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"It's ugly."
Ankh eyed the van with unveiled contempt. It was a hideous foreign thing, painted yellow and pink with the Cous Coussier logo plastered on the side. It not only went against the aesthetics of Japanese culture in general, it was a slight upon humanity as a whole. "I'll ride on top."
Eiji shook his head as he loaded the last pan of food into the backseat. "Absolutely not," he insisted. A moment later the food was properly buckled in and he pulled the door shut. "That'll just get us pulled over and we have a schedule to keep. You're riding up front, with me."
"Tch." Ankh scowled and kicked the closest tire he could reach. "Why did the old bat have to start catering anyway? It's just a pain in the ass."
"Not our place to say~" Eiji replied cheerily as he climbed into the driver's seat. "Now get in the car or I'll leave you behind."
Muttering under his breath, Ankh complied. Even he couldn't argue that riding was faster than walking.
~
Half an hour later, Eiji's forehead was on the steering wheel and Ankh couldn't decide if he wanted to gloat or start murdering people.
"The traffic's backed up for blocks," Eiji moaned into the dashboard. "We're stuck here until the train starts moving again."
"It's the car's fault," Ankh shot back immediately, stretching his legs up onto the dash. "It's so fucking ugly the world conspired to keep it from going anywhere ever again."
Sighing, Eiji sat up and leaned his head back against the headrest. "I'm sure we'll still get there, just...not in time." He checked his phone again, looking for a reply message from Chiyoko. "What a great way to start catering: getting stuck in endless traffic."
"You know," Ankh started with a smirk on his face, "we could just take care of all these losers. The two of us could clear this road fast, and you know it."
"No, Ankh." Eiji was firm, even if his voice belied some amusement at the suggestion. "We'll wait with everyone else."
"Tch."
~
Several more minutes passed, with only the occasional car horn punctuating the silence.
Just when Eiji thought they might actually get through this without incident, Ankh slammed his fist against the door and pulled his feet down from the dash. "I'm going to go fucking nuts in here if I don't do something soon," he growled, dragging one nail slowly across the windowglass.
"Okay, okay," Eiji replied hurriedly, trying to think of ways to keep the bird beside him from breaking the window and running for it. "We could play a word game? Here, I'll start." He looked into the traffic in front of him before looking back towards Ankh. "Truck. Now you go from there."
Ankh smirked. "Fuck."
Eiji blanched for a moment, something that did not go unnoticed by the greeed. "Ah, no, actually, it's...Ankh, you make a new word starting from the last letter of my word. Okay? So, yours would start with a 'k'..."
"Fine." Ankh stared sullenly for a moment. "Kill."
Eiji winced, but held his tongue. "Love."
"Eviscerate."
"Endure."
A moment passed as Ankh searched for a response. A smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth. "Erotic."
Eiji blinked. "Car."
"Ram."
For a moment Eiji paused, trying to veer his thoughts back on course. "Minicab."
Ankh grinned. "Blowjob."
A nearby horn sounded and Eiji nearly jumped out of his seat. He hadn't even realized how focused he was on the game, but now he could easily feel his fingers curling tightly around the steering wheel as Ankh leered at him from the passenger seat. "A-Ankh!" he protested as his cheeks flushed. "This...isn't really the time..."
Ankh shrugged. "Why not? That wheel's big enough that nobody's gonna see."
Flustered, Eiji tried to keep his eyes on the unmoving traffic. "I...I'd see..."
"Good."
Eiji floundered for a moment, trying to find the words the protest Ankh's sudden proposition. But then Ankh's hand cupped the growing bulge in his pants and Eiji couldn't help but moan in need. Experienced fingers deftly unfastened Eiji's pants, before pulling his cock out into the open.
The human squeaked Ankh's name once more, then Eiji's voice disappeared as Ankh's mouth slid around his growing erection. Ankh's mouth was warm and wet, his tongue skilled, and Eiji's fingers gripped the wheel tighter and tighter as Ankh took his time in drawing delicious sounds from the helpless driver.
"Ah--Ankh, you, I..." Eiji whimpered as Ankh continued to suck him off, fingers twitching. "We...should..."
Ankh's response was an annoyed hum, followed by a skillful flick of his tongue. Giving a strangled moan, Eiji abandoned all hope of reprieve and curled around the steering wheel. One hand drifted down to tangle in Ankh's curls, dragging his nails against Ankh's scalp as the greeed continued his ministrations.
If time passed, neither of them felt it. But Ankh could feel the telltale twitching at Eiji's thigh and brought one talon over to drag needily down the human's leg. Eiji responded with a gasp, his fingers tightening in Ankh's hair as he hunched over and desperately exploded into Ankh's waiting mouth.
"Ahhhhh....Ankh..." Eiji murmured a minute later, as the greeed sat up and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. "I..."
Ankh smirked. "You're holding up the traffic, idiot."
"...huh?" Eiji blinked over at Ankh, then finally to the road, where the next car was easily a dozen meters away and moving at a nearly-normal pace. "O-oh! Crap!" Too surprised to even rearrange his clothing, Eiji put the car back into drive and hurried to catch back up with traffic.
~
Arriving at the catered event only twenty minutes late, Ankh nearly laughed himself to death as Eiji opened the door without having fixed his pants.