Work Text:
The high of sex with Apollo wore off way too fast.
It got Nico through that first night after leaving Percy, and he woke feeling rested in Apollo's empty bed. Empty bed. Empty Nico. Except Nico was a persistent shit, he had to give himself credit. The person he'd intended to bury was still inside him, screaming in pain and outrage. He was never going to escape himself.
He'd made it through that first night, and he'd made it through the first day of class. Then he'd sent that ridiculous postcard. It was the only card he had left, and he'd been saving it in case something terrible happened. Well something terrible had happened, and there wasn't even anything to tell. He had only done exactly what Jason had known he would. He hadn't been about to kill himself or murder half of Manhattan or even drop out of school. His crime was so ordinary. But the fact that Jason and Percy (because gods, Jason had told Percy that he was going to sleep with someone else) were so relieved was distressing. He didn't want to be someone that people expected to make such horrifying choices that his run-of-the-mill fuck-ups were blah by comparison.
Nico had climbed back in Apollo's bed that night.
He'd been there every night now for three weeks. It was always the same. Bliss — pure, white-out bliss — for as long as the sex lasted. Intoxicating, dreamless sleep afterward. Waking up cold and alone and going through school and the gym (he'd finally joined since Clarisse was on her annoying honeymoon and couldn't spar with him at all), hurrying to eat dinner and study so that the second Apollo appeared he could strip him out of his clothes and fall back into the high of sex.
Apollo had complained after the first night. He wanted Nico to talk about his feelings. He wanted to help. Nico didn't want help. He wanted to forget. After four nights of complaints, Apollo had refused to have sex until Nico talked, so Nico had lied. He said he'd had an epiphany in San Francisco and realized that Percy could never compare with Jason or Apollo. To Nico's enduring surprise, Apollo did have a fairly attuned bullshit meter, but he bought this load of crap. Nico figured it was because he'd been smart enough to throw in the bit about Percy not measuring up to Jason, which contained enough truth not to set off too many alarm bells. Nico said the breakup had been ugly, with Percy begging him to stay, but things really did happen for the best. Apollo had smiled and kissed him and screwed him on the bed and the floor and in the bathtub. Nico had been relieved.
It was easy, now, getting Apollo to stop talking and start fucking. If he suspected Nico was unhappy, he didn't mention it. It was a million times worse that way, of course, Apollo not even noticing how broken he was, but it was exactly what he needed. He needed to stay broken and hurt and hidden. He was doing a bang-up job.
Last night had been the worst of all. His biggest betrayal. He'd been the aggressor. Not in the way he was with Percy and Jason, where he told them what to do and they did it. No. He'd told Apollo what he was going to do, and then he did it. He penetrated. He fucked. He'd never, not once, done that before, despite talking about doing it with Percy. He'd never dared fantasize about it with Jason, who was so physically imposing. It had been incredible, the rush of power he felt. He was giddy with it, the power, holding a god down, pinning Apollo's knees to his chest and pushing inside, no condoms, no prep, no lube. And he'd done it over and over. They would come, and then Apollo would heal and rejuvenate him and they'd go again.
The more they did it, the bolder Nico got, until he had Apollo shoved face-first against that wall of windows facing Olympus, thrusting into him relentlessly. He'd yanked Apollo's head back by the hair and bit his neck so hard that the god cried out and came smashed against the glass. He had kept on, rougher and harder, and there were fingerprints on Apollo's skin, Nico's fingerprints. When daylight broke and Apollo had to leave, he'd been a disheveled mess, hair flying in all directions, lips swollen, skin bruised.
I did that, Nico had thought, satisfied. He couldn't hurt a god, but he enjoyed possessing one.
And all of that passion, that control, it had buoyed Nico throughout the day. He couldn't wait for Apollo to come home so they could go again, all night long. He wanted it.
