Chapter Text
Mingyu pulled into Seungkwan’s apartment building’s parking lot and stopped as he noticed someone leaving. “Is that Inwoo? Why is he at Seungkwan’s so early in the morning?”
Mingyu knocked on Seungkwan’s door but there was no answer. He tried calling him but there was nothing. “I’m coming in!” He unlocked the door with the code, Seungkwan’s birthday, and entered the dark apartment. “Seungkwan?” He looked around and went into his bedroom.
Seungkwan was sitting up against the headboard of his bed and quickly pulled up his sheet before Mingyu could see anything. “M..mingyu?” His voice was trembling.
“Seungkwan, you’re still sleeping? Wait. Why are you crying and why do you look scared?”
“I’m not.” He wiped his tears quickly, “Please leave, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okay…I’ll wait in the living room.” Mingyu left his room and waited patiently on the couch. Why was he hiding that he’s naked? Did he and Inwoo…make up? The thought made him sick. But why is he crying?
Seungkwan came out after a while in his normal jeans and a black sweatshirt that was so big it covered his hands and neck, it seemed to be his favorite lately. He still looked exhausted, Mingyu could tell he was definitely crying earlier. Seungkwan slowly walked to the kitchen and got some water.
“Are you okay?”
Seungkwan nodded lightly, a simple hum in reply. “Can I…skip the trip?”
“What?”
“I don’t want to go this time.”
“Because of Inwoo?”
Seungkwan looked up, a guilty expression covering his face.
“I saw Inwoo leaving when I got here. Did you two make up?”
Seungkwan stiffened and looked at Mingyu with wide eyes. “No…we just talked for a bit…please don’t mention it to anyone.”
“I won’t.” That was definitely a lie, but Seungkwan was acting too suspicious. This trip would be it, he would make Seungkwan tell him what’s wrong no matter what. “Let’s hurry up, we need to get Hansol and Chan on the way.”
“But-”
“I said no buts. You’re coming.” Mingyu noticed his packed back on a chair and grabbed it before trying to grab Seungkwan’s hand, but he wouldn't let him. “Come on.”
Seungkwan followed after mumbling an “okay”.
Chan was first, he sat in the passenger’s seat. There was a weird tension. Chan kept his eyes glued to Seungkwan who stared out the window and didn’t even greet him.
“What’s wrong?” Mingyu asked Chan.
“I’ll tell you later.” His voice was solemn, Mingyu almost felt like he was in trouble. But Chan put on a smile so his friend wouldn't worry.
Next was Hansol, he sat next to Seungkwan and seemed pretty excited for the trip.
“Morning!”
Mingyu and Chan greeted Hansol happily, but Seungkwan just stared at his phone. Hansol scooted to the middle of the backseat and wrapped an arm around Seungkwan’s shoulders.
Seungkwan flinched from the sudden contact, dropping his phone and scooched as far away as he could, which was only an inch.
“What’s wrong?” Hansol went back to his seat after seeing Seungkwan’s reaction.
“What’s wrong, Kwan-ah?”
Chan turned to Seungkwan, looking at him intently and studied him. He could tell he was scared, tired, and he could guess why. He clenched the journal that was in his bag tightly.
“I’m just a little tired.” Seungkwan pulled his hood over his head and closed his eyes, drifting into a sleep pretty quickly.
The ride was awkward. Chan kept glaring at Seungkwan, clutching his bag. Hansol kept staring at Seungkwan, occasionally moving the hair on his face and petting him, and Mingyu was driving but his mind was elsewhere, thinking about how he found Seungkwan this morning.
“I told Joshua hyung that we’re almost there.” Chan said while glancing at Seungkwan for the 1000th time.
“Why do you keep looking at Seungkwan sleeping?” Hansol asked with his eyebrow raised.
“I’m just worried about him, he seems very exhausted.”
“I’m sure he is. Inwoo and him probably fought this morning.”
“What? What do you mean?” Chan said as he looked back at Seungkwan, this time his look was flooded with concern.
“I saw Inwoo leaving his apartment in a rush when I went to get him.”
