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It all started on Friday morning. That's when Kagami had woken up with that familiar scene of dread. When he went to the bathroom, he noticed huge dots of blood on his boxers. His period was about to start, and it seemed like everyone could tell that day. Not because they knew his 'secret' but because they could tell something was 'off' about Kagami and he hated it.
He knew he was acting off himself when he was more silent and distant to everyone including Kuroko, his best friend boyfriend.
Yeah, he and Kuroko were a couple now. Not just him but the Generations of Miracles were in polyamory relationship. Sounded foolish and complicated. But Kagami liked it, he loved the bonds and the times they all shared; whether it'd be cooking for them, exploring their hobbies, going on date nights, and so many more he could list off. Taiga's favorite activity was, of course, playing on the court with all of them. It was always exhilarating for Taiga, he couldn't explain it, but he felt so free yet so captive by everything about it. He loved basketball just as much as his partners. Maybe even more.
However, he wasn't as interested in playing his favorite sport anymore. His skills were sloppy due to his stomach discomfort; he felt too weak to play. He was suddenly filled with unexplained anger and anxiety. He hadn't gotten his period in over months due to the testosterone; he thought he was free from the reality of what he once was, but his body was still getting used to the hormonal changes.
Kagami felt vulnerable and disgusting around everyone. He bit his nails more aggressively and he was more caught up in his thoughts more than usual. He didn’t want to be noticed by anyone. But he was. Everyone knew him as the big, loud, and strong player, but today he was small, quiet, and weak. His mind was all over the place, he couldn't focus on anything but the irritation in his lower abdomen. He always acted like this whenever he was on his period, and he didn't know why. He didn't want his teammates to know anything about it too, he didn't want them knowing what he wasn't.
It was third period, the clock just striking at 10:20 am. He was in the middle of English class, writing in his notebook as he sat in the back,
'A group of tigers is called a streak, possibly because of the stripes on their bodies.
Tigers are solitary animals, meaning tigers do their own thing most of the time.
When a tiger joins a pack of their kind, it needs to have value for the group. Whether it's their hunting skills, for mating purposes or even sharing prey with others.
It must have some significance in said pack.
If not, that tiger is seen as useless, potentially getting killed by other prey or more predictively its kind.’
Taiga's nickname was Tiger, not Tigress. That's what his dad used to call him at least before the transition. Luckily for him, his father supported him no matter what, he knew that. But Taiga still felt that guilt that would never go away no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. He felt like a disappointment for even feeling this way, his cramps always reminded him of what he had and who he wasn't.
Therefore, Kagami was useless to his teammates, his boyfriends, to his streak because he was not a man. No man at all. He was the prey disguised within the predators.
"Ka...."
‘Why was this happening out of all days? Why did it come now? How did he even get here? Why would he even come to school?
"..Gami!"
He was truly disgusting; he didn’t deserve to be here. Imagine what everyone would say if they’d found out he wasn’t a real boy, the shame, humiliation, and judgement...
"Kagami!"
He jolted up from his chair as he turned his head, Kuroko was standing right there. Blank face as usual.
"Class is over, you spaced out the whole class.”
Kagami looked around seeing classmates start to leave. Shit, he didn’t even realize that class was over.
“Oh, um sorry…” was all Kagami could muster up as he grabbed his bag and headed for the door.
Kuroko just sighed as he followed behind, "Kagami, are you sure everything is okay? You’re acting..”
“Different.” Kagami finished his sentence "I'm fine." he replied dryly.
“Are you sure? Sounds like something is bothering you.”
Kagami gritted his teeth “How many times have I told you to drop it? I’m fine.”
'Curse Kuroko and his observational skills!' Even if Taiga pretended to be fine, his true colors would pop up eventually. He was a horrible lair; easy to read like a book.
Kuroko’s face soured in expression as he continued to follow behind, “You don't have to lie to me, you know we're together now." He reminded the redhead. "Plus, you’re not the greatest liar.”
‘I know that, I want to tell you the truth but it’s complicated.’ Is what he wanted to say. Instead with his patience running thin, he snapped.
”I’M FINE! Just let it go it’s none of your concern anyway.” Kagami grumbled in annoyance. “Let’s get to basketball practice, you know coach hates it when we’re late.”
Kuroko's eyebrows drooped, muttering “Okay then.. sorry for asking.” Taiga bit his lip in regret as he walked ahead.
‘Great going Kagami! Causing more problems for yourself. This is going to be a long day.’ Kagami thought as he entered the gym.
