Chapter Text
“I"ve never seen a mouth
that I would kill to kiss”
- Finally//beautiful stranger by Halsey
Following the last Almost Kiss™, Nick tried to talk about it the day after, but Charlie continued to insist that it was no big deal. So, he had no choice but to drop it.
As Charlie had predicted, everything returned to normal, and there has been absolutely no weirdness (mostly).
No doubt, part of that has to do with the fact that soon after it happened, Nick left for uni. So, they were too consumed in their sadness to even have any time to think about the Almost Kisses™.
The day Nick left was one of the hardest days of Charlie’s life thus far. It sounds dramatic. It is dramatic, but it"s also true. He couldn’t help but feel like it was the end of Nick and Charlie as they had come to be known. One entity rather than two separate people. How was that supposed to continue to exist in the face of hundreds of kilometres of difference?
It felt like a form of grief. Adjusting to school without Nick around was difficult, but it wasn"t even the hardest part. The hardest part was that sometimes, Charlie just needed his best friend, only now, he wasn"t there.
Despite the physical distance, and much to Charlie"s surprise, Nick held up his promise of keeping in touch by constantly texting and calling.
Rationally, Charlie knew he shouldn’t be surprised by this because Nick had never once broken a promise before, but he was genuinely shocked when the constant updates didn’t stop after the first day, first week, or even the first month of Nick being away.
It was both everything he could have hoped for (especially considering he had absolutely no hope), and also crushingly not enough. He loved getting to hear all of Nick’s rambly thoughts throughout the day and see his blinding smile every time Charlie picked up his FaceTime call. And yet, some part of him still ached, deeply, with the need to physically be with Nick.
No amount of texting or calling could make up for the absence of Nick ruffling his hair as he passed in the corridor, or squeezing his hand under the table during lunch. And they definitely could not make up for the lack of Nelson Hugs™ he had received since Nick left.
So, when Nick suggested that Charlie come up to visit a couple of months into his being gone, Charlie immediately agreed.
He tried to be cool about it, he really did, but he just couldn’t. Not when he was about to get exactly what he had been wishing for since the moment that Nick’s car turned the corner out of sight.
From the second they made the plan, Charlie was counting down the days, hours, and minutes until he would be in Leeds with Nick.
As such, with a quick glance down at his phone, Charlie is able to quickly work out that there are only 31 minutes left until his train will be arriving at the station where Nick will be waiting for him.
God. Never in his life had 31 minutes felt so long.
Nick had sounded so excited about getting to introduce Charlie to all of his new uni friends, and Charlie was excited…to a certain extent.
A selfish part of him wanted to just be alone with Nick all to himself for the entire weekend. However, he also knew how important it was to Nick that he gets along with his new friends, so he’ll do it. Of course, he will. Doesn’t mean he’s not nervous though. If anything, knowing that Nick is so certain that his new friends will love him only makes him feel worse because that means he has to live up to their expectations. What if he doesn’t though? What if they hate him and think he’s some gay nerd who is too young and uncool to be hanging out with them? What if they try to convince Nick that he shouldn’t be friends with Charlie anymore? What if-
His phone buzzes in his hand which effectively draws him out of his thought spiral. Almost as if he can hear Charlie’s thoughts and wants to distract him, it’s Nick.
Nick 3:02
You’re so fucking lucky that you can’t drive
I hate it
You’re also lucky you’re my best friend or I would make you figure out a way to get to my halls without me driving
Charlie smiles a little at Nick"s texts. God, he’s such an idiot. A cute idiot. But still an idiot.
Seriously though, his timing is impeccable. If Nick ever reveals to him that he"s actually been able to read Charlie’s mind the whole time, he"ll believe him without question because he just always knows exactly what to say and when. His phone buzzes again before he can type out a reply.
Nick 3:03
Charrrrrr
Are you almost here yet?
Charlie 3:04
you can literally track my trip, you numpty
Nick 3:04
Well yeah I guess
But I’m already here and I’m bored
So you need to keep me entertained
Charlie 3:05
oh i do, do i?
Nick 3:06
Yup
You’re the reason I’m sitting here waiting
Bored out of my mind
So yes
It’s your job
Charlie 3:07
see, but it isn’t my fault you got there early
again
you can literally look at what time my train is supposed to get in
Nick 3:08
Woww
I see how it is
You know what?
Maybe I’ll just go back to my flat
Charlie 3:08
absolutely not
you owe me
i have had to sit in this unbearably uncomfortable seat for four hours with a stranger snoring in my ear just to come see you because you asked
so
you owe me
Nick 3:09
Hm
I seem to remember us both deciding that you would come visit
Charlie 3:09
that’s just because you’re old and your memory is going
Nick 3:10
Aren’t you supposed to respect your elders?
Charlie 3:11
i don’t know what you’re referring to
Nick 3:11
Well, if my memory is really that bad maybe I’ve forgotten what I was sitting at the train station for and I really will head home
If only I could remember
Charlie 3:12
nicholas
Nick 3:12
Charles
Before Charlie can send a fake threat in response to Nick’s unbearable (read: adorable) little game of pretending to leave Charlie stranded, a voice comes on the overhead speaker announcing that they are pulling up to Charlie’s stop.
Abruptly, there is movement all around the train car as several people get up and begin to grab their various bags and personal items.
Now normally, Charlie would roll his eyes at them and internally admonish them for standing up early, especially given that the overhead announcements are always minutes early, but this time, he is right there with them. He has never been this eager to get off of a train in his life, so despite knowing there would still be several minutes before anyone begins to deboard, he’s up and ready within mere seconds.
A quick glance at his phone reveals yet another text from Nick.
Nick 3:15
Wait, I think I hear the train
Guess it’s too late for me to leave now
Charlie 3:16
what happened to forgetting why you were even waiting in the first place?
The train finally comes to a complete stop as he sends the text, and he tucks his phone away, beyond ready to get off the train.
He’s one of the first ones off, as he had strategically sat close to the door, and within moments, his feet are on solid ground, and he’s scanning the area for Nick"s familiar head of hair.
Before he has a chance to even look more than directly in front of him, he feels strong arms wrap around him and swiftly sweep him off of his feet. He should be scared, given that he didn"t even get a glimpse of who just bodily lifted him off the ground, but Nick"s familiar scent hits his nose, and he can be nothing but fondly exasperated.
“Nick! Put me down, right now, you giant rugby lad.”
“No. Absolutely not.”
With his feet still dangling uselessly in the air, Charlie wishes he could say that he was too embarrassed to lean into the hug, knowing how many people are likely watching this ridiculous show, but that would be a massive lie.
Nick’s embrace is just as good, if not better than Charlie remembers. He’s warm and smells of tea and cinnamon as he always does. And his arms are tight around Charlie, but not suffocating. He’s all-encompassing, overpowering all of Charlie’s senses.
Charlie never wants it to end.
He tightens his hold around Nick’s neck where his arms had automatically come up when he was abruptly swept off of his feet, and pushes his face deeper in the crook of Nick’s shoulder and neck. He inhales deeply, and finally fully relaxes after what feels like months of being tense. Maybe he really has been tense since Nick left. Ridiculous, he knows. But, he can’t help it.
“I missed you,” He can’t help but say, muffled from his place in Nick"s shoulder.
Nick doesn’t hesitate to respond. “Missed you, too.”
He has no idea how long they stay there like that, but after a while, Nick brings him down so that he’s on his own two feet. He doesn’t let go of him, though, which forces Charlie to stay up on his toes in order to keep his hold on Nick’s neck. He truly couldn’t care any less about the slight discomfort as long as he gets to stay in Nick’s arms.
