Archive of Our Own ^beta

Day 6: Mesmerize

The first thing I notice as my consciousness rises back to the surface is the heavy scent of blood, the last thing I could feel before drifting fully into oblivion, now no longer stains the inside of my nostrils. I can also feel gentle air pass through the cavities of my ears, which were previously clogged with that same crimson. Even my face, which was drenched in tears of blood before I stumbled to the ground, is now clean and dry.

My back is supported not by cheap polymer and springs jetting into my back, but rather the soft and gentle down of rare golden doves and freshly picked cotton from elven fields. The air I’m breathing in is sterile and cool, with a vague hint of freshly squeezed lemon and oakwood.

The bed that I’m lying on is large and wide. I could roll onto one side or the other, and I wouldn’t fall off… nor would I roll into anyone.

I reflexively lift my right arm and reach to my side to where my glasses should be, placed on the drawer next to my bed. They are indeed where I usually leave them, and I slowly put them on before opening my eyes and allowing the bright rays of sunlight to pierce into my field of view.

My blurred morning vision eventually subsides, and I’m greeted by a familiar sight; the high-up ceiling of my bedroom in the Tohno Mansion; a sight I genuinely thought I’d never see again.

After what I had done two days ago, I truly believed I would turn my head to my right every morning, and be greeted by prison bars for the rest of my short-lived days. Instead, I’m being greeted by the patiently still Hisui, who’s standing in front of my bedroom door.

“Good morning, Shiki-san!”

Or wait… I rub my eyes with my limp wrist and take another look. That isn’t Hisui, it’s Kohaku-san, and she isn’t still at all, she’s actually bobbing back and forth, as if she’s been waiting for me to wake up.

“Wh…at time… is it…?” My dry raspy voice edges out a whisper to the smiling maid in the anachronistic dress.

“It’s almost 7, you’re usual waking time, I think.” She puts her finger on her chin, as if trying to remember when I wake up, since it’s usually Hisui who comes to wake me. In fact…

“Where’s Hisui…?”

“She’ll be here in a sec, I’m just here to give you some water and medicine.”

Kohaku-san pinches some white powder into a tall glass of water and places it on the dresser next to me.

My throat is parched. I sit up, take the glass and drink it whole. Didn’t Kohaku-san say it was almost 7AM? I should probably… get ready for…

…Should I get ready for school? Should I even be drinking this water, or sitting in this bed? After last night, I knew that eventually I would end up back here as if nothing happened… and yet it still feels so strange (wrong).

Ugh, be that as it may, I don’t want to arouse suspicion. Tohno Shiki is a student of Souya High School and should attend classes when he is physically able.

“Thanks, Kohaku-san.” I put the glass back on the dresser. “Will Hisui be bringing me a change of clothes soon? I should probably start getting dressed and heading out soon.”

Kohaku-san tilts her head while smirking. “Did you forget what day it is, Shiki-san?”

“What day it is …?” my eyelids are getting heavy… Why did I want to leave the bed again…? For school? “Don’t I have the day off? Or is that tomorrow…”

“It’s today, silly. And good thing too, since you definitely need a break. I’ll be taking care of you today, so just rest up for today, okay?”

Before she can even finish that sentence, my body slinks back into my bedsheets, and I quickly drift into a state of total relaxation. I can feel my glasses being pulled off of my face gently, presumably by Kohaku-san. I then drift into the sterile cloud that is my bed, and cross back into the absence of continuance; the realm of dreams where the past and future feel almost identical.

…

The sunlight bleeds through the trees into the window of my bedroom.

A gentle hand is placed upon my forehead.

Mye eyes open. A woman is sitting at my bedside, tending to me; a beauty mark under her warm smile.

Her other hand reaches under the bedsheets, toward my lap.

The feel of her skin on mine is intoxicating. I exhale.

Her hand slips under my pajamas, and pulls it out.

She takes care of me with such tenderness and understanding.

My lips move to speak, but she puts her finger on my mouth to keep it shut, and winks.

Her head goes under the covers next.

I feel a sensation I’ve never experienced before in all my life.

Her hands rub my thighs and chest, while her head moves up and down, slowly.

The euphoria is too much, and I grab her head with both hands.

A feeling of gratefulness sweeps over me, and I pull her head up gently so that I might kiss her.

Her hair feels much softer than it should.

Her ears feel different than they should.

Her skin feels colder than it should.

I look down under my sheets.

A different woman is on my lap.

She grins at me with razor-sharp teeth.

Her golden hair seems to float as if lighter than air.

I can’t see her eyes.

Her left hand presses against my body.

Then her right.

She moves closer to my face as she crawls on top of me.

She meets my face with hers, only inches between us.

My body is completely numb, like a lifeless puppet.

Her thumb moves my forehead up and to the left to expose my bare neck like peeling a banana.

She floats to the skin of my neck.

*sniff*

She inhales deeply and slowly.

Her lips float toward my ear, and she speaks softly with a voice that cannot be heard, yet is still understood.

“This…” she whispers into my mind. “This is all I need… to find you…”

*CHOMP*

“Agh!!”

My body springs itself up and forward, sitting upright. My body is completely covered in sweat, despite the somewhat chilly air of the Tohno Mansion. I grab my glasses and put them back on before daring to open my eyes. I feel a tinge of horror as I see my hands are dyed with red… only to realize it’s merely the rays of the setting sun on my skin.

That must mean that it’s after 6PM; Well, if I had school today, I definitely would have missed it by now. I’m really gonna mess up my inner-clock at this rate.

More pressing than that, this is the second time I’ve dreamed about that girl… the one that I killed. Each time, she seems to interrupt a dream I’m already having… and each time, she expresses a desire to ‘find’ me.

I reflexively gaze out the window. “She’s… she’s not out there, is she?”

I’m certain that I killed her completely and utterly. Vampire or no, there’s no way anyone could survive having that done to them. And Noel told me that she dumped the body into the river, in separate bags no less. Surely she would have made sure that the girl was truly dead before doing that… right? Maybe I should ask her the next time I-

…

Noel… The teacher who replaced Toyama-sensei, who was murdered by the serial killer. Noel the vampire hunter, who works for an organization called ‘The Holy Church.’ Noel, the woman I agreed to help kill powerful vampires so that she might carve out a more comfortable life for herself within the organization… and who I became intimate with.

…Noel, the coward who left me to die at the hands of that freakish abomination.

…

Noel… the woman I saved from the clutches of a bloodthirsty vampire, nearly at the cost of my own life.

…Noel, who kept my soul tethered to my body with her song…

After everything I went through for her, as well as because of her… how do I really feel about her at this point?

Of course I’m furious with her, even now. After all that we’ve been through, after all that was promised between us, how could she just run away and leave me behind like that? What happened to all of that bravado; the showmanship that she spoke of? Although I suppose she did stipulate her performances are limited to those she knows she can beat.

But that monster, imposing though it may have been, wasn’t that much more powerful than the army of ghouls she so effortlessly dispatched just moments before. I’m sure if she put her mind to it, she could have taken that thing on, especially with my help.

And even if that weren’t the case… she didn’t grab my hand, she didn’t tell me to run… she really just left me there, almost certainly as a distraction so that she could get away.

I stare at my hand with a blank expression.

“…How could you…?”

She didn’t just leave me there to die, she used me to save herself. I mean sure, that’s essentially what our slapdash partnership boiled down to… but I thought we had something more than that. I really truly did. After all, it was Noel that suggested we speak to one another less formally, and…

…It’s… It’s not just the physical intimacy... We opened up to each other about so much. I told her about my eyes, and she told me about her life as an Executor. We laughed in each other’s arms, vented to each other, fought together, we… saved… each other…

It’s hard for me to remember exactly, but I think she was trying to calm my anemia attack by comforting me with that song she sang. And I think she must have called someone. I’m not sure how I ended up back at the Tohno Mansion, but if she had left me behind a second time, I’m pretty sure I would have died in that back alley.

“Rgh!” I throw one of my pillows at the wall.

It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t change the fact that she betrayed my trust to save her own life! If she really cared for me, she never would have left me in the first place, and I never would have had to sacrifice myself for-…

…

I clench my fist, digging my finger nails into my palm.

I guess… I didn’t really have to save her. I would have been more than justified in just walking away from all of it… But seeing her so frightened like that, while in the clutches of a vampire, I… and in the end, she called out my name, even though she must’ve known she had no right to…

For all intents and purposes, what once existed between us should be null. The cold hard truth is that I can’t trust her, and that’s that. Our partnership is finished…

…

…So why can’t I stop thinking about her? Why does the left side of my bed feel so empty?

An unstoppable river of anguish begins to rush down my face. I go to wipe it all away with my wrists, but my whole body is trembling, and It’s hard to move. My sobs quietly echo throughout the spacious bedroom.

Why do I miss her so much…?

In the end, I made the choice to save her life, even though she tried to sacrifice me to save herself. I threw everything away for her in that moment…

Then again, what is there to throw away, really? I may be back at the Tohno Mansion, my life may even slowly go back to the way things were, but it doesn’t change the fact that I killed someone without really knowing why. Even if Noel is right and I saved the world from some dangerous creature, I didn’t know any of that, and yet I still killed her.

I’m even starting to remember it all, now. The feeling of it; the satisfaction that ran through my whole body after having done it. The intoxicating smell of her gore spilling onto the floor, filling every crack.

…How can such feeling come from me? How can I be a bloodthirsty murderer one day, and then cry myself into a state of paralysis over a broken relationship the next?

The tears stop, and all that I’m left with is cold bewilderment as I continue to stare at my hand, dumbfounded at my own hypocrisy.

“What’s wrong with me…?”

…

*knock* *knock*

A gentle knock at my bedroom door.

“Nii-san? Are you decent?”

That sounds like Akiha’s voice, but it seems to be missing quite a bit of its usual sternness and venom.

I’m still in my pajamas, but it’s not like I’m in my underwear or anything. I quickly wipe the tears from my face and breathe in, deeply and quietly, to compose myself.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Come in.”

The door slowly opens and Akiha comes into the room with an unusual degree of carefulness.

“May I sit and speak with you for a moment?” She looks as though she’s having trouble maintaining eye-contact with me for some reason.

“Yeah, of course.” I reply.

I scootch over and sit cross-legged, giving Akiha enough room to sit next to me on the bed. Her movements are slow and careful, far from the typical mannerisms of the head of the Tohno family that she’s displayed thus far.

“Akiha?” I sheepishly reach my hand for her shoulder, but stop short.

“Kohaku tells me that your condition has improved from what she is able to tell…” she speaks without looking at me at first, but then turns her gaze toward me and gives me an earnest stare. “But I want to hear it from you, Nii-san. How are you feeling, really?”

I nod in affirmation and smile. “I’m feeling better, yeah…” a bead of sweat drops down my face as I realize Akiha will likely ask ‘what happened’ as her very next question. We never really got around to it, but I assume the plan was to come up with a cover story on the way back to the mansion. Noel-sensei and I never planned for things to go so awry. Now I feel like I’ve been caught with my pants down, but I can’t let her see that.

“That’s… um… good. E-excellent, even…” Akiha stammers through her words as her cheeks begin to blush slightly, as if she’s struggling just as hard to find the right thing to say as I am, though I can’t imagine why that would be, since she’s holding all the cards. At the very least, I may have to fess up to skipping school, depending on how thoroughly she looked into my whereabouts yesterday while I was sleeping.

I’m actually pretty curious as to why she’s making such a flustered face.

“Akiha… are you feeling well?” I tilt my head as I lean in to get a closer look.

“Of course I am!” she darts her sharp eyes at me like a shark, wounded but still dangerous nonetheless. “I’m just… ugh… trying to find the right way to phrase this…”

“Phrase… what, exactly?”

Akiha pauses and takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Nii-san… from now on, I should very much like for you to be completely honest with me in the immediate future, in regards to both your physical condition… as well as… well… as well as your feelings on… b-being here…” her face turns bright red.

“Honest?” I inquire back at her. “I don’t think I’ve been particularly dishonest with you about either of those things.”

“But you have!” She retorts, leaving almost no dead air between my words and hers. “You’ve been continuously underselling the severity your condition, and repeatedly overstating your capacity to handle the responsibilities of living here!!” she raises her voice, and then her posture drops. “…and despite knowing this, I allowed you to keep pressing forward, piling task upon task on yourself.

“I took a gamble with your condition because I thought these efforts would solidify your place here as a vital and harmonizing part of the Tohno family. The truth is… my own negligence compromised your health…”

Akiha’s eyes begin to well up. She breathes in deeply, bottling the emotion back up before exhaling and regaining her composure.

Wait… she’s not blaming herself for what happened, is she?

“H-hey, Akiha?” I try to interject, but she raises her hand to stop me.

“It must be said aloud, Nii-san. My eagerness lead to a lapse in judgment that caused you harm. For this, I must offer you a sincere apology.” She bows her head softly.

Wh… what the hell?

“H-h-hold on, Akiha!” I wave my hands and back away a bit, embarrassed and confused. “I feel like I’m missing some context, here. What are you apologizing for?”

Akiha averts her gaze from me, gripping my bedsheets with her right hand. “…Noel-sensei told me everything. You no longer have to hide it from me…”

Noel-sensei did what!? “E-everything…?” another drop of sweat drips down the side of my head. There’s no way she could mean…

“She told me how much you were pushing yourself these past few days, all to meet my expectations of you…” she sighs, dejectedly. “I suspected as much, of course. The standoffish behavior you exhibited on that first night, and your inability to recall the specifics of your tutoring; I knew something was amiss. If I had known you were experiencing enough strain to actually exacerbate your condition…”

…Wait… She thinks the studying caused an anemia attack?

…

Actually, that’s not the worst cover story in the world. I did have one as a result of being pushed too far in P.E. after all. I suppose I could roll with this, but I should probably make sure Noel didn’t say anything weird that’ll clash with my version of things.

“…Noel-sensei told me she informed you I was at a clinic, but uhh… what exactly did she say to you?”

“Hm?” I can almost hear the raised eyebrow in Akiha’s voice. “…She said that you’re ‘smart enough’ and a hard worker, that you have a tendency to push yourself past your own limits, and that I should give you a break…”

“Did she, now…” a tendency to push myself past my limits, eh? I suppose I’m not the only one adept at using partial truths to mask a bigger lie. Although I wish she didn’t put it in such an irritating way. I can already feel the blood vessels in my head filling back up again.

“Why do you ask?” Akiha glances at me softly; much unlike herself.

“Ohh, no reason…” I’m barely able to contain my annoyance. She may have gotten me out of one last bind, but I still haven’t forgiven Noel for putting me in that position to begin with. I likely won’t forgive that anytime soon, either.

“…you weren’t planning to continue pushing yourself if she hadn’t informed me of what caused your anemia attack, were you?” Akiha’s cold glance, returns, although cold might not be the right word. This one feels more hot.

“W-well, I…” I’m a bit taken aback, and therefore at a loss for words. Truthfully, none of this has anything to do with my anemia, and continuing the actual behavior that caused it is the furthest thing from my mind at this point. Though I’m not really sure how to translate that into my ongoing cover story.

“You know, nii-san…” she leans forward with an uncharacteristically animated scowl. “You’re not exactly blameless in all this either. Do you really think of me as some sort of slave driver? That I would require you to work yourself into an early grave just to meet the requirements of an aristocrat?”

