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“Hey baby,” Eddie purred as he practically draped himself across Steve as he walked in.
“Baby?” Steve repeated.
“Sorry,” Eddie said, eyes still full of stars as he stared adoringly. “I know pet names in public aren’t really your thing. Forgive me for it?”
Steve found himself distracted by Eddie’s fingers playing with the hair on the back of his neck. “Um, sure?”
“Great!” Eddie leaned in and nuzzled against Steve’s neck. Once his face was close to Steve’s ear, he whispered, “That creep in the corner just can’t seem to get the hint that I’m not interested in him.”
Steve frowned as he glanced over. His eyes met a rather grisly looking biker. On instinct, Steve glared at him, pleased when the man had the good sense to purse his lips and turn away.
“He’s not going to bother you again, honey,” Steve promised as he wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist. “Surely he can take a hint about this.”
Eddie visibly sagged in relief. “I’ve missed you,” he said and genuinely sounded like he meant it. “How are Robin and Nancy doing in Chicago?”
“They’re still doing great. Both of them want me to tell you they’re sorry you couldn’t make it.”
Eddie shrugged. “I mean I am too, but I just didn’t have the time to ask off. Not that the store couldn’t have done without me for a week.”
Steve met the bartender’s eye, and she slowly traced down their connected forms—clearly taking in Eddie’s arms around Steve’s neck and his around Eddie’s waist—before a slow smile spread across her face.
“Well, it’s about time!” LaDonna called as she made her way over.
“What?” Eddie looked up, deer in the headlights as he realized what she was talking about. He started to pull away. “No, it’s not—”
“Just needed a little time apart to figure things out,” Steve said. Why he’d doubled down, he couldn’t explain even to himself.
“Good,” she said firmly. “I kept telling Eddie he needed to jump while he could. You’re both too good to stay single when you’ve got someone that wonderful by your side.”
Steve felt his cheeks heating up, and he glanced at Eddie to see that his roommate was decidedly looking anywhere but at him.
“Don’t tease him,” Steve said. “We’re here now, aren’t we?”
“That you are.” LaDonna beamed. “Now then, another Sunrise for you, Eddie? Steve, you want your whiskey?”
“That would be lovely,” Steve said as Eddie nodded.
“What are you doing?” Eddie whispered as LaDonna turned her back to make the drinks.
“Just playing along,” Steve replied, hoping he sounded more confident than he was. “She seemed so excited.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “She did.”
Later that night as the roommates parted ways to their respective bedrooms, Steve wondered if he’d detected a little disappointment in Eddie’s voice. He probably had. After all, why would Eddie want to date someone like Steve?
…
In hindsight, maybe Steve should have realized how often they’d have to play pretend like this when he’d committed to the bit at their favorite bar.
“We could always break up,” Eddie offered a few weeks later as they prepared to walk in, hands threaded together for half the walk.
Steve scoffed. “And go back to being just friends? I don’t think so. LaDonna’s not dumb enough to fall for that. Besides, it’s kind of nice. No one ever hits on us, so we can just focus on hanging out. You prefer it this way, don’t you?”
“Well, yeah,” Eddie said and rolled his eyes. “It was just a suggestion in case you were getting tired of me.”
Steve grinned as he squeezed Eddie’s hand. “Never.” Then he opened the door and walked in, pulling Eddie behind him. It wasn’t like this had to mean anything outside their time in the bar. No one else knew.
At least, at first.
Somehow it never crossed Steve’s mind that it might be an issue when Corroded Coffin played there.
He cheered them on throughout their show the same way he always did, and there was nothing out of the ordinary about Steve pulling Eddie into a hug as he returned to the bar after. They’d always been a little touchy.
But Jeff walked up just as LaDonna plopped Eddie’s drink down in front of him and announced, “First one of the night for my favorite loverboy.”
“Loverboy?” he repeated, throwing an arm around Eddie.
Steve watched Eddie shrink back, made even worse by Gareth arriving too with Paul close behind.
