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Tony wondered what Gibbs would do if he found out that Tony was dating both Tobias Fornell from the FBI and Trent Kort from the CIA. He'd probably blow a gasket. Conspiring with the enemy twice as far as Gibbs was concerned. Tony wasn't about to stop, however, even if he did eventually face Gibbs' wrath over it.
Sometimes Tony wondered if the three of them would be able to take over the world if they worked together. Some days, he even considered it. There was so much wrong with the world. Everyone came from broken families. No one loved each other anymore. It was just all wrong. With the power the three of them had they could do something about it. Was it wrong if they didn't?
But then he remembered what love felt like. That the three of them shared something special and he couldn't condemn anyone else for how they chose to live. Their lives weren't simple. Keeping each other a secret from their agencies and anyone else that would fuck with them meant they only got snatches of time together and that they could rarely all three be in the same place at once.
Most people would choose to gather for many days around Christmas, but all three of them had their duties. They would take turns fulfilling each other's fantasies. Whoever's turn it was to pick the fantasy wore the Santa hat on Christmas day.
The hat was intended to remind them that they were the important one that year. They never wore it outside of the house or ever partook of their fantasies at the house. The residence only belonged to one of them and if the others were caught there it would reveal their secret.
Similarly, wearing the Santa hat as they went from the house to the final destination could eventually be traced and reveal their relationship. None of their agencies were stupid and all it would take was a few inconsistencies before they would start putting two and two together and get the three of them. Discovery would make a complete mess of their lives and as such they wished to avoid it at all costs and took great measures to make sure there were never any suspicions about them.
Each year the person with the Santa hat would leave clues. They'd pick a place and what they wanted to have happen. Then they would build a trail to that place that only the other two would be able to follow. The first clue was always identified using the Santa hat in some fashion to make it easier for the other two to find and follow quickly. It was a game they played and at the end someone would have their Christmas wish fulfilled.
It was so much build up, however, that they could never do more than one a year. It was both humbling and a huge honor to be the one chosen. Yet, being the one bringing the other's fantasies to life had its sweet moments too.
Often it was the only day that the three of them were able to spend together. Christmas day, the day the entire US shut down or at least anyone employed by the government itself. A single day is all they ever had and they always made the most of it.
This year it was Tony's turn to wear the Santa hat. It was his turn to pick a safe place for the three of them to spend Christmas day. A place where no one would find them and where they could be themselves. A place where his deepest fantasy could be revealed and enacted.
Last year, he'd worked with Tobias to follow Kort's lead. They'd ended up in an abandoned CIA facility. One that was so off the books that even the CIA didn't acknowledge its existence.
The year before that he'd worked with Trent to follow Fornell's lead. He'd have expected them to end up at Gibbs' cabin, which would have been a shit show of epic proportions. Instead, Tobias had surprised him and they'd ended up at Emily's school play. The one thing Fornell wanted was more time with his daughter. Neither of them had been able to deny him that. They'd joined Tobias in watching her.
Tony didn't know what he wanted, what his deepest desire was. He felt lost as to what he should direct them to. In some ways, he just wanted them. In other ways, he felt insignificant and like he could never be enough for them.
How was he supposed to pick a sexual fantasy when all he wanted was to be reassured that he was enough? How could he pick a place that would be safe for them when he wasn't sure he felt safe anywhere, especially now without the two of them? It had seemed so much easier from the other side. He only had another hour before they would come looking for him and expect the Santa hat to be somewhere related to the first clue.
Thinking about it, what he really wanted was for them to tell him how much they loved him and how important he was to them and that he was enough. He didn't know where or how to convey that. He wasn't sure he could even admit this weakness to them.
He'd already spent hours trying to figure out a safe location. Well he knew of one, but it would require asking his frat brothers to help him out. He wasn't sure they would agree. He wasn't sure he wanted to ask them either.
He was about to give up and just tell the other two that the tradition was off this year and they should each spend the night alone when he remembered one place where he'd always felt safe. He hadn't been there in years, really ever since he lost his mother. It was undoubtedly overgrown given his father had tried to get rid of it and failing that had fired all the staff.
By the time Tony was old enough to have the property legally put into his name and under his full control, it had been without staff for long enough and he'd barely had enough money to make ends meet that he hadn't hired any new staff. Who knew what it looked like now.
