Archive of Our Own ^beta

BEFORE

Jeongguk has only had a bottle of soju to drink, but he can feel the buzz of alcohol under his skin. It must be because of all the adrenaline running through his body after the concert. That, mixed up with the alcohol is probably the reason he feels so giddy.

That and also Jimin’s hand in his.

They’re sharing a hotel room tonight and they were the last ones to leave the concert venue, so it’s no surprise that the hotel corridor is entirely empty, save for the bodyguard escorting them to their shared room. They all had soju after the concert, a way of celebrating the beautiful and perfect night that they had. But after everybody changed and got ready to leave, Jimin and Jeongguk lost track of time talking and giggling with each other. Hence why they were the last ones to leave tonight.

“Thank you, hyung,” Jimin tells Seongho, the bodyguard accompanying them. “Have a good night.”

“Make sure to rest early,” the other one replies, giving them both a smile. “Good night.”

He’s off to his post as Jimin releases Jeongguk’s hand in favor of opening the hotel room’s door. Jeongguk pouts as he looks down at his hand, now empty and missing Jimin’s warm palm. It’s only a brief second, though. As soon as the door is open, Jimin’s hand is holding his again and tugging him into the room. The door closes and Jimin once more releases Jeongguk’s hand in favor of locking it.

This time, he doesn’t reach for Jeongguk’s hand again and Jeongguk pouts again. Jimin turns to look at him when he notices that Jeongguk has remained by the door, not moving further into the room.

“Hm?” He starts. “What is it? What―” he stops, his lips tugging up into a smile. “Why are you pouting?”

It’s only then that Jeongguk becomes aware of it, of his pouting, of his pouting because Jimin is no longer holding his hand. Somewhere deep in his alcohol buzzed thoughts, he’s aware that he’s acting a little less reserved than he usually does. But he can’t find it within himself to care. He enjoys Jimin’s closeness and tonight he doesn’t want to keep this information to himself.

Spending his time with Jimin is always his favorite thing and he wants to enjoy it tonight.

“You let go of me,” Jeongguk mumbles, scrunching his nose.

Jimin giggles, shaking his head and quickly approaching him. He reaches for his hand again and holds it, this time his fingers intertwining with Jeongguk’s.

“There. Happy?” He asks, brushing his thumb back and forth against the back of Jeongguk’s hand. His touch elicits a warm wave that expands all over Jeongguk’s body and for a split second, he wishes Jimin were closer, close enough that Jeongguk could place his chin on his shoulder, close his eyes and hold onto him without caring about anything else in the world.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, feeling too strangely lost in thought to formulate a proper answer. “Thank you, hyung.”

Jimin grows serious, no longer smiling in that teasing way he was before. He tugs Jeongguk closer and wraps his arm around him. They’re still holding hands, but Jeongguk uses his free arm to wrap it around Jimin’s waist. He closes his eyes and does just what he was thinking of before. He places his chin on Jimin’s shoulder and presses closer, holding onto him as tightly as he wants. Jimin doesn’t protest. His head leans against Jeongguk’s and they stay like that for a long moment. It’s pleasant. It’s good. Jeongguk doesn’t want to move any time soon.

There’s a balance he’s found with Jimin in the past years. He’s known Jimin since he was fifteen, after all. Out of all the members, Jimin is the one he connected with the most. He’s also the one that makes him the most nervous. Jimin is very straightforward and shameless. Jeongguk is more on the shy side and Jimin’s attention makes his skin warm in a way that makes him far too nervous. Despite that, now that Jeongguk is eighteen, he’s learned that Jimin will forever be like that. Though he’s also a very gentle soul, always worrying about Jeongguk’s well being and happiness, he never fails to tease Jeongguk in a way that has his cheeks heating.

“Lets shower and go to bed, hm?” Jimin asks, the moment breaking as he steps back and gently releases Jeongguk’s hand.

Jeongguk wants to say no and ask Jimin to hold him for a little bit longer, but Jimin is already moving around the room and opening his suitcase, so Jeongguk loses his chance to protest and ask for more of his warmth. Instead, he clears his throat and agrees, heading to the other side of the hotel room and opening his own suitcase.

The room has two large beds, a big TV that they most probably won’t be turning on at any point during their stay here, two nightstands and the shared bathroom. It’s a pretty simple hotel room. They can order food whenever they want, though they probably won’t be using that service either until tomorrow. Right now they’re both pretty exhausted and tomorrow they have a busy schedule too.

“Do you want to shower first?” Jimin asks, dropping down on the bed that will be his for the night.

He’s dressed in blue jeans and a white t-shirt from the concert. It’s his encore outfit. Jeongguk is dressed the same, only he hasn’t discarded his black jacket just yet. Jeongguk has always thought that Jimin is absolutely beautiful. It’s part of why Jimin makes him so nervous all the time. Having such a pretty being paying attention to him so often makes it hard to breathe most of the time. Still, tonight, Jimin looks even more attractive.

It might be the alcohol buzzing under his skin or the high of their successful concert, the best one they’ve had just yet. Either way, something prompts Jeongguk to move, to seek out Jimin’s closeness. He stands and moves away from his suitcase, heading to where Jimin is sitting by the end of his bed. Jimin looks up, an easy smile on his lips, leaning back on his hands.

“You’re going first?” He asks. “I’ll check twitter in the meantime, I’m sure ARMYs are―” he stops talking as Jeongguk reaches up to press his fingertips to his cheekbone.

Touching Jimin is nothing new. Jimin has always been a touchy person, though lately he hasn’t been touching Jeongguk as much as he used to. Despite his nervousness, Jeongguk grew used to having Jimin’s hands somewhere on his body at almost all times; on his thigh, on the low of his back, on his chest, on his hand, in his hair, on his nape. Jimin was never hesitant to touch him. He likes skinship. And yet, now that Jeongguk thinks about it, this week he’s been touching Jeongguk less.

As a matter of fact, tonight is the first time Jimin has held his hand in a full week. His eyebrows furrow. He hadn’t even realized just how much he liked Jimin’s touch until now that he doesn’t have it the way he used to.

“What’s going on, Jeongguk-ah?” Jimin asks, reaching up and wrapping his fingers around Jeongguk’s wrist. He squeezes gently, comforting.

Perhaps it’s true that one doesn’t know what they have until they lose it. He didn’t know that he looked forward to Jimin’s touch so much until now that he doesn’t have it. It’s been a feeling settled deep under his skin, one that he was barely aware of. But it’s there now, this flutter in his chest, this urge to have Jimin’s hands on him in some way.

“You’ve been distant this week,” he confesses, lowering his gaze, avoiding Jimin’s attentive eyes. He clears his throat. “I don’t know, different.”

Jimin is silent for a long moment and his silence makes Jeongguk’s worry grow. He peeks up through his eyelashes and finds Jimin still looking up at him, his expression indescribable. He looks away when Jeongguk looks up fully.

“Of course not, Jeongguk-ah,” he replies. “I’m not―”

“But you have been,” Jeongguk insists, pulling his hand away from Jimin’s. “You haven’t been touching me,” he blurts out and as soon as he says the words, it makes his cheeks heat. He didn’t know he depended on Jimin’s touch so much, but now that he hasn’t had it, he can’t stop wishing for it. He was so foolish for taking it for granted. “You normally touch me more, but you feel distant now.”

Jimin looks back at him again, his gaze softening. He reaches out for Jeongguk’s hand and squeezes it softly.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I was distancing myself a little,” he confesses. “But only because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I thought maybe I was going a bit overboard and―”

“You’re not,” Jeongguk interrupts. “You don’t make me uncomfortable, hyung.”

Jimin stares at him for a long moment, as if processing the words. But then he smiles warmly―a smile that doesn’t really reach his eyes and Jeongguk notices it.

“Okay,” he says softly. “I won’t hold back then,” he adds in a teasing tone.

Something shifts in Jeongguk’s chest. It’s as if a switch has been turned on. Jimin’s smile not reaching his eyes feels like he’s only saying yes to please him right now. And it hurts . Jeongguk moves almost on instinct, not really thinking, just wanting . He climbs onto Jimin’s lap, arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders and burrowing his face into his neck. He hugs Jimin tightly, this fear suddenly taking over his heart. Why would Jimin pull away from him? They’ve always been so close, they’re best friends. It’s scary, the idea of losing the one person that understands him the most.

“Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin exhales, surprise evident in his voice. His breath brushes the skin under Jeongguk’s earlobe, making goosebumps break on his skin. He holds on tighter, fisting the back of Jimin’s shirt. “Hey,” Jimin calls out, leaning forward now, sliding back on the edge of the bed so he’s better seated. His hands fall to Jeongguk’s back, the initial shock of having Jeongguk on his lap seeming to be quickly replaced by concern. “I’m really sorry,” he murmurs. “I didn’t mean to make you feel this way. I just thought I might be making you uncomfortable. I’m sorry, yeah?”

Jeongguk releases a shaky breath. He presses his forehead to Jimin’s shoulder and tries to relax. He’s never been one to act this way. Normally, he keeps his feelings to himself until he can’t anymore and they explode around him. So then, maybe this is the explosion. Or maybe it’s just because he has alcohol in his body, though the buzz is already fading away.

He leans his cheek against Jimin’s and takes a slow breath. There’s a different feeling there too, a tug in his heart, in the low of his belly. Normally, Jimin is the one touching him, placing his hands on Jeongguk’s body, offering comfort. Jeongguk is more reserved. He reaches out some times, but when he does, he does it very briefly. He tugs at Jimin’s sleeve, or settles very close behind him, he lets his fingers brush against his.

But tonight, there’s something more he wants. He wants to touch freely, without holding back.

“Okay,” he exhales. “I like you touching me, hyung,” he confesses. “You don’t make me uncomfortable.”

Jimin’s body moves almost instantly. His arms wrap around Jeongguk tightly, his face pressing to his neck. It’s as if he’s really been holding himself back and now that Jeongguk has said the words, he doesn’t feel like doing it any longer.

“I’m glad,” Jimin murmurs, sounding relieved.

Jeongguk wants to show him that he likes it, that he’s not bothered at all by Jimin’s touch. He releases his tight hold on Jimin’s shirt and splays out his hands, rubbing them softly over Jimin’s shirt, across his shoulder blades. One of them stays there and the other one moves up to his nape. Jimin’s skin is warm as he squeezes softly and Jimin’s chin falls to his shoulder, a shudder traveling down his body. Jeongguk only stays there for a small moment. He moves his fingers upwards, slipping them into Jimin’s hair and letting the strands slide in between his fingers. He fists it and marvels in the way Jimin releases a soft sound.

He likes it, he wants to hear more.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk exhales, a sudden thought crossing his mind. If he leans back a little, lets his cheek slide against Jimin’s and tilts his head just the right way, his lips would press to Jimin’s. The thought has occurred to him before, very briefly, too briefly to be worried about it. But this time, once the thought appears, it settles in his head and it doesn’t disappear. It invades Jeongguk’s head, it makes him crave. He leans back, his hand still in Jimin’s hair and searches for Jimin’s eyes. He’s met with a hazy gaze, Jimin’s lips parted.

Jeongguk sighs and leans forward slowly. He gives Jimin time to lean away, to stop him in some way. But Jimin doesn’t. His eyes widen the slightest bit, but his gaze just moves down to Jeongguk’s lips and lets him know that his thoughts are the same as Jeongguk’s. He gently coaxes Jimin forward with his hand in his hair and continues moving, until his nose brushes against Jimin’s. He looks into Jimin’s eyes once more, hesitant. But Jimin tilts his head back the slightest bit and their lips finally brush against each other.

It’s a barely-there touch, both of them sharing a shaky breath. They’re closer than they’ve ever been, their lips are touching. Jeongguk has never kissed anyone before. The idol life means his focus has always been entirely on working towards their goal as a band and privacy is not something he can afford. He knows it’s the same for Jimin. They’ve only just started to blow up, to become the group they wanted to be.

Despite that, it’s like their bodies know what to do. It’s as if they’ve been waiting for this moment, for this chance and once it’s presented to them, they dive right in. Jeongguk presses closer, lips connecting fully with Jimin’s. Jimin gasps, surprised by Jeongguk’s sudden movement. As his lips part, Jeongguk slots his in between, deepening the kiss, craving more. It feels good. It feels better than anything ever has.

It’s addicting in a way. Jeongguk tilts his head to the side and parts Jimin’s lips and Jimin pauses, leaning back a little bit. Jeongguk opens his eyes, quickly searching for him, quickly missing him.

“Jeongguk-ah, wait,” Jimin murmurs. “Are you sure you―”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk interrupts, tugging at his hair gently, trying to pull him closer. “ Please .”

There is no universe in which Jeongguk would ever want to stop. Jimin’s hands suddenly grip Jeongguk’s hips and he leans forward, crashing his lips against Jeongguk’s. It takes his breath away. It’s different from the first one, it’s more urgent, it’s desperate. Jimin’s hands are gripping his hips and their bodies are pressing together as if both of them are scared of the other disappearing.

Jeongguk’s hands are now both in Jimin’s hair and it’s so good, the way their lips move against each other, quickly catching up, quickly figuring out what to do. The rest of the world fades away as Jimin kisses him back with an intensity Jeongguk never expected. Up until tonight, he never really thought twice about his relationship with Jimin. They were close, they spent countless nights talking and sharing their feelings related to missing home and to their fears of the idol life. But now that they’re here and he’s learning this new side of things, he realizes that all this time, his feelings for Jimin have been anything but innocent. There’s always been this attraction, this pull and he wants to explore it as much as Jimin is willing to.

“ Hyung ,” he sighs against Jimin’s mouth.

Jimin’s hand is now in his hair, playing with the strands.

“Hmm,” he hums, never really stopping his kisses.

Jeongguk isn’t sure he has anything to say, anyway. He kisses Jimin a bit harder, his teeth catching on Jimin’s lower lip and tugging, earning himself a very low moan. Jeongguk groans, repeating the motion. This time, Jimin doesn’t make a sound. It’s frustrating in a way. Jeongguk slides closer in Jimin’s lap, wrapping his arm tightly around his shoulders, bringing his hand to Jimin’s cheek. He slows down the kiss, wants to take his time for a moment and enjoy this without feeling like he’s rushing.

The rest of the world has faded away and there’s just Jimin right now. Jimin’s hands are trailing up Jeongguk’s front, over his shirt. Jeongguk is so glad he unzipped his jacket earlier because that means he has Jimin’s hands closer to his skin. It’s not enough, though. He wants more. He wants Jimin’s hands on his skin.

He reaches in between them, placing his hand on top of Jimin’s. He slides it down and down, smiling faintly against Jimin’s mouth when Jimin doesn’t protest and lets his hand be moved. Jeongguk reaches down with his other hand, lifting his shirt slightly and slipping Jimin’s hand underneath.

“Touch me?” He asks softly, even though Jimin’s hand is already on his skin.

Jimin leans back a little bit and Jeongguk’s heart jumps. He looks into Jimin’s eyes, wondering if he’s going to stop now that the moment has been momentarily paused. But Jimin’s hand splays out over his abdomen, making his muscles clench. He touches Jeongguk softly, almost exploring. With all the touching Jimin has always done, one would think this would be similar. But it’s not. The context is different, the moment is another and they’re both panting, a bit overwhelmed with all the kissing.

“Yeah?” Jimin asks, lifting his head, his nose bumping gently into Jeongguk’s. “Like this?”

He asks as he bends his fingers and trails his nails down Jeongguk’s abs, all the way to the waistband of his black jeans. He pauses there before moving back up, his hand splayed out entirely again. His hand is warm and familiar and Jeongguk sighs, dropping his forehead against Jimin’s.

“Hyung, I want to kiss you again,” he confesses.

He tilts his head back a bit, his lips pressing to the corner of Jimin’s mouth. Jimin’s eyes flutter shut and his other hand falls to Jeongguk’s thigh, squeezing, as if trying to ground himself.

Because Jimin’s response isn’t immediate, Jeongguk continues with his gentle attack of kisses. He kisses the corner of Jimin’s mouth again, then presses kisses towards his jaw, up and up, until he’s under his earlobe. Jimin shudders, his hand sliding from Jeongguk’s front to his back. It settles on the low of his spine, a firm weight that brings him closer somehow. Jeongguk moves his lips forward again, towards Jimin’s lips, until he’s kissing the corner of them again.

Jimin starts to lean in when Jeongguk aims for his mouth, but he pauses, smiling a little when Jimin opens his eyes, looking confused. When he sees Jeongguk smiling, he groans and he presses down against his back.

“Kiss me,” he murmurs, low and soft and desperate.

Jeongguk caves. He presses his lips to Jimin’s again and for a split second, it’s very chaste, very soft and very sweet. There’s just their lips slotted together, unmoving. But then it turns desperate again, urgent and intense and uncoordinated. Jimin’s lips move quickly against his, as if eager to take. And Jeongguk tries to keep up, but he’s too distracted by Jimin’s hand inching lower, sliding across the waistband of his black jeans. Fingers graze further down, almost on his ass and Jeongguk groans, wanting more.

There’s warmth in the low of his belly, one that’s been growing steadily ever since Jimin’s hands started to move against his body. The more they kiss, the more it becomes difficult to ignore. And it hits him then that he might not need to ignore it. He shifts in Jimin’s lap, an attempt at feeling closer, of having their bodies touching in a way that feels even better. It doesn’t particularly work. They’re as close as they can get.

He grumbles in frustration, slipping his hands into Jimin’s hair again.

“I want to be closer,” he pleads, nibbling on Jimin’s lower lip, mindful of not biting down too hard he might leave behind a mark. Even in this clouded state, he knows better than to do something that might be difficult to hide come tomorrow morning.

Jimin nods, his only response. He leans back and Jeongguk protests instantly, pulling at his hair, trying to bring him closer again. But Jimin speaks and eases his worries, “let’s lay down.”

Jeongguk goes. They somehow manage to move fully onto the bed without having to let go of each other entirely. Jimin lays down with his head on the pillow and Jeongguk instantly drops down on top of him. They’ve never settled like this. Jimin’s body is warm and perfect under his. Small hands are on his hips, sliding up his sides, under the jacket, under his shirt. Fingertips carefully trail up his spine, so gently it feels like it’s not enough. He whimpers. Jimin shudders under him.

Their legs tangle together, they roll onto their sides and Jeongguk hooks his leg over Jimin’s hip, wrapping it around his leg and locking them together. He sighs in relief. This is what he wants—to be so close to Jimin it’s impossible to know where one of them starts and where the other ends. He slips his hand into Jimin’s hair and keeps him in place as he kisses him, moving his lips slow but steady.

Jimin’s tongue slips into his mouth and even though it shocks him momentarily, he’s quick to do the same, letting his tongue swirl around Jimin’s. They both moan lightly and Jeongguk’s hips move on their own. Call it instinct or just a physical reaction of his body wanting more. Either way, he drags his hips against Jimin’s, slow and tentative.

The friction of their hips elicits a loud moan from Jeongguk’s lips, his thighs trembling at the feeling of pleasure that quickly shoots up his spine. It’s like electricity reaching every nerve-ending of his body. Jimin freezes as soon as Jeongguk moans and it snaps Jeongguk out of his stupor, his chest heaving as he struggles to catch his breath.

They look at each other, tangled up together on the bed, hands all over each other still. They’re panting, trying to breathe properly, neither of them moving anymore. But their noses are brushing and Jimin only has to tilt his head forward to press his forehead to Jeongguk’s. There’s a silent exchange in the way they look at each other. And then Jimin tilts his head back, shaky lips pressing to Jeongguk’s just as he moves his hips tentatively.

Pleasure makes Jeongguk whine. They’re both half-hard in their pants and the jeans feel tight against him, but they provide a friction that feels so good he can’t even explain the feeling. The next time Jimin moves his hips, Jeongguk does it too.

“Fuck, Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin exhales. “That feels so good.”

“More, hyung,” Jeongguk mumbles against his mouth, tightening his leg around Jimin’s hip. He drags his hips forward a bit harder, a bit rougher. It feels so good he shudders, goosebumps quickly covering his skin. “Please, it’s―”

“I know,” Jimin whispers, when Jeongguk fails to continue.

It’s as if they’re so in tune with each other. They always have been, but right now, it feels like they’re connected in a way. Jimin’s hand twitches, settling on his hip. He tentatively slides it to the side, covering Jeongguk’s ass cheek. Jeongguk’s hips stutter and Jimin’s hand guides his following movement, the slow drag of their hips together an intoxicating thing. Jeongguk’s head is spinning, he can’t breathe, all he can do is feel and shake in Jimin’s arms.

“Is this okay?” Jimin asks, breathless. He pecks Jeongguk’s lips once, twice, a third time. He helps Jeongguk’s hips move a second time, squeezing around his ass cheek.

Jeongguk whimpers. “Yeah,” he exhales. “Don’t stop.”

Jimin shakes his head and goes back to kissing Jeongguk, long and lewd and slow. “Wasn’t planning to.”

For a while, it’s as if Jeongguk is floating in some other universe. The rest of the world has faded away, their careers have become something he can’t even remember. He’s just Jeon Jeongguk, an eighteen-year-old guy making out in a hotel room with his best friend. And Jimin is just that, his best friend, the person he trusts the most in this world, his hyung. He’s everything. And he’s not idol Park Jimin.

Nothing else matters but this moment right here.

He slides his hand down Jimin’s side and touches him too. Though he’s bolder, a bit too eager. He slides his hand into Jimin’s jeans, placing his palm on Jimin’s ass cheek, over his briefs. If Jimin is shocked by it, he doesn’t let it show. He continues moving, undeterred. They’re moving in a quick and desperate way, rutting against each other as if they’ve never experienced a pleasure like this one and, truth be told, Jeongguk never has.

This is different to jerking off alone in the shower. Jimin’s body is warm and fits perfectly with his and he only has to lift his thigh a little bit to have it pressing harder into Jeongguk’s hard-on. It makes pleasure shoot around him so intensely, he stops moving altogether, a moan getting stuck in his throat when Jimin kisses him again. He swallows down Jeongguk’s loud moan, preventing him from letting the whole hotel know what’s going on inside their room.

“Feels so good,” Jeongguk blurts out, snapping his hips forward, seeking out more of that delicious pleasure that’s licking up his spine and making his thighs shake. “Hyung, I’m―I can’t―gonna cum,” he exhales. “I’m so close, please, please, please.”

“Me too,” Jimin mumbles, pecking Jeongguk’s lips even though he’s speaking, moaning, trying to express how intense the pleasure is. He can’t. He’s breathless. It feels like he’s speaking nonsense, words he can’t really understand himself. It’s all just a lot. “Me too, Jeongguk-ah.”

Jimin whines and rolls onto his back, tugging Jeongguk with him. He spreads his legs a little bit, fitting Jeongguk perfectly in between his thighs. He places his feet on the bed, knees bent for better leverage and lifts his hips to drag them against Jeongguk. Maybe it’s the position they’re in right now but it almost feels as if they’re having sex. And the image that settles in Jeongguk’s brain is enough for something to snap inside of him.

He drops down entirely on Jimin’s body, pressing him down into the mattress. Jimin grunts, but doesn’t protest. His hands are in Jeongguk’s hair again, tugging at the strands desperately. He’s moving against Jeongguk as if his life depends on it, but his movements are now jerky, losing their pace. Jeongguk can tell by the soft little moans that are leaving his mouth that he’s close.

Jeongguk moves his hips at the same pace as Jimin’s, dragging them against his, their hard cocks pressing together as they desperately try to push over the edge. The pleasure is good and the friction is perfect, but it takes a big effort to get to where they want. Jeongguk can feel sweat collecting at the low of his back, covering his forehead, making his hair stick to his skin.

Jimin doesn’t seem to care about that, though. He lifts his head and places a kiss in between Jeongguk’s eyebrows, murmuring something about how good he feels, how good he is. Jeongguk shudders, burrowing his face into Jimin’s neck. His hips are moving, but it feels like he’s not controlling them. Jimin’s hands are both on his ass cheeks, pushing him down in time with his thrusts.

Jeongguk reaches down too, hands on Jimin’s ass cheeks, lifting him up. They move and move and keep going, panting, trying to kiss but failing as they lose control of their bodies. They cum together, muscles tensing, bodies continuing their movements even though their muscles ache slightly with the effort.