God. He can’t believe how much he’s missed this. Obviously, he missed Nick for more than his hugs, but without Nick around, he really doesn’t get this from anyone else except for maybe Sarah when he goes to take the dogs for a walk, which doesn"t happen often. He is clearly way more touch-deprived than he realised.
After what is surely a long enough time to be considered awkward for anyone around them, the two finally pull apart, seemingly still a bit reluctant.
As Charlie drops down to being flat on his feet, he’s able to properly take in Nick for the first time since arriving.
And oh boy, is he in so much trouble.
He’s been hearing Nick blab on and on about how much more rigorous the training is for the uni rugby team than the Truham one, and he’d believed him of course, but he definitely hadn’t realised what all of the extra training would mean for Nick until now.
It’s still Nick, obviously. It’s still his best friend and unrequited crush of several years. Just a slightly different version.
Up close like this, he can make out all of the small changes that he wasn"t able to see through the grainy FaceTime calls.
His hair is still the same, falling over his forehead in a dramatic swoop, and his smile is just as warm as ever. Everything else though looks almost...amplified. His freckles are more present than Charlie’s ever seen them, likely a result of all of the time out in the sun. He looks taller too, not by much, maybe it’s a posture difference, but it’s definitely there.
The most glaringly obvious difference is his arms though. They’re stretching the sleeves of his shirt to the limit, and the thought of those arms having just been around him causes a warm blush to appear on Charlie’s face.
God, Nick is so beautiful.
Fuck. He really needs to stop ogling Nick before he makes this unbearably awkward.
Dragging his eyes up to meet Nick’s, Charlie"s surprised to find his face a deep shade of pink and his eyes distinctly not on Charlie’s face. He doesn’t know what Nick could possibly be staring at - he’s fairly certain he looks the exact same. But before he can follow Nick’s gaze to figure it out, Nick’s eyes snap up to meet his and he somehow blushes even deeper upon seeing Charlie already looking at him.
“I-”
“You-”
They both let their voices drop off at the same time and laugh a little at themselves, unsurprised that they"re in sync as usual. It helps break whatever weird tension may have been there, and when their eyes meet again, it feels warm and familiar.
With his signature lopsided smile, Nick goes for simplicity. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Charlie replies with his own smile.
God, his cheeks hurt from smiling so wide. He must look like such a fucking dork. Then, again, Nick is smiling just as big, so at least they look like dorks together.
Nick clears his throat before speaking again. “Um, well, are you ready to go? I’m sure you’re exhausted from the train ride and ready for something other than train food.”
“Oh, yeah, of course,” Charlie replies, then hesitates, unsure what else to say. He awkwardly motions to their right after a moment, and says, “Lead the way.”
Nick smiles again before turning to do just that. Only, he pauses for a brief moment. Before Charlie can ask what’s up, Nick turns back around and gently grabs Charlie’s hand from where it’s hanging at his side, intertwining their fingers. Nick’s eyes come up to his, looking a bit anxious as if he doesn’t know if what he’s doing is alright or not. So, despite his shock, Charlie smiles softly at him and gives Nick’s hand a brief squeeze because, of course it’s alright.
Nick’s responding smile is blinding, but he quickly turns and begins to drag Charlie along with him, so Charlie is forced to keep up with him instead of standing there frozen.
What the fuck is happening?
Hand-holding is not new between them. Physical touch is Nick’s love language, which Charlie discovered pretty early into their friendship. He’s always seeking out some form of physical contact, no matter how small. So, it’s definitely not abnormal for them to hold hands.
Charlie doesn’t know why it feels so different this time though.
This whole situation just feels…different.
He’s not entirely sure how to explain it.
It’s not awkward, thankfully. But, there’s almost apprehension between them, when normally everything comes so naturally there’s no room for hesitancy.
It must just be the time apart. They just need to get used to being in each other’s space again before they fall back into their usual rhythm.
Yeah, that’s all.
For sure.
The walk to Nick’s car goes by quickly, and Nick helps him put his bag in the boot before they both climb in the car. Charlie’s a little worried that things are going to be a bit stilted and it’ll become awkward, especially with how the last few minutes went, but thankfully he has nothing to worry about.
As Nick drives, he asks about how the train was. In turn, Charlie asks how Nick’s rugby match went yesterday, and Nick asks how Tao and Elle are doing in London. Once Charlie spots it, he takes the piss out of Nick for having a photo of Charlie with his dogs hanging from the rearview mirror even though it makes his heart feel full enough to burst.
When they pull up to Nick’s uni accommodation, Charlie’s heart rate picks up and his palms begin to sweat.
Fuck. Okay.
Nick’s friends will not hate him. Hopefully.
Nick’s told him so much about them, that he feels like he knows them already. They sound like perfectly nice people, and if Nick thinks they’re good enough to be friends with them, then so will he. There’s no need to be nervous, really.
“Char?”
Nick’s voice pulls him out of his own head enough for him to realise that they are stopped and Nick is now staring at him, probably trying to talk to him.
“You alright?”
“Yeah. I’m good.”
Nick raises an eyebrow (or he tries to, but really fails and raises both) and tilts his head to the side. “You sure? You seem nervous.”
Charlie grimaces. “No. I mean-Maybe a little.”
Nick just continues to look at him, oh so patiently. His head is still tilted and his face is so open that he looks like a puppy trying to understand what their human is saying. Charlie can’t hold out in the face of that.
“What if your friends don’t like me? What if they think I’m just some gay nerd who is too uncool to be your friend? I don’t want things to be awkward because these are the people you"re around every day now. So, if they don’t like me then-”
“Hey, Char.”
Charlie finally pauses and turns to look at Nick. “Yeah?”
Nick gives him a reassuring smile. “They’ll like you. I promise.”
“But-”
“No, I’m serious. There’s no way they won’t. You’re like the greatest person ever, so anyone would like you.” He talks over Charlie"s protestations. “But beyond that, I’ve already told them so much about you that they basically already know you.”
“You have?”
Nick flushes a light pink, but he nods anyway. “Well, yeah. You’re my favourite person. So, of course, I’ve told them about you.”
Charlie"s heart clenches in his chest, and butterflies start-up in his stomach. “I’m your favourite person?”
Nick laughs a little self-deprecatingly before he smiles. “Wasn’t it obvious?”
Charlie shakes his head slightly in disbelief but quickly realises that he should clarify. “You’re my favourite person, too.”
It comes out much softer than he wants it to, but he doesn’t have long to be embarrassed before Nick reaches over and abruptly wraps his arms around him, yet again.
“Oof- Nick, why-”
“Am I really?” Nick’s voice is muffled from where his face is planted in Charlie’s curls, but he still hears the vulnerability in Nick’s voice loud and clear.
He feels like saying all of this out loud is a little too revealing of his erm ‘feelings’ for Nick, but he also needs Nick to know that he wouldn’t just say that.
“Well…yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious, what with me coming all the way out here to see you, but maybe not.”
Nick laughs a little before he pulls back (way too soon if you ask Charlie). His face is a charming shade of pink, and his eyes are so bright. Charlie can’t have even a little bit of regret for saying what he did if it made Nick look like this.
“Well, I guess we’re both idiots then.”
As the two of them stare at one another, Charlie feels that weird tension come back, but even so, he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. So, being as brave as he can ever remember being, he reaches out and squeezes Nick’s hand. “I guess we are.”
A car door slams a few spots over from them, swiftly breaking them out of their little bubble, and they awkwardly turn away from one another fidgeting with their hands and clothes.
Nick clears his throat. “Well, um, are you ready to go in then? I think both of my flatmates will be there, so we’ll probably see them.”
