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Eddie has been in El Paso for a week.
He can’t say he likes it, the area reminding him too much of the childhood he wanted so badly to escape from.
But it’s for Christopher.
So no matter how much he hates the place, no matter how much he misses L.A. and the people there, no matter how much he misses a certain someone, he’s going to suck it up.
Everything’s in motion anyway. His resignation went through two weeks ago. He’s giving the three houses he and Buck selected one final look before asking Christopher to pick the final one. All his papers back in L.A. were ready to go as soon as he finalized everything here.
Soon, El Paso will be where he calls home again.
Back to square one.
But it’s for Christopher.
A single call can change everything, though, making him question his decision to move more than ever.
“Edmundo,” his mom chastises when his phone rings when they’re all sitting in the living room, talking about doing a housewarming party for him.
“Sorry,” he says through gritted teeth because he doesn’t need her to tell him off for his phone ringing when his phone really ever rings when-
It’s the hospital.
“Edmundo Diaz speaking,” he says as he shoots up from the couch, rushing into the kitchen for some sense of privacy, heart already in his throat.
There are only two people the hospital calls him about, and one of them is with him.
“Mr.Diaz. My name is Nurse Marus, and I'm calling from Presbyterian to inform you that Mr.Evan Buckley is currently in surgery-“
Eddie doesn’t even hear the rest of it, his ears filled with white noise.
Buck’s in the hospital. Buck’s in surgery.
W-what happened?
The next thing he knows, he’s already got Bobby’s number pulled up. He doesn’t know if he hung up on the nurse or if he actually listened to everything he said, but it didn’t matter.
He needs to know what happened.
“Eddie.”
”Bobby. What happened? I just got the call from Pres-“
”He took a bad fall.”
The tone in his former captain's voice snaps him back to awareness. Bobby almost never interrupts someone, and he almost certainly never uses a tone like that with them.
It’s bad.
“H-how is he?”
”How is he or how has he been? Because-“
”Okay, okay,” he hears Hen say on the other side before she obviously takes the phone from the captain. “Hey, Eddie.”
”Hen. What’s going on?” he all but demands. “How’s Buck?”
She sighs. “He’s…it could be worse. He pulled a pretty risky move to save a woman, and he did save her. Just…took the tumble himself. Ravi swears he saw Buck momentarily catch onto something on the way down though, which is probably what kept him from dying on impact.”
Eddie’s blood runs cold at the implication.
Buck almost died.
“We told Bobby Buck’s condition wasn’t fatal, but you know how he is with Buck. He’s just feeling guilty about sending him down when Buck’s been in a funk.”
A funk?
“He even woke up for a moment in the ambulance. He wanted us to tell you- Actually, he can tell you when you get here. It’s what? A two, three-hour flight from El Paso? They should hopefully be done by then.”
Oh.
He swallows the lump in his throat before he can say, “Uh, I can’t, Hen. I….Everything’s just looking up over here, and…I want to. I promise you. I would come in a heartbeat if I could, but…I’ll come back in a few days, okay? T-tell him I’m coming. I just…After I get the house settled. After I can assure Christopher I’ll come back.”
There’s silence, and he’s sure Hen’s hung up, disappointed in him, when her voice comes through. “He’d like to see you when he wakes up.”
”I know. I know.” Then, in a whisper, he admits, “I want to see him too.”
”You know, I understand your decision to leave. I can’t say I would do differently but…”
”I’m sorry.”
”Don’t be. Look-“
”How has he been?” he interrupts with the question on his chest since the first Facetime call he had with Buck hours after he arrived in El Paso.
Hen sighs before there's shuffling and talking. Then, once it's settled, she asks, “Do you want the truth? Or what he wants us to tell you?”
“The truth,” he answers easily.
“It's been…pretty bad. We're seeing Buck 1.0 again. He's been hooking up with people, doing reckless shit, and just…spiraling I guess. I mean, he's also baking a lot so that's different, and he says he's got a handle on it. But…but I'm worried about him. We all are.”
Eddie breathes out in an attempt to ease the aching in his chest and the hurt in his heart that's never disappeared since seeing Buck's heartbroken expression through the glass doors of LAX.
But, unsurprisingly, it does little to help. The aching had increased with every step he had taken away from his partner, and, 800 miles away, it's like a constant battering ram to his soul.
