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It started with a case in Seattle.
Several young women had been kidnapped and murdered, their deaths all connected in due time to the same man. Not soon enough to prevent one final kidnapping, though. A young woman named Shelley had disappeared when she’d gone out on her evening jog. No witnesses, but her description matched the unsub’s type well enough that they believed her to be his latest—and hopefully last—victim.
With the rest of the BAU scattered to the wind checking out Shelley’s apartment, the park she’d been jogging at, etc., JJ was left at the police department to communicate with the local news networks and coordinate interviews with anyone close to Shelley. The only person she’d make contact with so far was her roommate, who reported her disappearance. The roommate planned on coming in that afternoon, and JJ prayed for something good to come from it. She needed Shelley to come home safe. Her stomach ended up in knots any time she thought about her turning up dead, just as it did with any other case. Nobody deserved to live their last moments in fear.
At 2:00 p.m. on the dot, a police officer escorted a woman into the room JJ was in. JJ stood up so fast, the chair she’d been sitting in nearly tipped over. “Hi, you must be Hannah?” She held out a hand for Hannah to shake. “I’m Agent Jennifer Jareau, from the BAU. We spoke on the phone earlier today about Shelley.”
Hannah sniffled, her nose stuffy from crying. Blinking back tears, she took JJ’s hand to shake. “Yep, that’s me,” she said in a shaky voice.
“It’s nice to meet you in person.” She gave Hannah a smile, then nodded to the police officer standing in the doorway, giving him permission to leave. “Here, take a seat. Can I get you anything? Water? A tissue, maybe?”
She lowered herself into the chair across from JJ’s. “Tissue, please. If that’s not too much trouble.”
JJ shook her head. “No, not at all. Here.” She reached into her front pocket, pulling a crumpled up tissue from it. “It’s a bit mangled, but it’s clean. Promise.”
Hannah laughed. A good sign, JJ figured. Hopefully she’d be able to talk without bursting into tears. “Thanks,” she said before blowing her nose.
“Of course. And thank you for coming in. I know things must be hard right now, so we appreciate it.” JJ waited until Hannah finished wiping the snot from her nose before continuing. “You’re Shelley’s roommate, right?”
“Her girlfriend,” Hannah corrected, dropping the used tissue into the garbage can next to the desk. “But yeah, roommate’s accurate.”
JJ faltered. Nothing Garcia had found during her deep dives into Shelley indicated her being queer at all, much less having a girlfriend. Not that there was anything wrong with that, of course. She wasn’t judging! Why on Earth would she judge, or ruminate on the fact that Shelley hadn’t seemed like the type to be queer. Not that being queer always had a look. She just resembled JJ in a way, when she thought about it. Garcia’s research had revealed a good, good girl who came from a small, country town a few states over where everyone knew everyone but moved to Seattle for university and career opportunities. Just like JJ with leaving her sweet little Pennsylvania town. But JJ was straight, so obviously the resemblance stopped there.
“Um… You good, Ms. Jareau?”
Hannah’s voice snapped JJ back to reality. “Sorry, sorry,” JJ quickly said, face burning from embarrassment. She cleared her throat. “I wasn’t aware Shelley was your girlfriend.”
“Yeah, we’ve… Been dating for a year now.” Hannah seemed much more reluctant to divulge information about Shelley than before. Shit. “She just prefers to keep on the down low. Family and all.”
“Oh, no, I understand that.” JJ smiled, desperate to recreate a sense of camaraderie between them. Hannah probably thought JJ was homophobic. The mere thought of someone viewing her as a bigot caused bile to rise in her throat. She was anything but. “So is she a lesbian, or…?”
If Hannah hadn’t been weirded out before, she was now. “Bisexual,” she hesitantly said. “Why does it matter…?”
Fuck. Professionalism was truly out the window now. “It doesn’t!” JJ exclaimed. “I was just… Curious.”
Curious. That was it. No judgement at all! Emily Prentiss was a raging lesbian, and they were as close as close could be, so she’d never judge anyone else for being a lesbian. Or bisexual, in this case. Same with pansexual or any other identity that involved a woman being attracted to another woman. Because it was so normal! Not for JJ, obviously, since she was as straight as straight could be. Straighter than a straight line.
“Curious,” Hannah echoed. “Right. Okay. Well, uh, if all you’re going to do is interrogate me about my girlfriend’s sexuality, I think I’m just going to-”
Just as she began to stand up, the door burst open to reveal Prentiss standing there. Breathless, she looked JJ dead in the eyes and said, “We found Shelley.”
-
Plane rides always felt better on the way home from a case, especially one with a happy ending. The atmosphere wasn’t nearly as tense as on the way to one. Time spent reviewing case files turned into time spent reading a book, or playing online Scrabble, or playing a game of Solitaire. JJ usually spent her time napping or chatting with whoever was up for it, but this time, she found herself just staring out the window, headphones on as she listened to some random playlist she’d found.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Shelley and Hannah. By the grace of God, Shelley had been found safe in the unsub’s basement. Besides some bruises and a lifetime’s worth of psychological trauma, she was unharmed, and the unsub was put away. What she truly couldn’t stop thinking about was the couple’s reunion, though.
