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Jungwon yaws feeling exhausted by tonight's practice, the blond is currently stretching his legs while waiting for his roommate. Usually when his dance class ends, the young male returns home with his roommate Sunoo.
The latter is entering the practice room with his usual bright face. The black haired male sits on the floor next to Jungwon who continues his stretching. The pair starts to talk about what they should eat for dinner when a short sound echoes from the older's phone.
"Oh it's Riki!" Sunoo says excitedly as he reads on his phone with a bright expression. "He wants to treat me to dinner, do you want to join?" He looks up from his phone head tilted to the side. From his sitting position on the floor Jungwon shakes his head shifting position to stretch his left leg instead.
"And thirdwhill you two? No thanks." Doing a front split, the blond leans his torso as close to the floor as possible and lets out a sigh, it feels good. "Well now that we're on the dating topic." The older brings his bag on his lap resting his hands on top. "Maybe you should consider dating again."
From his position Jungwon's face is turned down to the floor, it's impossible for Sunoo to get a glimpse of his eyes and his face. If he could, he would see the pained light laying inside of the blond's round eyes. Dating is a sensible subject for Jungwon, a boyfriend is the last on his mind now.
Straightening his posture the man imitates Sunoo sitting in the same position as his friend. "No." It's short and clear, Jungwon isn't ready.....yet. Sunoo doesn't push it any further and Jungwon is grateful for it, hearing his roommate complains about how lonely Jungwon looks wouldn't do him any good today.
"Now let's go, Riki is waiting for you."
**
When Jungwon moved to Seoul three years ago when he got accepted into his dance academy, his only goal was to be the best. It still is but back then Jungwon was really harsh on himself. Now, the blond knows when to give his all during practice and for his recitals and when to let it go and relaxe.
That's why he is waiting in line to get diner from his favorite place, nothing is better than taking a warm bath and eat a delicious meal to get all relaxed before heading to bed. At least that's his plan for tonight. Sunoo will be late so Jungwon may as well enjoy some relaxing time.
"Hi! What can I get you?" Looking for his wallet in his sport bag, Jungwon takes a few steps to the cashier while taking out the object. He knows this place by heart so he doesn't waste time looking through the menu. "I'll take the Japanese beef cur- Beomgyu hyung?" Jungwon's eyes widen seeing the man in front of him.
Choi Beomgyu changed a lot in two years, starting from his hair color who's now the complete opposite of his usual black hair. The older is now blond just like Jungwon himself.
"Oh hey Jungwon! The curry? Yes of course." The man types on the register Jungwon's order, a smile displayed on his pink lips. "Will it be all?" Beomgyu glances at Jungwon who is still so confused to see him there, nevertheless he manages to nod. "Perfect it will be 12.534 won please."
The dancer gives him his credit card that Beomgyu gives back when the meal is paid. The dancer thanks putting back his wallet in his bag.
"Hyung what are you doing here?" Jungwon finally asks what was laying on the top of his tongue. "Oh this is my aunt restaurant I'm helping for today." Beomgyu smiles again eyes forming crescents.
"No I meant aren't you currently touring? With your band?" Jungwon hates how it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Talking about toenze shouldn't make him care this much, at least not anymore. "No the tour ended a couple months ago, it was fun but it's nice to get back to a normal life."
Jungwon's lips stretch into a smile as he nods gently, he exchanges a few more words with Beomgyu before saying his goodbye waiting for his food in a different line.
So toenze tour is over and they're all going back to a normal life? Two years ago Jungwon would have been the happiest now though, it feels bittersweet. It's even worse knowing that it's really the end now, Jungwon secretly hoped for two years that maybe, just maybe he didn't need to close the favorite chapter of his life.
Life was determined to prove him wrong because if Beomgyu is back in town helping his aunt business, then he should be back to righ? Yet calling or reaching for Jungwon was too much of a task to make things right between them.
When a cashier calls his name, Jungwon takes his order eager to get back to his shared apartment with Sunoo, ignoring the aching of his chest.
**
Being in a dance academy doesn't mean having more free time than any of the college students his age. On the contrary it means being busier and busier, it's a miracle to even have a social life outside of all the practices compiled with the regular classes.
Sometimes Jungwon wonders how Riki can manage to have good grades yet being consistent at the academy while dating Sunoo. The younger is a dancer too even though it's not the same genre as Jungwon. Riki is more the hip hop kind of guy, yet it doesn't seem hard for them to see each other. Jungwon knows that if he had someone in his life right now he would be so tired at the end of the day.