Actually, that might even be less painful.
Because it hurts. Despite knowing he would be back to wrap up the last of everything and to visit from time to time and the constant calling and texting he has with Buck, everything around him is a stark reminder of the inevitable end of something that’s going to happen around the corner.
Heck, Buck's trying to pull away already. Had been even before Eddie flew down to El Paso.
His best friend hadn't made it obvious of course. Even Eddie, who knows Buck, hadn't realized the extent that Buck was not coping well with him moving, only realizing that Buck was putting on a strong front for Eddie. It wasn't until almost everything was said and done, when his mind finally stopped being so engrossed in moving and he looked around him that he saw the extent.
It wasn't just the fake smiles and enthusiasm. It was the spiraling, the pulling away, the hooking up.
Eddie had wanted to give up all his plans then and there when he realized, wanted to remind Buck that not everyone leaves, that he’s worth staying for.
But he couldn’t. He couldn’t think of another way that could get Christopher back in L.A., and Eddie…Eddie didn’t want that gap between him and his son to widen. He didn’t want to miss any more milestones. So, as much as he didn’t want a gap between him and Buck to appear, he had to pick Christopher.
And he knew Buck would understand.
“I wouldn't have left if there was another option.”
“I know.”
I wanted to ask him to come with me, he didn't say because how can he?
It’s too telling.
Too telling of the feelings he holds for his best friend.
Of the feelings that he realized pretty soon into the whole moving process.
He had known that it would be hard leaving, of course. But he soon realized it wasn't because of what he would be leaving behind but who he was leaving behind.
A very specific who.
Because he can get a new job. Maybe even get a captain like Bobby and a crew like Hen and Chim and become a family with them.
But he'd never be able to replace Buck. As a best friend. As a partner.
And, as he thought more about it, as it became more and more certain that he was moving and the ache in his heart became stronger, he realized he’d never be able to replace Buck as something more.
It's why it had been a battle between two sides of his heart from the moment it had set in that he was really doing it. That he was really planning on moving and was putting things in motion for it to happen. It’s why if Buck asked him to stay, he can’t be sure he’ll say no. It’s why he wanted to be selfish and ask Buck to move with him.
Because sometime in the last seven years, he had fallen in love with his best friend.
And he had been hoping. Hoping for a change in a situation where he didn't have to leave. Where Chris would come home so they could be a family again. Where he wouldn't have to pack up the home he made with Chris and Buck. Where he didn't have to abandon one side of his heart for the other. Where he had the courage to ask Buck to move with him and leave his family despite the chances of rejection. Maybe even one where Buck would offer to move with him and give up the rest of his family.
None of it happened, but, even now, he's hoping until the last minute. Hoping that Chris wouldn't like any of the houses he picked and decide he wanted to go home. Then he wouldn't have to sign the papers and sell their home once he gets back to L.A. Then he wouldn't have to only have contact with Buck through the phone or see each other once in a blue moon.
But it's looking less and less likely.
“I'll talk to him when I get back,” he reassures.
“Yeah. When you get back.”
And before you leave for good, she doesn't say but he hears anyway.
“Look,” she says. “I should go. See if we can get any information. We'll see you later.”
“Yeah. Let me know-”
“Of course.”
Then the call ends, leaving him wishing for more. For anything about Buck.
It leaves him wanting to see Buck with his own eyes.
It's not until he's sinking onto the floor that he realizes just how weak his knees have gotten and how heavy he feels.
But he can't break down here. He can't cry here. Not when his parents will use anything against him. Not when he's only started to get his son back.
He can't help but think this was all a bad idea though.
“Dad?”
His head snaps up and sees Chris at the kitchen entrance, his dad behind his son.
Oh no, please don’t tell him he said that out loud.
“Hey,” he says, pushing the ache in his chest aside. Buck will be fine. Just one more week, then Eddie will be back to see him.
“Is everything okay?” Christopher asks, concern lining his face.
He smiles. Christopher is opening up to him again, and it’s these little moments that make the sacrifices worth it.
Even if it is killing him on the inside.
“Yeah. Everything’s fine, mijo. Let’s go back to talking about that housewarming party, okay?”
He ushers his son back into the living room, ignoring the frown on his dad’s face as he walks by and the upset look on his mom’s when he sits back down on the couch.
