Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hyunjin blinked his eyes open and groaned, rolling over, entirely not ready to be awake yet. He snuggled into the pillow before opening his eyes once more. The sight in front of him made his heart burst and his mouth quirked in an uncontrollable smile. He sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, continuing to watch … unable to look away.

Facing him, fast asleep, hair tussled on his pillow, lay Chan, his face still peaceful with sleep, his cheeks puffy, eyelids fluttering gently, and mouth parted slightly. His bare shoulders and chest usually made Hyunjin startle and blush, but that was not the focus of his attention this morning.

Hyunjin’s five-month-old daughter lay in Chan’s arms, her body snuggled up to his chest and her arms reaching up to his face as she slept. Her little maroon sleeper was slightly wrinkled and twisted up from her restless night, her dark hair splayed in every direction on Chan’s pillow, she sighed softly and snuggled gently closer to the older man, her fingers tightening in their little fists. Her lips parted into a pout and moved in a pulsing rhythm; she was dreaming of a bottle. Hyunjn sighed at the sight and took a mental picture, saving it forever.

Nari must have woken up in the middle of the night and Hyunjin didn’t hear. Chan was good about getting to her before she woke all the way up when this happened, picking her up and snuggling, rocking her in his arms to soothe her before laying her back down in her crib in the corner. However, this time, it seemed he brought her back to his bed with him, to co-sleep for the last hours of the night.

As Nari snuggled closer, Chan stirred as well, his arms curling around her protectively, and Hunjin couldn’t hold in a smile, his eyes clouding with happy tears. He sat up slowly, smoothing the comforter on his lap, and looking down at his boyfriend, wondering how on earth he became this lucky. Gratitude flowed through him like coastal waves, and he had to close his eyes momentarily, still too sleepy for that level of emotions.

He was broken out of his moment by Nari gurgling and whining softly as she woke up, and when he looked back at her, he found Chan’s eyes lasered in on him, puffy from sleep and sparkling. He was smiling gently, his eyebrows lax, and he whispered a soft good morning as Nari wriggled out of his arms and crawled across the bed over to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin gathered the baby into his arms and started peppering her small face with kisses, listening to her giggles ring out into the bedroom, and he smiled back at Chan, who was laid back, his arms stretching over his head and watching him, admiring him, his kind eyes speaking multitudes, anthems … everything Hyunjin needed to wake up every day.

It was Jisung who came up with the brilliant idea to visit the aquarium a few days before Christmas. However, despite the cold, everyone bundled up in hoodies, hats, and scarves and had an absolute blast. Felix and Seungmin smuggled a thermos full of hot chocolate in their backpacks, Minho brought the cam recorder and was silently taking photos and recording small moments for later, and Jeongin remembered to bring hand warmers for everyone. The eight of them huddled around the baby to make sure she was plenty warm and set off, like a herd of lions surrounding a cub, down the sidewalk and into the aquarium.

There were Christmas lights everywhere, all over the exhibits, and Nari was glued to them instantly, pointing and squealing at the sparkling shadows that danced in all directions. The boys thought it was adorable, and they all had their phones out taking pictures of her. Hyunjin and Chan stood to the side and gave the helm of the stroller to Felix, who was being extra careful not to do anything crazy, but still managing to have ruckus amounts of fun, and laced their fingers together, watching and smiling.

“You doing okay?” Chan was checking in a lot lately, something he did when he was nervous but didn’t know why.

Hyunjin smiled softly and laid his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, finding warmth in the man’s wool coat. He nodded.

“I am, yes. You?”

Their breath fogged up in front of them as they followed the herd of uncles through the jellyfish exhibit; tall, vibrantly lit tanks with massive blobby creatures floating in them and watching over everything. If possible, the jellyfishes looked … stoic. Hyunjin wrinkled his nose humorously at the thought, and they kept walking.

Chan hummed. “It’s … cold. But they’re having so much fun,” he giggled quietly, good-naturedly rolling his eyes at his friends in front of them, who had taken Nari out of her stroller and were showing her the exhibits up close, high atop Seungmin’s shoulders, her little fists clutched around his ears painfully tight as she giggled and squealed. They overheard them loudly arguing about who got to hold her next, once they got to the crustacean’s exhibit. Felix was winning by a long shot, saying he had the fastest reflexes and was the strongest. Changbin was then laughing and challenging him to an arm-wrestling match.

“They are … “ Hyunjin squeezed Chan’s hand, and they stopped to look at the information board by the jellyfish sentries, letting the boys wander ahead, singing a strange rendition of a forgotten Christmas carol.

Things were good.

It was an accident. It was. Chan didn’t mean to see it, but he grabbed Hyunjin’s laptop since it was closer to him on the table, and when you go to type a question into the explorer search bar, the recent search history … is just … there.

It was an accident.

But …

He read the first three recent searches before he could think about stopping himself, in the blink of an eye, and promptly stopped breathing.

Foster to Adopt

Foster Licensing Process

Adoption Process

Chan stared at his boyfriend’s search history and his chest opened up as if he’d been shot point-blank range, blood seeping into his shirt and dripping onto the floor. Without thinking, he blurted out, turning to stare at Hyunjin, who was drying his hands at the sink,

“You want to have another one?” The shock was evident in his voice, despite his poor attempt at hiding it. He tried to remember how to take a breath, but the act seemed worlds away, a skill he never even learned to master. Just out of reach.

Hyunjin’s head snapped up and he gaped at him, fear lacing his eyes and his mouth opening in shock. He stared, blinking, for a long time before turning around and clasping his hands in front of him, his head hung slightly. When his voice reached Chan’s ears, it was broken, messy … hurt. Chan hurt him?

“You weren’t supposed to see that …”

Boom.

Chan gasped, the second gunshot wound taking its place next to the first, twin holes blinking up at him from his heart. His hands shaking uncontrollably, he dropped the laptop and shot up from his seat, his legs carrying him despite how he wasn’t able to feel them. He sank to his knees in front of Hyunjin and took the man’s hands in his own, forcing them together.

“Baby …” he breathed, watching Hyunjin’s eyes flicker in wariness, hesitance.

“You don’t … you never have to hide things from me, baby. Please … please, you know this? Tell me you know this?” His eyes burned and he swallowed, feeling the weight of the situation bearing down on his shoulders mercilessly. He waited, holding his breath, for Hyunjin to process the words.

His boyfriend was fighting tears already, he knew this. He always knew. His mouth would wobble, and he would try to hide it by biting them, his eyebrows knitting in pain at the feeling, and his breathing would hitch loudly in the back of his throat, a deep, painful sound. His hands would shake, so normally, he would bring them up to his face to distract himself from the feeling, pulling at his hair or scratching his ear.

Chan knew all this. He knew the signs.

“I just …” Hyunjin sighed, bowing his head. Chan squeezed his hands, waiting with a bleeding chest for the answer to the unspoken question. Why don’t you trust me why don’t you trust me why don’t you trust me please trust me please trust me please I can take it please …

“I didn’t want you to … I don’t want you to think I … that I was maybe going too fast with things. It was just, I wanted to see what the options were, and maybe then I could think about it for a while, and then I would ask you what you thought.” He sniffled and Chan’s heart leapt to his throat.

“I was trying to go slow, I promise … I’m sorry. I’ll stop.” Hyunjin whispered the last bit, biting his lip and shrinking away from Chan’s grasp.

Wordlessly, the older man stood up and gathered Hyunjin into his arms, shushing him and rocking them back and forth. Not knowing what else to do, he held him close, not letting him go, murmuring into the man’s dark, glossy hair,

“Oh, darling … I’m right here …” Hyunjin cried softly into Chan’s shirt for a few minutes before he calmed, sniffing every few seconds and lightly grasping the front of his shirt in his hands, finding safety and solace in the man’s arms. They stood for a while, content to simply be in the other’s arms, protecting time to be in each other’s space.

“Hey, look at me?”

Hyunjin lifted his head slowly to obey, his eyes red with feeling, and his breath stuttering in his chest.

Chan reached down and smoothed the hair from his boyfriend’s forehead, smiling shyly, feeling his own tears begin to surface.

“Don’t stop.”

Hyunjin blinked.

“You’re not going too fast.”

His eyes blew wide.

“You can still take as long as you need to think about it, okay?” Chan smiled again, his voice wet with happy tears. “And I’ll be right here. But you don’t have to be ashamed anymore. Okay?” He pressed a kiss to Hyunjin’s temple and squeezed him in his arms once more before standing back, letting him catch his breath. His heartbeat going wild at the thought, he let himself have this one moment, this one space in time … where he could give Hyunjin what he wanted.

Hyunjin nodded, shakily, wiping his eyes, before smiling a tiny smile and snorting, “Well, shit, hyung …”

Chan chuckled. “What?”

Hyunjin looked up, his eyes sparkling. He folded his arms across his chest and whispered, “You wanna be parents with me?”

Chan squinted playfully. “I thought I already was?”

“You know what I mean.”

“You mean, do I wanna make you a father?”

“Hyung!” Hyunjin gasped, his hands flying to his mouth and his cheeks reddening.

Chan cackled loudly and tipped his head back, sighing. This was turning out to be a rollercoaster of a day, his chest still feeling phantom pains from phantom bullets, and his heart aching with happiness every time he caught Hyunjin’s eyes. His mind was filled with a pleasant buzzing and he closed his eyes for a moment before muttering in response, the sound echoing softly about the bedroom,

“Yes, Hyunjin. I want to have a child with you. I want to build a family with you, with Nari … and with whoever else you want.”