They shake through it violently, hips jerking, legs tangling together. He vaguely feels Jimin trembling under him. There’s pleasure exploding around him, invading every inch of his body. He cums in his briefs, his head spinning with the intensity of an orgasm unlike any he’s experienced before. It’s the first time he gets lost in someone else, after all. When moving becomes too much, his body hyper-sensitive, he just stops, slumping down against Jimin.

Jimin’s hands are on his waist, a gentle weight that feels weak now that he’s no longer shaking with his own orgasm. They stay as they are, unmoving, both coming down from it, recovering from the intense moment that just took over them. It feels like it takes forever to settle down and even when that happens, Jeongguk can’t find it within himself to move away from Jimin. It feels so good to be here, pressed to his body so tightly, feeling him everywhere still.

Fingers slip into his hair, gentle and comforting, playing with the strands. It’s soothing―not that Jeongguk feels antsy in any way. It just feels nice after such an intense moment. Jeongguk doesn’t want to move at all. And it seems Jimin doesn’t want to, either. So, they stay as they are, Jimin’s hands in his hair and Jeongguk’s face pressed to his neck, nuzzling into his overheated skin.

It makes Jimin giggle softly, his hand sliding down to Jeongguk’s nape. Jeongguk does it again and earns himself another soft laugh.

“We should change,” Jimin whispers, though he doesn’t make a move to stand up. “Fuck, we haven’t even showered,” he mumbles.

That makes Jeongguk laugh too. And soon, they’re both giggling softly, trying to keep quiet because it’s far too late and they should definitely be asleep right now.

“In a little bit,” Jeongguk murmurs.

Jimin hums. And they stay as they are for another long moment, just enjoying each other’s warmth.

By the time they do move to change, they’ve both settled down. Jimin showers first and Jeongguk showers afterwards and when they get ready for bed, they naturally gravitate towards the one Jimin picked earlier, slipping under the soft sheets and sliding closer to each other. Arms and legs tangled, and bodies pressed together in such a pleasant way. Jeongguk burrows his face into Jimin’s chest and sighs happily. There’s nowhere he’d rather be than where he is right now.

Jimin’s lips press to his head. He murmurs something that Jeongguk’s sleep-fogged head doesn’t catch. It doesn’t matter. Jeongguk can ask tomorrow. He’s too sleepy and tired to ask right now. He falls asleep like that, Jimin’s hand in his hair, his leg hooked over Jimin’s hip and their bodies pressed together. The idea of waking up in Jimin’s arms like this, of kissing him again and again, it all has him falling asleep with a smile and the promise of tomorrow.

∞

NOW

The sun has set a long while ago and the dark night hovers above Jeongguk in a way that he usually thinks is beautiful. The stars are visible, shining in the darkness and the moon is showing itself, though not entirely. Today has been a good day. Spending time with his family always makes him happy, especially at times when he starts to feel constricted, no time for anything but his busy schedule.

Being with family also means he’s away from his idol life and, as much as he enjoys it, there’s also the feelings he’s always keeping buried deep in his heart and that he constantly has to check in on to make sure they’re still carefully hidden. It gets exhausting. And it sometimes overwhelms him.

“Can’t sleep?” His brother’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

Jeongguk looks to his side and spots his older brother taking a seat beside him on the grass. They rented out a lodge for the weekend, so they could spend some time somewhere in Busan where there weren't a lot of people, just to make sure Jeongguk could enjoy his time off. So far, it’s been a very peaceful weekend and truth be told, Jeongguk already knows he’ll miss it after going back tomorrow.

“Not really,” he replies with a small smile. He looks back up into the sky, leaning back on his hands. His legs are stretched in front of himself, one hooked over the other. “I just wanted to have this view one more time. I can’t believe it’s already been three days.”

Junghyun hums. “That’s what normally happens when you’re enjoying yourself. Time just flies.” Jeongguk nods. That’s for sure. He definitely had a good time here, so it’s not surprising it’s been a quick three days. “You’re okay, right?” Junghyun asks, once more grabbing Jeongguk’s attention.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’m okay. How are you, hyung? Is everything going okay with mom and dad?” He asks. “Remember you promised you’d tell me if you guys needed anything.”

Junghyun’s hand falls to his back and rubs comfortingly. “Don’t worry, Jeongguk-ah. All is good, I promise.”

Jeongguk relaxes, nodding slowly. Growing up, things weren’t all that good at home. Money was short and that inevitably caused problems that couldn’t be solved. Now that he has the money, he’s always trying his best to ensure his parents and his brother aren’t struggling in any way. They’re always telling him he shouldn’t be sending them stuff, but it makes Jeongguk happy to give them things. It’s a little bit like his love language.

He likes pleasing people. And he’s also very touchy―though this is something that developed over time. When he was younger, he was shy and hesitant, so that made him pull back a lot from the rest of the guys, especially from Jimin. Jimin was the opposite of him. He was loud and touchy and easy going. It made Jeongguk nervous. These days, he misses that sort of thing. He and Jimin are very close friends―best friends, actually. But they’ve both grown and things have inevitably shifted between them.

Or maybe that’s just what Jeongguk feels.

“You know, I hadn’t heard your new song until a week ago,” his brother mentions. “But then it came on randomly when I was listening to music on my way to work.” Jeongguk looks to the side towards him and finds his older brother giving him a teasing look, before he can ask why he has that expression, Junghyun keeps going. “Is Jimin not bothered by it, considering it’s a song about fucking a girl seven days a week?”

The question takes a moment to register in Jeongguk’s head. And then it takes him a long while to figure out just what his brother is asking. Why in the world would Jimin be bothered by it? If anything, Jimin had liked the song a lot when it had come out. Jeongguk hadn’t let the members hear the song until it was out, something like a surprise. And when it did, Jimin had grinned and told him he was glad he was going for something bold like he wanted, not holding back from what he wanted to do.

It made Jeongguk happy, the fact that Jimin had pointed out what Jeongguk was precisely going for. He wanted to sing something bolder, something that fit him more in a way. It’s not that he’s a fuck boy, though he does have his fair share of hook-ups here and there. It’s just that he’s been trying to show this other side of him, the one that isn’t as pristine and perfect as he’s always been shown to be. The one that has tattoos and several piercings and that doesn’t mind mentioning sex.

Jimin had understood that and told him he was proud of him.

His words had made Jeongguk’s heart flutter in his chest in a way he always tried his best to suppress.

“Jimin hyung likes the song,” he replies with a shrug. “He’s already heard it, obviously.”

Junghyun cocks an eyebrow. “Huh,” is what he replies, but then he keeps going. “I don’t know, Jeongguk-ah. Are you sure? If my partner was singing about fucking a girl I don’t know if I’d be that happy.”

His words once more register in Jeongguk’s head after a long moment, but even then he can’t really understand what they mean. Junghyun’s phrasing is weird. Why would any of the members be bothered by the song? Sure, it’s not something they tend to sing and yes, Jeongguk talked to them about wanting to show this other side of him for his solo album, just to make sure they were all okay with him trying it out. But none of the six guys mentioned anything about being uncomfortable about it, nor about not liking it.

“Hyung,” he states, leaning forward and giving his brother a serious look. “I wanted to show another side of myself, the one that isn’t as perfect as idols are meant to be. I wanted to be honest about myself. There’s nothing wrong with singing about sex. It’s not like I don’t get laid frequently, especially in the States. Why are you―”

“Wait, what?” His brother asks, interrupting him. “What do you mean you get laid frequently? Did you and Jimin break up?”

It’s a startling question. Suddenly, Junghyun’s previous questions make sense. Jeongguk had been confused about them. He thought his brother was saying partner, as in Bangtan member. What does he mean , Jeongguk and Jimin broke up? They stare at each other for a long moment, Jeongguk processing what his brother has just asked and his brother watching him expectantly, worry reflected in his expression.

“Hyung, Jimin and I have never been together.”

It hurts a little to say it, if Jeongguk is being honest. Or maybe what really hurts is that his brother thought they were and it’s ironic, considering Jeongguk has hoped for it so many times. Maybe in another universe, Jeongguk could have been lucky enough to have Jimin in that way. But not in this one, not with the life they both have.

Junghyun seems floored upon learning this. He doesn’t say anything for a long while, just stares back at Jeongguk while studying his face, as if he’s trying to figure out if he’s being honest or just messing with him. Jeongguk can’t help that his thoughts are pulled back to the past, to all those moments his family has seen him and Jimin together. What might have made his brother think that he and Jimin were dating? Has Jeongguk been obvious all this time, despite trying not to be? But to think that way, it means both of them were doing something that gave off that idea.

This last thought makes his heart jump. Has he missed something? Is there a chance that Jimin maybe feels the same way as he does? The question brings back memories that he’s worked hard to keep away. The one and only kiss that he and Jimin shared―that went beyond a single kiss, of course. The conversation they had the following morning. The things the manager told him. The whole reason he pulled back a bit from Jimin and how that caused them to drift away somewhat.

With time, Jeongguk learned to keep his feelings out of the way and to balance things so as to not lose Jimin’s friendship. He might be in love with him and he might always feel that way, but Jimin is his best friend and that’s something he can’t afford to lose. He never wants to be away from Jimin and if that meant keeping his feelings to himself, he was willing to do so. He’s been doing so all this time.

“You’re playing with me,” Junghyun says, snapping Jeongguk back to the present. “What do you mean, Jimin and you haven’t ever been together?” Jeongguk opens his mouth to explain, but Junghyun keeps going before he can. “You guys have always been so close. I’ve seen how close you are on camera, but also off camera. Whenever you guys came to Busan together, it was just―” he pauses, clearly seeing Jeongguk’s surprised expression. Jeongguk can’t breathe properly. His thoughts are running wild. There are so many things he’s suddenly thinking about and he can’t seem to order the thoughts. “You’re being serious,” Junghyun deadpans. “You and Jimin aren’t together. You never were?”

Jeongguk swallows down the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling so overwhelmed. He shakes his head. “We never have been,” he repeats. “We’re just best friends.”

There was a brief moment when Jeongguk was eighteen, the night he and Jimin kissed for the first and only time, that he thought he and Jimin would have a future together. Even if it was going to be hard, he was willing. He’d known he liked boys for a year, he’d had a crush on Jimin for just as long. It felt like everything aligned perfectly for them, almost like destiny. And then it all came crashing down the next day when Jimin basically broke his heart.

“Wow,” Junghyun finally murmurs. He shakes his head. “I’m sorry for assuming, Jeongguk-ah,” his brother says, his hand on Jeongguk’s back again. Jeongguk isn’t bothered by it. If anything, he’s shocked and there’s hope flourishing under his skin because, Jimin must have also been acting in a way that made Junghyun think that they were together and maybe that means he likes Jeongguk too. Maybe he didn’t back then, but maybe he does now. Jeongguk told himself he’d never give in to his feelings like this, but he can’t help it, not when there’s a small chance Jimin reciprocates his feelings. “It’s um, well. It’s not just me, actually.”

“What?” Jeongguk asks, eyebrows furrowing.

Junghyun clears his throat.

“Well, I’m not the only one that assumed you and Jimin were dating,” he starts to explain. “Our parents and Jimin’s think so too.”

Jeongguk turns his body towards Junghyun’s instantly, his eyes widening.

“ What? ”

Junghyun seems embarrassed as he gives Jeongguk an apologetic smile. He shrugs.

“I just―you guys are closer than your average best friends,” he points out. “It felt like there was more going on there and since the both of you were so lovey dovey whenever you were in Busan together, the families just assumed,” he explains.

“You’re messing with me,”Jeongguk shoots back, shaking his head. “There’s just no way.”

“I’m not,” Junghyun quickly assures. “I swear, just two weeks ago I overheard mom talking with Jimin’s mother. They were discussing wedding destinations for after your military service.” Jeongguk groans and drops his face into his hands. He can’t believe this. How is it possible that his whole family has thought he and Jimin were together all this time and he just never knew? Does that say something about his relationship with Jimin? Does that mean there’s a possibility of more? “I’m sorry, Jeongguk-ah. I should have asked to confirm. I’m going to talk to mom and clear things up.”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “It’s not―I just can’t believe you guys have thought that all this time,” he explains. “And that you never thought to ask?

Junghyun rubs at his nape with an embarrassed smile on his lips.

“I don’t know, you guys have been joined at the hip for so many years, it just felt like it was your way of telling us,” he explains. “Which is wrong, I know. I should have asked. I’m sorry, Jeongguk-ah. I really am.”

Jeongguk takes a deep breath. He’s not angry, not at all. His thoughts are just running a thousand miles an hour. The possibility of Jimin feeling the same way is there, he knows it is. If his brother and their mothers thought they were together, that means it wasn’t one-sided, it means it wasn’t just something obvious from Jeongguk’s part.

“It’s fine,” he replies. “Really, I’m just―I’m surprised, that’s all.”

They fall silent for a long moment. Jeongguk trying to collect his thoughts and his brother seeming to want to give him a moment to process the conversation they just had. Or maybe he’s just trying to analyze Jeongguk’s reaction because soon, he’s speaking up again and asking a question Jeongguk never expected to hear him ask.

“Do you like Jimin, Jeongguk-ah?” Jeongguk has never once voiced out his feelings towards Jimin. He’s kept them hidden for such a long time, it costs him to open his mouth and reply. The thing is, he wants to say no. He wants to say what he’s always told himself he must say. But he can’t . He covers his face with his hands, the feelings suddenly rushing out of him. His eyes sting with unshed tears, but he keeps them in as he takes slow breaths, trying to control himself. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, Jeongguk-ah. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything. You’re my little brother and I love you, no matter what. You can talk to me, if you need it. I’ll always be here for whatever you need.”

Jeongguk takes a deep breath and drops his hands. He’s collected himself, but he still feels a bit overwhelmed with emotions. His feelings for Jimin have always been so strong, after all.

“I do,” he whispers, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He stares ahead of himself, no longer capable of looking at his brother, otherwise he might burst out crying. “I really like him, hyung.”

Fingers press to his nape and squeeze reassuringly. “Does he not feel the same way?”

Jeongguk swallows down the lump in his throat. Never in a million years did he imagine himself having this conversation with his brother during this trip―he didn’t imagine it ever happening in any circumstance. And yet, here he is. Here they are. It’s the first time Jeongguk has confessed what he feels towards his best friend and it’s so liberating, he wants to scream it out to the rest of the world, he wants to tell Jimin so badly he itches to reach for his phone and call him. He knows better than to do something so suddenly without thinking clearly.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles sincerely, sniffling and taking another deep breath to calm himself further. “When we were younger…there was this one time we kissed,” he confesses. Mentioning that night makes his thoughts go back there and as the image of Jimin’s lips against his takes over his mind, he finds himself craving again, wishing for Jimin’s closeness. “Afterwards, he told me it was a mistake, something that happened in the heat of the moment. We never did anything ever again and we never talked about it again either. So, all this time I thought that he didn’t. But now with everything you’ve said, I’m not so sure anymore, you know?” He asks, squeezing his arms harder around his knees. “I feel stupid for feeling so hopeful.”

But he can’t help it. He really is so hopeful now. He’s thinking about their Japan trip in a couple of weeks. He’s thinking about all the possibilities. He could tell Jimin what he feels. He could see how it goes. Sure, it might mean getting his heart broken a second time, but Jeongguk has lived all of these years thinking Jimin would never feel the same way as he did. He’s lived with heartbreak before.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling hopeful,” Junghyun replies, his hand rubbing up and down between Jeongguk’s shoulder blades. “I obviously can’t say much about your relationship, I can only say what I’ve seen all these years, especially as of late. And to me, it seems like Jimin likes you just as much as you like him.”

Jeongguk glances back at his brother. “You really think so?”

Junghyun smiles and nods. “I do,” he replies. “You guys are going to Tokyo soon, right? Maybe feel out the vibe during the trip? Use that time to figure out where the both of you stand and maybe ask him,” he suggests. “I know it must be scary. The life you two have isn’t an easy one. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy, Jeongguk-ah. I think you should give it a try, no matter what.”

There’s a flutter in Jeongguk’s heart and his emotions are all over the place. A part of him wants to just go looking for Jimin right now and tell him everything, ask him the question, hopefully get the answer that he’s wanted all this time. But he knows better than to act impulsively. The kiss they shared back then was an impulsive thing, something done because of the adrenaline from their concert, something done because they’d had a bit of soju to drink, something done without really thinking about consequences. Jeongguk has to be careful this time. He can’t risk losing Jimin again, more so because Jimin has become Jeongguk’s lifeline, his everything. Jeongguk can’t live without him and losing him would devastate him in an irreparable way.

“Yeah, we’re going back to Tokyo,” he murmurs with a small smile. “I think I will give it a try. I just need to clear my head first. I’m―” he starts, but shakes his head. “Thank you, hyung. I know this is probably not a conversation you were expecting to have with me, but I’m glad you did. I’m grateful to know you have my back no matter what.”

Junghyun grins. “Of course,” he replies. “You’re my little Jeonggukie,” he teases, ruffling Jeongguk’s hair. “I’ll be here no matter what.”

Jeongguk groans and swats his hand away, but he’s smiling and he’s happy, even if the future is uncertain. He’s glad to know he has his brother’s support no matter what and very clearly, he also has the support of the rest of his family. Now, all he needs is to know if Jimin feels the same way as he does and if that’s the case, perhaps Jeongguk will finally have what he’s been hoping for all of these years.

∞

Jimin tries not to think about Jeongguk as often as he used to. There was a period of time during which he couldn’t help it. It was after that kiss they shared after that one concert. A kiss that somehow turned into more and that only ended up breaking Jimin’s heart. The months after that, the concert in Manila, all the ways in which things changed between him and Jeongguk, it was a period of time during which Jimin spent hours on end thinking about Jeongguk, despite knowing it wasn’t a smart thing to do.

Thing is, the more he tried to forget about him, the deeper he fell.

He and Jeongguk had been close since Bangtan formed and both being from Busan made them bond over missing home and the things they had in common. Jeongguk was young and he was only just growing up, so Jimin took him under his wing and made sure to always be there for whatever he might need. They became best friends and though Jeongguk was pretty shy at first, after he turned eighteen, it was as if he turned into a completely different person.

Jeongguk still had a baby face, though he also looked more mature. He grew in size and also started to gain interest in exercise. He also became less shy and during those few months before the kiss they shared, he’d become somewhat more touchy than he used to be. He reached out more to Jimin. And, at first, Jimin was happy about it. Jeongguk was his best friend, he liked being there for him. But during those months leading up to the kiss, his feelings for him started to change.

Now, a part of Jimin had always known he liked boys. Back then he hadn’t really sat down to think about it yet, but the kiss was enough to confirm it. Unfortunately, it was a memory that became tainted with fear. It had been a drunken mistake and the morning after, Jimin had woken up with the reality of what had happened. It was good that there were parts of that night that Jimin didn’t remember well, otherwise he’s sure he’d be mortified up until this moment.

He knew Jeongguk was straight―and he’d been reminded of it by the manager that used to work with them, though he’d fortunately been kicked out of HYBE a few years ago. And the idea of having stepped over a line he shouldn’t have crossed just because they were both a bit drunk made him panic. Fortunately, things between them were resolved.

It took a while and they fought a bit as they struggled to get back to where they’d been before that mistake, but eventually, they went back to the usual familiarity and calmness that surrounded their moments together.

Still, even after all these years, Jimin is yet to move on from his feelings for Jeongguk. Jeongguk was his first love―and the only one he’s had. It’s hard to let go of that even after all this time.

His phone vibrates again and snaps him out of memory lane. He looks down to the screen again and reads the new message that just came through.

Ggukie [11:51 p.m]

Busan looks so pretty tonight

[photo attached]

I wish you’d come with me as always

Ggukie [11:57 p.m]

My brother said hi btw

A smile takes over Jimin’s lips. He wants to reply, but doing so will only end up with more pain, that’s for sure. If he replies, Jeongguk will surely call and as much as he wants to talk to him and hear his voice, it would be too much for his heart tonight. Their second Japan trip is coming up in a couple of weeks. They’ve had it planned for a long while and it’s finally going to be happening. As much as Jimin is excited, he’s also nervous. It will be like closure. They had their first Japan trip during a time when Jimin was heartbroken.

Jeongguk had started going out more, meeting girls, apparently getting laid. The move away from their reality, getting to be all alone, just the two of them, gave Jimin a much needed break. And he had Jeongguk all to himself.

This time, it’ll be like a goodbye of sorts. Their military service is coming up and even though they’re going together, things won’t be the same. It’s nostalgic, really and Jimin is trying to prepare himself for it, even though he’s looking forward to being able to spend alone time with Jeongguk.

Jimin sets his phone aside. The shower is still running and he’s all alone in the room. He rolls onto his belly and contemplates sleep, but his closed eyes do nothing to help him relax. Eventually, he reaches for his phone again and unlocks it, entering the message app. He reads over Jeongguk’s messages again and texts back.

That’s the thing. As much as Jimin fights it, he can never help that he caves when it comes to Jeongguk.

The call comes through a second later and even though his heart aches a little, he has a smile on his lips as he answers, rolling onto his back to settle in a more comfortable position.

“ Hyung ,” Jeongguk says with an exhale, the same way he always seems to call out to Jimin, as if he’s relieved about talking to him.

“Hi, Gguk,” Jimin replies, closing his eyes. “How was your day?” He asks. “What did you do?”

Jeongguk excitedly tells Jimin about his day. He spent the morning with his parents and his mother surprised him with his favorite food. He took a nap during the afternoon and slept for too long. Eventually he went out with some friends for the evening and went back home to have dinner with his parents.

“ What about you, hyung? ” Jeongguk asks a moment later, after he’s done telling Jimin all about his day.

It brings a smile to Jimin’s lips. “I spent the whole day trying to figure out how to fix this song. I just―it doesn’t sound right yet.”

Jeongguk hums. “ I’m sure you’ll be able to fix it, hyung. You’re working hard, just know that you deserve a rest every once in a while. ”

Jimin stares up at the ceiling, tugging at the sheets with his free hand. He closes his eyes and fists the sheets.

“I’ll have a rest when we go to Tokyo,” he murmurs.

Jeongguk is quiet for a long moment. Jimin waits with his heart in his throat until Jeongguk finally replies

“ I’m very excited about Tokyo, hyung, ” he confesses. “ I can’t wait for us to be far away. ”

The way in which he says it makes Jimin’s heart flutter. It’s so soft and so gentle and so eager. Jimin feels just as excited, the prospect of spending a whole weekend with Jeongguk, the rest of the world pushed back and easy to ignore as they enjoy each other’s presence, it’s something he’s looking forward to a lot.

“I can’t wait either,” he murmurs. “It’s gonna be too short of a trip, but I really want us to enjoy it,” he says. “Afterwards, we won’t have much time left to enjoy on our own.”

Soon, responsibilities will take over and they’ll have to pause everything for it. Even if they’re enlisting together, it won’t be the same.

“ Yeah, ” Jeongguk exhales. “ I’m excited for the things we have coming up. Let’s enjoy them a lot, hyung. ”

The way he speaks to Jimin always makes him feel all sorts of ways. He was always overly eager, like a puppy excited about everything. But with time and as they grew up, he started using this very soft tone with Jimin, always gentle and sweet―even though he maintains the eagerness. It does things to Jimin’s heart. Especially the way he says ‘hyung’. Jimin just doesn’t know how he’s supposed to keep his heart in check when all the time, anything Jeongguk does, makes him fall deeper and deeper in love with him.

“I know we will,” Jimin replies. “We had a lot of fun in Tokyo last time, this time won’t be any different.” Jimin just hopes he’ll be able to survive it without ending up with his heart further broken. Jeongguk’s silence lasts a little too long and it makes Jimin’s eyebrows furrow. “Is everything alright, Jeongguk-ah?” He asks.

Jeongguk clears his throat.

“Y eah, everything is fine, hyung, ” he quickly responds. “ I should get going. It’s late and I don’t want to keep you up for too long. I’ll see you tomorrow when I get back. ”

Jimin opens his mouth to ask again because it’s obvious there’s something Jeongguk isn’t saying. But the bathroom door opens then and out comes Hajoon, fully dressed now, using the towel to dry off his hair. When he’s done, he lifts his gaze to Jimin and spots him on the bed with his phone against his ear. He gives him a look that lets Jimin know he’s been caught red-handed and Jimin rolls his eyes before quickly going back to his conversation.

