Chapter Text
"The Queers of the Titanic" July 19th, 2025 - Oxford University History Department. Presented by Hyunjin Hwang.
Presentation Recorded by Changbin Seo.
Back in the lecture hall, a heavy silence filled the room, broken only by the occasional sniffle. Hyunjin set his presentation clicker down on the podium and looked out over the room of teary-eyed classmates. Changbin wiped his nose on his sleeve, Jeongin ducked his head into his hoodie to hide his reddened face, and Seungmin sat stone-faced, his lips trembling despite his best effort to appear composed.
Even Jisung, who rarely took anything seriously, had tears streaming down his face as he clutched a tissue. He broke the silence with a shaky laugh. “Why am I crying? Why am I-” His voice cracked, and he wiped his cheeks quickly. “This is so romantic. I love gay people.”
Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth despite the seriousness of his topic. “Seriously?”
“I mean it!” Jisung exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “The drama, the sacrifice, the forbidden love...it’s all too much! Felix is like… the epitome of loyalty and passion. And Chris! Ugh, he’s such an idiot, but he’s so devoted. I love them. I love this. Someone should make a fan-fiction about this.”
Jeongin peeked out from his hoodie, his voice muffled. “It’s like a movie. But it’s real, and that makes it even sadder.”
Changbin nodded. “I swear, I’ll never complain about my love life again. Nothing compares to this.”
Seungmin finally broke his silence, his voice quiet. “I don’t know whether to hate Chris for stealing that necklace or love him for pushing Felix onto that lifeboat. It’s so complicated.”
Hyunjin watched his classmates, his expression softening.
“Listen,” he said, his voice cutting through the hum of emotions. “I’m glad you all feel something for them. It’s why I wanted to tell this story. But I have to warn you.”
The students quieted, their attention snapping back to Hyunjin as his tone grew more serious.
“This next part,” he said, gripping the podium tightly, “is going to break your hearts. Whatever you think you’re feeling now? It’s nothing compared to what’s coming.”
The weight of his words hung in the air. Jisung, always the one to lighten the mood, looked uncharacteristically nervous. “You can’t just say that and expect us to survive, Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin gave a small, bittersweet smile. “I guess we’ll see who makes it to the end.”
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Hyunjin:
Chris glanced up, his face pale and covered with sweat, watching the ship’s towering bow sink lower into the waves. The stern, their last refuge, loomed far above, a fleeting hope in the midst of the disaster.
“We have to get to the stern!” Chris shouted, his voice cracking as he tightened his grip on Felix’s hand. “It’s the only chance we have!”
Felix could only nod. The deck beneath them creaked and groaned, tilting sharply as objects, debris, and even people slid helplessly into the waters below. They stumbled together, their hands clasped as if letting go would mean certain doom.
The slope grew steeper with every step, the ship’s monstrous structure betraying them. Felix’s polished shoes were no match for the wet, inclined deck, and he slipped, falling hard onto his knees. Before he could cry out, Chris was there, hauling him up with a strength Felix didn’t think he had left.
“Don’t stop!” Chris barked, his voice trembling with urgency.
They scrambled onward, navigating over fallen benches, suitcases, and the bodies of those who had been less fortunate. Just as they reached the upper deck, a sudden and terrifying sound shattered through the air. A deafening pop and groan as the Titanic’s lights flickered wildly before extinguishing completely.
Darkness swallowed the ship, leaving only the distant, ghostly glow of the stars and the faint glimmer of the moon reflecting on the freezing water. Felix’s breath caught, panic swelling in his chest. He couldn’t see anything. Only feel Chris’s hand gripping his, pulling him forward through the pitch-black chaos.
“Stay with me!” Chris shouted, his voice barely audible above the cacophony of panic around them.
“I’m here!” Felix called back, though fear made his voice thin and frail.