Not willing to let a good bit go by, Hyunjin snickered, “Even if I wanna adopt Seungminnie?”

Chan sighed. “Sure, baby. Whatever you want.”

Chan had moved in about a month after they started dating. It made sense to move into Hyunjin’s apartment since it was closer to campus, and Chan’s lease was about to expire anyway. It’d taken an entire day and all the uncles for him to schlepp all his boxes and books across town, maneuvering what he could on the subway, the rest with a moving van, and by the time Hyunjin had come home from work that night, he’d had a new roommate. A handsome one, who didn’t mind changing midnight diapers for him. Sweet.

Christmas came and went, and it turned out to be absolutely lovely. Jeongin had taken a week or so to visit his parents across the country, so the two had the apartment to themselves for the holiday. That was, until Felix and Jisung came pounding on the door, shouting something about honeymoons being over. Whatever that meant.

The rest of their friends trickled in during the next several days, and by New Years, all eight of them (Jeongin having flown back in time for the ball to drop and to drink champagne) were sleeping on Hyunjin’s couches after celebrating together, a subtle nod to Thanksgiving.

Nari adjusted well to a second caretaker, a more prominent one than her many, many uncles. She attached to Chan easily enough, and none of the big changes seemed to affect her badly. Even so, Chan and Hyunjin tried to make the transition as smooth as possible, making sure Hyunjin was in Nari’s sight for all of the first several days, and Chan kept quiet, not making too much noise or too much disturbance in the quiet, peaceful household that Hyunjin had established early in the child’s life. Early.

Chan’s favorite time was at night. Not only because he got to sleep next to his boyfriend, but because he got to witness the tenderest part of the day, the sweetest part of Hyunjin’s relationship with his daughter. When the lights dimmed, the coos and sighs became a balm for any sores from the daytime, and most of all … the sound of Hyunjin gently singing Nari to sleep.

When Chan first asked, one of the first nights he’d slept over, Hyunjin had smiled shyly and shrugged.

“It’s how my mother got me to sleep when I was little … she told me to try it at the beginning, and it stuck, I guess …”

He went back to working at the kitchen table as if he didn’t just overload Chan with the cutest fucking thing he’d ever heard.

Several weeks later, he asked what song it was that Hyunjin sang every night. The same tune stuck in Chan’s head throughout his days at school, running in circles around him and soothing him effortlessly. The soft sounds and melody cascading over him … at night, he found himself becoming sleepier and sleepier each time, listening to Hyunjin’s voice. 

Hyunjin had once more shrugged and said it was the song his mother sang him, but something about the way he said it made Chan second guess him. It seemed too special … too personal, like Hyunjin was scared to share this part of him with Chan. Perhaps it was a melody he’d made up? Maybe there was a meaning, but it was too much to talk about? Chan pondered quietly for a few days before quietly moving on.

He found himself learning the tune, though, involuntarily. He hummed it to himself as he washed dishes, he sang the tune gently in the shower, it slowly ingrained itself in his mind and … he loved it. It was like a rite of passage for him. It was as if a piece of Hyunjin and a piece of Nari were molded together inside his heart, fusing into his DNA and becoming, then, a piece of him. It felt right.

It felt good.

One Sunday, Hyunjin had come home from having lunch with Felix and Jisung looking absolutely devastated, and Chan sensed it the second the apartment door opened. He had just finished putting Nari down for her nap and was slowly walking down the stairs when Hyunjin toed his shoes off silently, his head hung and his shoulders tense.

Chan, not wanting to crowd his boyfriend, stood by the stairs and watched, worried. Hyunjin must have seen him, for he slowly walked over, his socked feet making no noise, and held his hands out for Chan’s embrace.

Not knowing what was going on but not caring, Chan wrapped him in his arms, letting him borrow his nervous system for a bit. Hyunjin sank into the man’s arms, taking a deep, shuddering breath, and rested for a few moments before muttering,

“Do you have any plans for the next hour or so?”

Curious, Chan shook his head. “No. I just put Nari down. What do you need to do?”

Hyunjin, without stepping out of the embrace, pulled his head out and looked up at Chan with big eyes, blinking in question.

“Come snuggle with me? Nap?” he whispered, voice small, catching in his throat.

Without hesitation, Chan nodded. “Absolutely.”

Thirty minutes later, Chan was staring sleepily at the ceiling of their bedroom, Hyunjin half asleep in his arms, his soft breaths falling on Chan’s shirt. Chan rubbed his hands over Hyunjin’s shoulders comfortingly, and Hyunjin sighed gently, shifting closer and slowly swinging his leg over Chan’s, twining them together.

The white noise machine on the dresser made it hard to stay awake, but Chan had an inkling, an inchworm of a feeling that Hyunjin wanted to say something before they fell asleep. He forced his eyelids to stay open, watching his boyfriend out of his peripheral vision.

Hyunjin blinked slowly and bit his lip, his tired eyes darting all around the room as his arms tightened around Chan’s waist, quietly grasping for more comfort, which he found when Chan then pressed a kiss to the top of his head. The younger’s black hair smoothed back from his face onto their tan and white checkered pillowcases, Chan could see the way his eyebrows were still knit gently together in worry. The older man took a deep inhale, watching it shift Hyunjin by proximity, and whispered gently,

“Did something happen?”

A long silence occurred before Hyunjin breathed,

“I was thinking about dropping out of school for a bit.”

Chan startled a little, but tried not to show it.

“Okay …” he whispered back, “that’s fine, Hyunjin … you can do whatever you want.” Wondering why this was worrying his boyfriend so much, he waited, keeping the quiet and the peace that surrounded them, creating a safe bubble for them.

Hyunjin looked up gently at him, and he smiled softly, letting the younger latch onto the bubble, encouraging him to continue.

“You’re not … mad at me, or … you’re okay with that?” Hyunjin blinked, his voice small again, as if he was afraid to take up space. He hadn’t acted like this in months, so worry spiked gently in the older man’s stomach.

Chan’s eyebrows rose in shock at the words before he could stop them and he gasped, “What? Why would I be mad at you? School is a lot, and you already have a great job, so … “

Hyunjin swallowed hard and leaned back, propping himself on his elbow to look at Chan fully. “We wouldn’t see each other during the day anymore … and, well, it’s …” he looked down, fiddling with the fabric of Chan’s shirt.

“It’s a big change for me.”

Ah, there it is.

Chan silently leaned up and over to press a quiet kiss to his lips, hearing the sigh escape his chest when he did. Hyunjin closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, seeking comfort again. Chan smiled softly, admiring his boyfriend’s face quietly.

Pulling back, he reached up to smooth the younger’s hair, running his fingers through it, and nodded.

“You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. We live together, now … and I’ll text you during my breaks. It won’t be that different … Okay?”

It took a few seconds for Hyunjin to think his way through the picture Chan painted. He sat, his eyes moving quietly to the bedspread underneath them, his mouth pursing quietly as he thought. He nodded and he looked at him with a gentle determination that Chan had to smile adoringly at, and muttered, decidedly,

“Okay.”

Hyunjin wanted to go back to working full-time once he dropped out of college, so he offered to pay Jisung and Felix to do daycare for him throughout the week when they didn’t have classes. The two agreed heartily, even saying they didn’t need to be paid. Hyunjin had protested, which resulted in Felix giving him a long lecture about “family” and how it “takes a village.” Regardless, Hyunjin always made sure he had plenty of dinner to feed his friends on the days they stayed over and watched his daughter. It was the least he could do.

They settled into a routine, Chan leaning for work first in the morning, taking the train across the city. Hyunjin would get Nari up and dressed and ready for breakfast by the time one of the boys would arrive, and they would take over once Hyunjn left. He then walked to the office a few miles away. He would call Chan on his lunch break, hear about his morning so far, and then settle into work until 5. Chan got home a little bit before him and would release Felix or Jisung, taking Nari for a small walk in the park before Hyunjin got home.

Sometimes, Hyunjin would walk to the park to meet them, and then they would all walk home together, going at a toddler’s pace and letting Nari touch every rock and every leaf they passed, her little babbles and gurgles making them smile and forget every stress of their work days.

Things were good.

Seungmin came over every few days, saying he needed baby snuggled in order to finish his homework, and Hyunjin welcomed the company, smiling as he watched the younger scoop Nari up in his arms and swing her around, their laughter intermingling and casting a beautiful light into every corner of the apartment. Seungmin helped Hyunjin with bathtime, singing outrageous children’s songs and pulling amazing giggles from the tiny baby.

Things were good. Spring turned to Summer quietly, almost unnoticed.

Nari was growing out of the baby stages before their eyes. The second her little legs hit the floor, she was off like a rocket, crawling and climbing over everything in sight, giving both men a run for their money. Hyunjin had frantically bought locks for all the kitchen cabinets and Chan had to untangle Nari from the cords coming from the living room TV on multiple occasions.

Her personality grew just as fast as her body did, and there were endless times when Hyunjin or Chan would burst into giggles at her facial expression or her developing vocalizations about things. Even though she was too young to begin forming words, she understood them, and it was amazing to watch. She knew when Chan said ‘go see daddy’, that he meant Hyunjin, and her eyes would find the younger man from across the room. When she found him, she would smile really big and crawl over to him to hold her hands up to be held.

Hyunjin would say, his voice high-pitched and happy, “Oh, good girl, baby!” and reach down to pull her up into his arms. They would laugh and snuggle before he’d set her down and she’d go back to playing.