It wasn't until he was sitting in his last class of the day, history, that Nico's walls had come crashing down. Somewhere between the War of 1812 and Andrew Jackson's election, it occurred to him that he hadn't, not once in the past twenty hours, thought of Jason or Percy. He hadn't missed them. He had forgotten to hide himself away and mourn the losses he'd forced on himself. He hadn't simply let someone use his body and derived pleasure from it; he'd been the driving force behind the sex. He'd actively betrayed Percy and Jason.
He'd hastily excused himself from class, ran to the restroom, and vomited. A lot. By the time he calmed his stomach and forced his knees to stop shaking, class was over. He wasn't sure what to do with himself. There was no way he could go home. He felt too dirty to go to his farmhouse. He could barely stand to be seen. It felt like he was wearing a huge sign over his head that read "Betrayer!" Everyone would know.
So the last thing he needed, when he emerged from the bathroom, was to see people he recognized. But there they were, like they knew exactly where he would be.
"About time, you fucking pussy."
Nico wiped his lips. "Good to see you, too, Clarisse. How was your honeymoon?"
"We ate. We had sex. It was the same as usual."
"Classy. Glad you're back. Why are you here?" Nico threw his backpack onto his shoulder and started walking. Clarisse and her companion followed.
"I told you if I hadn't heard from you at least once a week I was coming to your snooty-ass school. It's been a month, shithead. Here I am."
Outside the building, there were tons of students milling about. Nico felt exposed. He needed to ditch these two and run. He hadn't been to the Underworld or spoken to his father since Thanksgiving. Maybe it was time to make peace.
"You were on your honeymoon, Clarisse. I wasn't calling you there."
"I meant every week, Pissy. Get your shit together."
Nico glanced back at Clarisse. Her hair was streaked lighter and she was tan, like she'd spent a lot of time in the sun. It was nice. It would be nice, at least, if she wasn't stalking him.
"How did you even know where I was?" He barely got the words out before he realized how. He pointed two accusing fingers at Clarisse and the other, whom he was not acknowledging, and said, "Wait here."
He turned away, pulled out his phone, and pressed a speed dial button.
It rang seven times before someone picked up.
"I'm busy, Nico." Reyna's bored voice made him want to shadow travel to New Rome, banishment be damned, and beat the shit out of her. "Call back later."
"Reyna, don't you dare hang up that gods damned phone! How could you send Clarisse after me and tell her my schedule? I don't want to be found!"
Reyna sighed heavily, like he was the one being an asshole.
"You hadn't checked in. That's the agreement. She was worried about you and said some nonsense about—"
"Save your breath. Either get your ass out here to check on me yourself or stop sending a bunch of fucking helper monkeys to do it for you." Nico paused and caught his breath. "I'm not a baby, Rey."
"I'd give anything to check on you myself. It's not possible right now. I love you, my brother." Reyna didn't sound dismissive anymore. She sounded sad. "I know you're not a baby. You're a good, strong young man who's had the world ripped out from under him. Anyone in your position would need extra love from their family. And that's what we are, Nico. Not just you and me and Hazel, but Clarisse and Annabeth and Frank and the boys, though I would prefer those walking penises stay away from you. Even Valdez is your family. You don't have to be alone."
He wished it was true. He really did.
"I miss you," he whispered. His eyes welled with tears, and he had to go. "I'll call you later, okay? I love you."
Nico stuffed the phone back in his pocket and wiped his eyes. He allowed himself three deep breaths before he turned around.
Clarisse didn't say anything about what a complete wuss he was. She didn't punch him, either. He kind of wished she would.
"Look, I needed to check on your wimpy little ass anyway, and then Crazytown here shows up and starts babbling about how I have to take her to you. What did you want me to do?" Clarisse’s eyebrows were drawn down, and she was frowning. Her expression and words worried Nico, more than he was already worried. He let his gaze flick over to the other girl.
"Hey, Nico," Rachel Elizabeth Dare said. She wiggled her fingers in a wave. "Long time, no see. You sure got sexy."
"It's been four years, Rachel. I got older." Nico liked Rachel. He always had. He avoided her whenever possible. She made him nervous, and he was already nervous enough about life without worrying that she was about to drop a prophecy on his head.