Oh right. That’s what’s about to happen.
Okay, he can do this.
Charlie takes a deep breath, bracing himself, and nods stiffly.
“I promise it’ll be okay,” Nick says, and Charlie turns to face him again.
Nick looks so confident and sure that Charlie isn’t about to argue with him even if his brain is still internally screaming. So, he nods again, this time more smoothly, and then they both move to get out of the car.
It’ll be okay. It’s just Nick’s uni friends. No pressure whatsoever.
—--------
Several hours later, Charlie is sitting tucked up on a sofa holding a lukewarm drink. Nick is on his left side, and one of his new friends, Mel, is on Charlie’s other side. The two of them are yelling at each other across Charlie to be heard over the music as they argue over whether Captain America or Iron Man was right in Civil War.
Charlie couldn’t care less about their argument, but he’s still thoroughly entertained. Nick is so pretty when he’s passionate about something, so Charlie is basically just tuning them out to more closely watch Nick’s very expressive face as he gets more and more agitated.
When Nick had asked if he wanted to attend a party at some of his new teammates" house, he’d been briefly hesitant before ultimately deciding that he should do it, if only to get the proper uni experience.
Meeting Nick’s mates had actually gone quite well (Nick made sure to tell him he told him so). Nick’s flatmates, Theo and Max, had been extremely excited to meet him, citing the numerous things that Nick had already told them about him.
They both seemed genuinely kind, if a bit laddish and getting to watch them interact with Nick further assured Charlie that Nick was genuinely making proper friends.
After introductions, Nick had excused them to his room, which Charlie had seen dozens of times over FaceTime, but was much smaller in actuality. Despite that, the room was very Nick-esque and definitely reminded him of Nick’s room at home.
Getting to see it in person revealed to him a wall that he hadn’t had a chance to see in their calls that was covered in photos of Nick’s friends and family from back home. There must have been a dozen of Nellie and Henry alone, and yet, they weren’t the ones most featured on the wall. Instead, to Charlie’s surprise (and delight), his face was up there significantly more than any others.
Nick was always taking candids of Charlie that embarrassed him to no end, but seeing them on his wall hundreds of kilometres from home, he couldn’t help but love them. His chest had felt oddly warm as he’d stood there staring at the wall, and, mortifyingly, his eyes had felt a little damp.
He was so stupid to ever think that Nick would just forget about him and their friendship.
Once Charlie had managed to tear his gaze off of the photos and put his stuff away, Nick insisted on showing him around Leeds.
Walking around the unfamiliar area with Nick, Charlie couldn’t help but stare in awe at the other boy instead of their surroundings. Nick was so animated and lit up as he showed off his new life that Charlie couldn’t possibly look at anything else.
He’d always imagined that getting to see a glimpse of Nick’s new life would only make him feel further removed from Nick, and yet, he was feeling the opposite.
Nick seemed so genuinely excited to have Charlie there with him, to get the chance to show him all of his new favourite places that Charlie had only thus far heard about. It was so plainly obvious that Nick had picked the right place for uni, and Charlie couldn’t resent it for that reason even though it meant Nick was so far away.
They’d stopped and picked up takeout that they’d eaten while watching yet another Marvel film much to Charlie’s chagrin. Really though, he couldn’t care too much about the film when he was finally back with Nick, the two of them back in their usual routine.
He’d really, really missed it - missed Nick.
Apparently, Nick felt the same as he never stopped touching Charlie, the entire day. It was small things, like a hand on his arm as he pointed at something while showing him around, or ruffling his hair as he walked by him in his room, or tucking his feet under Charlie’s thigh as they ate and watched the film. He was evidently feeling touch deprived much like Charlie, which made sense seeing as he probably wasn’t comfortable enough with his new uni friends to seek out the physical touch he needed. Surely, that was the only reason.
After they"d finished eating, it had been time for them to get ready before they headed out to the house party Nick had been invited to, courtesy of being on the rugby team.
Charlie had known there was a possibility they would end up at a party, so he"d packed his usual party attire. It was nothing special and truly not that far from what he’d normally wear, and yet, when Nick came back in the room from the bathroom and found Charlie attempting to wrangle his hair in the mirror, he had stopped dead in his tracks.
Charlie was too preoccupied with his hair, growing increasingly frustrated as his curls continued to ignore his attempts at styling to notice Nick standing behind him. When he finally gave up on his hair, he turned around and jumped at Nick standing directly behind him, completely frozen.
“Shit, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”
Nick had stood frozen for another moment before he shook his head as though trying to clear away whatever he’d been thinking about. “No ‘s’ word, Charles.”
“Okay. Sor-”
“Charlie!”
“Ugh, okay,” Charlie had mimed zipping his mouth shut and tossing the key over his shoulder.
Nick had smiled at their horrible running joke as usual, but he’d still seemed a bit stuck in his head.
Before Charlie could ask him if he was alright, Nick had suddenly moved until he was in Charlie’s personal space and reached his hand up. Up that close, Charlie had easily made out the deep blush that started at Nick’s cheeks and went all the way down under the hem of his shirt. Still bemused and entirely unsure of what was happening, Charlie had merely stood as still as possible, not wanting to scare Nick off.
Fulfilling his supposed purpose for moving into Charlie’s space, Nick had ever so gently fixed one of his curls before he let his hand drop back to his side. He’d remained close to Charlie though, his eyes finally falling to meet Charlie’s.
Then he’d completely blindsided Charlie by saying, “You look really good.”
Not having a single clue what to say in response, Charlie had stood there with his mouth gaping open like a fish. Nick seemed so sincere, and Charlie was feeling extremely flustered, and it was all very confusing.
As Charlie had finally tried to formulate actual words (he’d had no idea what was actually going to come out of his mouth), one of Nick’s flatmates had abruptly knocked on the door. “Hey, Nick. Are you both ready to head out?”
Charlie had automatically jerked away from Nick, feeling as though they had been caught red-handed. Doing what? He had no clue.
Nick seemed unaffected though as he stayed where he was, not even taking his gaze away from Charlie to respond. “Yeah, be out in just a second.”
Too rattled to hold Nick’s stare, Charlie had turned away, looking aimlessly for his phone. When he’d found it and turned around, about to ask Nick if he was ready if only to break the silence, he’d discovered Nick going about business as usual, putting on his shoes. When Nick had finished tying his Vans, he’d stood up and gifted Charlie his usual lopsided smile. “Ready to go?”
Completely thrown off by Nick"s casualness, but not knowing how to ask what the fuck had just happened, Charlie simply nodded, and let Nick lead the way out of his room.
So, that’s how Charlie finds himself sitting in an extremely crowded house, flush against Nick’s side, surrounded by nobody he knows, well except he now has at least been introduced to Mel. Apparently, she’s dating one of the other first years on the team and she"s also in Nick’s Cognitive Psychology module. As such, Nick sees her often, and they"ve become fast friends.
She seems great. Very funny and a bit sarcastic with a resting face that says she’ll kill anyone who gets too close. And yet, Charlie can tell she is a genuinely caring person, who likely uses said face to defend the people she cares about. He sees this in the way she talks about becoming friends with Nick, and in the way that she tells someone to back off when they get too close to Charlie"s personal space.
She’d been so excited to meet Charlie (even if her face didn’t exactly show it), and had immediately enveloped him in a crushing hug. When she’d pulled back, she had punched Nick in the arm before teasing him.
"All he does is talk about you, so it"s about fucking time he brings you around and actually introduces us."
Charlie had been a bit flustered, unsure what to say after she"d said she wanted to see if he lived up to the hype, but she"d quickly assured him he already was.
