Chapter Text
After the kids had had their snacks and done their homework, Kurt began to get restless, because Ryan wasn’t back yet. He should have been heading back to the diner. He thought about texting Ryan, asking him if he was on his way back, but a little voice in the back of his head told him it wasn’t a good idea. He needed to give his husband a little bit of space.
“Alright,” he said when it looked like there was nothing else to do. He turned to his daughters. “Go grab one of your board games or a coloring book or something. We’re heading to the diner for a bit.”
Amelia and Allegra cheered – they loved the diner. They liked hanging out there and eating the treats that Blaine made for them, loved pretending to be waitresses and handing out the menus to people and helping take their orders. It made Kurt remember when he had been their age and done the same, how he had run around the diner trying to help his mom and dad, how he had made memories there that would turn out to be some of the most precious he had now.
Hopefully Ryan could stop by the diner and pick the girls up on his way home, so Kurt wouldn’t have to ask Blaine to close by himself again. Even though it was clear that Blaine didn’t mind, Kurt didn’t like to keep him later than necessary – he was already there the entire day, seemingly keeping the diner together out of sheer love for the job and dedication. It was a nice right hand to have, but Kurt didn’t want to abuse Blaine’s good will and predisposition.
As he drove to the diner, the girls chatting calmly in the backseat, Kurt’s head felt like it was filled with static. His conversation with his husband kept replaying over and over again. Ryan was unhappy. How had he missed the signs? He said he liked life in Lima because it allowed him to slow down and pay attention to what truly mattered, so how come he hadn’t noticed his husband wasn’t okay? Ryan had looked so unsatisfied, so upset…
Sometimes it was so easy to go through every day without really checking in on each other. The kids demanded attention, there was always stuff to do around the house, they both worked full time… but maybe they were all just excuses. Because yeah, it had been Kurt who had asked to stay in Lima after his father died. It was him who had taken over the diner and let the rhythm of it guide his next steps. New York was farther and farther away when he got into bed every night, feeling satisfied that he was taking care of something that had been so important to his father, to his mother, to his entire family. And one day he woke up and didn’t even think about the city he had called home. He never questioned it again. He was here to stay, and he assumed that meant his family was too.
He should have talked to Ryan sooner.
As he waited at a red light, he massaged his temples. He could feel a headache coming, a sign of the difficult times ahead. Because if Ryan came back from his walk a lot calmer and ready to compromise, Kurt would still need to make changes in order to make sure his husband was living the life he wanted to leave. And it looked like he couldn’t do that if they stayed in Lima.
He pushed down the sudden fear that was trying to rise inside of him. They would sit down and talk and find common ground. That was what a marriage was about.
But the fear still pooled in his belly, heavy and toxic, nauseating.
Kurt tried to ignore it as best as he could.
The moments of sudden quiet in the diner were little blessings that allowed him to catch his breath. Blaine had stepped away from the oven, from the grill, from all the sources of heat that made him feel like he was constantly living in a tropical zone, and opened the door in the back, the one that took you to the back alley, to let a little bit of breeze in.
He had made himself a sandwich and was eating it leaning against the doorway, face tilted up towards the sunlight, when he heard the front door of the diner opening and Kurt’s voice. He glanced in that direction just in time to see Amelia and Allegra bursting in, their giggles and little voices already filling every corner of what two seconds ago had been a silent and empty space.
Blaine smiled.
He popped the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and closed the back door before heading out of the kitchen, just in time for Amelia and Allegra to appear behind the counter, both squealing and throwing their little arms around Blaine’s legs.
“Hi Blaine!” Amelia said with a lovely grin.
“We came for a visit!” Allegra added happily.
“Hi, cuties. It’s so good to see you,” Blane said, putting a hand on each of their heads.
“Could you…” Kurt started, then cleared his throat like there was something stuck in it. Blaine looked up at him, and saw that he was really serious and a bit paler than usual. “Could you watch them for a second? I need to check on something in my office.”
“Sure,” Blaine said without hesitation. “Girls, would you like to help me? I just took a batch of cupcakes from the oven and I need help decorating them.”
“Yes!” They both said at the same time.