His days consist of morning classes then lunch break and then six hours of dance. How he manages to still be awake and keeping his body functioning is a secret for Jungwon because despite how he should be used to it, it doesn't help his muscles to be sore every night. He wouldn't be alive without his daily massages thanks to his muscles roll who's just life changing.
It would be a lie to say it's an easy path, it's tough how his feet hurt, how he needs a good thirty minute of stretching everyday to not pull a muscle. It's a difficult lifestyle yet Jungwon wouldn't change it in an orbit. He loves dancing, ballet has been in the blond's life since he was a child.
It doesn't matter if he needs to putt through sore muscles, it's nothing a warm bath can't fix. Except there is, because Jungwon's body is relaxed with the warm water on him yet his brain is wide awake.
Jongseong is back, at least he should be.
Jungwon doesn't know because they stopped talking two years ago and his heart wouldn't handle a quick look at his instagram to get an update of his life. It's funny how Jungwon used to know everything about Jongseong but now they are nothing more than strangers.
Leaving his bath, Jungwon get dressed with a simple white shirt with sweatpants then uses a towel to dry his wet hair. When he exits the bathroom he sees his roommate on the couch watching tv. The man takes a spoon from the kitchen then brings his food with him to the couch.
"What's with this face?" Sunoo ponders from the other side of the couch, remote control in hands as he swipes the channels to look for something interesting to watch. "You never look this sad while eating your favorite food." It's true, eating curry is a precious time for Jungwon yet the blond didn't had some in quite a while.
He now associates curry with a precise moment of his past, it's still his favorite food but it doesn't taste as good as it used to. "I know. " Jungwon murmurs swaying his spoon in the dish.
"I just have a lot to think about." The blond keeps glancing at his plate his lips forming a pout without him nothing. A lot of what ifs rush to his mind since he talked to Beomgyu tonight.
Sunoo's eyes leave the tv to look at his roommate's side profile. Jungwon looks everything but happy right now which doesn't make sense, he was just fine when he saw him earlier today.
"What happened? Care to share it with me?" Sunoo asks gently to not press the younger. The black haired man learned back then how Jungwon doesn't enjoy to talk about his feelings and even less face then.
"I saw Beomgyu hyung today, he told me toenze's tour ended up two months ago." Something twist in Jungwon's stomach so he puts his spoon down on the plate.
"I see." Sunoo starts gazing back to the tv screen. "Do you still think about him?" Sunoo doesn't need to say his name, they both know who he is referring to. It's always about Jongseong anyways. Jungwon's hand brushes his blond hair as he lets out a sigh from his lips.
"I know I shouldn't be, I know it's been two years.....but yeah." Two years since they last talk, two years since they last saw each other, two years since their break up. It's been two years yet Jungwon is in it as deeply as he was when they started.
Without a word, the black haired man leaves the couch to sit next to the blond. Sunoo knows better than anyone else what Jongseong means to the younger.
"I know you hate when I say it but you shouldn't think about someone who doesn't care about you. I know it hurts but you can do it." He squeezes Jungwon's hand like he could share all of his strength with the younger. "If he cared for you he wouldn't have left you like that."
Jungwon swallows hardly the knot forming in his throat. Sometimes he wished he was important enough for Jongseong to stay.
**
Weekend are the best for Jungwon, it's the only time during the week when his schedule isn't packed. Weekend mean chilling in his bed all day, hanging out with his friends or staying with his family like today. After his last class, the blond didn't waste time rushing to his apartment to get his suitcase.
Now on his way home, Jungwon smiles seeing the leaves on the floor, it's the middle of autumn and walking through a pile of leaves still feels as joyful as before. It's probably the only good thing left from this season.
Soon enough, the walk ends when Jungwon spots his childhood house, it feels nice to be back home. The one hour and a half of train made him think about a lot of things. He thought about how it's nice to live in a big city even though it's not as calm or pretty as the countryside.
Jongseong too has been on his mind but it doesn't add anything new, Jungwon just hopes he's happier now.
Stopping at the door, Jungwon brings his fist to the door then knocks three times, the door opens a few minutes later revealing a woman with crinkled eyes and black hair.