Chan gripped his bag so tight, his knuckles turned white.
Hansol scoffed, “He has the nerve to go there after dumping him like that?”
Chan would’ve caused a scene right then and there, but he knew he was too emotional to be rational. “How was Seungkwan when you got there?”
“What do you mean?” Mingyu asked.
“How was he? Like how did he act when he opened the door?”
“He didn’t open the door. I kept knocking, but he wouldn’t answer, so I let myself in.”
“What? Why wasn’t he answering?”
“Don’t yell, Chan. You’ll wake him up, he was probably in the bathroom.” Hansol whispered to him.
“No, he was in his room.” They got to a red light and Mingyu turned to look at Seungkwan and made sure he was actually asleep. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but…he was naked in bed…so I assumed they…you know…made up or he spent the night. But then I realized he was crying…and when I asked him, he said they were just talking, and he looked really off. I don’t know.”
If a look could kill, then Inwoo would be dead from Chan’s expression. “So, he was crying in bed, naked, after Inwoo left?”
“Uh…yeah.”
“I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“Woah.” Mingyu almost swerved on the road. “Calm down, we don’t know what happened yet.”
“No. You don’t know what happened. But I do. Wake him up right now!”
“Chan!” Hansol slapped Chan’s hand away before he could shake Seungkwan. “Whatever your problem is, wait. He’s already upset. Just let him enjoy this trip before you bring Inwoo up.”
Chan stayed silent the rest of the ride until they arrived, the last few, at the house they’re staying at. It was in a small countryside town. Pretty quiet, just a few buses and trains nearby that could go back to the city.
“That was a super long drive.” Mingyu jumped out of the car and started stretching.
Seungkwan was so tired, Hansol had to shake him away. He yawned softly and smiled at Hansol a little. “We’re here.”
Chan went to Seungkwan's side of the car and opened the door for him.
"Thanks?" Seungkwan said awkwardly as Chan helped him out, he was still a little tired from his nap.
Chan held Seungkwan's hand and looked at him, deep in the eyes. "Hyung...you know...I care about you right?"
"What?"
"You're one of my most special friends. I love you, and I would never judge you."
Seungkwan laughed, he didn't know what to say, he just felt like he was caught doing something wrong. "Did I do something?"
Chan sighed. "No, just enjoy the trip, okay?"
Seungkwan and the rest of them went into the house which was already bustling with Jun and Seokmin singing a duet. Everyone else was playing games or cooking.
Seokmin noticed Seungkwan come in just as his song ended and he pulled him over. “Seungkwan, let’s do a duet!” He tried to grab Seungkwan’s arm, but he backed away and smiled shyly at him.
“Do a duet with Jihoon.” He laughed and walked to the couch, sitting with Wonwoo and Hansol.
“But,” Seokmin started pouting, “It’s our song…I want to duet with you…Seungkwannie?”
Seungkwan frowned but eventually gave in. “Okay, just one song.”
The song began and Seokmin started it off strong as always. Once Seungkwan’s turn came, he sang the first line with a smile, but suddenly his voice began to fade into a whisper as he put the mic down.
“Seungkwannie? What’s wrong?” Seokmin tried to hand him the mic back, but Seungkwan walked away to the bathroom without saying anything.
Seokmin looked at everyone, but they were all just as confused. “What was that about?”
“He’s been extra tired since this morning. And making him sing a love song when he just got dumped is probably too soon. Let’s just let him relax today.”
_____
“Seungkwan, stop drinking!” Soonyoung stole Seungkwan’s bottle of Soju and burst into laughter at how red he was. “Look at you, a cute red panda!”
Seungkwan pouted and stood up, staggering a little as he made his way over to Hansol and engulfed him in a hug. “Hansollieee, I missed youuu.” He kissed Hansol’s cheek messily, nearly dropping his new bottle of soju.
“You missed me? I see you almost every few days though?” Hansol laughed and hugged him back.
“But I can’t hug you.” He squeezed Hansol even tighter and stuffed his face into his chest before sobbing.