The ship gave a sudden lurch, the bow plunging deeper into the ocean. Felix and Chris were thrown to their knees, skidding against the deck’s slick surface. Felix’s palms burned as they scraped against the wood, but he forced himself upright, leaning into Chris as they staggered toward the stern.
All around them, people screamed for help, clinging to railings and each other as the ship was nearly impossible to navigate. Felix’s legs burned with exertion, his breath coming in ragged gasps, but he refused to let go of Chris’s hand.
The stern of the ship loomed closer, but the deck beneath them seemed to disintegrate with every passing second. The ship groaned again, the terrible sound of metal twisting and breaking filling the air.
“Just a little further!” Chris shouted, his voice raw and desperate.
Felix glanced back for just a moment and immediately regretted it. The black water surged up the ship, swallowing everything in its path. People were screaming, sliding helplessly into the ocean. The sight froze him in place, his body trembling with terror.
Chris jerked him forward, forcing Felix to focus on the task at hand. “Don’t look back!” he yelled, his voice fierce. “We’re almost there!”
With one last burst of strength, they reached the stern rail. Chris clung to it with one hand, wrapping the other arm protectively around Felix as the ship tilted at an impossible angle. The ocean loomed below them, a cold and merciless abyss waiting to claim them.
Felix buried his face against Chris’s shoulder, his whole body shaking as he clung to him. “What now?” he whispered, his voice almost lost in the chaos.
Chris didn’t answer right away. He stared out at the horizon, at the inky darkness swallowing the ship piece by piece. “We hold on,” he said finally, his voice steadier than Felix expected. “No matter what happens, we hold on.”
Felix nodded, tears stinging his eyes as he tightened his grip on Chris, praying that somehow, against all odds, they would survive the night.
This hope didn't last long, though.
The ship groaned as its steel frame bent under the immense pressure, sending an earsplitting crack into the night. Felix and Chris froze in their tracks, feeling the deck shudder violently beneath their feet. A jagged screech of tearing metal followed as the Titanic’s midsection broke apart, splitting the ship into two massive fragments.
Felix’s breath hitched, his grip on Chris tightening as they both watched in horror. The forward section of the ship plummeted into the ocean, dragging countless people and debris with it in a nightmarish spectacle. Those too close to the rupture were swallowed into the abyss, their screams piercing and fleeting.
The stern, where Felix and Chris clung to hope, shuddered again, suddenly tilting upright. Felix felt gravity shift beneath him, and his legs gave way, sending him sliding down the steepened deck. Chris caught him just in time, anchoring them both to a railing.
“Hold on tight!” Chris shouted, his voice almost lost in the chaos.
The stern hung precariously upright, bobbing momentarily in the ocean’s cold embrace. Felix, his chest heaving from the near fall, felt a spark of relief ignite in his heart. “We’re safe for now!” he exclaimed, his voice tinged with shaky hope.
But Chris, his face pale and grim, shook his head. “Don’t celebrate, Felix,” he said firmly, his voice steady but dark. “This part will sink faster. We’re running out of time.”
Felix’s fleeting joy drained away, replaced by the cold reality of Chris’s words. He glanced at his surroundings, taking in the horrifying scene. People clung desperately to anything they could find—rails, beams, lifeboats still attached to the davits. Some wept openly; others screamed prayers into the uncaring void of the night.
They scrambled upward toward the stern railing as the incline grew steeper by the second. Felix’s hands burned against the icy metal, his breath visible in short, panicked bursts. The cold gnawed at his body, but he pressed on, focusing on Chris just ahead of him.
Finally, they reached the topmost edge of the stern, where the remaining survivors huddled together. Chris threw an arm around Felix, steadying him as they clung to the railing. The ship’s descent slowed for a brief, harrowing moment.
Felix looked down into the chaos below, his eyes scanning the dark, churning waters. Among the lifeboats, he spotted a familiar face - Mr. Andrews, sitting calmly on one of the crafts as if he were unaffected by the devastation around him.
Fueled by rage, Felix cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, his voice raw and hoarse. “Screw you and your ship, Andrews!”
