke before Clarke can agree, and Clarke figures kissing back counts as agreement all by itself. And it's--god, it's so good. Not just the kiss itself, which is perfect, but the relief that washes over her as she kisses Raven and Bellamy rubs her back and just--this, finally.
She's just as tired as Raven is of waiting.
Bellamy's alarm goes off at seven-twenty, and he wakes everyone up with his sincere attempt to get out of bed without waking everyone up.
"I shouldn't be in the middle on weekdays," he grumbles, kisses them both, and goes to shower.
Clarke rolls back into Raven and goes to sleep until her own alarm goes off two hours later. It's easier for her to get up without seriously dislodging Raven, but still hard in the sense that she's getting out of bed with Raven to go to class, and she'd much rather just stay.
But when she showers, she finds marks all over her skin, beard burn from Bellamy and hickeys from Raven, and she can't stop smiling, even if she is awake.
They send him pictures of the two of them with a lot of puppies, and when he replies, Thanks, love you guys, it feels so fucking right that Clarke thinks she might explode.
May 2015
"Do you think med students still get to come to the puppy party?" Raven asks. "Or is it just an undergrad thing?"
Clarke lifts up a fat little retriever and lets it lick her nose. "Probably. But I doubt I get two guests. Even one is stretching it."
"Thanks for sneaking me in for puppies, guys," Bellamy says.
"What are girlfriends for?"
"Yeah, that's basically your only purpose in my life," he agrees, picking up a puppy of his own. It's Sunday, her and Raven's last ever Sunday of finals puppies, and it's crowded, but the three of them still managed to find a place with some amount of privacy and enough puppy access for all of them. Which is good, because if Clarke has a lot of affection for the finals puppies, both because they're puppies and because she associates them so strongly with Bellamy and Raven. She knows nothing is going to happen to the three of them after this--she and Raven are both staying in town, Raven with a great job, Clarke with med school, and Bellamy's finally gotten a job he actually likes, and their relationship is as strong as ever--but it still feels more like the end of this stage of her life than anything else has, saying goodbye to this tradition.
Bellamy hooks his arm around her neck as they walk back to the bus stop. "So, here's a thought."
"Hm?"
"Our lease is up in July, right?"
"Yeah," says Raven.
"We could find a new place. With a yard. And then we could just get a puppy."
Clarke glances at Raven, and Raven taps her chin. "You really think we're at the puppy stage?" she asks.
"Well, I didn't get you guys graduation presents because I'm a shitty boyfriend," he says. "So, yeah. I figure I get you a puppy and then you'll forgive me." He glances at Raven too. "I think we're doing pretty well with the adults thing. Jobs, life plans, functional relationships. We'd be a great environment for a puppy."
"We could use a new place," Clarke observes. "Right now we're just wasting two bedrooms."
"And you want a puppy," Raven teases.
"And I want a puppy."
She grins. "It's not like I'm saying no. Just want to make sure we've really thought it through."
"I basically stopped at we could get a puppy," Clarke says. "I want a puppy."
"Like I said," says Raven. "I'm not saying no. And Bellamy didn't get us anything for graduation, so--"
"So, yeah," Bellamy agrees. "New place, and a puppy."
November 2015
"Thank goodness we got a puppy," Clarke says, flopping down on the floor so Minerva can come nuzzle her. "I would not be surviving med school without a puppy."
"You know she's going to stop being a puppy soon, right?" Raven asks, amused. "She might already not count as a puppy."
"All dogs are puppies," Clarke says. "Come on, Raven."
"I was gonna use that as an argument why we should get another puppy, but if you don't want me to make that argument--"
"Wait, are we getting a new dog every time we stop having at least one puppy?" Bellamy asks. "Because that's going to be a lot of dogs in a couple years."
"You say a lot of dogs like it's a bad thing," says Raven.
"Like our entire relationship isn't based on lots of dogs," Clarke adds.
Bellamy snorts. "That's it, huh? No love, no affection, no insane sexual chemistry. Just, you know. Piles of dogs."
"Yup. That's it. Absolutely nothing else."
He snorts again, wraps his arms around Raven and rests his chin on her shoulder. It's strange, remembering there was a time in her life when she thought she'd be jealous of the two of them together, when she thought they'd want to be together and leave her behind. Now, when she looks at them, she feels nothing but love and gratitude.
Well, and a little lust, but she's mostly too tired to think about sex right now. Med school is exhausting.
"Then I guess we'd better get a bunch of dogs," Bellamy says, like it's a great burden. "Just to be safe."
Clarke scratches Minerva behind the ears, closes her eyes and lets the tension drain out of her. "Yeah," she agrees. "Just to be safe."