“Seungkwan! Why are you crying?!” He sat Seungkwan down and wiped his tears. “What do you mean? Why can’t you hug me?”
Everyone was now staring at them, a few of them laughing.
“He’s wasted, I give him 5 minutes before he blacks out like that one time.”
Seungkwan just startled giggling and grabbed another soju bottle, he tried to drink it, but ended up spilling it all over his hoodie, nearly the entire bottle.
“Yah!” Mingyu ran over laughing with a roll of paper towels. “You’re supposed to get it in your mouth Seungkwan.”
“Sorry…” Seungkwan frowned and let Mingyu take the bottle.
“You’re drenched now, you need to change.” Hansol helped him stand, though he could barely even keep his feet on the ground.
Wonwoo grabbed a shirt from his bag and threw it to Mingyu. “Here, he can wear this.”
Mingyu reached for his shirt but Seungkwan pushed him away, almost too harshly. “No!”
“What’s wrong with my shirt?” Wonwoo whined.
“No…I like my shirt.”
Hansol pulled at the hoodie again, “You’re literally dripping with Soju. Take it off, Kwannie-”
“No! I can’t take it off!” Seungkwan backed away from the prying eyes and hugged his own chest. “I can’t.” He fell into the chair behind him and started laughing again, his cheeks were completely on fire, he really was wasted.
Chan stepped forward, he looked determined. "Hansol, take it off of him."
“He’s too far gone, Hansol take him to bed.”
Hansol sighed, and walked to him again. “Come on, brat. Take it off.”
“No! Please…he will be mad.” Seungkwan looked at him, with fear in his eyes.
“Who will be mad?”
“Nobody.”
“Yah!” Seungcheol was the next to yell, but he was still laughing at Seungkwan’s state. They hadn’t seen him this drunk in almost a year. “Just take it off already so we can put your cute drunk ass to sleep!”
Seungkwan dropped his arms and Hansol took his chance to pull Seungkwan out of the soaked shirt. His bare chest was exposed and the second Hansol’s eyes landed on him, he dropped the shirt and his heart sank. Seungkwan couldn’t even keep his eyes open and his head fell forward. Hansol stepped closer and lifted Seungkwan’s head, leaning it on the wall behind him, now exposing his neck. “S…Seungkwan?”
“What the fuck is that?” Seungcheol pointed at him, and they all looked at the several bruises painted along Seungkwan’s chest and neck. There was also a rather large bruise on his ribs and even one on his wrist.
Seungkwan opened his eyes, a sudden rush of energy and stood up quickly, still laughing. “It’s coooold.” He walked to Mingyu and wrapped himself around him. “So warm.”
“Seung…kwan…wh..what is this?” Mingyu ran his fingers over Seungkwan’s soft skin and followed the bruises which he could even see on Seungkwan’s back.
Seungkwan giggled and hugged Mingyu tighter, “he just got a little upset, it won’t happen again, I promise. It was my fault.”
Everyone stood, still in shock, no one knew where to start.
Chan, who hadn't drunk a sip, stared at him. His anger completely melted away into a hatred so deep, he didn’t even know what to do with it.
“Who did this?” Mingyu asked.
Hansol pulled Seungkwan off of Mingyu, and he whined in response. “Nooo, I’m cold.”
“Boo Seungkwan!”
Hansol’s stern voice startled Seungkwan and he backed away in fear. “I..I’m sorry…I didn’t m…mean to hug him.” He backed into a corner and hid his face behind his arms.
Hansol approached him and pulled his arms down. “I..I’m not going to hurt you, who did this to you?”
Seungkwan tilted his head in confusion before laughing and falling forward as Hansol caught him. “Seungkwan? Answer me!”
“Stop!” Mingyu pulled Seungkwan into his own arms and held him gently. “You’re scaring him, yelling like that. He’s shaking, and drunk.”
“Am I supposed to ignore what I’m looking at?” Hansol looked around at everyone frantically. “Why are you all not saying anything? Look at him! I know those aren’t all hickeys!”