The architect didn’t respond, his face illuminated briefly by a passing lantern. He turned away, staring into the distance as though Felix’s words had no weight.
Felix turned back to Chris, his hands trembling as he clutched at him. Chris held on tightly to the railings, his body braced against the ship’s relentless tilt.
“We’re not going to die here, Felix,” Chris said, his voice low but fierce, as though willing his words to shape reality.
Felix nodded, swallowing hard. “Not if we hold on,” he murmured, leaning into Chris as the stern began to descend again.
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Clutching the stern railing, they braced themselves against the furious tilt. The cold was unbearable now. Their hearts raced as the ship’s descent grew ever more rapid, the surface of the ocean rising toward them.
Felix’s hands were numb, the metal of the railing slick with seawater, but he didn’t dare let go. His eyes flicked desperately between Chris, whose jaw was set in grim determination, and the vast expanse of dark water that threatened to swallow them whole. The once-mighty ship creaked and trembled as though resisting its inevitable fall, but with each passing second, it became clearer that nothing could stop it.
“Felix!” Chris shouted above the roar of the wind, his grip tightening on the railing. “We have to hold on! We’re almost-”
A brutal crash echoed through the night as the stern began to sink faster, tipping them further toward the abyss. Felix’s legs gave way again, and he scrambled to hold on to the now-tilted deck, but gravity was no ally.
“Chris!” Felix screamed, his voice hoarse with panic. “I can’t-”
Chris’s voice cut through his fear. “Don’t let go! We’re not dead yet!”
The ship shuddered one final time, as if exhaling its last breath, and then, with an earth-shattering crack, the stern plunged into the freezing water. The world flipped upside down as they were both thrown into the churning ocean. Felix yelped as the icy water swallowed him whole, choking on the salt as he struggled to the surface.
His head broke through the water, and he sucked in a desperate breath, his body shaking from the cold. He could hear Chris’s frantic shouts as he, too, fought to stay above the surface, and the distant screams of the other survivors, fading quickly into the night. The Titanic was gone now, lost to the depths, and Felix clung to the only thing that mattered: Chris.
“Chris!” Felix shouted, his voice barely audible over the crashing waves. “Chris, where are you?”
“Here!” came the ragged reply. Chris appeared in front of him, coughing up water, his face pale but determined.
Felix’s heart hammered in his chest as he reached out, grasping Chris’s arm. “We’re going to be okay, right?” he gasped, the fear rising again.
Chris’s eyes were fierce, even in the face of their desperate situation. “We don’t have time to doubt. K-Keep swimming.” Chris was trembling.
They fought their way through the dark, cold waters, the freezing temperature numbing their limbs, making each stroke feel like an eternity. Felix could barely feel his fingers anymore, his muscles aching with exhaustion. His chest burned, each breath more labored than the last.
Then, Chris’s hand shot out of the water, gripping a large piece of broken wood. It was a door, torn free from one of the ship’s cabins, floating precariously on the surface.
“Get on!” Chris shouted, his voice urgent. “We’ll freeze out here if we don’t.”
Felix’s eyes flicked between the door and Chris, panic bubbling in his chest. “Chris- there’s not enough room! You-”
“I’m fine,” Chris cut him off sharply. “You need to survive. Get on, Felix.”
Felix hesitated, his gaze desperate, searching Chris’s face for any sign of the man who had fought so hard to keep them both alive. But there was no sign of hesitation in Chris’s eyes - only the same fierce resolve that had kept them going this far.
“Chris, I won’t leave you,” Felix pleaded, his voice cracking. “Please, we can both make it.”
But Chris’s expression softened for a brief moment before hardening again. “You’re the one who has to make it, Felix. I won’t let you die because of me. Now, fucking get on.”
Felix opened his mouth to argue, but Chris’s grip tightened on the door, his face stern, his body shivering uncontrollably from the cold. It wasn’t an option anymore. Felix had to survive.
