Chapter Text
“How was it?”
Not quite that much bite perhaps?
“So, how’d it go?”
It sounded like she was inquiring about a date.
“How was last night?”
Even worse, and not to mention her horrific attempts at a smile. For Salazar’s sake, she was a Slytherin! Putting on a mask was supposed to come naturally.
“This is all your fault” Andromeda fixed the stationary photograph of her late husband she had taped to the edge of her mirror. Ted simply looked at her, with a twinkle in his dark eyes that managed to sneak its way even onto camera film, his easy smile in place. The smile that had lured her in the first time, the smile that had fooled her into ‘opening her heart for kindness’, of all things. The smile Dora, in the magical photo below his, successfully replicated like she had in life, knowing it tugged directly at her mother’s heartstrings.
Blasted Hufflepuffs.
She looked back at her reflection in the mirror and decided against subjecting herself to more pathetic attempts at self-preservation. Her sister would see right through her anyway. She would ask, because it had been Andromeda herself who had got it into Narcissa’s mind that one had to talk about one’s issues. Narcissa had taken that and run with it. Which was great, honestly, except Andromeda had meant it for her sister only, not for herself.
Another bloody Hufflepuff thing to do, talking about emotions.
Andromeda decided she was done with Hufflepuffs and their obtrusive traits. She turned her back on the mirror, stepping up to her wardrobe to change into a set of plain green robes, casual enough to try and sell to her sister she was in a hurry to get to Diagon Alley with Teddy. Hopefully, this would be an efficient way to escape the Cissa-rrogation.
She finished the coffee she had been in dire need for after a night of tossing and turning in bed (trying not to imagine what other people might be doing in their beds) and made a weak attempt to get her hair to behave. She was not successful. What she managed was to turn it from looking like a bird’s nest to something resembling a pile of kindling for a fire. She turned away from the mirror once again, wondering how on earth Ted managed to manipulate a Muggle photograph to portray him as teasingly light-hearted one moment, and gleefully smirking the next.
One of these days, she promised herself, as she always did, she would take down that picture and shove it in her memory box full of things from him. That plan was pending, eight years and counting. The bedroom door slammed in her wake and her footsteps thundered down the stairs. She slipped on a crayon and nearly fell to what would have undoubtedly been a broken hip. Age did not go well with bone flexibility.
Somehow making it to the first floor without utter demolishment of bodily structures, Andromeda weighed the pros and cons of Apparition. She could easily use the Floo and annoy her sister to no end by kicking soot on her precious Persian carpet and generally just showing up in her drawing room unannounced.
Then again, she needed outside attire for the Diagon Alley excuse. Muttering under her breath about her own inability to lie – while realising she was essentially talking to herself – Andromeda progressed towards the front door and grabbed a thick cloak from the hanger. Fastening it around her neck, she stepped into a worn pair of boots and braced for encountering the cold.
Yep. The moment the door opened, a strong gust of wind attacked, winter jabbing its way into her home before she stepped out and closed the door of the cottage. Snow had already settled well into the yard, clumping here and there around trees and decorative figures she had placed for Teddy’s amusement. It still squeaked beneath her feet, a sign it had continued to snow all through the night after gently easing in on Friday and coming down harder yesterday. Andromeda had briefly wondered how strong of an Impervius Charm one might need to keep a whole wedding dry before scolding herself and returning to her book.
She never did get around to gathering enough focus to understand another word of what she read.
Bowing her head against the icy wind, Andromeda hurriedly strode across the yard to the small gate, overcoming the wards on foot because she couldn’t be bothered to strain to Apparate through them right now. The moment she was out, she drew her wand and turned on the spot, picturing herself standing before the gates of Malfoy Manor. The nauseating sensation of Apparition took over a split second later.
