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It was strange. Everything had faded from bright light to darkness. He had expected pain. What else would one expect from hell? But this didn’t feel like hell at all. In fact, it felt like nothing.
No, it felt like absence. Was that possible? To feel absence? But that was the only way his consciousness was able to describe it. It wasn’t dark, it was an absence of light. It wasn’t oppressive, but floating, an absence of gravity. It wasn’t silent, it was an absence of sound. There was no taste, no smell, just an absence of life.
And yet, he felt whole, not just a soul in limbo. But if asked he couldn’t move, there was an absence of self. An absence of a world to interact with. A world he left behind.
After all the turmoil of his life, he had expected the end to be pain. That if he was lucky he would not have to traverse all 18 levels of hell. He imagined that after 600 years of conflict, his time in hell would be twice as long, if not more.
So this absence of everything, while not unwelcome, was perplexing. Was this just the calm before the storm? Would his reprieve be short or long? Not that he could tell exactly, there was an absence of time. Even still, he had a vague sense of time passing very, very slowly. Not that he could explain how he knew that. There was no ticking, or night and day. Somehow his consciousness was aware of something.
Maybe, at some point, this absence could be its own hell. Although he expected it would take centuries to even get close to that concept. Perhaps when he had had enough of nothing, they would send him off to hell. Until then all he could do was wait.
At first, his thoughts were permeated by the hope and longing that his sacrifice would yield the result he bargained for. Soon after, his soul mourned the loss of those he loved, because there was an absence of tears. He couldn’t tell you how long each phase took. They simultaneously felt like minutes and eternity.
And when all his dreams and sorrows were spent, there was an absence of thought. Just being.
So as you can imagine, after residing in limbo for so long (or short?), waking up was a tremendous shock. The rush of his senses was overwhelming. Light had been blinding. The weight of his own body, oppressing. The cacophony of sound, soft and loud, rang thunderously in his ears. Even the lightest smell, mixed with so many others, was pungent and made him gag. The taste of bile in his mouth was extremely bitter and sour.
Oh yes, the transition from purgatory to the living world was harsh. Exhausting, absolutely. And after rinsing his mouth out, drying his face, and staring at his image in the mirror, utterly disorientating. If not a little bewildering.
A strong sense of ‘he shouldn’t be there’ settled in his stomach. Hell should have been the next step. Panic crashed over him. Had the deal gone bad? Was his sacrifice not enough? Despite how out of sorts he felt, he stumbled his way out of his apartment.
On the sidewalk outside, he pulled a key fob from his pocket and debated for a moment. Drive or bus? Not quite trusting his newly reborn senses, but the thought of overloading them with multiple bodies, smells and sounds, made his choice for him. It wasn’t ideal but easier on his fragile psyche.
Fortunately, muscle memory guided him to his destination. His legs on automatic, carrying him through the building to the elevator and to that door. If he doubted that he was living, his pounding heart was a good reminder. But now that he was here, he was unsure if he could continue. What if this had been all some bad dream and he hadn’t found a way to save his brother? What if King Odo decided to cancel the deal? Or even more incredible, what if his brother was alive and by some miracle he was too? That alone made his eyes sting. It was too much to hope for. It was that fear that kept him frozen outside that door for several minutes.
Taking a deep breath, he pressed the chime. His rekindled hearing caught the sounds of shuffling inside.
He held his breath.
And the door opened.
For one infinite instant the world stopped for both of them.
Shock, disbelief dominated their features at the sight of the other. Eyes dripping with hope and fear. The moment shattered at the soft utterance, “Rang-ah?”
And the answering, “Yeon?”
Suddenly, a body crashed into him, squeezing, seeking reassurance that it was real. His name falling breathily from those red lips, “Rang-ah, is it really you? Have you really returned?”
But his responding embrace was just as fervent. Tears slipping free, he was so grateful. “It worked. You’re here, hyung. I missed you so much.”
Those words stirred a heartache that had plagued him for centuries. This time would be different. “I missed you too, dongsaeng. I’m never losing you again.” They clung to each other desperately, healing gaping wounds that had festered for way too long.
They didn’t know how long they stood there crying in each other’s arms. Not that it mattered. For the first time in ages, all was right in the world. And yes, as always, the world marched on and the moment would have to end eventually.