“W-well, no. It’s just, I know that this is all really important to you, so I just wanted to give it my all, you know?” I give a nervous smile, but this only seems to make Akiha more upset with me.

“Nii-san, you are important to me!” her raised voice echoes throughout the spacious bedroom. “I am the head of the Tohno household, yes, but I’m still your sister! Your family!

“Of course I want you to act as the eldest son of the Tohno family, but only because it is a right you are entitled to! You deserve that recognition, but it should go without saying that none of this should cost you your life!” her eyes water up as she gives me the most earnest look I’ve ever seen from her; a complex combination of guilt, frustration and desperation.

Of course, the truth is that all of this is Noel’s fault, both my condition and Akiha’s feelings on the matter. Even if it’s convenient for me, I still can’t help but feel a tinge of resentment toward her for inadvertently making my sister tear up like this.

“You’re right of course, Akiha.” I bow my head and smile. “I should have been more careful. I’m sorry that I made you worry.” A truthful sentiment at least, even if it’s based on a lie.

A genuine smile appears on Akiha’s face. Not a condescending smile, or a smug grin of superiority, but a true and earnest smile of relief and care.

“I’m glad that we have an understanding on the matter. Kohaku suggested to me earlier that, in honor of both your arrival and your recovery, we should hold a celebration for you at a later date; a small one, just the four of us.”

“That sounds nice.”

Akiha leans in a bit further, exuding a somewhat frantic energy. “You can have any meal you want tonight and tomorrow as well. Kohaku can prepare you a Bento of your choice if you have grown tired of the western cuisine she has been serving, or if you simply miss your old meals. Oh, and I-I have noticed that you are a light eater, so if you would prefer, there are many French cuisines that prioritize exquisite taste in small portions. Kohaku is more than capable of- “

I wave my hand and smile nervously. “T-that all sounds fantastic, Akiha. But you don’t have to go that far.”

Seeing Akiha, of all people, making a face that can even remotely be described as ‘frantic,’ and for my sake, of all things…

I’m reminded of that masked man… Saiki Goto, I believe? Didn’t he imply that Akiha only cares about me in a recreational sense? I can’t help but feel a touch of pride seeing him proved wrong in real time as Akiha dotes on me…

…but do I really deserve this? It would be so easy to slip back into my old life now, perhaps even more comfortably than before with Akiha having this much concern for my wellbeing… but none of that changes the fact that I murdered a woman without knowing who they are…

Due in part to Noel’s cowardly retreat, we never truly solved the mystery of my killing of the True Ancestor; whether some instinct sensed her vampiric essence, or if I’m simply a monster in human form. And either way, I can’t rule out the possibility that something like that may happen again; maybe even to someone I’m close to. If another bizarre spat of ferocity  caused Akiha harm, I think I really would kill myself instantly at that poin-

“…Nii-san?”

“H-huh?”

…Oh shit! What kind of face was I making just now? I completely lost myself in thought for a second there.

“There isn’t anything else you’re not telling me, is there?” Akiha seems to brace herself as the icy gaze she normally wears, now melted, begins to freeze back up.

“N-no, nothing.” …nah, that’s not gonna work, she’s too perceptive for that. I need to at least give her something to explain why I went quiet just now… “…I guess… ugh, I don’t know… maybe I’m still a little disappointed in myself. I really did mean to meet the expectations you set out for me. I really thought I could do it, too...

“This anemia of mine… it flares up in the worst possible times, you know? I’m not overly fond of being cared for like I’m some perpetually sick puppy. I want to live my life like everyone else; to stand on my own two feet alongside my peers. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, the least of which to my friends or family.

“It’s why, despite our familial love for each other, I couldn’t help but keep my distance from the Arimas.”

Akiha tilts her head. “You didn’t have a close relationship with them?”

“No, I did… but I was also in and out of the doctor’s office during those first few years, and they were the ones who drove me to and from. It couldn’t have been easy, and I could never really do anything to repay their kindness, so once I started to recover and my physical condition got a bit closer to normalcy… I guess I made myself scarce…

“That’s why, when you invited me back to the mansion, in a way, I was a little relieved. Part of me really wanted to start over, as a person and as a family member. I really thought that, since my anemia attacks had been much less frequent, that I could actually start to pull my own weight this time… but I guess it didn’t turn out that way. I hate the idea of turning such a luxurious mansion into a glorified hospice for myself…”

A deep exhale escapes my chest through my nose as I let out something I don’t think I’ve told anyone before. It’s a difficult feeling to put into words without sounding petulant or ungrateful. It’s not as if I don’t appreciate the people in my life who are willing to help me through difficult times, but… well, I guess it all comes back to the promise I made to Sensei. I can’t exactly live my life the way I see fit if I’m too preoccupied with dying, after all.

Akiha exhales slightly as well, in a way that almost sounds like a small chuckle.

“You truly haven’t changed… not in the slightest…”

“…Akiha?”

“…after you were sent away, father shifted his focus (ire) entirely onto me. I toiled away countless hours of rigorous study in every field relevant to my station, at the highest possible levels. I endured grueling physical training and emotional discipline, so that I might better resemble the image of aristocracy that is expected of our house. And of course, I was made to participate in a rotating door of business meetings and networking sessions with other noble families, all to meticulously groom me for the role I would have to inhabit after your disownment.

“It’s not that I resented you or anything… but in the few instances of respite I was allotted, I would often find myself imagining what your life must be like living with a branch family. What school you were attending, what kinds of friends you’ve made, the sort of easygoing life you must be leading. I… I built this image of you in my head, and I admit I took no small satisfaction of decimating that image as it laid before me on the fateful evening of your arrival.

“And yet, in reality, it seems you’ve had your own share of struggles these last eight years, Nii-san.” Akiha turns to me and gives a weak smile. “We should have spoken of such things much earlier. Perhaps we might have avoided all of this.”

Ugh, not this again. “It’s alright, Akiha, really!” I smile nervously as I back away a bit. “All that really happened is that I got carried away and pushed myself too far.” Of course, if I never ran into that woman, if I never killed that golden-haired vampire… had things simply stayed the way they were, I’m sure I could have met Akiha’s expectations with only a bit of sweat on my brow in exchange.

“Well, you’re not entirely relieved of your duties just yet.” Akiha smiles briefly before returning to her usual stoic expression. “You still have your schoolwork from yesterday to catch up on. I’ve asked Noel-sensei to bring it all to you later this evening… although I believe she said she would send a student to deliver it in her stead.” Akiha shrugs.

So Noel isn’t coming here tonight? That’s probably for the best. I still have some questions I want to ask her, burning ones in fact, but I just don’t know if I’m ready to see her right now. That is to say, I’m not entirely sure what I’d say or do if I see her now.

Akiha slides forward gracefully and stands up from the bed. “As for myself, admittedly I feel a tad light-headed, so I believe I shall adjourn for the evening. Hisui and Kohaku will have to greet our upcoming guest without me, though their visit will be brief of course.”

“Oh, are you not feeling well after all, Akiha?”

Akiha turns and grins sharply as she opens the bedroom door. “While I am more accustomed to the workload expected of a Tohno, I must admit it requires a healthy balance in order to maintain oneself. I believe we’ll find your balance in due time. Until then, try to recover some of the fire you had on your first day here. A bit of careful kindling will put it to better use, moving forward.”

With that, Akiha bows lightly, and then exits, shutting the door softly behind her.

I’m getting the same feeling of relief one would feel after surviving a warzone unscathed. I really did just kind of bullshit my way through all of that. If I had to guess, I’d say that the thought of even being partially responsible for one of my anemia attacks must’ve shaken Akiha’s resolve a little. I suspect I have that to thank for her being mostly uncritical with me just now.

As I feel myself recompose, I hear the faint sound of the Mansion’s doorbell, an elegant chime that just barely reaches my room, though I imagine it must be a touch louder from the main hall, where the servant’s quarters are.

I stretch out my back and legs, and then rise up from the bed.

…Good, no headaches, no weakness, and an acceptable level of stability. I do feel a bit groggy, but I should still be able to get changed quickly and greet whoever is here along with Hisui and Kohaku-san. If it’s not Noel, then it’s probably either Yumizuka-san or one of the other second-years… hopefully not Arihiko. I’m afraid he’d say something ungraceful to one of the maids. Heh…

…I can already feel myself slip back into my routine; my normalcy. Is that really okay? Have I really earned that yet?

It almost feels as though I’ve made a deal with the devil, even if, perhaps, not an entirely cunning dev-…

“I am not fucking stupid, Shiki!! I’m NOT!!!” Her heartfelt cries reverberate through my mind…

…no. She may have a strange way of speaking, and her logic isn’t always sound, but Noel is not…

…

“Damn it… why do I even care…?” I annoyedly whisper aloud as finish changing into my casual attire.

Her actions that night devolved so erratically, from showing off recklessly, to pinning me to a wall and screaming at me, to then running away and leaving me to die.

None of her behavior makes any sense to me. If it was simply self-serving, I could at least wrap my head around it, but there’s a layer of fatal hypocrisy to the things she says and does. If all she wanted to do was keep herself alive, then why… 

Perhaps it’s for the best that I shift back into the real world for now. I still need time to process everything that’s happened. For now though, I’ll welcome the distraction of my normal life, for however long I’m permitted to slip back into it.

I lightly jog down the stairs, slowing down as I descend. I probably shouldn’t jog at all, and instead take things easy. There really is no way to tell if I’ve actually recovered fully or not. That’s just how it is to live with these eyes. (this curse.)

As I descend down the stairs, I can see Hisui and Kohaku-san greeting-

*thump*

My heartbeat is so loud in my head I thought it might echo throughout the main hall. I can’t help but let my eyes widen, but I hold them back from expressing the genuine shock and confusion that is pulsating through my entire body.

“Ciel-senpai?”

Standing in the doorway between the maids, holding what appears to be a bundle of books and papers, Ciel-senpai locks her eyes with mine. She smiles warmly and waves to me.

“Heya, Tohno-kun.”

Ciel-senpai is here.

Ciel-senpai, who Noel told me isn’t really my senpai, but rather another undercover Executor of the Holy Church, albeit far more powerful.

Ciel-senpai, who Noel seemed to not be overly fond of, and would get tight-lipped when I asked about their relationship.

Ciel-senpai, who Noel said had the power to alter… and potentially erase memories.

Is that what she’s actually here to do? Should I turn her away now? It would come off as a bit cruel from Hisui and Kohaku-san’s perspectives, but I imagine I still have that right.

But, wait… actually, if she is here to erase my memories, perhaps it’s best that I let her. I could forget about all of this. The murder, these past few days, all of it…

…No, that’s not a good idea. I still don’t for sure know why I killed that golden-haired vampire, or if I can prevent myself from killing again. If I let myself forget all of it now, it’d nearly be the same as actively choosing to kill someone else in the future.

Ciel-senpai steps through the doorway with a bright smile, chatting briefly with both Hisui and Kohaku-san before turning her attention to me.

“Tohno-kun! Long time no see!” she waves as I trot down the stairs to return her greeting.

“I was just about to say the same.” I smile back. “I assume all that stuff in your hand is my backlog from yesterday?”

“Yeah, sorry. It’s a lot.” She blushes and frowns. “You know how it is. I have some time before I have to head back home though. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to help you out with it.”

 A subtle and polite suggestion, yet I can already feel myself ameliorating to her will, like a light tug at my inner thoughts. Perhaps it’s my imagination; a sort of placebo-effect where I’m expecting some sort of noticeable change to take place in my mind as she speaks now that I know what she’s capable of… and yet…

“Sure, that sounds great, senpai.” I acquiesce to her proposal almost immediately, like a reflex. Despite this person being a total stranger to me, I feel as though I’m accepting the good will of a long-familiar friend.

“Very well.” Hisui bows. “I will accompany the two of you to the sitting room.”

Ah, well done, Hisui! With a third party present, It’s unlikely Ciel-senpai can just erase my memories without causing a scene-

“Actually, wouldn’t Tohno-kun be more comfortable if it was just the two of us at his desk? I assume his room is upstairs, yes?” Ciel-senpai speaks while staring directly into Hisui’s cold gaze, smiling beautifully as she does so.

Hisui pauses for a moment, then nods. “Yes, I suppose that would be preferable. In that case, I will continue my cleaning duties. If either of you need my assistance, please do not hesitate to call for me.”

“And I’ll be outside in the garden!” Kohaku-san adds. “Just knock on a window or something if you guys want me to whip you up some snacks!”

With that, the maids both bow in unison, and head in opposite directions, leaving senpai and myself alone in a matter of seconds.

Senpai watches Hisui as she leaves, giving me the chance to wear my dumbfounded expression unabated. She really dispatched both maids effortlessly, despite the two of them, Hisui in particular, likely being given orders not to leave me unattended, doubly so in the mansion with a total stranger.

And yet, both maids just bowed and walked away as if it was in their character to do so. Yet I, knowing a bit of the magician’s act, can see the artifice for what it is. Somehow, Ciel-senpai is able to mesmerize those around her through subtle suggestion alone. In fact, I bet she doesn’t even need direct contact, since the whole school is convinced she’s just another student.

I shake my head and fix my expression just in time for senpai to turn back to me.

“Would you mind showing me the way to your room?” She smiles so very innocently. “Don’t get the wrong idea, obviously. This is all strictly business of course.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Strictly business indeed. Senpai is an Executor of the Holy Church, after all. I wonder if she knows for certain that I’m aware of that fact. I know Noel called someone after I passed out… it must have been senpai. In fact, she may have been the one responsible for bringing me back to the Tohno Mansion.

I guess, from her perspective, it doesn’t really matter what I know. Even a fraction of the other side is too much, I wager.

I lead her up the steps, albeit a bit slowly. It’s all I feel I can do to delay the inevitable. I’m not sure what memory erasure looks like, but seeing as we’re already alone, perhaps it’s a bit flashy or forceful. She seems to be waiting until the two of us are in my room before committing the act.

I reach the top of the stairs and make a left, entering the hallway. One more left, and I’ll be heading directly for my room, and from there, it’s highly likely that my memories of this week will be taken from me.

But if I make a right… hmm… a rather curious option presents itself.

“Doors I’m not meant to open…” I mutter to myself quietly.

For as long as I can remember, the Tohno Mansion was a place of secrecy as much as it was a place of security. While I played with Akiha in the garden, a lone girl would stare up at us from a window to a room I was never allowed into.

…Makihisa’s… my father’s study.

Directly across from my room, all the way on the other end of the west wing, his private study…

‘You have a right to know about your own family.’ Her words echo in my head yet again. And while I’m still cross with her, on this much, we are entirely in agreement.

Furthermore, whatever I may discover in my father’s study… I wonder if senpai would be so keen on erasing something so private…?

Well, It’s a long shot either way. I make a right, and head down the west wing, unabated by Hisui or Kohaku thanks to senpai’s less-than-subtle power of suggestion.

“Is this the right way?” I hear her ask from behind me. A strange question. She may have seen me come from the left side of the mansion, but she couldn’t have seen me come from the left side of the west wing, not from where she was standing at the doorway.

…is she somehow familiar with the mansion’s layout? I wonder…

Well, she doesn’t seem to be stopping or protesting despite her query, as she continues to follow me down the hallway.

As I approach the door at the end of the hall, I see a rather peculiar lock under the handle. I don’t think senpai can see it since she’s behind me. That’s good. I don’t want to arouse any more suspicion.