“Are you sure everything is okay, Gguk?” He asks.

Jeongguk rushes out a quick yes and tells Jimin that he’ll see him tomorrow again before hanging up in a hurry. Jimin drops his phone with his eyebrows still furrowed and worry felt in his chest. It’s strange, but he knows better than to press Jeongguk to tell him. Jeongguk opens up whenever he’s ready and whatever it is that’s bothering him, he might not be just yet.

“You have that love-sick puppy look on your face again,” Hajoon points out, placing the towel over the back of the desk chair and heading towards the bed. He drops down with a groan, feet still on the ground and knees bent. He closes his eyes and remains there, waiting for Jimin to answer. But Jimin doesn’t have an answer. “This is the part where you deny that you’re making that face,” he adds, opening his eyes and turning his head to the side to look at Jimin.

Jimin rolls his eyes again.

“I know the face I’m making,” he shoots back. “I’m working on it.”

Hajoon snorts. “Right,” he states, sitting up and carding his fingers through his hair. “ I would know.”

His voice holds that sadness in his tone the way it always does whenever he mentions something related to the guy he’s in love with. He’s fallen just as deep as Jimin has, though his chances are way worse than Jimin’s―not that Jimin has any chances, considering all the time that’s gone by since he realized what he felt for Jeongguk.

“I wish I could tell you it gets easier,” Jimin murmurs, sitting up and stretching his arms over his chest. His body feels somewhat sore and he’s yet to get dressed, but he’ll get going in a bit.

“No worries, I already ripped that band-aid a long time ago,” Hajoon assures.

Hajoon was in love with his best friend too, for a very long time. Until said best friend got married. And even then, he’s never been able to let him go―which isn’t surprising, considering they see each other often because of their friendship.

Sometimes, Jimin wonders what he’ll do when that happens to him. Because, eventually, Jeongguk will fall in love with a girl and marry her and he’ll live his happy ever after while Jimin is left behind longing for him still.

Hajoon chuckles and snaps Jimin out of his thoughts. Jimin looks back at him with a cocked eyebrow.

“What are you laughing about?” He asks.

Hajoon sighs and shakes his head. “I just―it occurred to me that everything would be so much easier if we could just pick someone to fall in love with and move on, you know?” He asks. “Or just, date someone until it happened.”

Jimin hums. “Yeah, well. Unfortunately it’s not that easy.”

Jimin has hoped he could fall in love with someone else a lot of times before. But no matter how much he wishes he could let go of Jeongguk. He can’t. And, a part of him doesn’t want to, either. Because Jeongguk is everything to him and the idea of not having what they have―even if it’s not fully what he wants―is heartbreaking too.

“What if we just decided to date each other?” Hajoon asks. “Do you think we’d eventually move on?”

“With each other?” He asks. “Like…are you suggesting that, really? For us to date?”

Hajoon gives Jimin a sad smile. “I don’t know. Do you think…I mean, what’s there to lose?”

Jimin’s eyebrows furrow. He nibbles on the inside of his cheek and tosses around the idea in his head. He’s tried dating other people before and those relationships never really lasted. Either way, the two times he tried, it was too much of a hassle. The idol life makes it difficult. Hajoon is also in a boy band, so he gets it―hence why it’s easy for them to just meet up occasionally and satisfy each other sexually.

“I guess it doesn’t sound that bad,” he murmurs, still considering what it might entail.

Hajoon snorts. “Mean.”

Jimin laughs and then they’re both laughing, shaking their heads. Jimin leans back and sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. Really, what is there to lose?

“I mean it, though,” he points out. “I guess we could try it. See….where it takes us?”

Hajoon hums, though he seems surprised Jimin has agreed. Honestly, at this point, Jimin really doesn’t have anything to lose. Everything hurts, anyway. Maybe this will help ease the pain, eventually―even if it means doing the one thing he never wanted to do: letting Jeongguk go.

“We could,” Hajoon voices out. “Then…we’re dating?” He asks awkwardly.

Jimin snorts. “Oh my god.”

Hajoon rolls his eyes. “ Okay , I’m leaving. Hopefully next time we see each other, I’m used to the idea of it.”

“See you soon then, boyfriend,” Jimin replies, just as awkwardly as Hajoon talked before.

They both scrunch their noses and make a face and Jimin wonders if this dating idea is really going to help out in some way. But, really, he doesn’t have anything to lose. So he watches Hajoon grab his stuff and leave the room. He helps himself out of Jimin’s house the same way he always does, in a car with tinted windows and very late at night to ensure nobody notices. He also comes over late to ensure that they’re not caught.

But Jimin’s home has enough security that nobody can really know who comes and goes. They’re always extra careful about it.

Nothing feels different once he’s left alone and he rolls onto his belly again, burrowing his face into his pillow and groaning. Sleep is starting to take over his muscles and even though he knows he should shower first, he’s too tired to get up. Eventually, he lets it take over and he gives in.

And that night, as if being reminded by the universe that his love for Jeongguk will always be there, he dreams about him and about things he will never be able to have.

Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t get as much sleep as he hoped he would.

∞

There’s nervousness buzzing under Jeongguk’s skin.

It reminds him of the feeling that followed him around when they were younger. Before the kiss and before everything changed. Jeongguk had a crush on Jimin that didn’t feel scary at all, that just felt like a part of him that was there and that he could pretend wasn’t all that big. He’d look forward to being with Jimin, to spending time with him, to talking with him and he’d feel all shy whenever that happened, but Jimin would be oblivious and he’d ruffle his hair, calling him a cute baby.

One would think Jeongguk wouldn’t like being babied, but when it comes to Jimin, he doesn’t mind it one bit.

There’s nothing he would trade for this trip. Traveling with Jimin is one of his favorite things in the world. Sure, it was great when they traveled with Bangtan, the seven of them together getting to meet new places. But after that first Tokyo trip they took together, Jeongguk realized that he loved being alone with Jimin. It gave him a sense of happiness he couldn’t quite put into words.

Every single moment feels special and important. And even if it’s not the smartest thing, he can’t help that he imagines this as a lover’s trip, not just two best friends going to a different country together. This time, though, he has a goal in mind, something he wants to do and that he hopes will change everything forever―for good.

He just hopes it’ll turn out that way. If everybody thought he and Jimin were together, maybe it’s for a reason and Jeongguk is ready to find out.

“What are you thinking about?” Jimin’s voice interrupts his trail of thought. “You’ve been staring at your plate for like five minutes.”

He’s teasing, a big smile on his lips. Jeongguk scrunches his nose.

“I’m just happy we’re here,” he replies. “It’s a nice rest from the real world and it’s also like the first trip we took. Remember?”

“Of course, I remember,” Jimin says. “It was the best trip we’ve ever taken. I’m glad we’re doing it again before everything that’s lining up. It’s going to be a long year and a half,” he murmurs, looking down at his food.

Their military service is coming up, so they’re finishing up with all their schedules before that. And yes, they’re going together on the buddy system, but it won’t be the same, of course. It won’t be the same as this, spending time together doing whatever they want.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk whispers. “It will be.”

They grow quiet for a moment, focusing on their food. Jeongguk has so many things he wants to say. He’s thought about it long and hard, he knows what he wants to say, but he’s worried once he starts talking, he’ll just word-vomit all of it instead of making any sense. Things with Jimin have always been easy, but this one particular thing has always been the most difficult one in the world.

And it doesn’t help that he’s been thinking about it non-stop since he talked with his brother. On the private jet, when they laid down on the bed and dozed off for a while, Jeongguk found himself sliding closer to Jimin, cuddling him the way he hadn’t had a chance to do so in a while. Their schedules haven’t been looking like they used to, after all. Now they all have personal schedules to attend and things to get done before their service.

Jeongguk peeks up and he inevitably gets lost in the sight of Jimin. He’s munching on his food, now focused on something happening to his right. Jeongguk can’t take his eyes off of him. He’s the most absolutely beautiful being he’s ever seen.

And the idea of possibly having him in his life the way he’s always wanted makes his heart flutter again. The hope of having missed something that everybody else seemed to be seeing is something he can’t ignore any longer.

But before he can start the conversation that he’s been thinking about for days, Jimin suddenly looks back down to his plate and seems to think about something before he lifts his head and finds Jeongguk’s gaze. He doesn’t seem surprised about finding Jeongguk already looking at him.

Words get stuck in Jeongguk’s throat. Despite everything, he’s still scared of what it would mean if this would be a mistake. If he lost Jimin, it would break him in a way he’s not sure he could ever recover from.

“There’s um, something I wanted to tell you,” Jimin says, snapping Jeongguk out of his thoughts. He puts down his chopsticks and leans back in his chair, giving Jeongguk a tentative smile. “Do you remember Hajoon?” He asks.

The sudden question makes Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow. It takes a few seconds for his brain to process the name Jimin just mentioned. Jimin doesn’t talk about him much, but yes, Jeongguk knows who that is. Hajoon—Jimin’s fuck buddy. Hearing his name makes something uncomfortable settle in Jeongguk’s belly.

He’s pulled back to the day he discovered Jimin was spending his free time with…people. Truthfully, he had no right being angry about Jimin not telling him about it. But at the time, he told him that he just felt hurt that Jimin hadn’t trusted him. Instead, he’d been hurt about the idea of Jimin being with other people that weren’t him. Because knowing that he liked guys was one thing and, painful as it was, it wasn’t the same as knowing that Jimin liked guys that weren’t Jeongguk.

It felt like he was being mocked by the universe, in some way. The possibility of having Jimin was right there, but still, it was too far away.

Why is he mentioning him now? He’s known they’ve been fuck buddies for a while, but it’s not like they talk about it often.

“Yeah,” he exhales, suddenly feeling a tightness in his chest. What’s the point of mentioning him out of nowhere? Jeongguk doesn’t want to know where this is headed because there’s dread already forming in his chest and an ugly feeling settling under his skin. “I remember him.”

Jimin gives him a nervous smile and clears his throat. “Well, we’ve decided to…you know, give dating a try. We’ve been doing this thing for a while, so we figured it might be a good idea,” he explains.

It’s like getting his heart broken for a second time. Suddenly, Jeongguk feels eighteen years old again. He feels like he’s gone back to that morning Jimin told him that they should forget about what had happened between them. As Jimin looks up to him, Jeongguk finds himself feeling faint. It’s as if Jimin just slipped between his fingers.

How could Jeongguk get his hopes up again after all of these years knowing fully well that Jimin has never seen him as more than his best friend?

“Jeongguk?” Jimin asks, his eyebrows furrowing. “Do you think―I mean, do you think that was a bad decision? It’s just that…everything is changing and I can’t live like this forever, right? I want to fall in love and I want to find someone to spend my life with. I…” he trails off, suddenly seeming sad and his hurt gaze makes Jeongguk feel like the worst best friend in the fucking world.

Jimin confided in him, told him that he’s starting a relationship and Jeongguk doesn’t even reply. Even if it hurts, Jeongguk has always put Jimin’s happiness and wellbeing first. He might not be able to have Jimin’s love, but his friendship has always been the most valuable thing in his life. And he’s not about to ruin all of that.

Not after all of these years.

“No, I just―” Jeongguk starts, hoping it’s not evident in his voice that this moment is one of the most difficult of his life. “Sorry, that just surprised me,” he explains with a small smile, hoping that it’s sincere enough that Jimin won’t notice he’s hurting inside. “It’s kinda sudden.” Jimin’s expression remains worried, as if he’s hoping for validation from Jeongguk in order to stop feeling like he might have made a mistake. “But hyung, if you’re sure about what you feel, then it doesn’t matter what I think. You deserve to be happy, always.”

Jimin reaches out and suddenly places his hand on Jeongguk’s.

“But it does matter what you think,” he says, leaning over the table. The restaurant they’re at isn’t full, there are just a couple of tables with customers. But they’ve come here because it’s a quiet, reserved place, somewhere they knew they could talk without being bothered. “You’re my best friend. I will always care about what you think.”

Jeongguk swallows down the lump in his throat and turns his hand, giving Jimin’s a tight, reassuring squeeze.

“You’re my best friend, too,” Jeongguk replies, this time finding it easier to smile. Once the initial shock of Jimin’s new relationship has faded, he can go back to pretending he doesn’t feel that familiar ache in his chest. Though, moving on from this is not something he’ll be able to do. Knowing Jimin didn’t like him was one thing, knowing he’s falling in love with someone else is something entirely different. Still, he pushes that thought to the back of his head and focuses on Jimin again. “And all I care about is that you’re happy. If you are, then that’s good, hyung. I’m happy for you too.”

Finally, Jimin’s gaze relaxes and his shoulders drop, his body untensing. He gives Jeongguk a bigger smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes, but that lets Jeongguk know he’s happy about his response. The fact that there’s something still lingering in Jimin’s gaze makes Jeongguk reach for the unopened bottle of soju and open it up.

“I thought we weren’t drinking anymore?” Jimin asks, cocking an eyebrow.

They’ve both had a bottle of soju each, so they agreed not to drink more. But Jeongguk desperately wants to make Jimin happy and he wants to make sure Jimin only ever thinks Jeongguk is happy for him. After all, it might hurt like hell, but Jimin’s happiness is what matters to him the most. And if this makes him happy, then so be it.

“Yeah, but we have to celebrate,” he points out. He pours two shots and hands one of the small glasses to Jimin.

“Because I’m in a relationship now?” Jimin asks with a surprised laugh.

“Because you’re happy,” Jeongguk shoots back. He gestures towards the glass Jimin is holding between his fingers. “Come on,” he says, lifting his own glass. “To your happiness.”

Jimin laughs and shakes his head, but his smile remains and even grows as he lifts the glass to his lips. They down the shot together and Jimin’s wide smile makes Jeongguk smile, too. He pours another glass and even though Jimin rolls his eyes, they both down that one too.

He asks Jimin about how he and Hajoon decided to start dating. Because if he wants to make sure Jimin knows he’s happy for him, he has to be there to listen to him. And so, he listens as Jimin tells him that it wasn’t that big of a deal, that they just talked about it and decided they wanted to give it a try. He tells Jeongguk that it’s still fairly recent and that they’re seeing how things go.

And perhaps Jeongguk goes a bit over the top trying to make sure Jimin knows he’s happy for him. Because after ordering another two bottles of soju, he finds himself being very buzzed. Everything is spinning in a weird sort of way and his sight seems fuzzy. But Jimin is giggling at the things Jeongguk is saying and that’s all that Jeongguk needs to stay smiling.

“Nope, nope,” Jimin says when Jeongguk lifts his hand. He reaches for it and places it back down onto the table. “No more alcohol for you, Jeongguk-ah. You’re drunk and I’m feeling a bit buzzed. We should go back to the hotel before it gets too late.”

“But, hyung ,” Jeongguk protests. “We need to celebrate your happiness!” He exclaims, squeezing Jimin’s hand back. “We―”

“We already did,” Jimin interrupts with a giggle. “Come on, it won’t be long before you start to feel sleepy and as much as I love you, I will not be carrying your heavy ass back to the hotel room.”

Jeongguk snorts. “My ass is not heavy.” And then he laughs. “That’s your ass, hyung.”

That makes Jimin roll his eyes, but he’s smiling so wide and he’s shaking his head and Jeongguk’s heart feels full. And yet, when he remembers why they were drinking in the first place, he feels a little bit sad again. Because he came on this trip hoping to finally confess to Jimin how in love with him he’s been all this time and instead, he had to hear him say that he’s now in a relationship with someone else.

How is that fair?”

“Hey,” Jimin calls out, squeezing his hand. “Where’d you go?” He asks.

Jeongguk shakes his head and smiles widely again.

“Are you sure you don’t want another shot, hyung?” He asks. “You know I can hold my liquor.”

At that, Jimin snorts.

“Not better than I can, Gguk-ah,” he points out. “Come on, it’s very late. Let’s go to the hotel room and rest.”

Jeongguk scrunches his nose, but when Jimin stands up, he follows. They go to the front of the restaurant and despite Jeongguk’s protests, Jimin pays the bill. Then he slips his hand into Jeongguk’s and tugs at him to lead him out of the restaurant.

The fresh air hits Jeongguk like a rush. It makes everything spin and he grunts, stumbling slightly. Jimin’s arm wraps around his middle.

“See?” He hears him ask. “You can barely stand.”

“That was just the air,” Jeongguk protests.

“Hm, right,” Jimin is quick to reply. He’s smiling, though. And as long as he’s smiling, Jeongguk is happy. He doesn’t need more. He might hurt and he might cry and he might feel heartbroken. But that will never be more important than Jimin’s happiness. “It’s a good thing the hotel is close by. Otherwise, I don’t think you’d make it.”

“You underestimate me, hyung,” Jeongguk says. “I am perfectly fine.”

That only makes Jimin laugh. He pats Jeongguk’s waist, his arm firmly wrapped around his middle. He’s close enough that Jeongguk can feel his warmth, despite the cold air around them. He places his arm over Jimin’s shoulders and inevitably finds himself burrowing his face into Jimin’s hair. He breathes him in and smiles to himself.

“You smell nice, hyung,” he mumbles, leaning back and closing his eyes for a second.

“Gguk, don’t close your eyes,” Jimin reprimands. “You’re gonna trip.”

Jeongguk opens his eyes and giggles before burrowing his face into Jimin’s hair again and breathing him in. This time, Jimin’s hand rubs up and down his waist in a comforting manner.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk whispers, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

He swallows down the lump in his throat and stops walking. Jimin stops too, confusion filling his expression.

“Jeongguk-ah, we’re almost there. We should―” he starts to say, but Jeongguk places his hands on Jimin’s biceps and leans forward just enough that he can look into his eyes.

“Hyung, I’m very happy for you,” he says. “ Really ,” he insists, because he wants to make sure Jimin knows. “You deserve to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I’m glad you’ve found that.”

Something flashes through Jimin’s gaze. It seems like sadness, but then it seems like surprise and maybe Jeongguk is actually drunker than he thought because he’s not sure what he just saw. His eyebrows furrow, but Jimin replies before he can ask what it was.

“Well, you deserve to be happy too,” he tells Jeongguk.

Jeongguk knows that finding happiness beside someone else is not something that will happen―unless the universe takes mercy on him and lets him fall out of love with Jimin in some way. But being his friend will be enough. Being there for him will be enough. And Jeongguk will just have to learn to live with the fact that Jimin will never be his.

Jimin gently coaxes him to start walking again and Jeongguk follows. They walk the rest of the way in silence, close by to each other, but both of them are somewhat lost in thought. Everything is spinning in Jeongguk’s head and his thoughts are going a mile per hour, but he keeps his focus on his footsteps, trying his best not to trip or fall.

It proves to be a challenge. But eventually, they make it back to the hotel and Jimin helps him into the elevator. Their privacy has been kept well here, so they don’t have to worry about people filming them or seeing them. They ride the elevator up in silence and as they do, Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow again, a different thought settling in his head.

When the door opens and Jimin moves forward, Jeongguk reaches out and circles his wrist.

“Hyung,” he says, looking at Jimin.

Jimin tilts his head to the side. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“We’re sharing a room,” Jeongguk blurts out. “The―we’re even sharing a bed. That’s not―what will your boyfriend think if we―”

“Hey,” Jimin interrupts, shaking his head. He laughs and gently pats Jeongguk’s forearm. “He knows I’m here with you and he knows how close we are. That’s nothing you have to worry about,” he assures.

“But―” Jeongguk tries, clearing his throat and trying to organize his thoughts because everything is spinning so much more now. “Are you sure he’s fine with that? I don’t want―I wouldn’t want to cause any problems between you two. I can just get another room and―”

“Really, Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin interrupts. “It’s fine. He knows we’re best friends and he knew we were coming on this trip. You don’t have to worry about that, I promise.”

Jeongguk isn’t sure he’s convinced, but he doesn’t say anything else. The thing is, he’s selfish and the idea of not having Jimin close by during this short Tokyo trip is terrible. He hates it. He wants to have Jimin close to him at all times because maybe this will be his last chance to enjoy that. And so, he shuts up and nods and lets Jimin grab his hand and tug him out of the elevator.

But then as Jimin uses the card to unlock the door, Jeongguk starts to panic about something else. His mom and Jimin’s are going to be so sad when they discover that he and Jimin aren’t together. They probably already know that they’re not together, considering his brother promised to tell them that they were wrong for assuming, but Jeongguk had hoped that when they came back from Tokyo, he’d have good news.

Sadness settles in his chest again; the loss of Jimin all over again too painful after his brother’s words had given him hope he never dared to have. And then something else, too. If Jimin has someone in his life now, someone who he’ll be seeing more often, probably. Someone he’ll grow to love and want to spend all of his time with. There’s a chance he might not spend as much time with Jeongguk anymore. Maybe Jeongguk will even lose his friendship.

The idea is so painful he wants to cry.

But Jimin lets go of his hand and suddenly turns to look at him and Jeongguk has to pretend he wasn’t just about to break down. He clears his throat and heads towards the bed, making sure to keep his head down to give himself time to hide the fact that he was about to cry.

“You know,” he starts, thoughts running wild in his head. He’s still drunk and still feeling all fuzzy and full of emotions. It doesn’t feel like he’s thinking straight, but he also doesn’t know how to shut up. “You should hook me up with someone too,” he points out. Not that he has a problem finding people to hook up with, but he doesn’t know how to shut his mouth. “So I can also find myself a boyfriend, or at least someone to fuck me the way I deserve,” he blurts out. Then alarms go off in his head and he starts talking again because he’s not sure he meant to say that. “I mean, it’s about damn time I lose my gay virginity, right?” He asks and then panics again because why is he unable to stop fucking talking?

He’s met with silence. Complete silence. He swallows down the lump in his throat and turns around to face Jimin, wondering if maybe he’s so drunk he didn’t just say all of that but something else―something compromising. But when he meets Jimin’s gaze, he finds that the older one is surprised, his eyes slightly wide and his lips parted.

“What?” He asks, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you―wait, what?”

Jeongguk’s cheeks heat up. He really just said that, huh? He really just told Jimin that he wants to be fucked the way he deserves and that he wants to lose his gay virginity. Oh, wow. He drops his face into his hands and groans.

“Sorry, hyung,” he mumbles. “I’m kinda drunk and saying nonsense. I should probably―”

“Wait, Gguk,” Jimin interrupts. Suddenly, he’s tugging at Jeongguk’s wrists and making him show his face again. Jeongguk’s cheeks still feel hot and he’s embarrassed, but he lets his eyes meet Jimin’s shyly. “Nevermind, maybe you didn’t mean to say that and I shouldn’t ask you when you’re drunk. I’m sorry. I’ll―”

“No, hyung,” Jeongguk is the one to interrupt this time. His heart is beating so fast in his chest he can barely breathe. Jimin is so close and he’s so concerned and Jeongguk will always love having his attention, even if it’s not entirely the one he wants. “It’s okay. I did mean to say that. I’m just a bit embarrassed about how it came out.”

Jimin stares at him for a long moment, his hands still wrapped around Jeongguk’s wrists, his eyes still showing the same sort of surprise from before.

“I thought you…” Jimin starts, shaking his head softly. He lets go of Jeongguk and reaches up to card his fingers through his hair. “I thought you liked girls.”

Jeongguk frowns. Yes, he likes girls. He also likes guys. Honestly, he likes people. Though, of course, he’s only ever been in love with Jimin.

“I um,” he begins. “Not just girls,” he whispers. “I haven’t been with a guy before, but I know I like guys,” he explains. Because I like you and I like you so much, I can never stop thinking about you , he thinks. Oh, god. His words feel slurred and his brain isn’t working properly and he’s terrified he might say something he most definitely shouldn’t because he doesn’t seem to have a filter right now.

“Since when?” Jimin asks.

That question makes Jeongguk snort because what does that even mean? Was the fact that they made out and basically dry humped each other not proof enough that he’s into guys? His reaction makes Jimin give him a funny look and Jeongguk quickly rushes out to reply.

“What do you mean , since when?” He shoots back. “Since always?”

Jimin opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything. He closes it again and then his lips part once more, but again nothing comes out. For some reason, it makes Jeongguk a little bit angry. Because yes, they agreed to never talk about what happened again and that it was just a small mistake they made, but that doesn’t mean it actually didn’t happen. It did happen. Jeongguk was so into it he was thinking about it for days. And Jimin is asking since when he likes guys? It’s been there this whole time.