“Everyone is shocked right now, and Seungkwan can’t really answer. He’s too out of it. He’s practically asleep.” Mingyu bent down and lifted him up, bridal style. “Who did you to you, Seungkwannie?” Mingyu sighed as Seungkwan nuzzled his face comfortably into his chest.
Chan walked up to Seungkwan and placed a hand on his cheek. “Just take him to bed, I will explain.”
“What?”
“You will?!”
Hansol grabbed Chan’s arm. “You know what happened.”
“Yes.”
“I will put him to sleep. Wait for me. You better have a damn good explanation for this, Chan.” Mingyu carried him into the room he was going to stay in and placed him into the bed. He covered him with a blanket while kissing his head.
Everyone gathered into the seating area and waited until Mingyu came back in.
“What do you have to do with this, Chan?” Jeonghan asked.
Mingyu sat down by Hansol and crossed his arms. “Explain.”
Chan sighed heavily as he sat on the ground, in front of everyone. “Isn’t it obvious, I know some of you had your suspicions already?”
Jihoon shook his head and looked down, “it’s Inwoo, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“What?” Soonyoung looked at Jihoon with confusion. “Inwoo did that? Why? They fought?”
“He told me it only happened once. I shouldn’t have listened, but I believed him.” Minghao was the next to confess.
“That bastard really didn’t take my warning seriously.” Wonwoo laughed out of anger.
“What the hell are you all saying?” Hansol yelled.
“Inwoo, he did that to Seungkwan.” Chan reiterated.
“He did that? To my Seungkwannie?” Hansol’s voice broke with his words.
“He’s been doing that…since the day they met.” Chan, looked down, he was still beating himself up for not knowing sooner.
“Inwoo has been hurting him?” Seungcheol asked for clarification.
“Yes.”
“And how do you know this, Chan, and all of you?!” Jeonghan asked, pointing at Jihoon, Wonwoo and Minghao.
Jihoon spoke up first. “I saw Seungkwan with a black eye the day after we met Inwoo for the first time. I asked if he hit him, but Seungkwan said no…and I believed him.”
“And…we saw Seungkwan after Inwoo hit him on the face. Seungkwan said that he apologized and would never do it again…so we brushed it off…he seemed like it didn’t bother him at all, so we thought it really was a one-time thing.” Jun nodded as Minghao spoke.
“Wonwoo?” Mingyu asked.
“I saw them on accident. Inwoo was pushing Seungkwan around and then left him in the road when I was leaving work one day. Seungkwan said they had been drinking or something and that he had flirted with the waiter, so Inwoo got mad. He said it wasn’t that bad and that he never does stuff like that…I didn’t fully believe him. So…I went to Inwoo’s house that night and told him not to touch Seungkwan ever again.” Wonwoo sighed, “I see he didn’t listen.”
“And you? Chan?” Jeonghan asked.
“I found out a few days ago, the day he told us Inwoo dumped him.” Chan grabbed the journal from his bag and held it up. “Seungkwan must’ve accidentally dropped this at the bar and I took it home because I assumed it was one of yours. But I started reading since I couldn’t find a name. After reading a few pages and being confused, I saw Inwoo’s name and knew it belonged to Seungkwan. He mentioned Inwoo hurting him…So I read it…all of it. I never expected to find all of that out, I could barely sit through reading that shit. But I had to know exactly what that coward did to him so I could kill him.”
“What is it?” Hansol asked, reaching for it, but Chan was hesitant to let anyone see it.
“It’s Seungkwan’s journal. But it’s mostly about Inwoo and his relationship since the day they started dating. He’d been awful to him since the beginning….and it’s really bad. I didn’t even know what to do. I was going to talk to him here, but then this happened.” Chan buried his face into his hands, everyone could see the stress he was in since he found that journal.
“He’s been abusing him? This whole time? Inwoo?” Soonyoung stood while laughing, “I can’t believe this.”
“He has…it’s all written in here. And I don’t even know if this is everything. And we’ve all seen the signs, but Seungkwan just convinced us it was nothing. He even convinced himself. He thinks that this psycho loves him, he’s completely gaslit him. We were all too dumb to notice how obvious it was.”
