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When Eddie had first talked to Buck about moving back to El Paso, Buck hadn’t realized it would happen so fast.
Within a week of them talking to the realtor, Eddie was already putting in transfer requests for every firehouse within a 30-minute drive of the house they’d picked out.
And only a week after that, Eddie was boarding a plane to go meet his new team, leaving Buck standing at the gate.
Eddie had come back, briefly, to pack up the essentials, and then Buck was dropping him off at the airport again.
And it hurt.
It hurt so fucking much.
But Buck knew that he had to let Eddie go, and he knew that Eddie would second-guess his decision if he didn’t think Buck would be okay without him.
So, Buck smiled and waved, and watched Eddie board the plane, all the while dying inside because he knew that the next time he saw Eddie was going to be the last.
After New Years, Eddie was going to come back to LA to pack up the house, and then he’d take a U-Haul to Texas, and never look back.
Buck was going to lose him forever, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
And, yeah, it was Christmas tomorrow.
But Buck didn’t feel like celebrating. Not when he was about to lose the man that he had only just realized his feelings for.
Normally, if the 118 didn’t work Christmas, Buck spent the holiday at the Diaz house. Which wasn’t an option this year, nor would it ever be again.
Without the Diazes around, everyone in Buck’s life had known that he would end up spending Christmas alone.
That hadn’t sat right with them, and they’d all invited him to spend it with them instead.
But Buck didn’t want to celebrate.
He didn’t want to put on a smile and pretend that nothing was wrong when nothing would ever be right again.
So he’d lied.
He’d told Bobby and Athena that he’d agreed to spend Christmas at Maddie’s.
He told Maddie he’d agreed to celebrate Christmas at Hen’s.
He’d told Hen that he was going to Eddie’s tía Pepa’s for Christmas.
He’d told Pepa that he was going to Bobby and Athena’s.
Meaning that all of them believed that Buck would be with someone for Christmas and had stopped pestering Buck to accept someone’s invitation.
But, in reality, Buck’s only plan was to sit on his living room floor (since he didn’t have a couch again. His last one had been a gift from Tommy and seeing it had hurt so he’d donated it), and drink through the six-packs of beer he’d stashed in the fridge while watching all of the Christmas movies that he’d normally watch with Eddie and Christopher.
Honestly, that was probably going to be his plan for every Christmas in the foreseeable future.
He’d start off with Rodolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, of course. It used to be Christopher’s favorite.
There was a time where a grinning kid that barely came up to Buck’s elbows would beg and beg and beg for he and Eddie to put that movie on.
It had been a long time since Christopher had done anything but roll his eyes at the mention of the movie, so it’s memory had started hurting long before now.
That’s the real reason why Buck was going to start there, regardless of what excuses he was feeding to himself. It hurt. And when Buck was miserable and feeling sorry for himself, pain is always what he fell back on.
Maddie had once referred to it as Buck punishing himself for things he couldn’t fix. Of course, she’d said that when Buck was 11, but it was just as true when he was 33 as it had been then.
It was self-destructive.
It was one of his many unhealthy coping mechanisms.
It was something that Eddie had done his damndest to keep Buck from resorting to after the break-up with Tommy.
But it was also something that no one thought to put a stop to this time around.
Because, while they knew Buck would be upset about Eddie leaving, none of them had known it would be quite this bad.
Because none of them had known how important Eddie was to Buck.
Even Buck hadn’t known how important Eddie was to him until the man was leaving.
So now, here he was, tail-spinning in a way that he hadn’t for anyone else. Not even Abby.
And no one had a clue. Both because they weren’t looking for Buck’s suffering, and because Buck had hidden it to the best of his ability.
He didn’t want anyone trying to cheer him up or console him. Or worse, telling Eddie that he needed cheering up or consoling.
Because he knew that Hen and Bobby wouldn’t want to insert themselves into the situation. They’d step in with Buck and be there for him instead of trying to fix things for him.