After an entirety, school was over. Which meant basketball practice was finally over. This meant Kagami got to go home, relax, and be alone with his thoughts.
"Over here Kagamicci, Kurokocchi!!! Come on! Don't keep us waiting!” A voice cheered from the distance in front of him.
Kagami stopped dead in his tracks. 'And... I spoke too soon. Damn.' Kagami forgot that he was meeting up with the Generations of Miracles for an outing after school, what perfect timing! (Not)
Kagami's body hesitated; being too stiff to move from his spot. ‘Well here goes nothing..’
Kagami and Kuroko were already walking towards the group and immediately, they could tell something was off.
“What's wrong Kaga-chin?" Kise questioned, raising his eyebrow innocently. "You look so down."
Kagami didn't expect immediate attention toward him so he began to stutter, “I, -um I’m not feeling so good." He hesitated, avoiding eye contact. "Might be sick."
A wave of worry spread through the group, "Sick you say?" Atsushi repeated. Kagami just nodded.
"Winter is around the corner so it isn't surprising if he was sick.” Akashi spoke. “Do you think it’s the common cold?” Kagami just shrugged to his question.
"The horoscope did say Leo's ranked tenth on the list today," Midorima added. 'This really wasn't about horoscope nonsense this time.' Kagami thought.
Till Aomine started talking to, "Oh please it’s probably something he ate, you know how he likes to eat a lot, especially those Maji burgers.”
Kagami scoffed; Look who’s talking! But that wasn't true, he hadn’t eaten much today anyway.
"He's clearly not feeling well. Have some empathy, Aomine." Kuroko advised. Popping out of nowhere and scaring Aomine.
”Maybe Kaga-chin needs some sweets.” Murasakibara muffled as his mouth was filled with food.
”Nonsense. That’ll make him sicker.” Akashi responded.
Kagami watched them bicker as he felt a wave of guilt hit him, they had no idea the secret he was hiding from them. He wanted to say something, anything for God's sake! But all he could do was quiver his lips and tremble quietly as they continued to bicker with each other. They were all men; real ones. How could they understand Kagami and his problem? Real men didn't go through periods, having to wear binders like he did. Real man didn’t need to put multiple doses of testosterone a day by needle. Who was he fooling? Himself? Kagami didn't fit in with these guys.
Yes, things were different now, living in Japan and having 6 supporting boyfriends. They were very accepting of everything. But this is something different, Kagami wanted to bring up, no matter how hard he tried. He was too embarrassed to say anything, always stuck in a loop of silence. He couldn't even imagine how the conversation would go. Would they be disgusted? Would they treat him differently? Judge him? The horrible thoughts were endless.
As he cleared his throat, "You know what, I think I'll pass for today" Kagami excused. “I’m not feeling so good; I should go home and rest. Sorry.”
“Do you want us to walk you home?~” Kise asked in a bit of a flirtatious tone to it.
Before anyone could protest, Akashi spoke “No, that wouldn’t be wise. We don’t know how bad it is yet. He should rest; it’s for the best. We hope you feel better soon, Taiga.”
Kagami took a sigh of relief. ‘Whew! That was a close one.’ He quickly thanked everyone and apologized for the early departure.
On his way home, he was even more agitated than before. Why was he even acting like this? He should’ve spoken up and told the truth; he had the opportunity. He didn’t want to do anything besides lie down and pretend he never existed.
Stupid Period, Stupid Hormones, Stupid Body. Everything was so fucking stupid.
Periods always made him all emotional and worst of all the pain is excruciating. Kagami hates getting his period. Hell, who doesn’t?! He just wanted to run from his problems; he always did anyway.
Kagami entered his empty dark apartment in pure agony. He immediately takes two pills from the bottle of painkillers on the kitchen counter and heads to the bathroom.
His lower body ached in pain, and the familiar stench of body odor lingered on him. He took off his clothes and inspected everything about his body in the mirror. All of it was wrong, abnormal. His body looked off, he looked like a freak. He nitpicked every part of himself, one by one. To his face down to his legs. Pinching out his flabby thighs along with his feminine hips. The more he looked at himself in the mirror, the more and more undesirable he felt by the second.
His phone buzzed, getting several messages from his boyfriends asking for his well-being but he didn't feel like answering any of them. He felt guilty. He was guilty. He felt horrible for not telling them the truth, he was a terrible person, friend, and partner.
Kagami showered for 20 minutes before getting out and changing into his pajamas quickly.
Hopefully, if he just went to sleep, the pain would go away. Right?
Wrong. The next time he woke up, it was early in the morning and his cramps were worse than before.