“Alright. Go wash your hands, I’ll be there in a second,” Blaine told them, and watched them go. Kurt was already halfway to his office, and he seemed to be in a hurry to get there. “Hey,” Blaine stopped him. Kurt turned to look at him. “Everything okay?”
It probably wasn’t his place to ask, but there was such tension in Kurt’s face that he couldn’t ignore it. Plus, he rarely brought the girls to the diner on week days, especially out of the blue like this.
“Of course,” Kurt replied, with a smile that Blaine guessed was supposed to be reassuring, but that ended up looking more like a grimace and, in turn, only making Blaine frown at him. “Where’s Esther?”
“She’s cleaning the restrooms,” Blaine said, and he knew the question was intended as a change of subject, so he allowed it. Kurt didn’t owe Blaine any explanations, after all.
“Okay. Let me know if you need any help. I’ll be back in a couple of minutes,” Kurt said, and then practically fled the rest of the way to his small office.
Blaine stared after him, and he ignored the hint of concern lapping at his insides. Just because Kurt looked upset, it didn’t mean Blaine could get involved. He was his boss. Plus, Kurt had asked him to keep an eye on his daughters, and Blaine was more than happy to help in any way he could, but particularly in this one, because he adored those two.
The girls had washed their hands. Amelia had pulled her hair into a bun and was now braiding her sister’s. Blaine smiled at the sight – they already knew it was important to keep everything clean and tidy in the kitchen. They never made big messes or gave Blaine trouble when they were here. Allegra was a little harder to keep in check, but Amelia seemed to be practiced at it, rarely needing Blaine’s intervention when her sister was about to step out of line.
“You guys ready?” He asked after he had washed his own hands. He retrieved the frosting from the fridge as the girls nodded. “What should we use this time? Sprinkles?”
“Yes, sprinkles!” Allegra agreed.
Blaine reached for the jar of sprinkles on a shelf and put everything on the counter before dragging two chairs so they could kneel on them and work more comfortably. He instructed them on how to apply the frosting, even though they had plenty of practice from all the other times they had helped him, and then moved down the counter to check on the pizza dough that was rising in preparation for the dinner rush.
Blaine chatted with them as they worked. They always had something to talk about – school, their favorite tv show, what they wanted to do the following weekend. Blaine hadn’t been around many children before Kurt took over the diner, but he had seen Amelia and Allegra grow up from adorable babies to the incredibly smart little ladies they were now, and he was blown away by them.
“Blaine, can you make us a cake for our birthday?” Allegra asked. “Peter’s mom made him a big chocolate cake and brought it to school today. I bet you can make one that’s even more delicious.”
“Our birthday is in five months,” Amelia said before Blaine could reply, like her sister was being unreasonable.
“So? I just want to know if he’d make one,” Allegra rolled her eyes in a way that made Blaine think of Kurt.
“Of course I will,” Blaine said at once, so they wouldn’t have a chance to argue.
Allegra grinned and stuck her tongue out at her sister. “See? He will. I want chocolate. Oh! And you know what? We have career day next week. One of our daddies is going to go and talk to our class about their jobs. Do you want to come too? You could tell everyone about working here and how you met grandpa Burt and what you studied after high school and all that stuff…”
Blaine’s stomach swooped, and not in a pleasant way. “I… don’t think so, Allie. I’m sure your friends will prefer to hear about what your dads do than what I do, anyway. It’s not that interesting. Hey, do you want to make mini pizzas to take home with you?”
The distraction worked perfectly. Both of them were so enthusiastic about it that they forgot to keep asking Blaine to go to career day, and whatever awkward questions that might follow died right there. Blaine wasn’t sure how happy Kurt would be if he told his daughters that he hadn’t even graduated high school.
He hadn’t even told Kurt – unless Burt had told him, but he didn’t think so. Blaine knew he had made a life for himself without any academic achievements, but he couldn’t help the little twinge of shame that he felt whenever he thought he hadn’t even gotten a high school diploma. It wasn’t for lack of intelligence, either: he’d always been top of his class, had dreamed of going to a big university…
Well, those days were gone. They had been gone a long time now, and Blaine knew there was no point looking back on them. Sometimes he thought about getting his GED, but it felt pointless. He didn’t need it to work the kitchen at a diner.
