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Billy had only hugged her once. He hadn't even been sober, and he probably didn't even remember. Just one time, but Max thinks about it all the time. Nearly every day, especially after the summer. Maybe if it'd happen more often she'd think about it less. Maybe if everything that happened after hadn't happened, she'd think about it less.
Max remembers everything about the day it happened. She remembers the old house, with its flaking red paint and it's crumbling front steps. She remembers how the house was shitty (drafty and cramped and sort of smelling of mildew when it rained), but you could taste the ocean on the wind most days and it was only a five minute walk to the beach. She remembers the salty briny stink on the wind that day, the rustling of it in the trees. The sound of the street sweeper a few streets over, a distant siren, a dog barking.
Max had gotten gum stuck in her hair. Well, she hadn't. She was twelve and some asshole classmate had stuck it in her long red hair without her knowing. Susan saw it when she got home from school.
Max and her mom spent hours trying to work it out of her hair while angry tears leaked steadily down her face. They'd tried detergent, dish soap, shampoo, her mom's fancy conditioner, but nothing worked. Susan had muttered something about peanut butter helping but they didn't have any in the house. Neil kept a tight budget, which meant there was no running out to grab some from the Kwick Mart on the corner either.
Max didn't want to cut the gum out, she'd been working hard to have long hair, cutting it was not an option. And, her Dad always complimented her long hair, said she got part of it from him. No way was she cutting it.
But Neil had gotten home, taken one look at the mess that was Max's hair (and the kitchen littered with all the products that hadn't worked) and started yelling. Susan had leapt up saying she'd start fixing dinner and get to Max's hair later, asking Max to take the shampoo and conditioner back to the bathroom. Neil hadn't been placated, and before Max or her mom could do anything had grabbed a pair of scissors, cut the chunk of gum tangled hair off.
"Was that so hard?!" He'd shouted and stormed upstairs. Throwing the wad of red hair and pink pink gum on the table in front of Max on his way. Max had burst into tears and screamed at her mother, asking her how she could let him do that and had escaped outside.
That's where Billy found her, huddled on the crumbling concrete front steps, crying into her arms.
Billy had been out all day, school and then immediately out with friends. Neil had been a little looser with his rules and curfews back then, so she hadn't seen Billy. The middle school and high school were nowhere near each other in California, so Susan dropped Max off in the mornings and then she took the bus home. Billy had been like a shadow, or a ghost in those days, hardly home, mostly ignoring everyone, which makes her sad now, now that that's all he is.
It was late. Susan and Neil had gone up to their room after a dinner that Max was forced to join. Neil hadn’t said a word to her, so she sullenly poked at her food until he and her mom went to bed.
Billy likely hadn't expected anyone to be awake when his friends dropped him off. The music they were playing thumped jarringly through the relatively still California night. She heard a burst of laughter and conversation and then Billy was swaying up toward the house as the car squealed its tires and peeled away.
Max shifted around on the steps so he could get by.
"Jesus! What the fuck Maxine?!" Billy had slurred, clutching his heart like some old woman. "The hell are you doing crouched there like some gremlin?"
She'd almost laughed then and had turned to wipe the tears from her face. Billy's face had creased in a frown when he saw.
"Wha' happened?" He slurred, his eyes were hazy, and he looked like he'd be asleep in a few minutes if allowed. He was swaying around a little and Max did not want to deal with him.
"Nothing." She said.
"Liar." He fired back, peering a little closer at her. "What's wrong?" He stumbled a little trying to look at her, which made him giggle before focusing back on her.
"Neil fucking cut a chunk of my hair out because fucking Ryan Watters put gum in my hair!!" Max yelled, hot angry tears falling down her face again. She'd leapt up and turned around so he could see the piece missing at the back.
Billy clucked his tongue sympathetically. It was obvious, a huge chunk gone, right on the top layers of her hair so there was no way to hide it.
"It's not that bad. Tomorrow we can go see my barber, he'll even it all out and make it look better. You can have a new cut to make it all one length." Billy said, shrugging like they were nice to each other like this all the time. They weren't, in fact, this was the longest they'd talked without yelling at each other.
And Max had been yelling just a moment ago.
"But I want it long!" Max whined. Billy fumbled for a cigarette from his pocket and lit up, taking a long pull.
"It'll grow back. If you even it all out, no one will know, and then it'll all grow out one length." Billy said, tilting his head back and exhaling smoke into the smudgy sky like a dragon. Max felt her lip wobble and she looked down at her bare feet on the cool pavement.
She didn't want it cut at all, she liked it long, and she was now missing enough that she would have to cut a few inches off the rest, putting it just a shoulder length which she did not want at all.
Tears flowed down her face, mad at her stupid mom for remarrying some guy who just cut her hair, mad at her stupid step-brother who made cutting the rest sound so reasonable that now she felt stupid for not wanting to, and most of all she was mad at stupid fucking Ryan Watters, who was such an absolute asshole that he put gum in her hair.
"Awww c'mon it's not as bad as all that." Billy said, and suddenly she was pulled into his arms. She went stiff with surprise. He smelled like cigarette smoke and the ocean, and his arms were strong. She felt small and safe held by him like that. He was warm too, blazing heat in the slight chill from the ocean. He wrapped his arms around her, keeping the lit cigarette well away from her.
"I need to cut my hair tomorrow too, we'll go together." He'd mumbled. Max had nodded, a little surprised, and then she'd broke down again, and let him hold her as she cried. He hadn't said anything, but he'd just stood there, arms around her, taking periodic drags from his cigarette while she fisted her hands in the back of his open button-down and sobbed.
Eventually he herded her into the house and went to bed once his cigarette burned down to ash.