“I don’t get it, why has he been dating him for so long then?” Seungcheol said.
“Inwoo is crazy. He somehow tricked Seungkwan into believing that he loves him. He told Seungkwan that he’s not good enough to be loved by anyone other than him. From what he wrote, it seems like at first Inwoo seemed okay, then he thought Inwoo would stop after a while, then he kept getting worse and Seungkwan was too scared to do anything and just went into denial. He wrote that he wanted to tell us, but he was scared that we’d judge him and hate him.”
“What?!” Seungcheol’s voice rose in anger. “Why would we hate him?! We would've killed that bitch for him!”
“This explains everything.” Mingyu sat back down, taken aback by everything. “He’s been so scared of everyone, and depressed, I mean look at him, he doesn’t even smile or dress the same and he’s so skinny now. Did that bastard do that to him?”
Chan nodded. “He controlled what Seungkwan ate…and called him horrible names.”
“I wish I could’ve been there for him.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Mingyu. We all should’ve paid more attention. He’s been suffering alone, but not anymore. We can be there for him now.” Jeonghan’s calming presence finally made everyone settle down a little. There was no point in getting too angry right now.
“He just broke up with him, right? What did he say-”
Chan interrupted Seungcheol. “He told Seungkwan that he was tired of him and how ugly he is.”
Seungcheol laughed. “Really? He thinks he can just get away with that? I’m not letting him.”
Wonwoo nodded in agreement. “He likes to use his hands, I do too. I will beat him so-”
“Wonwoo-” Jeonghan tried to calm him down too.
“Seungkwan is so sweet and genuine, always trying to brighten everyone's day. How could someone want to hurt him?”
“What do we do?” Joshua asked, “What do we say to him tomorrow?”
“If he finds out that we all know…he will be overwhelmed…we should wait to tell him until after we deal with Inwoo. I want him dead before we tell Seungkwan.”
“I agree. He probably won’t remember what happened tonight. We just need to be there for him, and show him how much we love him, maybe he will open up to us himself.” Jeonghan said as everyone began to get up.
“This is a lot to process.” Soonyoung rubbed his head while sighing. “I can’t believe he met that monster because of me.”
“It’s not your fault, Young-ah.” Jihoon hugged Soonyoung so he would know he wasn’t alone either.
“This is a lot for everyone, we should all just go to bed and talk about this tomorrow with clear minds.”
“Minghao is right, let’s just go to bed. And don’t forget…don’t mention it to Seungkwan tomorrow.”
Everyone went to their rooms except Mingyu and Hansol, because Chan held them back.
“What’s wrong, Chan?”
“I need to talk to you two…” He had something unreadable on his face as he sat them down on the couch and made sure everyone was gone before he sat in front of them with the journal.
“What is it, Chan?”
“There is more…I didn’t want everyone to know. I know they won't judge him or anything, but It would hurt Seungkwan if they learned everything.” Chan looked up at them with tears in his eyes. “But you two are closest with him…I thought you should know at least.”
“Hey…it’s okay Chan, what else was in there? You can tell us.” Mingyu handed him tissues and tried to give a smile.
“This entire journal is just so messed up. It’s all Seungkwan’s thoughts and things that he did to him. But Seungkwan really said terrible things about himself, about how much he hates himself and thinks he’s ugly. I don’t know if it’s because of In…woo or if this has always been a problem, but he really hates himself. He thinks no one loves him, and that he deserved to be treated like that.”
“But Seungkwan has always been…so bright, and confident…” Mingyu mumbled, but as he said it, he realized it could’ve just been Seungkwan trying to hide his insecurities.
“That’s not all…Inwoo…I don’t even want to say his fucking name. He did more than just hit Seungkwan and abuse him verbally, he did disgusting things to him, he treated him like a toy.” Chan stumbled over his words as he opened the journal again. “A few of the pages in here have rules that Inwoo made for Seungkwan…one page is things he shouldn’t do, the other is things he should do, and another is about things that upset Inwoo easily.”