I twist my body forward just so, then pull my knife from my pocket, adjust my glasses downward just so, observe the line on the lock, and pluck it as swiftly as I’m able, so as to mimic the movements of pulling a familiar key and unlocking a familiar lock. I grab the latch to keep it from falling to the floor, and open the door…

Pitch black darkness. That is what senpai and I are met with as we both enter the study. Even with the door behind us being ajar, it’s completely black.

“Tohno-kun… what is this? This isn’t your room… wh-what’s going on…?” Senpai’s voice sounds genuinely nervous.

“Oh, sorry.” I chuckle to sound non-threatening. “I just thought that, since the maids would be away, it might be cool to check out my old man’s study. No one’s been in here for at least a month. There might be, uh, cool secrets or something.”

“Is this really the time for games?” Ciel-senpai retorts sharply, still sounding worried, and still holding my school work in her arms. “I mean, isn’t this kind of… creepy?”

“Creepy?” I scoff. “Nah, we just gotta find the light-switch is all… Actually, that might alert Kohaku that we’re up here.” And while that is my main goal, being so obvious would just alert senpai and no doubt force her to make a move.  “We can just use our cellphones instead.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out my cellphone.

…dead. Well, I guess I should have figured it wouldn’t have been charged while I was unconscious. If anything, I should be thankful that it wasn’t confiscated again.

“Uhh, would you mind using your phone’s light? Mine’s out of juice, sorry.” I scratch my cheek in embarrassment.

It’s all a bit of an act, of course. Anything I can think of to stall for as long as possible, hopefully until we’re noticed before senpai catches on. I can deal with getting in a bit of trouble, but if I can have senpai scurried out of the mansion, it’ll be worth it to keep my memory in-tact. Although… I am genuinely curious as to what I might find in here.

Senpai scoffs, somewhat uncharacteristically. “Ugh, fine. Have it your way, sleuth.” She puts the schoolwork down beside her and pulls out her phone, activating the flashlight feature with a swipe and a press.

A piercing ray of light shines through the pitch black room, revealing a mahogany desk much like the one in Akiha’s office. It makes sense for the rooms to be similar, although from what little I can see, there’s more of an overall ‘green’ accent as opposed to the overbearing red that accentuates Akiha’s office.

The makeshift search light moves over to the left, shining upon a few chairs and a sofa, then pans up to…

…what…?

“T-Tohno-kun… what is…”

We both gawk at the sight of it. A large metal grating completely covering the windows, barred in place with chains. A grizzly sight that you’d expect to see in… I’m not even sure where. A particularly cruel prison, perhaps? What is the purpose of this, even? To keep people out… or to keep something… in…?

“I-I don’t like this, Tohno-kun…” Ciel-senpai’s voice shudders. “I really think we should leave…”

Is she putting on an act? The way Noel described her, she made her seem like some deadly warrior, yet here she is cowering in the dark just as much as I am. And yet I feel the pull from her suggestion attempt to drag me back to the doorway, and I’m at once reminded of who, or what, I’m really dealing with.

“Y-yeah, well… at least let’s check his desk first. Maybe there’s a… logical explanation for all this…”

“Tohno-kun…” senpai pleads, but I remain undeterred. Despite her reservations, she shines the light on the desk, and I follow the path made by her light, arriving at the seat where my father once conducted his daily business routines.

There seems to be three drawers on the right side of the desk. The first two are empty, while the third is locked. I take out my knife, tilt my glasses, and kill the lock, freeing the drawer to slide open.

Inside, I find what appears to be an old set of records, or perhaps a diary of sorts. Flipping through some of the pages, I can certainly recognize my father’s handwriting, as well as his style of communication. Efficient, yet a little too intense for most people’s liking.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea, Tohno-kun. We should get out of here.” Ciel-senpai approaches the desk, looking down at me from where I’m sitting. “You can even take that book with you if you really want to.”

“It’s not like there’s anyone here.” I retort, continuing to flip through the journal… here’s something interesting. The date reads… 2004…

“Y-yeah but…” senpai’s voice wavers. “I really don’t like this place. It’s musty… and… and I don’t like it here, please, let’s just leave.” She raises her voice a bit at the end, but is otherwise whimpering. The fear in her voice really does seem genuine… and yet she suggested bringing the book with me. Perhaps she’s just eager to leave… or perhaps she’s just as interested in this book’s contents as I am…

“A child adopted into the Tohno family died of an unknown illness… 2004? That would have been nine years ago…” I continue reading, unphased by senpai’s concern. It’s more than just my mistrust for her that’s making me ignore her pleas…  I feel as though I’m transfixed by the contents of this journal… almost feverishly so…

Senpai places her hand on the desk. “Hey, are you listening to me? This isn’t funny…”

If being here bothers you so much, then you’re free to leave. The door’s been open for a while now. Any other girl in your position would have turned tail and ran minutes ago… but not you…

Of course, if I say any of that out loud, the jig is up, and she’ll make her move for certain. Despite her protest, I imagine the only thing keeping my memories untampered with is curiosity that I’ve stirred within her.

“atavism… surgeries on Akiha….? More human than… her brother?” these words meld together almost senselessly. “And what’s this… the synchronizer…?”

(the door closes)

“Tohno-kun… you’re acting really weird. I think this place is bad for you… we should get out of here.” She tries once more to coax me into leaving.

(Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.)

For some reason… it’s difficult to focus on the words in these pages… like my vision’s going blurry… M-maybe she’s right, after all.

“I think…” I’m barely able to speak, I’m so dizzy. “I think I just need some air… sorry…”

Senpai smiles. “Finally. I was wondering what had gotten into y-“

(stab.)

Stab.

Splash.

A river of crimson splashes onto the pages, coming from right in front of me. I quickly rise my head up… only to see senpai… with her stomach gauged open by a metal rod from behind, her expression shocked and pleading.

“T-Tohno-kun… R-run…“ her strained voice cries out through gurgled blood. Her body goes limp, and is tossed to the floor along with her cellphone.

Whatever it was that came over me, this bizarre feverish fog that dulled my senses, it has now completely gone, and I suddenly become aware of my startlingly dire situation. Senpai and I are not alone in this room… there is someone else here, and without the light from the cellphone, I can’t see a thing.

I draw my knife, fling my glasses off, and huddle into the corner of the room on my right, bumping into a chair as I do so. Cornering myself may seem unwise, but in this darkness, whoever is here, I need to narrow their chances of attack down to the front. I need to be able to see their lines if I’ll have a chance… at avenging senpai…

…is she really dead? Just like that?

There’s no time to even ponder! I need to focus, every last ounce of my attention, on self-defense; admittedly my weakest attribute to be sure. It doesn’t matter how many lines I can cut or points I can stab at, a well-timed strike in the dark will surely kill me!

The room is deadly quiet. Not even the sound of senpai’s breathing remains.

Suddenly, a flash of red swings toward me.

I slash at it with my knife, causing a spark of blue to fly out of our clashing weapons, briefly illuminating the room.

Another swing from the glowing metal rod, which looks to be about a meter and a half in diameter.

I parry it again with my knife, causing another spark. This time, the flash of red and blue lasts long enough for me to see the smirking assailant lurch back into the center of the room; into the shadow.

“What the hell is this!? Don’t you work for my sister!? How dare you!” I shout into the void, likely in futility. Whatever his reason, Goto is focused on killing me with that rod, just like he did with Senpai.

I only came into this room with the intention of protecting my memories. I’m certainly not going to let this man take my life.

A third lunge, and a third parry in response, only this time I slide to my right, pushing him back and myself toward the opposite corner.

My gambit is successful, and now I’m that much closer to the door. One more maneuver, and I’ll be able to escape from this room…

… and that’s exactly what I want him to consider.

Predictably, the masked man lunges at me again, only this time committing to multiple swipes and stabs with his metal rod, this time intending to make the killing blow no matter the cost.

I knew he wouldn’t let me leave that easily, but in doing so he’s in range enough for my eyes to adjust… and I can see a line right down the hand holding the rod.

*clang* *clang*

*slice*

“GUAAAGH!!!”

A metallic thud can be heard as Goto’s weapon collapses to the floor. Then, a crash as Goto’s body is sent slamming into furniture, falling down to the floor with a thud.

Hmph. I suppose having your entire hand sliced down the middle would knock the fight out of even the most hardened of assailants.

It’s too bad for him, really. If Goto had only targeted me, I likely would have focused on escaping, and that might have given him the chance to kill me for real. But this mysterious masked man’s fatal mistake was targeting Senpai first. Despite her intention to erase my memories, I was still quite fond of her beautiful smile, and the thought of it being erased from the world doesn’t sit well with me. Not at all.

“Senpai! Are you okay? Where are you?” I call out into the darkness while fishing for a light switch on the wall. My hand passes by the door, and I can feel the cool air pass through the crack between it and the wall. I move my hand a bit further to the left, and… There it is! I feel a switch right there! All I have to do is flick it up an-

*Crash*

*Clang*

The masked assailant comes barreling at me, causing an audible ruckus across the room, and thus giving away his position. I’m able to parry him again, although just barely. In that instant that our weapons clash, I see a glimpse of his charred, yet bare lower jaw and neck. It seems he used some of the bandages of his mask to tie his hand back in place. However, it seems he’s switched hands, and he’s just a little bit slower for it.

His disadvantages are beginning to pile up now. For one, he’s wounded pretty badly, and losing blood. He’s thus losing stamina, and now using his non-dominant hand. Then there’s the blood that’s gathering in the bandages on his injured hand; I can smell it from where I am. He may be unnaturally quiet, and perhaps he can even somehow see me in this pitch black darkness… but I can hear his labored breathing and smell his grievous wound.

“Hang in there, Senpai!” I call out to her as I raise my weapon toward the empty black in front of me, hoping against hope that she’s still somehow holding on. “This won’t take much longer…”

I hear an distinct ‘tch’ sound from the center right opposite where I’m standing. So, that’s where he is. I wonder if he’ll change positions before attacking n-

*Clang* *Clakang* *Shing*

Hmph. Guess not. It seems I touched a nerve with that last comment. The more this fight drags on, the more of himself he gives away. Good… that makes things a little easier.

“Hmph!” I scoff at the unseen masked man in front of me. “The element of surprise and the cover of darkness, and yet you’re still getting outclassed by a school-boy?”

At first, I’m responded to with silence… and then…

“The only reason you’re still breathing right now is because you brought that young lady with you.” I can hear the twisted smile in his voice as he speaks, though it sounds farther away.  “I wonder… was that your plan all along? To lure someone in here so they’d take the killing blow for you? How much are you really privy to, I wonder…”

From what I’m able to discern… he seems to be huddled in the corner to the left of me. His voice feels like it’s closer to the floor than earlier, so he’s probably crouched. No doubt buckling down in a defensive position in case I decide to strike.

No good. If it weren’t for this blasted darkness, it wouldn’t be a problem. I could slice him to ribbons no matter what position he took. But even without my glasses on, I can’t see any of the lines in this pitch black room. The only times I can see them are the brief period that our blades clash, but he slinks away back into the shadows just as soon as he attacks.

I need to either lure him out somehow; get him away from the walls…

“To be honest, I didn’t even notice that you followed us in here. I guess that’s just how little you matter…” I smirk. He may not be able to see it, but he can certainly hear it in my voice.

“You should watch what you say, Shiki-kun.” His growling voice… did he switch to the other corner? I can’t hear his footsteps at all.

“Is that so?” I’ll stoke the embers of his bruised ego with another teasing remark. “Do you really think we still have that kind of relationship after you stabbed my friend in the back? If you were smart, you’d turn the lights back on and turn yourself in…”

My voice wavers at the last bit as I choke down the irony of me saying that, of all people…

“I don’t know how much of that journal you got through…” Goto’s voice bellows. “…but surely you’ve figured out by now… you’ve stepped into a world that exists separate… no, above the societal norms you’re trying to invoke.

“I mean really… turn myself in? As if either of you are leaving here alive…”

His voice sounds like its moving across the room slowly… I still can’t hear footsteps. He’s masking them, somehow…

“Maybe you should take a second look at that hand of yours if you think I’m unfamiliar with the world of which you speak.” I invoke a bit of my sister’s regal confidence in my retort. “I don’t want to kill you, or even cause you any further harm… but if Senpai dies here…”

“Ha!” he laughs. He’s a bit closer now. “I don’t know what reality you think you occupy, but get this through your head. That girl died the moment my blade left her backside. Soon, you’ll feel the same helpless agony she experienced.”

Bastard.

“…I think I’ll take your other hand next…” and his tongue too, while I’m at it.

I can’t see his body, nor can I hear his footsteps… but I can smell the blood from his hand. The scent is getting stronger. He’s finally making his move… from the right it looks like. That makes sense. Behind him should be the door and the light switch. He’ll still want to keep those off if he wants to retain his audio-visual advantage.

*Clang* *ClangClang* *Clang*

He strikes again, this time with a volley of swipes and stabs. I parry them with my knife. The sparks that emanates from our strikes reveals his twisted smile. He’s reveling in the idea of gutting me with that meager little Tanto of his.

More importantly of course are the lines across his body, which in this brief window are now visible to m-

*Splash*

“Gh!”

I jump back, and reflexively wipe at my eyes, which have been splashed with some warm liquid… is this his blood!?

In my carelessness, I stumble backward, tripping over a sofa, and fall flat on my head, rolling over to the wall with a thud of my own.

The blood is still in my eyes… It  won’t come out! I can’t concentrate like this!

“You overplayed your hand, Shiki-kun…” his conceited taunt needles at me from above. “…even though you’ve all but ruined mine… No matter. I’ll just have her fix this. It’s all she’s good for, anyway.”

I raise my knife up haphazardly while covering my eyes with my sleeve. How did I not consider that he’d use his own blood as a weapon!? Damnit! I was too focused on saving Senpai to consider all of the variables! I should have been more cautious! Now I-

*Clang* *Plop*

My knife is knocked out of my hand, falling to the floor somewhere. I reflexively recoil my limbs, rubbing my eyes furiously. It’s not over yet! I need to get this blood off my damn face!

“You were given fair warning, Shiki-kun.” Goto snickers. “Understand your role and play it thus. Isn’t that what I told you, boy? It’s such a shame, I would have preferred to see you stir up the Tohno family head just a bit further, but you had to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. And now…”

*Stab* *Splat*

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

“…Wh-…what…?” The masked man chokes out a single exasperated word.

Finally, I wipe the blood from my eyes, and look up to my assailant… only to see the enigmatic Saiki Goto, run through the lower abdomen from behind with what appears to be a thin metal blade.

And behind him… Senpai!? I can barely make her out… but she doesn’t seem to be wearing the Souya high school uniform she came in with anymore… I think she’s wearing the same outfit Noel wears; that of a nun!

So it really is true, then. Ciel-senpai is an Executor of the Holy Church, just as Noel said she was. She really was here to erase my memories.

I should be fearful seeing senpai like this, knowing now how strong she must be, and knowing what she’s here to do… but right now all I can feel is relief that she’s still alive… that I didn’t get her killed…

It’s still too dark to make out all of the details in front of me, but I can see the glint in both Goto’s eye and Senpai’s eyes. I can see a second silvery blade held at Goto’s neck, and I just make out the exasperated expression on his face as he glares at his captor behind him.

“Senpai!” I call out to her despite being nearly out of breath from the altercation just now. “Are you alright!?”