He did take her to get her hair cut the next day, cutting his long curls into the mullet he'd have for the rest of his life for the first time. He'd made faces at her in the mirror while she was in the barber’s chair and had called her new cut bitchin'. He'd bought her a Coke and they'd sat on the hood of his car at the beach, with the windows down so they could listen to some metal tape, watching the breeze toy with their new haircuts.
Things soured after that, after he got caught in the backseat of Johnny O'Malley's car, after they moved, after Billy's whole life soured.
But Max always held on to that day, how nice he was. How safe she'd felt when he'd hugged her, how much it'd finally felt like she had the big brother Susan had promised.
Now, Max stares at his grave and aches with missing him. There are a million things she wishes she could say to him, a million mistakes to atone for, a million things this summer she should have noticed. A million times she should have held on to him with both hands and made him see he wasn't alone.
What she wouldn't give to hug him one more time.
To feel safe, and protected with him one more time.
He'd only hugged Billy one time. One time, he'd wrapped his arms around the blonde and held on tight. One time, the other boy had fisted his hands in the back of Steve's jacket and held on just as tight.
Steve can so vividly remember the way Billy smelled, the way his cologne lingered on Steve's jacket for days after. He remembers the tickle of blonde curls against his cheek and neck when he tucked his face into Billy's shoulder. He remembers the smell of cigarette smoke that clung to Billy. He remembers all of it.
Steve couldn't fucking sleep. Nightmares lurked around every corner. He’d given up and slipped out to the car. His parents were home, which was probably part of the problem. His dad did lots of business with people all over the world and had been up late. His mom was still on whatever European Country they'd just been visiting's time, or so she claimed, so when Steve finally gave up on sleeping both parents were still awake and kicking around the huge house.
Steve hadn't been able to sleep with them making noise all night. Hadn't been able to stay asleep with the strange sounds they made in the usually quiet house. So, he snuck out. And by snuck, he really means he walked out the front door and Mr. and Mrs. Harrington didn't even notice.
Steve drove around through sleeping Hawkins. He drove by each of the kid’s houses, the Henderson house was dark, the Sinclair's house was also dark. Steve could see Ted Wheeler asleep in front of the TV under the single lamp on in their house, and he can see Joyce Byers pacing around her kitchen smoking and staring at her fridge.
Steve knew he could have stopped and sat with her, but he just kept driving. He wonders, after everything happened, if he’d stopped what would have changed, would it have changed anything.
He drove by Max's house and noticed that the Camaro wasn't in the drive.
Steve drove on auto pilot after that, turned up the radio and rolled the windows down to try and jolt himself out of his panic.
He pulled into the quarry and for a moment didn't notice the blaring music under his own. But when he cut the engine it became obvious. The Scorpions he thought, pouring from the Camaro's speakers. The headlights from the blue car cut a swath into the darkness and Billy Hargrove stumbled in and out of the lights. He clutched a bottle of something and would periodically scream lyrics into the darkness.
"HERE I AM!!" Billy bellowed in time with the music. Steve just watched him for a moment.
Something drew him toward the other teen, Steve has no idea, even now, what. Maybe the same something that kept him staring at Billy at basketball practice, the same thing that had him tracking the other teen in the halls, the same thing that had him looking for him when he saw his car wasn’t at his house.
"Careful." Steve said, when Billy swayed dangerously close to the edge. Billy turned to stare at him.
"The fuck you doin 'ere?" Billy demanded.
"Can't sleep." Steve said. It was quiet for a beat as the song faded into another. "You got some more of those?" Steve asked, and nodded toward the bottle Billy still held.
Billy just stared at him for a moment, and then pointed toward his car. Steve found another bottle of the cheap malt liquor and did his level best to catch up to Billy.
Steve doesn't remember how much time passed between him grabbing the alcohol and he and Billy stomping around screaming the lyrics to the one Motley Crue song Steve knows.
Steve can remember feeling so free in that moment. Drunk and dancing around the quarry with Billy Hargrove of all people, breathing in the chocking June air, Hawkins smothered in humidity and heat even at midnight.
They collapsed against the hood of the car when the song ended, breathing hard.
"Who knew, me an' pretty boy." Billy'd breathed. He'd fished around in his pockets for a cigarette, before he lit up and took a long drag. He'd offered it to Steve. He'd taken it, and thought about how it had almost been like they'd kissed.
"When you're not trying to kill me, you're not so bad." Steve said.
"Wasn't trynta kill ya, pretty boy." Billy mumbled, blowing smoke toward the sky.
"Had me fooled." Steve breathed. Billy sighed like this was all so frustrating.
"I had a lot of other shit going on. And you're just so damn pretty." Billy gritted out.
Steve had just stared at him.
"What kinds a shit?" Steve asked.
Billy stared at him for a long moment, and then laughed, a cracked brittle sound.
"Like my dad." Billy stated. Steve had seen bruises at practice, had been just as baffled as everyone else when the boy who stripped out of his shirt at every chance he got would suddenly refuse to take it off. Steve can put the puzzle pieces together, even drunk and exhausted.
Steve nodded, stole the cigarette and took another long drag. "I fought monsters that night." Steve whispered. "With a bat with nails through it."
Billy hadn't laughed, to his credit. He'd just kinda looked at Steve for a long wavering moment. "Max screams in her sleep sometimes." He’d whispered it.
And that's the only hint Steve ever got, before July 4th barreled through them, that Billy knew more than he let on.
Steve still regrets the next morning, or two days later when they bumped into each other at Tommy H's party, that Steve hadn't explained. It mighta saved a life or two.
But Steve supposes he'll never know.