Regretfully, Yeon pulled back. He wanted to take in the sight of his kid brother. One hand gently ran his fingers through those ebony locks. Then slowly made its way to cup his cheek. His thumb gently grazing the scrape still present there. “Rang-ah.” Patting his cheek briefly, he pulled the young man into the apartment and shut the door.
Unable to stop himself, Yeon yanked him back into another hug. “Rang-ah, you’re really back.”
“Apparently,” he smirked. Then he pushed away, inquiring, “How?” At his brother’s bashful glance at Ji-ah (who had not escaped the emotional rollercoaster), questioned further, “Why am I not stuck in the fifth level of hell right now?”
Sniffling, Ji-ah wiped her eyes and nose before answering. “We made a deal.”
“Why?! Why would you do that? I gave my life for Yeon’s. Why couldn’t you just leave it? I’m not worth it.” The initial fire quickly dwindled, still exhausted and weary.
“You’re wrong, my dongsaeng. You are worth any sacrifice and more.” Rendered speechless for a moment, Yeon took advantage, cupping one hand along his cheek. “More than anyone in this world, you deserve a second chance.”
Trembling from the flood of emotions, the half breed didn’t protest the warm arms that encircled him again. All the pain, hardship, fear just poured out of him. The child buried deep in his heart was finally able to let go.
When the tears finally abated, Rang found himself on the couch, leaning against his brother’s chest. The older man’s arms holding him, soothing away the last remnants of his break down. Coming back to himself, he sat up. Wiping his face clean with the sleeve of his jacket, he mumbled, “Pathetic, aren’t I?”
“Not at all.” The older fox disagreed, moving a stray strand away from those expressive eyes. “You have been bottled up and repressed for six centuries. I think you’ve earned a release.”
Deciding to ignore the can of worms that could open up, Rang needed to know, “So, what did my freedom cost exactly?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. It matters to me.” The other two shared a glance but remained silent. Frustrated, he got up, took several steps away, his back to them. “I know there was a cost. There’s always a cost. When we found the old man, he would only trade life for a life. The fact that we are both standing here is contradictory to that deal. So who actually made the deal and for how much? I need to know.”
“Rang-ah, don’t wo-”
“We did.” Ji-ah cut her husband off and ignored the incredulous glare he gave her. For once, she understood the younger fox. In the search for her parents, the quest to save Yeon, not once but twice. And had they reversed places, she would want to know as well. So instead of letting the foxes verbally dance, she decided to do something no one considered. Be honest and tell the truth.
Clearing her throat, she continued. “We sought out King Odo again and traded with him.”
“Why him? Was there really no other way?”
“It had to be him,” she explained. “When you traded your life, he kept you in his bag instead of sending you to hell. There was no soul to reincarnate, despite the old woman’s contract. The only way we could free you was dealing with Odo again.”
“What did you offer in exchange?”
“He had seemed eager for the fox bead last time, so we gave it back to him.”
“And that’s it?”
Clearing his throat, Yeon admitted, “No, Ji-ah and I gave up ten years of our lives.”
Rang squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. Shaking his head, he whispered hoarsely, “Even that’s too much for someone like me.”
At that, Yeon was on his feet, closing the distance between them. Grabbing the half breed’s shoulders, forcing their eyes to meet, he reminded, “I already told you it was worth it. Every second.” He hugged the younger man again.
Rang didn’t think so but he didn’t come here to fight, so he moved on. Head resting on his brother’s shoulder, he asked, “How long have I been gone?”
“Four hundred and twenty-one days.”
So just over a year, Rang calculated. Frowning, he wondered, “Why did it take so long? We were able to get you back in six months.”
Yeon patted his brother’s back and sighed. “Yeah, well, we ran into some complications.”
Stepping back, Rang’s frown remained. “Compli… wait, did you sign a contract with the old hag again?”
Shrugging, the older fox reminded, “I was trying to get you reincarnated. And I already lost four months because I was human.”
“But Ji-ah just said, I wasn’t dead.” Pointing at the woman, Rang glanced between them for confirmation.
“We found that out later.” Yeon explained. “I had already signed the contract by then.”
Scoffing, the younger man wasn’t all that surprised, “So she tricked you? Tell me you told her to stuff it once you found out she lied.”
“Well, not exactly.”