Nari knew that when Hyunjin looked at her with pursed lips and knit eyebrows, pointing at her and saying, his voice low and serious, “No,” that it meant she was doing something she shouldn’t. Whether she obeyed and stopped what she was doing or decided to smile mischievously and keep doing it … was entirely different.

One night, Hyunjin came home late to Chan sitting on the floor in the living room in tears, and Nari playing happily with her blocks in front of him. As soon as Chan heard Hyunjin walk into the room, he burst into louder cries and softly stood up, reaching his hands for his boyfriend, who was entirely too confused.

Chan buried his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder and gasped quietly, “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry …”

Hyunjin shushed him, quickly returning the hug, “Shhh… it’s okay, hyung, what happened? It’s okay, you’re okay … here, sit, tell me …” he led the older to the couch where he sat them down, still letting Chan hide in his arms.

After a minute, he lifted his head and Hyunjin saw the despair and vulnerability written on his boyfriend’s face, coloring his cheeks and sending lightning bolts up his arms from where they were connected.

“I … I had to smack her. Just a little tap on her wrist, but … fuck, it was so much, Hyunnie …” Chan wiped his eyes and Hyunjin felt his heart surge a little at the sight. Before he could respond, the man continued, “She figured out how to take out the outlet covers and I found her messing with them, so I told her no, over and over, and she wasn’t listening … so I had to, I’m so sorry …” he hung his head and bit his lip.

Relief and sympathy rushed through Hyunjin, and he reached up to smooth Chan’s hair away from his forehead.

“Deep breaths …” he whispered, watching his boyfriend’s eyes latch onto his in soft hope.

“It’s okay, hyung … I promise. You’re okay.” He muttered, his shoulders relaxing now that he knew that nothing caught on fire, and nobody died. He went on to reassure him,

“I love you, and I trust you with her … and outlets are a big deal, right? Like, that’s serious … and hopefully now she’ll listen to you when you tell her ‘no’ … plus, look? See?” He pointed over to the toddler, who was babbling happily as she stacked blocks and clacked them together in her hands.

“She’s not hurt. She’s happy playing now. See? No harm done, it’s alright.” He smoothed his hands over Chan’s arms soothingly and watched the man’s eyes glance over to Nari and immediately soften, his tears ceasing quickly. He wiped his eyes and nodded shakily, sighing in exhaustion. Feeling touched that his boyfriend was so concerned about discipline, Hyunjin smiled gently.

“It’s okay, hyung. Toddlers are the worst,” he whispered, hiding the words from Nari’s sight with one of his hands, and making Chan giggle through his sniffling. He then pulled the man back into his arms and they flopped against the couch cushions, snuggling for a bit before they started dinner.

They started having more conversations about parenting after that. Nari needed more attention as she neared her first birthday, and they agreed on how they wanted to handle the tantrums and the whining. Hyunjin called his mother for advice a lot. Chan stayed up late reading parenting books and researching. They ironed out wrinkles and worked well together. They only disagreed about one thing.

“I’m just saying, I think she should be able to climb up the fuckin’ stairs if she wants to. As long as one of us is with her so she doesn’t fall over backwards, she’s fine!”

Hyunjin slammed the dishwasher closed and continued cleaning the kitchen, loudly. He sighed and replied, over his shoulder, a bitter note to his voice but not unkind.

“I know she would be fine, and when it’s time for bed she can crawl up herself, but during the day, we should get a baby gate to keep at the bottom, that way if we lose track of her, we won’t worry about her getting up there by herself. It’s just safer that way.”

Chan rolled his eyes from his spot on the couch where he was folding laundry. “Yeah, but then she’s going to have temper tantrums about not being able to go upstairs during the day.”

“She’ll have tantrums about other things, and she’ll survive.”

Hyunjin heard Chan huff and mutter something under his breath. He stopped wiping the counter down and snapped his head up, sending a playful glare into the back of his boyfriend’s head.

“What was that?” he saucily asked, his teasing voice bleeding into the argument.

Chan turned his head, a stubborn smirk on his face, and sassed back. “I just said I should get to be right at least one time!”

Hyunjin leaned back against the counter, folding his arms and leveling Chan with a squinted-eyes look. “Mmhmm … sure …”

Chan squinted back and they were in a stand-off.

Hyunjin broke the silence with a nod and a, “Baby gate.”

The older stood up from the couch and folded his arms, mocking Hyunjin.

“Nope.”

“I’ll smack you with this towel, babe.”

“Do it.”

Hyunjin huffed. “You’re impossible.”

Chan smiled, walking slowly into the kitchen, closing in on Hyunjin. “You just wanna kiss me so bad, huh?”

Hyunjin held the towel out, brandishing it between them, a sparkle in his eyes. “I’ll do it … turn around, bend over.”

Chan cackled at the teasing order and rushed Hyunjin, scooping him into his arms and ticking his sides, punching laughter from the man. They wrestled playfully for a bit before Hyunjin cried for mercy and they agreed to finish cleaning the house together, blasting old radio songs from their childhoods and dancing obnoxiously, singing into their fists as if they were holding microphones.

They didn’t talk much about Nari’s mother. After that day in December when Hyunjin told Chan everything, they’d kissed long and hard, a grounding and reassuring motion for Hyunjin, and a calming, confident feeling for Chan. He’d promised to do his best to be there for Hyunjin whenever he needed him. Hyunjin had agreed to begin therapy, a big step for him. Chan had recommended a friend of his and Minho’s, and for around seven or eight weeks, Hyunjin took the subway for a few hours outside the city every Saturday and came home with red eyes, a notebook full of notes, and a tired but kind smile on his lips.

After that, the topic rarely came up, not because it was merely sensitive, no. There was just no need.

Then, one day, Hyunjin nonchalantly admitted that he wished he could go to Korea, just to sit by the grave. “I never understood, when I was younger, why so many people would go the graveyard, but now I get it. It’s so strange, but I just want to … sit. And … be. It’s so weird. I just want to talk to thin air … isn’t that ridiculous?” He flashed Chan a strange smile and laughed lightly to himself, as if shrugging the feeling off, brushing it aside with a shaky hand, but at the same time, floundering and grasping frantically for control.

Chan stared, long after Hyunjin turned back to the dishes he was washing, and momentarily forgot everything he knew. It was like his eyes had been opened for the first time. This new, strange, flavor of grief was uncharted territory for him, but for the first time, he saw it as uncharted territory for Hyunjin as well. Of course, he would try to laugh it off. It’s fucking terrifying.

But this was different.

The floor dropped out from under him silently, muted … and his legs slowly carried him to stand directly behind Hyunjin, wrapping his arms around his waist from behind, and settling his chin on the younger man’s shoulder.

He felt Hyunjin stiffen a little and roll his neck in slight annoyance. He whined, a pained streak cracking his voice open, “No, hyung … don’t … don’t, like, make it a thing … I’m fine, I …” he bit his lip, and his hands shook while washing a mug.

Chan sighed and pressed his mouth into Hyunjin’s shirt, muttering gently, his heart breaking slowly, and his mind going a million directions, “I won’t, baby, just … just let me say this one thing, okay?”

Hyunjin nodded, his hands stopping their ministrations and he closed his eyes, waiting for Chan’s words.

“I know … you pretend some of your feelings aren’t real. And I get that. Sometimes, that’s true, they’re just feelings, they pass through you, it’s alright. But this one … baby, this one is real. And it isn’t funny.” Under his chin, Hyunjin’s frame began to tremble a little. Chan continued, this time in a hushed whisper, wanting his boyfriend to understand every word,

“This is real. This is a real thing, and I think … I think it would be good for you to work through it. You don’t have to be alone, though, I can be with you. I’ll be right next to you, and I’ll hold your hand the whole time. But I think you can do this.”

Chan closed his eyes and exhaled deeply before rinsing off Hyunjin’s hands, turning the faucet off, and turning the man around to face him.

Hyunjin looked up with big, wide, wet eyes and Chan’s insides melted. He cocked his head slightly before placing a feather-light kiss to the man’s cheek, whispering,

“May I? Be with you for that?”

Hyunjin blinked, licking his dry lips before shakily replying,

“I don’t … I don’t know how to do it, hyung. I don’t know how to work through it.”

Chan thought for a moment and nodded, rubbing his hands up and down Hyunjin’s arms soothingly. “That’s okay. I can help, if you want … do you? Want my help?”

To his slight surprise, Hyunjin gasped, and a few tears ran down his face. The man laughed breathlessly through his words, “Of course, Channie … of course I want your help, I … I need your help, I don’t, I can’t, I can’t …” he covered his face with his hands and laughed again.

“I can’t fuckin’ speak is what I can’t do …”

Chan smiled at his boyfriend’s giggling at his stutter. He pulled Hyunjin closer to his chest and took a deep breath.

He let Hyunjin ground himself for a moment before voicing his thoughts.

“What if we just made one? I know it’s not the real thing … but we could just do it. People do that all the time, right? A memorial. We could make a place for you to visit, put flowers or whatever …” He squeezed Hyunjin’s shoulders. “I think … I think she’d like that.”

He immediately blushed, embarrassed that he felt comfortable enough to voice what he thought Hyunjin’s late girlfriend would like at her hypothetical memorial. He grimaced internally at his own gall. Ah, what is wrong with you … he groaned at himself, wincing in preparation for Hyunjin’s dismissal.

A few moments passed before Hyunjin’s shaky voice reached Chan’s ears.

“You … you’d help me with something like that?”