LaDonna looked first at Jeff, then Eddie, then Steve. “Shoot, was that a secret?” She clapped her hands together and seemed genuinely upset. “I’m so sorry, boys!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Steve said at the same moment Eddie jumped in with, “We were going to tell them soon.”
“We?” Gareth cleared his throat. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
Steve let out a weak laugh. “You already gave me the shovel talk when we became friends.”
“That one has fewer details than the dating one,” Paul said. “Wait, seriously? When did that happen?”
Eddie shrugged. “A few weeks ago. We’ve been talking it slow.”
Jeff snorted and mumbled, “At tortoise speed.”
Eddie elbowed him in the side. “Anyway… Sorry, we, um… I… meant to tell you soon. I just couldn’t figure out how.”
“I get it, man,” Gareth said as he reached out for the glass LaDonna had inched onto the bartop to avoid interrupting. “Not gonna lie, I don’t understand it. Not because he’s a guy but because he’s Steve.” He glanced over. “No offense.”
“Some taken?” Steve figured it was better to just grab his drink and take a gulp rather than give himself a chance to say more, especially with the way Gareth waved his hand.
“But anyway,” Gareth continued with his attention still on Eddie, “happy for you, man. It’s a surprise, yeah, but also… not really.”
“Hey!” Eddie protested, his face going red. Perhaps it was a built habit influenced by being at the bar these days, but he shrank in against Steve’s side.
“Oh, leave him be.” Automatically Steve wrapped an arm around his waist. He didn’t think anything of it. He and Eddie had been touchy for ages; this little charade had only added a new layer.
Jeff raised a brow. “Probably for the best,” he agreed. “I suspect there are details to this story that we don’t need.”
LaDonna snorted as she turned to head back across the bar. “I haven’t asked.”
“All right,” Steve said. “Everyone’s had a laugh at our love life. Time to move on.” He took a drink, then looked toward Gareth, absentmindedly rubbing Eddie’s back. “What was that song you guys played with the drum solo? Was that new?”
Gareth’s eyes lit up, and it did the trick of changing the subject.
Slowly as the conversation moved on, Steve felt Eddie relax next to him. His friends didn’t seem to mind. That was good. Yeah, they’d been friends for a long time, but Steve knew he didn’t exactly fit in and definitely wasn’t what they expected Eddie’s type to be.
Then he had to remind himself he wasn’t Eddie’s type. This wasn’t real.
“Everything okay?” Eddie asked, low in his ear. “You went quiet.”
“Yeah, everything fine,” Steve said and tried to believe it was true.
…
Steve rubbed his hands together, wishing he’d thought to get another pair of gloves. Eddie had stolen his at the bar last week, playing it off by promising to hold Steve’s hand to keep it warm all the way home. In his defense, he had, although it left Steve’s fingers a bit frozen now.
He flexed them in and out, balling his fingers up then stretching them as wide as they’d go as circulation slowly returned to normal.
Flopping down on the couch, Steve glanced up at the clock. Any moment now, Dustin should be calling. They hadn’t talked in ages for them. Steve knew Dustin had finals coming up and that it made things busy. Well, he’d heard. First hand, he didn’t exactly know, but Steve had supported Robin through her freshman year. He was happy to patiently do the same for Dustin.
Right on schedule, the phone rang.
Steve smiled fondly as he reached for it. Despite all his new friends, Dustin cared enough to call Steve on time.
“Hey Dustin, how did that calc project turn out?”
“Who cares?” Dustin half-shrieked. “You’ve been holding out on me.”
“I’ve what?” Steve asked. “I’m confused. What do you think I haven’t told you?”
“Oh, don’t play that game.” From his voice, Steve could picture the expression on Dustin’s face, one of displeasure, annoyance, and entitlement to whatever information he thought he deserved. “I talked to Gareth yesterday.”