A few customers came in then, and Esther hadn’t returned to the front. Blaine shook himself out of his own thoughts – not the greatest place to be even on the best of days – and got the girls’ attention.
“So, what’s the number one rule when you’re in the diner?” He asked them.
“If there’s no one else in the kitchen, we can’t be in the kitchen,” Amelia said.
“Because it’s dangerous,” Allegra added.
Blaine nodded at them and helped them down from the chairs. “That’s right. So how about you go and pick a table to sit at while I go fetch your dad?”
The girls complied without any fuss. They grabbed the board game that they had brought with them and sat near the counter at one of the booths, where they were in plain sight from both the kitchen and their dad’s office. They really were the most outstanding kids Blaine had ever met.
Blaine brought the menus over to the group of teenagers that had just taken over the largest table in the house and then went to knock on Kurt’s office door to ask for help. When he opened the door, he found him sitting at his desk, head in his hands, looking like he was in despair.
“Uhm, boss?” He muttered awkwardly.
Kurt looked up, startled, like he hadn’t even heard him knock. “Yes. Yes, sorry. What is it?”
Blaine hesitated. He never wanted to overstep, but Kurt seemed upset, something in those blue eyes uncertain and scared in a way Blaine didn’t like. “Are you… are you alright?”
Kurt gave him one of his beautiful smiles, but there was something off about it. “Sure. Just needed a moment. What’s up?”
“There are some customers. The girls are playing their board game, and Esther still isn’t done in the restrooms. Could you…?”
“Of course,” Kurt was standing up before Blaine could even finish talking. “I’ll take care of it.”
He tried to sound cheerful and failed spectacularly. Except when he was stricken by grief, Blaine hadn’t seen Kurt look like this before. He couldn’t help the pang of worry that went through him, but he knew it wasn’t his pace to insist or try to get Kurt to talk to him.
As Kurt walked by him at the doorway, he squeezed Blaine’s arm in a friendly manner. “Thanks for looking after the girls for a bit, Blaine.”
Kurt’s touch was gone as quickly as it had come, but Blaine could feel the lingering pressure of his fingertips against his skin even as he headed back to the kitchen.
The rest of the shift went as it usually did, without many bumps. Esther eventually came back to help with the tables, so Kurt stood behind the counter and checked on his daughters constantly. Since orders began to pile up, Blaine couldn’t allow them back in the kitchen, but he did sneak out to bring them their mini pizzas and two cupcakes, which they received with the biggest grins on their faces. Kurt smiled gratefully at him, and there was something warm and sweet in his expression that almost managed to hide the fact that there was something wrong.
However, as closing time approached, Kurt began to get more and more restless. Blaine was cleaning the kitchen after the last order came out, but paused when Kurt came in and looked at him apologetically.
“Would it be too inconvenient to ask you to close again?” Kurt asked, and it seemed like it actually pained him to have to ask for this once more. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t get a hold of Ryan to come pick up the girls.”
“It’s no problem. You can take the girls home,” Blaine replied, as he stopped sweeping the floor to give him his full attention.
“Are you sure?” Kurt said, wincing. “You’re already here all day, I don’t like asking you to stay even later…”
Blaine waved away Kurt’s concern, both hands resting on the top of the broom, his cheek on them. He regarded Kurt for a moment and was tempted to make sure he was alright. He’d been quiet and distracted during the rest of the shift, which wasn’t like him, especially when the kids were around. “I don’t mind,” he said, the question right on the tip of his tongue. Instead he said: “Do you want me to open tomorrow so you have a chance to sleep in?”
Kurt arched an eyebrow at him. “Are you telling me I look like crap, Anderson?”
Blaine grinned at him. “I would never. I just…” He hesitated once again and bit his lip. “You can count on me. If you needed some time for yourself, that is.”
Kurt seemed to know that wasn’t what Blaine had been about to say. Considering they had known each other for years, it shouldn’t have been surprising, but the truth was that they didn’t have a close relationship. They kept it professional, with a joke here and there to make days lighter and easier. It was weird, because when Burt was still around, Blaine had felt like part of the family, but now that he was gone everything around him was exactly the same, except that feeling of belonging.