Because drunk Steve hadn't said any more, had just finished the cigarette and stared at the stars. He should have. He wishes he had. It was just that the summer night, and the booze, and the boy, he didn’t want to mar it with monsters. Both the kind that took the shape of fathers and the kind with faces full of teeth had no place there.
They talked about basketball, about Doug C. falling off the stage at graduation, about their horrible summer jobs. Billy laughed so hard at the memory of graduation that he slumped into Steve and just sort of stayed there.
After that awful day in July, once Steve can stop reliving the hug, he thinks of the hours or minutes or whatever it was that Billy was a blazing line of heat on his side.
They sat there talking and laughing and chain smoking until the sky lightened.
"Shit!" Steve had said, standing up. "I gotta get home."
"Mommy and Daddy Harrington gonna be worried?" Billy teased. They’d stopped drinking a while ago. Billy wasn’t slurring his words much anymore, but he still looked bleary around the edges. Steve was sure he looked the same.
"Mommy and Daddy Harrington didn't even notice I left. But I have to work so soon." Steve grumbled.
Billy laughed, a bitter thing. "Me too." He said. "Help me up, my ass is asleep."
Steve laughed and grabbed Billy's hand, hauling him up. Billy overcorrected (so maybe they aren’t as sober as originally thought) and landed against Steve. Steve had caught him, arm around him to steady him.
He'd stared at Steve like he'd never seen him before, blue eyes wide. His eyes had darted down to Steve's mouth in almost slow motion.
"Don't hit me." Billy whispered, and then kissed him. It didn't last very long, but it was everything Steve had ever wanted. Billy was warm and he kissed like he did everything, fiercely. Steve had fisted his hands in Billy’s loose tank top, knees wobbling.
The kiss was over quickly, but then Billy hauled him in impossibly closer and held him.
Steve had clung to him too. He'd tucked his face into Billy's shoulder, breathing him in. Billy did the same.
Steve loved the way Billy felt in his arms. Loved the way their bodies fit together. Loved the way Billy was strong and thick where Nancy had been small and slender. Loved the way the longer it went on the more of Billy's weight he took. Loved the way it felt like they'd melted into one another until Steve didn't know where his body ended and Billy's began. Loved the way it felt that Billy's breaths moved in tandem with his, the way he could feel his strong firm chest expand against his. Loved the way Billy smelled of cigarettes and summertime.
Steve had tipped his head against Billy’s and then they'd parted. Steve had assumed they'd see each other again. That things would change. He’d driven home grinning like a fool, and nearly forgot that the kiss had even happened, the hug and the holding felt so good. He’d been excited to feel it again, to wrap his arms around Billy again.
But Billy got possessed two days later, and then he died while Steve watched, helpless to stop it. A scream trapped behind his molars, he arms reaching to catch a man crumpling two stories below.
Steve doesn't get to hold the other boy again until months of meaningless dates and long stupid hours at the video store and sleepless nights blur by. Each day between Steve and the Fourth of July feels a little better and a little worse. The wound Billy’s death left just won’t scab over.
Steve is so grateful that Robin exists and that he knows her. Without her he'd probably not have survived, tempted to give up and follow Billy, and Barb, and Bob and all his pain down to a fucking rest.
But she’s there, handing his number to girls and their fluttering eyelashes across the Family Video counter. Then staring at him and saying gently that Betty or Sue or Mary would take his mind off it. They didn’t. When the girls don’t work, she calls him in the middle of the night, when she can’t sleep and knows he can’t either. She stays at his house all the time, and she holds his hand under the counter at work, white knuckled clinging to him too. Steve doesn’t know how he did any part of his life without Robin Buckley in it.
Robin sleeps on his couch or in one of the many guest rooms more often than not once his parents finally fuck off to Europe full time. He drives her to and from school a lot. Some of her clothes and few posters and cassettes wind up at his place.
He wishes life was easy enough that they could both choose each other. It'd be so much easier to just love her. But he's hung up on a dead boy, and Robin is hung up on someone she won’t let Steve guess at.
He's gotten good at wrestling the pain back enough to passably say he's fine when the kids or the adults ask.
Robin sees through him every time. But he sees through her pinched smiles and furrowed brows.
So of course, the Upside Down jumps back in.
It's supposed to be Spring Break. He's supposed to get to spend hours watching movies with Robin, teasing her about the girl she likes, and driving Dustin around while his mom works.
He's not supposed to be hanging out with Eddie Munson, who he bought weed off one time at a party, and who is also wanted for murder. At least listening to Eddie gush about Chrissy is funny. He's not sure what they are to each other, but he knows that they spent the night getting high at Eddies trailer while the other cheerleader who looks a lot like Chrissy was murdered. Eddie is suspected in her murder because some moms freaked out about his DnD club (Led by Chrissy’s stupid ex-boyfriend who’s mad she dumped him).
Chrissy keeps asking Dustin about Eddie, which Eddie demands to know about every time they see him.
Steve kinda likes him, even if he's a little worried Dustin is replacing him. Eddie is unapologetically himself and Steve’s always liked that in his friends.
But it's a whole mess, that leads to Steve being yanked into the Upside Down.
And they're fighting off demo-bats and yelling and running. They are biking toward Eddie's trailer where they suspect another gate is when Steve suddenly pulls his bike up short. He's staring toward Cherry Lane, and there's just… there's something there.
The others are easy to convince to go that way, though Eddie yells and swears up a storm as he has been d this whole time. Robin keeps shooting him glances and Nancy has that worried pucker between her brows she'd always get when she thought he was being ridiculous, but she was going along anyway.
Steve stops right in front of the Hargrove-Mayfield house. It's just as rotted as everything else.
"Steve…" Robin says. But Steve is off his bike, staring at the front porch, with its door hanging off its hinges.
"The fuck are we doing here?" Eddie demands. Nancy's frown deepens.
