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Katsuki watches Hitoshi with an intensity he’s been told is creepy. He knows it is but he can’t help himself.
He watches Hitoshi weaving through the people, stopping to talk to his friends, throwing his head back to laugh and it burns.
Hitoshi is so beautiful.
“Dude,” Kirishima says from Katsuki’s side and Katsuki tries to bury his face in the cup he’s holding. It’s clearly not enough to deter Kirishima because he bumps their shoulders together and repeats “Dude!”
“Don’t,” Katsuki shortly snaps out but of course Kirishima has never been intimidated by his bluntness or his rage.
Usually Katsuki is thankful for it, but not today. Not right now.
“Him?” Kirishima asks, and Katsuki catches him watching Hitoshi as well.
“Fuck off,” he grumbles, turning around because he hopes if he stops looking maybe Kirishima will forget all about it and never bring it up again.
“No, Bakubro, come on, this is juicy! You’re into him?”
Katsuki closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to remember all his calming techniques at once but it’s useless when Kirishima insistently pokes him into the side.
“Shinsou? Resident brainwasher and badass? Really, that’s what you’re into?”
“Would you shut up,” Katsuki hisses out and whirls around to Kirishima. “And don’t call him brainwasher, you know he hates that.”
“Right, right,” Kirishima backs down immediately, seemingly genuinely apologetic but he is still looking at Hitoshi. “Still a badass though,” he then tacks on and Katsuki snorts out a laugh.
Doesn’t he know it.
“That’s hard to miss,” Katsuki says while rolling his eyes and now Kirishima sucks in a surprised breath.
“Right, I remember now! You live together don’t you? Bakubro, are you already an established item and you simply haven’t told me? I’m hurt!” Kirishima acts like it, too, dramatically throwing himself over Katsuki’s shoulders, who only pushes him off without a second thought.
“How can you forget something like that?” Katsuki asks because it’s easier than to talk about Hitoshi and what kind of feelings he has for him.
“You never invite us over to your place and you barely even mention him when you’re with us. It just slipped my mind, sorry.” Kirishima frowns. “You are still living with him, right?”
“Yes, I fucking am, not that it’s any of your goddamn business,” Katsuki sighs out. “We’re—flatmates, if you wanna be generous.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I’m a fucking spotlight hero and he’s underground. Our work schedules hardly align and with his frequent undercover missions I sometimes don’t see him for fucking weeks.”
“Aw, that must suck, I’m sorry,” Kirishima says and he means it, too, Katsuki knows it.
“Let’s just drop it,” Katsuki grumbles out and he can’t help how his eyes are drawn towards Hitoshi again.
He’s talking to Denki now, a big smile on his face and Katsuki doesn’t care at all how Denki is standing close to Hitoshi or how Hitoshi slightly leans in, to give Denki his entire attention. He’s not fucking jealous, thank you very much, and he really doesn’t appreciate the look Kirishima is giving him.
“You’re not a thing, are you?” Kirishima asks and he sounds sad about it, which Katsuki really can’t stand.
“Course we aren’t,” he shortly says and then moves away, into a different room, one from where he can’t see Hitoshi anymore.
Kirishima doesn’t take the hint, though, and follows Katsuki hot on his heels.
“Have you told him?”
“Fuck off, Kirishima,” Katsuki snaps because he doesn’t want to talk about this but Kirishima is worse than a dog with a bone.
“Dude, how can you stand to live with him and not tell him?”
“Like I said, we barely see each other,” Katsuki reminds him and tries hard not to think about the times they make space for each other in the mornings when Katsuki has just gotten up and Hitoshi just came in or the evenings where Hitoshi just got up when Katsuki is coming home.
It doesn’t matter that they try to share at least one meal with each other. It doesn’t matter that the weeks Hitoshi spends undercover leave Katsuki unmoored and more snappy than normally. It doesn’t matter that Hitoshi only ever relaxes when Katsuki joins him on the couch or at the kitchen table.
None of that matters because—
“Katsuki, do we need to have an intervention again?” Kirishima asks, his hand tight on Katsuki’s wrist to stop him from walking away again and Katsuki clenches his jaw.
“Will you fucking drop it, you bull-headed idiot?”
“No. Is this about—”
“It doesn’t matter what this is about because I’m not telling him. Now let fucking go of me,” Katsuki snaps out and wrenches his arm out of Kirishima’s grasp.
He’s not going to talk to Kirishima about this, especially not here, and he’s not going to tell Hitoshi. That is just not happening.
“Kats, come on, you know you’re not unlovable, right?” Kirishima still asks because he never knows when to fuck off and Katsuki can feel the sweat accumulate in his palms.
He needs to get out of here, right now.
Katsuki shoulders past people, uncaring if he bumps into them rather rudely and he only slows down when he’s outside, away from the people and the noise.