With a final, desperate glance at Chris, Felix clambered onto the door, his body trembling violently as he lay flat on it. The night air bit at his skin, and the ocean continued to churn around them. He could still hear the echoes of the ship’s destruction in the distance, but now, there was only the quiet between them, the vast emptiness of the sea.
Chris, with his chest heaving, locked eyes with Felix one last time before he let go of the door, allowing himself to slide back into the water. His voice came to Felix, faint but strong, barely audible over the sound of the waves.
“Stay with me,” Chris whispered, his face etched with pain. “You’re not alone.”
Felix’s heart shattered as he nodded, clinging to the door with all his strength. The cold felt like it was seeping into his very bones, but all he could think of was Chris, swimming by his side, refusing to give up.
But now, it was up to Felix. The sea had taken everything but him.
And as the stars above flickered in a cold, indifferent sky, Felix clung to the door with all his might, determined to live - no matter what.
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The cold was unbearable, but it was nothing compared to the aching emptiness Felix felt deep in his chest as he lay there on the door, barely holding himself together. His shivering body was the only thing he could focus on until he felt Chris’s hands grasp his, cold but firm.
“Felix,” Chris whispered, his voice hoarse from the cold and the saltwater. “Remember those drawings I made… the ones with the naked men?”
Felix couldn’t help but let out a soft giggle, despite the agony gnawing at him. It was such a strange thing to remember now, but Chris had a way of making him feel alive again, even in the face of such devastation. Felix, his voice trembling, managed to reply through a weak laugh.
Chris smirked weakly, his teeth chattering, but his eyes still bright despite the circumstances. “I love the one of you the most, you looked so beautiful.... Felix I love you so much... I....” He was cut off as a shudder ran through his body, his lips turning blue.
Felix’s smile faltered, the cold air choking off his laughter. He squeezed Chris’s hands, refusing to let go. “Chris… stop joking, okay?”
Chris’s fingers tightened for a moment before loosening slightly, his gaze softening. He turned his head to look at Felix, trying to steady his breath. “Remember the first time we met?” he asked, his voice cracking with the effort.
Felix’s heart twisted as he nodded, the memory flickering vividly in his mind. “Yeah… I was looking for my mother’s sunhat. I was so desperate to find it, you wouldn’t stop teasing me about it.”
Chris’s lips curled into a faint smile, but his eyes held a faraway look. “You were so determined, like the hat was going to save you from something."
Felix swallowed, his throat tight as the realisation of their shared history washed over him. They had been so young, so innocent then - before all this madness.
Chris squeezed Felix’s hands once more, the warmth fading from his touch. “I always will love you, Felix. I will always be here......”
Felix’s eyes blurred with tears as Chris’s words trailed off. “Chris?” he called, his voice shaking. “Chris?”
But Chris didn’t respond.
“Chris!” Felix’s voice cracked as panic surged through him. “Chris!!!”
Chris’s body seemed to go slack, his eyelids fluttering closed, his face pale and hollow. The dim starlight flickered on his skin, but he didn’t move. His lips parted once more, but no more words came out.
“Chris? No! Please - don’t-” Felix’s voice broke into a raw scream as he desperately shook Chris’s shoulders, his heart pounding in his chest. “No, no, no, no, no - this can’t be happening! Please! You can’t die, Chris!”
Felix’s hands trembled as he clutched at Chris’s body, desperately trying to keep him with him. He shook him harder, but Chris was limp in his grasp, unresponsive to the frantic touch. His breath came in uneven gasps, his vision blurring as his chest constricted in grief.
“No, no, NO!” Felix screamed again, his voice torn with agony, shaking Chris’s body with every ounce of strength he had left. “You can’t leave me now, not now! Please, don’t leave me - don’t go - Chris, please!”
But it was too late.
In a desperate attempt, Felix pulled harder, but in his frantic grief, his grip faltered for the briefest of moments. Chris’s hand slipped from Felix’s, and before Felix could react, Chris’s body slipped silently beneath the water.
