Chapter Text
‘It’s the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass,
But I felt it when I passed you’
‘You are one son of a bitch, did you know that?’, Chimon shouted as him, the pair trapped in his home studio as Chimon had a screaming CEO on the other side of the phone. It hadn’t taken long till P’Jennie had heard of Nanon’s whereabouts last weekend, and with the piles of articles that had landed in the steps of their building, the entire board was fucking livid.
‘You had just been shortlisted for the Golden Globes and this is what you do?’, Nanon could hear his CEO’s muffled screams, but he couldn’t give a shit. He picked up his guitar which rested against the wall. The wood was grazed and no longer brand new, but he refused to get a new one. His mum once told him he had the guitar since he was a teenager, and despite not remembering, he found it hard to get rid of it.
Nanon didn’t see what the big deal was. He was caught attending a finance and tech conference. Yes, maybe the public may be confused as to why he was present, but can’t a guy have some niche hobbies? It was better than him being caught doing drugs or going on a date. He assumed the only reason P’Jennie was livid was because of the secret his company worked so hard to hide had been passed onto a random stranger.
Ohm Pawat.
He whispered the name over and over, as if it was a spell to break the curse he was under. But he felt nothing - not the burning sensation he felt at the back of his head where his scar was hidden underneath his tuff of hair.
Nanon frustratingly pulled the strings of his guitar, playing a violent C minor as he looked down at his hands. Why did he feel like the stranger was lying to him? But why would he? Maybe Chimon was right. Maybe he was going crazy and he had begun clutching at straws, trying to find some kind of connection to free him from the cage his mind was in.
‘Right… Mr Chittsawangdee is coming in tomorrow and we’re gonna get your lawyers to draft an NDA’, Chimon had finally hung up his burning phone. He stomped towards Nanon with a furious glare as he placed his hands on his hips like a mother about to lecture a child, ‘Now can you tell me what this whole shit has been about? I’m 90% sure I’m gonna get fired and I’d at least like to know the reason why!’
‘Look, I told you, I thought I recognised someone at the red carpet’, Nanon shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly, ignoring Chimon’s break down. Nanon usually told his assistant everything, but after that night, he knew if he said it aloud he would sound insane. How can one explain that there was a stranger he gravitated so greatly to that he instantly knew he was gonna be the key to break through his troubled mind and get his memories back?
It took Nanon days to figure out how to find the stranger. At first he thought to brush off the entire event. There were millions of people in Bangkok, there was just no way he was going to find him, not without a name. But he was eavesdropping over his team’s meeting whilst he was in the office. Something about a finance system that they had been waiting to be updated and being passed around a brochure that they excitedly showed to each other. Nanon was guilty for not paying attention to things that had nothing to do with his scripts or filming schedules. He knew his team handled more than just his projects and there were technical tasks that he could simply ignore, but he pulled the brochure from the coffee table, curious as to why his team was so excited.
Everything was in jargon, long words which formed sentences that made no sense to him. He was about to toss it to the side when he noticed a small picture of one of the guest speakers. His lips parted in shock as he recognised the man’s smile. It was the mysterious man he saw at the premier.
Nanon didn’t believe in fate and all that nonsense. But it felt like the universe was begging him to find this man.
‘Nanon, are you even listening to me?’, Chimon snapped his fingers in front of Nanon’s face, interrupting his daydream, ‘You’re killing me, you know that right? You’re actually killing me’
‘Sorry Chimon’, Nanon finally apologised to his assistant who’s been fixing his mistakes, ‘I really thought my memories would jog if I just spoke to him’
‘Nanon… I can only imagine how hard it must be not remembering your past but… I mean look at your future? You’re still doing well, you’ve still got your family and the people most important to you. I don’t see why you’re desperate to get them back’
‘You say that because you remember yours’, Nanon rolled his eyes as he turned back to his guitar, playing a soft melody, ‘You wouldn’t know how it feels waking up and being told that you’re a big shot actor with a big house and tons of awards but not knowing your own mum’s name’
Chimon’s expression softened, followed by the same eyes of pity that slipped through the cracks whenever he looked at Nanon.
‘Nanon… If this is really affecting you, why don’t you go back to therapy?’, Chimon advised. He sat down beside him, his hand rested on his knee reassuringly.
‘I’m fine. I just… He just made me feel something’, Nanon said but he couldn’t explain it in a way that Chimon could possibly understand.