She"d stayed with them as Nick had basically paraded him about introducing him to most of his teammates and a few more of their partners. She was always there to save the day when he stumbled a bit over introductions or didn"t know what to say as they made more comments about Nick incessantly telling them about him. By the time Nick had decided that was enough introductions and had dragged Charlie over to a sofa out of the way, Mel was hanging onto his arm telling him embarrassing stories of Nick being sloshed during freshers week. As far as Charlie"s concerned, she"s basically his new favourite person, which Nick had been defensive about (Charlie made sure to give his hand a reassuring squeeze to let him know he was just joking).
Nick gently elbows him in the side, knocking him from his drifting thoughts, and Charlie turns to look at him. Nick has both eyebrows raised and he’s nodding his head, saying, “Right, Char?”
At this point, Charlie has no fucking idea what he and Mel were talking about, but of course he’s on Nick’s side. So, he simply nods. “Yeah. Right.”
“See?!” Nick gestures empathically at Mel who just shakes her head.
“Charlie, what did Nick just say?”
Charlie can feel his face get very warm, very quickly. Shit. “Um.”
Before he can respond, someone walks by the sofa, knocking their knee into Charlie’s drink which he was holding in his lap, effectively spilling half of it on the floor, and half of it on his jeans. The person is gone before any of them can say anything, although Charlie can hear Mel muttering some choice words from next to him.
“Shit,” Nick is the first to actually react, quickly standing up and pulling Charlie with him so that he’s no longer standing in a puddle of his former drink. “Um, why don’t you go find the loo, and I’ll go grab you another drink?”
As much as Charlie doesn’t want to be separated from Nick, he’s not really in a position to protest and force Nick to go to the bathroom with him, so he nods. “Okay. Any idea where it is?”
Apparently, while Nick and Charlie had been talking, Mel had gotten up to grab some paper towels from who knows where and was now attempting to clean the majority of the mess. “Fucking wanker. Who just goes around knocking into people and not even saying sorry?”
Nick quickly points to a hallway directly in front of them. “It’s down there, on the right. Meet you back here?”
Once he gets Charlie’s nod of confirmation, he squats down to help Mel who is still cursing under her breath. Charlie really likes her.
Surprisingly, there’s no line when Charlie reaches the loo, so he’s able to go right in. A look in the mirror reveals that the stain isn’t all that bad. They’re black jeans anyway so you can’t tell outside of the area being a bit darker, but even then it’s so small.
Still, he doesn’t want to smell like vodka the rest of the night, so he attempts to wet a hand towel and wipe at it. Obviously it doesn’t do much, but he doesn"t care enough to find a better solution.
Within a few moments, he’s done as much as he can with his half-assed solution. So, he puts the now dirty towel on the counter, not knowing where else to put it, and then reflexively reaches up to mess with his perpetually messy curls now that he"s in front of a mirror. Again, there’s not much he can do. So, after a minute or so of fidgeting with his hair, he goes back out into the hallway.
He’s able to find his way back to where he left Mel and Nick relatively easily, but when he gets there, neither of them are anywhere to be found.
The ground is no longer covered in the rest of Charlie’s drink, but a quick glance around the room reveals that neither of them.
Figuring Nick is likely still in the kitchen grabbing drinks, Charlie tries to navigate his way there.
As he does so, he easily spots Nick’s familiar copper-coloured hair, his back to him. Relieved, he gets within a few metres of him, and is about to call his name, when he notices that Nick is talking to someone in front of him.
Charlie’s fairly certain he doesn’t recognise the girl. In the whirlwind of introductions when they’d first gotten to the party, he"d definitely only been able to keep track of a few people, but he’s pretty sure he hadn’t met her.
She’s objectively pretty. And she’s also clearly flirting - leaning in, her hand resting on Nick’s bicep, giggling at whatever it is he’s saying.
Charlie tries not to feel anything about it. He has no right to. Obviously, he and Nick are not dating. So, it’s not like Nick is doing anything wrong that should in any way affect Charlie.
This is bound to happen really. Nick is an objectively attractive man. Charlie’s sure he gets flirted with all of the time. He just doesn’t think he remembers ever having seen it happen before.
A deep ache settles behind his sternum and he can’t resist bringing up a hand to attempt to rub it away.
God, he’s so dumb.
After the first Almost Kiss™, hadn"t he decided that he needed to let go of his feelings for Nick? What happened to moving on and being completely satisfied with their friendship the way it is?
Obviously, he"d just been lying to himself. Standing there, it"s clear to him that he"s in way deeper than he"d ever thought. He can only lie to himself for so long, and apparently, this is his wake-up call. Fuck, this is bad.
He’s still standing there, likely looking a bit like a kicked puppy, when Nick turns his head. He must catch sight of Charlie in his peripheral vision because he fully turns over his shoulder making a face Charlie can’t quite read.
He does see the way that Nick subtly (for perhaps the first time ever in his life) gestures for Charlie to come over.
He really doesn’t want to interrupt whatever is going on, nor does he want to be introduced to her, but it’s too late for him to act like he didn’t see Nick.
So, he closes the distance between himself and Nick. However, as soon as he’s in arm’s reach, Nick reaches out and wraps a finger in Charlie’s belt loop, pulling him in before he wraps an arm around his shoulders, pressing him into his side. As he’s doing so, he leans his head down so his mouth is level with Charlie’s ear causing him to shiver at the feeling of Nick’s warm breath. “I’m sorry. Please just go along with this.”
Then he pulls back, and Charlie is left standing there, red in the face and completely dumbfounded.
“Darling, this is Olivia. Olivia this is my boyfriend, Charlie. I was just telling her about you and how you finally came all the way out here to visit me since I’ve been missing you so much, babe.”
Charlie nearly chokes on his own spit, but before he can turn his head to ask Nick what the hell is going on, Nick gently squeezes his shoulder from where his hand is still resting. It makes Charlie stop and think for a second, replaying what Nick had said when he’d walked up.
Oh.
Oh.
He has no fucking idea why Nick would lie and say they were dating (?!?), or even why he would ever insinuate that he’s in a relationship with a man when he could have just made up a girlfriend, but Nick seems to have a plan. So, trapped and not wanting to ruin Nick’s plan, he decides to go along with it.
After all, it can’t be hard to pretend to be in love with Nick. Not when he actually is (even saying it in his head makes him feel a bit dizzy).
All he has to do is actually go through with what he would do if he and Nick were actually dating. It can"t be that hard.
So, for the first time ever, he lets himself do what he wants to Nick. Which apparently means reaching around to slide his left hand into Nick’s back pocket (restraint absolutely nowhere to be seen) and leaning further into Nick’s side, letting his head fall on the taller boy’s shoulder. Nick, apparently unfazed by the onslaught of contact, leans down and plants a gentle kiss (!!) on Charlie’s curls. After taking a singular moment to let that sink in (ahhh), Charlie opens his eyes and puts his hand out towards Olivia. “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m the boyfriend.”
To Olivia’s credit, she doesn’t look angry or judgy. Perhaps a bit taken aback, but she still musters a smile and leans forward to awkwardly shake Charlie’s hand. “Hi...”
“She caught me while I was making your drink. I just told her about the asshole who ran into you and didn’t even apologize. People can be so rude, right love?”
Charlie nods and hums along absently as Nick goes on, still carefully watching Olivia. He’s waiting for her to lash out or say something terrible, but after a minute or two, he starts to think that maybe she’s not going to. He can see her eyes catching on where his hand is blatantly resting on Nick’s ass (holy fuck), but she still lets Nick continue to blabber on, nodding along with a polite smile on her face.