Rachel openly checked him out and shared a look with Clarisse, who grinned. "Nah. I'm pretty sure you got sexy."
Clarisse burst out laughing and punched him. Nico took a big, relieved breath and silently bemoaned the fact that he couldn't publicly hit a girl.
"You're supposed to be the virgin oracle. Can you, like, not do that?" Nico gestured vaguely in Rachel's direction. "It's creeping me out."
"I'm allowed to look," Rachel said. "Besides, we're a match made in sex avoidance heaven. You're gay. I'm celibate. We both get hit on too much for our liking. We could be fake dates to everything, if I didn't make you so jittery."
"He's always this jittery, Loony Toon," Clarisse said. "It's like watching a six year old that really has to pee."
"Can I pay you to go back on your honeymoon, Clarisse? I'm thinking Barbados, six months minimum. Take Rachel with you."
Clarisse waved him off. "You're all bark and no bite, Pissy. Now let's get this show on the road. The camp van has to be back by midnight."
"I'm not going anywhere with you two." Nico tried to make his most disgusted face. Clarisse and Rachel both laughed at him. Rachel linked her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder.
"Oh, Nico, you're so cute. You have no choice."
Clarisse shoved him in the back, and Rachel used the momentum to drag him toward the camp's strawberry delivery van. Nico contemplated screaming "Kidnapping!" at the top of his lungs, but decided the humiliation of admitting to being kidnapped by two girls, one of whom probably weighed in at less than 110 pounds, when he was supposed to be kind of a stud (or so one of the boys in his geology class had told him) was worse than spending time with Rachel and Clarisse. Maybe he could talk Clarisse into ditching Rachel before any "wisdom" poured green from her mouth.
Rachel opened the sliding side door of the van. Clarisse forced Nico in by ramming a finger into his ass.
"Damn it, Clarisse! That hurt!"
"Mamamaama," Clarisse mocked in a whiny baby voice. "Tough shit. You should be used to stuff poking your ass by now, shouldn't you?"
Nico rolled his eyes and sat on the lone rear seat. The yellow upholstery looked like someone had chewed on it; there was foam coming out one side. The van smelled like fermented strawberries. He was glad he'd vomited in the bathroom because the van probably would have made him throw up otherwise and Clarisse would have murdered him over it.
Rachel tumbled sideways into his lap and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. With her free hand, she played with his hair. Nico tried to shove her off, but she clung to him like a monkey, the hand in his hair painfully tight.
"Afraid not, Nico. See, I know you're dying to ditch me, but I'm stuck to you for the rest of the night. There's no escape." As Clarisse climbed into the driver's seat and started the van, Rachel leaned closer and whispered in Nico's ear. "Our mutual benefactor wants to make sure you're safe."
Nico's eyes widened in alarm.
"Yes, I know about it. His thoughts can kind of percolate into my brain if he's too preoccupied. He's been really occupied with you lately, in more ways than one last night."
Nico felt his face go scarlet as Rachel laughed at her joke. Who knew a virgin could be so crass? When he was one, he hadn't even liked to think about sex, at least, not until Jason had started kissing him.
"Oh, lighten up, Nico. That's what he's worried about. You take this stuff too seriously."
Nico pulled Rachel's chin so he could whisper in her ear. "If he's so worried about me, why can't I go home and be with him? Is he dumping me? Was I...did he not like it?"
Apollo had seemed so aroused by what Nico was doing. He'd said male gods didn't get penetrated by mortals and the turnabout was highly appealing. He'd begged Nico for more. Had he already changed his mind?
"Um, he liked it a lot. He's so horny for you he can barely do his job. That's his problem." Rachel didn't even blush. Nico was mortified. "He felt like you were going to crash and burn today because you take sex way too seriously and you're not over the other two. He says you wouldn't believe him if he tried to reassure you it was okay because you'd think he just wants more fucking."
"He does want more fucking," Nico hissed.