“I’m fine, Tohno-kun.” She responds, though for a moment, I could have sworn I was hearing the voice of a different person altogether…

“You ungrateful little fool!!... You’d dare… bring a Church dog here!?” His voice sounds strained. It’s hard to see, but I think Senpai has one of his arms pinned behind his back, to say nothing of the blade she ran through the side of his stomach; not a lethal or paralyzing wound, but clearly payback for what he did earlier.

“You’re the one being made to heel at this moment.” Senpai’s retort is cold, yet assertive. She’s sounds like a totally different person. “And for the record, I seemed to have stumbled into this mess mostly by chance. As such, I believe I’m missing some context. Perhaps you could enlighten me… why are you trying to kill Tohno-kun?” She tightens the grip on his arm as she says this, causing Goto to wince in pain.

“Kh… That should be obvious, no?” the masked man still somehow finds a way to speak condescendingly, despite the pain he’s in. “That journal he was reading… it hasn’t been properly vetted. There’s a reason this room was under lock and key… I’ve no idea how he managed to get in here… but I’m more curious- Ngh… about your intentions…”

Damn. I should have known better. Noel was able to piece together that my family was keeping secrets from me only from the context she has from being a member of the Holy Church, giving her a better eye when it comes to the true (fantastical) nature of the world. If my family’s dealings overlap with any of that, it should have come as no surprise that my barging in here would be seen as a fatal threat, to Goto at the very least.

Though again, I didn’t even hear him come in, nor did I notice him following us…

“You’re telling me this is the first time Tohno-kun has been in here? And that there are things he’s not meant to be made privy to?” Ciel inquires, still maintaining a threatening air of stoic authority. “I can understand trying to kill me, but the eldest son of the Tohno family? Surely his sister wouldn’t give the order to kill him, even if he learned something he wasn’t meant to.

“You’re lying…” Senpai’s voice deepens. “You’re taking advantage of your station in order to hide something, even with a blade to your throat… and I want to know what that is.”

I can hear the crack of a muscle or bone, alongside Goto’s wincing in pain. “I have nothing to say to you, long-leashed dog! The Tohno family has no qualms with your merry little band of zealots, and it is for the best that things stay that way! I’m afraid there’ll be no juicy bones in your mouth as you trot back dutifully to your master’s kennel!

“You, on the other hand…” I can feel his beady black eye turn its focus toward me. “I must admit, I didn’t expect such bold actions from a meager, clueless boy like yourself.

“Tell me… the knife you carry with you… it has an inscription upon its handle, does it not?”

I catch my breath at last, and then respond. “It does… Nanatsu-Yoru. What of it?”

“Hmph.” He scoffs. “So there are some things you don’t know, then…”

It almost sounds like he’s speaking to himself, rather than to me or Senpai.

“Tell me, boy. Are you somehow dissatisfied with your life here? Even though your own sister, the Tohno family’s current head, has done nothing but give you endless boons and hospitality? A soft clean bed to lie on? Servants to feed you, clean your clothes and attend your every need? Is all of this not enough for you? You’d really throw it all away for a chance to peer into Makihisa’s old records? ”

Condescension aside, he brings up a valid point. The pretense of my coming in here was an act of desperation, but in truth… I just wanted to know if what Noel said was true. If they were really keeping secrets from me. Even without Ciel-senpai’s intrusion, it’s likely that I would have come to this place sooner or later.

“The way I see it…” I fish around for my glasses aimlessly before quickly giving up, though it’s not as if I can see any of the lines in this darkness. “…As a Tohno living under this roof, I have a right to know the true nature of my own family. Regardless of your opinion of me, I think you’ll find that fact inarguable.”

A twisted chortle echoes throughout the room. Goto’s deep sinister voice snickers louder and louder, ultimately erupting into an uproarious laughter.

“Oh indeed, Shiki-kun! I couldn’t agree more! You wish to know the true nature of your family?” He laughs self-amusedly. “I’m afraid, if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ll be hopelessly lost looking for any trace of it in this room. For you see… you lack the proper context to understand what it is you’re even looking for…”

“What are you talking about?” I start to feel around the floor, looking for where my knife dropped. Even as Senpai has him pinned, that voice of his still manages to leave me unnerved, especially without a means to defend myself, blind and unarmed as I am.

He snickers in delight, then stops. There is a beat of silence… and then Goto speaks again.

“…Hey… Let me tell you an old story…

“There are a handful of elite families in this world that have obtained power and prestige, not just through the acquisition of capital and connections, but also through the mixing of human blood with that of the divine. These few families stand leagues above world leaders, private shareholders, the ultra-rich, even the shadow government. The families that I speak of have their hands wrapped around the very fate of the world itself.

“It should come as no surprise then, that because of this power and prestige, these families are commonly targets for assassinations. Whether it be jealous outsiders, former business partners, or even rival families, it is not unusual for life-or-death skirmishes to break out, even within the walls of the mansions these divine individuals inhabit. That is what it means to be born into power.

“It’s not all doom and gloom, mind you. Such assassination attempts are rarely successful. After all, the power that these families possess, the overwhelming might controlled by these individuals… a common brigand would be obliterated the moment their presence was made known. Even those with supernatural gifts, like the mages of the Clocktower, and yes, Executors of the Holy Church like the one behind me… none of them could hold a candle to even the meekest among us.

“The Tohno family is one such family, and Akiha, their absolute progeny. There is a reason your life has been so peaceful within the mansion, despite the Tohno head disbanding all of her house guests and servants, save for a handful. It is because… none would dare try. For an enemy of the Tohno would suffer a fate far worse than death.

“However, long ago… there was one small collective… a family, though not one that would be counted among the elites which I spoke of earlier. No, these were merely a family of assassins for hire. This family specialized in the execution of the supernatural; that which the known world dictates should not exist. As you can imagine, no such divine blood coursed through their veins… but their success rate when it came to killing… well, let’s just say if they were hired to kill you, your death would be both inescapable and timely.

“Yes, I know this more than anyone… for my family, the Saiki, were wiped out entirely by just one of their ranks. It was only by chance that I myself wasn’t among the casualties. Instead, I was the one who found their bodies. Every last one of them, dead… with no signs of a struggle, and with such clean wounds…

“There are none now who know the secret to their success… though, whatever it was, given their conduct, it was almost assuredly… heretical…

“The Saiki were loyal to the Tohno, you see. Their obliteration was a clear sign that this assassin family was gearing up to take on the Tohno family itself, wiping out its allies one at a time. Back then, it was obvious to me what it was they were after.

“Whatever secret ability they had that allowed them to kill so swiftly and so cleanly, it was surmised that they were retaining this recessive gene through the archaic method once used by the royal families of old. I speak of course of incest, and not always consensual, as my investigation found.

“But this family was an old one, as old as the divine-blooded families to which they were unrightfully targeting for their wonton slaughter. Inbreeding can only go so far before it yields… diminishing results, you see. It wasn’t long before this accursed shameless family resorted to the kidnapping and violation of both men and women who possessed supernatural gifts, in the hopes that their unnatural DNA would trigger the recessive gene needed for the propagation of their craft. Their successes, the lucky ones who inherited this recessive trait, were raised as machines whose only purpose is to take the lives of their targets as efficiently as possible… and the ones who didn’t inherit the necessary trait… were used as practice for the ones who did.

“This grizzly inhuman process born out of a desperate clinging to bygone days of glory and relevance… this ugly demonic dwindling little family set its sights on the children of the Tohno family. In particular, their daughter, Tohno Akiha.

“There is no telling what horrible things would have happened to the poor girl had I not informed her father of their intentions. And so it was that Makihisa assembled a team of his strongest and most able-bodied allies… and stormed the residence of this wicked family in the dead of night.

“Now, they put up quite a fight, as was expected. They were, of course, gifted assassins by trade; easily the deadliest in all of the world. But the might of the Tohno family is absolute, and it wasn’t long before every last member of that wretched clan, even the most talented among them, was put out of their misery.

“All… but one.”

…

He stops speaking, and I’m left to contemplate the meaning of him reciting this bizarre story to me.

“So that’s it, then? My father protected Akiha from a band of assassins… what’s that got to do with me?” It doesn’t surprise me that Makihisa would keep such a thing from me, considering how young I must have been when it happened. It wouldn’t surprise me if even Akiha was unaware of-

“You still don’t get it, do you. Haven’t put the puzzle together, even though you’ve brought the last piece with you into this room.” Despite this darkness, I can almost see the whites of his teeth as he grins at me.

“What piece? What are you talking about?” My heart flutters… for some reason… I seem to be dreading his answer…

“Why, your knife, of course.” He laughs. “What was it you said again? You thought the inscription read ‘Nanatsu-Yoru?’ Hmph… I suppose, given the lack of context, you would think that, wouldn’t you.

“But no… I’m afraid the correct way to read that inscription is the curse that binds you inexorably to a past overflowing with violence, debauchery, and despair! For the inscription upon that knife is actually the surname of the family of assassins in this old story of mine.

“The inscription actually reads as ‘Nanaya.’ That is the name of the clan that decimated my own, the one that had sought to strike at the Tohno family and their children, and was all but eliminated for their desperation and arrogance.

“The one surviving member of this family… was a small boy who wandered into the forest of blood and bodies. Makihisa thought it amusing that the greatest threat the family had faced in over a century… would have a son with the same name as his own eldest boy…

“And so, either through misplaced pity or an admiration for the irony of it all, Makihisa took that boy in and raised him as one of his own, albeit kept away in separate quarters.

“That boy… he galivanted around with the other children as if they were his own family, despite being an estranged child… until one day… a hot summer day…”

“Gh!” My head pounds, despite my vision being shrouded in this darkness… my chest… feels wet from underneath my clothes…

It was a hot summer day. The loud cry of the cicadas. Akiha was crying… in a sea of red…

Those words flow out from somewhere deep within the confines of my mind. Instantly I’m beset by images of a clearing in the woods outside the mansion, the sun beaming through the trees, a body slouched onto a tree across from me… Akiha’s tears echoing throughout the clearing…

I can barely make out the boy’s face… the body that was across from me… I can just barely picture it. His lifeless face, twisted with agony…

“So… I killed him. Is that it?” I mutter unconfidently through the pain in my head and my chest. “If any of what you said is true, then I imagine I did what I had to do to protect Akiha. Though, it’s not like I remember any of this… other than… bits and pieces…”

Goto laughs uproariously. “Bits and pieces, you say!? My, how intriguing! It seems the old man was slipping even back then! Ha!

“I’m afraid, however, that your little theory that you were the one protecting Akiha is hopelessly off the mark. In fact… you have it backwards!”

“Wh-what? What are you talking about?” I shudder as my body fights this information out of instinct. Every nerve stands on edge and vibrates. “B-backwards…? Why would I…”

“Oh come now, surely you must have figured it out by now! The boy who wandered into that forest of blood… the boy adopted by Makihisa-sama… the boy who tried to carry out his rancid family’s mission and attacked poor little Akiha… the boy who murdered Tohno Shiki, who was only trying to protect his sister from a monster in human form…

“That boy… WAS YOU! NANAYA SHIKI!”

Every hair on my body stands on edge. Every muscle locks into place. I feel cold… freezing in fact. I shiver, despite my muscles locking up, causing vibrations that rack my whole figure with a pain that blends in with the already searing ache in my head. It’s as if my whole body is experiencing the sensation of one of my anemia attacks instead of just my head.

My eyes are so widened, so unblinking, that they feel bone dry. My jaw is locked shut, rendering me unable to even speak a response.

I can’t even entertain the possibility that he’s lying. I can’t shout him down or deny his words. The faculties which I use to formulate logic and reason have completely shut down, and all I am able to do is sit here, huddled against the wall in this dark room across from the masked man and his captor.

I can’t do or say anything… because just hearing that name… hearing it… I…

My mind feels as though it is being peeled open, layer by layer, with no regard towards putting it back together. My heart must be beating so loudly that it’s likely audible in this otherwise silent unused office.

Nanaya… That name… that name… my…

My autonomous thoughts are cut off by his smug amused cackling.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! SWALLOW IT! DRINK IT ALL IN! LET THE REALITY OF YOUR ORIGIN DROWN YOU IN UTTER HUMILIATION!

My heart doesn’t even feel like it’s beating anymore… it just vibrates and aches. Reflexively, I grasp at my chest, right where my scar… the accident… it wasn’t…

“You thought you were a Tohno? You? A meek-mannered good-for-nothing slacker? A lowly mediocre thing, unfit to share the same room with Akiha, let alone the same name?

Does she know about this…?

“You hopeless wretched little stain! You were never a Tohno! You were never Akiha’s brother! In reality, all you ever were was Makihisa’s trophy; proof that the might of the Tohno cannot be challenged!

I’m not… Tohno…?

“Yes! That is all you are!” His screaming voice reverberates throughout the office “The product of a legacy so deeply soaked in blood and death and violence, so irredeemably evil, that it makes even a man such as myself shudder! THAT… is the truth you were so keen to insist you were entitled to!

This can’t be real…

“And so…” the intensity of his voice lowers as his speech reaches its decrescendo. “This is the end of the story. As I said, it is an old one that no one knows about anymore. I doubt even Akiha knows much of it. But of course, there are a few blank pages left, and the ink has not yet run dry. Even I don’t know for certain how the final chapter will end… but I can wager a guess…”

How can this be the answer?

“What are you talking about?” Senpai’s voice echoes softly, in sharp contrast with the mad man that has been ranting up until now.

Goto laughs once more. “The boy that was killed by this creature sitting in front of us… the real Tohno Shiki… the truth is, he didn’t really die."

I… killed him...?

“He was grievously injured, certainly. Both of them were, in fact. I’m not sure how this one was allowed to survive, but I suppose it would have reflected poorly on the Tohno family if their eldest heir was killed at such a young age. It is why Shiki-kun’s memories were altered, so that he would believe he himself was the proper heir to the Tohno family."

My old man...

“But as I said, the true heir lives on, though I know not where he is at present. But once he is ready to return to public life, this ridiculous farce can finally be put to rest!"

I’ll be replaced?

“That’s right, boy!” He shouts. “Your halcyon days here are numbered! Once the real Tohno Shiki returns, you’ll no doubt be cast out… no, in fact I think the Tohno family head will eliminate you herself.”

Akiha… would…

‘Nii-san, you are important to me! I’m the head of the Tohno household, yes. But I’m still your sister! Your family!’

One earth-shattering reveal after another, day after day, as if my entire life, my sense of self, my very understanding of reality, were being picked apart piece by piece until all of it is scattered and laid out, unrecognizable from the shape it once had.

But this… all of this… is a step too far. Even if I have the knife… even if I have fragments of memories… I know, better than anyone else in the whole world… How my sister truly feels about me!

“SHUT UP!” I roar out into the darkness as my body moves on its own, lunging upward toward the glimmer I can see in front of me; the white of the masked man’s single exposed eye.

I grab at his collar, my face now mere centimeters away from his smug grin.

“T-Tohno-kun!” Senpai backs away, stunned by my brash act.

I’m self-aware enough to recognize my actions as just that, but that’s about as much awareness as I’m willing to allow myself right now. If I think any further than that, I may just completely shut down. I might not even breathe. I refuse to let go of this rage, and I shall deny all else that stands in the way of it.

