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“Wait so blot treatment is free?” Yuu looks over at the group of people sitting on her couch.
“Yeah. Like… even if they went through normal Overblot stuff STYX wouldn’t charge ‘em.” Idia munched on a gummy.
“I thought I told you that after my incident?” Riddle sipped tea.
“Well yeah… i just didn't realize it was that good.”
“That is pretty basic care, Prefect.” Jade laughed. “Even we have that down in the sea. Our parents paid extra for extra bite coverage.”
“You have health insurance in the ocean?” Yuu was impressed. “Do beast folk have specialized free healthcare too?”
“Duh.” Leona flicked his tail from his spot lounging against the wall.
“My granny gets hers for free.” Ruggie added.
“And we have specialized ear and dental.” Jack tacked on from the floor.
“Fae do as well. I have my care paid for by the crown, and Silver is included with my care.” Lilia sipped his tea and Malleus nodded along while Silver continued sleeping against the wall.
“I am worried about your health if you’re astounded by this.” Vill added.
“You do get dental care right?” Trey looked genuinely concerned. “Where you’re from.”
“Yeah I get two free dental cleanings and a vision appointment a year! I have to pay for any vision equipment that I would need… and then I have the copays. Usually that's like the equivalent of… 20 to 60 Madol a visit? And then I have to pay for medications. So those are dependent on pharmacy and stuff. Without insurance the name brands can drain you pretty fast. If you get generic you can save a couple hundred Madol. And then insurance covers most of the remainder. Most of the time. Unless they don't, but… hey, I paid 200 Madol a month for it and that's pretty good!
The room is silent.
“I may have done some shady things, but that's just High Current Robbery.” Azul finally speaks up.
“The pandemic didn't help the prices.” Yuu admitted.
“The… what?” Rook is looking appalled.
“A pandemic is an epidemic of an infectious disease that has a sudden increase in cases and spreads across a large region-”
“We know what a pandemic is, but thanks Ortho.” Cater gives the robot a pat on the head.
Ace looks up from the card game the first year’s are playing on the floor. “Yeah, Yuu. Tell them about the pandemic.”
“Right… you guys didn't have Covid.
“Sounds like a stupid color.” Floyd looks to have never paid more attention to a person in his life.
“It's a worldwide deadly virus that was mainly transferred through the air and had a bunch of variants so it took years to stop.”
“You’re pulling our leg, Prefect.” Rook laughed.
“We had to stay inside for like… a year. When we went out we had to wear face masks and stand 6-feet apart. There were specialized hours for the immunocompromised and elderly to shop. There were like… seven-million deaths. And a global recession. And food shortages. And panic buying… less pollution and school shootings though so that's a plus. Though that may be because you couldn't actually go to school. Nice not to have to deal with those… I’ll take an Overblot every now and then over a school shooting.”
The room is silent. Yuu looks at Ace, Deuce, Epel, Sebek, and Jack who are just shaking their heads and continuing playing old maid. “Can I join the next round?”
“Sure, Yuu!” Jack nods.
“I would like to point out Yuu, that in Twisted Wonderland things are shot in a studio and not on location most of the time. So not all school shootings take place in schools and you shouldn't have to worry about that here.” Vil smiles.
“I do not think she means that kind of shoot, Roi du Poison.” Rook whispers, horrified.
“Wait, what?” Jamil is shocked. “People came into your school with a bow and arrow?”
“Oh.. no its when someone brings a gun to school to like… kill people. Bow and arrows are for show and tell in a lot of the country.”
“And… that happens often enough that you have a term for it?” Kalim looks like he's about to cry.
“Oh yeah. We even have drills for it.” Yuu nods. “I remember during one drill I was using the bathroom so I had to sit on top of the toilet. No one mentioned it was a drill so I was really happy at the time that I had a bulletproof backpack. My foot ended up in the toilet bowl… that was a super uncomfortable day at school..”
“Oh! Yuu!” Epel happily puts down a pair of 8s, “tell them about the ad!”