Being home feels amazing but the nostalgia lingers in the air whenever Jungwon spend time with his family. Dinner passes quickly between some catching up with his parents. His mother's flower shop is still running while his dad's business is still as good as before.
Once the delicious meal made by his mom was eaten the family gathered in the living room to have a little marathon movies. Taking a break from his hectic life is a reward Jungwon will always be grateful for.
His phone buzzes breaking the calm atmosphere in the living room, Jungwon quickly excuses himself cutting the sound of his phone. It's just a text from his roommate, of course it is.
Sunoo :
You got a letter from your sister it's on my desk.
It's quite odd, usually Sunoo put his mail directly on Jungwon's bed, he must have forget? Or maybe was he in a hurry today? It doesn't matter, Jungwon will get it when he will get back Sunday night. Jungwon wonders how his sister is doing lately. The last time he saw her was four years ago before she took a plane to Italy where she works as a lawyer.
They text and call sometimes when they have the time to reach for each other, sometimes it's through letters that they talk about their life. The blond hopes she's still happy with the guy she met there.
He puts back the device on the coffee table then settles more comfortably on the couch to watch the movie with his parents.
**
Jungwon goes to his apartment the next day, after saying goodbye to his parents and hugging them for a good amount of minutes. The young man shortly went to the coffee shop near his college to get a warm coffee cream before going back to his place. As expected no one was there, it's Sunday afternoon so Sunoo is probably with Riki or hanging out with his friends.
Jungwon doesn't really care he has an assignment to finish, the blond male will just get his letter first before going back to work. The blond quickly goes to his room to throw his bag on the floor before going to Sunoo's.
It still amazes him how their rooms are the complete opposite, Jungwon's room is quite simple with white walls, a queen size bed and a few dance prizes on his shelf alongside with his books. Sunoo's room is lively with a lot of frames of him, his friends and his family.
Spotting the desk is easy, what isn't is finding his sister's letter. There is a big messy stack of papers of different sizes. Why did Jungwon thought Sunoo would have the decency to put it on top? The blonde lets out a sigh at the view of the pile of papers. His roommate should'veput it on his bed.
Nevertheless, the blond flips through papers after papers, the man eyebrows knit together in concentration. College paper no, assignment no, beauty products flyers no, a random love letter no- wait?
Jungwon's eyes stop on the rectangular paper with a frown. Did Sunoo got a secret admirator? Well bad for them his friend is already taken. Except the letter isn't addressed to Sunoo's name and it isn't from some random guys. It's signed by Jongseong, Jungwon's ex who came back from his band tour two months ago.
Jongseong who still haunts his dreams every night, holding his heart with a heavy weight every day since he left him without even saying goodbye.
Hey Won-ah I know you're probably still mad at me but I can't really ignore your big day. I'll be waiting outside for you, join me please? I don't want to influence you in any way the decision is all yours. I'll accept whatever you chose.
Love Jongseong
What?
**
Usually Jungwon is down to earth, being stuck in a disillusion isn't for guys like him at least before having Jongseong in his life. Something about the older makes him forget about all of the mondain principals of his life.
Yet it doesn't explain why Jungwon found a card addressed to him written by Jongseong, his Jongseong, on Sunoo's desk. It doesn't make sense, why would his friend hide something this important for him? It's not an old note, the blonde is sure of it despite how embarrassing it is to admit, he kept all of Jongseong's sweet notes since he left two years ago.
It's strange but when he reads the card for the sixth time maybe it feels more real. Jongseong reached out to him, Jungwon spend the last couple of years thinking that the older didn't cares when he did.
Everything could be so different right now...
Jungwon can't understand why Sunoo did that to him, he was there through it all. He was the first one Jungwon told about Jongseong when they met near the dance academy, it was a chilly autumn night when Jungwon stayed hours after the end of class to practice. At that time he wasn't familiar with Seoul's transport hours so when he left and waited for a bus for nothing, he felt quite lost.
But like an angel coming to save him, Jongseong was there. The older was walking when he saw Jungwon's troubled expression. The young man doesn't know how but soon enough he was in a cab thanks to the older who paid for it. It was embarrassing now that he thinks about it, Jungwon should have been more prepared that night.
Somehow, life was decided to bring Jongseong in his life, Jungwon met him a week later at his academy. It felt odd for the brunette at that time, he didn't thought Jongseong would be into dancing. Turns out he wasn't, Jongseong was just waiting for a friend of his, which Jungwon quickly identified as Riki.
