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There are worse things, Aura knows, than the fate she's been dealt. Her sentence had been relatively light, and the outcome of her stunt the best that she could have hoped for. Plus, the Phantom's death toll had been stymied, even if the question of his identity gives Aura a splitting headache to think about.
But even for all the good that her actions have done, she will be spending this Christmas behind bars so that Simon can spend his alive and free. And she can't help but wonder what it would have been like is she hadn't have needed to force this bargain.
If her brother hadn't needed to force his.
If Metis was still alive, and they'd been able to move on as they'd been planning to before it all went so horribly wrong.
It's silly, Aura thinks, to spend her time daydreaming. Traditionally, she's considered it a waste of time. However, since she now has a surfeit of time at her disposal, it seems only natural to waste some of it. And while the implausibility of fantasy has never quite been her thing, there are other parts of speculative fiction that are much more worth her while. So if she frames it as an exploration of multiverses, of different realms in which various potential eventualities had played out, then she can almost imagine how things might look in one other than her own.
There is a world in which Metis is still alive, and none of the unpleasantness of the past seven years had unfolded. And what would their lifes look like then?
They'd been thinking about creating a home together, eventually. Housing markets being what they were, it wasn't going to be a quick move on either of their parts, but they had been saving up towards the goal at least. Surely within seven years they would have succeeded, and found a place suitable for all of them. Simon would have been invited to join them, of course, and given his fondness for both Athena and Metis, she had no doubt that he would have followed. He'd have been like an older brother for Athena; keeping on with his duties as de facto babysitter when she and Metis were off on dates, and eventually being able to help Athena more as she learned to socialize despite her abilities. It would have been nice to see Simon and Athena grow up without their relationship becoming the pseudo-codependency that had eaten away at both for the past seven years. It also would have been nice for Aura to have not become so twisted against the little princess herself, now that she knew for sure that Athena was as innocent as the rest of them. She would have to work on that eventually—on accepting Athena both in concept and as the young woman she has become—but her little brother the psychology student had already pointed out to her that this was a time of mourning for all of them, and that it was best to let the emotions flow through her for now. And so, she'd let the resentment wallow just a little bit longer.
There would have been no need for resentment, though, if Metis were alive. If the four of them had been a family, able to live and work and grow together, to help each other out and squabble over the benefits of minimalism versus maximalism, or the best brands of transistors, or whatever else happened to be up for discussion that day. How good it would have been for the biggest interpersonal issues in their lives to be over such trivialities!
There is a world in which they need to decorate their house for Christmas. It would be understated, she thinks—Metis wasn't the type to appreciate large gestures, and Aura has always been one for minimalism herself—but it would be intricately complicated despite that; with light shows that perhaps would take an entire night to fully play through and comprehend. She never bothered with such things at her apartment—it felt unnecessary there. But for the smile it would bring to Metis's face, she would have made something beautiful.
There is probably also a world in which they got married on Christmas Eve, capitalizing on the date's romantic implications, and giving themselves something to do while everyone else and their dog attended some church service or another. Metis had once given a knowing smile when Aura reminded her that in Japan, Christmas Eve was a lover's holiday, and it had become a special day for them ever since. To expand it to their wedding seemed a logical leap, and she wonders how long it would have taken them to move forward with that together.
It would have been wonderful to see Metis walk down the aisle towards her, looking refined and dignified. It's harder to imagine walking down the aisle towards Metis, if just because the thought of Simon walking beside her makes her think of the absolute squabbling they'd probably had been doing right beforehand, even if the event itself would have likely proceeded with only minimal issues. It makes her heart glow to imagine exchanging vows with Metis, giving each other rings, and to changing into formal kimono and sipping sake out of the same cup as they honoured their shared mixed heritage.
It would have been wonderful to celebrate their anniversary every year, coming up with more and more elaborate ways to observe the special occasion, and planning how to make sure they got time for themselves while still spending Christmas proper with Athena and Simon through the years. They'd spent their last Christmas together half with their families and half-on their own, completing a jigsaw puzzle that Simon had gifted the two of them. (Apparently Aura's expression when she saw the gift tag had been something, and Simon always changed the subject whenever the meaning behind the joint giving had been brought up.) It is easy to imagine the tradition continuing—maybe doing more puzzles together, maybe finding some kits to build. Maybe they'd be too tired by all of it, and would actually attempt to find something good to watch amongst the drivel that called itself "holiday movies" in this day and age.
Maybe Metis would have insisted on making Aura skate in the name to exercise, only to give that restrained giggle of hers whenever Aura inevitably fell flat on her butt. Maybe they would have tried to cook together, making turkey dinners and osechi ryouri with mixed success until eventually deciding it was better on all of them to get their meals catered. Or perhaps they would have made a habit of travelling instead, and spending Christmas and New Year's in Japan as a pair or as a larger family.
The idea of ringing in the new year with Metis, watching fireworks and hearing the bells, and kissing as the clock strikes twelve, is almost more than she can bear.
But really, the most important part of it is that there is a world where Metis is alive. Where she and they are happy together, and that they got to live the future that they so surely deserved.
But this is not that universe, and this year, Aura will spend Christmas alone.
She will have to decide what to make of the next one, she supposes, and how to honour what could have been, even as she greatly mourns all that she has lost.
There is time for that at Christmas too, she thinks, whether or not it's to be spent behind bars.