Chimney had no such qualms. He’d have no problem calling Eddie and telling him that Buck needed him to come back to LA.
And Maddie could really go either direction, depending on how upset Buck was.
This time, Buck knew she’d jump in on Chim’s side, because… because it was bad.
Really bad.
And it was made even worse by the fact that Buck couldn’t even try to stop it.
He’d promised himself that if someone else tried to leave him, he’d hang on. But he couldn’t. Eddie was leaving for Christopher. How could Buck possibly ask him to stay?
He couldn’t.
And it hurt so damn much.
The next movie he’d watch would be Christmas Shoes, because Maddie got him into that movie, and it had made even Eddie cry last year, so it was sure to aid in Buck’s little self-torture-themed Christmas party.
Not that Eddie or Maddie would be too happy if they knew that’s what Buck was doing, but he really didn’t care at this point.
Eddie was gone.
He’d left.
He already had a house in El Paso, and while he still had the house in LA, he’d be putting it up on the market in about a month.
Why should Buck care about what would upset Eddie when Eddie clearly didn’t care about upsetting him?
He didn’t even act like it was a big deal.
Like Eddie didn’t think Buck would fall apart without him.
Well.
Clearly, he was wrong, if Buck’s current plans for Christmas had anything to say about it.
At about 8pm Christmas Eve night, Buck sat down on his living room floor with a six-pack of Eddie’s favorite beer and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer starting to play across the television screen.
Buck didn’t even really try to pay attention to the movie.
He never paid attention to it when he watched it with Eddie and Christoher. He was always too busy focusing on how happy he was to be with them.
This time, he was focusing on how miserable he was without them.
Though, he wasn’t quite tuned out enough not to notice when his living room wall burst into flames.
Buck jumped to his feet instantly, stumbling a bit as the one remaining bottle in the 6-pack rolled across the floor.
What the hell?
Buck stooped down and grabbed one of the empty beer bottles from the floor, and scanned his eyes over the label.
Nope. Not expired.
And five beers weren’t really enough to impair Buck all that much, so, while he was definitely drunk, it wasn’t at hallucination level drunkenness.
That meant that… his apartment was actually on fire!
Buck tossed the empty beer bottle back on the floor and fished his phone out of his pocket, before dialing the number that he knew better than any other.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
The words that left Buck’s lips were so slurred that even he couldn’t understand them.
“Uhhh… Sir?”
Buck internally cursed.
He was still sober enough that his reaction times and thought processes weren’t too badly affected, but it looked like communicating could be an issue.
Maybe, if he kept it simple, he could manage.
“…Fire.”
Not that simple.
“Is there a fire near you, Sir?”
Fuck. The 9-1-1 operator was Josh.
Hopefully Buck could get through this without the man calling Maddie.
“…Yes.”
“O-kay. Can you tell me where you are?”
Probably not, but Buck could give it a try.
“…Home.”
Well shit.
“And… where is that, exactly?”
Fucking hell, did Josh sound judgy. Not that Buck could blame him. He was dealing with someone who, apparently, couldn’t string together a full sentence.
Fuck. He had to spit out his address, or what was even the point of calling 9-1-1?
“600… S-South Spring…”
“Got it. 600 S Spring Street. That’s an apartment building, correct?”
“…Yes.”
“Can you tell me which apartment you’re calling from?”
Urgh… that would be a dead give-away. Josh had been to his place before. He knew which apartment Buck lived in.
He definitely wasn’t getting out of this without someone calling Maddie.
“5th f-floor… 4B.”
The typing that Buck could vaguely hear on the other end of the line came to an abrupt halt.
“Buck? Is that you?”
Unfortunately.
“D-Don’t… D-Don’t tell… Maddie…”
“I won’t, buddy, it’s okay. Can you tell me what’s going on?”
“…Fire.”
“Yeah, you said that. Is it the whole building or just your apartment?”
“…think… whole…”
“Okay. I noticed you’re slurring your words, did you take a hit to the head or anything?”