Both were sobbing, shaking wrecks when they were back in each other’s arms. Through her tears, Hannah had looked at Shelley with such sickeningly sweet adoration, everyone within a ten mile radius developed cavities. And then they’d kissed, as though they never thought they’d see each other again, which was probably the truth. They’d held onto each other in the most loving embrace until the paramedics shuffled Shelley off to be checked out.
The case ended in the best way possible. They caught the unsub, they prevented any more casualties, and now they were going home. Besides the paperwork awaiting them back at the BAU, there’d be no reason to ruminate on this ase. So why couldn’t JJ stop?
Her thoughts wandered to Prentiss. As JJ had watched Shelley be walked off, Prentiss had snuck up behind her. “What are you staring at?” she’d asked.
JJ had nearly jumped out of her skin. “What? Oh, nothing.”
Prentiss rolled her eyes. “Your idea of ‘nothing’ is always something.”
“I promise you, I’m fine,” JJ insisted. “Just… Glad Shelley’s okay.”
Prentiss’s playful expression softened. She wrapped an arm around JJ’s waist, giving her a half-hug. “Me too.” She gave her a quick squeeze before releasing her. “I’m gonna go check on her. Meet you back at the car?”
“Will do.” JJ smiled, watching her longtime friend make her way over to the ambulance. Just as JJ turned to head back to the car herself, she’d caught Hannah staring at her. When they locked eyes, Hannah barely reacted. She smiled, then nodded, then went over to the ambulance, leaving JJ dazed and confused.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Prentiss dropping into the empty seat beside JJ’s. “Hey,” she greeted, casual as ever.
JJ flinched, hurrying to pause her music. With a small smile, she said, “Hey yourself.”
Prentiss’s calm disposition changed to a serious one in an instant. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Her smile disappeared. “What do you mean?”
“You have been off ever since I interrupted you and Hannah talking.” She reached over to give her hand a squeeze. “Talk to me, JJ,” she pleaded. “Did I do something wrong?”
Something about Prentiss’s tone tugged at JJ’s heartstrings. “You did nothing,” JJ assured her.
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s up?”
JJ tried to focus on the conversation. She tried to focus on anything but the way Prentiss gazed at her, burning holes into her skull. The way her soft skin felt, her hand a perfect fit with hers. The way her lips looked, perfectly pink and probably not chapped at all.
But she couldn’t. Focus, that is.
“I… I’m…” she stammered hopelessly. She ran her finger along the hem of her pants. “It’s… Nothing.” Nothing that mattered, anyway. If she couldn’t even put it into words, describe the aching in her chest whenever she thought about Hannah and Shelley or just Prentiss herself, it couldn’t matter that much.
Prentiss sighed. Much to JJ’s dismay, she pulled her hand away, letting it rest in her own lap. “Okay. If you say so.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You up for dinner with everyone? Rossi invited us all for dinner. Or, we invited ourselves,” she corrected with a laugh.
“Sounds nice, but… I don’t know if I’m up for it.”
“Oh come on, you love Rossi nights. We can pig out on rigatoni, share a bottle of red… You can steal some leftovers for Will and Henry, give them an easy dinner for tonight. And lunch for tomorrow,” Prentiss said. “Could probably convince Rossi to make that vodka sauce you love.”
Somehow, JJ had forgotten Will even existed until then. Henry never left her mind, but Will? How the hell could she forget about her own husband? She still needed to call him and let him know they’d wrapped up the case. Shit, shit, shit.
Maybe it was a sign she needed to spend more time with her family. Things had been fine with Will, but work schedules put their relationship in this strange lull. Dinner with her non-work family should be prioritized…
Then again… Going home to Will with all these thoughts revolving through her head sounded like hell. A few more hours away couldn’t hurt.
“You know what?” JJ began. “Yeah, I’ll come. I’d sell my soul for some good rigatoni right about now.”
The way Prentiss’s face lit up left JJ breathless. “Knew you wouldn’t be able to say no to rigatoni,” she said. With a wide grin, she went back to her seat beside Morgan, leaving JJ alone.
That’s not the only thing I can’t say no to, she thought.
With Prentiss gone, JJ knew she should call Will to let him know all was well, but her thoughts wandered back to the case again. Back to goddamn Shelley and Hannah.
There’d been something in Hannah’s gaze that JJ couldn’t stop thinking about. It wasn’t contempt, still viewing JJ as a raging homophobe. It felt like… Understanding. A mutual understanding of something deeper. Maybe Hannah viewed it as mutual, but for JJ, it was anything but. She barely understood any of the thoughts she’d been having since the start of the case. Why Shelley felt like a kindred spirit. Why she lost all sense of decorum upon learning of Hannah and Shelley’s relationship status. Why she found herself unable to talk to Emily fucking Prentiss, one of her closest friends both at work and outside of it, like a normal human being anymore, but still prioritized her over her own husband.
