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December had been a tough month. Noah had struggled with a bad case of the flu. His lungs had been delicate since birth, something connected to his being born prematurely. She’d done everything she could, but days before Christmas, he’d wound up in the hospital.
It broke her heart. She’d hoped to give him a good Christmas—the first one where he’d actually have some understanding of what was going on. She hadn’t wanted to spend it in the hospital.
Much of her time was spent pacing the room when she wasn’t working a case. She’d managed to use some of her vacation time to allow her to be with Noah all day. It wasn’t perfect, but it was all she could do.
Olivia held her sniffling toddler, trying to summon up a smile for him when ‘Santa’ came in with presents. One of the nurses had told her the hospital had someone coming to give little gifts to all the kids in the pediatric unit. “Look, Noah. Someone’s here to see you.”
Santa stared at them. He hadn’t moved since stepping into the room. He finally shook his head and seemed to collect himself. “Merry Christmas, Noah.”
It was Olivia’s turn to freeze. She tightened her arms around Noah. Her gaze darted up to the costumed man who had very familiar blue eyes.
This was definitely not how she’d expected to see him again. She was a complete mess from spending the past few days at the hospital. She’d been practically falling apart at the seams.
“Noah?” She got her son’s attention, choosing to focus on him. “Santa’s here, baby.”
Noah finally glanced in Elliot’s direction. He managed a weak smile when ‘Santa’ held out a soft rabbit plushie to him. He immediately cuddled it in his arms. “Tank you.”
“Merry Christmas.” Elliot choked the words out. His eyes were filled with both questions and tears. “Can we…?”
“He’ll sleep for a few hours once I put him down. Why don’t you come back in ten minutes or so?” Olivia tried to squash the little kernel of hope in her heart.
“I’ll bring you coffee and something to eat.” Elliot gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “I promise I’ll explain. I’ll come back, and I’ll explain everything.”
Part of her wanted to scream at him. Olivia didn’t trust his promises when he’d abandoned her for over two years. She swallowed down her anger and nodded. Her heart had never truly let go of Elliot Stabler, so she wanted answers more than she needed to rage at him. They were forever connected by the gift he’d given her before he’d vanished.
Some days, Olivia wondered if she’d have made a different decision if she’d known he would disappear from her life. Hindsight offered a lot more options than she’d had at the time. Looking back on the past couple of years, she had no regrets outside of wishing Elliot had been there.
Olivia gently rocked Noah to sleep and carefully placed him on the bed. She covered him with the blanket she’d brought from home. Her gaze darted frequently to the door, wishing for it to open. He’ll be back. He said he would.
It was hard not to think about the time when Elliot hadn’t come back. The painful silence. The unanswered messages. It had left scars on her heart. Ones that would take time to heal.
Elliot returned faster than she’d expected. Noah was already deeply asleep. He handed her a cup of coffee and a bag before going to check on the sleeping toddler. He set a bag down by the door, which held his Santa costume and beard. “He’s perfect, Liv.”
“I tried to reach out to you.”
“I never got the messages. I…there were no missed calls or messages on my phone.” Elliot held up a hand when she went to argue with him. “I have no doubts you left them, but I was…not in a good place after the shooting. I spent some time in an inpatient rehab without my phone. When I came out, Kathy said you’d changed your mind and didn’t want to speak to me, so I tried to respect your wishes. It took me a year to get sober and clean…she left me. The kids aren’t talking to her at the moment. Their choice…not mine. I was planning to reach out to you after the holidays; I never expected to see you here.”
“Elliot.”
“I have no expectations, Liv. None. I’m sorry. And if you’ll let me, I’d like to be in your life—and in Noah’s.” He spoke so earnestly, clearly not wanting her to feel pressured.
Olivia set her coffee and sandwich down, glancing briefly at her…their…son. “He knows who you are. I’ve shown him pictures. He’ll recognize you since you’ve de-santa’d yourself.”
“That’s more than I deserve.”
“You’re here now, right?”
“I am.” Elliot moved to sit in the chair next to hers. “If you’ll let me, I’ll do my best to earn your forgiveness.”
“El.”
“I hurt you. I missed two years out of his life.” Elliot hesitated before looping his arm around her shoulders and drawing her into him. “You deserve a healthy dose of groveling from me.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I knew what the plan was. We’d talked. I gave…I knew this was a possibility.” Elliot stumbled over his words. “I’m just so fucking sorry, Liv.”
“I won’t say it’s okay—but I do understand.” She didn’t want to dwell too long on who had deleted those messages. What would the point be? “We’ll take it slow.”
“As slow as you need.” Elliot was quick to agree. He took her hands in his and lifted them up to kiss her knuckles. “Just give me a chance. I promise I won’t let either of you down.”
“I believe you.”
And she did.
They were both stubborn that way. Olivia felt some of the ice around her heart melt bit by bit. He kept a hold of her hand, and she enjoyed the comfort of his touch.
Maybe things were going to work out.
Maybe, just maybe, she could have her happily ever after.
Noah sat up slowly in bed. He glanced over at Olivia with a smile, and then his eyes went wide when he noticed Elliot. “Daddy.”
Olivia cleared her throat a few times at the raw emotion on Elliot’s face. “That’s right, sweet boy. Your daddy is here.”
“Santa broughted him for me.” Noah cheered before coughing a few times.
After getting a nod of approval from Olivia, Elliot made his way over to the bed. He gave Noah the gentlest of hugs. Father and son talked quietly to each other.
Olivia sat back in her chair. She grabbed her sandwich and went back to eating. It had been a long time coming, but she thought maybe they’d received their own Christmas miracle. Merry Christmas to us. Here’s to a happy new year.