Chapter Text
Camilla wished it was raining.
She really, really did. Not least because that way she could blame the droplets adorning her face for something other than tears. It wasn’t that. The princess looked up at the sky, tearing eyes away from the grave below her, finding it completely clear. Not a cloud to be seen. There was even a light breeze. It just didn’t seem right or even fair that on the worst day of her life, the saddest day by far, that the sun was shining. The sun never shone in Nohr. It just wasn’t an occurrence be it regular or otherwise.
No…Camilla wanted it to rain. To not only rain but pour down. To soak and saturate the earth to wash it all away until nothing was left anymore and for the harshest of winds to rip away what remained. To have everything, including her memories of here taken somewhere far, far away. Instead it was fine. Another normal day.
Beruka was dead. She had to keep telling herself that. She was dead and gone and lay only several feet away under the earth. Though her father would never allow it if he found out, Camilla had secretly fashioned her own gravestone for her former retainer. Someone born into an unremarkable life in the slums deserved to have some sort of impression left on the world.
Here rests Beruka, retainer to Princess Camilla the first of Nohr.
A great asset to the kingdom and as a friend to those who knew her.
Loyal to the last.
It seemed cruel but Camilla had been sure to include the last line specifically.
“It’s what you’d have wanted, after all.”
No response. Camilla sighed, simultaneously sniffling and trying to wipe away her tears. Why couldn’t it have been raining?
“I miss you so much. I still have Selena but she doesn’t need me in the same way you did. You needed so much more from me than you got and for that I’ll never be sorry enough.” Another stream of tears were flicked away. “It isn’t fair and not what you deserve despite what you said. You paid the price for my failings as so many things. As a princess. As your liege. As a person. Your mind broke under the weight of my failure and that…that is unforgivable.”
Camilla turned sharply on her heel, not being able to bare the grave any longer. She felt ill, like she didn’t have the right. It was like the grave was staring back, accusing her. She’d had time to apologise while her retainer was still alive. Now it was too late. She hurried her step, desperate to get away. The servants were steering clear. Good.
She’d had so many opportunities to stop herself turning Beruka into…whatever this was. A distorted pet archetype for her to lavish attention on. She could’ve stopped many a time, but these selfish desires have selfish ends. Too little too late. A single tear broke free from Camilla’s visible eye. She wiped it.
There were no more tears to the world…for she had no more to give to it.