“What the-”
Chan swallowed before reading a page. “Inwoo’s rules. No whining. No hugging others. No sleepovers with others. No drinking with others. No singing. No hanging out with someone alone. Don’t wear cute clothes in front of others. Don’t wear childish clothes. Don’t eat fried food or sugary foods. Must stay under 105 pounds. Must report who I meet and where I go. Don’t tell anyone about these rules. Don’t complain or speak during…” Chan hesitated and bit his tongue before continuing. “Don't complain or speak..d..during sex. And…the last one on this page…Don’t say No.” Chan slammed the book shut. “He wrote that there are different punishments depending on which rule he breaks and that ‘dont say no’...is the biggest rule.”
“Don’t say no? What the fuck does that mean?” Hansol took the book and laughed when he saw it clearly written there in Seungkwan’s writing.
Chan couldn’t look up again, he couldn’t stop more tears either. “I know I shouldn’t have read it all…but I did.” He clenched his fists and hit the ground. “Inwoo…he…he.”
“He what?”
“Seungkwan thought it was okay since they were dating…but what he does to him is not okay. He gets violent when Seungkwan says no. I can’t even say what all I read, but Inwoo makes me sick.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Hansol opened the book to a random page and read it out loud. “At first, I would beg him not to…but then he would threaten me and get violent and then my friends would notice the bruises. So, I stayed quiet and shut my eyes so it would hurt less. He's my boyfriend, I owe it to him since he loves me.”
Hansol and Mingyu’s eyes widened in terror. Hansol could barely even speak through the anger that was raging inside of him.
“I wish it was all just some cruel joke, but I knew it wasn’t and the bruises on him and his wrists just confirm it all. That’s why I couldn’t confront him. I don’t even know what to say.”
“Wait…this morning…Seungkwan…” Mingyu covered his mouth as his own eyes started to sting. “The way I found him…shaking on his bed…no please don’t tell me.” Mingyu thought back to how scared Seungkwan was when he opened the door, then how drained he looked afterwards. “I thought he was just scared because I walked in, and he was naked…oh my god. I should’ve realized. He looked terrified and sick, and his clothes were thrown on the floor and he didn’t even want to come on the trip, but I made him come.”
“He broke up with him then went back there to do that to him? They aren’t back together, are they?!” Hansol was squeezing his fists so tight, he almost couldn't feel his fingers anymore. “That’s why he was so upset this morning and freaked out when I touched him.”
“What do we do?” Chan asked in the most pitiful tone. “I don’t have any proof other than the journal and Seungkwan would never speak up, there is no evidence. What if he tries to hurt him again?”
“Again?” Mingyu almost laughed at that. “He will never go near him again. I will break him if he even speaks Seungkwan’s name.”
“But what about Seungkwan? He’s so traumatized, I don’t even know how to help him.” Hansol felt helpless, he let Mingyu hug him, and Chan joined the hug soon after.
“We will slowly help him heal and make sure no one ever hurts him again.” Mingyu let go of the hug and looked down. "I will stay with him tonight.”
“Me too.”
“Yeah, me too-”
“We can’t all fit on a queen bed, and I was already rooming with him for the trip anyways. He will know something’s up if he wakes up with three guys in his face.”
“You two sleep and I will watch Seungkwan, he might still remember what happened earlier. If so, I will tell him that only us three know, okay?”
Chan and Hansol agreed before going to their own shared room.
Mingyu headed to his own room and sighed as he opened the door. He was relieved to see Seungkwan sleeping soundly. He got into the bed and stared at Seungkwan, watching him breathe slowly, looking so peaceful, so innocent. He looked at the bruises on his chest and touched them lightly, it was like he could feel the pain himself. “I don’t know what to say to you. I wish I could’ve somehow protected you or realized sooner. I’m sorry that I distanced myself from you when you started dating him…I was selfish…I was hurt to see you with someone else. If I had stayed close and been a better friend, I would've noticed. Maybe if I had confessed to you before you met him, this might have never happened.” He wanted to hug Seungkwan, and comfort him, but he didn’t want to cross any lines. He pulled the blanket over them and drifted into sleep.