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He knew that look in her eyes. He hadn’t seen many other ones in the last several years. There’d been glimmers of hope. Hope that they could really be happy and recapture the rightness they'd once found for a few magical months at the beginning of their relationship— that they could still go on to have a proper family.
But that wasn’t going to happen. He knew it in his gut and had for a long time. He’d felt the slightest bit of hope today when he’d looked out into the crowd and saw her. But her terse niceties and obvious desire to brush off his attempts at an olive branch shut down that train of thought. He’d probably still stay up just in case she called, even if he knew there was likely no use. But what else did he have to do? To aim for?
“Hey, stranger. Remember me?” a familiar voice, one he hadn’t heard in close to a decade made him whip around.
“Lucy Knight,” he smiled, amazement in his tone and evident on his face.
“Dr. Lucy Knight now,” she corrected him with a smirk. He hadn’t noticed her in the audience, and now he knew why. Her hair was a shade or two darker than he remembered, and she was dressed more formally than he’d ever seen. But more than that, now she stood with confidence she hadn’t possessed when she was still his student. But her smile was still just as wide and her eyes just as blue.
“Well, whatever you’re called, you look fantastic,” he said, a bit surprised at himself for the nerves unticking in his stomach as the entirely innocent greeting tumbled past his lips. He leaned forward for a small hug. “So I take it San Francisco’s been treating you well?”
“Definitely! I’ve really enjoyed my time there. It’s a beautiful city. I’ve learned a lot. Psych attending now,” she shared with a humble tilt of her head as they pulled away from each other.
“Wow,” he shook his head. He was beyond proud.
“Couldn’t have done it without you,” she replied.
“Nah, we both know that’s not true,” he smiled ruefully. “And not that I’m not happy to see you and have you here, but what are you doing in Chicago? You didn't fly out just for this?”
“No, no, I didn't,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m here interviewing and Elizabeth told me about all this. It's a really amazing thing you’re doing here, Carter.” He could hear the honesty in her voice— the tinge of sympathy.
“John,” he corrected her. “You barely kept from calling me that before, no need to strain yourself now,” he said with a knowing look. “But thank you.” He paused for just a second. “Well, uh, speaking of Elizabeth, I think some of us are going out for drinks. Join us?” He raised his thumb in a vague point towards the door.
“Oh, I don’t wanna intrude,” she shook her head, expression still lighthearted.
“You wouldn’t be. I want you to come,” he said sincerely. Possibly more sincerely than appropriate. He tried to dodge the look she was starting to give him and the question in it by continuing to ramble. “You know most of the people, anyway. I’m sure they’d all be as happy to get to see you as I am. And if you need a ride, it’s no trouble on my part.” He couldn’t avoid the expression he found in her eyes then. She was seeing right through him. And she was clearly not certain what to make of the nervousness he’d suddenly developed, seemingly developing the further they spoke. His voice hadn’t shaken much at all during his speech in front of a room full of people, but now he was teetering on becoming a bumbling fool in front of her. He felt like that clumsy med student he'd once been— a version of him she'd missed out on by the time she'd first arrived at County.
“Okay,” she finally replied with a nod. He breathed a tiny sigh of relief, quiet enough so she wouldn’t notice. What was wrong with him?
“Great,” he declared, clasping his hands together. “So! Interviewing. You said you were here for an interview. Not County, is it?” he asked, surprised at the idea of her coming back. And maybe, strangely, a little excited at the prospect.
“Maybe,” she shrugged. “I have missed this place. And it’s closer to my mom. But it's not the only place I’m considering.”
“Well, if the position at County doesn’t work out, and you’re still set on Chicago, this place is rather new. Could certainly use your expertise.”
“Are you seriously offering me a job?” Her brows shot up past her fringe. He shrugged a shoulder.
“Just thinking out loud. But it’s true. If you'd be interested. Just let me know after you’ve done all your interviews.” He put both hands in his pockets as they started to slowly make their way toward the exit. He wasn’t even sure if she was planning to take his offer about the ride. He also wasn’t sure if they would need her at the foundation, but in his mind, he certainly could see benefits to having her around.
“You’re just one big surprise, aren’t you John Carter?” Her eyes were sparkling when he finally made contact with them again. It made his mouth stop working for just a second.
“I’m back working at County,” he felt the need to say, pointing to himself as if he wasn’t speaking clearly enough. “At least for the time being.”
“For the time being?” she asked.
“A lot of things were sort of up in the air for me recently,” he shrugged, fighting the urge to look down at his very expensive shoes.
“Yeah?” she questioned, face contorting into an expression of genuine interest. And for some reason, that made him want to confide in her. About everything. It also made him want to hear all about the last almost ten years of her life which he'd missed.
“Yeah,” he nodded. He found himself lost in memories. But for once, not bad ones. The only label he could come up with for the strange, rusty emotion he felt as he stood beside her was simple, but had been completely missing in his life the last few years— optimism. Maybe it was the new lease on life the transplant had granted him or maybe it was the stupid, fluttery adrenaline he hadn’t felt in years. Either way, it pushed him to finally form one more coherent thought before they got to his car. His heartbeat slowed and his shoulders bowed from their previous rigid stance. His eyes softened as he caught sight of her cool, kind ones returning his gaze. “But I think maybe things could be starting to settle now.”