Surprised out of his thoughts, Chan nodded, feeling Hyunjin’s arms tighten around his waist, “Of course! I would help you with anything, baby …”

He felt, through his shirt, Hyunjin’s smile at the pet name. Chan pulled away to try to look at the man’s face to tell what he was thinking, but he buried deeper into Chan’s chest, hiding for just a little longer. He did that a lot; it was endearing at times. Chan stuffed his worries away and was content just holding on for a moment or two more.

“I think she would like to meet you, hyung …”

Chan’s heart smashed out of his chest and landed on the floor in front of him, splattering their shoes and staining the air around them. The last of his resolve bled out with it, and he shivered as cold tears ran their way down his cheeks and fell onto the top of Hyunjin’s head. They glistened up at him, teasing him for being so stoic one moment and so vulnerable the next. They laughed at him as they rolled down the black locks, falling to make big, wet spots on his shirt sleeve.

“Okay. Then let’s do it.” He sniffled, not afraid anymore to let Hyunjin see him affected like this. He had a big heart, sue him.

Hyunjin squeezed lightly. “Can … can I ask Felix to help us, too?”

Chan smiled, the mere mention of the other man igniting a certain warmth in him, the kind that only came from sunlight or rainbows or baby showers.

“Of course, baby … we can ask them all, if you want.”

“Okay …” Hyunjin sighed. He snuggled closer to Chan, yawning. “Can we go to bed, now?”

Chan picked his boyfriend up bridal style, tucking the man’s head into his chest, and wandered around the kitchen, flicking off light switches with his elbows before wandering down the hall and up the stairs to their bedroom.

Nari had started hiccupping and crying, and Hyunjin woke up immediately, half-asleep stumbling to her crib and picking her up, soothing her with back pats and humming his lullaby. Chan watched, smiling, as Hyunjin swayed from side to side, his head tipped back and his eyes closed in sleep. Nari quieted and went back to sleep and the evening became soft again. When Hyunjin climbed back into bed, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, grabbing his reading glasses and book to read next to Chan.

“Also, how the fuck did I not know you could sing?” Chan whispered, looking over the top of his book at Hyunjin, who was mirroring him on the other side of the bed, Nari having fallen asleep about forty minutes earlier.

Hyunjin smiled softly and wrinkled his nose, putting down his book.

“Why is this such a big thing for you, hyung?” he asked sweetly, his eyes sparkling.

Chan blushed a little and turned back to his book. He sighed. “I don’t know, really … it’s just … strange. I never knew that about you. It’s nice.”

Hyunjin sighed as well and sat back, sinking into his pillows. He put on his big, owlish reading glasses and tucked his legs under the comforter.

“Well, we have only been together for … how many months?”

Chan blushed harder and smiled. “Don’t remind me.”

Hyunjin flopped over to lean his head on Chan’s shoulder, tilting his book so he could read too. The night grew soft, the air becoming tender. A brief thought passed through his mind, a split second, before it was gone, like a car passing in the other lane of the highway. He sighed, a worm of a feeling wiggling in his stomach and down into his legs, and he closed his eyes.

He loved Hyunjin. He was dating Hyunjin. He moved in with Hyunjin. He slept in Hyunjin’s bed every night. He woke up next to Hyunjin every morning. He came home to Hyunjin every night. He loved Hyunjn’s daughter more than he ever thought was possible, and he delighted in every new discovery of how much one person could love a tiny human. He loved his life.

But Hyunjin and him hadn’t slept together yet.

Not that that was all a relationship was. Nothing like that. And not that Chan needed sex in order to feel like they were really, truly, in a relationship, no. Nothing like that, either. It was just … Hyunjin never mentioned it. Chan was scared to bring it up, given how long it took his boyfriend to tell him the circumstances of Nari’s conception. Therefore … seven months went by.

Seven months of lovely, good-morning kisses. Seven months of formula bottles turning to juices turning to applesauce. Seven months of bathtimes together, tubby toys scattered around the small bathroom, baby bubble bath sticking to every surface. Seven months of sleeping, arms and legs intertwining. Seven months of jerking off silently, alone in the shower when everything got to be too much.

He finally got the nerve to ask about a week after they’d taken a hike outside the city and placed a small memorial stone on a hillside where Hyunjin could find it and sit. He could bring a few flowers or small items for her and have all the privacy he needed. Chan had been with him the first time they went, holding his hand tightly, and had been amazed at his boyfriend’s composure.

Hyunjin had immediately sat down in front of the stone and put his head in his hands, whispering and crying silently. Chan stood behind him a few paces, giving him space. Long, long minutes passed before Hyunjin stood up, wordlessly holding out his hand for Chan, who took it right away, coming to stand next to the younger. When Chan braved a look at his boyfriend’s face, he was surprised to see nothing but peace on his features, the only signs of his grief being his damp cheeks and clumpy eyelashes.

He'd squeezed Chan’s hand tightly and, after a minute of deep breaths, muttered softly,

“Nari, this is Channie-hyung … he’s been taking care of me and Little Nari … and, I …” he looked over at Chan briefly before looking back at the stone, “I think I really love him, and … and he loves me. I wanted you to know, honey … that, ahh …” he sighed, fresh tears leaking out and stealing his voice momentarily.

“I wanted you to know that I’ll be alright, okay? So please, don’t worry … you can rest, now. You can be happy … I do so hope you are happy … I love you.”

Chan had tears of grief and wonder falling down his face as Hyunjin led him down the mountainside, toward where Minho was waiting for them in the car. The trek down was silent, but the kind of silence that comes after a film, where you need time to collect your thoughts before leaving the theater and continuing to be a human, or the silence just after you open your eyes in the morning, not sure if you actually want to wake up or not.

They didn’t speak during the drive home. Minho drove them back into the city and when they got to the apartment complex, pulled both of them, one by one, into a warm and grounding hug, whispering encouragement and kind words before leaving.

Inside, Hyunjin had gone to his room and fallen asleep quickly, so Chan handled bathing and putting Nari to bed.

About a week later, Chan texted Felix. He’d thought long and hard about which of their friends to speak to about this, and he landed on Felix. The blond boy was close to Hyunjin in a way that none of the others were besides Minho, but Minho wouldn’t be able to give Chan unbiased advice. Felix would be confident and kind, look Chan dead in the eye, give him solid and truthful advice, and then tell a fart joke.

They met at a coffee shop close to school, and Chan wasted no time in getting to the point, shortly after their drinks arrived.

“Does Hyunjin have any sexual trauma, Lix-ah?”

Felix blinked widely, his mug frozen halfway to his mouth, which was hanging open. He cleared his throat and leaned in a little, “Sorry, what?”

Chan bowed his head, keeping his voice low enough to not reach outside their hearing range, “Does Hyunjin have any sexual trauma? From what happened last spring?”

Again, Felix merely blinked at Chan. Finally, he set his mug down and looked at the table between them, seemingly thinking hard. Chan’s brain went wild, spiraling silently as he watched Felix’s face, internally preparing for him to tell Chan he was asking too much, that he needed to back off-

“You guys haven’t fucked yet, haven’t you?” Felix’s eyes darted up suddenly, his mouth quirking up into the tiniest shadow of a smirk.

Chan puffed out a laugh, looking around self-consciously. “Brother, you cannot just ask stuff like that …” He lifted his mug to his lips to blow off the steam, hiding his growing blush.

“Ha. Like shit I can’t. Answer me.” The smirk was a grin now.

Chan sighed. “Fine. No, we haven’t, and I’m scared to ask because I’m going to say the wrong thing, and I was worried there was something I’d missed.” He folded his hands and looked over at Felix, hearing a little desperation lace his voice, “I don’t care if he never wants to do it, I don’t … but I couldn’t handle it if I was doing something to freak him out. So here, I’m asking you. Please, am I hurting him? Or is he just …” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely.

Felix shook his head, an understanding expression replacing the shit-eating grin.

“No, he’s alright. You’re alright. I promise. If there was something like that going on, he’d tell me. Or I’d figure it out. You’re alright, hyung.” He nodded reassuringly and Chan breathed a small sigh of relief.

“However, and don’t kick me for this, this isn’t going to be what you want to hear …” the blond man held his hands up in defense and Chan deflated a tad in disappointment. Here we go.

“ … I do think this is something you should bring up with him. While I am all for you two consummating your relationship,” he barely managed to say without grinning once more, “I think Hyunjin would appreciate being asked. You know? Like, even if he’s over it and it’s no big deal now, he would probably feel better about it if you trusted him enough to ask. I don’t mind telling you,” he nodded, his eyebrows raising a little, “but, it’s … you know, it’s different.”

Deciphering Felix’s words took some time, and the admission that there was a ‘thing’ to be told only fed the anxious fire that was Chan’s insides. He blinked and nodded slowly. “Felix, you’re killing me, here …” he eventually sighed, leaning back in his chair to think.

“No, you’re right, that was a shitty way to explain it, here, let me try again.” Felix set his mug aside and leaned over the table, using his hands to emphasize his soft words.

“Hyunjin is fine. I honestly don’t know why you haven’t slept together yet, he talks about how hot you are literally all the fucking time.” Chan’s stomach spun a somersault at that, and Felix continued.

“But, when you talk about sexual trauma, let’s say … then yes. He probably does want to talk about a few things first. But, I know Hyunjin, and he’s not the kind of person to admit when he doesn’t feel safe. Nor would he want anything to do with telling you what would make him feel safe. So … in so many words, if you ask him, then that might be the final piece of the puzzle. The big, fat, juicy, sex puzzle.” Felix finished with a toothy grin, eyes sparkling kindly

Chan smiled back, his mind still buzzing with Felix’s words. “Sure, sure … I get it. Thank you, Lix-ah … I appreciate you.”