“I’m confused,” Jimin mumbles, shaking his head.

Jeongguk closes his hands in fists. For some reason, those words make him lose whatever filter he had left after downing all of that soju.

“Are you serious, Jimin?” He asks, dropping the honorifics without even realizing it. He doesn’t stop even though Jimin’s eyes widen slightly and his expression changes from confusion to surprise. “I’ve always liked guys. Didn’t that night we spent together make that clear?” The mention of that night makes Jimin’s expression change again. He seems panicked, almost scared. It only spurs Jeongguk on. “Oh, but that’s right. What happened didn’t mean anything to you.”

As soon as he says the words, it’s as if a weight has been pulled off his chest. After that one time they spoke about it, they never did again and Jeongguk has always felt like there was more he could have said―yet his fear and worry of losing Jimin held him back. And yet, right now, his drunk self has no filter and he can’t help that there are so many things he wants to say.

“It didn’t mean anything to you at all,” he murmurs, his heart aching again.

He can’t stay to see Jimin’s reaction, much less to hear whatever he might say in response. Maybe remind him that it’s something they agreed to never mention again. Maybe remind him that it really didn’t mean anything to him. Either way, Jeongguk suddenly feels exhausted and sad and he wants to go to sleep so he can wake up tomorrow to hopefully have forgotten everything that’s happened tonight.

So, he turns around and heads straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind himself and releasing a shaky breath. It feels like he’s gone through so many emotions in the span of a couple of hours. There was hope, then disappointment and sadness, then happiness and now pain. It’s all too much and he sniffles, trying to keep the tears in check.

He shouldn’t have drank so much soju. In his attempt at being happy for Jimin, he went far too overboard and now all of this has happened, all of those things have been said and there’s probably no turning back. He lets his head hang between his shoulders as he places his hands on the marble sink and sniffles again, closing his eyes in hopes of keeping the tears in.

But then the door opens and Jeongguk tenses. He shakes his head.

“Hyung, please,” he murmurs. “I can’t―” he tries, but closes his mouth because he suddenly can’t speak.

“It’s okay, Gguk-ah,” Jimin says softly. His hand falls to Jeongguk’s back and rubs comfortingly, the other one reaching for his hand and coaxing him to turn around. “We’ve had a lot to drink and everything feels overwhelming right now. We can talk more tomorrow, okay? Let me take you to bed.”

Jeongguk swallows down the lump in his throat and turns to face Jimin. For a second, their eyes meet and they stay as they are, just looking at each other. And then Jeongguk steps forward and drops his forehead to Jimin’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him tightly. It feels like Jimin is slipping in between his fingers and like he’s going to finally lose him the way he’s always feared. So, Jeongguk is terrified of letting go.

“M’sorry,” he murmurs against the crook of Jimin’s neck, squeezing his arms tighter around him and nuzzling into his skin. He’s so warm and so soft and Jeongguk misses him so much. Being together has been so difficult lately.

“I’m sorry too,” Jimin whispers. “I’m so sorry, Jeongguk-ah.”

They stay there for a long while, holding onto each other. Jimin’s hands are a comforting weight against his back, rubbing up and down, keeping him grounded. Until Jeongguk starts to feel sleepy and Jimin suggests again that they should go to sleep.

This time, he lets himself be taken to the bed by Jimin. He asks Jimin why he’s trying to get him naked when he starts to take his pants off and then he promptly rolls onto his side and falls asleep.

∞

BEFORE

Jeongguk has been a bit out of it ever since what happened between him and Jimin. It’s as if he can’t stop thinking about it and reliving it in his head. The way Jimin felt against him, the way his lips moved against his, the way it felt to let go and get lost in him. His heart aches.

That night, he’d gone to sleep thinking that he’d get to spend days on end touching Jimin and experiencing all sorts of feelings with him, only to wake up and have his dreams crushed. He’d thought Jimin felt the same way, that he wanted more with Jeongguk the same way he did. But he’d been so wrong. And then it was as if everything came tumbling down around him.

Too many things happened all at once in the span of a week and it made Jeongguk question everything he’s been doing.

He’s so lost in thought he misses the start of the choreo and does the first move at a different time than the guys. Hoseok, being the dancer that he is, notices right away and lifts his hand to stop the music. They’ve all been on edge because of all the activities they have lined up, so it’s no surprise that Hoseok looks stressed out with how much Jeongguk is fucking up their dance practice―he’s been messing up ever since they started. He doesn’t say anything, though. He takes a deep breath and places his hands on his hips.

“Let’s take a break,” he suggests. “We’ll continue in ten minutes.”

Everybody relaxes and separates to rest up, nobody seeming keen on going on with dancing. Tours are always difficult to keep up with and they’re all tired. There’s not much left before they can go back to Seoul and rest for a few weeks before working on the new album, but it’s proving to be difficult to keep up with the busy schedule.

Jeongguk heads towards a corner of the dance room and drops down with his back against the wall. He’s breathless, but it feels as if it’s not just because of all the dancing. He’s felt short of breath ever since he and Jimin talked.

‘It was just a drunken mistake, Jeongguk-ah. It doesn’t mean anything, so we can pretend it never happened, yeah?’

That’s what Jimin had said. And Jeongguk’s heart had ached, but Jimin’s expression was enough for Jeongguk to realize that he really believed it was a mistake, something that wasn’t meant to happen between them. And as much as it hurt Jeongguk to know that Jimin didn’t feel the same way as him, all he’s ever wanted is for Jimin to be happy. And if that means staying as friends and pretending that night never happened, then he’s okay with doing so.

If only it were easy to keep his thoughts focused. He might be decided, but he can’t control the rest of it, the sadness and the craving for what they shared, the desire to spend time with Jimin and step over the line again. The thing is, even though they agreed to pretend it never happened and continue on as they’d always been, it hasn’t really been that way.

They’ve drifted apart. Maybe because it’s strange, or awkward or just…different. Either way, they haven’t been spending time together and yes, Jeongguk hasn’t been trying, but Jimin hasn’t either. They’ve both just been in their own world, busy with other things―or rather, focusing on other things to ignore everything else.

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong, Jeongguk-ah?” Namjoon asks, suddenly dropping beside him.

Jeongguk had been so lost in thought he hadn’t even realized that he was approaching. He clears his throat and shrugs.

“I’m just tired,” he lies, looking down at his lap and playing with his fingers.

It’s not really that big of a lie. Tiredness has been clinging to his limbs for days now and he knows they won’t get any rest until they get back to Seoul.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you and Jimin haven’t been speaking lately.”

Jeongguk’s heart jumps. Is it that obvious that he’s keeping to himself? And if Namjoon has noticed, does Jimin think so too? His eyes quickly move to where Jimin is. He’s talking with Taehyung and Hoseok, seemingly telling them something related to the choreography, considering the way he’s moving his arms.

“Jeongguk-ah?” Namjoon asks and only then does Jeongguk realize he hadn’t replied.

He clears his throat. “Everything is fine, hyung,” he promises. This isn’t something he can even talk about with Namjoon because he agreed with Jimin that they’d put it behind them and more so because of what he now knows. “Really, I’ve just been tired. And we’re all so busy. Jimin hyung and I are fine.”

Namjoon gives him a look that lets Jeongguk know he doesn’t really believe him, but the seven of them have never been the kind to press until the other spoke about whatever might be bothering them. They let each other open up when they’re ready. So, Namjoon doesn’t press.

“Well,” he concedes. “Whenever you are ready to talk about it, you know where to find me.”

Jeongguk smiles to himself, despite it all. Namjoon never presses, but he does make sure to give Jeongguk several openings to speak up about whatever it is that’s bothering him. Not this time, though. Jeongguk just can’t talk about it―especially after what their manager told him.

The manager had told Jeongguk that Jimin had mentioned being uncomfortable and considering taking a break from Bangtan, maybe even quitting. Of course, this had come as a shock to Jeongguk because he and Jimin have always been open to each other. The fact that this was since after the night they spent together made him wonder if maybe he’d been incredibly wrong about everything .

Whatever hope he’d had that Jimin might feel something for him had gone down the drain because if Jimin was uncomfortable with, according to what the manager said, all the closeness they had to make sure to show on camera―and that had inevitably become a thing off camera as well, then it meant that Jimin didn’t like Jeongguk touching him too much.

That somehow hurt as much as being rejected by Jimin the following morning because they’d always been so genuinely close. Jimin always reached out and it took Jeongguk a while to get there but he also did reach out. He’d touch Jimin faintly to ground himself whenever he was overwhelmed, or just because he wanted to. And suddenly knowing that Jimin didn’t precisely like that made his world collapse on itself.

It’s the reason he’s so freaking distracted lately. That and the fact that he and Jimin really haven’t been talking. It only further confirms what Jeongguk now knows. They might be best friends, but that doesn’t mean Jimin is necessarily comfortable with them being so touchy with each other.

“Hey,” Namjoon’s voice brings him back to the present. He’s standing now and he ruffles Jeongguk’s hair with a reassuring smile. “Come on, Hobi is calling us.”

Right, they were just taking a break.

As soon as they start practicing again, Jeongguk becomes aware of the cameras all over again. They’re constantly surrounding them, unless they have a free schedule or free time to do as they please. Growing used to them wasn’t easy, but there were times when Jeongguk could pretend they weren’t there and even forgot about them. Not anymore, though.

Now, he’s all too conscious of their presence following them around.

It remains that way for another couple of weeks. The more Jeongguk tries to focus, the more he struggles and the more distracted he is. He and Jimin have been talking just as little as they have since the night they shared together. A small ‘hi, Jimin hyung’ here, a ‘hi, Jeongguk-ah’ there. And that’s about it.

Jeongguk’s heart aches. He misses Jimin so much, he’s not sure he can keep up with this. He’s messing up the choreographies, he’s struggling to perform properly. He’s seen their fans on social media talking about how he seems out of it lately―some have even noticed that he and Jimin aren’t close to each other the way they normally are.

Normally, Jeongguk gravitates towards Jimin without even realizing it. These days, he makes sure to not let his body move on its own in any way. Otherwise, he might end up doing exactly what he’s been trying to avoid.

But being so hyper-focused on not stepping out of line has made him lose his focus on everything else that matters. The hopeful part of him hoped that he’d eventually move past it but being patient is proving to be all too difficult. And in the end, it becomes so frustrating, he breaks down.

He hadn’t really noticed it all piling up in his chest and making it hard to breathe. It happens when they’re in the middle of practice. It’s late and they’re finishing up a very long and exhausting day. And Jeongguk messes up, the same way he’s been doing so for the past few days. Nobody bats an eye, it’s the smallest of mistakes, goes unnoticed. But Jeongguk knows . And it makes him stop moving. Everybody else does then.

And suddenly, this overwhelming urge to cry takes over him. Tears crowd up in his eyes and fall before he can stop them. He bolts almost immediately, but he knows everybody has seen already. It doesn’t matter. He’ll sleep it off and tomorrow he’ll pretend nothing happened and it will be fine.

He doesn’t stop moving until he’s back in their shared dorm and he slips into the room he shares with Taehyung before locking the door. He’s not one to storm off like that, but he’s too busy trying to stop crying to actually care about the consequences he might have to face.

It hasn’t even been a minute before he hears a knock against the door. It startles him and he looks up towards the door, wondering if he’s imagined it. But then the knock comes again and a familiar voice makes its way through the wood.

“Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin says, gentle and warm and Jeongguk closes his eyes, tears streaming down his face again.

He hadn’t realized how desperately he was holding himself together and in doing so, he piled up all of these emotions that just needed to burst out.

“I’ll be out in a minute, hyung,” he replies, hoping his voice isn’t as shaky as it feels.

“Let me in, Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin pleads, ignoring his response. “Please?”

Jeongguk stands up and heads to the door without really pausing to think about it. It’s been weeks since he and Jimin have been alone and have been able to talk and, honestly, when he has problems like this one, that feel so big and so difficult to deal with, it’s usually Jimin who he goes to. So not having him to talk to has been devastating.

And now he’s here and Jeongguk just wants to be selfish for a little bit. Only a moment.

When he unlocks the door, Jimin is quick to slip inside and close it again, locking it once more and reaching for Jeongguk’s hand.

“Come here,” he murmurs, tugging at him towards the bed. They sit side by side and Jimin doesn’t let go of Jeongguk’s hand as he talks again. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry, Jeongguk-ah.” Jeongguk lifts his head and their eyes meet. Jimin’s gaze is full of sadness, eyes glazed over by unshed tears. Jeongguk is so shocked by his words that he doesn’t know what to say at first. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out and Jimin gives him a small smile, as if he understands. “After we talked, we said we’d go back to the way we’ve always been, but we haven’t. And I feel like that’s my fault, you know? I should have reached out more, I should have tried my best to make sure things weren’t awkward between us. I’m the hyung, I should have made a bigger effort. So, I’m sorry, Jeongguk-ah.” His fingers intertwine with Jeongguk’s and squeeze tightly, as if he’s trying to show him what he means. “You’re my best friend,” he says softly. “These weeks have been horrible without you and I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you too. So, yes, I’m sorry. I really am, Jeongguk-ah.”

Jeongguk processes the words slowly. When he heard Jimin’s voice through the door, he didn’t expect him to be here to say that he was sorry. He thought maybe it would be a chance for them to make up and actually go back to the way things were before, he thought maybe they’d get to talk and figure things out. But hearing Jimin apologize makes it hard to think.

“No, I’m―” he starts, shaking his head. His voice sounds too shaky and vulnerable and he has to take a deep breath in order to speak properly. “ I’m sorry, hyung. I made things weird. I just didn’t know―I haven’t been making a big enough effort either. And I’ve been so distracted, I keep messing everything up and―”

“Hey,” Jimin interrupts, placing his other hand on Jeongguk’s thigh. “Maybe neither of us has been making enough of an effort,” he states with a shrug. “Either way, we should have been talking more. We said we’d go back to the way things had always been between us. Let’s try to do that, yeah? I just don’t―I said I haven’t been making enough of an effort because I’ve seen that you weren’t okay and I was too…scared to reach out. And I shouldn’t have been. That’s why I’m sorry.”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “Why were you scared, hyung? You never have to be scared with me. You’re my best friend too.” This time, it’s him who squeezes Jimin’s hand in a reassuring way. “And I’ve seen that you haven’t been all that well either,” he adds. “I didn’t reach out because I was worried I might make you uncomfortable in some way.”

Jimin’s eyebrows furrow.

“You’ve never made me uncomfortable,” he quickly replies. “Don’t ever think that, Jeongguk-ah. If anything, you always make everything better. So, please, don’t think that. You can also reach out to me, no matter what.”

The weight in Jeongguk’s chest slowly lifts. All of his fears and all of the emotions that have been building up in him are finally being let go and he can breathe again. Maybe their manager misunderstood and Jimin wasn’t referring to Jeongguk specifically. Maybe he was just talking about the level of skinship they had to share with each other altogether. Even though the seven of them care about each other, they’re not all touchy and happy about skinship. Still, it’s something unspoken that they’ve all known they have to do every once in a while. So, maybe that’s what Jimin was bothered with.

Jeongguk makes a mental note to ask the manager, just in case.

He turns his body towards Jimin, relief already filling his heart. He lets go of Jimin’s hand and wraps his arms around him in a tight hug. Jimin hugs him back, his hands splaying out over Jeongguk’s shoulder blades. It feels good to be held by Jimin again after all these weeks of misunderstandings and not speaking to each other, of overthinking every little thing and being scared about doing something that he shouldn’t.

“I’ve missed you so much, hyung,” Jeongguk mumbles, burrowing his face into Jimin’s neck. “I never want us to fight again.”

“We weren’t fighting,” Jimin replies, his chin hooking over Jeongguk’s shoulder. His breath fans over Jeongguk’s ear as he speaks and Jeongguk wishes he wasn’t so conscious about it. “We were just being stupid.”

That makes Jeongguk laugh and he squeezes his arms tighter around Jimin, glad that he can do it again, glad that he can enjoy the warmth of Jimin’s body against his and the way his arms feel wrapped tightly around him. There was a part of him that was terrified about the possibility of never getting to have Jimin in this way, as the one person he knows he can always reach out to. So, he’s glad that it’s not the case―even if it means he’ll never be able to have Jimin in the way he hoped he would, as someone to love and cherish and to be loved and cherished by.

“I’ve missed you too, Gguk,” Jimin whispers. “Can we promise not to let anything get in the way of our friendship again?” He asks softly. “You mean so much to me, Jeongguk-ah. You ground me and you take away all the worries. These weeks have been hell without you.”

Jeongguk’s heart hurts a little upon Jimin’s question, but he pushes the feeling away and instead focuses on the feeling of Jimin’s hands rubbing up and down his back in that usual comforting way.

“I promise,” he whispers. “You ground me too, hyung,” he confesses. “You mean everything to me.”

It’s as much as he can say without actually confessing what he feels and it’s enough. Maybe at some point in life it won’t be, but for now, it has to be. And that’s okay. Because everything finally feels right again and it’s what Jeongguk needed.

“I promise too,” Jimin whispers, a soft sigh leaving his lips and his body finally relaxing against Jeongguk’s.

Talking to Jimin has always been easy and Jeongguk should have known that they could have fixed this a long time ago had he gone looking for him―or if Jimin had come looking for him sooner. But what’s done is done and now they’re here and everything is good in the world again.

So, Jeongguk is happy.

They stay like that for a bit too long, but that doesn’t matter either because Jeongguk isn’t ready to let go yet and he’s glad Jimin isn’t ready either.

∞

Leading up to their Manila concert, things start to go wrong again.

After their conversation, Jimin really thought things would go back to being the way they’d always been. The night they shared together was the biggest mistake he’s ever made. He’d had alcohol, yes and maybe that’s why he felt so brave, but kissing Jeongguk, getting lost in him, it’s something he never should have done.

Just thinking about how shocked Jeongguk must have been when he woke up and remembered is enough to make him anxious. Even if they talked about it the next morning and agreed to pretend it never happened, to just move on and go back to being friends like they always have been, the memory of it continued to haunt Jimin.

And it was weird at first. They weren’t talking like they used to, they weren’t spending time together like they used to. Nothing was like it used to be. And Jimin was terrified he’d forever ruined his friendship with Jeongguk just because he couldn’t hold back his feelings when having alcohol in his system.

So, when they talked and solved things, Jimin was hopeful everything would actually go back to how it used to be.

After everything, though, things changed a bit for him too. It’s the reason he decided to tell the whole group that he likes guys. Jeongguk clearly already knew and even though the reasons he did made Jimin a bit sad, he realized that he wanted the rest of the guys to know, too. They were all his closest friends and he knew they’d be accepting of it. And they were.

So Jimin has been a bit more free to do as he pleases without having to hide it.

Because he knows he’ll never be able to be in a relationship with Jeongguk and his feelings for him have just continued to grow and grow, especially since that night they spent together that he can’t stop thinking about, he’s just found himself convenient sex partners to hopefully put everything behind him and move on.

Of course, even if he’s sleeping with other people, his feelings for Jeongguk are still there.

They haunt him, they follow him around. And as much as he knows he’d maybe have to be very far away from Jeongguk in order to forget about him, there is no universe in which he’d do that. Because Jeongguk is also his best friend, the person he trusts the most, the person who understands him the most. And letting him go, however selfish and painful it might be, is not something he’s willing to do.

Although, Jeongguk has been acting so weird lately. This time, Jimin is trying. He really is. They were fine for a while, ignored what had happened and went back to how things had always been. But now Jeongguk is the one acting strange and Jimin is the only one trying.

Jeongguk’s birthday was two days ago. And Jimin, being his usual self, posted three times for him wishing him happy birthday. They had a good time all seven of them at the dorm as they celebrated, though they kept it short because they had their Manila concert coming up and their schedule was going to be packed.

Then yesterday, Jeongguk uploaded a song recommendation on twitter. One that made something in Jimin’s heart twist. Thing is, for a while, he’s known Jeongguk has been…seeing other people too. And seeing him post that made him wonder if maybe he’d found someone he liked or wanted to love. And it hurt like hell. Because the idea of Jeongguk loving someone else was something he’d never paused to think about, something he’d never considered.

Jimin didn’t get much sleep yesterday, to say the least.

Thing is, both of them have been avoiding each other throughout the day. During the press conference earlier, Jeongguk was looking at him intently, as if trying to catch his attention, but Jimin didn't want to look back. He’s hurt and maybe he’s acting childishly because Jeongguk has absolutely no idea why he’s behaving this way, but he can’t help it.

And, anyway, Jeongguk has been behaving like that too for a while.

God, Jimin is so pissed he messed up so bad. He’s scared everything has seriously been ruined between them forever.

“Hey,” Taehyung calls out, patting his back. “I know you’ve been kind of out of it these past couple of weeks and I’ve given you space, but you know you can talk to me, right?” He asks. “Whatever is bothering you or making you look so sad, you can tell me, Jimin-ah.”

Jimin clears his throat. Taehyung might also be someone he’s very close with. But he’s never told him what he feels for Jeongguk. He’s never told anyone, actually. Because voicing it out only makes it more real and as much as he knows he’s already fallen very deeply for Jeongguk, he wants to hold on to the small sliver of hope for a little bit longer. Maybe there’s still a chance he can salvage everything and move on.

“I’m just nervous about tonight’s concert,” he replies. “We haven’t had a rest in a while, so it’s all kind of piling up, you know?”

Taehyung hums. “I know, but still. There’s something else bothering you. Is it maybe…someone?” His question makes Jimin’s heart jump. Has he somehow noticed? Does that mean the other might have noticed too? Has Jeongguk figured it out? “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you sneaking out frequently at night, Jimin-ah,” Taehyung adds, teasing and poking his side. “If this someone is making you struggle, he’s not worth it.”

But Taehyung doesn’t know that that someone is Jeongguk and yes, he’s most definitely worth it. Because even if Jimin is in love with Jeongguk, he also very much loves him and always wants his happiness.

“I’m okay,” he assures. “Really. I’m just finding it hard to balance out everything we have to do lately. You know it gets hard every once in a while.”

Taehyung gives him a look that lets Jimin know he doesn’t really believe him. But he relents, nodding slowly and leans in to place a kiss on the top of his head.

“I do know,” he replies. “But I also know that talking makes things easier sometimes,” he tells him. “So, come talk to me whenever you want to, okay?”

Jimin gives him a smile. “Thank you, Tae.”

Taehyung hums and suddenly hugs him tightly, arms squeezing around him. Jimin hugs him back tightly and burrows his face in his neck, giving himself a moment to breathe. He’s been so busy stressing out over everything happening with Jeongguk that he hasn’t let himself be held for even a small moment. And it feels nice, relaxing and calming. It soothes the ache in his heart and makes it easier to breathe.

“Guys, it’s almost time!” Someone exclaims and suddenly, everyone is on the move.

Concert nights are a rush of excitement, a blur of things that go by so quickly Jimin can never fully grasp them. It’s become second nature to them and even though they still make mistakes sometimes, performing has become a bit less like a job and a bit more like a moment to relieve whatever stress they accumulate over time.

Even if touring is the most exhausting thing in the world.

This time, though, the concert becomes tainted with all of the emotions Jimin is keeping in. He tries to be okay, really. But Jeongguk is so close by and they’re not talking and even though he’s once again making an effort to make things better, Jeongguk isn’t having it tonight. This tug and pull between them is driving Jimin mad.

Jeongguk doesn’t wait for him after the concert is over. He drives back to the hotel before Jimin is even done changing into something more comfortable. For some reason, that’s what makes Jimin snap. The short drive back to the hotel is not enough time for him to settle down and he finds himself stalking towards Jeongguk’s hotel room before he can even stop himself or pause to collect his thoughts.

Thing is, he’s also desperate. He’s desperate to salvage their friendship because losing Jeongguk is something that would break him, even more than it breaks him every day to know that he’ll never be able to have him the way he wishes he could.

He knocks on the door in a hurry and as soon as Jeongguk opens it, he rushes inside, closing it behind him. He leans back against it, trapped between it and Jeongguk. The younger one stares at him with slightly wide eyes and parted lips and Jimin’s brain is a traitor because it instantly brings back images of the night they shared together months ago. He has the feeling of Jeongguk’s lips engraved in his head and he’ll never be able to let it go.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” Jeongguk asks, finally seeming to snap out of his stupor. He clears his throat and steps back, already turning. “I was just about to go to sleep. I’m really tired, so―”

“What is your problem?” Jimin interrupts, reaching out for him and circling his wrist with his fingers. “I thought we agreed that everything would go back to how it’s always been. Everything was fine for a while, why are you suddenly acting like this again?”