Robin leans over, and Steve knows she means to be quiet, but every sound seems loud in the Upside Down.
"He's got like a whole thing for Hargrove, the guy who… died last summer." Robin says. Maybe he should be mad. He didn’t tell Nancy about Billy, he’s only told Robin, and that was only because she had to keep him from vaulting a damn second story railing in a mall on the Fourth of July. She’d seen it on his face, said later she knew love when she saw it. Steve’s tears and shaking after that had been answer enough.
He isn’t mad though. Because Eddie has a very long winded rant about Judd Nelson that he launches into at the drop of the hat ("It's just that Claire doesn't get him, Steve! He needs someone tough, someone who's been there, someone who can understand, and we could share clothes which would just be amazing! Harrington are you listening?!") (Chrissy is aware, she thinks its cute, but she thinks everything he does is cute). He’s seen the way Nancy has been looking at Robin, and Nancy knew about the time he and Tommy H gave each other blow jobs at the quarry one time just to see what it was like.
And listen, they are trapped in an alternate dimension, where monsters could literally attack them at any moment. Steve being into a dead boy isn’t the biggest fish to fry at this moment.
Steve can practically feel Nancy's anxiety to get out of here, but he just climbs the steps, shouldering past the door. There is a far off cry of some beast, and they all turn toward it. It's a way away, but Steve still shudders. Robin climbs the steps next to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't need you to say it." He mumbles.
"Good I wasn't gonna." She replies. "I know you miss him." Steve nods and steps into the house. Robin follows.
There's the same amount of rot and vines and decay as everywhere else. Steve pads through the rooms. It's just as empty, and still as everywhere else. Steve pushes open bedroom doors, and peers around. He can’t remember who lived here before Billy moved in, but there’s a lot of rotting decaying lace and quilts everywhere.
Robin hovers a step behind him, letting him do this, have this.
And then there's a blur of motion at the end of the hall. They both turn toward it. Steve hefts the broken oar that's somehow still in his fist, Robin grabs the metal pipe she pilfered from somewhere and they start down the hall.
The sound of ragged breathing reaches them first. It doesn't sound like a demodog, sounds more panicked, Steve wonders if some animal got trapped down here. He doesn’t see how, but nothing else makes sense.
They turn the corner, and Steve stops so suddenly Robin slams into his back.
"Holy shit." She whispers, peering around him.
“Billy?!" Steve demands. The figure whips around. He's wearing the same tank top he died in, but it's more grey than white at this point with big black stains on the front, and it's ripped in more places than it isn’t. His jeans are just as discolored and just as tattered. And his boots are falling apart. His hair is wild, and long, hanging in his face. His blue eyes are wide, and vivid. He's breathing hard, but he is undeniably Billy Hargrove.
"I really have to be dreaming now." Billy whispers, his voice cracking and breaking. Like he hasn't spoken in awhile. Like maybe he's been screaming. He's just staring, his eyes darting all over Steve's face. Steve is just staring back. It takes another distant, though not as distant as before, shriek of some creature to snap them out of it. Billy jumps and tenses, turning toward the sound. Steve shakes his head to clear it.
"C'mon. Let's go." Steve says, reaching out and snagging Billy's wrist. Billy is so surprised by the contact that he lets Steve tow him out of the house to the bikes. Eddie's brows climb up, and Nancy's jaw drops.
"There's nowhere to go." Billy mumbles, dejected. He stumbles over his own feet, and his eyes dart around, always landing back on Steve.
Steve turns to him, as Robin goes over and exchanges a confused mumble with Nancy. Steve can't help it, he reaches out and tucks some of Billy's hair behind his ear. Billy's eyes flutter shut and he sways on his feet, reminiscent of that night so long ago.
"We know of another gate, we know how to get there. We know how to get out." Steve says, cupping Billy's face. Billy breathes, and shifts, looking like he might bolt. "We are gonna get you out of here."
Billy's knees buckle, and Steve has to catch him. He clings to the front of the vest Eddie gave Steve that he forgot he’s still wearing. Steve holds him, pulls him in, and winds an arm around his waist. Billy stares at him.
"You're real." He breathes, the words caught between a statement and a question.
"You're alive." Steve replies, brushing some of Billy's curls out of his forehead. Billy makes a sound, some sort of cross between a hiccup and a sob, and Steve hauls him closer. They cling to each other. He’s thin and shaking.
"I've got you." Steve whispers. "I'm here." He adds, which makes Billy sob in earnest and cling tighter. "It's alright, it's over." Steve turns his nose into Billy's curls and breathes.
He smells horrible, like the upside down, but also like himself, and Steve will take it. They are gonna leave bruises on each other, clinging like this, but it would take a lot to drag him away. "It's over baby. I found you." Steve says. Billy shudders.
"Get me out of here, pretty boy." Billy croaks. Steve pulls back enough to look in Billy's eyes. Tears are making dirty tracks down his cheeks, and he's shaking. Steve tips their foreheads together.
"You got it." He says.
Billy has to balance on the handlebars of Steve's bike, and he keeps looking over his shoulder, staring at Steve like he still thinks he's dreaming. No one makes a joke, but Eddie sure looks like he wants to.
The gate is right where they think it should be. As are the kids. They make a blanket ladder, Eddie remarking about the trippy-ness of seeing the kids in the ceiling but knowing the kids are looking up at them.
Billy hovers in the shadows, eyes wide. They've caught glimpses of Max, Steve felt Billy's breath catch when he saw her. Billy is clinging to his hand.
"Want me to go first?" Steve whispers, once Eddie has dropped onto the mattress and Nancy and Robin have followed. There was a moment, where Robin catches Nancy and they stare at each other for a long moment, so maybe Steve has a pretty good guess at who Robin is hung up on.