They’d left the shop talking about music, but the conversation remained bubbling on a back burner in Chan’s brain, figuring and solving and proving and calculating.

When he’d gotten home from work the following day, Hyunjin was home early, sitting at the table, spreadsheets and photographs spread out in front of him. He was wearing his at-home clothes, a pair of plaid sweatpants and a too-big graphic tee, fuzzy socks, and his hair in a high ponytail, whisps falling out on all sides and framing his face. He looked up when Chan walked through the door and smiled gently.

“Hi, baby …”

Chan toed off his shoes and padded into the kitchen. He smiled, “Hi, Hyunnie … Jeongin has Nari this afternoon?”

Flipping through a folder, Hyunjin nodded. “I offered to take her since I got out early, but he said he was excited to take her on a walk, so, hey. I let him.”

Chan opened the fridge and took out the orange juice. “Nice,” he said softly, internally cheering that they had a little privacy for a bit, at least. After taking a sip, he took a deep breath, knowing that in order for this to work and for him not to chicken out, he simply had to jump in headfirst, and worry about the rest later. Easier said than done, though.

“Honey, do you have a second? Can I talk to you about something real quick?” He set the orange juice back in the fridge and lingered a moment, not wanting to see Hyunjin’s face when he replied.

He heard his boyfriend turn a page. “Sure, yeah. What’s up?” Chan heard the well-masked anxiety behind the words, and he quickly formulated a plan.

“Is it … something we could possibly talk about in the bedroom? Or maybe the living room?” He tried to keep his voice low and calm, not wanting to make any mistakes.

He closed the fridge and looked at Hyunjin, who was staring blankly at the photos in front of him, his eyes unfocused a little. He twisted his hands in his lap briefly before looking up, flashing a tight, worried smile at Chan.

“Sure, hyung. Whatever you’d like.”

Chan wordlessly held out his hand and Hyunjin slowly stood up, reaching for it tentatively, a worried look crossing his face briefly.

Once they were settled on the couch, hand in hand, Chan leaned forward and cleared his throat, looking determinedly into Hyunjin’s eyes.

“I love you …” he started, and Hyunjin nodded. “And you love me …” another big nod. “And I kiss you … and you kiss me … a lot, now, actually …” he raised his eyebrows, hoping with all his might that Hyunjin might get the direction he was going in.

He did.

The other man looked up suddenly, a flash of recognition in his eyes as he triumphantly declared,

“Oh, you want to have sex!”

The soft words hit Chan like a truck, and he schooled his expression before he burst out with either laughter or screams of frustration.

He settled for a tiny chuckle and closed his eyes, “Something like that, yes …” Praying he didn’t have to elaborate to his boyfriend, Chan let the silence stretch between them for a few seconds before cracking his eyes open a tiny bit.

Hyunjin was sitting, one of his legs curled underneath him and the hand not holding Chan’s was lifted to his mouth, so he could nervously gnaw on his fingernail. Without thinking, Chan reached up with his other hand to stop him, and soon, they were pulled closer, hands intertwined in their laps, and their eyes locked.

He started softly, as usual, but Hyunjin’s voice was all Chan ever needed some days. This was one of those days.

“Um … okay. We can have sex, hyung, I just … um,” he looked away, but before Chan could say anything to encourage him, he muttered, his voice going scratchy in embarrassment,

“That one time … didn’t go so well, obviously … and I’ve never done anything with men before, so … um, I’m a little scared, and I think I might need to talk to my therapist before we do, just in case, uh … something pops up and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know …” he looked back at Chan, a soft and scared look on his face.

“It might … not be good. For me. It might be bad. But …” he looked down for a moment before meeting Chan’s gaze with hard, determined eyes, and whispered, squeezing their joined hands,

“It will be so worth it to try. With you. For you, Channie …” the heady whisper of his voice made Chan wonder why he’d waited this long to ask about it, and he nodded quickly.

“Of course. And if you don’t want to, that’s totally okay … I just, well …” he looked down, searching for the right words, “I was starting to get worried that it was maybe something I was doing, like, I was making you upset or something …”

Looking up when he felt Hyunjin squeeze his hands, his chest tightened at the look on his boyfriend’s face. They sat in silence for a few seconds, just breathing.

“I was scared you wouldn’t want me, after what happened …” Hyunjin whispered, like he was unearthing some terrible thing, and Chan blinked in surprise.

The vulnerability in the air settled in their hands and he couldn’t help but giggle, his eyes burning a little.

“Gosh, well, look at us worry-warts …”

That pulled a snicker from Hyunjin.

Chan took a deep breath, easing into his place, leading the conversation.

“Okay. I do want you,” his heart swelled at the beaming smile that lit up Hyunjin’s eyes, “but I desperately want you to want it, too. So, if you wanted to wait, or if you never want to do it … that’s fine. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” He leaned forward to catch his boyfriend’s eye.

Hyunjin glanced up with wide, heavy eyes, and slowly scooched forward so he was kneeling over Chan’s lap, their hands clasped together between their chests. Feeling like a dead frog under a microscope, Chan blinked up at him, holding his breath.

The younger kissed Chan’s nose and smiled, whispering,

“I love you, hyung. So much.”

Relief flooding his brain, Chan smiled back. “I love you too, Hyunjinnie …”

Hyunjin leaned down to press their foreheads together and Chan’s stomach flipped backwards at the next words spoken,

“I want to have sex with you. I’m scared, but … I feel safe with you. Let’s do it. I’ll call my therapist in the morning.”

Chan closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. “Okay, baby.”

5:42 pm

Chan-hyung

Can you or Jisung take Nari tomorrow night? Doesn’t have to be overnight, just a few hours would be nice …

5:45 pm

Felix

THE FORNICATING

IT’S HAPPENING

5:45 pm

Channie-hyung

Oh, my god

I hate you

Please? A few hours?

5:46 pm

Felix

Hell, y’all need more than that, hyung.

Jisung and I can do overnight. You’re all set.

5:46 pm

Channie-hyung

Thank you so much, I appreciate you …

5:48 pm

Felix

… the fornication …

Chan had a plan. He did. He had mapped out the whole day, he knew exactly what to do to make Hyunjin feel loved, safe, and heard all day long leading up to their evening plans, and he was excited. He was in control, and he had a plan.

And then, well, Hyunjin apparently also had a plan.

Chan woke up to a pleasant weight on his chest and stomach, and he blearily opened his eyes, blinking up at the ceiling and taking a moment to identify the familiar shape of the weight and the mop of black hair under his chin. He smiled and groaned happily, waking up slowly.

“What are you doing …” he whined, his voice cracking from sleep.

Hyunjin tipped his head up to flash a beautiful, childlike smile up at him. The younger man squeezed his arms tighter around Chan, who felt a wave of peace and contentment wash over him, easing any worries in his heart and kinks in his neck. He smiled unconsciously and snuggled deeper into Hyunjin’s embrace, almost forgetting how important today was for them.

“I know you … do better when you wake up this way. With a human weighted blanket. So …” Hyunjin trailed off, his voice soft and shy, and Chan’s eyes opened, startled slightly.

What Hyunjin said was entirely true, but even Chan hadn’t noticed that about himself. Did he wake up better with weight on his entire upper body? Did he wake up better when Hyunjin draped himself over him in a hug, driving every discomfort far away?

He supposed he did.

Blushing, Chan kissed the top of Hyunjin’s head, smiling at the giggle that drew from the younger man.

“Good morning, baby …”

They laid like that for several minutes before Hyunjin sighed and slid off the bed, standing over Chan with his hands on his hips, smiling adoringly down at him. Chan sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m up … thank you …”

“I made breakfast, go shower and I’ll get you coffee …” Hyunjin turned to leave the bedroom, leaving Chan staring at his back, blinking. The sun caught on the pearl buttons running down the artist’s white shirt and made Chan briefly think of an angel.

Chan had planned to make breakfast. And to make coffee.

But Hyunjin beat him to it.

And it didn’t stop there. It seemed like every nice thing that Chan had prepared to do for the man, he managed to be one step ahead. Surprise kisses while getting ready for work, a love note tucked into his briefcase, and several sweet text messages throughout the day.

To say Chan was touched would be an understatement.

He almost cried when the latest text came through, about three minutes before he was ready to clock out and drive home, and he had to put his head in his hands for a brief moment to collect himself.

4:02 pm

Hyunjinnie

Drive safe, darling. I need you. I love you. See you soon.

Chan sniffed and stifled his excitement as he replied, fingers trembling a little.

4:03 pm

Channie

Always, baby.

Love you more.

He didn’t have a chance to do more than grab his coat and briefcase before his phone buzzed twice.

4:03 pm

Hyunjinnie

Love you most.

I win.

<3

On the way home, Chan stopped at a small convenience store and picked up some chocolate and a small bouquet of daisies. He smiled to himself as he pulled into the apartment parking lot just as Felix and Jisung were walking down the stairs, a bundled-up Nari and a few overnight bags in their arms.

Felix waved and whooped when he saw Chan getting out of his car with the flowers and dessert.

“The man of the hour!! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go …” he danced as he walked out to their car, swinging the baby in his arms and Jisung shaking his head and grinning.

Chan smacked Felix’s back good-naturedly as he passed and stuck his tongue out.

“Thanks, Lix-ah … love you guys. See you in the morning.”

Jisung was the one to pipe up, stuffing the bags in the back of their car and smirking.