Buck shook his head, despite knowing that Josh couldn’t see it.
“Beer…”
“Oh, you’re drunk?”
“Uh huh.”
“Okay. It’s okay. How many beers have you had?”
“5…”
“Okay. Um. Do you think you could get yourself out of the building?”
If he could get his limbs to cooperate, and the way out was clear, sure.
But he didn’t know if the fire was in the hallway or not.
It very well could be, depending on where it started.
One thing was for sure though, Buck couldn’t stay where he was. The flames were spreading quickly, and half of his living room was already engulfed.
And Hen would probably be smacking Buck over the head and telling him to move if she could see how close the fire was getting to where he was standing.
Okay.
So maybe he was more drunk than he’d originally thought.
“I… I… I…”
“I’ll take that as a no.”
Yeah… that was probably for the best.
Smoke from the fire drifted over, stinging Buck’s throat and eyes as he began to cough.
“Okay, Buck, I need you to get away from the fire. Can you do that for me?”
Buck stumbled backwards, trying to move away from the flames, and felt his heart sink when he looked up and saw that his bedroom was already a raging inferno.
Shit.
All that experience, all that training, and Buck hadn’t even been able to tell that his apartment was on fire until the wall 4 feet to his left went up.
Sure, it was most definitely the alcohol’s fault, but Buck didn’t think Eddie or Bobby would accept that as an excuse.
Fuck.
Eddie.
Eddie was in Texas.
Eddie was his emergency contact, and he wasn’t even in the same state.
Hopefully Buck wouldn’t have to go to a hospital, because he would hate for Eddie’s Christmas to be ruined by that phone call, but he wasn’t sober enough to keep anyone from calling his emergency contact if it came to that.
“Buck?”
A painful cough ripped through Buck’s frame, as he stumbled closer to his front door.
“Buck, can you hear me?”
“…Y-Yeah.”
“Thank God. The 133 is on scene. There should be someone on the way up to get you right now.”
Well, that was just great.
Captain Mehta was an old acquaintance. This… might not end well.
Just then, Buck heard his front door crash inwards, and turned towards the sound.
“You Evan Buckley?”
Buck barely managed a somewhat uncoordinated nod before the firefighter was slinging him across his broad shoulders and sprinting out of the apartment.
It was kind of embarrassing, being carried out of a fire like that, but Buck knew that he didn’t have enough control over his body at the moment to have made it out in a timely manner any other way.
Christ, everyone was going to think he had a drinking problem.
In no time at all the firefighter was setting Buck back on his feet in front of the burning building, grimacing in disgust as Buck leaned over and emptied his stomach on the poor guy’s boots.
4 flights of stairs with a firm shoulder jammed into his gut after making his way through 5/6 of a six pack on an empty stomach certainly did not do him any favors, and he kind of felt bad for giving the firefighter’s boots a beer rinse.
“You okay there, dude?” The firefighter asked.
“…Fine.” Buck replied. The word was slurred and barely intelligible, even to Buck, but it seemed good enough for the firefighter.
Somehow with so many people outside that needed help, Buck managed to duck the paramedics and leave the scene.
Sure, he’d taken in a lot of smoke, but he hated hospitals.
Especially when he was drunk.
He’d grab an Uber and then go in the morning if his coughing hadn’t subsided yet. It would be fine.
But where to Uber to?
Bobby and Athena would be pissed that he hadn’t stuck around to get checked out, and they’d take him to the hospital, themselves.
Maddie would fuss over him while Chimney gave him a quick exam, after which Buck knew they’d take him to the hospital.
Hen would insist on checking him out herself. And then she and Karen would probably drive him to the hospital.
Damnit, sometimes it was inconvenient that all of his family and friends were medical professionals.
And Eddie… Eddie was out of the question.
Even if he had still been in LA, he’d have been the worst one of the bunch. He’s have lectured Buck endlessly, and he’d have forced Buck to stay with him for a week at minimum. Probably more, since Buck no longer had an apartment.