The iron gate opened for her before she had even fully materialized. Which she was grateful for because the cold reached sharp teeth to bite at every inch of exposed skin she showed. Even more snow had accumulated here, and Andromeda had the honour of treading through it first, apparently. Why was the path so bloody long? Surely, this was inconvenient for guests and the like.
Rich people, she huffed, her breath twirling in the form of steam before her, hitting her cheeks and moistening them.
At least Lucius’ peacocks had died out, the last kicking the bucket on Narcissa’s birthday this year. Andromeda hoped her sister’s love for her husband might soon fizzle out like the bedraggled chickens he’d left her with while serving a twenty-five-year sentence in Azkaban. Either that or him dying in there. She dreaded the day the imbecile might come home and renew his attempts to make a good life for himself, poisoning Narcissa and Draco in the process. In the meantime, Andromeda was going to double her own conviction to get Narcissa to simply divorce him and sell her half of the manor.
Finally getting to the front doors after what felt like an eternity, Andromeda did not bother with knocking and simply let herself in, trying to banish the cold clinging to her with a shrug.
“Dromeda?”
“Were you expecting someone else?” Andromeda called out in response to her sister, more for the thrill of ruffling her feathers than anything else. Because she was not in a bad mood today and everything was great. Sunshine and daisies.
“Gran!”
The joyful shout drew a wider smile from Andromeda than imagining her sister’s eye roll at her snarky tone. Two little feet – admittedly not so little anymore – made a ruckus fit for a whole herd of elephants. Soon, a blonde head attached to a slim body zoomed out of a room on the first floor, heading for Andromeda at breakneck speed. The closer he came, the more her grandson’s features changed: his sleek blonde strands turned into unruly brown curls, his face rounded out, his eyes darkened to a twinkling brown.
Teddy still adapted to his surroundings, imitating whoever was taking care of him at any given moment. Only when he slept did his cheeks puff out and his hair fall flat, a fringe obscuring his forehead. He pursed his lips the exact same way Dora had. Andromeda had made it a point to not visit his room more than necessary while he slept, grateful for him growing out of needing her throughout the night.
“Careful there, Teddy, we don’t want to slip on this polished wood, do we?”
She took him in her arms and twirled him around. By the time she faced the corridor again, Narcissa had shown up, arms crossed, evidently unhappy with being mocked. Well, she could suck it up. Andromeda was still milking the disownment thing even though her sister had offered her the Black name once again. As it happened, with everyone around them dying, little Cissy was now the sole heiress of the Black fortune. Perhaps she shared it with Great-Aunt Aquila, but the woman hadn’t been seen since the First War. Either she’d fled the country, or Bellatrix had finished her off to ensure the title of heiress for herself.
“You’re up early” Narcissa remarked, stalking closer but holding off the bite for Teddy’s sake.
“Not everyone has the luxury of lazing around an enormous manor, Cissy” her grandson’s presence posed no hindrance to Andromeda. “We have things to do down at Diagon. I trust this little mister was a perfectly behaved gentleman last night?”
“Diagon Alley in this weather?” Narcissa raised an eyebrow briefly but continued. “As for last night, the wedding did not take place, didn’t you hear?”
Andromeda was thankful she had let go of Teddy. She would otherwise have dropped him.
“What?” she blinked at her sister, certain she had heard wrong. This had to be her sleep-deprived brain at work.
“Teddy,” Narcissa turned to the little boy whose hair flashed blonde again, “why don’t you go upstairs and see if Scorpius is awake already. Tell him we made breakfast.”
“Will do! See you, Gran!” Teddy bounded off, sending air kisses over his shoulder. Narcissa straightened up, eyeing her critically.
“I kept him here so he could play with Scorpius, you know he enjoys being the big cousin. And to give you a day for taking care of yourself, for a change” Narcissa’s eyes narrowed. “Although it doesn’t look like you used it right.”
Andromeda took great care in contorting her face just so, to let her sister know her comments were not appreciated.
“Come in for a cup of tea? The children should eat before you leave, anyway.”