“Oh! Yeah so there was this one commercial on TV where it started out like a normal back-to-school supply commercial where the kids were talking about all the cool stuff pens and stuff they got, but then it turns into a school shooting awareness ad by the end and the kids were using their supplies to stop bleeding legs and tie doors in place and stuff. Gets me every time. Some schools are lucky enough to get proper protection measures installed in classrooms, like metal door stoppers and bullet-proof glass. I wish I had gone to one of those…”
“Are… are you okay ?” Vil looked horrified.
“Oh Vil, wait til I tell you about reality tv and like… Honey Boo Boo and My Strange Addiction .”
“Or MILF Manor .” Epel cackled.
“Honey what now?” Jamil looked like he was about to laugh.
“Or I could tell you about the human centipede.” Yuu looked Jamil dead in the eyes.
“Are you sure you want to go back, Child of Man?” Malleus spoke up.
“I’m pretty sure they don’t know I’m gone. That would be par for the course.”
“How does a parent not realize you’re gone?!” Lilia’s startled yell woke Silver.
“Well, one time my mom left me in a department store and drove home and forgot about me until closing time when they called her to pick me up and another time my dad just…. Didn’t pick me up from school when I was 5. I stayed in the afterschool program until 8pm”
“Oh Yuu,” Sebeck interjects, “tell Master Lilia about the Geneva Convention! Or the nuclear bombs!”
Silver yawns. “Sebek, how is this not shocking to you?”
“Yuu has told us all this before.” Sebeck throws down a set of 2s. “I think we learned about the department store incident when we were taught Uno?”
“Nah that’s when we found out I can’t tell the difference between blue an’ green.” Jack shook his head, taking a card from Ace and throwing down his 7s. “The store was when Yuu taught us how to make Ambrosia Salad. And Snickers Salad. And that Jello Mold… thing. And that’s the same time we learned about mass organized religion.”
The first years shivered at the thought of the pineapple, mandarin oranges, yogurt, mini marshmallows, coconut and whipped cream monstrosity they had to eat.
“Do you wanna know about the Geneva Convention? It pertains to wars in my world.” Yuu offered.
“I do!” Floyd threw his hand up.
“The Geneva Conventions extensively defined the basic rights of wartime prisoners, civilians and military personnel. It also established protections for the wounded and sick and for the civilians in and around a war-zone while also -”
“Wait. That was something that was… actually needed?” Lilia looked horrified.
“Yeah cause of World War Two.”
“TWO. THERE WERE TWO?” Lilia had to sit down.
“Did y’all not have a Chernobyl?”
“What’s that?” Idia seemed to be the only one not stunned to speak. All eyes of everyone who wasn’t a first-year were on Yuu with strict attention.
“It was the worst nuclear disaster in history. There was a meltdown at a power plant and probably 160,000 square kilometers of land became contaminated and birth defects became super commonplace in both people and animals and there was an uptick in pretty much every type of radiation based disease.” Yuu sat down between Jack and Ace.
“They… they stopped using that kinda power, right?” Idia whispered.
“Nah. Only like… 40? 45? People died directly because of the meltdown.” Yuu shrugged. “Which is less than the people who died at Jonestown. That was almost 1000!”
“And what was the cause of that?” Riddle was beyond confused.
“Mass suicide prompted by the Cult leader.”
“I’m sorry. What?” Cater dropped his phone.
“Do… do you not have religious cults here?” Yuu looked at the first years. “I don’t remember from when I went over all this with you guys.”
The group collectively shook their heads.
“Wow. You must have the most boring internet search histories.”
“I like your cult stories!” Epel admitted.
“I’m more partial to the serial killers.” Ace handed Deuce the deck to shuffle.
“I like the stories about cryptids!” Ortho said happily. “My favorite is either Bigfoot or Yeti!”
“I like those too.” Sebeck admitted. “Mothman in particular reminds me of Master Lilia.”
“I like hearing about the Titanic sinking.” Jack offered up.
“Oh that’s a good one. I personally like hearing about conspiracy theories.” Deuce admitted. “I like the ones about that one ruler who was assassinated.”
“Which one, Deucey?” Yuu picks up the cards.
“The one who was shot? With his wife in the car?” Deuce starts thinking. "GFK? LJK?
“Oh JFK. Yeah some of those are super interesting.” Yuu laughs. "Or stupid..."
None of them saw the horrified looks of the second and third years as they collectively wondered what hellscape Yuu crawled out of.