He might as well had been a stranger.
“Thank you,” Kurt said simply. “I’ll open tomorrow, but I really appreciate your help tonight.”
“Don’t even mention it,” Blaine said with a little smile.
Kurt left the kitchen and went towards his kids. Blaine allowed himself to watch him for a moment – there was a certain tension in his shoulders, but aside from that all signs that something was wrong was gone. Maybe he had argued with his husband – it wouldn’t have been that out of the ordinary, really, sometimes married couples argued. It wasn’t Blaine’s business, anyway.
He could see the edge of his smile from where he was standing. He smiled for his kids as if nothing was bothering him. Blaine forced himself to look away and go back to cleaning the kitchen. That smile wasn’t for him.
But it still replayed in his memory even after everyone else had gone home and Blaine was alone in the empty diner.
He took his time. There was nowhere else he had to be, and no one waited for him at home, so Blaine put the chairs on the tables, swept the entire floor, wiped the counter and washed the coffee pots to leave them ready for opening.
Then he leaned against the counter and stared at the place that had been his home for half his life. He could still see so clearly the day he had first walked into it, Burt pressing a hand on his shoulder, asking him if he wanted something to eat. There was a pang in his chest at the thought of him – he missed him. Burt Hummel had been a huge part of Blaine’s life, and Blaine felt like he owed him a great debt. One he would never be able to repay, and that left a bitter taste in his mouth.
But he could make things easier for his son, he guessed. Kurt knew Blaine was to be trusted when it came to managing the diner, so Blaine was more than willing to help him carry the load when it was necessary. After all, the only thing that Burt Hummel had loved more than this old diner was his son.
Blaine pulled away from the counter and crossed the diner towards the wall where all those framed photographs were. They were so familiar already, he had seen them so many times, but Blaine couldn’t get sick of them. They told a story he liked – of a hardworking man with a heart of gold who had built something that stood the test of time, alongside his family. The most worn photographs were the ones from the earlier days of the diner. He smiled at the image of a very young Kurt sitting at one of the booths with his mother, and followed the pictures through the years: there was Kurt as a teenager, and Burt’s second wife, Carole, who Blaine had truly adored, and her son Finn, who he hadn’t met.
A few years ago, there had been a picture of Blaine on that wall, too. Blaine had felt a little embarrassed when he saw Burt hanging it – it was of him in the kitchen, spatula in one hand, Burt’s arm thrown around his shoulder as he leaned in to tell him something. Carole had taken the picture without them noticing and Burt had added it to the collection of precious moments on the wall as soon as he had seen it. Blaine had tried to protest: he wasn’t family, after all, and all the other pictures there featured family.
“Blaine,” Burt had said, in that tone that indicated he thought he was being ridiculous. “Stop talking nonsense. You know you’re like a son to us.”
The night before Kurt had come into the diner to take over for his ill father, Blaine had taken the picture from the wall, hid it in his bag and taken it home with him. He wasn’t sure why he had done it – maybe he had been worried that Kurt wouldn’t like that Burt had included him like that, or maybe he’d been scared that Kurt himself would remove it. The empty spot left behind had been covered a few months after that with a picture of Ryan sitting at the counter, cup of coffee in front of him, his eyes focused on a magazine he was flipping through.
Blaine’s eyes shifted to the picture next to it, of Kurt with his daughters – they were still toddlers in it. Kurt was wearing an apron on top of his clothes, one girl in each arm, beaming so widely, like there was nowhere else he wanted to be but right here in this place his father had built from the ground up.
Blaine swallowed and turned away. He felt a little restless tonight, which meant it was probably a bad idea to go home. He double-checked he had turned the gas off and that everything was ready for the morning shift, before he left, locking the door behind himself, and heading to his car.
Scandals was just ten minutes away, and Blaine knew the road to it well. He went to the bar at least once a week, to unwind after a long day at work, when he didn’t feel like going to his empty apartment. People knew him there – they always welcomed him like he was a friend, and the bartenders knew what he liked to drink. Sometimes just one look at his face was enough for them to know whether tonight was a beer kind of night, or a cocktail kind of night.
