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Andrew had kept a close eye on Neil throughout the movie. He wasn’t even sure why they were watching a children’s movie—an animated one at that—but by the time he had joined them, Neil’s focus on the screen had been intense. Andrew could admit—to himself—that he looked at Neil often; almost all of his time during this movie, his eyes were on Neil. Andrew wasn’t going to jump to conclusions, but the wide-eyed focus the man had on the screen was something Andrew had never seen him wear. It was enough to make him suspicious—because it for sure was not Nathaniel, and if it wasn’t Neil either, then it was possible it was the Chris the former had let slip. Andrew had done only a little research into what he thought might be going on—Dissociative Identity Disorder—and it had told him that it was possible for there to be kids in there. Kids.
The movie ended, credits rolled, and, as expected, all eyes in the room turned to Neil.
“So? What did you think?” Dan asked, grinning like she already knew the answer.
“It was good. I liked it.” Neil said, voice soft in a way that was new. His eyes stayed on the screen for the majority of the time he spoke, until he finally dragged his eyes over to Dan. He was wearing a small smile, like he was shy, which matched the voice. Andrew stood up. Dan seemed unsure of Neil’s answer. Andrew didn’t give her or anyone else anymore time to push for more.
“Bedtime.” Andrew said, hovering his hand over the back of Neil’s neck. Neil turned to look up at him. His blink was slow, which Andrew was almost sure at this point meant some level of dissociation. He was absolutely getting Neil—or whoever it was—out of here.
“Just because you want to go to bed—” Allison started, but Neil cut off her with a soft ‘okay,’ as he stood up. Andrew wanted to grab Neil’s hand to drag him out of there, but instead trusted him to follow behind him.
He did, though he trailed a little ways behind. Andrew waited inside their dorm at the door for Neil to clear it before he closed and locked it. Neil looked at the handle, then up at Andrew. “What about Kevin?”
“He can wait.” Andrew said. Neil nodded and continued to stand in place. His hands slowly drifted up, fingers twisting together. By now, maybe Andrew should know how to go about this, but every time he had talked to anyone other than Neil it had been Nathaniel, so it almost felt like introducing himself. “Is Neil still there?”
Not-Neil stared at him for a few moments, maybe thinking on a lie, maybe feeling for an answer. “A little bit.” He said softly. His fingers stilled for an instant. “He’s always here when you’re around.” His lips curved into a smile smile, and his shoulders shook as if he were laughing.
“Something funny?” Andrew asked.
Not-Neil nodded. “He's embarrassed that I told you that. He’s also annoyed he’s not as close as he wants to be.”
Andrew nodded and offered a short smile—it wasn’t something he would normally do, but this kid—because he was almost positive it was a kid at this point—was… endearing. And he would do everything in his power to make sure this kid felt safe. “Can I ask you some questions?” Not-Neil nodded and hummed affirmatively. “How old are you?”
Not-Neil shrugged. “Seven? It’s a little hard to remember, and I think sometimes it’s different.” Andrew almost didn’t hear the addendum over the blood rushing in his ears.
He forced himself to continue with a gentle tone—as gentle as he could manage. “Okay.” He had to focus on breathing. “What’s your name?” Not-Neil did not answer. He looked away from Andrew and his face softened into a thoughtful pout. He glanced back for a moment, but immediately looked back down, where his fingers were twisting into his shirt. “Are you Chris?” He shook his head. Okay, so there was another one. Andrew supposed it made sense. This child did not seem terrified—or even really scared—of Andrew, unlike the Not-Neil who he was counting as the first appearance of one of them. “Why do you not want to tell me your name?”
Not-Neil shrugged. Andrew didn’t know if it was a lie or if he actually didn’t know. To his credit, the boy did try to look at Andrew when he responded. “It’s… Abram.” He eyes dropped back away from Andrew.
“Okay.” Andrew paused. “Thank you for telling me.”
Abram looked up at him, head tilted down, eyes wide. “You’re not mad?”
“Why would I be mad?” Andrew asked, because he had theories, but he needed answers. Had Neil been punished as a child whenever he used the name Abram?
Abram shrugged. “It’s Neil’s name.”
“Neil’s name is Neil. I’m sure he won’t mind sharing Abram with you.” Andrew said, even though there was no real way for him to know that. Abram smiled, then smiled bigger, likely as Neil chimed in.