‘Well, maybe you’re just attracted to him?’, Chimon pointed out, ‘I’m not surprised, the guy looks very fuckable’
Nanon scrunched his brow in disgust, looking at his assistant with judging eyes. Chimon raised his hand in surrender, but it finally made Nanon laugh, the pair chuckling as they realised P’Jennie was probably gonna kill them tomorrow. He was glad that Chimon had slowly gotten over what happened and despite still being stressed, he leaned his head against Nanon’s shoulder.
‘I wish I had met you before the accident’, Chimon confessed, ‘Then I could’ve told you how you were’
Nanon simply shook his head. He turned back to his guitar and started playing again, letting the music fill the room. He was grateful for Chimon, the intern who was given the job to take care of Nanon whilst he was at his lowest and the entire company couldn’t control him. Even now he was still giving Chimon grief, yet he never left him.
Nanon had been avoiding P’Jennie since the morning. He had rushed pass the office corridors, ignoring small talks with his staff and hiding in his studio in an attempt to avoid the lecture he was going to receive. The staff and their big mouths had meant the entire company were aware that he had caused a scene at a finance convention of all places. He knew that everyone was confused and his PR team had asked why he was there. He had brushed off the question and tossed their queries towards Chimon who made up his own bullshit.
He looked down at his phone, reading the endless text messages his assistant sent him about the upcoming meeting with Ohm. He had been warned to stay as far away from him when he arrives and Nanon scoffed. He knew he may have stepped over the line the other day, but he had no energy left to waste over someone that couldn’t help him.
He had listened to Chimon and concluded that maybe it was the heat of the flashing lights and his slack of sleep which had caused him to feel something at the red carpet. Chimon had promised to decrease his activities for the week to give him space, but that just left him stuck in his studio by himself.
Nanon took out his guitar again, strumming a simple song as he hummed a melody. He thought about the first week he woke up from his accident. His mum, who he didn’t recognised, had shown him multiple documents and childhood photos of him in an attempt to jog his memory. He read his full name, yet he wondered if that was really his name. Even when his mum tried to hug him, he felt uncomfortable, stiffly wrapping his arms around her. It felt like he was hugging a stranger and he realised he must’ve hurt her when he heard her sobbing at the end of the hospital corridor.
‘Maybe I lost my mind,
No one noticed,
No one noticed,
It’s getting old,
All alone,
May have lost it,
I have lost it…’
‘Your voice is good’
The guitar string grazed his finger and pricked his skin as his body shook at the sound of a deep voice which interrupted his loneliness. He turned around and saw who the voice belonged to and his muscles stiffened.
‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked as he recognised the tall figure. He was in normal clothes now, a lose shirt with jeans and his hair pulled back by a green cap.
‘Sorry… I was on my way out when I heard you singing’, Ohm mentioned and Nanon didn’t realise that he left the door open and coughed awkwardly. There was a heat of embarrassment when floods of the last time they met came back to him and he realised how insane he must’ve acted in front of him.
‘Right’, Nanon nodded. He looked down at his finger, the blood already dried, ‘Sorry about the other day by the way. I didn’t mean to freak you out’
‘No worries’, Ohm nodded, ‘I wasn’t freaked out’, they both knew he was lying.
‘How much money did they offer you to keep this a secret?’, Nanon asked curiously, mainly because he wanted to change the subject, but also because he knew P’Jennie was willing to give anything to keep his accident hidden, so he wondered if Ohm would take advantage of the situation. He wouldn’t be surprised if he did.
‘Nothing, I just signed the NDA’, Ohm said and for a second it shocked Nanon that he didn’t take the money. But then something inside him told him that he wasn’t that type of person. But how would his instincts know that? It was confusing Nanon and he had started being frustrated with himself.
‘Are you okay?’, Ohm interrupted his trance yet again. He nodded his head and avoided eye contact as he turned to one of the drawers, pulling out a box of plasters that he kept.
‘So did you really refused the money?’, he asked, ‘Why didn’t you at least accept what they offered for extra cash?’
‘I’m not broke’, Ohm laughed, ‘I’ve got a good job, an apartment and enough money to pay the bills. Why would I need extra cash?’
‘Well, it doesn’t hurt to have some free money’, he shrugged his shoulders, but he listened as Ohm continued to laugh at him. It was smooth, he’d never heard someone’s laugh to be so calming.
‘True’, Ohm nodded and he walked over and sat on the spare seat next to Nanon. There was an awkward silence between them as Nanon wrapped the plaster lazily around his finger. There was nothing else to talk about and he wondered why the former was still in his studio, ‘Are you free tonight by the way?’
‘Excuse me?’, Nanon turned his head abruptly at the question. Ohm simply smiled at him, and the head rush came back.