“ Me? ” Jeongguk asks, turning around and tugging his wrist out of Jimin’s hand. “You’re the one that doesn’t spend time with me anymore, hyung!” He exclaims. “You’re always with someone else. The guys, your other friends and whoever you’re sleeping with. It’s always them but never me,” he exhales, his expression filling with hurt.

Jimin opens his mouth, but doesn’t immediately speak. He wasn’t expecting Jeongguk to say that and, truthfully, Jimin hadn’t realized that he, in fact, had been keeping to himself more. With Jeongguk voicing it out, Jimin finds that it’s true. He usually slips into Jeongguk’s bed every once in a while to cuddle and he’s been finding Jeongguk on his bed whenever he came back in the middle of the night.

But has it really been that much? They still have been seeing each other. They’ve been eating together, talking and it’s not like Jimin leaves every single night.

“That’s not fair,” he says, shaking his head. “Yes, I’ve been going out more. But we’ve been spending time together, don’t say we haven’t.”

Jeongguk’s expression changes. His shoulders drop and he covers his face with his hands.

“I know,” he murmurs. “I know, I just―I don’t know, hyung. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you, worried I might do something that I shouldn’t, worried that―” he stops and shakes his head, dropping his hands and finally looking at Jimin again. “I just don’t know how to go back to how things used to be. I’m trying, but I―”

“But we can,” Jimin pleads, reaching out for him and holding onto his wrists. “We can, Jeongguk-ah. I’m still me and you’re still you. Nothing has to change,” he says, shaking his head. It can’t be. It can’t be that he’s ruined his friendship with Jeongguk forever. He’ll never forgive himself. He’ll never be able to be fine. “I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to be unsure around you. I want to be able to reach out the way I always have and I want you to be able to do that, too. I just―tell me how to fix it. Tell me, Jeongguk-ah.”

Jeongguk shakes his head and gently pulls his hands back. He reaches up and cards his fingers through his hair, keeping his head low.

“There’s nothing to fix, hyung,” he whispers. “It’s just hard for me to…” he trails off, shaking his head again.

And something breaks in Jimin’s heart because it feels like Jeongguk is letting him go. Like Jeongguk is telling him that they’ll never go back to the way things were and that they’ll never be best friends again. And Jimin panics. Fear takes over his senses. Pain makes him act in a rush.

“Jeongguk,” he exhales, reaching for Jeongguk’s cheeks. Jeongguk’s eyes widen and Jimin’s heart is about to jump out of his chest, but he doesn’t care. Because he can feel Jeongguk slipping through his fingers and it’s a far too painful thing. “I can’t lose you,” he murmurs, tears filling his eyes. “I know I―” he starts, but shakes his head. “You’re my best friend. I know things might feel different now, but I know we can go back to how it used to be. Please, Jeongguk-ah. Please ?”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk exhales, hands reaching up, falling to Jimin’s forearms.

“ Please ,” Jimin insists, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk’s shoulders because he’s suddenly terrified he might pull away again.

“Don’t cry, hyung,” Jeongguk whispers, arms wrapping around Jimin tightly, hands splaying out over his back and rubbing comfortingly. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, fingers slipping into Jimin’s hair, holding him close. “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel this way. I just miss you so much and I’m being fucking childish, but I can’t help it,” he explains, keeping his voice low, but it’s shaky and full of emotion and Jimin can tell that he’s on the verge of crying too. “I’m terrified of losing you, hyung. And I miss you all the time and I wish you’d spend time only with me. Just me. Only me, hyung,” he pleads. And then, almost as if he regrets what he just said, he adds, “m’sorry. Sorry, I―”

“You’re not losing me,” Jimin interrupts, leaning back and searching for Jeongguk’s eyes. Sure enough, there are tears collecting in the corners of Jeongguk’s eyes, desperate to fall, though he’s seeming to try his best to keep them at bay. “And I’m sorry you’ve felt like I’m not spending much time with you. I just want us to be okay. I want to know that I haven’t lost you in some way, that I didn’t fuck everything up.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says, cupping his cheeks now and making Jimin look into his eyes. “You haven’t lost me either. You never will. No matter what. Because I―” he starts, though he stops. He stares into Jimin’s eyes for a long moment, thumbs brushing back and forth over his cheekbones. “Because I love you. And all I ever want is for you to be happy. So, I will be here with you forever. Until you get bored of me and don’t want me anymore. I promise, hyung. I promise.”

It’s the first time Jeongguk is telling him this. In theory, Jimin has always known. The same way he knows the rest of the guys also love him. The same way he loves Jeongguk and the guys, too. It’s just that, hearing Jeongguk say it out loud, all while staring into his eyes and seeming close to crying―it’s a lot. It makes Jimin’s heart start beating faster and it makes him feel breathless and it’s only when Jeongguk’s expression falls that he realizes he hasn’t responded.

“I love you too,” he exhales, swallowing down the lump in his throat. “And I could never get bored of you or not want you anymore. I want you always, Jeongguk-ah. I promise too. I promise I’ll be here too, no matter what.”

Jeongguk’s gaze softens and his hands slide down to the sides of Jimin’s neck, moving down his back until his arms are wrapped tightly around Jimin again. Only then does he lean in and place a kiss to Jimin’s shoulder before burrowing his face into his neck. He’s warm and familiar and soothing. Jimin melts into him, arms wrapping around his middle and fingers fisting the back of his shirt.

It feels like it’s been too long since they last hugged. It feels like it’s been too long since they got to share a moment of peace like this. Maybe it just feels that way because it’s Jeongguk and things with him have always felt intense. Either way, Jimin doesn’t want to ever let go. He finally feels complete again. He finally feels like he can breathe again.

“Jeongguk-ah,” he mumbles against the fabric of Jeongguk’s shirt. “I thought you hated me,” he confesses. “I thought―”

“Shh,” Jeongguk hushes him, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I could never hate you, hyung.” Jimin doesn’t speak up again because he feels like the tears he’s been struggling to keep in are seconds away from falling and he wants to settle down, not dive deeper into the pain he’s been feeling. Jeongguk is here, touching him, holding him and that’s enough. Everything will be okay as long as Jimin has this. “Can you stay with me tonight?” Jeongguk asks softly, cheek pressing to the side of Jimin’s head. He’s been growing lately, slowly getting taller than him. “I don’t want to be without you,” he confesses.

Jimin doesn’t need to be asked twice. He was planning on staying, anyway. He doesn’t want to be without Jeongguk either.

“Yeah,” he whispers, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to breathe calmly. “I don’t want to be without you either.” He squeezes his arms tighter around Jeongguk in an attempt to remind himself that he’ll only have to let go for a short moment. “I just have to go get my things and―”

“I’ll get them,” Jeongguk interrupts. “I already showered, so why don’t you shower while I get your things?”

Jimin nods and even though it takes them another long while to actually start moving, he doesn’t mind it one bit. It becomes difficult to let go, but soon, they pull back and give each other shy looks. Jeongguk smiles and reaches for Jimin’s hand, pulling it up to the top of his head. Jimin plays with the soft, damp strands with a smile on his lips. This is familiar. This is how they’ve always been.

Maybe Jimin has been trying so hard lately to keep his feelings at bay in fear of letting them show that he’s forgotten that he and Jeongguk have always been close, anyway. Closer than people seem to understand.

“Don’t take too long,” Jimin whispers, dropping his hand even though it’s difficult to let go of Jeongguk.

“ You don’t take too long,” Jeongguk shoots back, stepping aside. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Jimin watches him go with his heart beating wildly in his chest and still feeling breathless. But he feels comforted now. He feels better, less scared, less worried.

He heads towards the bathroom to shower and when he emerges, he finds that Jeongguk has already left sleeping clothes on the toilet lid for him. When he steps out of the bathroom, he finds that Jeongguk is already in bed and under the covers, just laying there waiting for him. He lifts the sheets and pats the bed when Jimin comes out.

Jimin goes, almost as if pulled by a magnet towards Jeongguk. He slips into place beside him and the covers are quickly settled over him. An arm wraps around his hips, pulling him closer. Jeongguk slides downwards, face pressing to Jimin’s chest as he holds onto him tightly. Jimin loves the feeling.

Nothing will ever compare to how it is to be in Jeongguk’s arms like this, to feel him purposefully trying to make himself small so that Jimin can hold him too. He wraps his arm around Jeongguk’s shoulders, placing his fingers on his nape and sliding them up into his hair. Jeongguk shudders and though he doesn’t speak, Jimin can tell that he’s trying to thank him in a way, squeezing his arm tighter around him, pressing his face deeper into his chest.

If anything, Jimin should be the one thanking him. He’s taken away the dread and anxiousness Jimin’s been feeling and he’s giving him the comfort he’s needed so badly these past few days.

He’s the love of Jimin’s life. And even though it hurts like hell, Jimin has decided to stay beside him forever, no matter what. Until Jeongguk inevitably falls in love with someone else and Jimin finally loses him for real.

∞

NOW

When Jeongguk starts to rouse, everything feels kind of blurred. There’s a light throbbing in his temples and his limbs feel heavy. As his eyes open and he notices where he is, memories of yesterday start coming back to him. There are dark spaces in between the memories, but he does remember that Jimin told him that he’s dating someone now and just like yesterday, it makes his heart ache.

He definitely went overboard, though. Drinking so much, being so ‘happy’ about Jimin’s happiness. Yes, he is. If Jimin is happy, then Jeongguk is too. But he’s also pretty much devastated and it feels like the world is crumbling down around him.

Jeongguk feels so mocked by the universe. It’s like he’s given hope and then he’s brought back down with such force that he’s not sure he’ll be able to get back up. This definitely tops everything that Jeongguk has felt. Because now, Jimin is actually with someone who could become the person he loves, the person he marries. Oh, god. He closes his eyes again because he doesn’t want to fucking wake up.

But then he remembers that he’s in a hotel room where Jimin is supposed to be too and his eyes snap back open. A quick look around lets him know that he’s alone. He turns his head to the side and groans when it hurts a little, but Jimin isn’t there either. He relaxes a little bit and tries to wrack his brain to remember all the events from last night because, even if he knows the main premise of it all, he doesn’t remember absolutely everything.

As he sits up to try and feel a bit more alive, he scrunches his nose because the throbbing sensation grows in his temples. He looks to his right towards the nightstand and finds that there’s a pill there, as well as a small note and a glass of water.

The note reads, went for a morning run, I’ll be back soon.

Jeongguk isn’t sure of what time it is, and he’s not sure if maybe Jimin is already coming back. Did he say something yesterday? Anything that might have let Jimin know what he feels? What if he did? What if that’s why Jimin left early? Maybe he doesn’t want to see Jeongguk anymore.

He drops his face into his hands and sighs. No matter how much he tries, he never seems to do things right with Jimin. He fucks up half the time and can never seem to keep his feelings in check.

Shaking his head, he reaches for the pill and downs it with the water. There’s also food ready for him on the table, he notices. Maybe Jimin didn’t leave because he doesn’t want to see him anymore. Honestly, Jeongguk can’t remember much just yet. He has bits and pieces of their conversation, but he’s worried he’s forgetting the important stuff.

It’s a matter of time before the headache disappears, so he stands up despite the protests of his body and heads to the table. He plops down and eats. Fortunately, whenever he drinks, he doesn’t really feel sick the next morning, he just has a headache that fades away after taking a pill―something that Jimin obviously knows.

In between munching on his food, he searches for his phone and taps on the screen. It’s a bit past eleven. He knows they have a small shoot at 1 p.m. and he and Jimin are supposed to meet with the filming team.

He should use this moment alone to get ready and to hopefully avoid Jimin for a little bit longer because, truthfully, he’s dreading the moment he has to face him again. Especially when he doesn’t remember everything that went down last night.

Thinking about it, though, does remind him of Jimin’s new dating status and it makes his heart ache all over again. He finishes his food as quickly as he can, grabs his duffel bag and heads straight to the bathroom for a long bath that will hopefully wash away last night and all the sadness he feels.

He needs some time to himself and a moment to let everything sink in.

Jeongguk turns the water stream on to fill the jet tub and undresses and stares at himself in the mirror as he waits. How did it come to this? How has it been years of pining over Jimin and never being able to have him in his life the way he’s wanted? Always scared of ruining their friendship, that stupid manager’s words floating in his head far too often.

Even though he was kicked out of his job a long while ago, his words have remained—a permanent reminder to Jeongguk that he can never have Jimin because Jimin doesn’t feel a single thing for him. He sniffles and brushes his fingers under his eyes to collect the few tears that have spilled.

He’s fine. He just needs a moment of relaxation, a moment to himself and he’ll be as good as new. Like always.

Once the tub is half-full, he steps inside and sits down in the hot water. It’s a bit too hot, but he doesn’t mind it. The warmth is nice against his tired limbs. He settles comfortably with his head leaning against the edge of the tub and closes his eyes. It’s a nice feeling. The tub is big enough it could fit him and Jimin inside and he can stretch his legs ahead of himself without much trouble.

It doesn’t take long for the tub to fill. And when it does, he turns off the water stream and reaches for a bath bomb inside his bag. He places it in the water and leans back against the edge again, closing his eyes and allowing himself to relax.

His thoughts don’t let him, though. They take him back to last night and slowly, he starts to piece together the things that were said. It’s as if they all flash through him bit by bit. Him telling Jimin he wanted to lose his gay virginity, telling Jimin that the night they spent together meant nothing to him. He covers his face with his hands and groans.

“Oh my god, I fucked up,” he mumbles.

He basically told Jimin how much it hurt him to know that the night they shared meant nothing to him. And telling him he wanted to lose his gay virginity? Jeongguk has never said that out loud. Granted, he doesn’t talk about his sexuality much, but he also doesn’t usually think of it in that way.

Jeongguk has been in love with Jimin for so long and over the past years, even if subconsciously, all he’s done is try to do the things that he knows Jimin likes. When he found out Jimin liked guys, he started paying attention to the things he mentioned liking. He found out Jimin liked guys that were bigger than him, buff. Now, Jeongguk had always loved working out, but he put more of an effort into it after discovering that―he overheard him talking to Taehyung, of course. Jimin didn’t talk about those things much with Jeongguk, only ever mentioned things in passing if Jeongguk asked.

He wanted to look sexier, be more daring. That he did because he liked it, but also because Jimin seemed to become so in awe whenever he saw daring clothes that left more skin on display. It was also partially an attempt to get Jimin to see him in another way. If he liked guys, then maybe he could like Jeongguk, right? He’d been so wrong.

And yet, all of this time, one thing has always remained in his head, a question of sorts that he can’t shake off.

Why did Jimin not stop him the night they made out and got lost in each other?

Yes, Jimin had said it was a mistake. Yet, it felt anything but a mistake when they were together. Moments with Jimin just never feel that way. The way Jimin touched him, said his name, kissed him as if there was nothing in the world he wanted to do more. Did Jeongguk imagine that? That Jimin’s hands were touching him with intent, with conviction?

How can that be?

Even though it’s been so long, he can remember it so vividly. Nobody has touched him like that. Ever. Since Jimin, he only ever slept with girls, though that was during the first year after what happened. He knows it’s mostly because he has feelings for Jimin that he’s never been able to enjoy it fully. 

Until he started to pay attention to other things Jimin said. And yes, most of it he knew from conversations he overheard between Jimin and Taehyung. Things he heard in passing. Jimin complaining about always having to bottom because of his size, for instance.

The thought makes his cheeks heat. He’s seen Jimin naked a handful of times and he knows that he’s big. His curiosity got the best of him―and also his desire to be the perfect man for Jimin. His big collection of toys is proof of that.

His eyes move towards the side, to where his duffle bag is on the floor. He didn’t take all of his things out, so he knows that the box with the two vibratores is still there. The thought of it makes his skin warm further and he shifts under the water, clearing his throat.

Maybe it’s the steam of the water filling the room, or just the thought of Jimin in general that makes him suddenly feel so hot and bothered. Either way, he nibbles on the inside of his cheek and contemplates reaching for the bag. Thing is, he’s so frustrated and sad after last night that the idea of losing himself to pleasure and forgetting about the rest of the world for even just a small moment, is enough to have him leaning over the edge and reaching for the bag.

Placing the box on the small bathtub tray, he reaches for his phone to put on some music, just to ensure that it’ll mask any sound he might make. He doesn’t know when Jimin will be back, but he might as well hurry just in case.

Jeongguk is quick to collect his lube and place everything he needs on the tray table. Once he’s sure he has everything, he turns off the jets of the tub and moves into a better position, hand on the edge of the tub as he reaches behind himself to open himself up for the vibrator. It’s more like a butt plug, but it has a vibrating feature. There’s a part of him that feels a bit embarrassed. When he got the two toys, he was expecting to hopefully use them with Jimin.

God, he had so much hope that things would turn out a certain way. He feels foolish now and it’s frustrating to think about, so he focuses on what he can control right now: pleasure.

It doesn’t take him long to open himself up enough that he can put the purple butt plug inside of himself. When he does, he feels the stretch of his rim around the toy; he drops his head in between his shoulders because it’s an intense feeling and his thoughts inevitably strays to Jimin. It’s all too much.

Once he’s settled the plug perfectly inside of him, he starts to move back into a sitting position and his eyes open. When they do, he wonders if maybe he’s still dreaming because he instantly comes face to face with Jimin. 

His first reaction is to sink back down in the water in a hurry, heart jumping, everything spinning. He’s convinced he’s dreaming, imagining things, maybe his brain trying to supply visual images that are so vivid, they seem real. But Jimin’s expression is surprised, eyes slightly wide, his attention entirely on Jeongguk and Jeongguk can’t breathe .

It’s so second nature for him to not lock the door whenever he’s with Jimin, he didn’t even think that he left the door unlocked when he came inside to bathe. And so, yes. Jimin is standing there, looking at him. The music is still playing and maybe that’s why Jeongguk didn’t even hear him come inside―maybe he even knocked. And he was so focused on what he was doing, trying to forget about the sadness in his heart, that he didn’t even realize Jimin was there.

How long has he been there? How much did he see?

Jeongguk’s cheeks flare as he leans forward in hopes of covering his very obvious erection―not that it matters, considering Jimin might have been there for long enough to see absolutely everything.

He feels so ashamed, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. First yesterday, getting so drunk because he was trying to be happy for Jimin. The things he said. And now this. Jeongguk just can’t catch a break.

∞

Jimin is half expecting to wake up any moment.

He’s trying to process what he just saw, but he’s not doing much of a good job. It’s just that…he never would have expected to see that when coming into the bathroom while Jeongguk was bathing. 

Earlier, he went out for a run because he needed time to think, he needed to clear his head. After getting Jeongguk into bed last night, he called Hajoon without really taking a moment to consider things properly. Jeongguk’s words sat heavily in his mind.

Didn’t that night we spent together make that clear?

What happened didn’t mean anything to you. It didn’t mean anything to you at all.

Jeongguk’s expression had been so sad and his eyes had filled with pain and Jimin’s heart had stopped because everything was happening so fast he didn’t know how to grasp it. All this time, he’d thought Jeongguk was only into girls. Whenever Jeongguk had mentioned going out with people or having one-night-stands, it had been girls.

And suddenly, he was finding out that Jeongguk was into guys too and that he wanted a boyfriend and that he’d never been with a guy before, but he wanted to.

Jimin, embarrassingly, got his hopes up so quickly. And so, yes. He called Hajoon, explained quickly and apologized, even though Hajoon let him know he wanted him to be happy if he had the chance, something he would never get to have. 

After that, Jimin spent hours watching Jeongguk sleep, taking in his peaceful expression and feeling overly anxious about talking to him, about figuring out if there was a chance Jeongguk might like him back. After all of these years.

And now that he’s here, there’s no turning back. Because he’s held back for so long. He’s been scared and has kept his feelings in check and he’s tired of doing it because Jeongguk is here with him and he said things last night that seemed to mean something else and he was drunk, which means there might have been a lot of truth behind his words.

Jimin doesn’t want to be scared anymore. He doesn’t want to keep feeling this longing, not if there’s a chance he can finally have Jeongguk the way he’s wanted him all of these years.

So, he closes the door and steps further into the bathroom, settling beside the tub with his arms folded over his chest. He doesn’t mention what he saw just yet. He did knock and Jeongguk didn’t reply, but since he found the door unlocked, he didn’t think twice before stepping inside. He opened the door just in time to see Jeongguk’s expression as he had his arm behind himself. It was obvious what he was doing, even if he quickly sunk down into the water in hopes of hiding it.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks, feeling slightly frustrated that Jeongguk is in here, very obviously ready to jerk off, while Jimin hasn’t slept at all, thinking about his words all night.

Jeongguk says something, but the music is too loud and Jimin doesn’t want there to be music while he confronts Jeongguk. He wants to be able to hear everything he says. So, he reaches for the remote control settled on the tray table. He manages to snatch it away before Jeongguk does, who was quickly reaching towards it when he realized what Jimin was planning to do.

His eyebrows furrow when the music continues to play in the speakers even after he’s tried to turn it off. He presses another button and instantly becomes aware of a loud vibrating sound coming from his left. He glances towards the box settled on the tray table. Jimin cocks an eyebrow as realization starts to dawn on him and he presses another button, just to confirm. Sure enough, the vibration sound increases.

Suddenly, the water splashes and catches his attention. Jeongguk is standing, snatching the control from his hand with an embarrassed expression on his face. Jimin knows that he’s not mistaken that the remote control wasn’t precisely linked to the music, but to the toy Jeongguk obviously has inside of him and the one that’s still in the box, for some reason.

Before he can even catch a glance of Jeongguk’s naked body, the younger one sits down again, placing the control on the tray table and turning off the music from his phone. He has the nerve to look annoyed, arms crossed over his chest.

And in any other situation, maybe Jimin would be annoyed too. But he’s not. It should be embarrassing that he feels hot at the thought of what’s going on under the water. Why did Jeongguk bring two vibrators? Hope blooms in Jimin’s chest again. Maybe―just maybe. Maybe he’s right and Jeongguk does feel the same way. Just the fact that Jeongguk has such toys and decided to bring them on their trip―the one they’re having alone, makes him feel all warm and fuzzy. Too turned on to think straight.

It’s a little bit mindless, a little bit too bold, when he starts to undress. He doesn’t rush, but he doesn’t take his time, either. He’s quick and methodical, tugging at his jacket, dropping it to the floor, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it too. And as he does, he keeps his eyes on Jeongguk’s, staring at him with intent.

Obvious panic takes over Jeongguk’s expression.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“I’m joining you because we obviously have to talk,” Jimin replies without hesitation, dropping his pants.

“It’s fine, I was about to get out anyway,” Jeongguk quickly shoots back, starting to stand.

But Jimin doesn’t want him to run away. He won’t leave this bathroom until he knows if Jeongguk feels the same way as he does. If he’s somehow understood everything wrong, if he’s somehow convinced himself of something that isn’t real, then so be it. But he needs verbal confirmation, otherwise he’ll never be able to live with himself.

“Stay put,” he orders, placing his hand on Jeongguk’s chest. Jeongguk’s large, bambi eyes focused on him with that surprised expression. He doesn’t move, doesn’t shift, doesn’t try to run again. He just continues to stare up at Jimin until Jimin starts to remove his underwear. Only then does he look away with rosy cheeks. “You can look,” he says, because maybe he’s a bit too bold and the thought of having Jeongguk’s eyes on him is something he can’t ignore any longer. “It’s only fair, considering I got the full view too.”

And oh , Jeongguk looks. First, tentatively. Then, he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s letting his eyes trail down Jimin’s fully naked body. It makes Jimin’s skin burn. It makes his head spin.

Jeongguk looks away again, dropping his face into his hands.