One Nick comes to the end of his rant, Olivia finally looks up at the two of them again. Her cheeks are a bit pink, and Charlie honestly feels a bit bad for her, but he sees her take a deep breath and stand up a bit straighter before she smiles at them. “Well, um, it was nice to meet you both, but I should probably go find my friend and make sure she’s okay. So…”
Nick, either completely oblivious or a much better actor than Charlie thought, waves enthusiastically, shouting after her as she leaves, “Nice to meet you, too!”
When she’s out of sight, Charlie immediately pulls his hand from Nick’s back pocket. He doesn’t let go of him because Olivia could very much be looking, but he does move his hand to Nick’s lower back instead. Nick continues to hold him exactly as he had been, his hand that had been on Charlie’s shoulder now absently twirling a strand of Charlie’s hair around his finger.
When Charlie finally lets himself look up at Nick, he finds Nick’s gaze already resting on him, watching where his hand is playing with Charlie’s curl. He’s not sure what to say - terrified to break the moment and make Nick realise what they’d just done.
As if Nick can hear his thoughts, Nick gently tugs on the curl wrapped around his finger, drawing Charlie’s gaze up to his. “You alright?”
Oh yeah. Totally great. Not at all about to freak out. This is just his dream brought to life. No big deal.
Charlie swallows thickly before he successfully gets words out. “Um, yeah. I’m good. You?”
He’s almost afraid to ask, but he also needs to know if he just made a massive mistake going along with whatever that just was.
Nick smiles gently though. “Yeah. Thank you for doing this…”
He begins to pull back, and Charlie lets his hands fall away instantly. Nick is facing him now, his expression tight and a bit concerned. He"s silent for a brief moment before he blurts out his next words. “I’m sorry I didn"t actually get to ask if it was okay beforehand. She was hitting on me and I felt bad just outright rejecting her because she was being perfectly nice about it, so I lied and said I had a partner. But then she started asking why I was alone at a party without them, and I was panicking. But I knew you would come looking for me at some point, so my stupid brain decided that was good enough. And I’m just so, so sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have-”
Showing zero signs of stopping, Nick seems on the verge of a breakdown. His hands have come up to grip Charlie"s shoulders like he can imbue just how sorry he is through his touch alone. His eyes, which are staring almost blankly down at his hands, are red-rimmed like he could cry any second, which is the last thing Charlie wants. So, while Charlie is still wildly confused and on the verge of a nervous breakdown himself, he needs to make sure Nick is okay.
“Hey Nick?”
Nick stops upon hearing his voice, and his eyes finally settle on Charlie’s. “Yeah?”
“It’s okay. I promise. I wouldn’t have gone along with it if I wasn’t okay with it. So, no more sorries, okay?”
Nick’s eyes still look a bit teary, but he’s finally looking at Charlie again instead of through him, and his grip has relaxed a bit. “You’re sure.”
“Yes. Promise.”
Nick’s shoulders finally relax. “Okay.”
Charlie is sure that this isn’t the last apology he’ll get from Nick, but for now, he’s calmed down enough that he’s pretty sure they’re through the thick of it. So, he grabs one of Nick’s hands from his shoulders and gently pulls him further into the kitchen. “I think that we should both grab another drink. What do you think?”
Nick lets himself be pulled along, absently nodding his head. “Okay, yeah.”
When they get to the countertop laden with booze as far as the eye can see, Charlie gently directs Nick to lean back against the sink. He still seems a bit out of it, clearly in his own head, but at least he’s no longer about to cry.
Charlie turns to look at the drink options, completely overwhelmed before his eyes land on lemonade. Nick likes lemonade. He can work with this.
Once he’s made both himself and Nick a vodka and lemonade, he turns around and puts one in Nick’s hand. “Alright. Drink up.”
Nick takes it without another word and immediately downs most of it. Charlie watches on both impressed and horrified before Nick brings the cup back down. “Well alright then. Want another?”
Nick finally seems to be coming back to himself, and he hands the cup back to Charlie but shakes his head. “No. Maybe a beer?”
“Got it.”
He grabs the first beer he sees which is disgustingly lukewarm, but it’ll have to do. Then he pops the cap off a beer before he passes it to Nick. This time, he doesn’t start chugging it, he just starts to aimlessly pick at the already peeling label on the bottle. “Thank you.”
“No problem.”
Charlie expects them to just stand there in silence for a minute, but still not making eye contact with Charlie, Nick speaks up. “Were you able to get the drink off your jeans?”
Encouraged by the fact that Nick is at least talking, he responds quickly. “There really wasn’t much on them, but I did my best.”
“That’s good.” Nick smiles to himself a little. “I thought Mel was going to personally hunt down the person that did it and rip them a new one.”
Charlie laughs. “Yeah, I kind of got that vibe.”
After a brief pause, he continues. “She’s really great, Nick. I’m glad you guys are friends.”
Nick finally looks up at him, smiling very endearingly. “She is. Really great, I mean.”
“Where did she disappear to by the way?”
At Charlie’s question, Nick frowns. “Um. I don’t actually know. I assume she went to find her boyfriend, Matt, if she wasn’t there when you got back, but I’m not sure.”
“Oh. Well, as long as she’s safe.”
Nick’s frown deepens. “Actually, let’s go look where I know Matt was with some of the other lads earlier. I just wanna be sure.”
Nick’s already moving before he abruptly stops and turns back around. “Er, I mean. You don’t have to come with me, but I just-”
“No, yeah. Let’s go.”
With (almost) no hesitation, Nick holds his hand out.
It only makes sense for Charlie to take it. You know, cause, like it’s crowded and he doesn’t know his way around and whatnot.
Once Charlie abandons his still mostly untouched drink, they’re off. They quickly pass through the kitchen, and skirt around the edge of the lounge, avoiding the many bodies dancing in the middle of the room. When they reach the back door, Nick holds it open, leading Charlie out with a hand at the small of his back (that really should not be hot especially after all of the physical contact earlier but apparently his body doesn"t care).
There are just as many people in the garden as there are in the lounge, so it takes a second for Nick to find who he’s looking for. Once he does though, he gently pulls Charlie behind him until they reach a group of guys all standing in a circle around one boy who is currently chugging who-knows-what out of what looks to be a bucket.
Ignoring that, Nick lets go of Charlie’s hand and walks up to a man with dark hair, standing on the outer ring of the circle. When he’s close enough, he claps him on the shoulder before he leans in to ask him a question. The man looks at Nick and shrugs before he says something. Whatever it is makes Nick roll his eyes, but the guy holds up both of his hands as if to say he’s innocent. Nick says something else then turns away before the other man can respond.
When he gets back to Charlie, he grabs his hand again, almost as if it’s automatic, and drags him away from the group of boys who are now whooping loudly.
He leads Charlie closer to the door, but doesn’t take them inside, instead pulling him around the corner of the house where it’s a bit quieter before he leans against the wall. Charlie follows suit, leaning one shoulder against the wall, so he’s facing Nick. “So, I’m assuming she’s okay?”
Nick already has his phone out, thumbs moving quickly, but he looks up as soon as he sends whatever he’d been typing. “Yeah. That was Matt. He said she told him she was tired and going to head back. He didn’t bother to help her get back, but apparently she told him she didn’t need help. He ordered her an Uber though, so she should be fine.”
“I assume you were texting her just now to check in.”
“Yeah, Matt’s not a bad guy, and I don’t think he was lying, but I still wanna be sure.”
Charlie smiles softly at the side of Nick’s face, warmed by how much Nick cares for his friends. He hasn’t known Mel more than a couple of months, but already he’s so protective, watching out for her just like he always does. That’s just how Nick is.