But… he did have his keys.
And Eddie wasn’t at his house. Not the one in LA, anyway.
Buck could go there, sleep off his drunken state, and figure out what the hell he was going to tell everyone, once he sobered up.
It was a perfect plan.
Buck unlocked his phone, and noticed that Josh had hung up the line at some point. Probably as soon as the firefighter had gotten Buck outside.
He then brought up his Uber app, and ordered a ride.
As luck would have it, his driver was only 3 blocks way, and had gotten to him pretty quickly.
In almost no time at all, Buck was climbing back out of the car, and giving the guy a hefty tip, before stumbling his way up to Eddie’s front door.
There wasn’t much in the house that wasn’t packed up in boxes, awaiting Eddie to come load them up and take them away.
But, one thing that Buck was very glad had not fit in a box, was Eddie’s couch.
Maybe Buck should have gone and taken a shower first, since he did smell like smoke and booze.
But he was just so tired.
And it had been an emotionally draining couple days.
So, barely even pausing to kick his shoes off, Buck stretched out on Eddie’s couch and pulled a plush throw blanket over himself.
Within a minute, he was dead to the world.
Maddie Buckley-Han had received her fair share of panic-inducing phone calls. Probably more than her share, actually.
But it never got any easier to get them.
11pm Christmas Eve night was probably the time she’d been the least prepared for one, but that’s when Josh had called her.
Apparently, Buck’s apartment building burnt down, and Buck had been drunk as a skunk when he’d called 9-1-1, and had been incapable of getting himself out.
Josh hadn’t been able to confirm whether or not Buck made it out of the building, as the line had dropped before the firefighter that was supposed to be going to get him had arrived.
But, he had been able to tell her that, if Buck got out, he 100% would have been taken to a hospital for smoke inhalation.
Maddie and Chimney had made the calls around to every hospital within 30 miles of Buck’s apartment to try and find him, but no one fitting his description had been brought in.
They hated calling everyone without having answers, but they didn’t have a choice.
Buck had been drunk and stuck in a burning building and was now missing.
They couldn’t exactly just keep that to themselves.
Though, the decision to call Eddie had been a hard one. He was in Texas, it’s not like he’d be able to help them locate Buck.
But Chimney had pointed out that Eddie was probably still Buck’s emergency contact, so he might have gotten a call that they didn’t.
He hadn’t gotten any calls, but he did end up nearly having a panic attack when he learned that Buck was missing.
He’d booked himself on a red-eye flight to LA immediately, Christopher insisting on coming along, because it was Buck.
They’d arrived at LAX at around 4am, at which point Hen had picked them up and brought them to Maddie’s, where everyone was still calling and re-calling the local hospitals.
After 2 hours of nothing, everyone dispersed, Bobby electing to drop Eddie and Christopher off at their place on his way home.
Eddie hadn’t really known what to think when he’d gotten the call from Maddie.
Buck? Missing? Surely it had to be a joke. Maybe it was one of Chimney’s schemes to get Eddie back in LA.
He wished that was the case.
Buck’s apartment burned down and he was unaccounted for.
He’d also been extremely drunk when the fire started, which had surprised Eddie.
Buck was a casual drinker, but he never drank excessively.
Not unless he was upset.
And, well. Eddie could guess pretty well what Buck would have to be upset about.
This would have been the first Christmas in 7 years that Buck didn’t spend either with Eddie on shift or at the Diaz home.
And he didn’t need anyone to make him feel bad about that, okay? Christopher had done plenty of that, angrily telling Eddie that it was his fault Buck had gone missing, because Eddie had been in Texas where he wasn’t needed instead of where Buck needed him to be.
Christopher was also angry about the fact that Eddie had told him he could come home any time he was ready and then he’d taken that home away.
Even when trying to do what was right for his kid, Eddie still couldn’t do the right thing.
Chris hadn’t spoken one word to him on the flight, or since landing in LA, and the walk up to what was about to be their former front door was no different.