“Ooh, such a nasty glare you’re giving me.” Goto sneers. “Why, you look as if you want to do to my face what you’ve already done to my hand. Though, I suppose you can hardly be blamed… it’s in your nature, after all…”

“You… You’re wrong!” My grip on his collar wavers… I don’t know what to do or say… or even what to think! “Akiha… my sister Akiha trusts me! She cares about me! I am her family! And no matter what you say, no matter what happens next, I…” I start to trail off as I notice Goto’s unflinching self-assured grin hasn’t abated.

“Oh how delightfully simple you are, Nanaya-kun.” He gestures to Senpai, as if to correct her for calling me Tohno-kun. “To be so easily manipulated, to be made to feel as if you matter in the slightest to a woman such as her. Do you have any idea how important Tohno Akiha is? How powerful she is? How much more she will become over the years?

“Have you given thought to any of this?... or were you too busy lusting after her when you think she isn’t looking…”

“W-what!?” My grip on his collar locks so deeply that my finger nails start to dig into my palms through the fabric of his clothing. “I don’t-“

“Oh please! Don’t even try to deny it! My investigations on the Nanaya family found that those of stronger blood are compelled, by an instinct they are unable or unwilling to control, not only to kill that which does not belong in the natural world, but also… to seek out and mate with other strong bloodlines, so as to propagate their valued recessive gene, consensually or otherwise.

“And with the way you were protected down to the last man on that night, it’s likely that your blood was as pure to your family’s as Akiha’s is to the Tohno. Of course, pure is just about the very last word I’d use for a line of savage murderous predators!”

His words force my body stumbling backward, letting go of his collar. I can feel my hands pulling at my hair, though I didn’t command them to do so. My teeth grit so hard that I can hear them grinding.

An instinct they are unable… or unwilling to control…

Instinct…

Unable…

Un… willing…

…

That vampire… is this why I killed her?

And Noel-sensei… she’s an Executor who uses magic Sacraments… is that why I…

This is… this is the answer, then? The last shred of hope that I had been clinging onto, that there was some explanation for the behavior… the feelings… these alien urges that I’ve been unable to get ahold of or even remember fully when all is said and done… it’s just… in my blood…?

…I… I might as well be one of the vampires Noel hunts…

“I’m… a… m-mons…ter…” my arms recede, and my whole body goes numb as I drop to my knees. I can’t deny it anymore. I am as Goto says. After all of this, it comes back to the feeling I had on the day I killed that girl. I am a murderer… and I will kill again… or worse…

“Finally, he sees.” Goto’s dress shoes plop across the dark room, unabated by Senpai, who merely watches. I can hear the sound of metal being picked up off the floor.

Goto’s left hand then places something in my right.

“I believe you were fishing for this earlier, when you were up against the wall.” His voice almost sounds kind, at least in comparison to his smug shouting. “Don’t you think it’s the perfect tool to bring this all to a close? An heirloom of the Nanaya putting an end to the Nanaya at long last… And we would all live happily ever after, in a world without you in it…

“Hear me, Nanaya Shiki. If you have any remorse for the harm you’ve caused… if you’ve even the slightest speck of shame for all for the horrors committed by your tainted bloodline… do the honorable thing. And make sure you start from the right.” He grins as he says that last bit.

I know what he’s talking about, of course. The honorable thing to which he speaks… I understand perfectly.

My hand grips the knife… my arm raises-

“That’s enough, Tohno-kun.” A calm voice calls out to me from behind Goto.

“Senpai… I…”

“This strange person is lying to you, Tohno-kun.” She speaks with confidence, but it isn’t smug or condescending like Goto. No, there’s a hopeful reassuring tone in her voice, though I feel undeserving of it.

“It’s no lie.” Goto quickly responds to Senpai. “The boy before us is not Tohno Shiki. He is but a savage, from a long line of savages. He tried to lay his hands on Akiha all those years ago, and if left unchecked, he will try to do so again. There is only one way to make sure that doesn’t happen…”

“No, you’re wrong.” Senpai retorts, without even a shred of judgment in her voice. “I can prove it, as a matter of fact.”

Goto’s head turns, or so I assume, since I lose track of his single exposed eye in the dark. “What on earth are you talking about? What could you possibly have to contribute to any of this? This is an internal matter, though once I’ve dealt with him, you’ll be next.”

I can’t see it… but somehow I can feel Senpai’s smile. It’s so beautiful and radiant, that it can be felt, even in this pitch black room.

“I’d be quite intrigued to see you try that, especially given the sorry state that you’re in.” She speaks confidence, but there’s no arrogance in her voice, even as she boasts. “But to your question, I’ll admit to having done a bit of investigation of my own, though not to this Nanaya family of which you’ve gone on and on about.

“You stated earlier, and crudely might I add, that I’d be going back to my kennel without a juicy bone in my mouth, or something along those lines. But it seems you’ve allowed yourself to get a little too carried away in your hatred for Tohno-kun, and in doing so, provided the last piece of the puzzle I have been working to solve.”

“What nonsense is this?” The masked-man’s frustration bleeds through his condescension. “If you’re trying to imply that you’ve been investigating the Tohno family, I highly doubt you know anything that isn’t readily available to the public.”

“True enough…” Ciel-senpai replies. “But there is one thing I know about the Tohno family that almost certainly isn’t public record… something even you probably aren’t aware of.”

Goto digs his soles into the carpet beneath his feet. That last remark seemed to gnaw at him.

“Very well, then. Enlighten us, o’ radiant one. What could a Church dog possibly know of the Tohno family that I, a Saiki, would not?”

Senpai chuckles slightly, betraying just a hint of smugness.

“Well, frankly, that an immortal vampire, Michael Roa Valdamjong, who elongates his own life by implanting his undead soul into the unborn, targeted a member of the Tohno family as his next host.”

…

…

A vampire targeted… wait a second…

‘The thing is… Ciel and I came to this city in pursuit of one particular vampire. He’s… a special case, even among the Dead Apostle Ancestors. He can actually take over people’s bodies after he dies, and essentially come back to life.’

The vampire that Noel was chasing… the one she assured me I hadn’t been possessed by…

“Wh-… wh-what n-nonsense is this, now?” Goto stammers, unable to fully deny her claim. “A vampire? I would have assumed a woman of the cloth such as yourself would insist that such creatures do not exist.”

“We’re working on that, believe me.” I can feel the whimsy radiating from Senpai. “But it’s true, nonetheless. At first, Tohno-kun here was our main suspect. He fits Roa’s criteria, after all.”

Roa’s criteria… wasn’t it something like…

‘This particular vampire has two criteria with which he decides his next host. Rule number one is that the person has to have strong and useful magic abilities, typically genetic traits that he can adopt and carry on into his next incarnation… and rule number two is that it has to be someone of high status and wealth. For example, someone from a noble family of high repute.’

Noel said she and Ciel were absolutely certain it was me, until a fateful incident convinced Noel otherwise… but if I’m really not a Tohno… then that means…

“If it’s not me… then… it has to be the other Tohno Shiki…” my confidence recovers just enough to say those words.

“That’s exactly right, Tohno-kun.” Senpai replies with the cheeriness that I’ve come to expect from her. “Excellent job following along!”

“Hah!” Goto scoffs. “What is this desperate cope!? You expect me to believe this fanciful theory of yours without a shred of evidence? I assume next you’ll say that Makihisa was a werewolf!”

“Well, I suppose that would explain this bizarre office he locked himself in.” Senpai retorts in a mocking unserious manner. “Regardless, what I’ve said is no mere conjecture. I happen to know for a matter of fact that Michael Roa Valdamjong chose a member of the Tohno family to be his next host.

“The Tohno Shiki that you have been telling us about, the one who’s whereabouts are unknown? He is almost certainly the one responsible for the serial killings on the news as of late. Now remind me, how exactly did the news describe the state of the victims again?”

“…their blood had been drained from their bodies!” I blurt out, excitedly. It’s true, Senpai’s puzzle is starting to come together!

“Rgh! This is all just pointless conjecture!” Our masked friend is losing his cool.

“Oh it’s conjecture alright, but I’d hardly describe it as pointless.” Senpai seems to be delighting in teasing Goto. “Because if this true Tohno Shiki of yours really is Roa’s host, then it means that the incident to which you spoke of, where one Tohno-kun attacked his sister, while the other Tohno-kun defended her, we can be certain now which one was which.”

“What!?” The masked man growls, betraying his losing confidence in his own narrative.

“I mean really, can you even imagine a fresh vampire protecting a human? It’s far more likely that Roa woke up in Tohno Shiki’s young body, and Tohno-kun dutifully protected his little sister from a monster, paying the price and winding up in a hospital as a result.”

“Gh… but if it wasn’t an Inversion Impulse… then…” Goto mutters something under his breath.

“I mean, think about it for a second.” She continues. “Both of you, actually. Why would the head of the Tohno family dismiss all of her guests and servants, and then invite her attacker to live with her all alone in a mansion with no prying eyes?

“And Goto-san, you heard what Tohno-kun said earlier, didn’t you? He’s certain that he has his sister’s trust, and I believe him.

“You on the other hand, seem to know a lot more than you let on. You might not have known about Roa, but I suspect you knew very well that Tohno-kun wasn’t the one who attacked his sister, and you lied about it in order to shatter his resolve. Isn’t that right?” Senpai folds her arms confidently… or at least I imagine her doing so. It seems like the right gesture to make, after a speech like that.

“Bark and howl all you want! It’s all just noise without evidence to back it up!” Goto’s confidence betrays the certainty of his words. I think Senpai is right… he knows more than what he’s letting on.

“I wholeheartedly agree with you.” She retorts quickly. “Which is why it’s awfully convenient that Tohno-kun lead me to the one place in all the world where such evidence would exist.”

I hear a faint sound like metal being pulled from its sheath. A dim glow emanates from the center of the room, revealing Ciel-senpai, holding what looks to be another one of those thin blades, only now it’s glowing, slowly illuminating the room more and more as it starts to shine brighter.

“Now…” Senpai smirks, and this time I can actually see it. “Since you’re in no condition to stop me, I think I’ll take my time reading through some of these books. I’m sure one of them has information pertaining to Tohno-kun’s-“

“Don’t you DARE!!” Goto shouts, rushing at Senpai, who side steps him while sticking her foot out, causing him to trip and fall over the desk in front of the bookcase.

Before either of us have time to react, Goto quickly snatches the journal that was on the desk, the one I was reading when this whole altercation started.

“I’m afraid your search will come up short!” Goto squeezes his wounded hand, gushing blood onto the journal, seeping deep into its pages. “His secrets should have died with him! If they must die with me… then… s-so… be it…!”

He collapses to the floor, having sapped himself dry.

After all of that… stabbing Senpai in the back, trying to kill me, and that awful story of his… Saiki Goto falls into the dark; his true motivations now forever as shrouded as his visage.

Senpai walks over to the unmoving body of Goto, checking for signs of life.

“Is he…” I shudder to ask.

“He’s alive for now. Just passed out from blood loss.” Ciel calmly states, carefully prying the bloodied journal from his clutches.

She attempts to flip through its pages, but the still warm blood permeates every page. It’s enough to make me want to vomit.

“Rats. This is illegible. I’ll have to wait for this to dry, then take it in for restoration. That’ll probably take a few weeks at leas-“

But before Senpai can finish speaking, the book suddenly bursts into a gulf of flame in her hand. She recoils and lets the book drop to the floor, but it burns away into nothingness before even making a thud on the ground.

“Oh.” Senpai’s shoulders slump in disappointment. “No bone for me after all.”

I rise back up to my feet and start feeling around the floor for my glasses. I threw them off me without care in the scuffle, not realizing it’d be a hassle to recover them afterward.

A small searchlight appears on the floor, illuminating exactly where the glasses fell.

I turn my head to the source of that light, and see Senpai, holding out her phone, once again giving me a guiding light in this miserable blackened place.

“Thanks, Senpai…” I thank her, though there isn’t a shred of enthusiasm in my voice. My head feels numb, like a fresh wound shortly before the pain comes. I take my glasses from the floor and put them back on.

Senpai stares back at me with a look of concern. “You know uhh… you probably shouldn’t take anything that guy said to heart. Seems like a total snake, if you ask me.”

I muster up the courage to ask. “Is he going to be alright…?” what I’m really asking her is ‘have I killed another person?’

“Yeah, I’ve got this.” She responds coldly, walking over and lowering herself towards the deadly still body of Goto. “Don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll clean this whole mess up in 5 minutes or less. It’s one of my specialties, after all.

“There shouldn’t be anyone in the hall at the moment. Why don’t you go wait outside. I’ll be with you once I’m done here.” She puts her phone on the desk, spreading the light across the room. It’s a healthier substitute for actually turning on the lights I suppose. If it got too bright in here, Kohaku-san might notice the window light up and realize someone’s here.

I stare nervously at Goto. “What if he wakes up? Are you gonna be alright?”

Senpai chuckles. “You don’t have to worry about him either. Or at the very least, you’ll only have to worry about him as much as you did before this whole mess occurred.”

Senpai makes a ‘shoo, shoo!’ gesture with her hand. I suppose I’ll just get in her way if I keep standing here slack jawed.

I approach the door, which I can just barely make out thanks to Ciel-senpai’s light. I gently crack the door open and peer through the hallway. Thankfully, it’s as empty as we left it. The orange sunlight is still peering through the hallway window, so not too much time has passed I suppose. It can’t be later than 7 if the sun is still showing.

I open the door fully, and at last I exit my old man’s-… exit Makihisa’s office.

…

I close the door behind me, and… I just stand there. I’m still a bit winded from that fight with Goto, and so I walk towards the wall to my right and sit, resting my back against the wall.

I think I’ll just sit here for a while. I’ll probably continue sitting here, even after Senpai finishes cleaning up. Even if she decides to erase my memories… I think I’ll just keep sitting here.

Thousands of thoughts swirl around in my head all at once. I feel as though I’m drowning in an ocean of guilt and despair.

Senpai refuted the worst of Goto’s claims; that I tried to harm Akiha. I can at least thank her for that. I know, if naught else, that there is a part of me that desires to live as a normal person; someone I could be proud of, the kind I promised Sensei that I would strive to be. No, this would have been before that, actually.

Even before the promise I made to Sensei… I tried to protect Akiha… no… I did protect Akiha.

That fact alone is the only life raft I have to hold onto as the waves threaten to pull me under, and it’s small consolation compared with the now completed puzzle that has laid itself before me.

I am not Tohno Shiki. I might not even be a human. My memories were tampered with by Makihisa, who isn’t my real father… and my real family is…

…Senpai said not to take anything he said to heart. She means well, but that’s just impossible. I know what I’ve done up until now, and I know how little control I had over my own actions.

…I can’t even say that in confidence. In truth… I didn’t want to control myself. I allowed myself to be swept up by such an ugly and monstrous desire; to kill and to relish the moment of it. Even if I recoiled in disgust a mere moment after, the cold hard truth is that there is a part of me that is capable of that.

If my family comes from a long line of killers, genetically predisposed no less… that fits perfectly with the source of my instinctual desires.

I shudder to even repeat the name of that family which Goto described. I don’t think I’ll ever look at the hilt of my knife again. I don’t want to see its inscription and be reminded of it.

How am I supposed to continue living like this? Going to school as if I’m a normal human being, despite knowing that, somewhere within me, there is a beast that yearns to kill, and I have no means to put a leash on it.

Hell, I don’t even know if that’s the extent of it. With my memories having been tampered with at a young age, who knows what else I could have forgotten.