Narcissa did not provide her with the opportunity to decline. Andromeda gave in, curiosity getting the better of her, and followed after her sister through the manor’s long corridor. Renovated as it was, with nearly the entire first floor demolished and rebuilt again, she still felt uneasy walking those floors. She wondered how her sister was coping.
One of the many novelties – a breakthrough in Pureblood estate interior design – was the presence of an actual kitchen in the living quarters instead of below the ground. A rich breakfast was laid out on the table, and even though Andromeda knew it had been prepared by a House-Elf despite her sister’s implication she’d cooked, it brought a sense of comfort to sit down and nurse a cup of tea while Narcissa took out cutlery.
“Are you sure you don’t want some coffee, actually?” her sister sat opposite her, eyeing what Andromeda knew were rather pronounced circles beneath her eyes.
“I had some at home” she hummed, not indulging the topic of her lack of sleep any further. She also attempted to not allow herself to venture in the dangerous direction of inquiring about what her sister had said. “Did Teddy and Scorpius give you a hard time yesterday?”
“You couldn’t tell they were here” Narcissa waved a hand. “That colouring book Teddy has was the highlight of their evening.”
Ah, Charlie Weasley’s present. The dragons adorning the pages moved when colour filled in the outlines.
“If only he was such a fan of playing quietly at home too.”
“By Salazar, since when are you one to beat around the bush?” Narcissa exclaimed rather impatiently. Talk about behaving out of character. Andromeda wasn’t certain whether it was a blessing or a curse, the way her sister allowed herself to be this open around her.
“Are you snooping around in my mind again?”
“I hardly need to” Narcissa remarked drily. “Although you are tempting me with how tight-lipped you are being about this would-have-been wedding.”
Andromeda’s fingers tightened around the handle of her cup, and she set it down on the saucer rather hard.
“I told you I was feeling unwell and asked you if it would inconvenience you to watch Teddy so he didn’t miss out” she countered her sister’s accusation. “And, if you must know, I did send a letter to offer my congratulations to the couple and excuse my absence. I suppose I shouldn’t have placed the carriage before the Abraxans.”
She did not ask. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. And Narcissa shook her head, giving her a thoughtful look over the rim of her teacup as if contemplating whether to continue the subject.
“No, I suppose you shouldn’t have, although no one could have predicted this happening.”
Andromeda seethed, trying to remain composed on the outside. Her sister was throwing her scraps, waiting to see if she would take the bait. Not very sisterly of her.
“Does it have any kick?”
Narcissa merely raised her eyebrow.
“Tormenting other people.”
“A guilty pleasure I partake in only where you are concerned” Narcissa assured her with a smirk before her expression turned rather solemn. “The truth is, it’s a runaway bride type of situation.”
Andromeda’s stomach lurched unpleasantly as her vision swam. She did not reach for her cup, rather shoved her trembling hands out of sight, gripping the edge of her seat.
“Miss Granger is missing?”
Narcissa did not comment on her choice of reference to the younger woman. Andromeda was thankful for that, considering she couldn’t bring herself to say it – the name.
“That is not what they wrote in the letters they sent out to guests yesterday afternoon. But Draco heard from Pansy Parkinson that Miss Granger did not make it to her appointment at the boutique.”
Andromeda felt one of her nails chip against the hard wood of the chair. She mildly acknowledged the brief stab of pain.
“They’ve apparently been looking for her in every nook and cranny since yesterday, but I don’t know anything else” Narcissa concluded, peering at her with furrowed brows. “Are you all right?”
Her sister’s words were somehow muffled. Andromeda felt like she was submerged in water: it was an effort to fill her lungs with air, and her ears were clogged with pressure; her heart thumped in her chest, out of rhythm, every beat feeling like it made contact with her ribcage.
“Dromeda? Dromeda, you’re pale, do you need-”
She hadn’t registered her sister moving, she barely felt the cool touch examining her forehead and pressing a Diagnostic Charm against her collarbone. Her body felt numb, the corners of her vision fading into darkness.