And then, they got up to the porch and found the front door unlocked.
Now, Eddie knew for a fact that he’d locked the door the last time he left. And he also knew that he hadn’t tracked soot all over the welcome mat.
Without hesitation, Eddie threw the door open and rushed inside, something loosening in his chest when he saw Buck drooling on the couch.
For a moment, Eddie had been afraid that he’d lost Buck forever.
But here he was. Sleeping on Eddie’s couch, like always.
Though the labored breathing and blue-tinged lips were new.
“Damn it, Buck.” Eddie hissed as he rushed to the couch.
Maddie had been right about Buck having smoke inhalation.
Unfortunately, she’d been wrong about Buck seeking medical attention for it.
“What’s wrong with him?” Christopher asked in a small voice.
Any other time, Eddie would have celebrated the fact that Chris had actually talked to him, but right this moment, he was more worried about making sure Buck continued breathing.
“Smoke inhalation. He’s been with it long enough that his lungs are probably inflamed. He’s not getting enough oxygen.”
Simple and clinical. The exact opposite of the way he wanted to be with Buck.
Eddie’s hand found Buck’s neck, and pressed gently to his pulse point. “Heart rate elevated. Not unexpected, but still concerning.”
Eddie then leaned down and pulled Buck’s shirt up until his chest was bared, and placed his ear over Buck’s sternum.
“Fuck. Okay. Lungs definitely inflamed. Thankfully, it seems that there hasn’t been any complications from his pulmonary embolism scarring yet.”
Yet.
That was the operative word here.
The longer Buck went without treatment, the greater the possibility that a complication could arise.
And with Buck’s medical history… well. It wouldn’t be good.
Eddie gently slid an arm under Buck’s shoulder blades, and placed the other under his knees, before lifting him up, resolutely ignoring the fact that Buck’s labored breathing got just the tiniest bit easier at Eddie’s touch.
“Call Maddie.” Eddie told Christopher. “Tell her to meet us at Cedars. Buck needs oxygen too badly for us to wait for an ambulance. We’ve got to get him to the—” car. They didn’t have a car. Fuck. “On second thought, scratch that. Call Bobby. He can’t be too far away yet. Tell him to get back here as quick as he can.”
Chrisopher looked at Eddie with wide eyes, then nodded with a determined expression, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he did so.
Evan Buckley wasn’t quite sure what he expected upon waking up.
Maybe he was expecting to see the cream-colored ceiling of Eddie’s living room and an empty house.
Maybe he thought the night before could have been nothing, but a beer-induced dream and he would be seeing the dusty rafters above his own living room.
But he certainly hadn’t expected to wake up to harsh hospital lighting surrounded by people sporting Christmas sweaters and stern expressions.
“Fuck.” He groaned, tipping his head back against the pillow.
“So, funny story.” Bobby started, voice casual, but eyes hard. “I was talking to Maddie this morning. Told her I was sorry that whatever she had planned for you guys was ruined. Imagine my surprise, when she said you told her you had plans with Hen. Which Hen knew nothing about, because you told her you had plans with Eddie’s aunt. Now, no one has asked Pepa yet, but I think it’s safe to say that was another lie.”
Buck closed his eyes with a sigh.
He’d known his web of lies would fall apart. Of course he’d known. But he was hoping that when it did, he’d be in a better position to defend himself. Or run away from the ire he was sure to have directed at him.
“I’m sorry.” Buck said weakly.
“Another lie.” Bobby’s voice was no longer casual. “Do they ever stop with you? You could have died last night. If Josh hadn’t called Maddie, no one would have known you were in the building, because everyone was under the impression you were somewhere else. You could have laid in Eddie’s house for days before anyone found you.”
Buck’s half-lidded eyes snapped fully open in panic. “Don’t tell Eddie. Please don’t tell Eddie.”
Bobby raised his eyebrows. “Buck—”
“Please.” Buck begged. “Please don’t tell him.”
Then a voice spoke up from behind Hen and Karen. “Why not?”