“No, you absolutely will not … you will see us in the afternoon, my guy.”

Rolling his eyes and forgoing a retort, Chan unlocked the door and entered the apartment, knowing Nari was in good hands for the time being.

He silently shook off his sweater, placed his work bag on the floor by the door, and kicked off his shoes. When he looked up to see Hyunjin standing in the kitchen, waiting for him, he dramatically extended the chocolates and daisies, a goofy smile on his face, and Hyunjin laughed out loud.

Chan cackled and scurried into the kitchen, dropping the gifts on the table and scooping Hyunjin into his arms, hugging tight and relaxing, feeling Hyunjin seep into the embrace as well.

“Hi, baby …”

Hyunjin pulled out of the hug and smiled, “Hi … what did you get?”

Chan awkwardly reached for the items, and smiled sheepishly, “Um … the, uh, the internets said that this is what you normally give someone when you … uh, when you’re gonna …”

Hyunjin gigged and rolled his eyes. “Hyung, you did research?”

Chan froze, not knowing how to respond, and his cheeks warmed up considerably.

“It’s okay,” Hyunjin said softly, drawing Chan’s attention away from the flowers. The younger looked at Chan with a slightly heady expression and a twin blush, “I’m excited too, don’t worry …” he then turned on his heel and opened the fridge to start dinner.

They decided on a quick dinner of mostly snack foods, veggies, fruits and cheese, so the clean-up was easier on them. Chan sighed and took a shower first, followed by Hyunjin, the soft, sweet tension between them growing by the minute. Chan was sitting on the bed, laptop opened to distract himself when Hyunjin walked out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist and his hair still dripping. He ignored Chan as he rummaged through the dresser for pajamas, his arms and chest glistening slightly.

Chan was like a deer in headlights, staring open-mouthed and his eyes unblinking.

Hyunjin noticed after a moment and giggled, a low sound from the back of his throat, and threw his work shirt at him, teasing.

“We’ll fuck eventually, jeez … let me at least put the clothes on first before you take them off.”

Chan startled and blushed hard when the shirt hit him in the face, tugging him from his trance. His embarrassing, teenage, titty-trance.

Nothing to say in return, he looked down at his lap and bit his lip to stifle a smile. Shutting his laptop and tossing it on the carpet, he flopped down on the bed, using Hyunjin’s shirt to cover his face, and groaned.

Before he could gather his senses, Hyunjin called out from their bathroom, where he was twiddling a Q-Tip in his ear, his pajama shirt halfway on, joggers sitting low on his hips,

“So … who’s gonna do what?”

Chan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He sat up, running his hands through his hair and cleared his throat, pushing all his nervousness and anxiety away. He needed to do this. Hyunjin needed him to do this.

“Uh … well, did you have anything particular in mind? I’m okay with whatever you wanna do.”

Hyunjin sauntered out of the bathroom and plunked his towel and work clothes in the laundry hamper, an unreadable expression on his face. Chan watched him closely as he finished putting his shower things away and came to kneel on the bed next to him, his hand slowly going to hold onto the hem of Chan’s shirt, long fingers creeping and curling into a strong grip, and his eyes finally snapped up.

He whispered, his voice trembling, and suddenly Chan was abruptly aware of the burning half-hard erection in his shorts.

“You’ve done this before, right? So, can I, like …” Hyunjin bit his lip, “Can I let you lead? And if I start to freak out, I’ll let you know?”

This was a big thing for Hyunjin, obviously, letting go of control and clocking out. He would have to trust Chan with everything inside him, literally. Not that this was something he’d avoided, no. They had a good relationship, their dynamic worked, they trusted each other with everything … but, Chan had let him keep his privacy for so long. He let him keep his mask on. Until now.

Chan swallowed hard and nodded, sliding his legs up to kneel with Hyunjin. He took the man’s hands in his, trying to put together the right words in his head before they went flying out of his mouth.

“Sure … you just tell me if it’s too much, okay?” He reached up to cup the younger’s face, who nodded, his eyes sparkling despite his trembling demeanor.

“Yeah, I’ll just smack you really hard or something.”

Chan laughed, leaning in to kiss him. “Hey, some people are into that, so be careful …”

They kissed for a long time before Chan inhaled deeply and moved Hyunjin to lie down on the bed underneath him, his hands wandering under the pajama shirt and coming up to graze gently over his nipples, pulling a small gasp from the man.

Chan had known every river, every line, and every scar on Hyunjin’s body for several months now. He knew how to make the man flustered, how to make him smile, blush, giggle … all the ticklish spots, every curly hair, and every faded remainder of teenage acne. This, though … this intentional touching, this was something he’d never done, out of respect … and it was addicting in the worst way. Chan felt his veins catch on fire at every tremble, every gasp, every hitch in Hyunjin’s breath. His eyes dilated at every sound he drew from Hyunjin with just his fingers running over his skin, nails barely brushing the surface.

Kissing Hyunjin into the mattress, Chan let his hands travel up and down his torso, gripping gently at his hips, teasing at his nipples, pulling at his stomach muscles. He felt Hyunjin’s thighs underneath his and how they slowly began to shake, the arousal from touching alone affecting him. The younger’s hands gripped Chan’s shirt and pulled him further down, Chan’s knees spread around his hips, and their crotches finally pressed into each other.

Chan bit back a loud groan at the feeling of Hyunjin’s cock hardening underneath him, and he kissed the man harder, before pulling back and taking a deep breath, watching Hyunjin’s eyes flutter open, his mouth red and swollen slightly.

“You ready?”

Suddenly, Chan noticed the tiniest flicker in Hyunjin’s eyes, and his heart did a quick hop up and down at the sight. Hyunjin was removing his mask for Chan, and the man’s muscles relaxed slowly, melting into the older man’s arms, his eyes widening in arousal. He nodded and licked his lips.

“Yes, baby … please …”

Chan nodded and tried not to cry, not to acknowledge the feeling of tears rolling in his belly, and he kissed Hyunjin quickly, whispering against the smooth, addicting skin of his lips,

“Let me take care of you, trust me …”

Hyunjin slipped further out of his persona and whimpered behind the kiss, his fingers shaking on Chan’s shoulders. He hiked his legs up so his feet were flat on the mattress next to Chan’s hips, and squeezed, trying unconsciously to get some kind of friction on his cock, chasing some kind of release.

Chan slowly leaned up and reached over to the nightstand, flicking off the lamp, and letting the golden light from the night-lights on the walls illuminate the room in a gentle, soft, dim light … making it quieter. He then took his shirt off and tossed it to the side, sliding down so he was no longer sitting on Hyunjin’s hips. He then took Hyunjin’s hands and placed them on the bed above his head, reaching for the hem of his shirt to take it off as well.

The sight of Hyunjin’s naked chest earlier was nothing compared to how it felt under Chan’s hands now.

Chan’s fingers stretched Hyunjin, who had his face in his hands and was biting his lower lips so hard, that drool was running down his chin, and the air was heavy between them, filled with deep breaths or choking ones. Chan rested his head on the side of Hyunjin’s naked thigh and restrained himself from reaching into his shorts and coming right there on the spot, simply listening to Hyunjin’s breaths and feeling him breathe from inside.

A row of sweat beads lining up on his forehead, Chan was finally satisfied with how loose and ready Hyunjin was, and gently removed his fingers, holding his breath at the low whine that escaped his boyfriend at the feeling. He kissed Hyunjin’s kneecap and got up off his knees, muttering soothingly,

“I know, baby, I know … hold on …”

He was surprised when Hyunjin spoke from behind his arm, his elbow flopped in front of his eyes and his mouth hung open in exertion,

“No condom.”

Chan froze, his brain short-circuiting. “Huh?”

Hyunjin removed his arm and stared up at Chan, tears of stimulation brimming his dark eyes and he restated,

“No condom, please … I … I want to feel you. It’s safe to … right?” A flash of worry crossed his face, and Chan was quick to nod, still shocked at the request.

“Yeah, yeah … o-okay, baby …” he towered over Hyunjin and blinked for a moment before slipping his hands in the waistband of his shorts and pulling them down, watching Hyunjin watch him, his eyes laser-focused on the movement.

When Chan started to move, the momentum building between their bodies and Hyunjin’s legs wrapping around his waist reflexively, he looked up to find the other man’s face blank. His eyes were slightly unfocused, and his teeth dug into his lip painfully hard. His bangs flopped in his eyes and sweat fell from his temple.

Chan stopped moving and placed his hands on Hyunjin’s cheeks, forcing the man to look at him, and shook his head, murmuring in what he prayed was a soothing tone,

“You left … come back to me, baby … I’m right here …”

Eyes quickly coming back into focus at the sound of Chan’s voice, Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, wrapping his arms around Chan’s shoulders and sinking his face into the older man’s neck, taking a deep, slow breath. Chan could tell he was trying not to clench around him, but he quivered, and the muscles contracted as the panic left him, and Chan had to bite back a groan at the feeling.

“I’ve got you, honey … let me take you apart … I live to put you back together …”

Hyunjin let go, falling back against the mattress and clutched his hair with his fingers, moaning lewdly when Chan pressed further into him, touching his prostate and making his see white.

Chan smiled to himself, sweat dripping down his back and his arms, and he pushed further, sharply, creating a bruising rhythm, and Hyunjin … wasn’t quiet.

The man could sing, so naturally, his voice was well-trained. However, something about having something inside, Chan knew, drew different sounds out of someone. Sounds no one heard besides who was inside. Special sounds. Private sounds. Hyunjin sang only for Chan, now … specially for Chan.