His body burned with a tremendous amount of pain. He tried to get up and some more painkillers in the kitchen to the best of his ability. But, ultimately failed.
This would lead to his current situation, him lying down on the floor of his small apartment. The pain was an absolute 11 out of 10. He curled himself into a ball as he tried not to cry as he writhed in excruciating pain. He was still getting numerous messages that he didn't even bother to read from the night before.
It hadn’t even hit 1 pm and he was already done with the day. All he wanted to do was lie there and pretend he never existed in the first place. The pain became so unbearable that he didn't even notice the tears that were going down his face.
With all his remaining strength, he grabbed his phone lying beside him and opened his messages to check the latest ones.
Kuroko < Yesterday 6:20 PM: Hey, I’m sorry I invaded your privacy yesterday by asking you all those questions. But I am worried about you, again sorry for bothering.
Kise < Yesterday 6:34 PM: Kagamicchi!! I was so sad you couldn’t play with us today :( It was super lonely without you!! Aomine kept on picking on me!!!!!! (；´д｀)ゞ But I hope you feel better <33!!
Aomine < Yesterday 6:50 PM: Kise kept whining about you not being here, he was being so annoying!
Aomine < Yesterday 6:51 PM: Oh, and are you doing okay Bakagami? You weren’t acting like yourself today.
Midorima < Yesterday 7:07 PM: I knew something like this would happen, don’t worry, I’ll bring over a lucky item for you tomorrow. I truly hope you get better, Kagami.
Murasakibara < Yesterday 8:09 PM: Kaga-chin didn't join us today, I was looking forward to our basketball match. Hope Kaga-chin gets better.
Akashi < Yesterday 11:35 PM: Apologies for not texting sooner, I just made it home. I hope you've been getting everyone's messages, Kuroko told me you've been acting strange as of today. Akashi < Yesterday 11:37 PM: We all care about you deeply and I hope you know that.
Kuroko < Today 7:32 AM: Good morning, Kagami. You usually don't take this long to respond, has something happened, Kagami?
Kuroko < Today 8:07 AM: I’m guessing you're still feeling sick.
Kuroko < Today 10:21 AM: We’ve decided that we are coming over to check up on you, don’t try and protest like last time. See you in a bit.
Oh shit, they were coming over now?? When he was like this?! He couldn’t let them see him like this. They always did surprise visits from time to time but seeing him like this? It would be so humiliating. He quickly wiped his puffy face and stumbled on his feet by trying to stand up so fast. He hugged his stomach as he thought about what to do next. Kagami couldn’t think much with the pain. He ruffled his hair in annoyance, trying to think of any excuse in his head.
He could just not answer the door, but Kuroko had the key to his apartment. He could lock himself in the bathroom but that would have several problems to it.
His head was spinning and his throat felt dry as his cramps increased into a jolting pain, he felt like he was dying. He needed to lie down immediately before he would actually pass out from this. He slowly walked back to his room to lie helplessly on his bed. All he could do was tuck his knees to his chest as he tried to regain his breath on his pillows.
This time he couldn't run away; he couldn't hide his lies anymore. Sooner or later, his boyfriends would come in and look for him. Only to find him like this. Weak.
He was going to tell them the truth, he had no other choice. He could do this. He could do this! He could do this!!
”Kagami? Kagami, are you alright?!” Akashi asked in a concerned tone.
Or.. maybe not..He didn’t even hear their footsteps with his thoughts being so loud. Instead of a booming of silence in his ears, he could feel his heartbeat increase rapidly.
He opened his eyes to see all of them crowded around him. “Oh yeah, I’m fine.” His voice croaked.
“Kagami, you’re clearly not fine.” Midorima argued, pressing his hands around his face and neck. “You look incredibly pale, and your body heat has increased significantly. You need medicine.”
“And your eyes are red” Aomine pointed out “You’ve been crying too.”
“I haven’t been crying.” He sniffled. “it’s just allergies probably, don’t need regular medicine. It’s something different, you wouldn’t understa-“
“Then make us understand!” Aomine lashed. “What’s been going on with you!?” You’ve been crying and acting strange since yesterday and instead of talking you’re shutting us out!”
Kagami was caught off guard by the sudden aggression, but he was right. He had been crying; it wasn’t allergies. He did need medicine; so very badly.
Kuroko stepped in, “Aomine is right. We can’t do anything.” Kuroko grabbed Kagami’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Unless you tell us what’s going on with you.”