Billy eyes the blankets knotted together and shifts. Steve pulls him in, all those months pining to have the other boy back in his arms and he can't resist now. He winds up sort of wrapped around Billy's side. He presses a kiss to his head.
"Think about the shower and the food waiting for you." Steve whispers. Billy leans into him. "Clean clothes, a bed. Getting out of here." Billy grips the arm Steve has across his chest, and takes a deep breath.
"You'll stay with me?" Billy whispers. Steve nods against Billy's head.
"Whatever you want baby." Steve whispers.
"Go first and catch me?" Billy whispers. Steve nods, reluctantly stepping away. There’s a moment when he lands on the mattress that he’s worried Billy won’t follow.
But he does. Billy climbs slowly and then he falls right through the ceiling into Steve's arms. Right with them, where he should be.
That second hug felt even better than the first to Max.
When Billy literally tumbled out of the ceiling into Steve's arms all she can do is gape at him.
"Billy?!" Max shrieks. The world has narrowed, honed in on him, shaking and there in Steve's arms. Steve sets him on his feet, he wobbles dangerously on the mattress but he's staring at her.
"Maxine." Billy breathes. It's like he's hit play on the tape and the world screeches back into motion around her. She hiccups on a sob and launches into Billy. He oofs a little when she connects and they tumble down into the mattress.
He's filthy, and he smells horrible, the stench of decay and a body in crisis acrid in her nose. He's thin, she can feel all his bones, and he's trembling in a way that seems involuntary. His hair against her face is lank and greasy. He's frankly disgusting. But she doesn't care, because his arms wind around her and grip her tight, and it's the best scent in the world, and it's the best feeling because he's here he's alive. She can't want more than that. He doesn't say anything, but she doesn't either. They don't need to. The tears wetting his disgusting grey tank top and the tears wetting her hair speak enough.
He still feels just as safe as he did that first time. She feels just as protected.
Steve corrals the other high schoolers into calling Joyce and Owens. She's distantly aware of the other kids being bodily hauled out of the room by Steve and Eddie. But she burrows closer to Billy, who clings tighter in return.
Steve gets in a screaming match with Owens when he tries to take Billy to the hospital. It makes both her and Billy jump. She and Steve had to support him out to the ambulance, but when Owens said they'd head to the hospital and call Steve and Max later, Steve just flatly said no. He was just staring at her brother, as Billy stared back. Max and Steve hadn't missed the look of terror on his face when Ownes said that.
Owens tried to insist, motioning the EMTs closer, but Steve kept saying no.
"Mr. Harrington, he needs medical attention." Ownes snapped.
"And I said NO HOSPITAL!!" Steve shouted.
They compromise, getting Billy to sit in the ambulance, clinging to Steve and to her while an IV drip of some nutrients and fluids pours into his arm. He shakes and his eyelids droop but he refuses to sleep. Max bites her lip, hard, watching Steve help Billy lie back on the gurney. She steps back so he can manhandle one of the strongest people she ever knew into lying back because he can’t manage it on his own. Billy is trembling, so hard the gurney is faintly rattling.
"Baby, you must be exhausted, sleep. We'll be right here." Steve whispers, brushing his curls back. Billy shakes his head.
"I'll close my eyes, and you'll go away." He croaks. Max has to press her hand to her mouth to stop the sound trying to escape.
"No, we won't." Steve whispers. "No, baby, I'll be right here, and I'll wake you when the IV is done, and then I'll take you to my house, and get you in clean clothes and a shower, yeah? Sleep. And if you don't trust me, you've got Max here, and she's tough as nails, you think she'd let anyone come take you from her now that's she got you back?" Steve says. Billy turns to look at her.
Max huffs and crawls onto the gurney with him, tucking into Billy's side. He clings to her.
"We are right here, you're safe Billy." She whispers. "We won't let anything happen." He doesn't respond, but she knows him, knows he's about to cry or yell. Instead he grabs her hand in a shockingly firm grip and reaches for Steve to do the same.
Billy doesn't want to, but eventually his body gives him no choice and he drops into sleep all at once, body going limp on the gurney. Max has to cover her mouth again when she starts crying, again.
"Shhhh Max, it's ok. He's alive." Steve whispers, brushing some of her hair back too, reaching across Billy's still form.
"Can I come stay at your house tonight?" She whispers. She can't go back to her trailer, she can't be away from him.
"Of course." Steve says. "Max, of course. I would not dream of separating you. I don't think I can let him out of my sight, I imagine you feel much worse." Steve smiles, and Max cries again. Steve makes the face that Dustin always calls his mom face, and reaches over to take her free hand. She grips him tight, and it's gotta hurt, but he just makes soothing noises and lets her dose against Billy's shoulder.
Robin pokes her head in a little while later. “I’m gonna take the kids home with Nancy. Owens is dealing with the Eddie situation.”
Steve nods. “I’m gonna take Max and Billy back to my house, do I need to pick you up on the way?” Steve asks.
Billy breathes deep and she glances at him, but he’s still sleeping.
Robin smiles softly. “No, I…. uh. I’m gonna stay with Nancy, let you settle your boy in.”
“You’re welcome at my house, you know that.” Steve says. Robin smiles.
“I’m not what you need to worry about dingus. Take care of your boy and his tough as nails little sister.” Robin says. Max smiles weakly at her. Robin leans over and squeezes Steve’s shoulder.
“Call if you need me, I’ll be at Nancy’s, ok?” She says. She gently bumps their heads together. Steve smiles.
“Thanks Buckles.” He says. Robin grins and turns to Max.
“Hang in there.” She says a little awkwardly, but she leans over to squeeze Max’s shoulder too.