Instead, he sits with the battle in him raging more than ever, torn between the two people who make up his whole world, as his mom continues on and on about his housewarming party and the people to invite, the food, etc. without a care about what Eddie wants.
Then, to everyone’s surprise, Christopher pipes up. “I don't want a housewarming party.”
“Christopher, I’ve told you. It’s rude to interrupt,” his mom chastises his kid, an exact replica of what she had done (and still does) with him.
“He wants his opinions known, Mom,” he fires back because that was always the issue with his parents. They never cared about what he wanted, and it’s something Eddie worked on not doing with Christopher.
“Edmundo-” his dad starts.
“Dad. Christopher is going to be living with me again, so it’s his housewarming party as much as it is mine. I’m not throwing one no matter how much Mom wants me to if he doesn’t want it.”
“Of course, you’re going to throw a housewarming party, Edmundo. You-”
“I don’t have to!” he snaps at her because he’s so tired of his parents already and the turmoil in him isn't helping. “I don’t want one either, Mom. You are the one who wants to throw one.”
“Well, you need to see family more often. You can’t just be a homebody all your life, Edmundo. Besides, your aunt knows this lovely girl-”
“I wanna go home!”
Everything stops as they all turn their focus onto the youngest in the room who’s frowning and not looking very happy.
And…home? They haven’t picked out a place yet. Eddie’s still sleeping on the couch in his parent’s house. So home has to be…
“You want…to go back to L.A.?” he asks, desperately but hesitantly, heart thumping a mile a minute.
His mom scoffs. “Don’t be silly, Edmundo. Christopher doesn’t-”
“I wanna go back to L.A.” the teen confirms. “Now.”
“Christopher,” his dad says. “You love it here.”
“Not enough.”
He doesn’t even let his mom say anything, jumping on the chance to go home, to go back to where they belong. “Alright. Let’s go home.”
“Edmundo! He needs family! You need family! If you had family by your side, you would not have been seeing that woman!”
“It wouldn’t have made a difference!” he tells her. “I admit it. I had a lapse in judgment, but family wouldn’t have made a difference. Because I lied to my best friend too, and he’s more than just family to me. He’s everything to me.”
And he’s definitely saying too much judging by the way his parents look, but he’s had it. Coming back here with his biological family and comparing it with what he found in L.A. has given him a whole new perspective on not only what the 118 means to him but also Buck.
“I’ve never had to lie to him before. I’ve never had to hide anything from him.”
Okay, there was the whole illegal fighting thing, but they weren’t talking then so it doesn’t really count.
“Because I know he’d never judge me. He’d worry for me and probably want to change my mind but he’d never doubt me. He’ll be there for me. He’ll support me even if it's killing him. And I have never had any problem telling him my problems until that point. Because I knew I was stepping on a landmine too. I know the decision would probably come back to bite me.“
”So why do you think I would tell you? When you judge and try to change my mind around every corner? When you’ve never stopped hoping you can mold me into the perfect son with a perfect marriage and a perfect family that you can show off? When nothing I’ve done is good enough for you to the point that you’ve wanted to raise my son since he was a baby?”
He walks around them, standing besides his son and putting an arm around his shoulder. “We're going home because that's what he wants. And you're not stopping us. Also, I'm tired of not being enough for you. So I'm done. I'm going home and back to the person who I am enough for.”
With that, he leaves his dumbstruck parents in the living room, steering Christopher into his room.
“Pack,” he says. “And I'll see when the next flight back to L.A. is.”
His son nods without saying a word, and Eddie worries that he's overstepping or that he said too much.
Then, Chris says, “That was cool, Dad.”
And something in his chest unravels.
====================
They somehow make it to the next flight out to L.A.
It took a decent bit of rushing, hoping that El Paso traffic doesn't end up like L.A. traffic, and praying for a smooth TSA experience but they did it.
By five minutes.
He breathes out a sigh of relief as he finishes putting their luggage into the overhead compartment, blood still rushing through his veins at how quick-paced the last hour and thirty minutes have been.
But they're on the plane and going home now.
He gets to see Buck in person.
“Dad?” Christopher says before they take off.
”Yeah?”
“Will Buck be okay?”
He freezes, surprised. He hadn't told Christopher what the call was about though maybe he should have known his son knows better.
“He will. He's Buck.”