For a moment, Steve still didn’t get it. When reality hit, it landed on his stomach with a thump, knocking the air from his lungs. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh,” Dustin snapped. “Spill! Actually no, I want to talk more first.”
“Of course you do,” Steve said wryly.
Dustin didn’t slow down long enough to respond. “I realize that I’ve been wrapped up in school and new stuff, but I cannot believe you didn’t think it was worth telling me. The fact that I found out from Gareth? Who assumed I knew? Who’s known for almost a month? I mean what the hell, Steve?”
He winced. “Sorry, I just—”
“Not done! And Eddie of all people! I thought maybe something was going on when you first moved in together, but he swore up and down that it wasn’t anything like that, that you would never go for him. I guess I should have been talking to you instead. It takes a lot of audacity to keep something like that a secret. How long has this been going on?”
The silence lasted just long enough for Steve to realize Dustin expected an answer when the kid added another, “Hello?”
“Keep your shirt on,” Steve mumbled. “Well, um, I guess that’s hard to say.”
“Why? Why would that be a hard answer?”
“Because it sort of just happened,” Steve admitted. “One minute we were the Steve and Eddie we’ve been, and then all of a sudden, it was more.”
That felt safe. It wasn’t untrue either. Maybe technically they hadn’t changed, but Steve could feel it. He noticed Eddie in ways he never had before. Plus, there was the whole people thinking they were together thing. People saw things now in innocent gestures they’d always done, but Steve also felt like he could be bolder now. He could reach for Eddie’s hand at the bar or put a hand on the back of his head when Eddie rested his forehead against Steve’s shoulder. No one batted an eye.
“When did he become your boyfriend?”
“I mean I guess we started using that word at the bar,” Steve admitted. “I don’t think we really, truly decided when things changed. They just did.”
On the other end of the line, he heard Dustin release a terse breath. “Why are you guys like this?”
“Like what?” Steve asked, genuinely offended.
“For a guy who gave me an awful lot of dating advice, you sure are bad at dating.”
“Hey now!”
Dustin laughed. “I’m serious. If this had happened like two years ago, I wouldn’t have been surprised. I guess it took you guys long enough to figure it out that I didn’t expect it anymore. I guess I thought that if it was going to happen, it would have already.”
“It wasn’t going to happen,” Steve said. He didn’t dare explain why.
He was actively lying to Dustin right now by not giving him the whole story, but at this point, they were in too deep. And telling Dustin, even if he swore the kid to secrecy, felt like it would change things again. No one outside the bar should have known. And now no one could know the truth but them. It would break something if someone else knew. Whate exactly, Steve couldn’t define. But things felt too good right now to let it crumble.
Dustin cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah, you were straight then. Whatever.”
Steve closed his eyes, twirling his fingers around the phone cord. “I’m not going to examine what that means.”
Dustin snorted. There was a moment of silence. Then, “So…”
“Don’t,” Steve warned.
“I’m just curious,” Dustin said, his voice going high like it had when he was young. “I was just wondering which of you… ya know…”
“I’m not answering that,” Steve said flatly.
…
“He didn’t ask that.” Eddie’s head thumped against the back of the couch as he groaned. “Who taught that child manners? Clearly it wasn’t us.”
“Because you’d be such a good role model for that,” Steve teased.
Eddie lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at Steve. “I don’t appreciate that tone.”
“You don’t appreciate that truth.”
Instead of verbally responding, Eddie dove sideways to poke Steve in the stomach. After a bit of shrieking and laughter, they settled again, this time with Eddie’s head in Steve’s lap. Out of habit, Steve started carding his hands through Eddie’s hair. He smiled softly as he watched his roommate’s eyes flutter closed.
Without thinking, Steve asked, “Who do you think it would be between us?”
It was only as Eddie stiffened that Steve fully thought through the implications of his own comment.
Of course, Steve could say something like that. For him, it was all hypothetical. He’d never been in either position, not with a guy. He’d let girls try things they were curious about before, but he’d never gone all the way as the catcher, only the pitcher, and only with women who had assumed alongside him that it was the only dynamic that made sense.