“ Hyung ,” he exhales, sounding pained. “Please, I can’t―” he starts, but stops. He drops his hands and looks up at Jimin with a pleading gaze. “I know we’re close, but you told me last night that you have a boyfriend and I don’t think he’d like us doing this. I don’t―”

“I don’t have a boyfriend anymore,” Jimin interrupts, stepping into the tub and settling right on top of Jeongguk. He straddles his thighs and even though there’s nervousness bubbling under his skin, his heart beating like crazy in his chest, he’s determined and he doesn’t want to risk missing the chance to finally have everything he’s ever wanted―Jeongguk.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen at Jimin’s sudden proximity. Jimin can feel all of him, strong, slippery muscles, buff body so close to his, but not close enough just yet. He can see as several emotions go through Jeongguk’s expression. It’s a bit surreal being this close to Jeongguk in this sort of a situation. He’s longed for this, he’s wanted Jeongguk for so long, he can’t even wrap his head around it.

All he needs now is to know .

“Do you want me to punch him for you?” Jeongguk asks.

It’s most definitely not what Jimin was expecting from him and he says it so seriously, his expression so determined, that it makes Jimin laugh. It’s a genuine laugh, one that makes him fall forward onto Jeongguk the way he always does when he says something funny. Jeongguk’s reaction is also the same as always, hands reaching out to steady him the way they always do.

Strong, firm hands fall to his hips, holding him tightly―tighter than they should.

It snaps Jimin back to the present and to where they are. Yes, they’re close, but there’s a limit to how close they are and they’ve never been like this, naked together in a bathtub, touching in a way that feels so intimate and almost like a dream. He leans back so that he can look into Jeongguk’s eyes again.

“The only reason Hajoon and I decided to date was because we are in love with people we can’t have,” he murmurs, because he doesn’t want to beat around the bush. The more he waits, the more scared he feels that this might all blow up in his face. “We figured it might help us move on.”

Jeongguk’s hands are still on his hips, unmoving, holding him tightly in place, but he doesn’t seem to be conscious about them anymore. He’s focused on Jimin’s words and upon what he just said, he seems to deflate, his expression falling. 

“You’re in love with someone,” he whispers, not really a question, though there is doubt in his tone. He isn’t looking into Jimin’s eyes anymore. Instead, he’s lowered his gaze to Jimin’s chest, his expression somewhat lost. “Is it someone I know?” He asks then, lifting his head again.

Jimin gently reaches up, pressing his fingertips to Jeongguk’s cheeks. He nods softly, suddenly feeling calm again. Jeongguk’s reaction is reassuring, even if he hates that he seems sad. It means that he doesn’t like the idea of thinking he’s in love with someone. And Jimin knows how that feels. He’s been terrified of it for as long as he can remember.

Suddenly, Jeongguk pulls his hands back and tries to shift away. But Jimin’s eyebrows furrow and he stops him, placing his hands on Jeongguk’s shoulders.

“Where are you going?” He asks. “We’re not done talking.”

Jeongguk shakes his head and refuses to look at him. He closes his eyes and reaches up to cover his face with his hands.

“Hyung, please,” he pleads, the same way he did before. “This is just too much. I can’t―” he tries, but stops, shaking his head again.

Jimin gently wraps his fingers around Jeongguk’s wrists and tugs to get him to move his hands away from his face. Jeongguk lets him. He peaks up through his eyelashes, expression shy.

“Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin calls out softly. He cups Jeongguk’s cheeks and leans in to place a kiss on his forehead. “It’s you.”

It seems to take a few seconds for Jeongguk’s brain to process what Jimin just told him. And really, Jimin can’t believe he just said that out loud, either. It feels like he’s been terrified for so long and now suddenly, here they are and he’s voicing out words he never thought he’d be able to say. For so long, he thought he’d never stand a chance with Jeongguk because he liked girls and yet all this time, Jeongguk has also liked guys.

And there’s a chance he might like Jimin. Although he’s yet to say it.

“The person I’m in love with is you,” he exhales, slipping his hands into Jeongguk’s hair. “I’m so in love with you, Jeongguk-ah. I always have been. That night we shared together did mean something to me. It meant everything to me. But I thought you liked girls and I―” he stops, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Emotions crowd up in his throat and it’s difficult to keep them at bay. “Do you―I mean, is there a chance you could feel the same way as me?”

Jeongguk stares back at him with a shocked expression on his face. He seems frozen in place, as if he was expecting anything but that to come out of Jimin’s mouth. But as the initial shock fades and Jeongguk seems to process what Jimin just told him, he reaches up with shaky fingers and places them on Jimin’s cheeks, looking up at him with the most hopeful expression Jimin has ever seen.

“I’ve been in love with you for a very long time, hyung,” he whispers, shaky, eyes full of emotion, glassy and tearful. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe―” he stops himself, shaking his head. “It feels like I’m dreaming,” he finishes with a soft laugh.

“You’re not,” Jimin murmurs, carding his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair, pushing it back and out of his forehead. He’s so beautiful, all rosy cheeks and shy expressions. Jimin’s heart squeezes. “I’m right here, Jeongguk-ah. And I’m so in love with you, I don’t know how to hide it anymore. I don’t think I can. I just―you have no idea how much I’ve wanted you. How much I want you.”

Jeongguk’s hands settle on Jimin’s hips again, tugging him closer and Jimin goes, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders, leaning his cheek against his. Somehow, that feels even more intimate than everything else. The way Jeongguk’s cheek slides against his slowly. They way they both lean back and turn their heads until their lips are hovering close to each other. 

“I’ve wanted you too,” Jeongguk exhales, nose brushing against Jimin’s. “I want you all the time, hyung. In every possible way. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Jimin’s lips tug up. He likes hearing that. He can’t believe he is, actually. It feels like a dream, just like Jeongguk said. He slips one hand into Jeongguk’s hair and tilts his head back slightly, their lips coming closer.

“Show me,” he whispers. “Show me how much you want me.”

Jeongguk doesn’t need to be told twice. He dives in to kiss Jimin before Jimin can even prepare himself for it. Not that it matters, though. Nothing could have ever prepared him for how it feels to have Jeongguk’s lips against his own again. The same sort of feeling from back then quickly invades him. Jeongguk’s lips mold against his, fit perfectly against his. His hands grip Jimin’s hips tightly and feel so heavenly around him.

Everything about Jeongguk is so perfect. His mouth is demanding, but his touch is gentle. He explores, slides a firm palm up Jimin’s spine, all the way to his nape, settles there and keeps him close as he kisses him with desperation. Jimin kisses back just as desperate and urgent. They’ve been in love with each other for years, it seems and they’re finally here, together. It’s overwhelmingly intense.

Jimin leans back, trying to catch his breath, tears slipping down his cheeks. Jeongguk reaches up and brushes them away.

“Don’t cry, hyung,” he pleads, the same way he did so many years ago. “I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Jimin whispers back, leaning in to kiss Jeongguk again.

It’s hard to pull away once they start again. Jeongguk’s hands touch him all over, but Jimin does his own exploring. He slides his hands down the sides of Jeongguk’s neck, across his shoulders, firm muscles flexing under his touch. He trails his hands down Jeongguk’s back, marveling at the way the muscles ripple as he goes further down.

Touching Jeongguk is the only thing Jimin wants to do for the rest of this trip. Being with him, pressed to him, touching him, getting lost in him, it’s all he wants. He needs nothing more ever again.

“Jeongguk-ah,” he exhales, pressing closer, feeling all of him. Jeongguk is still clearly hard and Jimin’s almost there too, what with all the being this close with each other and everything that happened before they started actually talking. But he ignores it for now, because right now, all he feels is this intense desperation to glue himself to Jeongguk in some way and never have to let him go. “ Please ,” he whines, slipping his hand into Jeongguk’s hair and tilting his head back.

Jeongguk’s lips press to his neck easily, leaving open-mouthed kisses all over his skin. The last time they ever touched each other in this way was so long ago and yet it feels as familiar as it did back then―only there’s a strong urgency laced with their movements this time around. They had this once and then they lost it and they’ve wasted so much time when they could have been together all along.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk whispers against his throat, tongue slipping past his lips as he licks at Jimin’s skin in a way that feels somewhat obscene, but also makes him feel warm all over. “You have no idea what you make me feel.”

Jimin groans, crashing his lips against Jeongguk’s again because not kissing him feels terrible. It feels wrong. Jeongguk kisses him with the same sort of intensity as before. They get lost in it, lose track of time. They make out until their lips feel swollen and until they can’t breathe and can no longer ignore the fact that the both of them are very much turned on.

He cups Jeongguk’s cheeks and pecks his lips once, ever so softly.

“I really want you, Jeongguk-ah,” he whispers, looking deep into his eyes. “Not like that one time. I want all of you, in every way you’ll let me have you.”

Jeongguk’s eyes flutter shut and he looks pained, his eyebrows furrowing.

“You can have me in any way you want me,” he exhales. “I’ve only ever been yours and that’s the way it will always be.”

“Yeah?” Jimin asks, leaning in and placing a kiss on the tip of Jeongguk’s nose. “You’ve been mine all along? Since always?”

“Yes,” Jeongguk replies without a somber of a doubt. “Just yours, hyung. I want you to do with me as you please. I want you to get lost in me the same way I want to get lost in you.”

Jimin nods mindlessly, pressing his hips closer, their cocks trapped between their bellies. Pleasure flutters deep in Jimin’s belly. He shudders, craving more.

“I’m yours too,” he blurts out. “Let’s cancel the shoot. Let’s just―can we stay here? Just the two of us, for the rest of the day? I want you to get lost in me too,” he finishes in a soft whisper, biting down on Jeongguk’s bottom lip and tugging ever so softly.

“Yes, please,” Jeongguk agrees. “Let’s stay together. I don’t want to let you go. I’ve wanted to have you like this and feel you like this for so many years, hyung. I’m not ready to let you go yet.”

Jimin shakes his head. “You don’t have to. Don’t let go of me, Jeongguk-ah. Don’t ever let go.”

“I won’t,” Jeongguk assures.

As Jeongguk leaves more kisses all over his throat, his shoulder, across his collarbone, Jimin reaches for Jeongguk’s phone and unlocks it, sending a quick message to the group chat with the team they were supposed to meet at one. Jimin isn’t planning on rushing this, even if he’s desperate to have Jeongguk in every possible way. And so they won’t be leaving this hotel room for the rest of the day.

He doesn’t wait to get a response from anyone. He puts the phone down again and quickly goes back to kissing Jeongguk.

“I love you,” he whispers against his mouth. “Love you, love you so much. So much, Jeonggukie.”

Jeongguk smiles against his mouth and kisses him back and in between kisses he murmurs that he also loves him, that he loves him so much. And Jimin’s heart is so full. This feels like a dream and he honestly never wants to wake up.

As he lets his hands wander down Jeongguk’s back, all the way to the base of his spine, Jeongguk’s hips move, a groan leaving his lips, right against Jimin’s mouth. It’s only then that he remembers what he caught Jeongguk doing in here in the first place. He leans back, a little bit breathless and finds that Jeongguk’s cheeks are flushed, his expression hazy.

“Was that a vibrator I saw before?” He asks, teasing as he leans in and pecks Jeongguk’s lips ever so gently. “You brought two, didn’t you?” He goes on, this time more serious. “Can I know why?”

Jeongguk’s hands grip Jimin’s hips, a pained sound leaving his mouth before he burrows his face in the crook of Jimin’s neck as if to hide himself.

“When I was in Busan, my brother told me something that made me think―I mean, it gave me hope,” he begins to explain, his hands sliding up and down Jimin’s back, as if he can’t stop touching him. He nuzzles into Jimin’s skin, making Jimin’s eyes flutter shut.

“What do you mean?” Jimin asks curiously, slipping one hand into Jeongguk’s hair, the other one sliding up and down Jeongguk’s back too.

Jeongguk shudders. It seems that he’s so affected by Jimin’s touch and Jimin loves that he is. All of Jeongguk’s touching is also driving him crazy, after all. And really, Jimin feels like he’s in a dream—one he never wants to wake up from.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk whispers, a soft whine pressed to Jimin’s skin. He leans back just a little bit, his nose brushing against Jimin’s as he looks into his eyes with the shyest expression. “Did you know our families think we’ve been together all this time?”

That snaps Jimin out of his hazy stupor. He blinks back at Jeongguk for a moment, the words being processed by his brain.

“What?”

Jeongguk snorts, nose brushing along Jimin’s jaw, a soft sigh leaving his lips this time.

“I know, I was just as surprised,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Jimin’s jaw now. “My brother kept going on and on about Seven, asking me if you were bothered by it,” he explains. Oh, Jimin was anything but bothered by that song. If anything, it made him think of Jeongguk in ways he couldn’t help. “When I was confused about why you would be bothered, he said that if it were him, he’d be bothered if his partner was singing a song about fucking a girl all week long.” Jimin laughs because he can’t help it. If Jeongguk’s brother actually thought they were dating, he must have been so confused about the song. “I thought he meant partner as in, a member of the group, you know? Anyway, when he said that, I told him the song was about expressing myself. And I said that I got laid frequently, so singing about sex wasn’t that weird. And that’s when he asked me if we’d broken up.”

Jimin covers his mouth with his hand. He can’t help but laugh because how on earth did Jeonghyun think that they were together all of those years and meanwhile, he and Jeongguk were running around in circles, never really confessing to each other.

“I can’t believe it,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “All this time, I mean―” he stops and drops his hand, looking Jeongguk in the eyes. “How were we this dense?”

Jeongguk’s lips tug up into a smile. “It wasn’t just them,” he says. “Apparently, your mom and my mom were searching for places where we could get married when we get back from our service.”

That makes Jimin freeze. His whole family knows that he likes guys, so that’s not all too surprising. But the fact that they thought he and Jeongguk were dating all this time, to the point of looking up places for them to get married―holy shit. Jimin shakes his head.

“How come our families thought we were together all this time and meanwhile, we’ve been wanting each other without being able to be together?”

Jeongguk reaches up and cups Jimin’s cheeks, searching for his eyes.

“Why weren’t we together, hyung?” He asks. “That morning after, you said it was a mistake and that we should pretend it never happened. When I fell asleep that night in your arms, I thought we’d wake up and be together.” Jimin feels tears form in his eyes again as he thinks back to the morning after and everything that was going through his mind. “Why, hyung? Why did you tell me that if it did mean something to you?”

∞

Jeongguk watches as Jimin plays with his fingers nervously, his gaze lowered. He gives him time to figure out his words. Jeongguk too has a lot to share and even though he has a vibrator inside of him―as well as this intense desire for Jimin, he first just wants to know . Because he knows what kept him away during those first years and even though it feels stupid now that he’s older, they were young and barely growing famous back then, so it was scarier than it feels at this point in their life.

Finally, Jimin clears his throat and looks up again, his eyes meeting Jeongguk’s.

“It feels stupid to say, but I think it’s all been because of miscommunication,” he murmurs.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow. He reaches for Jimin’s hands and places them on his cheeks, looking into Jimin’s eyes.

“I’m getting a sense that you’re right,” he replies softly. “Tell me, hyung. All I want from now on is for us to tell each other everything. No more miscommunication, no more hiding things from each other. I know we don’t have much time before we have to go, but after that…there’s just a future together ahead of us.”

Jimin’s eyes fill with emotion. His hands slide back to Jeongguk’s hair to pull him closer, his forehead pressing to Jeongguk’s as he takes a slow breath.

“Okay,” he exhales. “The night we were together made me realize a lot of things. I’d always felt an attraction towards guys, but I think that night kind of confirmed everything for me. You and I were always close and it wasn’t until then that I understood our closeness wasn’t as innocent as I thought it was. The feelings were there, I just never thought they were. Before that night, though…” he trails off, sighing deeply and pressing his face to Jeongguk’s neck.

“What happened before that night, hyung?” Jeongguk asks.

Jimin wraps his arms around Jeongguk and holds onto him tightly. Jeongguk rubs his hand comfortingly up and down Jimin’s spine.

“Remember that stupid manager that got kicked out after that video came out?” He asks. Jeongguk nods, remembering how relieved he felt after he was gone. It always felt like he was watching over them a bit too closely, as if waiting for them to do something that might be wrong so he could use it against them in some way. He’s the one that told him Jimin was uncomfortable with all the skinship the two of them were showing on and off camera. “I was keeping to myself a lot before we kissed back then. I kind of remember you mentioning it that night, though I’m not entirely sure because I have some blank spaces. But, yeah. I was doing that because that manager told me you were uncomfortable with all the skinship that was involved for basically everything. He said you didn’t know how to tell me without making me feel bad and I…well, you were very shy back then, so I thought he was telling me the truth. The way he phrased it made it seem like he was worrying for me, you know? Like he was trying to help me out. So, I…believed him. And after that night, when I woke up and realized what had happened, I was so terrified. I thought I’d ruined everything between us.”

He pauses, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. Jeongguk leans forward and places a kiss on the back of Jimin’s hand, then on the other one. He gently tugs at his wrists to get him to stop hiding.

“Hyung,” he calls out gently. “If anything, I should have been terrified. I was the one that started it. I was the one that wanted it. If―”

“What?” Jimin asks, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean you started it?”

Jeongguk tilts his head to the side. “You said you have blank spaces?” He asks. “Do you not remember that I got onto your lap and when you asked me if I was sure, I begged ?” He goes on, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the corner of Jimin’s mouth. “I wanted it so much, hyung. You have no idea.”

Jimin’s eyes widen and his cheeks turn slightly pink and Jeongguk smiles, even though he feels a bit shy about what he just said.

“I thought―” Jimin starts, placing his hands on Jeongguk’s shoulders. “I thought you were straight back then,” he murmurs. “And I thought I fucked everything up. And the manager said I’d get kicked out of Bangtan if I didn’t―”

“ What? ” Jeongguk asks this time, anger simmering under his skin.

“Like I said, he mentioned it in a way that didn’t really seem like a threat,” Jimin explains. “I don’t know, I was terrified and we were young, we were just starting to grow in the industry―I just did what I thought was right.”

“I wasn’t straight,” Jeongguk says, shaking his head. “I knew what I was doing back then, even if we’d had a few bottles of soju. I was fully conscious that it was you who I wanted to kiss and you who I wanted to touch me. It’s only ever been you, hyung. I’ve―” he starts, laughing because it feels embarrassing to say out loud, but he wanted honesty and so he will be honest, too. “Even after you told me that the next day, I’ve done everything I can to be seen by you, hyung. So many things, it should be embarrassing,” he mumbles, dropping his forehead to Jimin’s shoulder. “That stupid manager also told me that you were uncomfortable with all the skinship,” he confesses. “It’s the reason I was so…it’s what led up to our first fight and then the second one was because you told us that you liked guys and I was so frustrated, you know? I thought I didn’t have a chance with you. Fuck, hyung,” he groans, wrapping his arms harder around Jimin, holding onto him because this too feels so frustrating. All this time, they could have had each other. All this time, they could have been happy and all because of a stupid manager, they couldn’t. “I’m so frustrated.”

Jimin’s fingers slip into his hair. “Believe me, I’m frustrated too,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the top of Jeongguk’s head. “All this time―fuck. Up until last night, I thought you were straight. And then you said that and I―it feels like we’ve lost so much time,” he whispers.

Jeongguk lifts his head then. He looks into Jimin’s eyes and finds that he’s gotten emotional again. He’s not crying, but he seems like he’s trying his best to keep the tears at bay. Jeongguk too feels like his heart has been played with. All because of someone else. It’s unfair.

“We have,” he exhales, pressing a chaste kiss to Jimin’s lips because he can now. He can kiss him whenever he wants and Jimin can kiss him back and there’s actually a future where they can be together. Jeongguk doesn’t want to miss another freaking second. “But now we have all the time in the world, don’t we?” He asks with a small smile. “We just have to make up for it.”

Jimin smiles too, warm and sweet and even though he still looks like he’s holding back tears, he cups Jeongguk’s cheek and pushes his hair back gently with his other hand.

“I’d like that,” he whispers. “And believe me, I’ve seen you. I’ve always seen you , no matter what.” Jeongguk feels his cheeks heat when Jimin says that. Thing is, he doesn’t know what Jeongguk meant . He does notice that Jeongguk feels slightly embarrassed upon the mention of that and he tilts his head to the side with a frown. “What are you getting shy for?” He asks, cupping his cheeks and staring deep into his eyes. “Believe me, I’ve been doing things in hopes that you would see me, too.”

“Well, I’ve only ever had eyes for you,” Jeongguk murmurs. “And I just―I meant it when I said that I’ve done everything I can to be seen by you,” he confesses. “After you came out to us, I just wanted to become the perfect man for you.”

Jimin leans in and places the softest of kisses against Jeongguk’s nose.

“You are the perfect man for me, Jeongguk-ah,” he whispers. “You always have been.”

Jeongguk tilts his head back and catches Jimin’s lips before he leans back further. He kisses Jimin with intent, placing his hand on his nape and pulling him down, keeping him close. Jimin presses closer to Jeongguk’s body, thighs closing around Jeongguk’s waist. Arousal flickers deep in Jeongguk’s belly and he once more becomes aware of the vibrator inside of him.

He clears his throat, shifting. He feels the toy shift inside of him and moans softly against Jimin’s mouth. Even though he’s been fully focused on their conversation, the feeling of the toy inside of him has been gnawing at him since the moment Jimin walked in on him putting it in.

“So, you brought two vibrators in hopes that we’d…share?” Jimin asks against his mouth. His tone is teasing, but when Jeongguk’s eyes flutter open, feeling hazy, he finds that Jimin’s expression is somewhat serious.

Jeongguk slides his hands to Jimin’s hips and squeezes them tightly, pulling him closer. He leans forward, invading Jimin’s space and Jimin’s body leans back, but his arm is hooked around Jeongguk’s shoulders and his other hand is on Jeongguk’s bicep, nails digging into his skin. It feels good. Anywhere Jimin touches feels so good, Jeongguk never wants it to stop.

“I thought I’d confess, you would hopefully tell me you felt the same way and then we’d get to spend this whole trip…together,” he explains. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I can’t believe yet that you’re here right now. Do you really love me, hyung?” He asks, lips jutting out in a pout.

Jimin laughs, endeared. “Why are you acting all cute, huh?” He asks, leaning in and pecking Jeongguk’s lips once. “I really do. I love you, Gguk.”

Jeongguk smiles, delighted about hearing it again. He’ll just never get tired of hearing it.

“I love you too,” he whispers. “I love you so much I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain it to you properly. I wish you could just look inside my heart and see,” he confesses.

Jimin’s hand slides to his chest, settling right above his heart. He gives Jeongguk a very small smile, his eyes unfocused.

“Show me,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to Jeongguk’s lower lip. “Show me how much you love me. I’ll show you, too.” Another kiss, this time longer, this time it makes Jeongguk’s toes curl because it feels like a promise of sorts, one he’s not sure he’ll survive. “I want us to enjoy this first time together, but I honestly don’t think I can hold back any longer,” he confesses with a shy smile. “I want you so much.”

Jeongguk groans, burrowing his face into Jimin’s neck. He gives himself a few seconds, trying to breathe properly, trying to focus. But he’s been hard for long enough that he feels desperate and Jimin’s closeness is not helping him relax. He’s ready to give himself to Jimin in every way possible. The idea of it is enough to make his toes curl again and his hands slide to the low of Jimin’s back. He’s tentative at first, but Jimin obviously doesn’t stop him as he slides his hands further down until they’re settled on Jimin’s ass cheeks.

He squeezes them, pushing him forward and whines a little in the back of his throat when he realizes that there’s really no need to hold back anymore. He can touch Jimin as much as he wants. And he never has to stop.

“Hyung,” he pleads against his mouth. “I want you. I want you so badly.”

Jimin’s arms slip under Jeongguk’s, hands on his back, trailing down his spine, slow and steady, firmly. All the way until they’re on Jeongguk’s ass cheeks too, under the water. The water isn’t as hot as it was before, but it doesn’t matter. Jeongguk’s skin is on fire and Jimin feels hot against him and there’s nothing else he needs but that.

“I want you too,” Jimin mumbles, licking into his mouth in an obscene way that makes Jeongguk grunt, hips moving, hoping for some friction. He feels Jimin shifting on his lap and when his eyes open, he sees he now has the bottle of lube in his hand. Jeongguk briefly gets distracted as he places kisses across Jimin’s cheek, wanting to kiss him all over now that he can. But when he sees Jimin pouring lube onto his fingers, he pauses, leaning back.

“Hyung?” He asks. “I’m already prepped,” he murmurs. “Remember? I still have the vibrator inside of me.”

Jimin is the one to pause then. He places the bottle back where it was and fully focuses on Jeongguk again.