Nick must see him watching him out of the side of his vision because he turns his head so his cheek is resting against the wall. Upon seeing Charlie’s smile, Nick smiles like it’s his body’s natural response to be happy when Charlie is. “What’re you smiling at?”
Charlie gently shakes his head, or tries to, what with it resting against the wall, and smiles even wider. “Nothing. You’re just cute.”
Um, fuck. Okay then. Apparently he has no brain to mouth filter right now.
Nick doesn’t seem phased though. Instead, he laughs and pushes himself up and to the side so he’s closer to Charlie. “I’m cute?”
Charlie can feel how warm his cheeks are, but Nick doesn’t seem to be reacting badly, so he decides to stick his ground. “Yeah. It’s admirable that you care about your friends so deeply.”
Nick’s smile grows impossibly fond before his expression changes and he laughs. “You know, I once told Tao something very similar.”
Involuntarily, Charlie feels his eyebrows raise in surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah. That was a long time ago though. Back when I was first getting to know your friends.”
“Our friends.”
Nick’s eyebrows draw together and his nose scrunches a bit. “What?”
It’s Charlie’s turn to roll his eyes. “They’re our friends. Not my friends.”
Nick seems to consider this for a moment. “I mean yeah, they’re our friends now, but that’s only because me and you became friends first. You’re the glue that binds us.”
God, again with the blushing, Charlie"s surprised he"s not just permanently red at this point. “Well-”
“Hey, no, you can’t say I’m wrong. I’m simply stating the truth.”
Charlie wants to continue to protest - to make Nick understand that their friends love him equally because he is good and caring and one of the best people any of them know. But Nick must see him about to say something because he pushes his finger against his lips, shushing him.
All at once, Charlie becomes aware of how close they are. Nick must have moved in his haste to shut him up because they definitely weren’t this close even a minute ago.
It’s mostly dark out here on the side of the house, only the moon’s light reaching them. Despite the near darkness, Charlie can make out each of Nick’s freckles splashed across his nose. And when he blinks, Charlie watches in almost a trance at the way his pale eyelashes sweep against his cheek. He was so right earlier today. Nick is beautiful.
The only sound between them is their breathing, slightly faster than normal, but still in sync. Connected as always.
Nick’s finger gently pulls away from his lips, but doesn’t stop touching him completely. Ever so gently, his thumb comes up to rest on just his bottom lip, sliding across it, and Charlie’s mouth parts automatically under the pressure.
Vaguely, Charlie hears Nick’s sharp inhale, but his brain is too busy screaming ‘close, close, very close’ for him to really register it.
He looks up, instantly making eye contact with Nick.
God, even with minimal light, Charlie can make out how blown Nick’s eyes are; his pupils so wide only the thinnest ring of his irises remain.
There"s still a fair amount of space between them, but even so, Charlie can feel Nick’s warm breath on every exhale, and as that always does, it’s making him a bit dizzy.
Suddenly, Nick’s hand falls away from his mouth, leaving him cold in the absence of Nick’s overwhelming warmth.
“Sorry, you had something on your lip,” He says. His voice is slightly uneven, and his eyes are still caught on Charlie’s mouth, but otherwise, he seems totally normal.
Nick’s phone dings loudly from his pocket, and Nick draws back instantly to check it.
“Oh good. Mel said she made it home safely.”
Nick looks completely unaffected as he types out a response, but Charlie feels like a goddamn mess, plastered to the wall, still very much affected by whatever the fuck that was. Was that another Almost Kiss™? No, surely not. They weren’t even that close, and Nick was just helping him out, clearing away whatever was on his lip. Yeah. Okay, not an Almost Kiss™ then.
Somewhere nearby, the backdoor opens and the music from the lounge spills outside.
Nick hastily looks up from his phone and smiles widely. “Oh my god, Char. It’s your favourite song. We need to go dance. Come on.”
He insistently puts his hand out, impatiently waiting for Charlie to grab it.
Charlie’s still dazed and half convinced he’s now one with the wall, but Nick doesn"t give him a chance to complete his and the wall"s fusion. Instead, he simply grabs Charlie’s hand, pulling him along. “Come on, before it’s over!”
The second they make it inside, they’re hit with a wall of warmth that helps bring Charlie back from whatever out-of-body moment he was having.
Nick continues to pull them until they are somewhere in the mass of people dancing, and grabs hold of Charlie’s other hand facing him head-on so that he’s now holding both of Charlie’s hands in his own. He starts to ‘dance’ the way they normally would, moving their arms back and forth in time with the song, well almost in time. Still feeling the whiplash of the abrupt change in tone, Charlie shakes his head before finally moving along with Nick, attempting to get them actually in time with the music.
What an absolute mindfuck of a night.
They stay there for another couple of songs, and the dancing helps Charlie shake off whatever weirdness he"s feeling. It feels good to just be in the moment for a little while. To laugh at Nick’s horrible dance moves and contribute some of his own as well. It helps him ignore the bubbling anxiety he"s starting to feel at all of the weird moments between him and Nick tonight.
It also makes him realise that Nick has spent the whole night with him and not his uni friends.
Charlie knew that Nick wasn’t just going to abandon him at some uni party and fuck off with his new mates, but he hadn’t expected Nick to stay by his side the entire time either. Nick’s flatmates had disappeared pretty much as soon as they’d arrived at the party, and Nick had checked in with the guys from rugby for introductions, but otherwise didn’t seem inclined to talk to anyone else beyond introducing Charlie. He woud be worried that Nick felt obligated to not leave his side, but Nick looks as happy as Charlie has ever seen him as the two of them goof off in the middle of a crowded party.
Huh. Maybe he’s missed Charlie just as much as Charlie has missed him.
After at least twenty minutes of terrible dancing, Nick leans into his space so that he can be heard over the crowd and the music. “You ready to leave?”
When Nick pulls back, Charlie nods, sufficiently tired out and feeling as though he’s experienced enough of the authentic uni experience for the night. Nick smiles at Charlie’s likely very tired smile, and yet again, pulls him along behind him as he weaves his way toward the door.
Right before they reach it, Nick suddenly stops, causing Charlie to run into his back. Nick laughs a little as he turns around and puts steadying hands on Charlie’s shoulders. “Shit, sorry. I totally forgot that I should probably check in with Theo and Max. Neither of them ever remembers to charge their phones before we come to these things, so I’m just gonna go look for them real quick. If I can’t find them in like five minutes, I’ll just text them to let them know we’re leaving and come back.”
“Okay.” Charlie nods, too tired to insist that he follow along with Nick. It’ll be faster if Nick goes by himself. Plus, he knows that fresh air will help him feel a bit more alert even if it is a bit cold this time of year. “I’m gonna go wait on the porch.”
Nick smiles, “Okay, I’ll be back in just a minute. Call me if you need anything.”
Charlie nods again, very ready to find something to lean against, and Nick gives his shoulders one last squeeze before he walks back into the party.
Charlie watches him until he disappears around the corner and then he heads outside, already pulling his jumper sleeves down over his hands. Earlier with Nick in the back, he’d had his furnace-like body heat to keep him warm, but now without him, he can tell just how cold it actually is.
He was right though, the second he’s outside, his brain feels a bit less foggy.
It’s nice and peaceful out here after the chaos inside. He walks a little to the left, leaning against the wall of the house again. It’s cold at first, but also necessary. Just because his brain feels less tired doesn’t mean his body is any less ready to collapse into bed now that he"s not distracted.