The older man closed his eyes, sinking into the sounds, and feeling his throat open to add his own, the two of their voices coming together to counter and bounce against the other in a dance, a motif … a movement all of its own.

When Chan heard the sounds from Hyunjin becoming breathless and hoarse, he knew he was close, so he smiled, eyes glued to the man’s face, and wrapped one hand around his length, sliding up once, twice, thrice, hand slicked with precome. He leaned up and whispered, his voice cascading over Hyunjin’s body,

“I’ve got you … you’re safe … come for me, Hyunjin …”

Hyunjin came into Chan’s hand with a soft, beautiful cry, his back arching off the bed and his legs shaking around the man’s waist.

Chan’s orgasm was uncontrollable at that point, and he sank his face into Hyunjin’s chest, mouthing the man’s collar bone as he spilled his spend deep inside Hyunjin’s body.

He didn’t have any time to think before he felt his boyfriend’s fingers frantically grasping at his arms, his breath stuttering and coming out in short, dangerous gasps, and he shot up, ready to carry him away to the shower to clean up, calm down, and help him come down from his high.

Hyunjin wasn’t high, though. All it took was for Chan to look in his eyes for a split second to see that he wasn’t anything close to high.

Hyunjin was low.

Unfortunately, Chan knew what to do. He pushed aside his own slight discomfort and sat Hyunjin up, pulling him to his chest, forcing his heartbeat to calm, and began rubbing the man’s back, soothingly. He spoke, letting his voice drown out Hyunjin’s panic.

“I’ve got you, I won’t let you go … I’ve got you, you’re okay … you did so good, baby … so good for me, I loved it so much, I promise you’re okay … I’ve got you, Hyunjinnie … You’re with me, I won’t let you go …”

Hyunjin became quiet, his fingers releasing their vice grip on Chan’s arms, and they sat there, still connected, in the dark of their bedroom, Chan rocking them back and forth gently. The younger’s breathing regulated, and he was finally able to take a full breath before chuckling at himself, reaching up with a shaking hand to wipe his eyes,

“Wh-what the fuck, man …” he smiled through his tears and looked up at Chan, letting him know he was fine now.

Slowly, Chan laid Hyunjin back down, smiling, and pulled out, the obscene sound making Hyunjin giggle like a high schooler. Without waiting, Chan picked the man up in his arms and carried him to the bathroom, where he grabbed a wet washcloth and went back to the bed, wiping the sweat and come off both of their bodies before settling under the blankets.

 “I’m glad we did that …” Hyunjin spoke into the dark peace of their bedroom, sleep fuzzing the edges of their vision. His voice, clearer than it had been all day, floated through the air and landed in Chan’s ears, soft like chocolate.

Chan nodded, his head pleasantly empty, and snuggled into his boyfriend’s arms, inhaling the addicting smell of his body wash and cologne. They were lying in each other’s arms, his head resting on Hyunjin’s chest, their legs tucked in between the other’s. The fierce heat from earlier had left their bodies, and they welcomed the heavy warmth that came with their sheets and blankets, snuggling under them together, embracing the quiet intimacy.

“I’m also glad we waited,” Hyunjin tilted his face to look at Chan. “Are you?”

After a moment of thinking, “You know, I think I am, too …”

Hyunjin yawned and curled closer to Chan, folding into him and tucking the older man’s head into his chest, running his fingers through the unruly curls. Muscles turning to jelly and sleep encroaching rapidly, Chan took a deep breath, and Hyunjin whispered,

“I love you, Channie …”

Chan smiled and kissed Hyunjin’s arm. “I know, baby … I love you, too.”

About a week later, and several more intimate, long nights into their relationship, Hyunjin had come home nursing a headache, so Chan sent him to a hot bath and assured him he could handle bedtime for Nari while Hyunjin took time for himself that night.

After getting out of the bath, doing his self-care routine, and taking extra-strength pain medicine, Hyunjin wandered out of the bathroom in his pajamas, ready for a movie and some snuggles from his boyfriend. He took several deep breaths as he set the kettle up for tea and rummaged through his cabinets for some dinner. As he was heating up some stir-fry, he stopped, frozen.

Quirking his head, he held his breath. He dropped what he was doing and slowly tiptoed to the base of the stairs, listening hard. He didn’t feel his legs carry him silently up the stairs and he didn’t realize how his hands were shaking as he stood just outside of their room where Chan was tucking Hyunjin’s daughter into her crib.

His heart bursting through his chest, Hyunjin covered his mouth as he listened.

Chan was singing to Nari, who was gazing up at him from her cocoon of blankets, sucking her tiny thumb and blinking her tired eyelashes. Chan smiled gently down at her, his hands cradling his face as he leaned on the railing of the wooden crib, and Hyunjin wanted to cry as he continued to sing, the soft baritone floating out into the hallway and into the kitchen, where Hyunjin’s abandoned dinner lay.

The song ended when Nari’s eyes closed, her breathing became deep, and her little thumb fell from her mouth in sleep. Hyunjin watched quietly as Chan sighed, smiling tenderly at her before slowly, gently standing up and walking to the door. The younger backed up, leaning up against the wall in the shadows, and Chan turned the lights down and closed the bedroom door slightly, leaving it the tiniest bit cocked.

Chan didn’t have a chance to see Hyunjin coming before he wrapped his arms around him from behind, burying his face in the older man’s shirt, hanging on for dear life. Chan startled briefly but then relaxed, sighing and placing his hands on top of Hyunjin’s.

“You okay?’ he whispered, and Hyunjin squeezed his eyes closed. He didn’t answer for a long time, simply sinking into the feeling of Chan’s body in his arms, grounding him and giving him a place to put the overflowing love filling his veins.

He cleared his throat and snarkily responded, “How the fuck did I not know you could sing?”

Chan snickered and shook his head. After detaching Hyunjin and taking his hand in his, they walked downstairs quietly, ready for a quiet and cozy night in. They made tea and popcorn, put on an old show, and snuggled on the couch for a few hours before Hyunjin elegantly took Chan’s hand and led him to their bedroom for sweet, quiet, sleepy kisses.

Minho answered the door in his pajamas, rubbing sleep from his eyes and contemplating punching whoever the fuck decided knocking on his door at 6 in the fucking morning was a great idea.

He blinked at Hyunjin, who stood on his front step, hair windswept and his eyes wide and damp.

Minho sighed, exasperated, shoving his hands into his pockets and closing his eyes.

“Hyunjinnie-ah … this feels vaguely familiar.”

The younger man walked past Minho into the apartment, wordlessly, and Minho shrugged, closing the door after him. “Yeah, come right in, no problem.”

“Shut up, hyung, I have little brother blackmail material for years.”

Surprised at the clipped tone Hyunjin adopted, Minho leaned up against the door, studying the man. Hyunjin paced around the living room, twisting his hands in front of him, his eyebrows knit in deep thought. Minho waited for a long minute before asking, his voice gentle,

“What happened?”

“Nothing,” Hyunjin looked up and shook his head. “Nothing happened. I just … I need advice.”

“Nothing like first thing in the fucking morning for advice. Tea?” Sarcasm dripping from his voice, Minho shuffled to the kitchen, Hyunjin following like a puppy.

Two mugs of tea later, Hyunjin looked up at Minho with utter despair and whispered,

“I think I want to marry him, hyung.”

Before he could stop it, a grin painted Minho’s face, and he giggled. He took a long drink from his mug and leaned back in his chair, murmuring uncommittedly,

“Yay.”

“This is a big deal for me, and you know it. What the fuck do I do?” Hyunjin blinked quickly, forcing tears back into his body, and fiddled with the ends of his sweater sleeves frantically.

Entirely too tired for this conversation, Minho deadpanned, “Do you think he also wants to? Get married?”

“… yes, that’s the problem.”

Sighing, the older leaned across the table, blinking in thought. Talking his brother through emotional self-knowledge wasn’t necessarily on his to-do list for that morning, but it was whatever. He shrugged to himself and decided to go with the flow.

“Okay. Well, so, normally … you would ask him. To marry you. You would propose.”

Hyunjin sank his head into his arms on the table dramatically and groaned loudly, drawing an adoring smile from his hyung, who leaned back satisfactorily.

“I can’t, hyung … what if he thinks it’s too early? What if-“

“Oh, shut UP, honey … I’m serious. Stop thinking, it’s all okay … just breathe. I’m right here.” Minho placed a hand on the top of Hyunjin’s head and felt him bravely inhale and exhale deeply. Proud of him, Minho rubbed a soothing pattern into the man’s sweater, taking a deep breath and making a plan for the sunny Saturday morning.

“Here. Let’s do this. You come with me, we’ll get breakfast, and we’ll talk, you can get everything out. Okay? And then, we’ll go buy a ring.”

Hyunjin’s head snapped up and his eyes sparkled. “You’ll go with me to get one?” His lip trembled slightly, but Minho smiled encouragingly despite the threat of emotions.

“Damn straight. Now, finish your tea and we’ll go.”

Five weeks ago

Chan stared at his phone for about ten minutes before dialing. Minho picked up after several anguishing rings.

“Hyung?”

Chan swallowed hard. “Can you come with me to the store?”

A long pause. “Sure? What for? You need help counting your change or something?”

“No, I …” he took several deep, stuttering breaths, before muttering, “I need, uh, help picking out a ring for your brother.”

Another long pause. “Is this some sick way of asking my permission to marry my brother?”

