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If the game that morning hadn’t been so exhausting, if Kevin hadn’t been so insistent on watching old championship reruns on full volume on his laptop in their room, if Neil hadn’t been able to tell that Andrew was secretly very invested in the cooking show that was on the living room TV- if any of those circumstances had been different, they likely never would have fallen asleep the way they did.
As it was, neither Andrew or Neil had an easy time sleeping while exposed, and falling asleep together somewhere they could be seen publicly was not something either party was typically comfortable with. But they were tired and it had been a rough stretch of days, so when Andrew sat on the couch and impatiently motioned with his eyes for Neil to sit beside him, Neil collapsed a little closer than he might usually, their thighs and shoulders brushing in a way that made him feel warm and content from the inside out.
They were both too tired to speak beyond basic grunts about turning up the volume, and Neil’s mind was stuck replaying every mistake he had made during the game, so they let their sides press together and watched in silence as the chefs panicked on screen.
Normally Neil was better about funneling his criticisms of his own poor performance during games into fuel to practice harder, but he had woken violently from blood-splattered nightmares every night for the last week, and the loss that morning was sending him spiraling more than he would like to admit. How much could he afford to mess up before the Moriyamas decided he wasn’t worth it and decided to cut him loose? What if they decided to nullify not only his agreement, but Jean’s and Kevin’s too?
Logically, he knew he was catastrophizing, but he couldn’t stop seeing himself in his nightmares, clinging to the ground with broken and bloodied fingernails as they dragged him away from Andrew. Or carving into Jean before going for Kevin. Or deciding that Neil hadn’t suffered enough and going after Andrew or Matt or Abby instead.
His thoughts were spinning so much that he hadn’t even noticed himself falling asleep, his eyes fluttering closed as his head fell back on the couch. He blinked his eyes open at some point when he felt gentle hands repositioning him, but he recognized the rough brush of Andrew’s calluses and sleepily allowed himself to be settled further against the goalkeeper’s warm side.
A loud bang startled him awake sometime later, and he was moving before he had time to think. Andrew’s body was under his, and he had his arms around him and was rolling them off the couch until they hit the floor as he felt the other man flailing for his armbands. Neil landed on top and quickly pushed himself up until he was securely between Andrew and the door, with the bottom of the couch covering him on one side and the coffee table partially obscuring him on the other.
Neil’s arms shook where he held himself up, hovering as close to Andrew’s body as he could without touching him, his head tucked down and his chest shielding Andrew’s face. His breaths were coming hard and fast, and adrenaline was pumping through his blood so hard that he wasn’t yet able to take a proper inventory of whether there were bullets or shrapnel in his back. His eyes frantically scanned every bit of Andrew’s body that he could see: his exposed upper arms, his legs covered only by light sweatpants. If there was a fire or more bullets heading their way, the goalkeeper had next to no protection aside from Neil’s body.
He could feel his heartbeat racing and his mouth curled back in something approaching a snarl as he continued to take stock of the situation. He was selecting the best option from his mental rolodex of escape plans when the fog finally cleared enough for him to hear Andrew’s voice.
“-osten. Neil.” Andrew’s eyes were heavy on him from below, tense but focused as he brought his attention down. “It’s Nicky.”
It took him a few more moments to notice Andrew’s arms held out to either side of him, knives at the ready. But not pointed at Neil. No, they were pointed away from him, primed and ready to throw at whatever target presented itself as a threat to Neil’s back.
Something about that made Neil start to shake even harder, the trembling seeming to radiate from somewhere in his core now.
He heard the familiar voice as if through water. “Oh my god, Neil. I am so sorry. Are you okay?” Andrew said it was Nicky. It sounded like Nicky. “Really, oh god- the window was open, and the breeze pushed the door shut harder than I- Neil? Andrew, what’s wrong with him?”
What’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with him?
“Neil.” Andrew moved slowly, re-sheathing his knives and tucking his arms by his sides, not touching him. And that was what finally broke through the fog. Andrew was afraid to touch him.
He pushed himself up and scrambled away, his legs weaker than he realized and sending him crashing to the floor.
What the hell was he doing, caging Andrew in like that? Andrew, who trusted him enough to let him fall asleep on him, who trusted him enough not to automatically use his knives when grabbed like that.
“Neil.” Andrew’s voice was a little sharper, a little harsher, but Neil couldn’t stick around to be told just how far he’d overstepped. He was already moving, his legs wobbly as he made a beeline for the bathroom.
He sank to the floor and tried to regulate his breathing. His hands shook, and he had to resist the insane urge to detach them from his body. He could move dorms, switch with Aaron again. The blonde would be angry, sure, but as much as Neil disliked the other twin, he would understand if it was for Andrew’s benefit. Was there an earthquake happening? Why was the floor shaking so much?
“Rabbit.” The voice came from just outside the bathroom door, and Neil jumped a little. He hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps, and that scared him. “Open the door.”
Nicky’s voice sounded from a little further away. “Andrew, maybe we should-”
“Leave.” Andrew’s voice was flat, but Neil could hear the underlying threat. Nicky apparently could as well, because there were no more words before he heard the distant sound of the apartment door closing.
After waiting a few more seconds, Andrew gently tried the doorknob, knowing that Neil would have locked it if he felt truly unsafe or was too far in his head to resist the instinct. It had been a close thing, but he was the one in the wrong here. If Andrew wanted to follow and tell him just how much, he wasn’t within his rights to avoid it, was he?
Neil almost flinched when he felt the hand on the back of his neck, and his head whipped up to see hazel eyes tracing his face. “You’re an idiot.”