…

I don’t even really know how old I am, now…

…

Come to think of it… my birthday is coming up, isn’t it? My 18^th, in fact… though I might be older, possibly. Hell, it might not even be my real birthday at all.

Not that it matters. I hadn’t really thought about it, and no one, not my friends or my family, had brought it up, save for little Miyako, who was counting down the days. I guess the surprise letter and the move to the Tohno Mansion overtook all of that…

…

The irony doesn’t escape me, of course. The only reason I went into that office was to find out something private about my family, in the hopes that Ciel-senpai’s ability to erase memories were indiscriminate enough that I could leverage that knowledge as something she’d have no right to take from me. I gambled on the honesty of her smile, hoping it was as genuine as it appeared to be.

…but now, I’m left sitting here, wishing I could forget all of this. The responsibility of my actions… I don’t know if I can say with confidence that they truly outweigh the pain of carrying all of this with me; of how small I feel knowing the putrid origin of my birth.

I feel like a coward and a monster all at once… cowering from myself… disgusted with myself…

…

The first thing I noticed when I saw Akiha for the first time… was how beautiful she was… piercing beauty… like a blade…

…

…

I cover my mouth, almost ready to vomit. How could I even… and it never occurred to me that it was a strange thought to have…

…

No! No, I’m just overreacting! It’s natural to notice the good looks of a sibling… a-and it’s not as if I was actually trying to pursue her or anything!

I protected Akiha… that’s probably why she cares about me, why she invited me back into the mansion against her father’s wishes… it’s why I’m her nii-san, and not the other Tohno Shiki, who I’m sure she at least partially remembers.

Goto was absolutely wrong about Akiha, in just about every way. He was wrong about how much she cares about me, and he was wrong about how things went down on that day. And if he was wrong about all of that… then maybe…

…

“Damnit…” I whisper softly, unable to manifest tears.

It feels as though I’m bobbing my head in and out of a raging tide of my own endless shame.

There isn’t a single redeeming thing about myself that outweighs the fact that I killed that girl… the vampire that Noel said posed a threat to humanity. But I didn’t know any of this at the time, I just killed her… and now I know that instinct to kill is something that runs through my blood, inescapably.

There’s no way out. Even if I killed myself, it would only hurt Akiha. But if I continue going on like nothing’s wrong, there’s no telling when I might kill again, or who it will be. Even if my instincts are tied only to those who are special in some way, like vampires, or the divine blooded that Goto spoke of… if I run into someone like that… how will I be able to control myself? How? How can I know for sure?

The game has left me at check on all sides, and I’m left without a single move to play. I just… sit, and stare at nothing…

…

There is one lingering thought… a feeling, to which I am almost certainly undeserving of, as a beast who is only good for killing…

Despite my guilt, despite my shame, that feeling bubbles its way up to the surface, and I reach out to it, allowing myself to whisper the words.

“…I miss her…”

The feel of her fingers interlocked with my own, the warmth of her body next to mine, the endless barrage of half-baked witticisms to lighten the mood, the smell of her perfume, the sound of her voice… her song…

I want to lose myself in those endlessly sad brown eyes of hers. I want to sit with her in that messy little lived-in apartment again, and hear the echoing hums of her singing in the shower. I want my fingers to get tangled up in her soft curly brown hair. I want us to laugh hysterically in each other’s arms again, like we did on that night.

“…I miss her…”

I just… don’t care anymore. I don’t care that you abandoned me, that you left me to die while you saved yourself. You were only trying to stay alive, weren’t you? Even if I wouldn’t have done the same… it’s because I wouldn’t have done the same that I can forgive you…

“…I… miss you…”

Only now do the tears begin to flow, allowing the ocean that had once threatened to drown me to subside into a simpler choking feeling of longing.

It just doesn’t matter in the end. Whether I am Tohno Shiki, or this other person… she needs my help. As far as I know, that hasn’t changed. She said it herself. She needs me. The first person in all of my life to ever truly need me… and I knew, even before she said the words. From the moment I saw those swirling empty eyes of hers, I reached my hand out to save her from whatever made her that way.

“…I… I need-“

The door to Makihisa’s office opens, and out pops Ciel-senpai, now reverted to her Metropolitan Souya high school uniform.

I quickly wipe the tears away with my sleeves, so as not to make her worry too much.

She of course notices this and frowns.

“Are you okay, Tohno-kun?” her voice is now back to being lively and pleasant, as it once was before. “I told you not to worry about what that guy said, didn’t I?”

I’m no longer paralyzed by those thoughts… but they’re still in my head all the same.

“Is it really okay to call me Tohno-kun?” I ask in a defeated tone.

“Of course it is, silly!” she brushes off my pessimism with an audible ray of joy. “It’s your name, after all. Would you want to call yourself anything different? Is that how you really feel?”

She brings up a good point. I have absolutely no attachment to whatever family I might have had, now a distant memory gone and forgotten. So long as Akiha still calls me her nii-san, then I still see myself as Tohno Shiki.

“No, you’re right.” I reply, a touch of Senpai’s positivity rubbing off on me. “I’m still Tohno Shiki after all.”

“See? Good for you!” She really sounds like she means that, as if she has my best interest at heart… but I wonder how true that really is…

“So… what now?” I look up at her, like a wounded dog.

Ciel-senpai looks back at me, flustered. “Don’t look at me! It wasn’t my idea to go in there in the first place! How should I know what comes next?”

“What?” what’s the point in playing dumb now? “No, I mean, what about Saiki Goto?”

“Oh, right.” Senpai sighs. “He’s fine. Out cold for now. I erased all of his memories of the last couple hours.”

Erased all of his memories? Then that confirms it… and I think I know what’s next.

“His wounds are all patched up.” Senpai continues. “Though I did have a bit of trouble with his hand. Usually I can avoid leaving scars, but strangely I was unable to do so with that weird wound on his hand. I mean he wears gloves anyway, so he won’t notice it for a while. And even if he does, hopefully he’ll just chalk it up to a weird cut he can’t remember.”

So she can erase chunks of memories… but it doesn’t seem as though she can create entirely new ones, at least not on short notice. I guess that checks out. I still feel like I remember meeting Senpai a long time ago, but I can’t recall anything specific. It’s more of an impression, rather than an actual memory.

“I patched up the room too, as best as I could anyway. If one of the maids went in there and turned the lights on, they might notice. Though, I think that room was locked for a reason, Tohno-kun.” She says that last bit with a bit of accusatory scorn, though it’s not overbearing.

“Yeah… sorry about that…” I smile… but it fades, as I feel the tide start to pull me back. “I’m… really sorry… for all of this… because of me, you got hurt… and… those things he said…”

The thoughts of her can only cushion the blow for so long. The fact remains that I am a murderer, and I have no way of knowing if I can stop myself from killing again.

Senpai walks towards and stands in front of me, kneeling downward just a bit.

With a smile, she asks.

“Would you like to forget about those things? It might be the best thing for you, if it’s gotten you so bent out of shape. I can make that happen… if that’s what you really want.”

She’s framing it as if I have a choice in the matter. I don’t know if she really means to give me the option, or if she’ll erase my memories no matter what I say. But, if she really means to give me the choice, I’ve already made up my mind.

“I… I don’t want… to forget.”

If I were to let go of these memories now, if I forgot all of this, then it would be no different than deliberately choosing to kill someone again. I don’t know if it would happen for sure, but to live without that uncertainty holding me back at the very least… I could never forgive the me that would choose to forget it all.

And in a way, if I were to forget everything, than it’d also be like dying. Even if I was nostalgic for the person that I used to be before I set foot in the Tohno Mansion, those experiences have lead to who I am now. While it remains to be seen whether or not I will become someone that my younger self could be proud of, I want to believe that the sadness and exhaustion I feel now will eventually fade, and a better man will be left standing in the end; one that can continue living life the way he sees fit.

In that respect, what I really want more than anything is to see her again. And that is why I cannot allow my memories to be erased.

Please… please respect my decision, Senpai…

I stare at her, trying desperately not to show the fear I feel in my heart in this moment. A faint instinct passes through my mind, goading me to grip the knife that I put back in my pocket moments ago. I bury that instinct almost immediately. I don’t think I could fight Senpai if she chose to take my memories away by force, even if I wanted to. Either way, enough blood has been shed today.

As I continue staring, waiting for a response, a gentle smile appears on Senpai’s face. She kneels down to my level, and looks me in the eye.

“Oh alright, Tohno-kun. You can stop giving me that puppy-dog stare... I won’t erase your memories after all.”

A gaping sigh of relief escapes my body as all of my muscles relax at once. Senpai laughs at my exhausted display… but then adds something else.

“That is of course what your plan was, right? To learn something that I’d have no right to take from you? I’m guessing you were hoping I couldn’t take specific memories, right?”

Immediately my heart drops to the floor, and at once I realize just who it is that’s kneeling down so close to me at eye level, just a meter away from my face. An Executor of the Holy Church; Noel’s superior both in rank and in strength.

She not only survived being struck by Goto’s blade from behind, she seemingly recovered without a single scratch on her, and easily dispatched the man I was nearly bested by, to say nothing of the scores of vampires she’s supposedly slain. I can’t help but wonder just how powerful she really is. She’s certainly more competent than her. She doesn’t waste her strength showing off.

“S-senpai…” I stammer out her title, though I guess even that is a fabrication. “I-… uhh…”

The Executor in her high school uniform holds her palm out, signaling me to stop.

“Sister Noel already gave me a summary of what happened… though she was curiously tight-lipped about a few things. She told me about the vampire that you killed without knowing who or what it was, and how the stress of it caused an anemia attack. I’m not sure I believe that last part though. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to clarify?”

It looks like Noel spun quite a tale for her superior, with only just enough of a grain of truth for me to be at least somewhat honest in how I talk about this. Seems like she didn’t tell Ciel about my eyes though. There’s that self-preservation of hers rearing it’s head.

“Y-yeah…” I nod. “I guess you can understand why it messed me up a bit… when Goto said all those things, I mean. If I killed that vampire because of some instinct I can’t control… what if next time, it isn’t a vampire, y’know? I’ve been… worrying about that a lot. I really don’t want to hurt anyone…

“I mean… I didn’t really know they were a vampire when I killed them… I just…” I trail off. Though the thought has been playing on repeat in my head, I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. The shame of it catches the words in my throat.

Ciel-senpai smiles as she puts her hand on my shoulder, gently so as not to startle or assert any kind of dominance. It really is just a kind gesture.

“Listen, Tohno-kun. Vampires are extremely dangerous to humans, as I’m sure Sister Noel explained to you. Killing one of their kind is not the same thing as killing a human, for a human that has become undead is no longer alive.

“Having said that, if you still choose to carry the burden of this action with you as a sin, that is not wrong either. After all, it’s not as if the world is comprised entirely of good and bad people. Everyone makes mistakes in life. That’s just a part of  what makes us human, for good or ill.

“The guilt that you feel for that mistake is only proof of your desire to atone. You don’t need to let yourself be drowned by sadness. When you say that you don’t want to hurt anyone, I can hear in your voice how much you mean that. Let those feelings be what guide you. Trust in them as much as I do.”

Ciel-senpai closes her eyes, gently holds my head from the back, and brings herself close. Our foreheads touch. Her voice is soft and tender, as if speaking to a lover.

“You’re going to be just fine, Tohno-kun. I know how scary it can be to feel what you’re feeling right now, but I have faith that the Tohno Shiki that I’ve come to know will have the strength to protect all that he holds dear… even from himself.”

She lets go of my head and stands up, backing a few steps away.

“Yes.” She whispers. “In the end, I know you’ll succeed where I could not…”

Ciel-senpai… everything about her is shrouded in mystery. Not just the limits of her strength as an Executor, but also her past, her goals, her outlook, even her true nature is something that I can’t describe with certainty… but even if my heart is being swayed by the mesmerizing effects of her otherworldly influence over the mind, the way I feel when I’m with her feels so genuine that I would gladly bet all that I have on the integrity of her character. She really just seems so kind and wise… I trust her, even if perhaps I shouldn’t.

As such… if Senpai really trusts me to overcome whatever this thing inside me is… then I owe it to her to have faith in that trust, and continue living as Tohno Shiki, in the best way that I can.

I guess, looking at it like that, nothing has changed in the end. I will continue to hold myself to the promise I made to Sensei, all those years ago. Whatever demons lie buried within my forgotten past or even my blood, I will overcome them. I’ll just have to find a way. I’ve come too far to just give up now.

With that outlook properly instilled, I can’t help but think about the positive things I have to look forward to. Pleasant morning greetings from Hisui, delicious meals from Kohaku-san, a budding kinship with Akiha, friends at school like Yumizuka-san and even Arihiko…

…and of course… even if it’s only for a little while, I’ll get to see her agai-

“Tohno-kun?” Ciel-senpai gives me a concerned look.

“Yeah, sorry…” I shake my head and smile. “Thank you, Senpai. I won’t even think about giving up anymore.”

Senpai responds with a warm smile. “See? You’re getting better already. Now, why don’t we put all of this behind us for now and-… Oh! Wait a sec!” a look of panic appears on her face.

“What is it?”

“Your school work! I left it in that office!” She raises her voice as she puts her hands on her cheeks. “Hold on! Let me go grab it real quick!”

With that, Ciel-senpai quickly huddles back into the office, shutting the door behind her. There’s a brief silence… and then she quickly leaps back out from behind the door, shutting it behind her while carrying books and folders with one arm. There’s a looks of even greater shock on her face now.

“Uhh… I think he’s starting to wake up…” Senpai says in a quiet wavering voice. “We should probably get out of the hallway.”

“Oh, yeah, good idea.” I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve had just about enough of Saiki Goto for one lifetime. I really should talk to Akiha about getting him out of here, if possible. He did try to kill us after all.

“Would you mind leading us to your room? Like, actually this time?” looks like she hasn’t totally forgiven me for all that. I guess that’s fair.

“S-sure, no problem.”

The two of us head to the other end of the long West Wing hallway, where my room is located. I quickly lead Senpai in, just in case Goto opens the door and sees us from behind. So long as his memories are really erased like she said, I can’t imagine he’ll have any reason to bother us if we’re not in his field of view.

Senpai puts my books onto my desk by the wall, the same one where I studied with Noel-sensei… or whatever it was we did.

“Thanks for bringing my school work to me, Senpai… as well as for not erasing my memories.” I bow.

“You’re very welcome.” Senpai smiles. “To be honest, the decision to erase your memories was both hasty and a bit tentative. The more memories I have to erase, the harder it is to cover things up. Ordinarily that isn’t much of an issue when it comes to a civilian witness, but with a member of the Tohno family… well, let’s just say the Holy Church doesn’t exactly have much sway in Japan, and It’s not in our best interest to start making powerful enemies.”

…wait… huh…???

“S-senpai… are you saying you might not have erased my memories even if we just went to my room from the start!?” My jaw drops. Did I really go through all of that for no reason? And I even put her in harms way, though I had no idea about Goto.

“Well, it’s hard to say for sure…” Senpai puts her finger to her chin like she’s thinking it over. “I guess it would have depended on just how much you knew, or rather, how much you know.”

“How much I know?”

“Yeah. I probably would have compelled you to answer a few questions, then determine the right thing to do depending on those answers. At this point, most of what I needed to know was already covered by that whole… thing we just went through… although, there is one more topic I’d like to discuss with you.” Her face suddenly turns serious as she says that last part.