“NOOOO!!!” Felix’s cry tore through the night, a sound so raw and guttural it echoed in the emptiness of the ocean. “Chris!!!”
Tears streamed down his face as he reached out frantically, his fingers clawing at the water, but there was nothing left. Only the dark waves, swallowing everything. Only the crushing weight of the sea, as if it had come to claim all that was left.
Felix’s breath came in ragged sobs as he collapsed onto the door, his body wracked with grief. He curled in on himself, shaking uncontrollably, his sobs mixing with the crashing waves around him.
“Chris… Chris…” His voice was barely a whisper, his chest heaving as he could still feel the imprint of Chris’s hands on his, the warmth of their connection now gone. His body trembled violently from the cold, the grief, the shock.
The sea stretched before him, vast and uncaring, the stars above indifferent to the loss that had just torn his heart apart. And as Felix floated there, alone in the night, he couldn’t bring himself to look for the one he had just lost. It was too much. The world was too cruel.
Felix couldn’t save him.
And now, he was completely, utterly alone.
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Felix was alone. He had no tears left to cry.
His body shivered uncontrollably, the cold of the sea and the weight of his grief suffocating him. His thoughts were a blur. There was no clarity, no sense of time. He could only feel the waves beneath him. The door he lay on seemed to be the only thing tethering him to a world that had become cruel and indifferent.
He didn’t even know how long he’d been drifting, nor did he care. The world around him had become a blur of water and dark sky, stretching infinitely in every direction. All he knew was that Chris was gone, swallowed by the same ocean that had spared him.
Then, through the haze of his grief, a small flicker of hope broke through the darkness. It was distant at first, barely noticeable. A tiny speck of light moving across the water. Felix’s eyes barely registered it as a boat, its lights faint and wavering. But it was there, moving closer.
As the boat drew near, Felix felt something stir in him. Was it relief?
The boat reached him, its occupants silhouetted against the faint light of the stars. One of the men, a grizzled fisherman with a weathered face, reached out to him, pulling him with surprising strength from the door. His hands were rough, calloused from years of labor, and as Felix was hauled onto the boat, he felt an odd detachment. The movement felt distant, unreal.
The man said something, but Felix couldn’t hear it over the pounding in his head. Words meant nothing. Only the emptiness. He didn’t even look at the faces of the others who were in the boat, or at the rescue team. They all seemed so far away, their kindness so foreign, like it didn’t belong in a world that had already taken everything from him.
Felix barely registered the sharp knife lying on the floor of the boat, its blade glinting coldly under the dim light. It was a fishing knife, long and gleaming, with a razor-sharp edge that could tear through flesh with ease. Felix’s eyes fixated on it. The small part of his mind that was still capable of thought registered the knife’s presence, and with a strange, detached calm, his fingers reached for it.
The man who had helped him aboard glanced away for a moment, his attention on the other survivors. Felix’s movements were quick, and in a flash, the knife was in his hand. His fingers wrapped around the handle with an odd sense of purpose, as though it was the only thing that could bring him any kind of release.
Without a second thought, he pressed the blade to his own chest, his eyes staring down at the sharp edge with an emotionless detachment. The cold steel seemed like the only thing that could match the emptiness inside him.
It felt as though his body moved on its own. A quiet, guttural sob escaped him as the blade pierced his skin. It wasn’t a scream, but something much more final—something deeper. The pain was sharp, immediate, but it wasn’t what Felix had expected. It wasn’t a release, or a way to make the world stop spinning. It was just another mark on a broken body, another echo of the storm raging inside him.
The fisherman’s eyes widened as he turned back to Felix, seeing the blood begin to stain his clothes. “Hey!” the man shouted, his hand reaching out in alarm, but Felix’s grip on the knife remained firm, even as his vision began to fade.
Felix didn’t care.