“Panic attack – Dromeda, I need you to get down to the ground, come on.”
She felt her body slip out of her chair and land on the hardwood floor. Hands pressed her palms flat against the floorboards and then moved perhaps to another part of her body, but she was incapable of feeling where. Her sister’s face floated before her, blurry and blending in at the edges with the furniture behind her.
Remember to breathe.
The whisper in her mind made her aware of her growing need for oxygen. She opened her mouth and gasped in a load of air which she released in a shaky manner.
Good. Keep doing that.
A wave of comfort gently swept her mind, leaving warmth in its wake and working through the haphazardly stacked walls to release the feelings inside her once again.
Concentrate on a breathing pattern and stick to it. Flex your fingers, your toes. Blink a couple times. Try to hear my voice.
I can hear your voice, was the first coherent thought Andromeda had before she realised what her sister meant. She then carried out the other instructions, one by one, until her vision focused enough for her to see Narcissa’s face clearly. The lips were moving. Andromeda counted her breaths in her mind, inhaling slow and exhaling even slower. Stranded syllables tumbled into her ears, piecing themselves together slowly. Her name.
“Andromeda. Andromeda, can you hear me? Nod if you can. Don’t try to talk yet.”
It took her another couple dozens of breaths to fully grasp the meaning of those words. Then, trying to get a feel of having control over all her muscles again, she slowly moved her head down, then up again.
“Good. Tell me if you can feel this.”
Something cold touched her cheek, making her instinctively flinch away.
“Sorry. But shock helps bring one back to the present.”
Andromeda frowned at her sister Banishing an ice cube from her hand.
“Could’ve just slapped me” she muttered, her voice weak.
“I don’t make a habit of abusing my patients” Narcissa made to sound displeased, but concern clung to her voice. “Are you okay to stand up?”
“Of course I am” Andromeda hurried to demonstrate. She might have needed some additional help to keep her balance, but Narcissa provided without making her ask for it. Andromeda flashed her a grateful smile and pulled away, leaning on the back of her chair for support. “I’m fine, see? Good as new. Neat Legilimency there, by the way.”
Narcissa’s look plainly told her she wouldn’t be let off the hook just like that.
“Do you have them often?”
Panic attack. Of all the things…
“No, of course not” she readily told the truth. She could tell Narcissa did not believe her. “If I did, I would have sought help. I’m not this obstinate, you know.”
Her sister made a face. Apparently, she did not know.
“What brought it on now?” Narcissa asked with the Healer tone. Andromeda recognised it from using it often herself. She was not a fan of the idea of becoming her sister’s patient.
“It’s nothing, really, probably the lack of sleep – or the sickness acting up.”
She tried for a grin. Still not too lucky.
“The mysterious sickness which manifested conveniently close to a wedding you clearly did not want to go to?” Narcissa raised an eyebrow. Andromeda thought she’d tied this up with her excuse rather flawlessly, thank you very much.
“You’re a doll for understanding” she winked which seemed to aggravate her sister even more. “Would you like to play nanny for a couple more hours while I go take my medication?”
“I can have Teddy over for a couple days until you feel better” Narcissa offered.
“Now, don’t be ridiculous” Andromeda’s tone hardened. “I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own grandson.”
“How about taking care of yourself?”
Andromeda chose to ignore that, taking her cup to finish the tea inside.
“Mind if I use your Floo?”
“I was not letting you Apparate in this state anyway.”
Andromeda blew a raspberry before leaving the kitchen to head over to the drawing room a few doors away. There was nothing wrong with the state she was in. Besides, wasn’t Narcissa supposed to be the baby sister? Who took care of whom now? Blatantly ignoring the majority of the room despite the fact it looked nothing like what it had been during the war, Andromeda walked directly to the fireplace, taking a pinch of Floo Powder and stepping inside, kicking a copious amount of soot out before saying her destination.