His son nods, then says, ”I don’t think El Paso was ever going to be home.”
”Good thing we’re going back home then,” he reminds his son.
”Yeah. We’re going back home. To Buck.”
Eddie looks at the teen by his side and sees the understanding there. The acceptance. The go ahead.
And he can’t help but give the teen a small, grateful smile. “We are. We’re going back to Buck.”
=========================
Unfortunately, by the time they arrive, visiting hours are already over. Even being Buck’s medical proxy doesn't change that reality, so they head home instead.
And when they finally get there, all he can think about is how he could have ever thought about moving?
Because this should be their home, but with everything in boxes (except the couch that Eddie planned to give to Buck) it doesn’t feel like it.
It feels wrong.
It feels wrong through their pizza dinner on the couch. It feels wrong through Christopher's quiet admittance he was worried Eddie wouldn't want him anymore. It feels wrong through his son's explanation that his grandmother had been saying a few things behind everyone's backs. How Eddie wouldn't come to El Paso to visit. How Eddie hates El Paso so much that he wouldn't want to hear about any of it from Chris. How Eddie wouldn't want him anymore because he loves El Paso, the place that Eddie hates.
He hadn't known he was refuting all of that just by deciding to move, but it doesn't help him feel better about their home even if he realizes he made the right decision to go to El Paso.
(He ignores the part of him that's mortified about his parents - or at least his mom - almost winning. Because whether Eddie or not decided to move back, they almost got to keep their grandson. Then they almost got to keep their son as a bonus.)
“Okay, let's go unpack the stuff for your room, mijo,” he declares after they clean up, feeling anxious about getting their home back in order. “Then you can go to bed and we can go visit Buck in the morning.”
They make good time of it, and every box they unpack makes him feel a little bit better about the place because each thing going back where they belong makes it feel a little more like home.
And with each box, he has to wonder what Buck must have felt when he helped Eddie pack because Eddie knows Buck treats his home as his own.
He could barely stand it himself, but he was the one moving everything to a new place. To make a new home.
Buck? He had to watch his home be packed knowing there won't be a replacement in the immediate future. He even helped pack it. He let Eddie pack it and prepare to move it elsewhere.
It must have killed him.
Will he be allowed to love Buck after putting the man through all of that? Did any possible chance he had with Buck vanish the moment Eddie admitted he was looking at houses in El Paso?
He'll beg if he has to though. He'll beg Buck to let Eddie love him in any way he’s allowed to.
Anything for Buck to be at his side.
“Alright,” he says a little more than an hour later, Christopher's room back to what it used to be and both of them having showered after a long day. “Rest and we’ll go see Buck tomorrow, okay?”
The teen nods, obviously tired out after a long day. Before he can step out of the room though, Christopher goes, “Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I'm home.”
Eddie grins, feeling like the weight on his chest for the past few months is being lifted. “Welcome home mijo.”
And it's with that light feeling that he spends the next several hours unpacking more of his home.
All he's missing is Buck now.
===========================
Unfortunately, Buck's not awake when they get to the hospital the next morning, but they're told that he hasn't woken up yet since getting out of surgery.
They do meet up with the team though, which Eddie is glad about because Chris coming back with him means he's got to rescind his resignation so he can get back to his family and watch Buck’s back.
But even as the day winds down again, Buck still hasn’t woken up.
And another day passes.
And another.
It’s not unusual, he knows, that people with severe injuries don’t wake up right away, and it’s Buck. But Eddie still worries, visiting Buck whenever he can (which is often since he doesn’t have work right now), talking to him, and just making his presence known.
Then finally, it happens.
Buck’s breathing changes and his blue eyes flicker open, brows furrowed. Eddie’s breath catches, and he’s immediately calling for a doctor to check on his best friend.
It's a bit of a whirlwind after that, with doctors and nurses going into the room to ask Buck questions and get his numbers as Eddie and Christopher watch from outside.
Then they're allowed in again, and Eddie is hard-pressed not to kiss Buck when he finally sees him alive and moving and staring at them like they're his world.
“You're home,” Buck breathes, awed and hopeful.
Later, there will be more said. Later, there will be ‘I love yous' and conversations about moving. Later, they'll talk about being open to each other. About using words.
But for now, he smiles and says, “We're home.”
And Buck's smile has never been more gorgeous.