He knew it enough from awkward conversations with Robin and reading magazines both she and Eddie had left lying around before that sex could be and probably should be thought of in terms far beyond penetration and that dynamic. Steve knew all that. But knowing it and living it were two totally different things.
Eddie had lived it. Steve knew, even though they never brought people back to their shared space, that Eddie hadn’t struggled to find people since they’d moved to Indy full time. Find men. Steve had watched him flirt at the bar before and also knew he went out without Steve, sometimes for that express purpose.
He’d gotten glimpses of Eddie’s type—dark hair, dark eyes, good build, oozing confidence. He’d told himself not to think too much about it.
Now Steve couldn’t seem to think of anything else. He imagined some of the men he’d seen hit on Eddie and the way Eddie had responded. He had a tendency to defer, but if Steve thought about it, the exchanges always felt a little cat and mouse. Did Eddie want to be in control? Did Eddie want to let them take charge? Even if he could figure out the answer, Steve knew that didn’t necessarily tell him anything about Eddie’s position preferences. And since when did he care so much anyway?
They’d both been silent too long. Steve knew he needed to say something. He couldn’t let this keep stretching on. It was getting more awkward by the moment. He had to talk. He had to fix this. Eddie didn’t give him the chance.
“I guess with all this going on, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten laid.”
He nearly bolted off the couch at Eddie’s words and perhaps might have if the man in question wasn’t still on his lap, head as tense as the rest of his body in a pose Steve thought was supposed to read as relaxed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asked.
Eddie’s eyes shifted back and forth, not quite meeting Steve’s eyes. “I mean you’ve always been a guy who doesn’t exactly struggle to find dates, and you haven’t exactly been able to date since we’ve started this little game.”
“Yeah, and they’ve always been so successful,” Steve said sarcastically. His dry spell honestly had gotten laughably long. “Besides, you’ve done plenty well for youself lately.”
Eddie shrugged. “Yeah, well, I’m not really feeling hard up or anything, but if you’re thinking about, well—” He coughed and kept moving. “I’m just saying. We could create some kind of amicable breakup or whatever. ‘Realize we’re better friends than partners.’ I mean people finding out… That’s gotta change things, right?”
“Does it?” Steve asked and then blushed. He couldn’t explain why or at least didn’t want to. “I mean Dustin’s a little annoying, sure, but he always is. At least he isn’t giving me the third degree about every single woman I’ve ever interacted with now.”
“I suppose,” Eddie said. “Plus, it is nice to have all the guys lightly ribbing but not trying to set me up with anyone when we go to a gig. Paul does not know my type and never has.”
Steve cleared his throat. “Then I guess it’s settled. We keep fake dating.”
Eddie looked at him for a long moment with something unreadable in his eyes. “I guess we do.”
…
Robin raked Steve over the coals for not saying anything when she found out. For a moment, he almost blurted out everything. If anyone deserved to know, it was Robin.
But then she softened over the phone and said, “All that aside, I really am happy for you, Steve. You deserve someone who will love you as much as Eddie does.”
How could he break that illusion?
Instead Steve and Eddie kept up appearances. They swayed into each other’s orbit in public so often that at home on the couch, Steve thought nothing of Eddie curling in under his arm while watching a movie. He tried not to anyway—not when thinking about it would only drive himself crazy. He didn’t have this, not really. This was new platonic for them.
Steve could distract himself for hours thinking about what things could have actually been, but it didn’t do any good. He knew better than to assume Eddie would be interested in making this a real relationship.
His feelings could be pushed aside, and Steve could ignore them to focus on the balance of this facade instead.
At least he could without Robin’s interference.
“Oh come on,” she teased. “You don’t expect me to believe that you and Eddie chastely sleep in your own rooms every night. I’ll just sleep in your bed while I’m visiting.”