Furious on his brother’s behalf, Rang growled, “I’ll kill her.”
Yeon immediately stepped in front of outraged fox, blocking his way. “Rang-ah, stop. She gave me the option to cancel the contract when we confronted her. Instead, we renegotiated.”
“What are the terms now?”
At this, Yeon struggled to get the words out. He knew the reality of them but that didn’t make it any easier. He wanted his brother to understand how much he truly cared. Forcing the words past his lips, he began, “I, uh… I have lived a very long time and could continue to live forever if I wanted to. The contract will terminate when Ji-ah and I die.”
“What?” The earlier rage returning. “You’re giving up the rest of your life?”
“I lived too long without her.” Yeon sounded more weary than angry. Softly, he admitted, “I don’t think I have the strength to wait 600 years again.”
Rang kinda understood. In many respects he had been waiting 600 years to die, anything to escape the contract. And once more his brother was bound by the hag. He wanted to know why. “You said you were working toward my reincarnation. What are you working for now?”
“Yours still.”
“Mine? But I’m here now.”
And this was the part that the older fox struggled with. What he always knew was inevitable but never wanted to deal with. Softly, he admitted, “You won’t be here forever. Despite the traitor’s intentions, we have been fortunate enough to have you with us longer than we should have. It’s only a matter of time before you leave us again. And once you do, you will be reincarnated, not as a dokdo shrimp but as a full fox.”
“Without you? Well, I don’t want it.”
“Rang-ah, don’t be like that.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” The half breed shot back. “It was never about being a full fox or a full human. It was about being a family. Being accepted for who I was. I never met our father. And my mother hated me. Those few short years were everything to me. I didn’t even care that you split time between me and Ah-eum. Because at the end of the day you were still my brother.”
Stumbling back a bit, the memories tried to overwhelm him. “And then I lost you. Not once, not twice, but three times. I lost you after the mountain fires. I lost you, after the village,” he choked. “ And by my own hand, I lost you to the river.”
“Rang-ah…”
“You never needed or wanted a brat like me. You didn’t need a family. You were a god. I was nothing.” He began but then reconsidered, “No, I was something. I was Lee Yeon’s brother. And that was the best feeling in the world. And you want me to live without that? Without you? I don’t want it.”
“Oh Rang-ah,” Yeon pulled him back into his embrace, tears falling. “I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. But you’re wrong. I needed and wanted you. I didn’t realize it at first. When father told me about you, my curiosity sought you out. But even before I met you, I knew I needed to take you home. I spoke with that horrible woman you called mother. She told me where she left you. An anger so hot burned in my chest, it took all of my strength not to kill her right then. How dare she treat a fox like that? And not just any fox, but my kin.”
Yeon pulled back, eyes burning fiercely, meeting that doubtful gaze. “The moment I saw you, even bruised and disheveled, I thought you were beautiful. I wasn’t leaving without you. I just had to see if your spirit was tenacious enough and you accepted my challenge like a true fox. But it was the moment you smiled up at me and took my hand the cemented your place in my heart. A feeling of such pride swelled in me, nothing like I had ever experienced before. And that was just the start.”
So many emotions stirred at those old memories. “Your smile, your laughter, your cheer at every accomplishment filled me with such warmth. I loved Ah-eum, as a man and a woman do. But the love I shared with you brought meaning to my life. Before you, I would feel sadness at a broken branch or anger at a loss. But from the moment I brought you home, you changed me. The ah gwi poison had worked its way through. It pained me to watch you suffer. I feared losing you. I had never been afraid before. So you see. I needed you and wanted you in my life.”
“Why did things have to go so wrong for us?” The younger man hiccupped, battling his own emotional tempest.
“Because the gods don’t understand human feelings or what’s important.” Yeon confessed, “Just like I didn’t at first. And an evil snake that took advantage of our weakness. But he’s gone now for good, and we can finally start over. Let’s just enjoy it.”
“Fine,” Rang conceded, extracting himself once more. “But we will discuss this contract again. Right now, I’m really tired.” It was true. A few hours ago, he was lost in an absence of everything. And now he was overwhelmed, exhausted trying to take everything in.
Watching those heavy laden eyes, Yeon offered, “Stay here. Sleep in the guest room. The gang will be here tonight for dinner. They will be excited to see you again.”