She sighed, sinking into her seat. Pasta and wine would make it all better, surely.
-
As it turned out, a belly full of wine and pasta doused in vodka sauce did not make everything better.
All night, JJ focused on Prentiss. When she laughed at some nerdy comment Reid made, JJ wished it were Prentiss laughing at something she’d said instead. When she greeted Garcia with two very Italian kisses to the cheeks, as Rossi got them all in the habit of doing when they came to his house, JJ imagined Prentiss doing the same to her, only much more romantically. When she helped get dishes out of Rossi’s cupboard for him to plate everyone’s pasta on, JJ’s eyes fell on the bare skin of her stomach and lower back revealed by her shirt lifting up.
No matter how hard she tried, no matter what she did, nothing could keep her mind off of Emily Prentiss.
Unfortunately, her ogling was noticeable.
“Why do you keep staring at Emily?” Reid asked when they got a moment alone.
JJ rarely got pissed off at Reid. How could she? He was like a little brother to her. But with all the stress swirling around in her head like the wine in her glass, the innocent question frustrated her. “It’s nothing, Reid.”
“Are you sure?” His face scrunched up in concern. “You don’t seem okay-”
“I’m fine,” she spat.
While she hadn’t meant to come off so angry, she ended up startling Reid so much he actually flinched. Maybe she’d been louder than she meant to be, too. “I… Sorry,” he mumbled. Without another word, he hurried out of the room, leaving her alone to be stared at.
The way everyone looked at her, especially Prentiss, left her body redhot with shame. Instead of sitting down with everyone else to eat, an embarrassed JJ took her wine and pasta outside to Rossi’s backyard. She sat herself down in the first chair she came across, buried her face in her hands, and let out a muffled groan before leaning back.
The stars twinkled against the dark blue sky, bright and beautiful. That sight alone, combined with the crickets chirping from their hiding places, should’ve soothed her troubled soul. But it didn’t. She doubted anything could.
JJ closed her eyes, her bowl of fresh pasta and the last few drops in her glass of wine long forgotten now. For a moment, she thought she might fall asleep, but the backdoor opening startled her from her peaceful state.
And there was Emily.
Holding her own bowl of pasta, she walked over, taking the chair beside JJ’s. JJ refused to look at her directly. The shame over being called out for her staring was too great. Prentiss said nothing about it, though.
“It’s nice out tonight,” she said in the most casual tone ever. As though JJ’s outburst were long forgotten, her odd behavior a thing of the past.
JJ hesitated, but nodded. “We’re going to get bitten by so many mosquitos.”
Prentiss laughed. A beautiful, choral sound JJ never thought she’d get tired of hearing. “Probably. But it’s worth it.”
For a moment, the only sounds audible were the crickets and the rest of the team’s faint laughter coming from inside. Something about it gave her a strange surge of confidence. As desperately as she wanted to hold onto the moment, she finally thought she knew how to put these feelings she’d been feeling into words.
“Emily, how did you know you liked girls?” JJ asked.
Prentiss’s eyes widened. She looked like she wanted to ask questions, but at the last moment thought better of it. “I… Guess I just always knew,” she explained. “I mean, when I was little, I always made my girl Barbie dolls kiss. The couple of Ken dolls I had ended up being chauffeurs for their dates or something like that.”
She reached over, gently taking JJ’s hand just as she’d done on the plane. It sent butterflies aflutter. “Is that why you’ve been acting so off? You don’t think you’re straight?”
“I have no idea what I’d label myself as,” JJ said. “All I know is I don’t look at… Someone the same anymore. It’s like how I felt about Will back when we first started dating, just a little bit different.”
“Different?” Prentiss echoed. “Different how?”
She shrugged. “More intense? I don’t know exactly. I just feel like a teenager again, discovering love for the first time.”
Prentiss readjusted her body to be fully facing JJ’s. “Tell me more about this ‘someone.’ What’s she like?”
JJ stared up at the stars. Giving a name to this person was terrifying, but just talking about her? That, she could do. “She’s the strongest person I‘ve ever met,” JJ began. “Smart, brave, beautiful… An absolute badass, too. And so, so sweet. Whenever she looks at me, she makes me feel like anything’s possible. Like everything will be okay as long as I have her.”
When she looked back at Emily, she was gazing at JJ in the exact way JJ had described. Like even the most impossible thing could become a reality if she just wished for it desperately enough.
“And who’s the lucky girl?” Emily asked.
Admitting who it was would lead to nothing good. JJ had a husband, for Christ’s sake. A doting husband who cherished her and took amazing care of their son. Who did nothing to warrant JJ falling out of love with him. If the “lucky girl” did somehow return her feelings, JJ knew pursuing something so unfamiliar wouldn’t be worth it. Leaving behind all she knew, the life she’d built, the man she once loved in exchange for an uncertain future with someone she loved so much, but still felt so unsure of? It was insane.
But love’s insane. And JJ, fueled by the liquid courage in her veins, was just as crazy.
She looked Emily dead in the eye and, before she lost her nerve, answered her question.
“You.”