“Oh?” I tilt my head. “What about?” I wonder if she’s about to ask about my eyes. She must be curious how I was able to make that wound on Goto’s hand. Then there’s the genetic trait he spoke of… I wonder if these eyes of mine are really the result of some recessive gene. It almost seems too simple of an explanation.

“It’s about Sister Noel.” She speaks frankly and in a monotone voice, much like how she spoke while wearing that Nun’s outfit.

“Oh, sure. What about her?”

“She claims to have been witness to you killing a Vampire at an apartment complex somewhere in town, though she claims to not remember the exact address. She also claims that you experienced an anemia attack in the dead of night. She was tight-lipped about the rest, but when I investigated the area, I found evidence of a den.

“When I asked her why Tohno Shiki was anywhere near a place like that, she attributed it to a coincidence. A strange answer coming from her, since she knows all too well that I can tell when she’s lying to me.

“I didn’t think much of it at first. Noel and I aren’t going to be here for too much longer, and a member of the Tohno family being capable of besting a Dead Apostle isn’t all that unlikely. I was going to drop the issue and refocus on my main goal… but then I remembered something you asked me a few days back…”

“Something I asked you about? You mean about Yumizuka-san?” Is she referring to when I was trying to find Yumizuka-san that day? She wasn’t answering my calls because Noel told her not to talk to me.

“No.” Ciel-senpai shakes her head. “It was the day after that, actually. Right after classes ended. I caught you at the gate, and you gave me this puzzling little hypothetical.

“Someone you know did something bad to you, but you did something bad to them as well.  You feel that what they did to you was wrong, but you also feel awful for what you did to them . In a situation like that, what would you do?

“I believe those were your exact words, weren’t they?”

“Uhh, yeah I think so. Nice memory.” Why is she asking about… wait…

“It didn’t really occur to me at the time how strange of a question that was. I just figured it was related to Yumizuka Satsuki. I thought ‘Maybe there was just some drama from yesterday. He did ask me about her.’ Something like that, I thought.

“But that question wasn’t about Yumizuka-san, was it…” she phrases that last statement as a question, but her tone makes it sound like more of a statement.

“I-I’m not sure I follow…” She can’t have deduced from that question alone that we…

“Someone you know did something bad to you, but you did something bad to them as well… you feel that what they did to you was wrong, but you also feel awful for what you did to them… If the them in that scenario was, for instance, Sister Noel, then I can’t help but wonder… what are these ‘awful things’ that the two of you did to each other…?”

My mind races, thinking through that whole day, looking desperately for another similarly-shaped piece that I can fit into the puzzle Ciel-senpai is trying to assemble. Setting aside what she may come to think of me if she were to find out what we did, I shudder to think of what she might do to Noel if she finds out…

“Oh, that?” I begin to speak before my thoughts can catch up. “Yeah, I remember that, you know… the thing is, uhh, Noel-sensei, she was… pushing me really hard that day. Giving me tests that were impossible, and then there was that volleyball thing, y-you remember that, r-right? Yeah… after that, I ran into her in the hallway, and we got into a bit of a shouting match over that whole thing. I was mad at her for pushing me so far, but I got carried away and said some things to her that I felt bad for later. Sorry, I guess there wasn’t any need to be so vague about it at the time…” My mind stumbles across the finish line just in time to stammer out a halfway decent excuse.

Senpai just continues to stare at me silently, carrying the same blank expression as when she started this particular line of questioning. She stares at me for quite some time, but I do my best not to blush or sweat.

Then, she sighs. “Honestly, Tohno-kun. You certainly have a knack for exaggerations when it comes to your own emotional state. I’d hardly describe any of that as ‘very bad’ or ‘awful.’ You should learn to be more straight with the people in your life, or you’ll end up making them worry too much.”

“Yeah, I guess so…” I sigh as well out of relief, though contextually it’d seem like I was sighing out of embarrassment. In reality, I’m just brushing off the stress of an otherwise close c-

“Still though…” She interrupts my thought. “Just in case you aren’t telling me the whole truth, and I’d understand if you weren’t… just… you should follow the advice that I gave you that day, and stay away from Sister Noel.”

“Huh?” Where’s this coming from?

“Err, well…” Senpai blushes a little. “… I guess, stay away from her about as much as you can, given that she’s your homeroom teacher and all. You can’t really stay away from her completely. Although maybe I can convince her to get reassigned to a different class…”

“Why?” I ask as calmly as I can, though I’m a bit panicked. “Is there something wrong with her? She’s your partner, isn’t she?”

Ciel-senpai pauses, and gives me a strange look. “…Ah, that’s right. I guess she would have told you about that after she watched you kill that Dead Apostle. I take it she must’ve also warned you that I could erase memories. I wonder why she’d do that…”

Damn… I’m not sure what Ciel does or doesn’t know, and I don’t really know what would be incriminating, or even just problematic for Noel if she were to find out something.

Although, that’s the second time she’s described the vampire I killed as a Dead Apostle. But I thought the one that I killed was called a True Ancestor… should I keep that to myself as well?

“Well, either way…” she continues. “To your question. Truthfully, Sister Noel is… a bit of a loose cannon when it comes to her duties as an Executor. Moreover, her tendency to overly… umm… indulge while undercover is troubling, and no small source of stress might I add.

“It was her task to investigate your diligence and physical limitations during the day; a responsibility that I told her again and again was unnecessary. It’s my understanding that her endeavors lead her to actually becoming your personal tutor, and that she visited the Tohno Mansion not long after that conversation of ours.

“While part of me admires her gusto, Sister Noel has veered entirely off script. In fact, she’s writing a different story altogether . My primary concern is that she’s sweeping you up into something… well, I hesitate to put it to words…” Senpai blushes and averts her eyes from me.

“I’m… not sure what you’re trying to insinuate, here…” a boldface lie. I know exactly where she’s going with this, but I want to hear her actually say it.

Ciel-senpai sighs once more. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to ask plainly. Has Sister Noel engaged in sexual relations with you?”

…

w…wow… I… hearing Ciel-senpai of all people ask a question like that… It’s just so bizarre. And to ask it in such a deadpan way… I can’t help but be taken aback. I imagine anyone in this situation would, or at least I’d like to think that’s the case.

“No, Senpai.” I give her my answer. There’s no way in hell I could answer it any other way. Even if there weren’t any potential consequences for Noel, it just not any of Senpai’s business, no matter how you look at it.

“Need I remind you that she is a 27 year old woman, and that you are a high school student?” Senpai’s deadpan voice continues, basically ignoring my answer.

“Nothing like that happened, Senpai.” I reiterate.

“Setting aside legality or social norms, the power dynamics at play here would be-“

“Nothing happened, Senpai.” I repeat myself, raising my voice just a few decimals.

“I’m sure your school had a seminar at some point about the effects of grooming on young-“

“We didn’t do anything like that!” I raise my voice even higher now.

Senpai responds with a concerned frown. “I just… Our investigation is all but finished. There’s no real reason to involve you in our business. Sister Noel seemed to have discovered the identity of Roa’s next incarnation even before I was able to, and as such, your interactions with either of us should have concluded. And yet, I find you, in the middle of the night, bleeding out in the street… on her lap…

“Tohno-kun… I just need you to know the kind of person your Noel-sensei really is. She’s not… evil, per se… but she’s entirely self-interested. If she can find a way to use the people around her, she’ll do it without the slightest hesitation, even if it comes at the expense of the person she’s using… or perhaps in this case, exploiting.

“I can understand you wanting to be delicate regarding a topic like this, Tohno-kun. But Sister Noel is just… not someone you should be spending any time with, under any circumstances. It’s important to me that you understand that, if I’m going to let you go on remembering all of this.” Senpai looks to be on the verge of tears, but it appears to be more from frustration than sadness.

“Senpai… if all of that is really true, then why is a person like that your partner?” I ask, and honestly I really want to know the answer to that one. Setting aside my biases, it’s clear that Ciel-senpai is far more professional, more mature even, than Noel. How is it that they got paired up like this?

Senpai looks at me, seemingly surprised at my question. She hesitates and looks around the room a bit before answering.

“It’s… well, it’s complicated. Far too much so to get into it at present.”

Complicated… interesting. That’s exactly what Noel said when I asked her about Senpai.

“I see…” I say while nodding. “Well… I’m not sure how to respond to all of this. Noel-sensei is… well, a complicated person to be sure… but she did help me when I had that anemia attack last night. And she called you, didn’t she?”

Senpai averts her eyes from me. “Hmm… I guess you’re right about that. I was honestly pretty surprised to have gotten that call from her…”

There’s a beat of silence between us as Senpai ponders to herself, with a slightly frustrated look on her face. It seems that her opinion of Noel is quite low, and my assertion has challenged it somewhat. I think this might be what they call cognitive dissonance.

Senpai shakes her head, tossing away whatever she was thinking. “Be that as it may, as I said earlier, Sister Noel and I are not going to be stationed in Souya for much longer; a few weeks to a month at most. As you’ve been eliminated as a suspect, there’s no reason for the two of you to interact with each other any more than is necessary between a teacher and a student. I guess… that’s really all I can say on the matter, for now anyway.” She tilts her head down at the end of her statement.

“Will you still be at school, then?” The whole reason they infiltrated the school was to investigate me after all. If I’m not a suspect anymore, then…

“Don’t worry.” Senpai reverts back to her signature smile. “You’ll still see me at school, if that’s what you were worried about. Even if we now know that the other Tohno Shiki is Roa’s current incarnation, we still don’t know his current whereabouts. A Vampire’s lair tends to be a place where a lot of people congregate, allowing for a steady food supply. Schools in particular are often made ample targets. I absolutely will not allow that to happen though. We’ll be both guarding and investigating the school, eliminating it as a possible stronghold for Roa, if nothing else.”

“I’m relieved to hear that.” Both that the school will be safe from this nightmare that currently threatens Souya… and that Ciel and Noel will still be here.

Ciel-senpai takes a look at her phone and frowns a bit. “Well, I’ve said just about all I need to, and it’s getting a little late. Sorry I couldn’t help you with any of your school work… although that’s pretty much your fault, isn’t it?”

I laugh awkwardly. “Sorry about that, again. I suppose I wouldn’t immediately forgive someone for getting me stabbed either.”

Senpai laughs. “Nah, It’s fine. Let’s just say I’m made of sterner stuff compared to your average Executor. Besides, I learned a lot of interesting things thanks to Goto-san, so it wasn’t a waste of time.”

“R-right, sure…” Hopefully she didn’t find out anything that would be a problem for Akiha. “I’ll see you out. We should probably let the maids know you’re leaving.”

Senpai bows, and the two of us exit my room, heading back to the main lobby and down the stairs. Apart from Hisui dusting a chair, there doesn’t seem to be anyone else here.

“Looks like Akiha is still resting.” I observe aloud. “Shame you never got to meet her.”

“Mhm…” Senpai quickly turns her head and nods, smiling innocuously. A bit of a strange reaction, but I’m too drained to think much of it.

Hisui notices the two of us heading for the door and walks towards us, then opens the door for Ciel-senpai, as if to hurriedly shoo her out the door, albeit as politely and as gracefully as one can.

Hisui bows. “Allow me to express the Tohno Family head’s gratitude for assisting her brother in his school work at such a late hour. A car has been prepared for you, so that you might be ushered home safely.”

“Oh my, how thoughtful.” Senpai blushes and smiles like a child, no doubt feigning the expected emotions of a typical student being offered a ride from a chauffeur. “Thank you so much!”

“But of course.” Hisui rises up from her initial bow, her expression as stoic as ever.

“Thanks for bringing my school work to me, Senpai.” I give a slight bow to Ciel-senpai as she walks through the doorway.

“You are very welcome.” Senpai turns back to Hisui and I, and bows. “And Tohno-kun, about our earlier conversation…” her eyes narrow just a bit. “…my answer remains unchanged. The best course of action is to cut ties with that person, for both your sakes.”

With that, Senpai bows one more time, and then turns to leave. The door shuts slowly behind her… and then, at last, Ciel-senpai’s visit to the Tohno Mansion draws to a close.

Goodness gracious… what an eventful couple of hours…

Hisui turns to me and gives a slightly puzzled look. “Shiki-sama, what exactly was she talking about just now? Who are you cutting ties with?”

Why on earth did Senpai have to say all of that in front of Hisui? Good grief…

“O-oh, well, that was… just a hypothetical question… f-for a Social Sciences class I’m taking.” I lie through my teeth.

“Hypo… thetical?” Hisui tilts her head, causing my heart to flutter.

She’s usually so stoic and disciplined that even the slightest bit of deviation from her baseline expressions is infinitely precious. I can’t bring myself to just brush her off.

“Yeah, it’s sort of a ‘what would you do if you were in a given situation’ kind of a question.”

Hisui puts her finger on her chin, pondering. “…so then, what was the question?”

“I’m a little surprised you’re taking so much interest in this.” I give a fake laugh, but to be honest, I’d really rather not have this conversation wi-

…

…actually, you know what? I think I do want Hisui’s input on this.

“Alright, so the question was, if a person that you know did something very bad to hurt you, but you also did something very bad to hurt that person, and you feel guilt for your actions but you also feel wronged, what should you do?”

Hisui stares at me silently for a moment, then her eyes trail downward as she thinks.

The two of us stand in the Tohno Mansion’s lobby silently for a moment… and then Hisui bobs her head back up.

“The person that you hurt in this situation… are they important to you?”

“ah-”

I can’t help but voice my surprise at Hisui’s follow-up question. It never occurred to me to factor something like that in, and yet in retrospect it seems so obvious.

“Very.” I respond.

“I see…” Hisui’s eyes are stern for a moment, then soften. She looks up at me, and gives me her answer.

“In that case, I believe it would be for the best that both parties try to forgive each other, as well as apologize for whatever wrongs were committed. I don’t mean to repudiate your friend’s answer mind you, as I am certain that she has her reasons for the conclusion that she came to. However… to cut ties with someone important to you… well, that would be very sad I think…”

I can’t help but smile from ear to ear. Hisui…

“I think I like your answer a little better…”

Not long after, Kohaku prepares dinner, but only for herself, Hisui and I. Akiha adjourned for the night, still tired from her long day. It’s probably for the best that I have just a bit more time to think before seeing her again, after everything that happened with Goto. In fact, I think I’ll keep the things I learned from him, as well as the bits and pieces I was able to gleam from that journal, to myself for the foreseeable future. It’s not that I don’t believe Akiha could handle me knowing more than she thinks, but she’s clearly comfortable with a Tohno Shiki that is largely in the dark about the sordid history of the Tohno family and the rivals it has conquered.

Granted, I doubt I’ll be able to keep it from her forever. She may have softened a little bit, but she can see right through me. Were she to suspect anything is off, I doubt it’d be long before she’d have me spilling just about everything.

As for Goto, he left the mansion before dinner started, and I’m certainly glad about that. I’d hate to have to sit across from the man I just dueled to near death, even if he doesn’t remember any of it.

In a strange way, I suppose I owe that man some small thanks. He did try to kill Senpai and me, and I’ll have to do something about that eventually, but if he hadn’t tried to cut my resolve down with that story of his, I’d still be pulling my hair trying to figure out why it was that I killed that vampire.

I know senpai pointed out his lies, but assuming the things that he said that align with my own knowledge is true, then I at last have a solid reason for what is happening to me.