”Yeah, we all care about you a lot and we want to help. It’s okay Kagamicchi. We’ll understand, take your time.” Kise reassured in a calm tone.
'When tigers are left in a vulnerable position where they cannot run from, they will do the following:
1. Attack violently with all their might to protect itself and or young ones
2. Try and hide in a safe place
3. Blend within their surrounding
These are the most common ways tigers protect themselves but, in this case, the tiger isn't in danger.
No, in fact, the tiger seems to be surrounded by the unknown, confused and scared.'
Taiga decides what he thinks is best. He's not going to flee this time, he’s not going to attack nor blend in. He needed to confess whether he liked it or not. He took a deep breath as he opened his mouth.
Nods an okay as he sits up from his bed. This time he can feel his mouth move and words come out, along with his fingers fidgeting with each other
“So I uh- I’m not sick.. you see my stomach hurts a lot, mostly my lower body because I’m.. uh- not a really a boy.” Kagami swallowed his own saliva. “I-I’m uh! I used to be a girl but now I’m a boy. At least I want to be.” His breath increased rapidly as he looked down. The silence began to become increasingly loud and judgmental just like he expected to happen.
Then his vision became blurry, and he explained further “No likeIwanttobeaboy! But I was born a girl and- um- im...on my period. I d-don’t know w-why it gets so bad like this! I-I start to push everyone away and the pain becomes so bad… like now.”
The pain with the humiliation like water and oil, is not very compatible with one another. Then the waterworks came in and they were loud,
“I don't know what's wrong with me Hic! I’m jealous because I'm not a real man and I'll never be! And! Hic! and! and, I was scared how you guys would react because you guys wouldn't love me anymore since who'd love an abnormal freak like me?! I’msosorry!! I lied to you guys! Iwassoscaredtoloseyou” He continued to sob as his hands covered his face and they kept going. He was truly vulnerable; he wailed like a child—something he hadn’t done in years.
Suddenly, he felt hands on his shoulders. “Hey, hey shhh, it’s okay.. we’re not mad at you. You’re the bravest man, we’ve ever met. Shhhhh, let it out. Let it out.” Kagami felt the warmth of so many words and hands hugging around him as tears fell down. "Thank you for telling us, it must have been difficult to keep that secret inside for so long..."
He couldn’t believe it, those words made him cry more. They weren’t ashamed of him!? They were comforting him?! Kagami hiccuped through his words as he wiped his tears from his puffy eyes, “you guys aren’t mad or even grossed out??”
”Of course, not. Not even for a second.” Akashi replied.
“That would be completely idiotic and foolish. You’re still our lover, no matter what.” Midorima advised.
“Kagami we don’t care if you used to be a girl, we still love you for who you are.”
“Yeah, Kaga-Chin, just because you’re different doesn’t make you less of a human. We still love you just as much. Just as much as I love sweets.” Murasakibara said.
“You’re still Kagami Taiga to us. Nothing is going to change that.”
“You’ll forever be our Tiger, Taiga.”
He had never been hugged so tightly but he didn't mind at all, he continued to weep into Akashi's shoulders. "Thank you.. thank you so much...” he shivered, sniffling in pain.
Aomine ruffled his hair “What do you need right now, Taiga?”
“Painkillers and a damp towel please, I put them on the kitchen counter. They should be in a tiny white bottle and the towels are in the bathroom.”
They nodded as half of the group walked out of the room.
“C’mon, lie down. We’re going to take care of you this time. You look like a mess.” Kuroko said. “Akashi and Kise are getting you a warm towel.”
Kagami nodded as he chuckled, he was safe. He was loved. So very much. Kuroko just held his hand as he lay back down. “Don’t ever lie to us again, okay?”
"I won’t.” Kagami wiped away his tears, “not ever again.”
“We love you so much, you know that right?”
"Yeah, I know," Kagami replied.
Midorima returned with a cup of water and the bottle of painkillers, "Sit up slowly." Kagami took the glass of water along with the pills, gulping it down.
Kise and Akashi had returned too, placing the warm towel on his stomach, easing the pain to make it better.
They all kissed him on the cheek, each one different than the last. Usually, Kagami would fight and be all embarrassed about being kissed. This time, he was okay with it. He couldn't fight his love anymore, blushing more and more after each kiss. Which of course, he got teased for by the group.
'All felines expressing happiness by squinting and closing their eyes. It conveys a sense of relief and safety in its environment.
A sense of defense lowers as it shows love and vulnerability. Especially in Tigers.’
Kagami knew he was loved so deeply. He was truly the luckiest guy in the world.