“Do they know? About your deal?” Rang was curious to know.
Ji-ah rejoined the conversation, clarifying. “They knew we had been searching but we didn’t tell them we found him. It took a few days before Yeon’s return after your deal. So we wanted to wait before getting their hopes up.”
“And this time?”
“We saw him a week ago.”
“Oh.” He stood there for a moment debating his course. Stay or go? But his body’s need won out. Emotional exhaustion was quickly draining his strength. “I think I will take you up on that offer.” Moving sluggishly toward the hallway, he paused. “One more thing before I go. You said you found out that I was in Odo’s bag. How?”
“Hyunuiong,” the former mountain god answered with a smirk. “He had been searching all the hells for you whenever he could spare time. When he couldn’t find you, he figured out that you weren’t really dead. When we confronted granny about it, she showed me your file and confirmed there was no death date. Odo’s bag was the only logical choice as to your whereabouts. That’s when we started hunting him down. But he comes and goes as he pleases. So it took six months to find him, which was last week.”
Nodding, Rang accepted the explanation. His brain too overloaded right now to examine it further. He really needed to sleep. When he got in the room, he didn’t bother with the lights or even the bed sheets. He crashed right on top and slept the sleep of the dead.
---
The next time Rang woke up, he found himself tucked under the blankets and his jacket removed. It wasn’t his bed. Then he remembered he had stayed at Yeon’s after returning from purgatory. At least that was the best explanation considering he wasn’t in either heaven or hell and those catholics had that convenient limbo in between.
In truth he wouldn’t have minded going back to sleep, but he could hear noises beyond. His brother had also said that the guys would be there later. No point in putting off the inevitable, not that he was avoiding it. A part of him was just as anxious to see them again. It was those dark voices in the back of his mind that constantly persisted, hinting that they may not be happy to see him.
Banishing those doubts, Rang sat up. Tossing the blankets aside, he looked at his rumpled clothes and frowned. Perhaps he should have gone home. Making his was over to the closet, he wasn’t surprised to find a whole wardrobe there. While his brother didn’t indulge in the most expensive clothes, he did have style. Rang considered what was there and found some items that were casual.
He collected the articles and headed to the bathroom to freshen up a bit before greeting the rest of his family.
---
In the kitchen, Shin ju was busy preparing their meal. He was used to doing this so he found it odd that Yeon was hovering so much tonight. “Yeon-nim, you can go wait. I’ve got this.”
“I know, I just want to make sure everything’s perfect.”
Worried now, the fox questioned, “Have I done something wrong?”
Chuckling at the naïve misinterpretation, Yeon placed a reassuring hand on the other’s back. “No, your food is always great. Just do your best.”
Shaking his head, Shin ju went back to work.
In the living room, Yuri and Ji-ah sat on the couch while Soo-oh worked on some homework on the coffee table. “How is school going?” Ji-ah inquired and it wasn’t the kid she was talking to.
Yuri groaned, “I didn’t know that vet techs needed to know so much. All that terminology is difficult. I’m barely getting by.”
“Stick with it. I’m sure it will get easier as you go. At least you two get to work together legitimately now.”
Smiling, Yuri’s face lit up. “Yeah, I’m really enjoying helping care for the pets. I was clueless when I brought Anastasia to him, now I could care for him on my own.” Her smile faded as her thoughts brought her back in time, to when Rang had heard the dog’s cries and they rescued him from those cruel humans. A sad chortle escaped. “I wonder what Rang-nim would say if he found out I was in school.”
Ji-ah practically choked on her drink. Glancing surreptitiously down the hall, wondering when said fox would emerge. Yeon had checked on him for the fifth time just before their guests arrived. Rang was still out to the world. And Yeon felt it best to let him sleep and wake when he was ready.
And yet, earlier in the day, the older fox had fussed over his brother. Clicking his tongue as he carefully maneuvered the half breed out of his jacket and under the covers. The man was practically in tears when he exited the room. She had asked him what was wrong.
“Rang-i hasn’t changed. I always had to tuck him in after a long day. I can’t believe I am able to do it again.” Sad eyes were locked on the door.
Chuckling, Ji-ah reminded, “Rang is 600 years old. I’m not sure he would appreciate you getting all sappy about it now.”