Once Billy's IV is finished the paramedics release him, glaring at Steve until he promises to make Billy drink lots of water and to give him broth and plain foods for a few days while he adjusts to eating real food again. Owens makes him and Max swear that they will bring Billy in for counseling in a few days once he's more settled. Steve does and gently wakes Billy.
He wakes fighting, a yell trapped between his teeth. Max jolts back, not knowing what to do.
"Shhh, baby, just me." Steve whispers. Billy shudders and clings to Steve. "I got you, I'm here. Let's go home." Billy's eyes slide towards her, and he relaxes a little once he's seen her.
Billy shivers and jumps at every sound on the way to the Beemer. They gave him one of those foil blankets and someone’s coat but he seems freezing. His grip on Steve has got to be painful, but Steve just walks calmly beside him.
Max slides into the back seat and lets Steve take them home. Billy white knuckles the whole drive. Steve chatters, uselessly and about nothing, but neither she nor Billy say anything.
"Max, go upstairs, grab the fluffy blankets off my bed, and clean sweats from the third drawer in my dresser and put them in the dryer, set it for low, and like twenty minutes ok?" He asks, as he unlocks the front door and helps Billy inside.
Max nods. "What are you guys gonna do?" She whispers, she wants to help, but she wants to make sure Billy is safe.
She's worried if she lets him out of her sight he will just vanish, leaving her alone again. She thinks of her mom, unable to shake herself out of a second abandonment by her second husband. She thinks of Steve, and how she's seen how haunted he's looked. She'd, hell they'd all, assumed that he'd looked like that because of the Russians. But she can see how firm the grip on Billy is, and she's heard the pet names and the softness in his voice when he talks to him.
She doesn't have it in her to survive losing Billy a second time, not when she finally has a chance to fix what was broken between them. And she doesn't have it in her to watch Steve lose him a second time. She shivers, even though Steve's house is almost too hot. She can't lose him again. She can't.
Steve's soft smile and the way he looks at her, she can tell that he is thinking all the same things she is.
"We are gonna shower." It's a testament to all Billy has been through and Max's shock at having him back that they don't make any remark on Steve implying they will shower together. She thinks about it briefly, but can see that it doesn't even occur to Billy.
"What else can I do?" She asks, shifting.
“Come ‘ere Maxine.” Billy croaks. She goes, and he hauls her in, sort of hunching around her. She breathes out.
“Don’t leave again.” She whispers, hating that she feels like a little kid. Billy seems to understand though.
“I’m not planning on it. And I don’t think either of you will let me.” Billy says.
“You’re fucking right.” Max mumbles into his chest at the same time Steve says:
“I’d like to see you try.”
Max exhales and steps back. Billy manages a shadow of a grin.
"Bring the sweats upstairs when they are done, and get a glass of water for Billy please.” Steve says, stepping back up to support Billy when she releases him. “You can eat anything you want Max.” He starts to guide Billy up the stairs. Max scampers past and gathers the clothes and blankets, then scampers back past them to put them in the dryer. She stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks up at them, Billy slumped into Steve.
She breathes out. She trusts Steve with her life, and knows she can trust him with her brother’s.
The thrill of having Billy back in his arms doesn't fade as Steve guides Billy up the stairs and toward his parents’ giant ensuite bathroom, with its huge jacuzzi tub. He helps Billy sit on the closed toilet and turns the taps on, making the water as warm as possible without burning. Billy is shaking, almost constantly. Steve isn't sure if he's cold, in shock, or some awful combination of the two.
"Want me to go, or do you need help?" Steve asks as the tub fills.
"I…" Billy looks like he'd make a quip, or something, but he doesn't. "Can you stay? I don't think I'm strong enough." He whispers. Steve nods and adds some of his moms expensive bubble bath shit. He toes off his own shoes and socks, and then reaches for Billy.
He gently pulls his boots off, tossing them aside. One of them literally disintegrates after a few bounces on the pristine tile. Steve tosses the other after it. He carefully peels Billy's disgusting tank top off, tossing it toward his boots.
He helps Billy stand and helps him shimmy out of his jeans. He doesn't look, but there's no real danger, this is one of the least sexy things Steve's ever done. Not that he hasn't replayed the touch of Billy's lips on his since last summer, but Billy is thin, and his skin is covered in Upside Down gunk, except for a clean patch at his elbow where they stuck him with the IV. He's still trembling. Steve can see all sorts of scars, some from July 4th and some from the months following. Right now, he just need to get Billy clean and warm. Kissing, and dicks, and all that can come later. Right now, Steve just wants Billy to feel safe, to realize that it's over, he's out.
He helps Billy step into the tub and settle on the bottom, so the warm water laps at his neck. Billy sighs and leans back into the side of the tub. Steve's mom has a fancy neck pillow thing designed for the edge of the tub and Steve helps Billy lean against it.
"Warm enough?" Steve asks. Billy nods a little, eyes dropping closed. Steve perches on the little step up into the tub and just watches Billy's face. He lets Billy just luxuriate in the bath for a minute.
"Give me your arm, let's see if the golden Cali boy is still under there." Steve says after a little while, grabbing a washcloth and some body wash. Billy gives him an arm and rolls his head to watch. Steve is gentle, but it takes some scrubbing to get all the dirt and gunk off him.
"You're staring." Steve mumbles, lathering more soap on the washcloth.
"Can't believe you found me." Billy whispers. Steve glances up, meets blue blue eyes.
"I can't believe you're alive." Steve says, reaching for Billy's other arm. Billy ends up having to lie on his side so Steve can reach.
"Why, you miss me?" Billy says, in a hint of his old self. Steve's chest hitches, and he has to swallow hard before he can meet Billy's eyes. He drops the washcloth with a wet plop on the tile. He uses the hand that was holding it to cup Billy's cheek.