‘I just wanted to ask if you were free to have dinner with me or something’
‘Oh, I’m not interested in you like that’, he rushed to decline. He had already been lectured by Chimon not to cause any more drama and he didn’t need a dating scandal in the midst of the current chaos he was in.
‘I wasn’t asking you out on a date. I just thought it would be nice to hang out sometimes’
‘Well, if you must know, I can’t just walk out into the streets and have lunch with someone without it being viral, so best not get yourself into that type of mess’, he reminded the normal stranger of their predicament but Ohm didn’t seem fazed at all. It intrigued him how relaxed the latter was. Nanon didn’t have much of an ego, but with endless press junkets and interviews, it was hard to find someone who genuinely acted normal around him.
‘You can have dinner at mine’, Ohm suggested and Nanon gave him a suspicious look. He raised his hand in innocence, ‘I’m not trying to hit on you, I promise’
‘Well, you’re not convincing me otherwise’, he argued back, but he smiled when Ohm looked at him expectingly. As if he was waiting for a genuine response, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea’, he turned him down. He honestly didn’t need another lecture but he also had to be wary of someone like Ohm. Someone so relaxed and normal even when faced with a celebrity with a deep secret that he could use against him.
‘Okay’, Ohm nodded. The man stood up and as he straightened his shirt, he took out his phone and stretched his arm out over to him. Nanon looked at the phone for a second before he looked up at him with a raised brow.
‘You can scan my phone number’
‘Why would I want your number?’
‘Well, whenever you need a new friend, I’ll be available. No offence but it looks like you need one if you’re attending finance conferences in your free time’
‘Shut up’, he rolled his eyes but felt his cheeks heat when he listened to the way Ohm laughed. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, placing it on top of Ohm’s phone and feeling the ping as he received Ohm’s number.
‘If you wanna know how airdrop works, you can always contact me’, Ohm smiled. There was another awkward silence before Ohm bowed his head and headed out of his studio, leaving Nanon by himself again.
He looked down at his phone, reading the boy’s name which automatically saved on his phone. He wondered if Chimon would kill him if he found out he had taken the number of the man he had told him not to interact with.
His parents visited him most weekends from Hua Hin. Over the years, he had gotten closer to them, often looking through his childhood photos which he kept in a drawer by his bed side. He had memorised their names, what they did and it felt awkward having to learn about his parents at his age. But he was grateful to them nonetheless.
‘How are you my darling?’, his mum kissed him on the cheeks as she strode in his kitchen with bags of freshly bought vegetables. She had been adamant on feeding him healthy for the past couple of years, first as an attempt to regain his memory but it had become a habit now. Especially since during filming, Nanon relied on takeaways and fast foods.
‘I’ve been alright’, he replied as he sat by the kitchen island, watching his mum load his fridge. His dad had immersed himself in the living room, excitedly using is smart TV to play games since it was the only time his mum would let him.
‘How’s your schedules looking? It’s Christmas soon, maybe you should come home this year?’, his mum had continued to ask him to come back to his hometown every year, but he declined each time. He had visited once since his accident since his therapist suggested that it might jog his memories if he visited the places he once resided. But he felt empty as he walked down the streets his mum used to say he loved. In fact, it caused him a great headache as he tried hard to find meaning in the empty stores and cracked sidewalks.
‘I need to prepare for my new project’, he shrugged her suggestion, which was enough for her to drop the question. She knew he had no particular fondness over his hometown anymore. Their conversation had shifted to the endless gossip his mum had about their neighbours and he laughed at the way his mum excitedly told him every secret and stories.
He heard his phone ping and he looked down to see a text from Ohm.
You’re missing out tonight.
He stared at a picture that Ohm sent of a plate of grilled fish with mango salad. He chuckled under his breath as he turned off his phone and faced his mum again.
‘Hey mum, did you buy some fish by the way?’
‘Why?’
‘I want some grilled fish’, he said and he stood up to see if there had been any leftover mango salad in the fridge. He always had to have mango salad on everything so he knew there must’ve been a container of it somewhere.
He turned back as he opened the container and he noticed his mum staring fondly at him with a wide smile.
‘What?’, he looked back at her surprised. She had stopped loading his kitchen with food and just stood by him with a huge grin.
‘Nothing’, she shook her head as she rested her hand on his cheeks, ‘I just remembered how you used to love grilled fish’
‘Huh?’
‘You used to eat it every day after school. Sometimes when you came home from college, you’d beg me to make it for you to bring to your dorm’
‘Did I?’, he looked down at the container of leftover mango salad. He took out his phone from his pocket again and looked at Ohm’s message.
Maybe it was just a coincidence. He needed to stop connecting things which didn’t make sense. Chimon was right, he needed to keep looking forward into the future.