“I don’t doubt that. It’s just, we only got him back and I don’t want him getting sick.”
He seemed legitimately worried about it, curious now Ji-ah asked, “Can your kind catch colds?”
“Not normally, but Rang-ah is only half fox. His human half is just as susceptible as any of you.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“It’s not like we go around advertising his weakness.” Yeon snapped a little, then sighed. She wasn’t the enemy. It was ok to be a little vulnerable around his wife. She didn’t know what had happened back then. The trouble he went through to keep his brother well. “As a kid he often got sick. Maybe I should check on him again. He looked pale before.”
“Stop. He’s fine. Coming back from the dead is probably stressful. And he was obviously exhausted. He just needs some rest.” She wrapped her arms around his, slowly drawing him away.
“But…”
“No buts. Leave him be. Were you always a mother hen?” She laughed at his scowl. The man managed a whole hour before checking again.
Now that day had given way to evening, she was getting a little worried that Rang hadn’t woken yet. Of course, when he did, she couldn’t wait for their reactions.
The two women continued to talk about everything and nothing while they waited for Shin ju to finish. About ten minutes later, the vet was calling, “Yuri-ah, can you set the table?”
But Yeon quickly countered, “I’ll do it!”
Shocked, Shin ju gasped, “What has gotten into you, Yeon-nim?”
Grinning mischievously, the mountain god offered, “It’s been a good day.”
“Well, dinner should be done in five minutes. So hurry up.” Turning back to the stove, he stirred the noodles.
“Anything I can do to help?”
“No, Rang-nim, I’ve…” The man froze. Then turned sharply to take in the speaker. Eyes disbelieving what he was seeing, his throat tightening. “Lee Rang-nim?”
From her perspective, Ji-ah grinned when Yuri sprang to her feet, hands covering her mouth. Tears immediately traced her face.
Soo-oh had sat up, then jumped to his feet. “Ahjussi!” The innocence of youth didn’t worry about pretenses. Seconds later he crashed into Rang’s side. “You’re back!”
“Yup,” Rang smiled, his hand tussling that shaggy hair. “You better have been behaving while I was gone.”
“I’m tenth in my class now.” The kid announced proudly.
“That’s my geumdong.” Calling over his shoulder, he admonished, “Ya, Shin ju, why haven’t you gotten this kid a hair cut?”
The vet had made his way over, still dazed by this sudden reveal. Absently, he answered, “I’ve tried, but he keeps putting it off.” One hand gripped the half breed’s shoulder tightly, allowing touch to confirm what he was seeing. “Lee Rang-nim?” Eyes bright with unshed tears.
“Aish, no need to get all sentimental.” Rang brushed the hand off.
Yuri had slowly moved around the couch and was within arm’s reach. Her breath hitched. Soo-oh stepped back and took the vet with him. The moment the space opened up, she launched herself at her savior. “Lee Rang-nim!” Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, face smothered into his chest.
Rang couldn’t stop himself from returning the hug. She had always managed to get past his defenses. “Yuri-ah.”
Squeezing desperately, afraid if she let go she would lose him again, she wept sloppily against his chest, “I missed you so much. I missed you so much, I thought I would die.”
Words that echoed his so long ago, hit harder than he expected. Hugging her just as fiercely, he whispered in her hair, “I missed you too.”
Emotions careening all over the place, she abruptly pulled back and punched his shoulder lightly. “Don’t you ever do anything like that again!”
Laughing, he agreed, “I’ll do my best not to.”
“Lee Rang-nim, how, why, how?” Shin ju was struggling to wrap his mind around it all.
The corner of his mouth quirked up as Rang’s gaze darted between the culprits. “Ask my brother and sister-in-law for that explanation.”
Shin ju was about to speak when Yeon cut him off. Grinning like the Cheshire cat, the red head, announced, “We can discuss that during dinner. The table is set.”
Catching on, Shin ju glared at his master, stating rather than asking, “So that’s why you wanted to set the table.” Yeon just shrugged.
“I want to sit next to Ahjussi!” Soo-oh claimed his spot. Not that Rang minded.
“This is real, isn’t it?” Yuri still had a death grip on his arm.
Rang patted her hand. “Yes, I’m here. And you won’t be getting rid of me any time soon.” Still arm in arm, they headed in and had the first of many more meals together.