“Gguk” he whispers. He cups Jeongguk’s cheek and looks into his eyes for a long moment. “This is gonna sound a way I don’t want it to, but…I don’t want to hurt you, yeah? It’s okay. I’m used to bottoming most of the time, I’m not precisely small, so―”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk interrupts, shaking his head. He grabs onto Jimin’s biceps and makes sure to look dead serious as he responds. “I know you’re big,” he points out. “And you won’t hurt me. When I said before that I wanted to be perfect for you, I meant it.”

Jimin’s eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

Jeongguk sighs, feeling embarrassed again. But he knows what he wants and that’s Jimin inside of him. He knows he can take him. It’s what he’s imagined far too many times in the past few years. And, sure, he wants Jimin in every single way possible. But this, this first moment, he knows how he wants it to be.

“I heard you complaining about it once,” he confesses. “You were telling Tae hyung about a guy and I heard you guys talking. You were mentioning how frustrated you were about it, so I…I got curious. I’ve seen you naked before, so…” he trails off. “I got a few toys. And I enjoyed it, so I got more. The point is,” he states, clearing his throat. “I know I can take you. I want our first time to be like that,” he whispers. “I want you to enjoy it fully, just like I will.”

When Jeongguk is done explaining, Jimin stares back at him with a fascinated expression on his face. His eyes are slightly wide and he looks stunned, but also hopeful and his hands are on Jeongguk’s shoulders, tracing his skin gently.

“You did that…for me?” He asks softly, so low that Jeongguk almost misses it. Jeongguk nods, giving him a shy smile. “You didn’t have to do that,” Jimin starts, his expression changing.

But Jeongguk is quick to shake his head and reach up for Jimin’s cheeks again.

“I wanted to,” he assures. “I wanted you so much, hyung. I don’t―like I said, I don’t think I can put into words the way I feel about you, but I sure as hell am gonna try my best to show you. Will you let me?”

Jimin leans forward and places his forehead against Jeongguk’s. He takes a slow breath, as if collecting himself. “Yeah,” he exhales, pecking Jeongguk’s lips softly. “Show me, Gguk.”

Jeongguk doesn’t need to be told twice.

“Let’s change positions,” he whispers.

They maneuver around each other until Jimin is sitting where Jeongguk was before. Jeongguk pulls the vibrator out of himself with a wince and places it on the tray before settling on his knees and sliding closer to Jimin. He’s in between his legs, body pressed up against his and because he’s taller like this, Jimin’s face aligns with his chest. Kisses are peppered all over his skin and Jeongguk’s eyes flutter shut as Jimin’s lips close around his nipple. His toes curl and he clenches around nothing, missing the feeling of having something inside himself already.

He wants Jimin. He wants him so badly. Perhaps doing it in the bath and in water is not the best option, but Jeongguk doesn’t want to move. He wants Jimin right here and right now. He’s waited long enough, after all.

“Are you sure you’re prepped?” Jimin asks suddenly, not really leaning away. He keeps his lips on Jeongguk’s skin, leaving the softest of kisses against his wet skin. “I really don’t want to hurt you,” he murmurs, his hands settling on Jeongguk’s hips, sliding back until they’re on his ass cheeks. Tentative fingers slide further in between and Jeongguk shudders, his head falling back. “Let me make sure, hm?” He asks. “Let me, please.”

Jeongguk slips his fingers into Jimin’s hair and looks down into his eyes. Jimin stares up with the most beautiful expression ever and there’s no universe in which Jeongguk would say no to whatever Jimin wants to do to him. He nods, leaning down and placing a kiss in between Jimin’s eyebrows.

Jimin is quick to reach for the bottle and as he pours lube onto his fingers, Jeongguk can’t really see because Jimin’s hands are behind him. But the anticipation makes his skin heat and his body tremble as he traces Jimin’s shoulders with his hands, exploring every inch of skin he’s never been allowed to touch before.

The bottle is placed back where it was and without warning, Jimin spreads one ass cheek, his fingers slipping in between them. A single one presses against his rim and meets no resistance. Jeongguk groans at the feeling, his heart jumping in his chest. Maybe he’s too pent up or he’s been hard for far too long but it feels a bit too good.

“ Hyung ,” he whines softly, tugging at Jimin’s hair strands.

“Does it hurt?” Jimin asks.

He sounds so worried, Jeongguk looks down to search for his eyes. They meet Jimin’s concerned ones.

“It doesn’t,” he assures. “You don’t have to be afraid with me,” he says, because he can tell Jimin’s worry is a lot deeper than he initially thought. “Believe me, I’ve practiced a lot so that you can fuck me without having to hold back,” he whispers.

It sounds a lot more teasing than he meant it to sound, but Jimin’s expression becomes hazy and his forehead falls to Jeongguk’s sternum.

“Fuck,” he groans. “How am I supposed to hold back when you say things like that?” He asks. “It feels so tight inside of you, are you sure you’ll be able to take me, baby?”

Jeongguk shudders, his toes curling once more. His entire body is on fire. He’s going crazy and Jimin is moving his finger so tentatively inside of him, it’s driving him insane. Jimin calling him baby is like the cherry on top and Jeongguk absolutely loses it.

“Yeah, yes,” he breathes out. “Come on, hyung. Hurry up and fuck me.”

Jimin is quick to add a second finger and Jeongguk welcomes the stretch with a loud moan. Everything spins. Jimin is less tentative this time. Instead, he’s spreading his fingers inside of him, prodding at his walls. Jeongguk knows he’s well prepped because Jimin’s fingers are thrusting into him with ease, despite him being tight. Jeongguk clenches around his fingers, groaning when Jimin adds a third one.

Lips close around his nipple again and Jeongguk’s back arches, his body trembling with pleasure.

“You’re so sensitive,” Jimin murmurs, humming in approval as he sucks on Jeongguk’s nipple. “I want to take my time figuring out everything that makes you feel good, everything that drives you crazy.” Jeongguk moans again, reaching down to stroke himself. The warm touch of his palm makes him whimper. “But that’s gonna have to be later because right now, all I can think about is you sitting on my cock.” Jeongguk swears he sees stars. Jimin’s words, the way he’s fucking into him with his fingers and the way he’s licking across his sensitive nipple, make Jeongguk’s head spin, his body tremble, the familiar burn of pleasure tingling up his spine, invading him. “You like that idea?” Jimin asks. “You’re clenching so hard around my fingers, I can’t wait to feel you around me, Gguk.”

This is more than Jeongguk could have ever hoped for. Thing is, his imagination will never be able to live up to how it is to actually be with Jimin right now, naked against him, holding onto him, feeling him in every possible way― invading him.

Nothing has ever felt better than this. Jeongguk never wants it to end. And yet he also wants to get lost in Jimin and forget the rest of the world exists. He wants tonight to be their night, far away from everybody else. Just the two of them.

The way it was always meant to be.

“Please, hyung,” he whispers, desperation starting to take over again. “I want you.”

Gently, Jimin’s fingers pull back and Jeongguk whines at the loss of them, despite his previous words. Jimin is quick to keep moving, though. He reaches for the bottle of lube again and he moves into a different position. He makes Jeongguk turn to the side and bend forward, hands on the edge of the tub. Then he settles behind him and places his hand on Jeongguk’s hip. It’s then that he pauses, though. And Jeongguk groans, pushing his ass back.

“I don’t have condoms on me,” Jimin mumbles, frustration laced in his tone.

“I do,” Jeongguk quickly blurts out.

He reaches over the edge of the tub, bending down further for his bag. He doesn’t have to roam around a lot before he finds one and pulls it out. He hands it back to Jimin while looking over his shoulder. Jimin stares for a split second before he smiles widely.

“You really did come prepared, huh?” He asks, grabbing the condom from him. “I’m so glad you did,” he adds.

Jeongguk feels his cheeks heat up, but he doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed because Jimin is quickly opening the foil wrapper and groaning as he probably puts the condom on. Jeongguk doesn’t look back. He waits with his heart beating fast in his chest, his hands slipping slightly against the edge of the tub. He’s shaking a lot, after all. Anticipation building deep inside of him.

He hears Jimin grunting when he starts lubing himself up and gasps when his fingers suddenly slip past Jeongguk’s rim, as if making sure he’s still prepped. Jeongguk clenches around him.

“Hyung,” he groans. “I want you inside of me.”

Jimin’s fingers pull back and the bottle of lube is placed back on the tray.

“I want to be inside of you, too,” Jimin confesses, leaning forward. Jeongguk can feel his warmth close by, though he’s still not touching him. A hand remains on his hip as he feels Jimin between his ass cheeks. He lets his head hang in between his shoulders and breathes in slowly, his toes curling as he waits for Jimin to finally thrust into him. “Let me know if it hurts,” Jimin whispers then.

Jeongguk opens his mouth to let him know that it won’t, but he never gets to say anything. Because as soon as the words leave Jimin’s mouth, he thrusts and the head of his cock slips past Jeongguk’s rim. Jeongguk feels the stretch the same way he has before with the biggest dildos he’s gotten. Only this feels ten times more intense because it’s Jimin. And he’s warm and big and he’s slowly filling him up.

“Fuck,” he exhales, feeling the way his body opens up as Jimin pushes deeper and deeper inside.

It’s a bit more difficult than he thought it would be, but like he promised Jimin, it doesn’t hurt. It just makes him feel so full, his head spins and his muscles clench. His entire body tenses as Jimin’s hips press to his ass and he moans, both his hands on Jeongguk’s hips now.

“Oh my god,” Jimin whines. His forehead falls to Jeongguk’s nape, his chest pressing to his back. They’re suddenly so close and so connected and Jeongguk doesn’t dare move. His skin is tingling, his body is trembling, he feels like any little movement might push him over the edge. “Fuck, Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin groans, his hand sliding forward, over Jeongguk’s abdomen, pressing down as if he’s trying to feel himself. It makes Jeongguk jolt with pleasure and he clenches so hard around Jimin that Jimin whimpers. “Are you okay?” He asks, pressing a kiss to Jeongguk’s nape. “Can I move you?”

Jeongguk nods, too overwhelmed to speak. He’s wanted this for so long, he’s craved Jimin’s closeness, being connected to him in this way, that he can’t open his mouth just yet. He lets Jimin move him and as he does, he feels the shift of Jimin’s cock inside of him. It makes them both moan. Jimin maneuvers him, his hands touching him, keeping him grounded somehow.

Until he sits back as he was before and Jeongguk is on his lap, Jimin’s cock nestled deep inside of him, brushing up against the perfect spot. It makes him moan, his head falling back onto Jimin’s shoulder.

“Jeongguk, I can’t―” Jimin starts, his lips brushing against Jeongguk’s ear as he speaks. “It’s as if you were made for me,” he murmurs, sucking on Jeongguk’s earlobe, his hand settling on Jeongguk’s abdomen again. He presses down harder this time and Jeongguk cries out, his hand falling to Jimin’s wrist, nails digging into his skin.

“Hyung,” he whines. “Don’t―”

“Why not?” Jimin asks. His other hand settling on Jeongguk’s thigh. He grips the muscle tightly, suddenly thrusting up into Jeongguk, brushing up against his prostate. Pleasure invades him, making him whine. “I can feel myself thrusting into you, baby,” he whispers. “You have no idea how good it feels.”

Once he starts moving, it’s as if he can’t stop. Jeongguk’s lips fall open and pleasure quickly becomes the only thing he can feel. Jimin’s lips continue to kiss all over the skin he can reach and Jeongguk finds that he can’t do much more than take what he’s given. He moves his hips in slow circles, but every thrust from Jimin makes his body jolt with the most intense pleasure he’s ever felt.

It’s a lot. It’s overwhelming. It’s making his body shake. He can’t control it. But he finds that it doesn’t matter. The more he reacts to it, the more Jimin sounds approving, as if he loves that Jeongguk is feeling it so much, as if he wants to give him more.

“It feels so good, hyung,” he blurts out, spreading his legs a little, trying to move his hips more. His thighs soon start to hurt a bit, but he doesn’t mind it one bit. He’s used to exercising and pushing himself to his limits, so he knows he can keep going. He keeps his feet down for leverage, moving his hips as best as he can, considering he keeps losing his pace whenever Jimin thrusts deep into him.

“It does,” Jimin whines, biting down on Jeongguk’s shoulder. He doesn’t break skin, but he bites down hard enough that it hurts a little bit and Jeongguk hopes that it will leave behind a mark to look at so he can reminisce about tonight every time he looks at himself in a mirror. “I just―” he starts, but doesn’t seem to know how to continue.

His arms wrap tightly around Jeongguk’s middle and his face presses to his nape again, his hold so tight it feels as if he’s scared Jeongguk might disappear.

“I know,” Jeongguk groans. “I know, I know . It feels―it’s so intense,” he mumbles. “Hyung, please.”

“I’m here,” Jimin assures. “I’m right here, baby.”

Jeongguk digs his nails into Jimin’s skin as he tries to hold onto his arms, as he tries to hold onto him in any way he can. “We really wasted so much time,” he blurts out, eyes closing in an attempt to stop the tears that suddenly started to collect in the corners of his eyes. “We shouldn’t have, hyung. We should have had this so long ago.”

Jimin’s hand slides up Jeongguk’s front, to his throat. It lingers there for a few seconds before his fingers press against the side of his chin to make him turn his head. Lips meet his and even though the position is a bit difficult, it makes Jeongguk arch his back further, Jimin’s cock pressing up against his prostate again. His toes curl and a moan leaves his lips, a moan that Jimin swallows down.

“We should have,” Jimin murmurs against his mouth. “I wish I never had to let you go.” He pauses and kisses Jeongguk again and then speaks up once more. “I will spend every single day showing you how much I love you. And time will go by quickly, you’ll see,” he promises. “We’ve been patient. We can wait for a little bit more, hm?”

He’s right. They have life ahead of them, even if they have to make a brief pause along the way. And they still have a few months left to enjoy this, to enjoy each other. There’s time, even if it feels like there isn’t. And yet, Jeongguk feels desperate. There’s urgency also in the way Jimin holds onto him again, moving his hips faster, losing his pace.

Pleasure invades Jeongguk’s senses. It becomes all he can feel. Jimin’s cock moving back and forth across his walls, pressing against his prostate, making his head spin. Jimin’s hands brushing across his body, one of them wrapping around the base of his cock and stroking him at the same pace of his thrusts. The other one moves up his middle, reaching a nipple, flicking over it. Jeongguk’s body pulls taut, his head falling back again.

Jimin’s lips press to the crook of his neck and he mouths at his skin softly, grunting, moving faster, desperately.

“So good, baby,” Jimin mumbles against his skin. “You’re so perfect.”

Jeongguk’s heart squeezes.

“You are,” he exhales. “You’re perfect, hyung. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Jimin groans. “And you’re all I’ve ever hoped for.”

After those words are voiced out, there’s nothing more to be said. Jeongguk can’t even speak. All he can do is moan and cry out Jimin’s name and try to hold on for dear life as his orgasm starts to build. Jimin is incessant with his thrusts, fast-paced snap of his hips as he reaches his own orgasm right after Jeongguk does.

Pleasure explodes around Jeongguk. His vision goes white and his lips part in a loud moan as his body pulls taut. It’s never-ending. It’s overwhelming. Tears stream down Jeongguk’s cheeks and Jimin freezes deep inside of him as his cock twitches, spilling into the condom.

Jeongguk doesn’t move, his body feeling sore in the best sort of way. He stays as he is, head leaned back against Jimin’s shoulder, his arms over Jimin’s, hands wrapped around them, holding on tight as Jimin shakes against him―or maybe it’s Jeongguk shaking. Either way, it’s like he’s floating in a cloud and he never wants to come down.

They stay there for a long while, catching their breaths, struggling to come down from the intense pleasure they just experienced. And Jeongguk is fine with it because he doesn’t want to move just yet. He doesn’t want to do anything but stay in the warmth of Jimin’s arms, on his lap, close to him, connected to him in every way possible.

Of course, they do have to move eventually. And when Jimin helps him up, his cock slipping out of Jeongguk, he feels all too sensitive, as if everything they just did remains on his skin, on his body. It’s in his thoughts, most definitely. It’s as if he’s been marked forever and he honestly loves it. There’s no coming back from this moment and Jeongguk wouldn’t have it any other way.

His limbs feel all wobbly as Jimin helps him turn around and he settles back in the tub, no longer on his lap but still kind of in between his legs. Jimin ties the condom and puts it aside before giving Jeongguk a hazy smile.

For some reason, it makes Jeongguk’s heart jump and he quickly leans forward, leaving a soft kiss on Jimin’s pink lips.

“I love you,” he whispers against his mouth, not yet leaning away.

Jimin leans forward and pecks his lips too. “I love you too,” he murmurs. “And don’t think I’m done with you just yet,” he says, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jeongguk’s mouth. “I plan to spend the rest of the night learning every little detail of what drives you crazy.”

Jeongguk laughs, but his heart flutters at the thought.

“I’m more than happy with that,” he assures, sitting back again. “As long as I get to do the same.”

Jimin leans back with a sigh. “I’m all yours, baby.”

Jeongguk’s lips tug up into a smile.

“I like the sound of that,” he confesses. “And I’m all yours, too.”

Jimin’s smile grows with that and they stare at each other without the same sated expression for a long moment before they snap out of it and actually clean each other up. They don’t stay long in the bath. Instead, they stand up and let the water go down the drain as they take a quick shower, helping each other out.

It’s as if things naturally shift into place. There’s no hesitation anymore as they clean each other up. There’s no hesitation as they touch and let their hands wander, slowly getting lost in each other again. It’s a struggle to keep their hands to themselves and it takes them a while to actually finish and dry each other off, but soon, they’re stumbling across the room and falling onto the single bed, a mess of limbs and laughs and Jeongguk’s heart is so full.

He can’t believe this is happening and he hopes the night will last forever so he never has to let go of Jimin.

∞

Jimin keeps his eyes closed, though he lets his hands wander, one of them sliding firmly in between Jeongguk’s shoulder blades, the other one sinking into his damp curls. It feels so nice to be like this, just laying in bed, tangled up in each other, thoroughly spent.

There’s a part of Jimin that still can’t believe all of this happened. That he and Jeongguk are together now, that they did―that they made love. And they never have to let go of each other again. From now on, there’s just a wonderful future in which they’ll forever be together and nothing can ever tear them apart.

His lips tug up into a smile as he feels Jeongguk’s lips brushing along his abdomen, pressing gentle kisses to his skin that make his heart flutter. Jeongguk is ever so gentle, but the memory of his rough hands holding onto Jimin earlier is still right there, on the back of his mind. Jimin tightens his hold in Jeongguk’s hair and Jeongguk makes a soft sound, this time sucking on the skin right next to Jimin’s belly button. He huffs, back arching slightly and his eyes open as he looks down at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk looks up too, his tongue out in this obscene sort of way, swirling around Jimin’s belly button.

Jimin takes a slow breath, moving his other hand to Jeongguk’s hair. He grips the strands tightly, feeling this urgent need to have him again pressed right against him, close enough that it’s impossible to know where one starts and where the other one ends.

“Is this real, hyung?” Jeongguk asks, pressing another kiss above Jimin’s belly button.

He moves upwards, tracing Jimin’s skin with his mouth, letting his lips brush against Jimin’s skin all the while he continues to move up and up.

“It feels like a dream,” Jimin murmurs, because it does.

This is more than he ever could have imagined. For years, he dreamt of the day he might be able to have Jeongguk in his arms again. He dreamt of the day he could express what he felt. He would’ve given anything for a single kiss. Just one and he would’ve been the happiest person on the planet.

And now he has this― everything .

“I love you,” Jeongguk murmurs, reaching Jimin’s sternum. He shifts and settles on top of him. So, Jimin spreads his legs to make space for him there. The feeling of his naked, warm body pressed against his makes Jimin’s heart jump and faint arousal start to build in the low of his abdomen.

It’s as if he’s insatiable. He can’t get enough of Jeongguk. They did it in the bathtub, then got lost in each other again as soon as they made it to the bed. And it’s only been an hour or so of talking, sharing things with each other, gentle confessions that no longer need to be kept hidden, but Jimin already wants to bring Jeongguk closer and have him panting against his mouth.

“I love you too,” Jimin whispers as soon as he has Jeongguk hovering above him. He cups his cheeks and looks at every inch of his face, down and down, only to come to a halt when his eyes fall upon the small dark patch of skin on the side of Jeongguk’s neck. “Fuck, I left a hickey,” he mutters, pressing his thumb to the spot.

Jeongguk scrunches his nose, but his lips tug up into a smile and he leans down, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jimin’s mouth.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he murmurs, kissing along Jimin’s jaw.

It takes Jimin’s brain a few seconds to process what Jeongguk just said. And when he realizes why he’s saying that, he snorts, covering his face with his hand.

“I can’t believe we got away with that,” he replies, shaking his head.

“I really thought you did that because I didn’t put you down,” Jeongguk murmurs, kissing the side of his neck now. Jimin tilts his head back, giving him more space to work with.

Jimin slides his hand down to Jeongguk’s nape, squeezing softly. “I guess I let my intrusive thoughts take over back then,” he says, placing a kiss on the top of Jeongguk’s head. “It was partially that, but also because I was a bit tipsy and just―you were holding me so close. It’s the only thing I could think of to get you to stop.”

Jeongguk lifts his head and their eyes meet. His warm palm settles on Jimin’s cheek and he gives him a smile.

“I get it, hyung,” he whispers. “For me it was the same. All I wanted was to comfort you, to touch you, to be there for you. And I did things without thinking too,” he adds. Jimin rolls his eyes, but Jeongguk pokes his side and makes him laugh. “Like that time I sucked on your ear during that concert?” He asks. He nuzzles into Jimin’s throat then, as if embarrassed now that he’s mentioning it. “I was trying to comfort you, but you were so close and you were so emotional, I wanted to make you laugh, I wanted to annoy you so that you’d smile and feel better. I know it sounds strange, but I―”

“No, I get it,” Jimin interrupts, shaking his head. He gently coaxes Jeongguk to lift his head and smiles widely when their eyes meet again. “I really do. I loved you trying to annoy me.”

Jeongguk grins and leans in and their lips meet for the millionth time today, yet it feels the very same way as it did the first time and even way back, that night after their concert where they got lost in each other for the first time. Jimin feels complete with Jeongguk and he never wants to be anywhere that isn’t in his arms.

“I loved annoying you,” Jeongguk murmurs against his mouth, biting down on his lower lip and tugging. It makes Jimin groan, back arching, body pressing tighter to Jeongguk’s. “I loved you so much.”

“I loved you too,” Jimin mumbles, licking into Jeongguk’s mouth. “I’ve always loved you.”

Jeongguk makes a pained sound, as if hearing that is an overwhelming thing. And that, Jimin understands too. He feels the very same way. They’ve longed for each other for so many years, it feels surreal that they finally have this .

Jimin feels Jeongguk’s hand on his hip, gripping it tightly, moving to his thigh, curling around it and squeezing. Further down, to his knee, he lifts it up and Jimin lets him, planting his foot on the bed. He places his hands on Jeongguk’s shoulder blades, pressing down and trailing lower, down his spine. He feels the ripple of muscles as he explores his skin, all the way until he reaches the very low of his back. Jeongguk makes a soft, needy sound against Jimin’s mouth and Jimin is quick to slide his hands further down, until they’re on Jeongguk’s ass cheeks.

He squeezes once and earns himself a loud moan. He shudders at the memory of all the desperate sounds he pulled out of Jeongguk earlier. And as he thinks back on all the things they did, a new sort of craving takes over him. They really do have time to explore each other in every way that they want, but there’s something Jimin wants now and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t ask for it.

“I want you,” he exhales, biting down on Jeongguk’s lower lip and tugging, earning himself another moan.

Ah, Jimin is addicted to the sound of them. He wants to continue hearing them over and over again. He just knows he’ll never get tired of it.

“Again?” Jeongguk asks, lifting himself up on his forearms and staring deep into Jimin’s eyes. He sounds teasing, but there’s also a glint of desire in his gaze that doesn’t go unnoticed by Jimin.