Not away from Kirishima, though, because the idiot followed him again.
“Just drop it,” Katsuki says, suddenly tired beyond belief. “Just stop.”
“But it’s not true! Just because it happened once, doesn’t mean it’s a pattern.”
Katsuki’s mouth twists bitterly, because it hasn’t been just once. Katsuki only told him about one incident but it wasn’t the only one. Katsuki is twenty-five and even though he was obsessed with becoming a hero as a teenager, there was still the peer-pressure of going on dates and shit.
And it never mattered who Katsuki asked out, if he really wanted it or not, because they all turned him down. Some gently, some more cruelly than he probably deserved even as a hot-headed teenager but it all ended the same way: before it could even begin.
Sure, Dynamight has his fans, and people who claim they go crazy over him but Katsuki? Yeah, that’s pretty much unheard of. Katsuki is hard to like, which he made his peace with, but he’s even harder to love and he’s under no illusions that he’ll get lucky on that front eventually.
Especially not with Hitoshi.
“Will you let him know I went home early?” Katsuki asks, not even looking at Kirishima because he can only imagine the look on his face.
“Sure thing, dude,” Kirishima says after a long pause. “I’ll—”
“Hey, losers,” Hitoshi’s voice suddenly rings out. “Why are you hiding out here?”
Katsuki can’t help himself, he has to turn around, has to look and he spots the moment Hitoshi realises that something is wrong because the smile slides off his face and he narrows his eyes at Kirishima.
“Everything okay?” he wants to know, and Katsuki hates himself for reading something protective into his voice because it’s not there, but then Hitoshi is at his side, slightly between Katsuki and Kirishima and okay.
Katsuki did not read that wrong, but it’s just a friendship thing. It’s always just a friendship thing.
“Yeah. I’m ditching your lousy ass, though,” Katsuki says, because for all that Kirishima started it, it’s hardly his fault and Hitoshi can be kind of scary if he thinks someone hurt his friends, even if it’s Kirishima.
Hitoshi sucks in a breath, clutching his hands to his chest.
“Wow, rude. I’m hurt. Now you gotta carry me home,” he then decides and drapes himself over Katsuki’s back without any regard for his personal space.
“Get off, you idiot,” Katsuki grumbles out but when he tries to push Hitoshi off with a hand to his face it’s half-hearted at best and when Hitoshi does slide off he stumbles in surprise.
“What was that about?” Hitoshi asks then, suddenly all serious and when Katsuki looks around he sees that Kirishima must have slipped back inside.
He’ll have to apologize to him tomorrow or something, he thinks and then shrugs, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
“Nothing.”
“It didn’t look like nothing. You okay?”
“You don’t have to worry about me, I can handle myself,” Katsuki sighs out but Hitoshi doesn’t back down.
“Yeah, I know. I’m not asking if you had it under control, I’m asking if you’re okay.”
“I’m good,” Katsuki sighs out and ignores the ache in his chest.
He’s gotten pretty good at that, lately.
“Can we go? Or were you joking about wanting to leave?”
“Nah, we can go,” Hitoshi says with a shrug and doesn’t even go back inside to say goodbye to everyone, so either he already did that and he’s telling the truth or he decided accompanying Katsuki is more important.
They don’t share any more words for a few minutes, simply walking next to each other until Hitoshi hums under his breath.
“What?” Katsuki asks, already annoyed, because he’s lived with Hitoshi for long enough to know that he’s not going to like whatever is going to come out of his mouth next.
“You on a time-line here?” he asks and Katsuki snorts.
“Yeah, time-line straight to bed,” he gives back because Hitoshi knows his schedule and he knows that Katsuki hates staying up this late.
“You got time for a detour?”
“Depends,” Katsuki muses and eyes Hitoshi from the corner of his eyes. “Are you going to pay if it costs any money?”
Hitoshi groans and makes a big show out of patting himself down, clearly looking for his money before he winks at Katsuki.
“Definitely,” he then says and shoves Katsuki down an alleyway. “Shortcut!” he calls out before Katsuki can protest and Katsuki is helpless against him, so the only thing he really can do is follow him.
And remind himself that this is not a date.
~*~*~
Katsuki is supposed to leave for an oversea mission in two days. It’s an opportunity he couldn’t say no to, even though he greatly dislikes traveling and being away from home and upending his schedule, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
It’s also the perfect time to finally do something about this stupid ache in his chest.
Ever since that night at the party Hitoshi has been—hovering, for the lack of a better word, as if he fears that whatever Katsuki and Kirishima talked about isn’t done and Katsuki still needs protecting from it.
And it’s doing something with Katsuki.