He’s only out there by himself for a couple of minutes, absently gazing at his phone when the front door opens. He looks up expecting to find Nick and instead is greeted by the sight of none other than Olivia. She’s not alone this time; there’s another girl with her.
The friend is clearly the least drunk of the two of them and is trying to help Olivia get down the porch steps without falling. As such, neither of them notices Charlie standing not far from them.
“I’m just so embarrassed,” Olivia hiccups before she starts talking again. “He’s so hot. Like so hot, so I knew it was a long shot, but still."
She pauses and sighs, swaying a bit to the side before her friend grabs her shoulder. "I mean, I’m glad it’s just that he has a boyfriend, I guess that’s better than him just not being attracted to me, right?"
Her friend is humming along, clearly having heard this already, but Charlie’s heart is beating erratically in his chest. God, this is so fucking awkward.
Apparently, Nick’s insane method of pretending they were dating had actually spared her feelings a bit.
As if summoned by Charlie’s thoughts of him, Nick opens the door at that moment, calling out for him. “Char? You here?”
Olivia turns around at the sound of Nick’s voice, face instantly conflicted.
Fuck.
Nick’s about to accidentally reveal that they’re just friends which will only make her feel worse.
…Maybe he should keep up the act.
Nick had done it once, so surely he’d understand if Charlie did it again, right?
Nick hasn’t noticed Olivia yet, but he does finally find Charlie, a smile instantly lighting up his face.
Fuck. Shit.
Okay. He’s just gonna do it.
He walks up to Nick, immediately wrapping his arms around Nick’s neck and pulling him down so their faces are level with each other. “Hey, sweetheart. You’re back.”
Nick’s face instantly goes pink at the nickname, but he lets Charlie pull him close without question, his hands coming up to rest on Charlie’s waist automatically. Charlie catches his gaze trying to communicate the situation, but it only makes Nick look confused.
Um, shit okay, he’s gotta do something.
He reaches up onto his toes and brings his mouth to Nick’s ear.
“Olivia’s right behind us.” He whispers as lowly as he possibly can because it’s incredibly quiet out here, and he’s worried his voice will carry. That just means his lips are basically brushing Nick"s ear as he speaks. He feels Nick shiver softly under where his hands are still resting at the back of his neck before Nick pulls him the slightest bit closer with his grip that has slipped down to Charlie’s hips.
He feels one of his fingers tap twice against his hip, an acknowledgement of what he said before Nick brings his head down to rest in the crook of Charlie’s neck.
“Sorry I left you alone, baby,” Nick says at a normal volume, clearly trying to sell this.
Charlie’s stomach flips at both the name and the feeling of Nick’s lips against his neck as he speaks.
Faintly, Charlie can hear frantic shushing and footsteps moving down the drive away from them, but he’s too wrapped up in Nick to pay it much attention.
Nick brings his face up from where he’s been resting, leaning his forehead against Charlie’s.
Shit.
This is a mistake.
What the hell was he thinking?
He barely survived earlier when they did this and Nick was barely touching him more than he normally does. This though, this is…intimate.
Just like earlier, he can feel Nick’s exhales against his chin, but they’re much more concentrated this time as he’s that much closer. He smells faintly of lemonade and under that his usual warm cinnamon scent. It shouldn"t be an intoxicating combination, but it definitely is.
Nick’s too close for Charlie to look at his eyes, so he lets himself focus on Nick’s mouth. It’s slightly parted, his bottom lip glistening in the moonlight from where he’d just run his tongue over it, and he has to hold back an embarrassing sound at the sight of it.
Fuck. This is- He needs to stop this, like now.
But Nick doesn’t seem in any rush to pull away - one of his hands travelling from Charlie’s hip to the arch of his back, pulling him even closer despite there being almost no discernible space. Shit, he can feel Nick pressed against him from knees to chest; every breath Nick takes pushes his chest into Charlie’s.
They’ve obviously been this close before, basically every time they hug, but fuck, this is different. Apparently, that"s the theme of the day.
Nick’s nose brushes his as he slowly tilts his head to the side, and the feeling is so sweet and innocent, starkly contrasting with everything else that some barrier inside him shatters and he can’t hold in a small whimper. His eyes close in embarrassment but before he can feel too bad about it, Nick brings the hand from his back up to cup his jaw, angling his head just so as he murmurs his name. "Char."
And then that’s it - his lips are right there, a hair’s breadth away.
Holy shit, Nick’s going to kiss him. Oh god. He’s going to die.
Just then, a car door slams behind them, and they both freeze.
Oh. Right. This isn’t real.
Before Charlie can pull away from Nick and run away in mortification never to be heard from again, Nick uses the hand still on his face to tilt it to the side. He then presses the gentlest kiss Charlie has ever felt against his cheek, lips only barely touching his skin. He doesn’t breathe the entire time Nick stays there (really only a couple of seconds), and when he does finally pull away, Charlie gasps for air like he’s been drowning.
His face is on fire, and his heart is beating faster than he can ever remember it having done before.
Nick doesn’t go far though. He only pulls far enough away that they aren’t pressed together from head to toe, but he"s still very much in Charlie"s space.
Trying frantically to collect himself so that he can appear cool, calm, and collected (as if he’s ever been like that in his life), Charlie takes a deep breath, opens his eyes, and is immediately met with a very red Nick Nelson staring at him with parted lips, blown pupils, and mussed hair.
Well fuck composure, that’s sure as fuck not happening now. Not when Nick looks wrecked, like Charlie imagines he would if they ever-
No. Nope, not going there.
The sound of a car engine finally registers in his mind and he looks over Nick’s shoulder just in time to watch a car pull away from the kerb. He can just make out a figure in the backseat that looks vaguely like Olivia, and since she and her friend are gone, he can only assume that was her ride.
Right. Olivia.
Fake boyfriends.
That’s what just happened.
He should probably let Nick know they can be done now.
“She’s gone now. So…yeah.”
Nick’s face is adorably confused when Charlie finally looks back at him. “What?”
“Olivia. She and her friend are gone now.”
Nick blinks slowly and then shakes his head. “Right. Um, good.”
“Yeah. Sorry, I wasn"t able to properly warn you before I did that.”
Nick waves him off. "No, yeah, it"s totally fine. I did it earlier too, remember?"
"Yeah, but still. I"m sorry."
"No. It"s okay. Really."
They awkwardly fall into silence. Nick is staring at the floor, clearly avoiding his gaze, and Charlie doesn"t know what to do to make it better.
He really cannot deal with them being awkward again tonight. His brain is too fucking fried from the (third) Almost Kiss™, and he’s so exhausted he could lie down on the concrete and fall asleep right now.
He supposed that means that his only option is to to pretend what just happened, didn’t happen (nothing happened really anyways, it’s not like they’d actually kissed), and they are going to go back to Nick’s hall of residence and go the fuck to sleep.
Yeah. Okay. That"s a plan.
“Olivia apparently really believed us. She didn’t notice me, but I heard her saying that it made her feel a little less rejected knowing you were dating someone.” See, he’s making it clear that everything was fake, and that he’s totally normal.
Nick looks up from the ground at him and blinks slowly, once again, before he replies. “That’s…good. I mean, that’s what I’d hoped would happen.”
“Well, you were successful then.”
“Yeah,” Nick says absently, staring intently at the wall behind Charlie.
He knows things are a little strange right now, and maybe it’s not the best time to ask, but once the question pops into his brain, he can’t not ask. “Was there, um, a reason you didn’t want to flirt back? She was pretty, and she was at least a decent enough person to not be homophobic when you told her you had a boyfriend.”
Nick looks at him, and Charlie’s surprised to find that he’s blushing again.