She tumbled out into her own living room on the other end, the bravado she had displayed in front of her sister leaving her the moment she had both feet on the hearth. The coffee and tea were next, going the way they’d come. The upside-down rug which already sported a wine stain hidden against the floor, was now soaked in a pool of vomit.
“Evanesco” Andromeda waved a hand. It was clean in a second. She pressed a palm to her forehead, using the other to wipe her mouth. Summoning a glass of water because she wouldn’t make it out of the bathroom anytime soon if she went to clean up in there, she took a careful sip and used the rest to sprinkle on her face. A hysterical laugh tore through her when the droplet hit her face. The absurdity of it – the timing-
Salazar.
She was a mess.
Normally, she was capable of reining in her emotions – she was not stupid enough to wear her heart on her sleeve. But, to hear it being thrown in so casually, so unexpectedly, after decades of wondering, it – it came down harder than anticipated.
She’d had years to make herself believe it had been a dream. A lapse in the flow of time. A hallucination her mind had conjured as a coping mechanism in the aftermath of her fallout with her parents. Any plausible explanation which enabled her to ignore it and suppress her blasted feelings.
She had only ever succeeded in labelling it an accident. It obviously stemmed from a mistake. The first time she had referred to it as ‘the accident’ in front of Ted, he had paused in chopping up onions and had come over to wrap her in a hug and plead with her to never call it that again. Then, the dam had broken, and he had wiped her tears with onion-smelling fingers, succeeding only in making her cry more. They’d ended up ordering food that evening. Pizza with fries. An unlikely combination neither of them would ever have thought to try in the first place.
Lost in memories resurfacing that she had long since tried to bury so deep even she wouldn’t be able to find them, Andromeda only registered her feet had brought her to her bedroom when she stood in front of the door. Resigned to giving in to the pull, she reached to open it and stepped inside, crossing over to the mirror.
It was floor-length, so she could see her own body in its entirety and notice – and hate – how fragile she looked, how pale still. Her eyes slid over to the photograph taped to the edge. Ted was smiling at her in a reassuring way now. Go on, love, his eyes were saying, the way his lips had when he was alive. She shook her head at him.
“Your heart was always too big” she murmured but lifted a hand nevertheless and let her finger caress his cheek on the photograph before slipping around the edge and searching for the piece of film taped there out of sight, facing the wall. She found it and easily detached it, pulling it in sight and watching the moment captured in time.
This photo was a magical one: the grass was flapping this way and that in the wind, and a cloud was slowly making its way across the frame; there were two grinning faces sticking their tongues out at the camera. It was strange seeing herself this young, this… carefree. Laughing away the sunny afternoon of her seventeenth birthday. Ted was next to her, one arm thrown around her shoulders, the other batting at her wild hair which the wind whipped in his face.
After twirling dance style in front of the camera, she and Ted stretched their arms out as if reaching for the lenses and made grabbing gestures. A moment passed, then another figure rushed into frame, throwing itself into their arms. When the group hug dissolved, the figure took her place on photo-Andromeda’s right.
It was a young woman, a bit older than her and Ted at the time, not that she looked it. Her curls were less pronounced and better tamed than Andromeda’s; they were pulled into a high ponytail, tied with a little bow. Her face was strewn with freckles which were only ever this visible in the sun. Her smile was contagious, and when she leaned in to whisper something, all three of them erupted in unbridled laughter Andromeda had the impression she could hear even now.
Andromeda’s thumb swiped over the photograph and turned it face-down, resting it in her palm so she could read the inscription left in minuscule ink letters. Three different sorts of handwriting made up the marking of that memory.
Andy, Ted, and Mia ♥
The future bride, groom, and maid of honour (she said yes!)
Let it be known they smeared my face with cake after taking the photo :/
A lone tear landed near the little heart Mia had drawn upon adding her piece.