As soon as Blaine had taken a seat at the bar, a beer appeared in front of him, courtesy of Tom, the bartender, who winked at him, because he was an enormous flirt and always winked at everyone. Blaine smiled and took a sip, before turning around to see what the crowd looked like tonight.
It was a Wednesday, so it wasn’t as busy as it was on the weekends. There weren’t any people dancing, and the music wasn’t as loud as it usually was. The few patrons that had come to Scandals for similar reasons to Blaine’s, were sitting at the tables, laughing and sharing a drink with friends.
Blaine liked it here. It was friendly, and it felt a lot less taboo than it had felt when he was younger and he came here for the first time with a fake ID. Everything had changed over the years, the town was more accepting, its population a bit more diverse. Blaine took another sip and reveled in the fact that he didn’t need to be scared to come here any longer.
Blaine mostly kept to himself when he came to Scandals. Every now and then, when there was an itch he needed to scratch, he would come and buy a cute guy a drink or dance a little, and he would go home with someone or, in one incredibly memorable occasion, he allowed the guy to pull him into one of the bathroom stalls. It wasn’t ideal, and the romantic part of him that he didn’t pay much attention to these days would disapprove, but it worked for him at that moment. His life was simple, and he preferred it this way – sometimes that wasn’t enough for other men.
Better to walk out before the sun came out than to stay and live through the disappointment.
The last time had been about two weeks ago, so Blaine guesses he’d be able to keep the urge at bay for a little longer. Tonight, he just wanted to relax, to have a drink and listen to some music and that was that.
He chatted a bit with Tom, but mostly kept to himself, as he usually did. His thoughts inevitably went back to earlier that day, when he had walked into Kurt’s office and seen him looking so upset, but he drank some more beer and forced his thoughts in other directions.
After a while, though, he began to feel the exhaustion of a long day, and knew it was time to head to his apartment. He paid no attention to how the key seemed to echo as it fit into the lock, how there was only one toothbrush in the bathroom, how the bed was cold as he slipped into it.
He closed his eyes and went to sleep, and hoped he wouldn’t have any dreams.
Kurt startled awake the next morning, because he didn’t even remember falling asleep. He sat up in bed almost immediately, feeling a little dizzy by the suddenness of it all, and looked down – yes, there was Ryan, sleeping peacefully as if he hadn’t scared his husband shitless the night before.
Kurt had stayed up waiting for him to come back. He had called him a million times and hadn’t gotten a response, his call going straight to voicemail. He had started to think the worse had happened, but he couldn’t just leave his daughters in the middle of the night and drive around town searching for his husband. All he could do was either call the police or wait. He decided to give Ryan a bit more time. He waited.
He had clearly nodded off at some point as he tried to imagine how he would break the news to their daughters that their papa was found in a ditch somewhere. Kurt didn’t think he had ever felt as scared before in his life.
Now he allowed himself a second to breathe and let the relief wash over him. Ryan was clearly unharmed. He was okay. He was home.
It was almost four in the morning. The alarm wouldn’t go off for another two hours.
He grabbed his pillow and hit his sleeping husband with it, letting the relief be replaced by anger.
“You idiot!” He exclaimed, careful not to raise his voice too much.
Ryan woke in a similar manner, startled, and sat up. “What? What happened?”
“What happened?” Kurt repeated, indignation clinging to every syllable. “I thought you were dead! Where the hell did you go?”
Ryan ran a hand down his face, clearly trying to get the vestiges of sleep away and failing. “I’m sorry. I needed some time and I didn’t realize how late it was. I walked for a long time and then sat down to have a cup of coffee and time got away from me…”
“You turned your phone off,” Kurt said. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through the past few hours? I thought you were dead, you asshole.”
“Kurt, calm down, you’re going to wake the kids,” Ryan said, and Kurt hated how nonchalant he sounded, as if he hadn’t done a single wrong thing in his life.
Kurt took a deep breath, because his husband was right – the last thing they needed was to wake the kids in the middle of an argument.