The pain from the wound only numbed him more, as if it too was swallowed by the churning sea inside him. His chest heaved with shallow breaths, his vision blurring with the encroaching darkness. He didn’t hear the fisherman’s frantic pleas or see the panic on their faces. All he could feel was the pull of the endless void.
It was as if, in that moment, he had given up all hope - he no longer wanted to survive. He no longer wanted to fight.
Everything had been taken from him. And in this final act, Felix embraced the silence, the endless void, and the absence of anything that could ever bring him peace again.
He was now with his beloved Chris.
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"The Queers of the Titanic" July 19th, 2025 - Oxford University History Department. Presented by Hyunjin Hwang.
Presentation Recorded by Changbin Seo.
As he moved to the next slide, showcasing a scene from the wreckage, Hyunjin noticed his classmates’ faces. Changbin’s eyes were red, his fists clenched in his lap. Jeongin was holding his face in his hands, trying to stifle the sobs shaking through his body. Jisung’s face was pale, tears streaking down his cheeks. And Seungmin had his hands pressed to his eyes, shoulders shaking with grief.
Hyunjin paused, feeling a knot form in his stomach. This was not how he had imagined this moment would go. He had prepared for his classmates to be interested, perhaps even moved, but not like this.
“Hyunjin… why?” Changbin’s voice cracked. “Why did it have to be both of them? Why not just one? Why did Felix have to... to end it?” His voice broke, and the words hung in the air like a heavy weight.
Hyunjin swallowed hard, feeling the sting of his own tears forming behind his eyes. He had spent days preparing this presentation, but nothing had prepared him for the emotions that had surfaced as he shared the story of Felix and Chris. He couldn’t help but feel the heartbreak as if it were his own.
Jeongin's voice came next, trembling with sorrow. “I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect Felix to… to commit suicide. Why did it have to be like that?” His words were almost a whisper, as if he were pleading for some kind of answer, some kind of explanation.
The rest of the class had gone silent. Even the professor, usually so stern and detached, looked down at his desk, lost in thought. Hyunjin wiped his own tears away, trying to focus, trying to find the words.
“I… I didn’t expect it either,” he said softly, his voice trembling with emotion. “But… maybe that’s part of the story, isn’t it?"
He paused, his heart aching as he looked at his classmates, seeing the raw grief in their eyes. “It wasn’t just about the tragedy of the Titanic,” he continued, his voice now steadying with a sense of conviction. “It was about the love they had for each other"
Seungmin sniffled, wiping his nose with his sleeve. His voice trembled when he spoke. “But they died… they didn’t deserve it. Why did Felix have to suffer like that? It just… it feels wrong.”
Hyunjin’s eyes filled with tears again, but he blinked them away quickly, not wanting to lose his composure. He couldn’t let their pain overtake him now. He needed to be strong for them, for this story. "It’s not about deserving or not deserving,” he said, his voice quiet but firm. “It’s about the choices they made, the lives they lived, and the love they shared. And in a way, they’re still together now. Maybe in a way, they always were.”
He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, as the tears began to fall freely.
The room was silent for a long moment. The only sound was the soft sniffles and the quiet sobs from his classmates, who were still struggling to process the story.
Hyunjin wiped his eyes once more, his voice growing quieter but no less heartfelt. “Sometimes, the greatest love stories aren’t the ones that end happily. But they’re the ones that remind us that love, no matter how hard or painful, is worth fighting for. And even in death, Felix and Chris are together, always."
The class remained still for a moment longer before Changbin spoke again, his voice thick with emotion. “They’re together,” he repeated, as if trying to convince himself. His words echoed in the quiet room, and slowly, one by one, the sobs began to quiet.
The pain hadn’t gone away, not yet, and it probably never would, but in that moment, Hyunjin could feel that, somehow, they had all found a little bit of peace in the shared grief. Felix and Chris might have been lost to the sea, but their love had transcended everything. Even death. And in that, Hyunjin found some comfort too.
End of Presentation.
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