“Uh. No, um, yeah,” Nick shakes his head and then continues. “There wasn’t anything wrong with her, I’m just not really looking to date anyone right now.”
Despite Nick and Charlie being as close as ever, he hasn’t had the courage to ask about Nick’s dating life at uni. Realistically, he knows that his heart isn’t strong enough to handle hearing about Nick hooking up with or potentially seriously dating someone. So, he’s a bit surprised by Nick’s response. He’d just assumed Nick was off at uni, doing the typical uni thing and dating girls, at least casually, and just not mentioning it.
So, unsure how to respond, Charlie stutters out a response. “Oh, yeah, that-that makes sense.”
Nick’s avoiding his eyes again, instead staring down at his feet.
Well, alright then. “Um, did you find Theo and Max?”
Nick looks up and smiles, or at least attempts to. “Yeah. They’re gonna stay a while longer, so we can head back.”
“Oh. Good,” Charlie says. He hesitates, hoping Nick will chime in and say something, but after a few moments of silence realises that isn’t going to happen. “I"m ready when you are.”
Nick finally seems to snap back into the moment. “Right. Of course. Are you okay with walking back?”
Charlie nods. “Yeah, it’s only like fifteen minutes, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, that works.”
Nick nods and then awkwardly motions to the drive. “This way then.”
The next ten minutes of walking pass in excruciating silence. It’s never been this weird between them. Not after the first Almost Kiss™ - not even after the second Almost Kiss™.
Right as Charlie is thinking he can’t stand it anymore, and is ready to just bring up the elephant in the room if it means they’ll at least speak to one another, Nick breaks the silence.
“I think I’m bi.”
Charlie stops dead in his tracks.
“W-What?’ he croaks out.
Nick stops as soon as he notices Charlie has, and turns to face him. He’s obviously nervous, his eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are slightly drawn in, but there’s also an underlying determination that Charlie can see in the set of his shoulders and the way Nick doesn’t hesitate to make eye contact with him.
“I’m bisexual.” He says, more assuredly this time.
Charlie can see the way that saying those words bolsters Nick’s confidence: it’s in the way he stands a little taller, the way his face relaxes, the way his mouth pulls into the smallest smile. Charlie can’t help but stare, caught up in how stunning Nick is at this moment. He was stupid to believe earlier that Nick couldn’t possibly get any more beautiful because, this, right now, he’s so gorgeous it’s almost unbearable.
After a moment too long of silence, Nick’s shoulders drop a little, and he shifts his weight to one foot. “Um-I-Sorry, I shouldn’t have sprung that on you, I just-”
“No!” Charlie nearly shouts when he realises what he’s done. Nick startles, but Charlie goes on. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I-Thank you for telling me. Sorry I didn’t respond, I was just, yeah, no, sorry. Thank you for trusting me. I’m so proud of you.”
Nick’s confusion and apprehension drop away the longer Charlie rambles until he’s smiling his usual lopsided grin. “Of course. There’s no one else I trust more.”
Charlie cannot believe he just fucked that up so badly - he was so caught up in his own head he made Nick think he shouldn’t have said anything. Nick seems okay now, but to make him feel that way for even a single second…
Before Charlie can overthink anything, he steps forward and wraps Nick in a hug, squeezing tight. “I’m so sorry. Seriously. I was surprised, I didn’t mean to make you think I wasn’t happy for you or anything.”
Nick reacts within seconds, holding him just as tight, his head buried in Charlie’s curls. “No, it’s okay. I know you’re happy for me. Promise.”
Charlie shakes his head from its place against Nick’s collarbone. “No. I know how nerve-wracking it can be to come out. I should have done better. I-”
“Char.” Nick pulls back, putting his hands on both of Charlie’s shoulders to hold him in place. “It’s okay. Seriously. No more ‘s’ word.”
Nick’s eyes are so soft and his face is so open that Charlie can’t do anything but go along with him. So, he blows out a steady stream of air before smiling weakly at Nick. “Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I am.” Nick squeezes his shoulders where his hands are still resting before he lets them drop down to his sides. “Come on, you must be freezing.”
If he had any brain capacity to dedicate to how his body was feeling, he would agree with Nick, but his brain is otherwise occupied, so he just nods numbly.
They continue their walk, now only a few minutes from Nick’s place.
There’s a question nagging at the back of his mind that he knows is a bit intrusive, but that he desperately wants to ask anyway. Nick has never once admonished him for asking questions about him or refused to answer no matter how personal the question, so maybe it will be okay.
“Am I the first person you’ve told?”
Nick doesn’t even hesitate to answer. “I actually told my mom last week when she came up for my game, but other than that, yeah. You’re the first.”
“How did Sarah react?”
Nick laughs a little, and it seems a bit self-deprecating. “She wasn’t exactly surprised. Not that she said that, but yeah, she definitely had an idea before I said anything.”
“It went well though?” Charlie checks. Deep down, he knows Sarah would never be anything but supportive, but he still needs to hear it.
Nick graces him with a blinding smile. “Yeah, she was super supportive. She’s actually been sending me random internet videos she finds of kids coming out as bi to their parents. It’s sweet.”
Charlie laughs a little. “That sounds like a very Sarah thing to do.”
“Oh my god, wait, I have to show you this.”
By now, they’re right outside Nick’s halls, but Nick still stops walking to pull out his phone. After less than a minute of searching, Nick must find what he’s looking for because he smiles excitedly and turns his phone to show Charlie. “Look.”
It’s a picture of Nellie and Henry with matching bi-coloured bandanas tied around their necks. It’s clear that they were moving during the photo, or at least Henry was, since he’s nothing more than a tan blur with blue, purple, and pink around his collar. Regardless, it’s an adorable photo.
“God, that’s so cute.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I love it.” Nick’s smile is so soft that Charlie just wants to wrap him up in a warm blanket and hug him for hours, but that’s not realistic and they’re still outside in the increasingly cold air. So, he scolds his ridiculous internal self and ushers Nick to go inside.
They finally make it to Nick’s room after an excessively long time (read: 2 minutes), and Charlie is ready to collapse on the spot.
This night has been the longest fucking roller coaster, and he is ready to sleep for at least twelve hours. He knows he’s going to overthink this night and the many things that happened until he’s dissected every single tiny moment. But, for now, he’s going to push that need to overanalyze aside and just be happy that everything ended up alright.
Nick lets him use his bathroom first. He goes through his nighttime routine faster than he’s ever done before heading back to Nick’s room.
Once there, he finds Nick already changed, but he’s (tragically) too tired to even admire how cute Nick looks in his pyjamas. Nick returns from the loo after only a few minutes, and the two of them get into bed.
Things are quiet between them, but not the same awkward quiet as at the beginning of the walk back. No, it’s their usual comfortable, compatible silence. This is often how they find themselves at the end of a FaceTime call at night when they’re both moments away from falling asleep but unwilling to hang up.
As it stands, Charlie is having a hard time keeping his eyes open, so speaking is completely off the table.
Right before he’s about to drift off, he feels Nick’s hand tentatively reach out to touch his. Even in his half-asleep state, he instantly links his fingers between Nick’s and moves to rest their clasped hands tucked against his chest.
“Night, Char. Love you.”
But Charlie is too far gone to respond.
In the morning, Charlie’s brain will replay every moment of heartstopping contact between the two of them the night before over and over. It will also play Nick’s confession on a loop until he actually processes the words and can act normal about the fact that his long-time straight crush is in fact not straight. He’ll think about what it means that they had their third Almost Kiss™, and whether it will affect their friendship going forward.
However, in this moment, Nick’s soothing voice, saying he loves him is the last thing he"s able to think about before he falls into oblivion.