And just like that, every muscle in Neil’s body went limp. He knew Andrew could feel it, because he let go of his neck and crouched on the floor across from him.
“Your martyr complex knows no bounds.”
Neil’s voice was surprisingly sleep-laden still when he said, “Are you alright?”
Andrew raised his eyebrows, unimpressed. “No. Nicky shot me after you ran.”
“I grabbed you.”
Something closer to anger flitted across Andrew’s face. This is it. “It would be overkill to call you an idiot twice in so little time.”
Now Neil was lost. Andrew huffed at whatever look was on his face. “250%” He stood and held out his hand. “Up. Brownie batter, cotton candy, and caramel cone. At least.”
When he didn’t move to take Andrew’s hand, the blonde looked toward the ceiling as if asking for patience from a god that Neil knew full well he didn’t believe in. “Your human shield act. Don’t do it again.”
“But I-”
Andrew cut him off. “I’m leaving for ice cream in five minutes. I’ll be in the Mas.”
And then Andrew was gone, the bathroom door shut securely behind him. Neil could hear him stopping to tell Kevin where he was going- the bastard probably hadn’t heard a thing over the volume of his Exy game- and then the apartment door was shutting for what seemed to be the millionth time.
Neil looked down only to realize that the shaking in his hands had nearly subsided. Human shield act? There had been no disgust on his face, no rightful anger or fear. No words that would end this. End them. Just ice cream.
A banging on the bathroom door roused him from his confusion. “Neil? I have to piss.”
Kevin’s annoying voice was finally enough to get him off the floor, and Neil quickly splashed some water on his face before exiting past the grumbly striker and into the hallway.
And when Neil finally made it outside only to see Andrew leaning against the Mas and smoking a cigarette instead of behind the wheel ready to take off, he didn’t say a word.
—————
Nicky generally thought of himself as a gentle soul, someone who tried to put others at ease whenever possible, even if it meant making a fool of himself. He could be loud and over-the-top and flamboyant, but he was who he was, and what was wrong with that?
On the other hand, he did get called clueless and “a fucking moron” often enough to know that sometimes his intentions didn’t translate as well as he hoped.
This seemed to be one of those times.
He had just been so excited; he didn’t mean for the door to slam behind him like that, but the window was open and the breeze coming through caught it at just the right angle for it to close with all the subtlety of a stampeding elephant.
He had only just caught sight of the sleeping pair on the couch (otherwise he might have screeched loudly enough to wake them anyway), but the second the door closed, nobody was sleeping anymore. Nicky watched as Neil moved faster than he ever would have thought possible, the man’s arms coming around Andrew and rolling them off and onto the floor. In the same breath, Andrew’s hands were moving for his armbands, and Nicky had only a moment to be afraid that he was about to watch his cousin stab his own boyfriend before the blades were turned in his direction and he flinched back, but the sharp pain never came.
It was all over in less than a second, and Nicky watched as Neil’s back began to heave, his shoulders tense and arms shaking slightly as he desperately scanned Andrew’s body. Andrew’s arms held the knives at the ready, away from Neil’s back and toward the perceived threat.
“Josten,” Andrew said, voice low and steady. Aside from the slight shakiness of his limbs and heavier than usual breaths, Neil was as still as a statue, his body a hard line of defense, tensed and ready. “Josten. Neil.” Andrew raised his voice slightly when he got no response. “It’s Nicky.”
Right, him. He was the perceived threat.
“Oh my god, Neil. I am so sorry. Are you okay?” His cousin shot him a look that could only be described as venomous, his hands only tightening on the knives he still held at the ready. Nicky threw his hands up in surrender. “Really, oh god- the window was open, and the breeze pushed the door shut harder than I- Neil?” Nicky knew he was babbling, but Neil’s shaking only seemed to be getting worse. “Andrew, what’s wrong with him?”
If Nicky thought Andrew was already glaring daggers at him, the look only intensified with the question. He only realized how it sounded after the words were out in the air and he winced.
Andrew called Neil’s name a couple more times, something almost like concern crossing his face before Neil moved suddenly, throwing himself backward and onto the floor, his whole body quivering like a leaf. The two men seemed to be in some kind of silent standoff before Neil was up and running. Nicky heard the bathroom door closing surprisingly softly seconds later.
If Andrew didn’t have something more pressing to deal with and hadn’t already put the knives away, Nicky was certain they would have been somewhere near his neck or abdomen by now.
“I’m sorr-”
Andrew was walking out of the living room before Nicky even had a chance to finish. He was going to have to bake so many cupcakes to dig himself out of this one.
He followed him toward the bathroom, intent on helping however he could, and something in Nicky’s chest twinged when Andrew said, “Rabbit,” in a softer voice that he had ever heard. “Open the door.”
A soft shuffling noise was the only response.
Nicky tried again. “Andrew, maybe we should-”
“Leave.”
And Nicky may be “a fucking idiot” more often than not, but he had spent enough time with Andrew to recognize his tone, and it was not a request. So with only another second or two of hesitation, just to be sure he wasn’t needed, he turned on his heel and left the apartment again. He couldn’t even remember what news he had been so excited to share in the first place.
Nicky stood in the hallway for a moment, his mind reeling over the events of the last five minutes, before he practically ran down the hallway and pounded on the door to the girls’ dorm.
Allison answered a few seconds later, her face already pinched in an irritated scowl. “What the hell-”
Nicky couldn’t keep it in any longer. “Andrew and Neil cuddle!”
The blonde blinked before opening the door a little wider. “Come in.”