"Every damn day." Steve whispers. Billy's breath stutters and he blinks. He leans his head into Steve's palm. "Awful rude of you to kiss me and then leave me." Steve whispers. He's not sure they can joke about this yet, but he doesn't know what else to do, doesn't know how to tell Billy all the sleepless, tearful nights apart, doesn't know how to explain how much he's ached to touch the other boy again. None of that Billy needs to carry or hear right now. A joke is all he can do, now that Billy is here, is safe.
"I won't do it again." Billy whispers.
"Kiss me or leave me?" Steve asks, leaning forward. Billy wets his lips and exhales a little shakily.
"Leave you." He breathes.
"Good, cause I'm never letting you go." Steve replies and closes the distance between them. It's not as good as their first kiss. Billy is shaky, and tired, and his lips are chapped as hell. But it's almost better because Billy is here, and Steve meant it, he's never letting him go.
Steve pulls back and smiles gently at Billy. Neither say anything about the tears gathering in the other’s lashes.
"Sit up, so I can reach your chest and your back." He says.
It takes another several minutes, a water change, and hoisting Billy up to lean against one of Steve's arms while Steve does his best to wash his hair.
"It might have to be cut." Steve mumbles, working at a particularly matted clump of curls.
"Let's do it, it was a pain in my ass down there and I'm sick of it." Billy mumbles. Steve leans him back and nods.
"Give me one second, my clippers are in my bathroom, I'll be right back." Steve says.
Max is sitting on the floor in the hall outside. She springs up when she sees him.
"Is he ok?!" She demands. "You've been in there for ages."
"He's alright, just filthy, I'm gonna cut his hair. That's the last thing, would you stick the sweats back in the dryer so they are warm, these towels too?" She nods and goes running down the stairs again.
Steve finds his clippers and comes back to the bathroom. Billy lolls his head to look at him.
"It's gonna be pretty short, but I think you'll feel better." Steve explains.
"I already feel better." Billy mumbles. Steve smiles and leans down, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
"Sit up a little." Steve says and helps Billy do so. He switches on the razor and goes to work. It's not the best of course. But after it's all off, Steve can see the dirt still caked on his scalp. After some fancy shampoo, Billy is finally, completely, clean. He has to do most of the work in getting Billy out of the tub and seated on the closed toilet. He uses the warm towels to dry Billy off completely.
He helps Billy into clean boxers and the dryer warm sweats that Max set outside the bathroom for them. Billy slumps against him, and Steve has to do most of the work dressing him too. He doesn't mind. It's still amazing to have the man in his arms. Once he's dressed, Steve just holds him, breathes him in.
"Knew that Cali boy was still under all that grime." Steve says. Billy smiles a little, sags a little further into Steve.
"You hungry?" Steve whispers.
"I've been hungry for months." Billy replies. It is almost a cheesy line, it should come with a leer and that wagging tongue, but Steve can feel how slight in his arms Billy is, and his heart aches.
"Ok, let me feed you." He replies and helps Billy downstairs. Max launches at them, only slowing down at the last minute, so she slides past them a few inches on her socked feet on the polished hardwood floor. She comes bouncing back to them, and her hands flutter like she wants to reach for Billy.
"C'mere shitbird." Billy grumbles, which makes Max's breath catch and she burrows into Billy's chest.
Steve leaves her to hold him up, and pads into the kitchen. Night is falling, and Steve turns on every light he passes. He rummages in the big chest freezer in the garage, leaving the door open so he can hear Max and Billy mumble to each other.
It’s well stocked, his grandma in Italy insisted he learn to cook. He's been stupidly grateful for her and her lessons for years, ever since his parents started leaving him home alone all the time, and since adopting the pack of kids. Now he's even more grateful, and he silently sends his Nonna a heartfelt thanks to wherever she is beyond the grave that his freezer is stocked with containers of frozen broth, soup, and sauce. He chooses some chicken bone broth to reheat for Billy. He grabs another container of chicken and rice soup for him and Max.
Max has settled Billy on the couch, they are slumped into each other. Max is holding one of his hands in both of hers, and he's leaning his head against hers. They're talking quietly to each other. Steve smiles fondly and puts two pots on the stove, adding the frozen broth to one and the soup to another, adding a bit of water to each. It takes a while, but soon the kitchen smells rich and savory, the soup making the house feel homey. Steve grabs a TV tray and loads up two bowls of the chicken and rice for him and Max, adding some oyster crackers to the tray in case they want it, and fills another bowl with the bone broth for Billy.
"Here. Eat." Steve says, setting the tray on the coffee table. He fills tall glasses with water for each of them, because it's been a taxing day and he knows Max hasn't been drinking much water today.
"All the way from Italy, Nonna Allegro's famous chicken and rice soup, and her healing bone broth that she swore could cure anything." Steve says with a flourish, passing out bowls. Billy gets the tray balanced on his lap since he's still shaky. Max tucks into her soup, and slowly slumps further into the couch and Billy's side with each bite. Steve smiles and eats his own. It's good, warming him from the inside out, tasting of comfort and home.
"Did you make this?" Max asks.
"Yeah, a while ago. It and the bone broth freezes pretty well, means that I can just reheat it for times like this." Steve says.
"It's real good." Billy mumbles.
"There's more if you want it." Steve supplies.
Between the three of them, all of the broth and soup is finished. Steve makes Billy drink three glasses of water.
Steve leaves the siblings on the couch, both kind of dozing against each other, and goes upstairs to make up one of the beds in the guest room (the one across the hall from the one Robin’s claimed). He brings in one of the camp beds he bought when the kids started sleeping over and puts sheets on that too.