It’s making it so, so hard to hold all these feelings inside because Hitoshi is always there; he’s still his usual snarky self, with a tendency to assholery, but he’s attentive and supportive and there and Katsuki would hate it if he didn’t love it so much.
But this has to stop because he can’t take this anymore. And this mission is his perfect out.
He’ll tell Hitoshi about his feelings, Hitoshi will reject him because who would ever love pedantic, angry, loud Katsuki and then Katsuki can flee to another country and they can both get over this thing.
And in case Hitoshi can’t, well, he’ll have enough time to move out before Katsuki comes back.
It’s a win-win situation all around, really.
Except for how Katsuki’s heart is hammering away in his chest and how his hands keep sweating.
“You’re weird,” Hitoshi says, propped up on the kitchen counter. “Weirder than you normally are. What’s going on?” he asks and of course he is perceptive enough to realise that something is going on with Katsuki.
“Nothing is going on, fuck off,” Katsuki gives back but even he can tell that it’s half-hearted and it does nothing to deter Hitoshi.
“No, something is definitely going on. Tell me.”
It’s not even a question; it’s a demand, stated so casually that Katsuki asks himself what he even sees in this rude-ass idiot but when Hitoshi continues to pry, Katsuki knows that it’s this.
Hitoshi might try to act as if he couldn’t give less of a shit about anything but not so deep down he cares so damn much.
Katsuki loves him for it. And it’s time he finally tells him.
He turns around, clearly to Hitoshi’s surprise and leans against the counter.
“I leave on that oversea mission in two days,” he says because it’s important to remind Hitoshi of that, so he won’t explode into his face.
“Yeah, I remember,” Hitoshi says, his eyes narrowed. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’ll be away for at least three weeks. That should be enough time for you to find another apartment if you want to.”
“Another apartment? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m in love with you,” Katsuki says and it’s like ripping off a band-aid.
It’s out there now. No turning back.
“Like I said, I’ll be gone in two days and you can decide what you want to do. I understand if you want to move out but I can also promise you that I’m not going to do anything should you decide to stay. It won’t change anything. But it’s your decision, of course.”
Katsuki doesn’t dare to look at Hitoshi, because he’s seen too many faces filled with vague disgust in his life and he just knows he couldn’t stand it from Hitoshi, so he shoulders past him without another word.
“That’s nice and all, but do I get to say something to this as well?” Hitoshi calls after him and Katsuki closes his eyes.
“I would really prefer it if you didn’t,” he gets out. “I know what your answer is going to be so let’s just not.”
“You know jack-shit!” Hitoshi almost yells at him and suddenly he’s right there, right in Katsuki’s space. “You don’t know anything at all,” he says, much quieter this time and then there are lips on Katsuki’s.
It’s brief, over before Katsuki could really process it, but Hitoshi doesn’t move far away and so when Katsuki finds it in himself to move again one hand tangles in Hitoshi’s shirt.
“You—kissed me.”
“Because I’m in love with you, too, you fucking moron,” Hitoshi snaps out and then sighs. “Fuck, why would you even assume I’m not?”
“No one is,” Katsuki says, almost dazed. “Too rough, too angry, too loud and never enough of anything else.”
“Fucking bullshit,” Hitoshi snaps out and cups Katsuki’s cheek in his hand. “You’re perfect.”
“Just yesterday you yelled at me because I left my weights all around the apartment.”
“Like I said, fucking perfect,” Hitoshi says again before he softens. “Katsuki, you’re not any of what you just said but—I get it,” Hitoshi tells him with a shrug. “I’m an asshole. I’m snappish and sarcastic and a fucking downer. Nothing much there to love either.”
Katsuki wants to protest, because there is, there is so much to love but Hitoshi silences him with a finger.
“Yeah, whatever you wanna say right now? Say that to yourself so I don’t have to.”
“It’s—”
“Not the same, yeah, yeah, I know,” Hitosi sighs out and leans in to press his lips against Katsuki’s brow. “It kinda is though, and I love you. Let’s just take this as the baseline now and not worry about anything else. Let’s rather worry about how you thought this was an appropriate time to tell me and I’ll have to spend three weeks or more without you here now.”
“I—”
Okay, in hindsight Katsuki might not have thought this through because that sounds like the worst thing ever, but how was he supposed to know!
“I fucked up,” he whispers and Hitoshi kisses him again.
“Mh, means you need to make up for it in these two days and then for a while after,” he says with a wink and tangles their fingers together before he drags Katsuki off to the couch.
Katsuki follows him easily, still a bit confused and happier than he could ever imagine and he knows they will have to talk about this again, about what Katsuki revealed about himself, and he’s going to hate every second of it, but if Hitoshi kisses him between words it might not even be so bad.
As long as they survive the next however many weeks apart.
But at least now Katsuki has something to look forward to.