“Okay,” Steve said, feeling a black hole forming in the pit of his stomach. “I’ll wash the sheets.”
Eddie took the news more graciously than Steve expected, but there was still an akwardness in the air, a string pulled taut between them. As they moved around each other and Robin making dinner, Steve could tell that the easy push and pull he and Eddie had shared for the past few months had finally worn thin.
He’d finally pushed his luck too far.
They couldn’t acknowledge it in front of Robin, though, not without a breakup, so Steve told himself to suck it up and make things work until she went home next weekend.
Steve felt a hollowness in his own voice as he told Robin to have a good night. The short jaunt down the hall to Eddie’s room had never seemed like such a long distance.
For a moment, he told himself he could sleep on the couch. Hopefully Robin wouldn’t catch him by getting up in the middle of the night, but he could always play it off as being unable to sleep. He might have to do differently tomorrow, but Steve could figure that out then.
The plan seemed solid. Then Eddie turned around on his way to his own bedroom and asked, “You coming?”
And there was a teasing lilt to his voice that Steve couldn’t ignore. Without a word, he followed Eddie.
As Steve shut the door behind him, something in the air crackled, but he hoped that was only in his own head. Hopefully this weird tension was one-sided and that Eddie didn’t notice a thing.
“You mind?” Eddie asked, gesturing to himself. “I don’t mind leaving a shirt on, but I get too hot in the night to sleep with pants. Yeah, even in this weather.”
“That’s fine,” Steve said. “I don’t tend to wear a shirt.”
Eddie shrugged. “That’ll work.” He didn’t meet Steve’s eye as they started undressing in the quiet.
“No music to go to sleep?” Steve teased.
Eddie chuckled. “If you ever hear me playing music when you’re going to sleep, assume I’m not yet. It wakes me instead.”
“We should fix your sleep schedule,” Steve said sagely. He’d fallen alseep more times than he could count to the muffled sound of Eddie’s music through the wall.
Eddie grinned as he climbed into bed. “No partner’s managed it yet.”
“You’d have to want to keep someone around long enough,” Steve teased, trying to ignore the implications as he made his way around to the other side of the bed.
“I suppose so.” Eddie stared up at the ceiling, and Steve tried not to notice it as he hit the lights.
“Night, Eddie,” Steve said quietly as he too rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
“Night.”
For a few minutes that stretched out like an eternity, they laid in silence. Next to him, Steve felt Eddie turn over in his direction. That must have been his preferred side to sleep on because Steve didn’t know why else Eddie would want to face the middle. He closed his eyes and pretended not to notice. He lifted his own hand, then jerked it back as if he’d been burned when he touched Eddie’s.
They’d never fall asleep at this rate.
Steve rolled onto his side facing away from Eddie to try and pretend he was alone in bed.
“Steve?”
Apparently they weren’t going to simply pretend to follow asleep.
“Yeah?”
“What are we doing?”
Steve’s body went stiff. He could practically feel Eddie’s eyes drilling into his back.
Dustin thought Steve was brave, but he took the coward’s route. He lied. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
After a long series of seconds, Eddie said, “You’re really going to play that game, huh?”
Steve swallowed hard. He thought about not answering, but there was a difference between cowardly and cruel. “What do you want me to say? All I’ll do is ruin it.”
“Ruin it how?”
The silence stretched between them again as Steve inhaled deeply through his nose. Apparently Eddie did want him to destroy this. He braced himself for everything to shatter.
“This wasn’t supposed to be anything,” Steve said, pretending he was simply speaking to the wall. “I’m sorry. I fucked it up. Apparently my brain couldn’t understand that it wasn’t supposed to be real.”
“So it’s real for you,” Eddie whispered.
Steve rolled over. His hand hit Eddie’s again, but he didn’t let himself pull away. “Yeah, it is.”
They stared at each other in the near darkness. Those dark eyes of Eddie’s seemed endless right now.
“It’s real for me too.”