“Yeah,” Jimin exhales, sliding his hands back up along Jeongguk’s back, marveling in the way his eyes flutter shut, a tremble moving down his body. For all his teasing, he seems pretty affected already―and Jimin can feel him growing hard against his hip. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I’ll never get tired of feeling you against me, of hearing you moan and plead and turn into a mess. I’ll never get tired of you touching me and holding me and kissing me and driving me crazy. I’m―”

“And I’ll never get tired of it either, hyung,” Jeongguk interrupts, leaning down and pressing a chaste yet long kiss against Jimin’s lips. “I’ll never stop wanting you.”

Jimin smiles and tugs Jeongguk down.

“ Good ,” he mumbles against his mouth before kissing him.

Jeongguk makes a satisfied sound and Jimin tightens his thighs around his hips, arching against him. A wave of pleasure invades his body as Jeongguk’s hips move against his in response. He’s quick to spin them around and as soon as Jeongguk realizes what he’s doing, he lets Jimin push him down on the bed. Once Jimin has him where he wants him, he sits back on Jeongguk’s thighs, smiling when Jeongguk tries to chase after him, a pout on his lips, his hands on Jimin’s thighs.

“Where are you going, hyung?” He asks. “Come here,” he pleads, tugging at Jimin’s thighs, though all he manages is to sink his fingers into his skin in his attempt.

“Jeonggukie,” he whispers, placing his hands on Jeongguk’s hip bones, sliding them upwards to his abdomen. Jeongguk’s chest lifts as he takes a deep breath. “As much as I loved being inside of you and am planning to be a million times more…there’s something else I want right now,” he confesses, sliding his hands back down until they’re closer to Jeongguk’s hardening cock.

The younger one groans, hips lifting, as if seeking pleasure. And Jimin doesn’t want to deny him of it, so he’s quick to move one of his hands until it’s wrapping right around the base of Jeongguk’s cock. Jeongguk moans, back arching and he looks like the most beautiful being in the world. All splayed out just for Jimin to look at. He strokes him once, slow and deliberate and Jeongguk’s hands squeeze around Jimin’s thighs again, desperate.

“Hyung,” he pleads.

“Would that be okay?” He asks, circling Jeongguk’s cock more firmly and stroking him properly. It makes Jeongguk turn his head to the side, eyes closing and muscles tensing. “Can I feel you inside of me, too?”

The thing is, now that Jimin’s felt what it’s like to be inside of Jeongguk, he also wants to know what it’s like having him inside. And the more he thinks about it, the more he craves it.

Jeongguk is already hard under his palm and as Jimin continues to stroke him, Jeongguk doesn’t seem to be aware of what Jimin just asked.

“Baby?” He asks, moving his hand down to the base and squeezing there, not too tight that it hurts, but tight enough that Jeongguk shudders, his head turning back to face Jimin, eyes opening. “Can I?” He asks. “Feel you inside of me?”

“Are you sure, hyung?” Jeongguk asks, sitting up and suddenly cupping Jimin’s cheeks.

“Of course, I’m sure,” Jimin whispers. “I’ll have many other chances to be inside of you, right?” Jeongguk’s cheeks turn a soft shade of pink, but he nods and presses a kiss to the corner of Jimin’s mouth. It makes Jimin smile. “Then, hand over the lube, hm? Let me make myself all loose and wet for you, yeah?”

“ Fuck ,” Jeongguk grunts, letting his forehead fall to Jimin’s shoulder. He blindly reaches out, though and Jimin finds himself smiling as he lets his hand sink into Jeongguk’s hair, keeping him close to his skin. “I wanna do it,” he says, reaching behind Jimin.

Jimin lowers his head, letting his cheek brush against Jeongguk’s. “I’m all yours, baby.”

Nothing more has to be said. Jimin faintly hears the bottle of lube being unclasped and it’s not long before he feels Jeongguk’s fingers in between his ass cheeks, one of them quickly pushing past his rim. Jimin groans, tugging at Jeongguk’s hair and making him tilt his head back. He crashes his lips against his, desperate need suddenly taking over.

While Jeongguk kisses him back with the same sort of hunger, he continues to open him up with that single finger, his other hand on Jimin’s ass cheek, pulling him closer until he’s no longer far away on his thighs, but directly on his hips. Jimin slips his hand in between them and wraps it around Jeongguk’s cock. It pulls a moan out of Jeongguk that Jimin swallows down with ease.

Jeongguk’s urgency isn’t reflected in the way he’s opening Jimin up. His fingers are firm, but they take their time. One is replaced by two and they spread inside of him, prodding at his walls, loosening him up. And soon those two fingers are replaced by three and then a fourth one and Jimin is soon covered in sweat, too turned on to wait any longer.

“Fuck me,” he pleads against Jeongguk’s mouth. “I want to feel you.”

With one swift movement, Jeongguk pulls his fingers out of Jimin and reaches for a condom. With shaky fingers, he puts it on and then he lifts Jimin up enough that Jimin can position himself right above his cock. He spreads his legs a little and slowly lowers himself down on Jeongguk’s cock.

Jeongguk helps, his hand covering Jimin’s smaller one. Slowly, Jimin feels the head of Jeongguk’s cock push past his rim and a wave of pleasure suddenly invades him as his body opens up to him.

“Put your hands on my hips, Gguk-ah,” Jimin whispers, pressing his lips to Jeongguk’s forehead.

Jeongguk does and as soon as he does, Jimin pushes down all the way. He feels the stretch and his head falls back as he quickly finds himself fully seated on Jeongguk’s cock. He’s deep inside, hitting all the right places and Jimin needs a second to adjust to the feeling because he didn’t expect it to be this intense. Having Jeongguk like this is overwhelming in the best sort of way.

“Fuck, hyung,” Jeongguk groans, burrowing his face into Jimin’s throat. “It feels so good inside of you.”

Jimin shudders. He wraps his legs tightly around Jeongguk’s waist and his arms around his shoulders and he moves, wanting more of this pleasure, of this intense feeling. The first movement of his hips in a slow back and forth motion makes Jeongguk moan and it makes Jimin see stars. He can’t breathe. He can’t think. He can’t do anything except feel the way Jeongguk’s cock twitches inside of him, the way his body feels against his.

He’s all warm and covered in sweat and his hands are splayed out over Jimin’s back, keeping him pressed to his chest. He feels so big and so comforting and so perfect. Jimin burrows his face into Jeongguk’s neck and takes a deep breath before moving again. And again. There’s burning need in the low of his belly and Jeongguk’s soft grunts begin to escalate into whines and moans, his nails digging into Jimin’s back.

“Hyung. Hyung. Hyung.”

He says it over and over again, as if he’s overwhelmed too, as if he feels everything Jimin is feeling. And he probably does. He probably knows everything Jimin feels. And Jimin has never felt so connected to someone in his life the way he’s connected to Jeongguk. There’s just no moving on from this, from them, together.

Forever.

Jeongguk holds onto him as if it’s the first time they’re making love. He holds onto him with this palpable, intense, need. And Jimin holds on just as tight. He kisses Jeongguk and for a long while, they move against each other just like that, in short, quick waves, moaning into each other’s mouths. Jeongguk’s hands slide down to Jimin’s ass cheeks, squeezing tightly, helping him move. And for some reason, it makes every drag of Jeongguk’s cock inside of him even more intense.

“Fuck,” he groans, licking obscenely into Jeongguk’s mouth. “It feels so good.”

“Yeah?” Jeongguk asks, biting down on Jimin’s lower lip hard enough that it hurts a little, but it’s good . It’s so good. It makes Jimin moan louder. “There’s nothing I want more in this world than to please you, hyung. In every way that’s possible. Always. Forever. I―” his voice cuts off with a moan. And suddenly, the world tilts as Jeongguk shifts, lifting himself up and pushing Jimin down. Jimin finds himself under Jeongguk within a heartbeat and even though it’s startling, it’s now Jeongguk who’s moving, thrusting into him with a constant snap of his hips, pushing deep into Jimin with a strength that makes his body jostle every single time. “Hyung,” Jeongguk whines, his face burrowing in Jimin’s neck again.

An arm wraps around his shoulders, fingers are in his hair and he feels trapped, pinned down to the mattress, but it’s good. He loves it. He loves the feeling of Jeongguk’s warm, big body, enveloping him, surrounding him, invading him.

He doesn’t have good leverage to move properly in this position, but he does his best and moves his hips to meet Jeongguk’s powerful thrusts.

“I love you,” Jimin whispers against Jeongguk’s ear. “I love you so much, Jeongguk. I can’t even put it into words.”

Jeongguk makes a soft sound, his hips losing their pace. Pleasure invades Jimin’s body, it takes over him. It escalated so quickly, Jeongguk hitting his prostate with each thrust.

“I know,” Jeongguk mumbles against Jimin’s neck. “I feel the same.”

Jimin’s heart feels full. He feels content. Finally complete.

Even though Jeongguk’s hips lose their pace every few seconds, he continues thrusting into Jimin until pleasure suddenly explodes around him and makes his vision go white. It feels so good, Jimin cries out in pleasure, body arching, muscles tensing, his toes curling so hard they cramp. It’s so intense it makes tears slide down the corners of his eyes and it leaves him breathless, everything spinning as he trembles under Jeongguk’s body.

Jeongguk keeps going, thrusts once, twice, a third time, before he spills into the condom and slumps down on top of Jimin, actually crushing him under his weight now. And yet, it still feels good. It feels heavenly. His warm, sweaty body slides against Jimin’s as he shakes and grunts against the skin of his neck, his orgasm taking over his senses.

They lay there in silence for a long while, slowly coming down from it, slowly catching their breaths. And when it’s over and they have to move to clean up, Jimin finds himself smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. He’ll just never get tired of it. Of having Jeongguk all to himself.

Of never having to let go.

∞

To say the least, nobody seems to be surprised when Jimin and Jeongguk announce that they’re together. Namjoon and Taehyung took them out to celebrate. And the four of them got very drunk before going back to the dorm to sleep. They tell Jin and Hoseok over the phone on their days off from their service and the two of them react the same way Namjoon and Taehyung did, promising that the seven of them will celebrate together once they’re all back. Yoongi’s reaction is the one that made them laugh the most. Over the phone, he’d said: ‘It’s about damn time’. Apparently, he’d known all along that the two of them kept staring at each other and he felt bad for not having intervened in some way to help with the obvious miscommunication that was happening.

Of course, it was nobody’s fault that there was a person in between making sure to plant false statements between them. Once they got back from Tokyo, they also made sure the manager could never be a manager again―him not being a manager for Bangtan just wasn’t enough, after all.

And then the moment that will forever remain engraved in Jeongguk’s heart no matter how much time goes by.

Today .

Today was most probably one of the best days of his life. Getting together with Jimin is one of them, debuting with the guys is another one. They’re all very high up in his list of days he never wants to forget. And today he got a glimpse of what the future beholds for him and Jimin after they’re done with their service.

Telling their families was the most important thing for them and they wanted it to be special. Considering how much their families were rooting for them, it seemed fair to organize something nice and sweet for them all.

So as soon as they were back from Tokyo, Jeongguk contacted his brother and Jimin’s his own and they organized a family lunch. Jimin and Jeongguk arrived together as a surprise and there were lots of tears shared, as well as hugs and laughs. Everybody was happy to see them there. And when the both of them announced that they were together, everybody was ecstatic.

They spent the whole afternoon eating and sharing time together. And Jeongguk was fully content. He felt as if everything had finally been set into place. He didn’t need more. Just this, being with his family and Jimin.

Now that the day is fading away and the sun is starting to set, Jeongguk finds himself pleasantly buzzed. They’ve been drinking, celebrating, laughing and sharing. Their parents told both him and Jimin about why they thought they’d been together all of this time. And even though it was funny to hear that they’d been so oblivious all along, it also made Jeongguk’s heart ache a little because they could have told Jimin what he felt so long ago. He could have spared himself the heartbreak and he could have avoided those few fights, the fear and the longing.

“Gguk-ah,” Jimin’s voice interrupts his trail of thought. Jeongguk turns his head, looking at Jimin over his shoulder. He gives him a smile, hoping it’s not evident in his expression that he was thinking about things they promised they wouldn’t. “What are you doing, hm?” He asks, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk’s middle and hooking his chin over his shoulder. Jeongguk looks down to the glass he was drying up to take outside before he got distracted. “You were taking too long.”

Jeongguk clears his throat. “I just got a bit distracted.” Jimin hums, his hand rubbing up and down over his belly in that comforting way of his. Jeongguk closes his eyes and sighs, tilting his head back and to the side, against Jimin’s. “Sorry,” he murmurs. “I can’t help that being here makes me think about all the time that’s gone by. We had so many chances and we didn’t even realize it.”

Despite what they’d agreed, Jimin hums again, his lips pressing to Jeongguk’s nape for a brief moment and when he speaks, he does so without pulling away.

“I know,” he says softly. Then, ever so gently, he presses another kiss on Jeongguk’s skin. When he speaks, he does it again while keeping his lips against his nape. “I know we promised not to think about the time that we won’t get back, but being here does make me think about it too,” he confesses. “My mom said that she’d always assumed that me bringing you over was my way of letting her know that we were more. It made me a bit sad,” he whispers. “I brought you over because you were my best friend and yes, because I loved you and having you around made me happy. But also because I cherished the time we could spend together, alone, without all the cameras and without everything looming over us, you know? If we’d been together…those moments would have been even more special.”

Jeongguk nods, Jimin’s lips still pressed to his skin. He turns around in his arms and leans back against the counter, his hands settling on Jimin’s back. The older one stays as he is, arms still wrapped around Jeongguk, though now he’s looking up at him with a small smile. There are emotions in his eyes that Jeongguk can recognize, things he feels himself. Slowly, he slides his hands across Jimin’s back, all the way to the sides until he has his arms wrapped tightly around him and he leans forward to press a gentle kiss in between his eyebrows.

“They were special either way,” he whispers, pressing another kiss on the bridge of Jimin’s nose, then on the tip and then on his lips. He gives him a smile. “And I brought you over too because it meant we could spend time away from the rest of the world,” he confesses. His words make Jimin grin so wide, it makes Jeongguk’s heart flutter. “My mom also told me that she’d thought all along that we were together and that I smile the biggest when I’m with you, so she always assumed,” he explains and then he laughs, though there are tears forming in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill. “Do you know they still planned out a trip for us to take once we finish our service?” He asks.

Jimin’s eyes widen. It’s true. Apparently, after their brothers told their families that they weren’t together and that for years, they’d just been assuming something that wasn’t true, their mothers didn’t stop their plans. According to what his mother said, they believed they would end up together one way or another. And they were right.

“They just assumed we’d be together in the end, huh?” Jimin asks, sniffling.

Jeongguk brushes away the tears that spill down Jimin’s cheeks and Jimin reaches up to do the same for Jeongguk. They laugh, emotional and trying to keep their rueful feelings at bay. There’s really no point in looking back at the time that’s gone by. It’s true that they only have a month left before they enlist, but after that…there’s a future ahead of them that they can look forward to.

“And we are,” Jeongguk whispers, cupping Jimin’s cheeks and pressing his forehead to his. “We’ll just have to wait for a little bit longer. But now that I know that you love me…waiting doesn’t seem like something too terrible,” he confesses. “I know I’ll miss getting to have you like this, but I waited years before getting to hold you again, what’s a little bit longer?”

Jimin sighs and burrows his face into Jeongguk’s neck.

“I’ll miss you too, even if we’ll be together,” Jimin murmurs. “And I’ve been patient, too. But this is going to be so difficult for me,” he confesses. “How am I supposed to let you go when I already know what it feels like to have you in my arms? To fall asleep tangled up with you and wake up to that beautiful smile you have?”

“ Hyung ,” Jeongguk grumbles, cheeks heating. Truthfully, he feels the very same way, but there’s nothing they can do about it, just hope that time flies by. “I love falling asleep in your arms and waking up in them, too. Let’s just―we can make the most of this month, yeah? Can we do that? I want to stay glued to you until then.”

“I have no protests there,” Jimin says with a giggle.

He tilts his head back and Jeongguk leans forward to meet him halfway. Their lips meet softly and Jimin’s arms tighten around Jeongguk’s waist as he leans his body closer to him. Jeongguk sighs, slipping his hand into Jimin’s hair, the other one fisting the back of his shirt. He just never gets tired of this feeling, this rush of emotions that never fade away, no matter how many times they kiss or touch or just smile at each other.

Jimin’s mouth fits perfectly against his and his body molds to his and―someone clearing their throat startles them, making them step away from each other. Jeonghyun laughs, shaking his head and Jeongguk feels his cheeks heat as he pulls his gaze away from his brother.

“Come on, lovebirds. They’re bringing out the baby pictures and they want you both to be there for that,” he says, turning around and leaving before they even get a chance to protest.

Jimin groans. “Not the baby pictures,” he mutters, slipping his hand down Jeongguk’s arm until their fingers meet and intertwine. “Let’s go, Jeongguk-ah?”

Jeongguk hums and lets himself be pulled out of the kitchen.

“You looked very cute when you were a baby, hyung,” he says, leaning in closer as they walk hand in hand. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Jimin rolls his eyes and swats at Jeongguk’s chest. “You’re one to talk.”

Jeongguk grins and burrows his face into the crook of Jimin’s neck for the briefest of moments, nipping at his skin playfully. Jimin pecks Jeongguk’s cheek before they make it to the living room. The baby pictures are definitely out on display and everybody is cooing over how cute Jimin and Jeongguk were when they were little.

It might be a bit embarrassing, but honestly, Jeongguk has never been happier to be somewhere. Their families together, he and Jimin together, the rest of the world so far away. It’s perfect and there’s nowhere he’d rather be.

As the night settles and after they’ve all had dinner together, Jimin and Jeongguk announce that they should get going. The both of them are very exhausted after traveling to Busan and spending the whole afternoon eating, talking, moving around, laughing, just sharing moments together. Their families let them go with smiles and teasing words.

While Jimin waits in the rented car for him, Jeongguk says goodbye to his parents. His dad ruffles his hair and gives him a proud smile and his mother steps closer, wrapping him up in her arms.

“I’m so glad to see you happy, Jeongguk-ah,” she says, rubbing her hands up and down Jeongguk’s back in a comforting manner. “I know you and Jimin will be very happy for a very long time.”

Jeongguk’s heart flutters at the thought.

“I know so too, mom,” he murmurs, hugging her back tightly. “Thank you for everything.”

Once more, emotions bubble up in his chest and he has to do his best to keep them at bay.

“You know we’ll always be here for whatever you guys might need, okay?”

Jeongguk nods as he steps back, giving her a smile. His father wraps his arms around him and pats his back comfortingly too.

“Come back soon, Jeongguk-ah,” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of his head the same way he always has, especially when he was little. “And bring Jimin with you. It’s always nice when the families get together.”

Jeongguk nods, fisting the back of his father’s shirt and fighting even harder to keep in the emotions.

“I love you both,” he says as he steps back. “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve always done for me.”

As he steps back, his parents give him big smiles, both reaching out for him. His father to rub his hand up and down Jeongguk’s arm, his mother to brush her thumb back and forth Jeongguk’s cheekbone.

“We’re so grateful that you’re our son,” his mother says. “Go on, you’re making Jimin wait.”

Jeongguk smiles to himself. Yes, he doesn’t want to make him wait any longer. He nods and steps back, waving at his parents before finally heading towards the rented car. He gets into the driver’s seat and as soon as he closes the door, Jimin is leaning over the console to give him a kiss. Jeongguk kisses him back with a smile on his lips, Jimin’s smile also pressed to his mouth.

“I missed you,” he whispers.

Jeongguk closes his eyes and murmurs back, “I missed you, too.”

The drive to the cabin they rented out together is quiet. All the while, Jeongguk keeps his fingers intertwined with Jimin, both their hands settled on Jimin’s lap as he lets his other hand brush along Jeongguk’s with the gentlest care. It’s soothing and it keeps Jeongguk’s mind on him for the whole drive. It’s not that short of a drive, but it doesn’t matter. It’s always nice to spend time with Jimin alone.

Ever since they got back from Tokyo, they’ve been glued to the hip just like Jeongguk wanted and it’s good that they’ve almost finished up all the stuff they had to get ready before leaving. It means they get to enjoy the time they have left together before then.

Even at the dorm, they can never spend more than a few minutes away. And for all of Namjoon’s and Taehyung’s teasing, they’re always smiling when they catch them tangled up in each other on the living room couch or talking very close to each other in the kitchen or just giggling to themselves in the hallway. It makes Jeongguk’s heart flutter. He’s never been happier than he is right now.

The cabin is warm and cozy, small enough for the both of them. It has a living room, a kitchen and one bedroom. It also has a jacuzzi, though they’re not planning on using it. Tonight they just want to rest and fall asleep next to each other after the long day they’ve had with their families. Everything turned out exactly how Jeongguk had hoped.

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asks as they take their shoes off and lock the door, close the blinds and head straight towards the bedroom.

They left their things there when they got to Busan and didn’t even bother unpacking. They’ll be staying here tomorrow as well, though they’re planning to spend the whole day lying in bed together and just enjoying each other without any care in the world. The thought of it makes Jeongguk take a step towards Jimin, pressing himself to his back and wrapping his arms around him. Jimin is still wearing his pants, though he’s already discarded his shirt.

“Very happy,” Jeongguk confesses, burrowing his face into Jimin’s neck. “So in love with you.”

Jimin giggles. “You’re feeling in love with me?”

Jeongguk nuzzles into his skin.

“You know what I mean,” he grumbles. “Tell me you love me, hyung.”

“I love you,” Jimin quickly says. “I love you to the moon and back. I will never stop.”

Jeongguk squeezes his arms tighter around Jimin.

“I’m so happy,” he whispers. “So, so happy.”

“I’m happy too,” Jimin murmurs. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than I am right now.”

Jeongguk turns Jimin around gently, placing his hands on his hips and smiling as he leans in to brush his nose against his.

“You’re so perfect, hyung,” he whispers, pecking his lips once. “You’re so beautiful,” he goes on, another gentle kiss against his lips. “And you’re the love of my life.”

Jimin smiles against Jeongguk’s lips the next time he kisses him. Arms circle Jeongguk’s shoulders, Jimin’s eyes fluttering shut as he replies.

“You’re the love of my life, too,” Jimin whispers. “You’re the best thing that life has ever put in my way and I know that we’ll spend the rest of our lives loving each other.”

Jeongguk grins and picks Jimin up with ease. Legs wrap around his waist as Jeongguk drops him onto the bed. A grunt leaves Jimin’s mouth, but Jeongguk is quick to dive in and kiss him. Hands slip into his hair, Jimin’s legs tangle with his. They roll around on the bed, laughing and kissing and just getting lost in each other.

It goes on and on, until they finally lean back to take a deep breath and lay side by side, staring at each other. Jimin’s hand falls to his cheek and Jeongguk circles his hips, tugging him closer. He ended up a little bit further down, so he quickly lets his face burrow into Jimin’s neck, breathing him in, enjoying his warmth.

“Ah, I’ll never get tired of this,” Jimin murmurs, burrowing his face into Jeongguk’s hair. It feels nice to have him this close. Jimin’s hand is on his nape, squeezing softly before it slides up and into his hair, playing with the strands.

“Me either,” Jeongguk whispers, pressing a kiss under Jimin’s jaw. He kisses down his throat, then back up, under his chin. When Jimin lowers his face, Jeongguk quickly kisses his lips. They kiss slowly, almost lazily. Jeongguk places his hand on the low of Jimin’s back and sighs deeply, his heart racing even though the kiss is soft and innocent. “We haven’t finished undressing,” he mumbles against Jimin’s mouth.

Jimin hums. “Take my pants off for me, hm?” He asks. “Then I’ll undress you and take my time tracing your body with my hands, then my mouth and then…” he trails off, a smile taking over his lips when Jeongguk groans. “Then I’ll have my way with you, hm?”

Jeongguk doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s quick to start tugging down Jimin’s pants and tracing his body with his hands and before Jimin can get him where he wants him, Jeongguk drops down on top of him again, overwhelming love making his heart ache―in a good way, of course.

“I love you,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to Jimin’s lips.

And Jimin, without missing a beat, kisses him back with a hazy smile, “and I love you.”

And really, Jeongguk doesn’t need anything else in the world but this. This love that has lasted years and that has been reciprocated even when he didn’t know it. This love that grounds him and keeps him steady and that’s made him so happy, even during the heartache.

This love that he and Jimin share, that will never disappear, that will never end.

There’s nothing more Jeongguk will ever need but that.