“Okay.” His smile slowly fell off as his expression turned serious. “Do you mind us sharing it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes to calm him down you call him ‘Abram’.” The boy pointed out, and that sent an expected bolt of fear through Andrew. It felt familiar enough for him to know it was not something to deal with now, not while Abram was sill present. He probably wouldn’t even touch it with Neil, unless the other somehow brought it up first. Betsy would be the first to hear about it.
“That is a good point.” Andrew said tonelessly as he considered how to answer. “If it’s just us, and me saying ‘Abram’ brings you out, will you tell me?”
“Yeah, I promise.” The word stung Andrew worse, but the kid couldn’t know better. Abram blinked a few times, eyes drifting to the side. “Sorry. It can be a deal?” Andrew did his best to glare at Neil through Abram’s head.
Andrew softened his expression as Abram looked back at him. “It doesn’t have to be a deal. Just… Do your best to let me know.” He wouldn't demand anything from this—or any child—but he wanted to.
“Okay.” Abram said.
Andrew waited a while, used to his conversations with these Other-Neil’s always getting cut off, but after a minute passed with no sign of Abram disappearing, he asked, “You’re not leaving?”
“Do you want me to?”
Really, Andrew rather did want the kid to leave and Neil to come back, but he couldn’t say that. “I don’t think I’ve gotten to finish a conversation with any of you before Neil took over again.”
“Oh. He’s still here. I can try to switch if you want.” Abram said with a small shrug.
“No. You don’t have to go.” Andrew did not know what to do. “Abram, do you… feel safe right now?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“With me?” Andrew insisted.
“Duh. If Neil can trust you, I can trust you. Besides, you brought me here, where I can be myself.” Abram said like it was nothing.
“Okay.” Andrew said, though he wasn’t sure he believed it, especially not when it came with such ease. “Tell me if that ever changes. Look at me.” Abram directed his wandering eyes back to Andrew’s. “If I’m ever doing anything that makes you feel unsafe, I need you to tell me.”
“Okay.” Abram squeaked.
Without warning, the knob to the dorm twisted. Kevin’s groan was audible through the door. He pounded on it a few times before speaking. “Do I need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight?”
Andrew looked to Abram. “Do you know Kevin?” Abram nodded. “Can he come in?” Before Abram could answer, Andrew clarified. “Will you feel safe if he is here.”
Abram took a few seconds to think about it, and Andrew wasn’t sure if he should take it as a good or bad sign. “You’ll protect me if you need to.” He said with such certainty that Andrew’s heart ached.
“I don’t want you to feel like that will be necessary.”
“Andrew? Neil?”
“Hold on!” Andrew yelled at the door. Kevin’s sigh was soft, but Andrew was so accustomed to the sound that he was sure he heard it.
“Does Kevin know about me—us?”
“No.” Andrew answered. Abram hummed. “He is either going to go to bed immediately or will watch T.V. He can sleep on the couch if you don’t want him in the same room you’re sleeping—I can sleep out here, too.”
“We can share a room. It will probably be Neil soon, anyway. He can come in.”
“If he stays out here, go to bed. If he goes to bed, wait out here until he’s asleep. Is that okay?” Andrew asked. Abram nodded, so Andrew walked to the door and unlocked it. “You forget your keys?”
“I have learned my lesson about unlocking this door.” Kevin said, sounding tired. He glanced between Neil and Andrew, shrugged, then yawned as he made his way to the bedroom. Andrew watched him the whole way, until the door was firmly shut, then looked back at Abram.
“He falls asleep fast.” He said and Abram nodded.
Luckily they were already in their pajamas from the movie night, so once Kevin was asleep—signaled by his loud snoring—Andrew led Abram, who now looked like he could barely keep his eyes open, into the room. Andrew pointed at the bottom bunk. “That one’s yours.”
Abram mumbled what sounded mostly like an “okay” and fell into the bed. Andrew pulled the blanket up over him, then climbed up the ladder to his own bunk.
Even when Andrew was sure Abram—or maybe Neil at this point—was asleep, he was unable to catch any of his own the entire night, kept up by thoughts of the kids in Neil’s head and what harm he had caused them.