"Yes, but he also loves you, Nico. He sincerely does." Rachel smiled at him. "He wouldn't say stuff that he didn't mean in order to get more sex out of you."
"He shouldn't love me."
Nico meant that he wasn't worthy of love.
"He shouldn't, you're right. It's more dangerous for you both that way. If it was just sex, he could probably pass it off and keep himself out of trouble when you get caught, and you will get caught, Nico. When the shit hits the fan, you are going to get so hurt."
"You're doing a great job cheering me up."
Rachel rested her head on his cheek. Clarisse had pulled off campus and turned up the radio. Nico was grateful she was giving them privacy.
"Look, sweetheart, there are things you know about the path of your life, little whispers you've overheard. You're a smart boy. I've seen glimpses of your future, but I can't change your fate and neither can you. We could all be wrong, and you could live to be a very old man. Still sexy, of course." Rachel pinched his side, and Nico managed a small grin. "Your fate was sealed when you were small, the moment your father stopped your uncle from killing you."
"I would've died otherwise," Nico said. This conversation was so depressing that he wished they could go back to talking about sex with Apollo. Maybe that was Rachel's cheer-up plan.
"I know, honey. You don't get a lot of choice about where your life goes, but you get a great deal of choice about how you approach your life. You're doing a good job, Nico, I promise you. Don't be so hard on yourself."
Nico laid his head back on the seat, and when Rachel wiped a tear from his cheek he leaned into the touch. He missed Reyna. And Hazel. And Bianca. He missed having a mother.
"Buck up, fuckface," Clarisse called back. "We're here."
Clarisse hopped out of the van, and a moment later she was sliding back the side door. Rachel climbed off Nico's lap and took his hand. As soon as they exited the van and Nico saw where they were headed, he turned around and tried to get back in. Clarisse body-checked him against the door panel.
"You're going in there with me, Nico. I've wanted this tattoo a long time, and Rachel's buying," she growled. "Crazytown says you're getting one, too."
She released him, and Nico tried to unwrench his shoulders. He did not want a tattoo. Needles were not his friends.
"Come on, honeybunny," Rachel said. She put her hand in Nico's back jeans pocket and guided him toward the shop. "This is what the doctor ordered."
"What the fuck are you talking about? Gods, you're starting to sound crazier than when you're spouting prophecies," Nico said.
"You're avoiding because you're scared," Rachel said solemnly. Her creepy green eyes bored into Nico and gave him chills. "The boss man says you're hurting for Percy and you need a way to commemorate him, keep him with you. He says you know what to do."
Nico fingered his bracelet and listened to Clarisse explain to the girl at the counter that she and her "baby asswipe friend" were getting tattoos. The girl looked Nico over and said the shop would work them in, even without an appointment. Rachel squeezed Nico's ass and said, "Ooh, this is exciting!"
The tattoo shop was ritzy. Nico hadn't expected that. There were tons of gorgeous, intricate paintings on the walls, and the wood floors gleamed, they were so highly polished. Six stations with padded black chairs were set up in the second third of the space. Near the back, trays and tables and shelves were lined with ink. Nico thought it looked a bit like the place Apollo sent him to get his hair cut before Clarisse's wedding.
The girl from the desk led them to adjacent stations. Clarisse started stripping off her shirt.
"Clarisse! For fuck's sake, put it away until you talk to the person doing your tattoo!" Nico yanked on the hem of Clarisse's shirt and pulled it back down to her waist. The desk girl snickered when Clarisse bent Nico's fingers back and he hopped away.
"Shut up, dick. I know what I want, and I'm not shy." Clarisse left her shirt on, though.
"If you'd sit here, sir," the girl said. "I'll work on you."
Rachel still had her hand in the back of Nico's jeans, so she pulled him into the chair and sat on his lap. Dealing with her distracted Nico from Clarisse, who'd pulled out a drawing and was showing it to the poor man who'd come to take care of her tattoo.
"This is Nico, which, I know, is like a name as totally hot as the rest of him," Rachel told the desk girl, who was now apparently Nico's tattoo artist. Rachel patted Nico's face and took his hand when he tried to bat her away. "It's a tremendous shame, but he's taken. We can still enjoy the view, though. I'm Rachel."