A family that specialized in killing the supernatural.

A heretical secret to their success.

And…

An instinct inherent to that family’s bloodline.

Whatever it was that compelled me to do what I did that day, surely it must have been tied to this… to that family’s instinct.

Goto said that this instinct was something to which members of this family were unable or unwilling to fight against. It was certainly disheartening to hear that… but I believe in Senpai’s words; her faith in me. As long as I know that this instinct exists, I will find a way to keep myself from crossing that line again.

And if it weren’t for Saiki Goto’s little story, however ill-intended it may have been to tell it to me, I doubt I would have ever found the truth. Even if information on that family was in the journal he destroyed, I would have been distracted from it by all of the other bizarre things in Makihisa’s writings.

There is one thing that’s a bit puzzling in all this. Because this instinct seems to relate mostly to the supernatural, then its safe to say my friends and family are all safe. Killing only seems to come natural to me in the presence of creatures like the undead, that giant spider creature, or that vampire girl. I’ve never felt that way outside of those situations, and there’s no reason to assume I ever will.

That said… Akiha is a member of the Tohno family, and they are supposed to have some sort of divine blood. If that blood made them a target… why is it that I don’t feel any killing instinct when I’m around her? In fact, all I want to do is keep her safe, like any dutiful older brother would. So then…

…Oh shoot!! It’s almost midnight! I’ve been sitting at my desk in my room, finishing up my school work for tomorrow, and I must’ve let my mind wander after having finished all of it. How long have I been sitting here, my elbow to the desk, resting my head on my hand like some delinquent slacker.

I’d better turn the lights out and head for bed. I don’t want to sleep in three times in a row. That’d be bad news…

I get up from the desk and flip the light switch near the door, turning the lights out. The moonlight from the window illuminates the room just enough so that it isn’t uncomfortably dark like that office. I might be afraid to go to sleep were that the case.

I go to unbutton my uniform… when suddenly, I hear a thwack sound from the window.

“Huh?”

That was a bit too loud to be the wind.

Thwack

There it is again. What’s causing that noise?

I go over to the window to investigate and-

Thwack

A third one, but this time I got to see the source of the sound; a pebble bounced off the glass of the window.

There’s no way the wind could do that three times. Someone is throwing pebbles at my window like some western teen drama. But who could possibly…

I look down towards the trees… and I see the silhouette of a slender human figure walking into the wood, vanishing from my view.

Someone’s trying to get me to go outside… should I go greet them?

…

It might be some sort of trap. In fact, it might be Goto… but I doubt it. This seems a bit too… childish for his taste.

I gently open the door to my room, tip toe through the hallway, gently glide down the steps, and exit the mansion through the sitting room, leaving the door just slightly ajar so the automatic lock doesn’t kick in. I then make my way toward the end of the west wing courtyard, and over to the trees where I saw the figure heading.

There’s a gentle breeze through the air tonight. The scent of pine and damp leaves permeate the air. Rays of moonlight pierce through the gaps in the trees, just barely illuminating my way through the west side of the outer Tohno residence.

I’m not seeing anyone around, despite reaching a small clearing between four… no, five trees.

I hesitate to do this but…

“Hello?” I call out. “Is uh… is anyone there?”

A light gust kicks up some dust and leaves on the ground as my question is met with silence… until…

“Hey…” a shaky, yet familiar voice from behind the tree directly in front of me.

The two of us just stand in place, neither of us able to look at the other.

I’ve overcome so much today, and in the apex of my misery, I wanted to see her… but now that I’m face to face with her, I… I don’t know what to say. I’m not even sure if I should say anything at all. Part of me feels as though I should wait to hear what she has to say… though it’s possible that she’s thinking the same thing I am…

I hear a slight bustling coming from the ground as Noel fixes her posture slightly. I look back up, and see her working up the courage to speak, her mouth open but silent.

“Talk to me…” I call out to her gently, giving her an emotional push.

At last, Noel looks directly at me, albeit with shock. Reflected moonlight swirls in those vast deep brown eyes of hers. Just looking at her like this is enough to make my heart shatter.

She averts her gaze downward again. “…are…” her nervous voice cracks as she speaks, barely louder than a whisper. “…are you okay…?”

“Am I okay?” …oh, she probably means after the anemia attack last night. “…yeah, I’m fine. No permanent damage or anything… that’s what you’re referring to, right?”

No response. She won’t look back at me, still watching the floor with those sad, guilt-ridden eyes.

This isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go… but I’m growing impatient.

“Aren’t you going to talk about what happened?” I ask bluntly and firmly, without raising my voice. “An explanation? An apology? Anything?”

No response. She still won’t look at me.

“How could you just leave me behind like that?” My voice begins to raise, but I don’t quite yell at her. “I thought you wanted me to help you, to give you a better life than the one you’re living now… but you left me there to die. How am I supposed to help you if I’m dead, Noel-sensei?”

No response. She won’t look at me.

I clench my fist in frustration.

“A lot of stuff happened between us… maybe it shouldn’t have… but it did, and I thought… I thought that meant something.

“Listening to you singing in the shower, laughing together with you in my arms, the secrets we shared with each other? The promises we made? Did any of it matter to you?”

…

No response. She just stands there.

“Well… it mattered to me. That’s… what I wanted to tell you… during that car ride, I mean.

“I… I missed you today… even after what you did… even after everything that happened today… when I was at my absolute lowest… the thing that kept me going, was the hope… that I would see you again…”

No response.

“Will you just SAY SOMETHING!?” I lose my patience and shout at her. “How can I forgive you if you just stand there!? How can I ever trust you again!? How could you just leave me there to die!? And when that vampire, when Anji-san attacked you, why did you call for me!? Or is that all I ever was to you!? Just an asset you could exploit and use up!? Is that it!?”

…

No response. She just… stands there.

…This isn’t getting us anywhere, and I’m going to wake up the others if I keep shouting at her like this. I don’t have anything left to say besides. Maybe… we’re both just tired. It is midnight after all.

“You should just go home. We… can try again tomorrow, maybe…” I avert my gaze to the side, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. I really wanted to put all of this behind us, but she won’t even say anything, neither accepting or even rejecting accountability. I want to keep helping her, but…

…well, I guess I don’t really need her help, if my true goal is to save my town. She’s told me enough that I can probably keep going on my own, if necessary. Either that, or I can assist Ciel-senpai.

I wanted to do both, to protect Souya and help Noel… but…

“Goodbye, Noel-sensei…” I turn my back to her, although it pains me to do so. I take one step, and-

“I’M SORRY!!!” my back is grabbed from behind, or rather, embraced suddenly.

“Noel-sensei?” I turn my head to my left, and my cheek touches her forehead. Her arms are wrapped around me, with her fingers tightly interlocked, refusing to let me go.

“I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY!!!” She screams as she sobs uncontrollably.

“Keep it down, you’re gonna wake Akiha!” I respond nervously, wobbling a bit as this position she has me in makes it hard to maintain my balance.

Noel sniffs hard as the tears gush out of her. “The creature that came out of the building that night, that… that thing! I saw it back then too! On the day when I lost everything! And everyone! I felt like I was that scared helpless kid all over again, and so I ran! I dropped everything and I ran away! But I didn’t mean to leave you to die!! I didn’t mean to do that!! I swear!! I swear to Go-…d…” She can barely finish that last sentence as the heaving of heavy sobs overtake her.

“Noel…” I want to ask her about this past that she’s finally opening up about, but I’m afraid she’ll stop talking if I try to interject now.

“When I left you,” she pushes through the tears. “when I turned that corner, the second that I reached the edge of the alleyway, I collapsed!! I couldn’t move! I realized what I did was unforgivable, and that I could never take it back no matter how much I atone! I thought you died, I… I thought that I’d killed you, and I collapsed!!

“That’s when Anji-kun attacked me, and I wasn’t ready! He had me cornered, and he said those awful things! And so… I called out to you! Who else could I turn to!? You’re all I have!!

“I don’t have anyone else! Everyone hates me! Everyone who ever loved me, or cared about me, is dead! They’re all gone! I’ve been all alone for so long! You’re the only friend I have! The only person in the whole world that I can trust… and I… I abandoned you…”

She just keeps sobbing after this. I can feel her mouth the words ‘I’m sorry’ over and over on my tear-soaked shoulder.

“Noel…” all I can think to say is her name. I once heard her say that no one cares about her. I never realized the gravity of what that means to say something like that and truly believe it.

“I’m… rotten.” A self-hating growl escapes Noel’s lips. “Everything about me is soaked with sin, and I can’t wash it away. If I could, I don’t know if I’d even recognize myself. I’m just a scared, stupid, dirty little animal, running around doing whatever I want, treating every whim like it’s a need. I’m not… capable… of doing the right thing… not ever…

“I’m rotten to the core. I don’t deserve to live, and I don’t deserve you. Not your help, not your friendship, not anything…but…” the tears come rushing back. “…but you’re all I have… You’re the only person who thinks I’m funny, who I can talk to about anything, who’ll put up with me when I’m angry or freaking out… and… if you left… I would miss you… I would miss you so m…uch…

“So please… Shiki… please don’t say ‘goodbye’ like that…”

Noel… the way I said goodbye… I only meant goodbye for now, because we’d see each other tomorrow… but in truth… I did say it like that… I lashed out in such an ugly way…

“Noel… please let me look at you.” She still has me tethered from behind with interlocked fingers.

She stays that way for a bit longer, then finally, hesitantly lets me go.

I turn to face her. She’s absolutely covered in tears and snot, red in the face, practically swollen from the sting of guilt. Even when we’re this close, our bodies almost touching, she still averts her eyes from me.

“Now look at me…” I speak softly with a smile on my face.

She’s slowly acquiesces to my request, gazing right into my eyes. I gaze into hers as well; eyes that I once thought were empty and vacant, but in reality are endless in their depth.

I still don’t know everything of the pain that she’s experienced in her life, and I don’t know if she’ll ever get the chance to tell me all of it. But I see it now in her eyes how much she’s been through, and I understand all too well what it’s like to feel defined by sin and sorrow.

I wipe away her face as best I can with my sleeve, and place my lips gently against her head, holding her in my arms.

“Do you remember when you sang to me that night?” I whisper to her. “You were crying then, too… I should have realized why…”

Its true. I should have realized right then and there that those were tears of regret. She saved my life after I saved hers. If she really saw me as expendable, she wouldn’t have called Senpai…

“I…” My heart flutters at the sound of Noel’s whimpering voice. “…I didn’t know what else to do… you were bleeding so much, and I didn’t know how long Ciel would be… Ciel, she-… she told me not to come see you… she said that I’d just hurt you again… she made me promise not to, but… I had to see you… I needed to know you were okay…”

“I’ll be alright.” I stroke the back of her hair, my hand lowering to her shoulder as I pull her close to me. “Noel… I forgive you, okay? You don’t have to cry, or say you’re sorry, or beat yourself up anymore. Even if you are covered with sin, that’s fine with me. After all, I’m not any better.

“A long time ago, I promised someone that I’d live in a way that my younger self could be proud of… and yet all I’ve really done is just… exist, you know? Going to school, eating dinner with my family, spending time with a few friends… and putting everything that’s wrong with me in the back of my mind, pretending like none of it’s there… its no wonder that it all spilled over these last few days.

“I’ve spent a lot of time feeling like I’m no good… that I’m a monster that should be killed or locked up… but I don’t want that for myself, even if I feel like I deserve it, or that I’ll hurt someone if I’m allowed to roam free. Even if all of that is true, I still don’t want to die… and I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t see you anymore…”

“Shiki…” Noel looks right at me with those eyes of hers.

Those words swell up into the back of my throat again… but I push them back down. Only this time, it’s not because I’m uncertain. I know how I feel about her, now more than ever; how I’ve… always felt…

But… if our time is to be cut short, if she is going to leave Souya in a month no matter what happens… then I want those words to be the last thing I say to her… before I we say our last goodbyes…

So while I may be unable to say those words… there’s another way to express how I feel… how we both feel.

Our lips touch, then press, and then our mouths open. I can feel her air in my lungs. Our bodies press into each other like gravity… like two halves made whole.

I hear the crackling of a tree branch on the ground somewhere deeper into the wood, followed by the sound of wind blowing. Probably just a bird or some other animal. I pay it no heed, as all of my attention is on her.

I can feel the tension in Noel’s body, that had built up as her emotions swelled and spilled over, slowly release as her arms settled themselves around my back.

The moon shines down on our soothing embrace. Our lips lock and our bodies pull into each other minute after minute. If we keep going like this, one of us might end up catching a cold. I gently pull my face away from hers, and we transition into a tender, gentler hug.

“It’s pretty late.” I whisper as I run my fingers down her hair.

“I know.” She responds, gently pushing and rubbing her fingers into my shoulders. “We just don’t have any time right now… but I want to talk more… and I want to do a lot more…”

“We will.” I pull away from her, but I also take her hands into mine. “We still have a lot of days to look forward to, and we certainly have our work cut out for us.”

“Yeah.” She smiles at last, and our fingers slide away from each other’s grip as she takes a few steps back. “Thank you… and I’ll see in class you tomorrow. Don’t be late.” She chuckles and winks.

“I won’t.” I laugh softly. “Get home safe.”

“I have to report back first… but yeah, I will.” Noel takes a few more steps back. “See you.”

And with that, Noel turns and actually leaps away, leaving my view faster than I thought she would. I hear the sound of her boots colliding with the ground, each earthy thump quieter and farther away, until the only the billowing trees can be heard.

After standing there for a few more minutes, letting the fireworks settle down, I return to my room as quietly as I’m able. For a moment, I thought that I heard the sound of footsteps coming from the lower floor, but I decide against investigating further. It’s probably just Hisui or Kohaku-san doing their last rounds. They really should be in bed by now, since their days start earlier than mine.

I change out of my uniform and tuck myself into the soft fluffy sheets, sinking into the freshly-plucked down of cherubs. She may not be lying next to me, but just knowing that she and I are of the same mind is enough, at least for now.

I stare up at the high ceiling of my bedroom, and slowly shut my eyes.

“Senpai… you were wrong about her…”

She’s not evil, but entirely self-interested. If she can find away to use or exploit you, she will.

That is how Ciel-senpai described Noel as she warned me again and again to stay away from her… and it seems she warned Noel to stay away from me. I hope she doesn’t get into any trouble for disobeying.

Is it really fair to call Noel ‘self-interested,’ though? She’s about as much so as any normal person in her situation, from what I’ve been able to see. Putting your life at risk night upon night in such a dangerous and gruesome job, is it really any wonder Noel wants to find a way to put it behind her? Is it really so wrong to seek a bit of normalcy?

And, alright, I suppose it’s fair to describe the nature of our partnership as exploitative in its formation. I was emotionally vulnerable, and she hardly knew me. All she saw was a boy with powers that she could use to make her harsh life a little better. It’s only natural for her to take advantage of a situation like that.

But things changed… Noel changed. She cares about me. My feelings matter to her. It will be different from now on, I know it!

Maybe, once I’ve killed those Dead Apostles and Noel is promoted, we can still see each other on occasion, or at least call. Hell… maybe I could go with her.

Akiha might get sad though, if I left with some woman to go who-knows-where… I should probably finish school first. It’ll be quieter without her teaching, though…

The thoughts finally begin to dim in my head. The curtain at last falls upon this exhausting day of life, and the stagehands now hurriedly set the stage for the next act.