Buck froze, and Hen and Karen both moved to the side, revealing an annoyed looking Eddie Diaz.
“Eddie…”
“Why didn’t you want them to tell me?” Eddie asked.
Buck looked down at his lap, hands fidgeting. “I… I…”
“Buck. Why didn’t you want them to tell me?”
Buck closed his eyes and swallowed heavily. “I’m not your problem anymore.”
“Is that what you think?” Buck heard Eddie move closer to the bed. “Buck, you were never a problem to begin with. If you’re upset or hurt, I want to know. And not from your sister calling me in the middle of the night in tears because your place burnt down and no one could find you.”
Buck squeezed his eyes shut even tighter when he felt Eddie’s hand land gently on his arm.
“When I walked in and found you,” Eddie said quietly. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it. You’d already been without oxygen for so long… I was a medic. I knew the chances of you waking up with brain damage or slipping into another coma. I thought I was going to lose you.”
Buck reopened his eyes and stared into Eddie’s big brown ones as the man continued speaking. “And then I realized that I was about to anyway. That I was leaving you, and I don’t think it had really sunk in until then. I knew I was going to Chris, but I didn’t fully realize that in doing so I was leaving you. But you did. You had to have. That’s why you were upset, and that’s why you were drinking. This is all my—”
“Don’t.” Buck tried to sit up, but had to abandon the effort and collapse back on the bed when the movement caused his nasal canula to shift. He hadn’t even realized he’d been wearing one until then. “This isn’t your fault, Eds. It’s mine, okay? Not yours.”
“You wouldn’t have been drinking if I had been here.” Eddie pointed out. “Hell, you wouldn’t even have been in the loft. You’d have been at my place like always, and you and I would have seen the fire on the news like everyone else. Neither one of us would be in this hospital right now if I hadn’t left.”
“You left for Christopher.” Buck said. “You left because he needed—”
“No, he didn’t, and trust me, he’s spent the last 20 hours making sure I knew that.” Eddie cleared his throat. “I think he’s more mad at me now than he was before, but… I have to thank you.”
Buck scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “For what?”
“For being your stubborn self and dodging medical attention and then almost dying, I guess.” Eddie swallowed. “He was so worried about you. We both were. And… he asked to come home.”
Buck grinned. “Eddie! That’s amazing, man. I’m so happy for you.”
Eddie shook his head and squeezed Buck’s arm just a bit. “He didn’t do it for me. He did it for you. For us, probably, but definitely for you. So, listen to what the doctors tell you and make sure you get better, because I’m going to need some help.”
“With what?”
Eddie smiled softly. “Christopher said that too much has happened in our old place, and I agree. Plus… it’s not really big enough for three people, is it?”
“Three?”
“Yep.” Eddie said, soft smile turning into a full-blown grin. “Me and Christopher. And you, of course. If you want.”
Buck’s lips parted in surprise. “Eddie… I can’t—”
“Say yes, Buck.” Eddie told him. “You already spend most of your time at my place anyway. Your loft burning down just adds another reason.”
“Are you sure about this?”
Eddie shook his head fondly. “If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be asking.”
Buck took a moment to look around the room.
Hen and Karen were giving him thumbs up behind Eddie’s back, Maddie was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue while Chimney tried not to smile, and Bobby and Athena were watching him with raised eyebrows, as if asking ‘what are you waiting for?’
Buck then looked back at Eddie, who was still watching him expectantly.
24 hours ago, Buck thought he was going to be losing Eddie for good. But now… now his best friend was offering him more than what he’d ever thought he’d get.
“Okay.” Buck whispered, cheering starting up around the room instantly.
Eddie leaned forward and hugged Buck tightly. The angle was a bit awkward because of the hospital bed, but neither man cared. They both needed the contact after coming so close to being apart forever.
“Merry Christmas, Buck.” Eddie whispered into the dirty blonde curls.
Buck held Eddie back even tighter. “Merry Christmas, Eds.”