The girl regarded Rachel like she had two heads. Nico found it appropriate. "Um, I'm Darlene, and okay. Do you know what you want, Nico-who-I-can-look-at-but-not-hit-on?"
"I don't want a tattoo."
"He does." Rachel's voice dropped conspiratorially, and she leaned toward Darlene. "He's a liar, and he's afraid of needles."
Nico started to contradict her, but she was right and her frizzy red hair got stuffed in his mouth. He coughed and spit it out.
"Sweet Nico," Darlene said. "You don't have to be embarrassed. A lot of people are uncomfortable with needles. If it helps, you can think of the tool as more of a pen than anything. Do you want me to show you?"
"Not really." Nico was so glad he'd already vomited. "What I want is small, and maybe it'll be quick?"
Next to him, Clarisse stripped out of her shirt. Nico rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Sure, gorgeous. What do you want?"
"A trident. Small. Green."
Rachel kissed both his hands and squealed.
"What color green?"
"Ooh, I have it," Rachel said. She let go of Nico and pulled out her phone. After a moment, she handed it to Darlene.
"Mmm, cute one," Darlene said. She showed Nico the picture Rachel had chosen. Percy's luminous green eyes shone. "Boyfriend?"
"Something like that," Nico said. He'd been feeling better, though he was loathe to admit it, spending this time with Rachel and Clarisse, but seeing that picture of Percy brought back all the pain he'd been trying to escape. Maybe it showed on his face, because Rachel spun around on his lap so they were facing the same direction and laid her head on his chest.
"Where do you want the tattoo?" Darlene asked. Nico figured she'd seen stranger things than a boy coming in wanting a tattoo to remind him of his boyfriend all while a girl sat on his lap.
He shook Apollo's bracelet down and held his wrist out to Darlene. "Here. Next to the lightning bolt. Same size, please."
"Okay." Darlene blushed when she held Nico's wrist. "Um, Rachel, hon, you're gonna have to get off his lap."
"It's fine, Darlene," Rachel said. Her voice sounded funny, deeper and dreamy. "He's going to pass out, and you're going to want me up here. You’ll give him the tattoo anyway. He doesn't need paperwork, either."
Darlene nodded vacantly and moved off toward the ink.
"What did you do?" Nico asked.
"A little magic Chiron taught me," Rachel said. "I'm not entirely sure you getting a tattoo is exactly 'legal' so...whatever."
"I'm eighteen." This was humiliating.
Rachel turned her head and nipped his jaw. "Mmm, legal, even better."
"You are so gross. I don't remember you being like this."
"I told you, you got sexy," Rachel said. She nestled back against his chest. "Seriously, sweetie, lighten up. All of you demigods do lots of morally questionable things. It comes with the territory. You don't really think sleeping with someone is the worst thing you've ever done?"
"No. I know it's not, but...it's not who I wanted to be," Nico whispered.
"You're enjoying sex with a wonderful guy. You're not duping him, and you've been honest about your feelings for Percy and Jason, honey. You're not taking advantage of anyone. You're not hurting anyone. You sure as hell aren't betraying them, Nico." Rachel rubbed her head back and forth over Nico's heart. The movement felt comforting. "I'm gifted with clear sight, and when I look at you, I see a good, moral, kind man."
"Thanks, Rachel."
"In an incredibly hot, fantasy-worthy body."
"And there we are." Nico tried to push her off him, but Darlene was back and readying the gun thing. He decided Rachel could stay. "Am I really going to pass out?"
"So spectacularly." Rachel laughed. "Be glad Clarisse is getting an enormous drakon tattooed above her ass and won't notice. By the time you come to and drink some OJ, we'll be ready to send you home. It's okay, Nico. Needle coming."
Nico returned his attention to Darlene and saw an enormous needle of doom drawing near his wrist. He managed to say, "Oh, shit," before the room went dark.