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Dr. Jiminy: So Bruno.
Bruno: So, Jiminy.
Dr. Jiminy: Are all ten of those kids really yours? I mean, I know the newest three are adopted but—
Bruno *immediately playing* What do you mean? Of course my children are mine.
Dr. Jiminy: But they don’t really look like you—
Bruno: That’s because they look like their mother—
Dr. Jiminy: But they don’t really look like each other either. Now, that can be explained away with your adoptive children—
Bruno: What adoptive children? All ten of my children are my biological children.
Dr. Jiminy *sputters* Lying is bad, you know—
Bruno: I’m not lying. They’re all my biological children and they’ve been in my life since they were born and I have pictures to prove it *pulls out a green wallet which a long line of pictures comes pouring out of*. See, look.
*The top picture is of Cesare from when he was about five or six dressed as a choirboy at church with his long, curly black hair in his eyes and a smile on his face*
*Camera cuts to Cesare who looks startled before cutting back to Jiminy who looks baffled*
Bruno: See, that’s my oldest, Cornel. He used to be a choir boy. He’s a teacher now—
Dr. Jiminy: But no one ever saw him until he was thirteen—
Bruno *Ignores him and points to the second photo* And see that’s my second oldest, Cornel, holding the first basket he ever made. He owns his own shop now. It’s called Encanto’s Gift Baskets and it really is such a beauty.
*The picture shows a four or five year old Cornel holding a badly made, but functioning, basket smiling a big nearly toothless grin*
The audience: Awwwwwww.
Dr. Jiminy: But why—
Bruno *talking faster now as he points to the third picture, desperate to not let Jiminy get a word in* There’s my third oldest, Cyriacus, not long after the accident that took his eyesight. Look at him. Isn’t he precious ? He’s a small-time actor but I’m sure he’ll make it big soon.
*The photo shows a six year old Cyriacus with bandaged eyes beaming at the camera while holding a painting he’d made of Cesare on his first date before it happened*
Bruno: Then there’s a picture of my next two niños—Richard and Claudine. They’re in a band called ‘The Bad Apples’. They’ve always loved music.
*The photo shows a four year old Rick with his black hair sticking up everywhere as he beats on pots and pans with a pair of spoons and a little two year old Claudine in a raincoat blowing into a jug. Her stuffed lamb in her lap*
Dr. Jiminy: That’s all well and good but—
Alma Madrigal: Will you stop harassing my hijo? How can you be so shameful as to harass a poor grieving widower using his ten beautiful children who he’s raised all by himself?
Dr. Jiminy *frustrated* How do we even know he IS a widower? No one’s ever seen his wife—
Alma, raising her voice as the audience gasps: That’s because she died giving birth to his younger, Gigi. It’s a very sore subject.
Dr. Jiminy: What was her name then? What did she like to do—
Alma *deadass serious despite the fact she’s lying through her teeth* Jolucidelilassandra Doethel. She was a librarian and a drama teacher at the school and she met my son when he was going on a tour with his sobrina Dolores. Her death was unexpected and tragic as she was very dear to our family. Are you satisfied now?
The crowd: Booooooooo!
Random audience member 1: Shame on you, Dr. Jiminy!
Random audience member 2: What kind of doctor are you?!
Random audience member 3: Get off the stage!
Random audience member 4: I wanna see more of this guy’s kids!
Random audience member 5: YOU STINK!
Dr. Jiminy *sputters and stammers* Well, I, you see—they’re manipulating you.
Alma *puts to use the acting skills her parents taught her and raises her nose, looking offended* I’m just an innocent old woman who’s just defending her hijo and his niños. What reason would we have to manipulate any of them? If anyone is manipulating the people in this audience, it is you.
*The booing gets louder before the camera turns off*
*The camera turns back on and Jiminy is nowhere to be seen. Instead, it’s just Bruno showing more and more pictures*
Bruno: This one is my middle child, Rachel. She’s a student at Auradon Prep and she’s amazing at sewing, just like prima Mirabel. She loves making things for the familia.
*A two year old Rachel can be seen sewing in Mirabel’s lap wearing a pink bonnet*
Bruno: Then there’s my twins, Mason and Glenn. They’re pirates right now—it’s a big thing with their friends—and they’re very popular. I can hardly believe it!
*The photo showed a pair of one year olds—one wearing a flower pot on his head as he played in the dirt and one wearing a fishbowl on his head as he tried to chew on a stuffed star*
Bruno: And second to last, there’s my son Rory. He’s as shy as I am—maybe even shier! He wants to be a vet or an animal groomer when he grows up.
*The camera zooms in to reveal a baby staring at the camera. It’s tiny hand holding up a red top hat that was partially covering his face. Laughing and trying to push a pug off of him with another*
Bruno: And finally there’s my youngest, Gigi. She’s about ten months younger than Rory and she runs this newspaper on the isle now that the barrier is gone, and she has her very own Auratube Channel—
*The last photo shows a baby with black curls wearing glasses that are very clearly far too big for her, laughing as she reached for the camera*
Bruno: I love all of them so much. They’re the best things that ever happened to me and— *chokes up* and their mother would be oh so proud of them.
*Another photo pops out, looking different from the rest. It showed a woman with tan skin and big greenish blue eyes with red and blonde hair up in a bun wearing a beautiful traditional colombian wedding dress. She was hand in hand with a man in a suit who had Bruno’s face taped over it* Bruno *sighs, looking wishful* I only wish I looked better on our wedding day so I didn’t have to tape this photo of me on it. She looks so lovely in it.
“How the fuck did he get baby photos of the twins and Gigi? He didn’t meet them till they were teenagers. They didn’t even leave the isle until they were teenagers!” Ginny screeched, causing Diego to howl with laughter.
“Rick says that Casita made those.”
“Casita can MAKE photos?! If that’s true then why does the last one look so bad?!”
“Because my dad is a troll and taped over the photo to drive anyone who kept pushing up the wall.” Rick snorted. “The best part is no one will believe them because no one ever questions if the house that can make fake paintings that shows the updated versions of the magic doors can also make fake baby pictures.”
Ginny stared at him for a moment. “Casita and your dad are unhinged.”
“Why thank you.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“I know. But to me it is.”
“I'm starting to see where you get your gremlin energy from.” Harriet drawled from where she was sitting at the ship’s bar.
Rick just smirked. “I learned from the best!”
Mad Maddy rolled her eyes as she came up beside him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on her boyfriend's shoulder. "That's my little shit."