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this is why we can't have nice things

Summary:

The next day, Viktor burst into the lab, his usually calm demeanor replaced with uncharacteristic agitation. He slammed the door behind him, causing Jayce to jump and nearly knock over a precarious stack of blueprints.

“Jayce Talis,” Viktor began, his voice sharp. “Care to explain why everyone I have encountered today seems to think we are married?”

Jayce froze, blinking owlishly. “Wait, what?”

 

(Or, Jayce accidentally convinces all of Piltover that he and Viktor are married because of a single document)

Notes:

this idea popped into my head and i cackled and decided why not? and cranked (ha) this out in about 30 minutes.
this is crack treated so seriously it's basically not even crack anymore

enjoy <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Jayce sat at his cluttered desk, scribbling down notes for the latest progress report to the Council. The deadline loomed, and with it, the inevitable grilling by Heimerdinger about their "reckless pursuit of progress." Jayce sighed, glancing over at Viktor, who was hunched over his own workstation, meticulously tinkering with some intricate piece of equipment.

“Hey, Viktor,” Jayce began, tapping his pen against the report. “What’s your last name?”

Viktor didn’t look up from his work. “Why do you need it?”

“It’s for the report. I need to put both of our full names on it,” Jayce explained.

Viktor paused, his tool hovering over the delicate gears. After a moment, he set it down and straightened, his expression thoughtful. “I... honestly do not remember.”

Jayce blinked. He wasn’t sure he heard that correctly.  “You don’t remember your own last name?”

“My life as a child was complicated.” Viktor’s tone was even, but there was a note of finality to it that discouraged further probing.

Jayce frowned, the gears in his head turning. “Alright, we’ll just leave it blank, then.”

Viktor nodded and returned to his work without another word. Satisfied, Jayce went back to the report, but the blank space where Viktor’s last name should go gnawed at him. After a moment of deliberation, he grinned and scrawled “Viktor & Jayce Talis” into the box. It was just for the Council, after all. 

No harm in a little joke, right?

Wrong.

The next day, Viktor burst into the lab, his usually calm demeanor replaced with uncharacteristic agitation. He slammed the door behind him, causing Jayce to jump and nearly knock over a precarious stack of blueprints.

“Jayce Talis,” Viktor began, his voice sharp. “Care to explain why everyone I have encountered today seems to think we are married?”

Jayce froze, blinking owlishly. “Wait, what?”

“I have been congratulated no less than five times this morning,” Viktor said, gesturing wildly with his hand not holding onto his cane. “One shopkeeper offered us a honeymoon discount. Another suggested I purchase matching rings. I demand an explanation.”

Jayce’s mind raced as he tried to connect the dots. Then, like a thunderbolt, realization struck. “Oh… no,” he muttered.

Viktor’s eyes narrowed. “Oh no?”

“It’s the report,” Jayce confessed, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know what to put for your last name, so I just wrote ‘Viktor & Jayce Talis.’ It was supposed to be a joke! I figured since you enrolled here everyone already knew you didn’t have a last name!”

Viktor stared at him, his expression a mix of disbelief and exasperation. “A joke? Jayce, the Council received that report. Do you understand what this means?”

Jayce shrugged helplessly. “That we’re efficient co-workers with a great sense of humor?”

“That half of Piltover now believes we are married!” Viktor snapped.

Jayce winced. “Okay, yeah, that’s bad. But how did it spread so fast?”

“One of the Council assistants asked about the report at breakfast,” Viktor explained. “I clarified nothing, assuming it was a misunderstanding. It seems they took my silence as confirmation.”

Jayce groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Alright, I’ll fix this. I’ll explain it was a mistake.”

“You had better,” Viktor said, his tone icy. He turned to leave but paused at the door. “And Jayce? No more jokes.”

Fixing it, as it turned out, was easier said than done. By lunchtime, the rumor had snowballed into a full-blown narrative. The “news” had reached the Hextech mechanics, the academy students, and even a group of enforcers, one of whom had congratulated Jayce in the street.

“How do I put this genie back in the bottle?” Jayce muttered to himself, pacing the lab. Viktor was at his station, steadfastly ignoring him, but raised an eyebrow at his choice of idiom.

“You could start by retracting the report,” Viktor suggested without looking up.

“I’d have to admit to the Council that I filed a joke as an official document ,” Jayce said. “Do you know how much trouble that would cause?”

“Perhaps you should have considered that before being childish,” Viktor replied dryly.

Jayce sighed, rubbing his temples. “I’ll go talk to Heimerdinger. Maybe he can help smooth things over.”

Heimerdinger was surprisingly unhelpful. “Ah, young love! It’s wonderful to see such companionship among my students,” he said, his whiskers twitching with delight.

“Professor, we’re not actually—” Jayce began, but Heimerdinger waved him off.

“No need to be shy, my boy. Your partnership has always been extraordinary, and this is simply the next logical step. Now, about your next presentation…”

Jayce left the office more stressed than when he’d entered. The misunderstanding had not only solidified but was now endorsed by one of Piltover’s most respected figures.

By the end of the day, Jayce returned to the lab defeated. Viktor glanced up from his work, raising an eyebrow.

“How did it go?”

“Heimerdinger thinks it’s ‘young love,’” Jayce muttered, flopping into his chair. “I’m starting to think this might just be our reality now.”

Viktor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Then we must take drastic measures.”

Jayce sat up. “Like what?”

“We could release a public statement denying it,” Viktor suggested.

“Or,” Jayce said, grinning, “we could lean into it.”

Viktor stared at him, his eyes narrowed slightly. “Explain.”

“Think about it,” Jayce said, gesturing animatedly. “People already think we’re married. We’d get fewer questions about our working relationship, and maybe they’d stop asking about your last name.”

Viktor’s expression was unreadable as he considered this. His face flushed slightly. Finally, he shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

Jayce chuckled. “Alright, fine. But I’m just saying, it’s not the worst idea I’ve had.”

Viktor’s only response was a deadpan stare.

Despite their best efforts, the rumor persisted, and within a week, Jayce found himself standing awkwardly in front of a group of Hextech investors, fielding questions about their supposed “unified vision” as a married couple.

“We’re… very unified,” Jayce said, his smile strained. Beside him, Viktor’s expression was a mask of polite neutrality, but Jayce could feel the judgment radiating off him. He would never live this one down.

Later, as they returned to the lab, Jayce sighed. “You know, for all the chaos this has caused, it’s kind of nice that people think we’re close.”

Viktor glanced at him, his gaze softening ever so slightly. “Perhaps. But next time, Jayce, just ask me before you put something in a report.”

Jayce grinned. “Deal.”

Notes:

this would be a story they tell at their actual wedding