He pulled up the address and started figuring out what clues he could provide to lead them that way. He'd worry about clues for what he wanted from the night after he managed to indicate where to go. He could always tell them once they got there, assuming his voice didn't fail him at the very thought. Not to mention he was on a time crunch and needed to finish the clues, now.
Taking the Santa hat off, he set it down in front of a book about old memories. He left a note telling them that he'd once felt safe here along with some verbiage that would lead them to the next clue. Hopefully the book would tell them that they needed to look in his past, but he knew it wouldn't be enough on its own. He wasn't even sure they knew of the existence of the old mansion.
He placed another clue on the map of the United States that they had in the library to help with this game. With the location narrowed down to a specific state it should be easier for them to find the property. He glanced at his watch and realized he only had fifteen minutes left.
Quickly scribbling down some additional clues that would ideally help them derive what he wanted, he placed them around the house and made sure previous clues pointed to the next clue. Then he caught a flight to the correct state and drove the rest of the way to the mansion. Now, he just had to wait.
He wasn't feeling very sexy, so in a surprising move to some he didn't choose to wait in bed wearing absolutely nothing. Instead, he cleaned the inside of the mansion from top to bottom or as much as he could with the pittance of old supplies left behind when the staff was originally fired. Eventually, there wasn't anything else he could do to clean and he went to take a shower. Afterwards, he threw on a robe and moved to sit in the garden. It was beyond overgrown and nothing like the place he remembered.
Somehow the surroundings seemed fitting to his current life. The vines wrapped around the house and sucked the life out of it much like he felt the life was being sucked out of him. Gibbs may kill him for his relationship with the two men, but they were the only ones who had ever made him feel wanted in recent years. At one point, Gibbs had done so as well, but the last time he'd felt that way around Gibbs was at least five years ago.
He hated waiting. It felt like it had been forever. He couldn't remember how long it had taken him when he'd been on the other side. Maybe they weren't coming. Maybe the distance was too far and they couldn't provide what he needed because they didn't feel that way about him?
He tried to keep his mind off the negative possibilities, but the memories that filled this place only made it harder. She'd loved him, but his father never had. To be here alone, only reminded him that no one loved him. Telling himself it was a great distance away didn't help.
The more time passed, the harder it became to stay here. He wondered if the other two had felt this anxious or if they'd been excited. He wanted to be happy, but he'd let himself be vulnerable and he couldn't imagine that it would work out well for him. It never had in the past. He desperately wanted it to be different this time, but he really couldn't believe it would be, especially the later it got with no sign of them.
He felt the tears starting to prick at his eyelids and he wiped them away. Eventually it was too much and he fell asleep. He fully expected to wake up and find himself still alone come morning.
Instead, he woke up to gentle touches and kisses with whispered words of praise. At first, he kept his eyes closed afraid that if he opened them, he'd find out that it was just a dream. Eventually, though, he had to open them. He had to know if his partners were really there. Did they really want him?
As he opened his eyes, he found the other two looking at him with sorrowful expressions. He tried to smile. "Fancy seeing you two here."'
"How long have you been feeling this way?" Tobias asked.
"Does that matter?" Tony looked away, not wanting to admit how long he'd felt this way. Most of the time he was able to tell himself that it was just his insecurities and that they loved him, but sometimes like now they got the better of him and nothing he told himself made any difference.
"You should have told us sooner. We could have dealt with this long ago."
"What do you mean?"
"He means that we both value you very much and you are definitely enough for us," Tobias explained.
Tony opened his mouth to say he didn't know what and quickly closed it at a loss for words.
"We will happily spend all of tonight proving to you that you are where you belong and that you are both wanted and needed here. We never want to see you go."
Tony nodded, too stunned to say anything. The other two men returned to their ministrations, but unlike what normally happened when the three of them were together they didn't try to initiate sex. Instead, they talked to him. They both told him everything they liked about him. It was, quite frankly, overwhelming and he soon found himself crying for an entirely different reason.
They shushed him and wiped away his tears. They continued to tell him what they liked about him, but they didn't stop with just praising his body. They talked about his personality and his intelligence and they backed it up with facts that he couldn't deny.
He'd never imagined this is what it would feel like. As the night grew longer, it became harder and harder to believe that he wasn't enough. His fears began to seem silly and insignificant. It was exactly what he needed this Christmas with everything that had been going on around him. By the time morning came and they had to go their separate ways, Tony knew it would be a very long time before he'd ever doubt that he was wanted or enough again even if they spent the rest of the year apart.