That day, Jungwon gave him back his money but left with Jongseong's number. Since that day, they became close friends and before realizing it, the bridge between friendship and romance was crossed. Sunoo knows it all, so why did he betrayed Jungwon like that?
How much time did he spend sitting on Sunoo's bed with the card is his hands? Jungwon doesn't have an answer but when he hears the keys turning in the door, the signals in his brain were fast enough to get activated. He needs answers.
"Hey I hope you're hungry, I brought Chinese food." Sunoo smiles putting his jacket on the couch. Usually Jungwon would have bring him to a hug because Sunoo is the closest he has to a brother but not today.
"What's that?" He shows the card in his hands with his eyebrows furrowed. Despite the serious look on his face, Jungwon's voice is as soft as velvet. Sunoo frowns eyeing the card, he doesn't remember having it. "I don't know a card I guess." He shrugs sitting on the couch. "I can't see what's written on it from here. Why?"
"It's from Jongseong." Jungwon doesn't miss it, he sees how Sunoo's eye betrayed him. He sees how his eyes widen and the tremble of his lips.
"I can explain." The black haired man stands up the takeout now forgotten on the coffee table. "Explain what? How you stabbed me in the back when I trusted you the most?"
"It's not like that, I didn't for a reason." Sunoo pleads his case with sorry eyes but Jungwon chuckles bitterly eyeing his roommate with disappointment. "Yes of course you did." The sarcasm in his voice would be distinguable five miles away.
"He wasn't good for you Jungwon. You weren't focusing enough during practice, I know how dance is important to you I couldn't let you ruin your dream for a guy." For the older getting in the way of Jungwon's relationship was the best decision. When Jongseong left sure Jungwon was hurt at first but he quickly put all of his energy in dancing.
He needed to lose Jongseong to get back to his focus mindset.
"And I was right you will join Seoul royal ballet in January!" Sunoo takes a few steps to Jungwon but the latter doesn't let him. The blond can't stand seeing his roommate's face.
"I can't believe you did that to me." Never in his life Jungwon thought he would be stabbed like that and not by someone as dear to him as Sunoo.
**
Back then when everything was at their right places, Jungwon never felt more alive then with his lover. Two years ago, his relationship with Jongseong was quite fresh and new, they barely spend a year together.
After only nine months of relationship, Jungwon was still confident in his relationship with the older, their bond was unbreakable.
Jongseong made an habit of always picking up Jungwon after his daily dance practices, because it's his role as Jungwon's boyfriend like he often says. So it doesn't surprise the brunette to see the older male waiting for him near the entrance of the building, with his hands hurried into his jacket's pockets.
Jungwon feels drained out but his energy reapers when he sees his boyfriend. He quickly bids his goodbye to Hyunjin one of his friend from the academy before heading to the older. He throws himself at Jongseong who quickly wraps his arms around Jungwon.
"I'm happy to see you too." Jongseong laughs rubbing gently Jungwon's back. The younger nuzzles his head into the crook of his boyfriend's neck enjoying the scent of his perfume.
"Hyung I'm starving let's have pizza tonight." Jongseong chuckles interlocking his fingers with Jungwon. "You shouldn't keep eating junk food often it's not healthy." The older scolds gently yet with a smile on his face.
The ride to Jongseong's place is comfortable like always with them exchanging small talk while the chill playlist of the older exits through the speaker of the car.
Despite Jongseong's earlier complaint, he does make a quick stop at a pizzeria to get his lover's favorite one. He just can't say no to his pretty eyes. They eat the meal sitting comfortably on Jongseong's couch while watching an action movie.
It feels both sweat and appeasing. Jungwon could never get enough of Jongseong, how the older is always nice and gentle with him. How he is such an amazing person with a beautiful personality. Sometimes calling Jongseong his feels like such a privilege.
Jongseong feels the same too, sometimes love isn't big enough to explain how much he cares for the younger. He wouldn't trade his relationship with the dance for anything in the world.
The next morning, Jungwon wakes up alone on Jongseong's bed, it's quite unsual for a Saturday morning. Jongseong likes to sleep in but he is probably in the bathroom or eating something. A yawn leaves Jungwon's lips while he stretches his sore limbs.
Jungwon loves dancing but he enjoys his rest time just as much. Getting back to sleep sounds like a good plan when he takes a glance at the hour on his phone. It's barely ten am, no one would care if he sleeps a bit more.
