Chapter Text
The woman was tall, about 5 '8 feet, and wearing baggy clothes that made it hard to tell what her body shape was. Her skin was so pale it looked pearlescent in the low lighting, which highlighted the veins around her eyes. Not only that, but her brown hair, which was cut short, was all over the place and sticking out in odd angles.
Her clothes were clearly pajamas. An oversized black t-shirt with faded characters on it, basketball shorts that looked like they came out of the men’s section of Walmart, and some faded yellow flip-flops. What caught Jack’s attention though was the fact he recognized the cloak and weapons she was both carrying and wearing. The cloak belonged to the head-honcho of those Chinese gods he fought, and the sword she had a death grip on was from one of the head goons.
She stalked forwards to the guy, getting up in his face. “I won your little trial, bitch. That means you,” she pointed the sword dangerously close to the old bastard’s face before pointing it at the container the three men were in. “Have to let them leave with me, instead of being some weird experiment.”
Wait, what?
The confusion must’ve been comically evident on the three men’s faces for the woman to explain.
“This old bitch wanted to experiment with y’all, I don’t know why, probably for either sex or soldiers or both,” she started, shooting the man a warning look. “And he said that if I beat y’all’s villains y’all would be free and leave with me. So, I did it.” She finished with a proud smile, hand on her hip.
Wait… WHAT? If that was the case then not only did she take on the whole of prison New York, but also the thing and the four Chinese gods. This shouldn’t be possible, but it must’ve been true.
The old guy looked furious and perplexed. “How?” He seethed, glaring at her, though she didn’t seem bothered as she turned around and faced him. “I outsmarted them.” She said, sounding more and more insane. It reminded all three men in the glass kennel of Jim Carrey’s performance in The Mask .
“You see, you fucked up letting me choose when to spawn them in.” She idly twirled the sword around as she paced, explaining how the fuck she pulled it off.
“I spawned in the prison island of New York, then I let the thing take care of them. So that eliminates New York, but leaves a very large and pissed alien off. So, I let the Chinese gods deal with it.” She pivoted on her foot to fully face the old man.
“Then how, pray tell, did you defeat the gods?” He asked, and the woman just smiled.
“You see, while they were busy with each other I went to a library and did some research on Chinese mythology. Since everyone was assimilated into the thing I didn’t have to worry about being stopped. The thing couldn’t assimilate the gods because I distinctly remembered that it could only replicate organic things, which the gods are not. They’re spiritual.” The fact she knew about the thing seemingly very well was a bit disconcerting. “So, I then went up to one of the storms after the thing was taken care of and challenged him to something he couldn’t win.”
“I challenged him to not react to me punching him in the dick.” She sounded way too proud of that. “But, I twisted my words around. I said if I win and he doesn’t react he gets to kill me but if I won I got his sword. He was so full of himself because of his sexist views and god complex, pun intended, that he didn’t catch me twisting my words.” She cackled. “So when he won I got his sword and killed his ass before going for the other two. Then it was just me using the fact they underestimated me because I’m a girl. The big guy was a bit hard to take out, but I used the same method on the first guy to trick him into killing himself.”
She stuck her arms out, grinning like a hyena. “I fucking outsmarted them!” She exclaimed before cackling.
Everyone else was standing in shock and slight concern because this woman was clearly having a manic episode.
The old guy huffed, clearly put off. “This doesn’t mean a thing.” He said, trying to swindle her. The woman could immediately tell he was trying to pull some underhanded shit, so she just stabbed him with the sword through the chest. The shock alone was enough to immediately kill the old fuck.
After rummaging through his pockets, she took out not only several key cards but also his wallet. Then she approached the three men, who were now mildly concerned for their safety. She skipped up to the sealed door, leaving the sword in the old-fuck’s chest, before opening the door with one of the key cards.
“Okay, y’all are free. I’m going to rob this bastard blind now.” She said, going over to the imposing desk and immediately started rummaging.
MacReady stepped out first, hands raised up in the air. “Wait, wait wait wait. You know about our universes?” He said, the other two following behind him before rounding to the opposite sides of the helicopter pilot.
The woman sighed, her dropping as she stopped trying to figure out which key card was to open the desk drawers. “In this universe, y’all are movie characters played by the same actor.” She said, before the desk drawer shot open. She let out a “HA” noise as she pulled out a list. “This dumb fucker wrote down all his passwords and listed them to what they belonged to.”
The realization that all their pain and suffering was entertainment and fake in this universe pissed all three of them off, though it explained why the three of them looked alike.
Sensing their animosity the woman looked over the large monitor. “Chill, I didn’t fucking write or direct y’all’s movies. I do watch them though, I will give y’all that.” She said, smirking deviously as she switched all of his assets to her name, as well as empty his bank account into her own. “I don’t know why he chose y’all specifically for his first time taking people from alternate universes, but he did. I’m just someone who was there at the right time and place to stop him from doing whatever the fuck he was trying to do.”
So, she was similar to Jack in that way.
With all the weird shit going on the three men internally agreed to just not question things for a while because otherwise they’d go insane. Everything was a bit much right now so just going along with it was probably for the best.