Chan froze, ice shooting through his chest, his eyes blowing wide in shock. “Oh, my God, Min, I’m so sorry … I should have. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking … um …” he sank his head into his hands and stifled a sob of frustration.

“Relax, hyung, I was teasing. Sure, let’s go. I’ll be ready in like ten minutes.”

“Are … are you serious? You’ll go with me?” The older boy’s hand shook, and he slowly stood up, reaching for his keys, his vision blurring a little.

“If I heard you’d gone without me, I would have driven over there and cut off your dick.”

A laugh punching out of him, Chan pulled on his shoes, wiping a small tear away. “This is really important to you, so if you think I’m going too fast, then … you have to tell me.”

He heard the sound of Minho rustling around his apartment, getting ready to go, and sighing softly. “Nothing about Hyunjin is normal, but there’s nothing wrong with that … he’s ready, you’re ready. Fuck, you live together already, and honestly, hyung …” There was a pause and Minho seemed to be considering his next words.

“I think you saved his life last year, I do … he was so lost when he let all of us back in, and then you got there, and he just … came back alive. I think I was okay with you two getting married the first time I saw you two together.”

Tears freely flowing, and an uncontrollable smile pulling at his mouth, Chan pulled out of his apartment parking lot, not trusting his voice, and whispering,

“Thank you, Min …”

Minho stared at the jewelry case, making nervous eye contact with the ring section. He eyed the empty slot on the cushion where the ring Chan had bought had been nestled weeks ago and bit his lip quietly. Hyunjin was on the other end of the long case, seriously browsing, so Minho slowly pulled out his phone.

8:03 am

Minho

Hyung, did you ask him, yet?

He waited for an answer and walked closer to the case, pretending to be a normal shopper, not a conniving brother. He looked at the sea of rings winking up at him and considered just letting Hyunjin do whatever he wanted, to hell with it. Rings were just hunks of metal, who cared?

But it would be fun …

“Hyunjinnie, look at this one …” he softly called over, his stomach lurching in rare excitement. When his brother walked over quietly, he pointed gently to a gold ring, the one that sat next to the empty slot of Chan’s ring.

It was subtle but gorgeous. It had golden leaves engraved on the outside, and small green stones laid onto the top, forming a diamond. Minho smiled to himself when he remembered how Chan’s ring had been a mirror image of this one, the leaves and the stones matching.

He glanced up quietly and his heart pulled at the hopeful sparkle in Hyunjin’s eyes, the man gazing down at the case and holding his breath, his hands folded in front of his chest like a child looking at a new train set.

After a few second, Hyunjin looked up, and all Minho saw was the little boy who had come to live with him when they were children, with big black eyes and unruly black hair and who was always getting in trouble at school for daydreaming and drawing snowflakes idly on the top of his desk.

“You like it, hyung? You think it’s okay?” came the little boy’s voice, and Minho blinked back tears, nodding.

“I do. I think it’s perfect.”

8:12 am

Chan-Hyung

No, I haven’t yet

Why?

8:15 am

Minho

Just being nosey

Felix bounced Nari on his shoulder, wincing as her little fists closed in on his long blond hair. Baby Einstein sensory videos blared on the TV in the living room, ignored, and he was pretty sure the tub in the bathroom was leaking from the faucet. He tucked the phone between his neck and his shoulder so he could untangle her fingers with both hands and asked,

“Wait, what? I’m confused. They … both are gonna propose?”

“Yeah, it’s a long story, but it’s fine. I convinced them both to choose the same day, though, so I need your help. You free on Friday?”

Felix closed his eyes in relief when Nari’s fingers came unclenched and the pain in his skull ceased. He sighed and set her on the floor next to her blocks and grabbed the phone, switching ears. Minho sighed and chuckled on the other line at the chaos that surrounded Felix.

“Yeah, I can help. I don’t have anything going on. What’s the plan, they’re just going to surprise each other?” He couldn’t help but grin at the idea.

“I don’t know, that’s their problem, but Channie-hyung did ask me to set things up, and I’m gonna need you and Jisung to help, I picked out the spot, but I need …”

It started to rain, which actually helped to cool off the heat that coursed through Chan’s body as he sat, his coat and pants slowly starting to get damp. He blinked, sniffling, and stared ahead of him at Nari’s stone, contemplating the words he wanted to say to her. A few long moments passed, which he sank into, welcoming the peace and calm that washed over him as the raindrops got bigger and heavier. The rain muffled his words, providing a wet but appreciated privacy curtain.

“Um, hi … hi, Nari-ah … it’s Channie …” He winced at his awkwardness, and closed his eyes, his tears mingling with the rain on his face and neck and bowed his head.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m gonna ask him tonight. And … that I love him. More than anyone I’ve ever met, and I know he’s gonna say yes, but I still wanted to come see you. You are so special to him, and Little Nari is so special to both of us, you brought such a beautiful little lady into this world … and you should know that I will do everything I can to take care of them both and … protect them with everything inside of me.” He gasped as he finished, his fingers growing numb with the sheer amount of feeling pulsing in his veins.

The rain covered the stone with a grey blanket, and he cracked his eyes open, swallowing hard. He stood up slowly, bowed, and whispered a gentle farewell before walking down the trail to his car, socks squelching wetly in his shoes, but he didn’t care. Excitement buzzed in his ears as he breathed a deep inhale of peace … calm flowing over him, refreshing his heart, and he smiled gently.

Chan drove them to the restaurant they had eaten at for their first date, a small place his friend owned, overlooking a pleasant corner of the street, with plenty of soft lighting and quiet music playing.

He treated it as if it was a regular date, pulling out his phone to silence it and asking Hyunjin about his latest work project. He knew Hyunjin sensed something was up, the way his shoulders sat tightly, and his hands shook slightly in his lap while he talked. He was wearing black jeans and a nice, red dress shirt, rolled up to his elbows. His hair was put up hastily, messily falling in front of his eyes in a way that made Chan need to physically restrain himself from peppering his boyfriend’s face with millions of kisses. Hyunjin’s eyes flitted everywhere but Chan’s face, a common sign he was anxious, and Chan tried to ease him by reaching over the tiny table to take both his hands and squeeze.

Five tables away, Felix and Jisung sat, decidedly not part of the evening’s plan. Felix quietly set up his phone camera, zooming in on his friends, and Jisung sat ready to bolt to the back of the restaurant, telling the staff they needed dessert and champagne the second the rings were out. Chanbin and Jeongin were also on speed dial should anything happen to stray from the plan.

Chan took a deep breath, deciding to forego his speech. Hyunjin already knew everything there was to know, anyway. So, quietly, he shrugged off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, noticing the curious look Hyunjin was shooting him. He couldn’t help the giddy, childlike smile that covered his face as he got up out of his seat.

The ring box burning in his pocket, he rounded the table and went to kneel down … but was startled when Hyunjin shot up out of his seat, hands going to clutch his hair and a wild, emotional look lighting his eyes up. Chan froze when Hyunjin wordlessly stared at him, before deciding to continue. He knelt on one knee and watched Hyunjin go through every emotion in the spectrum, his eyes watering and his mouth hanging open slightly.

As Chan reached to pull the box out of his pants pocket, his breath got caught in his chest when he saw Hyunjin slowly reach for his own pocket … pulling out a twin box. The tears flowed freely down the younger’s face, along with a brilliant smile, and Chan felt his soul return to his body, coming alive again.

Before he could move, Hyunjin was kneeling in front of him, shyly looking at him, and he did everything he could not to forget the fucking ring and just kiss his boyfriend silly right there on the floor.

Choking back tears, Chan shakily brought the box up in between their chest, Hyunjin doing the same with his. Smiles adorning their faces, they nodded and opened the boxes at the same time, holding them out and giggling softly.

Hyunjin gasped softly when he saw the ring that Chan bought for him, and when Chan managed to tear his eyes away from the younger’s face to look at the other ring, he gasped as well.

They matched.

They were perfect.

His hands shook as he blinked, suddenly not knowing what to do now. Hyunjin saved him, slowly reaching for the box in Chan’s hands and taking it, replacing it with his. Chan’s fingers closed in on the twin box, and he watched Hyunjin slowly put the ring on, gesturing for Chan to do the same, sniffling and smiling beautifully.

Chan put the ring on, it fit a little loosely, but he didn’t care. They stared at their hands for several seconds before he heard Hyunjin murmur, a soft, light sound,

“Well, I guess this means … yes?”

Chan giggled, bowing his head and wiping his eyes. In leu of a response, he surged forward and pulled Hyunjin into his arms, terribly needing him tucked against his chest as soon as possible. Hyunjin fell into him, clutching his shirt in his fingers, and they breathed together for a long time before Chan’s knees protested.

Five tables away, Felix sobbed behind the camera, big, happy tears staining his shirt, and Jisung leapt up to grab the restaurant staff for celebration. Minho and Seungmin pulled into the parking lot, swiftly followed by Jeongin, little Nari and Changbin, and before long, the entire restaurant was filled with ruckus laughter, happy tears, and drunken singing of love songs. Chan and Hyunin danced in the middle of their friends, Changbin bought them all a tray of vanilla and chocolate cupcakes, which Seungmin and Jeongin immediately suggested throwing at each other, much to Minho’s distress.

Jeongin carried Nari over to her father, who scooped her up and started dancing with her, her eyes staring widely at the celebration going on around her. Hyunjin tucked her safely against his shoulder and swayed to the music, a soft smile lighting up his still-red eyes and the evening became gentle under him. After a few minutes, Chan came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head between his shoulder blades, swaying with them. Warmth spread through them both and Nari snuggled closer.