"C'mon, lets not make Billy sleep on the couch after everything he's been through." Steve says. They both help Billy up the stairs. Steve makes them both brush their teeth, sort of obsessed with the thought of Billy staying and being clean.
"Where are you gonna sleep?" Max whispers.
"My room's just across the hall, you know that Max." Steve chides, helping Billy into bed. "Max, why don't you take a quick shower, I want to get this day off of us." Max nods and begins to clamber off where she flopped on the camp bed.
"Stay." Billy mumbles.
Steve nods. "If you want me to." He whispers.
"If I hear you two kissing I'm going to throw up." Max grumbles as she leaves which makes both of them chuckle. Steve leaves briefly to shower once Max comes back and changes his clothes himself and then slides into bed beside Billy. Billy instantly rolls over and plasters himself to Steve's chest. It's the easiest thing in the world to wrap his arms around the other boy, hold him close. The easiest thing in the world to finally get to hold the other boy in his arms again and know that he gets to keep doing it for as long as he can.
Max will never get used to Billy being back. To being able to walk up to him and just burrow into his side, to laugh with him again, to make fun of him again. She missed him so much, and she is so glad he's back.
They closed the gate, Max isn't sure how and she doesn't care. The point is that they are safe, for now.
The morning after they found Billy, Steve made a big breakfast (pancakes and eggs and bacon for her and him, more bone broth for Billy to keep his stomach from rebelling). Billy finished eating and looked at Steve and said "I hope you meant it when you said never letting me go, cause you're fucking stuck with me now pretty boy. I have no interest in being anywhere you aren't."
Steve had gone a little mushy, a little soft. Max made a face, but Billy was dead serious. He was just staring at Steve levelly, and she knew he was dead serious.
"I meant it baby. This is your home, no question." Steve said. Billy had slumped in relief, like he was worried Steve would deny him anything.
"You too, Max." Steve had said. "My parents are gone, and I know your mom has been struggling, if you want to stay with us, please do." Max had blinked. “Robin stays here too sometimes, but I got lots of room.”
"C'mon Shitbird." Billy had said. And that had been that. They'd driven to her trailer where she told her mom she was gonna go stay with Steve and Billy. Susan had taken one look at Billy and screamed about ghosts, and told them all to get the hell out. Max ached for her mom, still does, but she has a hard time forgiving the way Susan stood by and let Neil abuse Billy all those years. A hard time with the way she disappeared when that piece of shit finally fucked off.
Steve lets her choose a guest room and lets her paint it and put up posters. Robin helps her decorate too, taking her to the thrift store to find stuff to decorate. Robin essentially lives there too, and it’s nice it’s really nice. It feels more like a family than whatever sham Susan and Neil tried to force on them and Max revels in it. She knows Billy does too.
Billy gets better. Steadily, and slowly, and sometimes she hears him screaming in the night, but Owens starts getting him better.
He's different. Of course he is. He's slower, using cation down the stairs and when walking, either from the injuries or the need to be quiet while he was there, some habits so deeply set he can’t shake them. He's jumpier, she and Steve and Robin have started loudly announcing where they are in the house so he knows. She and Billy sometimes do this by shouting swearwords back at each other, which makes Steve laugh. He's still sharp, still Billy, but sometimes he clings to them. She's found him clinging to Steve, shaking, while Steve murmured reassurances. He's cling tight to her arm in the store once when an engine revved unexpectedly outside. And he’s touchier, he snags all of them in for hugs now. He’s always clapping the Party on the back, and he let’s Joyce tug him into long hugs. He’s the most grabby with Steve, but she ranks a close second.
She peers in the kitchen now, where he's standing looking at the backyard, drinking coffee. He's been back for six months now. He's mostly eating real food now, (Steve’s good cooking doing wonders for bulking him back up) and he's sleep schedule is getting closer to normal.
"I can feel you lurking, Maxine." He says, turning to look at her. He's wearing Steve's clothes. Steve bought him a whole new wardrobe, but he likes Steve's clothes. He's in a pair of basketball shorts and a Wham! sweatshirt, because he's always cold now.
"I'm not lurking. What were you doing?" She snarks back. He smiles.
"Just thinking." Billy responds. "You remember that time before we moved, when you got gum in your hair?" Max is floored, she didn't think he remembered.
"You remember that?" She asks, surprised.
He smiles. "'Course, that was when I got the mullet. And when I realized we were both trapped there." He pauses, takes a long sip of his coffee. "I know I didn't treat you right back then." He adds
"Billy." She says.
"No, I… I'm sorry Max, truly. When I was stuck down there, I kept thinking about what I'd do if I ever got out." He says.
"And remembering my stupid haircut made the list?" She snarks.
"No." Billy smiles, setting down his coffee cup. He comes over and yanks her into his arms. "No, I wanted to hug my little sister again and tell her that I loved her." He says, his voice breaking only a little.
She hiccups and chokes on a sob and throws her arms around him. He clings right back, and for a long time they just sob against each other. He still feels just as safe and protective as he did that first time. As he has all of the numerous times since.
"I love you too." She whispers. Billy nods against her head and holds her tight.
"I also wanted to kiss Steve Harrington again." Billy mumbles after a while.
"God Billy you two were having such a nice moment!" Steve cries from the door way, where she hadn't even heard him come in.
Max groans and shoves him away. Billy cackles, swipes a hand over his face to wipe his tears, ruffles Max's hair to mess it up, and hauls Steve in for a kiss, laughing the whole time.
She sniffles, but she can't stop the matching grin from splitting her face wide open. It's so good to have him back, especially when he messes up Steve's hair and dances out of reach, still cackling, shooting her a conspiratory grin over his shoulder.