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Jason drops the razor blade onto the bed, his hands shaking slightly. Why did he just do that? The cuts on his thigh sting and he can"t help but bite his tongue. He wants to cry. He can"t believe he just did that. What was he thinking? The Robin suit isn"t gonna cover that. He hasn"t even cut since Bruce took him in, what"s different now? Why did he do that? Why did he do that?
He lightly tugs on his curls, trying to distract himself from the pain. He lets out a huff as a tear falls from his eye. He can"t stop the tears, and soon, he"s loudly sobbing. He hates himself. He hates that he did that. He gets up and tries to take deep breaths. Bandaids. He needs Bandaids.
He makes his way across his room, the carpet soft on his feet. Everything here is so nice, why did he have to ruin it by bringing his old habits back? He opens his door quietly, too scared to make any noise. He peaks his head out, and the halls are dark. He doesn"t know what time it is but he knows it"s been dark outside for a while. He sneaks across the halls to the closest bathroom, trying not to make any noise as he continues to cry.
When near the bathroom, he bumps into someone. They apologize with a light laugh.
Shiiiittt. It"s Dick.
“Jay? Why are you up?”
Jason turns away, “I was just going to go to the bathroom. You can use that one though.. I"ll uh..” he pauses, and it"s clear that in his voice, he"s been crying, “I"ll find another one.”
Dick steps towards him, “Uh, I wasn"t going to the bathroom. I just got a cup of water, and now I"m going back to my room? Are you okay?”
Jason sobs at the question but quickly wipe his tears. Dick is quick to go to Jason and duck down in front of him, looking at his face.
“Hey, hey, hey— what"s wrong?" He asks Jason, cupping the boys face for comfort.
He sees the blood when Jason tries to move away. His eyes widen, trying to comprehend it.
“Jason?"
Jason only sobs harder and quickly runs back to his room, ignoring whatever Dick shouts at him. He"s quick to lock the door and go to his closet, sobbing into the small bean bag placed in the corner of it.
Jason doesn"t know how long it"s been when there"s a light knock on his door.
“Jaylad?"
Of-fucking-course Dick told Bruce. He doesn"t reply and only huffs and sniffles, trying to stabilize his breathing. Bruce slowly opens the door, light creeping into the dark room. Hey, didn"t he lock the door?
Bruce calls out a little louder, “Jason?”
He peers around the room and then sees him in the closet. Jason turns away, hiding his face into the beanbag. He doesn"t want to deal with this. However, Bruce still takes some steps towards him, and then just sits.
“I"m here for whenever you wanna talk, but we do.. need to talk tonight.”
Jason sniffles.
He doesn"t wanna talk about it, he"s never talked about it before. His parents didn"t really notice it, he could hide it with his baggy clothes or excuse that blood they found was from something else. When his mom noticed, she only frowned.
She didn"t even try to stop him, she would just hug him, and later, he would hear her cry in her room. Maybe it"s because her boy is hurting himself, maybe it was because she didn"t know how to help, or maybe it"s because she has those same scars and cuts, and wondered if Jason learned it from her.
He wipes his tears with his hoodie. It"s a Slipknot hoodie that Dick got for him after he took him to a concert for his birthday. Dick, Bruce, and Alfred have always done so much for him, he feels so shitty messing everything up. He doesn"t wanna mess anything up anymore, he should get help so he can be a good kid that doesn"t cause any problems.
Which is why he stumbles over into Bruce"s arms. Bruce stays sitting down and wraps Jason into a warm embrace. Jason is now practically sitting in his lap, but neither of them care how childish it is. Bruce rubs his head and shushes him as Jason cries into him.
“It"s okay Jaylad, it"s okay.”
They hug in silence for another minute.
Bruce doesn"t let go of him, but he pushes him slightly back so he can see his face, “you know I"m not mad at you, right?”
Jason nods as he looks away, not wanting to make eye contact with Bruce. A tear falls into his thigh and he makes a small yelping noise as it burns. Bruce holds him tighter for a second, then relaxes.
“Let"s clean you up, okay?”
They make their way down to the batcave, and Bruce sits him up on the table. Alfred, who Jason didn"t even realize was here because he was looking at the ground the whole time, strokes his hair.
“You"re hurt, Master Jason?”
Jason nods, clearly not wanting to have a conversation.
As Alfred fixes him up, Bruce holds his hand. He almost lets go, he almost tells Bruce that he"s not a child and he can handle pain, he almost runs away from all of them. However, he is a child, and he can"t handle all of the pain he"s feeling on his own. He finally is relaxing a little, despite the pain, but Bruce pulls away.
His head immediately turns to Bruce and he frowns. He sees Dick at the entrance of the cave, just looking at them with his arms crossed. Is he mad at him?
Bruce sighs, “I need a second Jason. I"ll be back, promise.”
Jason nods and he looks up, trying not to look at anyone or his cuts. He pretends to not hear Dick scolds Bruce for taking him down to the cave. He talks about how he needs a calm soothing environment, and not a dark tavern full of rodents. Bruce argues that Alfred was already down here and they already have a medical center set up here.
He doesn"t hear the rest, because Alfred calls out, “Master Bruce, Master Richard!” and he doesn"t need to say more than that for them to stop. His shaking eases. He didn"t even realize he was shaking.. that"s probably why Alfred yelled at them.
After a few minutes, Alfred pats his thigh to tell him he"s done. Jason slides off the table and stands in front of it for a minute, looking down. Bruce swoops him up and holds him, ruffling his hair as he does.
“Thank you Alfred,” Jason says as Bruce carries him away.
Usually he wouldn"t let anyone carry him like this, but he"s too tired to stop Bruce. Dick says something to him, probably a soothing comment or reassurance that he"s not upset or that it"s okay or something. Jason is, however, lost in his thoughts, and is practically half asleep; so, he doesn"t process a word Dick says.
He lets them tuck him into bed, which is, again, usually something he"d say no too. He"s too old for all the babying is what he always says, but right now, just for tonight, it"s okay.
They"ll talk in the morning, they"ll cry, they"ll sort it out, and they"ll get Jason help. However, for right now, they"ll hold Jason through the night lying into bed right next to him.