Steve’s fingers curled, catching the tips of Eddie’s fingers in a loose connection. “Everyone keeps saying how happy they are for us.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, then laughed to himself. “And they wouldn’t shut up about how often they’ve told me to get over my pining and just do something.”
“Wait, I missed that.”
Eddie snorted. “How? LaDonna did it, the guys did it… Hell, if you told me Dustin did, I’d believe you.”
“No, Dustin just said he expected it a long time ago.”
“I guess I was obvious,” Eddie said.
Steve hummed in disagreement. “I guess we both were. Robin said I deserve someone who will love me the way you do.”
That word hung in the air for a moment before Eddie squeezed his hand. “I can’t promise I’ll always be perfect, but I’m sure going to try.”
“Me too.”
For a moment, that tension from before pulled tight between them. Steve didn’t let himself think about it, though. He just let himself act.
Leaning in above their still clasped hands, Steve let his eyes fall shut, though he could feel the way Eddie did the same. As their lips met, everything felt right.
Steve shifted to draw closer, using his free hand to gain a little leverage as he rolled on top of Eddie.
Below him, Eddie let out a whimper.
Legs tangled together. Steve rolled his hips.
Eddie broke the kiss with a punched out gasp, and Steve grinned as he kissed down his boyfriend’s jaw. He hovered over Eddie’s pulse point, but the way Eddie’s hand tightened in his was all the encouragement Steve needed to bite down.
Eddie’s free hand fisted into Steve’s hair, and Steve’s eyes fluttered as he sucked a pretty bruise into Eddie’s skin. Perhaps it was overkill, but Eddie certainly didn’t seem to mind.
He nipped just next to Eddie’s windpipe, relishing in the way it made Eddie squirm beneath his weight.
“How do you want to do this?” Eddie whispered.
Steve pressed another wet kiss against his skin. “You’re the expert here.”
Eddie chuckled weakly. “Don’t call yourself a novice when you’re doing that.” He used the fist in Steve’s hair to pull him back just slightly. “I’m pretty content to do either, but you seemed awfully concerned about it when Dustin asked you. Tell me you haven’t been thinking about it and come up with some preferences?”
“Well, yeah,” Steve admitted, pressing another quick kiss to Eddie’s lips. “I’m not sure I have any preferences either. But, um… Don’t you have to, like, prep and stuff?”
Eddie laughed, clearly delighted. “Stevie, have you been doing research?”
Steve laughed and rolled his hips for revenge against the teasing. “Hard not to when someone leaves his porn rags everywhere.”
“I get distracted.” Eddie rolled his eyes, running his fingers affectionately through Steve’s hair. “But you’re probably right. Let’s save that for when it can be the main focus.”
Steve let go of Eddie’s hand to snake his between them. “We can still have a little fun, though.”
Eddie’s breath hitched. “Oh yes, we can.”
…
Robin slept late the next morning, finally stumbling out when Steve had breakfast mostly made. As she looked around the kitchen, taking in the food and Eddie’s bite-bruised neck from his place curled in against Steve’s side, she let out a heavy sigh. “It’s about damn time. Glad we’re over that pretend shit.”
Steve’s mouth dropped open. Next to him, he heard Eddie squeak. “Pretend?” Steve asked. “How the fuck did you know we were pretending?”
She grinned. “I’ve got my ways. Dustin and the guys might be deceivable, but I’ve been reading the tension between you two for years. It got worse, not better. And now it’s gone.” Robin glided past them to the coffee pot. “You’re welcome, by the way. I figured nudging you into bed together would solve those issues.”
Steve sputtered, but he didn’t protest. At the end of the day, Robin had been right.
She started back toward the kitchen table, then paused. “I did wear headphones to bed last night, but as a heads up, I plan to get a good night’s sleep the rest of the trip without them.”
Eddie and Steve looked at each other. Steve knew his face had gone pink, but he couldn’t fight a smile that matched the grin on Eddie’s face.
“Sorry, Rob. I’m not sure we can make that promise.”