“Look, I really am sorry,” Ryan said, taking advantage of the pause, keeping his voice low and calm. “But you have to understand how I’ve been feeling lately. I felt like I was about to explode. I really needed some time to clear my head.”
“I would have understood if you talked to me sooner, too,” Kurt retorted, but there was no heat in his words anymore, the anger dissolving into sadness. “You didn’t need to wait until this whole thing blew up…”
“I just… I wasn’t sure how to approach you about this. Do you think I don’t see you’re actually contented with this life?” Ryan asked, and he sounded so frustrated now. “And I have to be the one to bring you back to reality, Kurt. It’s not easy for me.”
Kurt swallowed. It felt like there was a hole in his chest and it was only becoming wider and wider. “I admit that there were things we should have talked about instead of me just… I don’t know, assuming, I guess, that we were on the same page. But is it really that bad? What we have here in Ohio?”
Ryan looked pained by the question, like he wasn’t ready to admit what he was really feeling. “Kurt, I… I’m failing to find work. Marie Claire isn’t giving me as many articles as they once did. I’ve been trying to find other magazines to write for, other companies, but the truth is they have no use for me if I’m here. If I want to work regularly again, I need to be in New York.”
Kurt looked away for a moment. His husband was having a hard time, and he was sympathetic to that, but the thought of going back to New York overwhelmed him in a way he had never thought possible. He had loved New York – it had given him the space to become a man he was proud to be, it had given him his family. But he had been in Ohio for the past five years, and he felt like he was home in a way he had never felt in New York. Here, he fit just like a puzzle piece. Here, he had everything he loved. Here, he protected his father’s legacy.
But he also had to protect his family, his marriage…
“Okay…” Kurt said carefully. He was so tired, too tired to be having this conversation this early in the morning. “So you’re saying our only steady source of income at the moment is the diner.”
He saw Ryan blanch, like it wasn’t exactly what he had expected Kurt to say.
“Ryan, I understand you’re saying you need to be in New York to work in the fashion industry,” Kurt continued, still careful, as if he was talking to a baby deer that might get spooked if his tone was too brusque. “But we have two daughters, and going back to New York would mean we start over. We’d need a new apartment, and we’d need to find jobs, and a nanny, and a school…”
The look of despair on Ryan’s face nearly broke Kurt’s heart, making him stop, swallowing the next few words that he had been about to say.
“So you really do intend to stay here forever, then,” Ryan said, so bitterly it was unlike him. “And you never even thought of talking to me about it.”
Kurt closed his eyes and told himself to keep his composure. “It wasn’t my intention to make the decision. I just thought we were on the same page, that we both realized this was the most sensible option…”
Ryan stood up, pushing the blankets off him quickly, like he couldn’t stay in bed for a second longer. He began pacing the bedroom restlessly. “You don’t see it, do you? You haven’t realized just how unhappy I’ve been lately. I’m unsatisfied with my life, Kurt. Does that mean nothing to you?”
“Of course it means something!” Kurt exclaimed at once, kneeling on the bed and getting closer to the edge so he could get closer to his husband. He tried to reach for him, but Ryan wouldn’t stay still long enough for Kurt to succeed. “Honey, I want you to be happy, and I’m sorry if I’ve taken your happiness for granted. I never want you to be unsatisfied. I never want you to look at your life with me and feel like it’s not enough…”
There was a knot in Kurt’s throat that was making it really hard to go on.
“I just… I don’t know how to change things so we both get what we want,” he admitted.
Ryan smiled sadly at him. “We used to want the same things, you know.”
The hole in Kurt’s chest gaped painfully. “We just… we lost our way a little bit. We can find it again.”
“Are you sure?” Ryan asked, and he seemed genuinely concerned that Kurt couldn’t.
The answer had to be affirmative, Kurt realized. Otherwise, he was too scared to face what it meant for their marriage.
“Of course,” he said. “We both might need to compromise a bit at first, but… we can be okay again, Ryan. We can be happy again.”
Ryan sat on the edge of the bed and reached for Kurt’s hand. He held it between his own and squeezed. “Even if that means leaving everything your father left you behind?”
Kurt’s heart was heavier than it had been a second ago. It didn’t help that feeling of emptiness in his chest, though. “I guess… I guess it does.”
But just as Ryan started to look a bit relieved, Kurt felt dread settling inside of him.
“There’s a lot we need to talk about,” Ryan said, and he looked so awake.
Kurt nodded, as he wished he could lie down and pretend to be asleep. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend he hadn’t seen his husband’s unhappiness.
But it wasn’t fair. And Kurt didn’t want to be the kind of man who ignored what the people he loved needed from him.
And yet that was exactly what he had been doing for the past few years.
It was unusual, arriving at the diner and not finding Kurt there. Blaine frowned as he grabbed his set of keys and unlocked the door he had locked the previous night. Everything was dark and silent, the calm before the storm. He checked his phone as he went around turning lights on, but he had no messages from Kurt letting him know that he was going to be late.
He thought about Kurt sitting at his desk, head in his hands, a look of… what? Resignation? Fear? Concern? Blaine wasn’t sure what it had been he had seen in Kurt’s face the previous day, but the image of it returned to his mind at full speed. What if something was truly wrong?
Not your business, he told himself as he turned the lights on in the kitchen.
To distract himself, he turned on the radio he kept in the kitchen, the one that had belonged to Burt, the one he used to play the old American rock he’d loved, the one he had placed in the kitchen to keep Blaine company during his first few months there. The station was playing a Mellencamp song. Blaine smiled to himself – it brought back so many memories…
Perhaps that was the reason why he didn’t hear the door opening when Kurt finally arrived. But he did hear him when he said, from the kitchen doorway: “That was one of my dad’s favorite songs.”
There was such sadness in his voice, and something else that Blaine couldn’t quite identify. Exhaustion, maybe? He certainly looked tired, like he hadn’t slept all night. Blaine didn’t think he had seen him look like this since the early days of his grief, right after Burt had passed away.
He couldn’t stop the fear that spread through him. He took a few steps towards him, closing the distance without really thinking about what he was doing.
“Are you alright?” He asked, and he was so worried that he didn’t think to hide how much he cared. “Are the girls okay?”
Kurt seemed startled by Blaine’s eagerness. “Yes, we’re all fine. I’m so sorry that I’m late. Ryan and I… we had a few things to talk about.”
That sobered Blaine up right away. He nodded, and took back the steps to put some more space between them. “Don’t worry. It’s not like we’ve had any customers yet. I can handle the opening…”
Kurt shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to, though. I can’t be asking you to close and open by yourself. It’s not fair to you. You work really hard, Blaine, and you’re here longer than anyone else.”
Blaine gave him a little smile, hoping it looked reassuring. “You know I love this diner. It’s like my home.”
But they seemed to be the wrong words, because Kurt got really pale, more so than usual.
“I’m sorry. Was that… was that out of line?” Blaine muttered, unsure. “I don’t mean to be weird or make you uncomfortable.”
“You couldn’t. You’re… it’s really sweet, Blaine,” Kurt replied. There was something in his blue eyes – it was difficult for Blaine to look away from them sometimes, though he had become really good at forcing himself to, but now he allowed himself to look, to try to figure out if that glint he saw there was actual sadness. It was Kurt who looked away this time, and when his gaze went back to Blaine after a few seconds, it was veiled, no vestiges of the worry or the sadness that he thought he had glimpsed there before. “Actually, uhm, I’m going to really appreciate your help next week. Ryan has to travel to New York for a few days, so I’m not going to have any help with the girls. I might need you to be in charge here a little more often, if that’s alright with you…”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you need,” Blaine replied. Kurt gave him a little smile of gratitude and was about to turn around to leave, but Blaine, and his big mouth, stopped him. “Are you sure you’re alright, boss?”
The word slipped past his lips without him meaning to – he knew Kurt wanted him to call him by his name, but Blaine kept calling him boss because it made him smile and roll his eyes and look like…
It didn’t matter. He needed to stop doing that, really.
“Yes, Blaine. Thank you,” Kurt said sweetly.
The Mellencamp song came to an end just as Kurt walked out of the kitchen and towards his office. Blaine had the perfect excuse to look away from him when Marley arrived.
Not like he needed one.
He shouldn’t need one at all.