The door opens revealing Jongseong with his messy bed hair and tired eyes. It should be unfair to be this adorable even when you just woke up. The older's eyes widen seeing an awake Jungwon in the bed. "Oh you're awake." The man closes the door behind him then takes a few steps towards the bed.
"I have something important to tell you." Jongseong starts with an uneasy feeling in his chest. He knows Jungwon will always support him yet it doesn't take away the doubt in his heart. Jungwon sits on the bed patting the spot next to him.
The dancer ignores why Jongseong is making it a big deal when he will just complain about how Jungwon should eat less junk food right?
The black haired man sits next to his boyfriend with a heavy weight laying on top of his chest. Talking to Jungwon is the guitarist favorite thing in the world. Sometimes he feels like they could talk for ages without ranting out of topics and without getting tired. Being with Jungwon is as easy as breathing.
"You can tell me everything hyung no need to be stressed." Jungwon smiles putting his phone on the bed. Jongseong nods but it's all lies, it's way more important than what Jungwon thinks.
"I got a call from Taerae, do you remember him?" Jongseong starts slowly trying to use the right words. Jungwon nods, yes he does in fact remember Kim Taerae Toenze's pianist and he's a good friend of Jongseong. Jungwon remember being quite insecure at the beginning of their relationship because of him.
"I don't know all the details but the band is hire to open for a popular group for their upcoming tour." Jungwon's smile linger on his lips but the light in his eyes disappears quickly. "You're leaving?"
"Maybe? I don't know." Jongseong sighs feeling conflicted, he feels trapped at a cross road and he doesn't know which path to take. He didn't think it through so having a define answer is too soon.
"You know how important this is to me I'm not sure what to do, I just don't want to regret it later." The older finishes in a breath feeling relief that he spoke his truth.
"But you can't leave, what about me?" Jungwon asks with pleading eyes, Jongseong can't leave them behind.
"I'm not sure about what to do yet but you know I would have appreciate some support of your part." He chuckles bitterly messing his black hair. Jungwon stays silent feeling the words hit him like a sharp knife. "I was expected you to be happy not making me feel guilty about following my childhood dream. If you were to leave I would never hold you back."
As much as it hurts Jongseong would be the happiness for Jungwon, he would pamper him with kisses and warm hugs. Being disappointed? Never. "You're right, I'm sorry."
"You should leave then, don't think about me or our relationship." It sounded way harsher than what Jungwon wanted but he wasn't sorry about it, instead he added more oil to the fire. "What Jungwon-"
"No hyung it's okay really, you will go on tour with your friends and have fun! You'll probably forget about me but who cares right?" Jungwon smiles his project of a nap long forgotten. "I should get going."
"Wait Jungwon that's not what I meant I-" Jongseong tries again but the younger doesn't give him a chance. "No don't even try I'm leaving."
**
When Jungwon got home still in his pajamas and a troubled expression on his face, Sunoo had to ask if his friend was feeling okay.
"Hey what's going on?" He ponders seeing Jungwon's shaken state, the younger looks on the verge of breaking down. "I'm an horrible person." He murmurs glancing to the floor trying to keep the tears threatening to fall on his cheeks.
"What makes you think that?" The older wonders stroking gently Jungwon's back while bringing him to the couch. He sits the dancer on the furniture giving him a tissue seing how wet his eyes are. Sunoo sits next to Jungwon and reaches for the younger's hand to give him strength.
"You know Jongseong is in a band right." The brunette didn't start crying but Jungwon's voice was already shaky. His roommate nods allowing him to continue his narration. "Well they will probably start touring soon. It's an exiting news but I was stupid and mean to him."
Jungwon breaks allowing the hot tears to run down his face. Of course he has to be selfish when he could just be a supportive boyfriend for Jongseong but no he had to make everything about himself.
"Don't say that, I'm sure Jongseong wouldn't stay mad at you for long." Sunoo reassures him in a soft voice but Jungwon shakes his head letting the tears fall even more. "No, I hurt him." He mumbles hiding his face in his hands.
The older wraps his arms around Jungwon stroking gently his hair.
Jungwon wasn't sure what to do, him and Jongseong never had a fight like that. At least Jungwon feels like it's much more than a stupid fight about forgetting to clean the kitchen or throwing your things everywhere in a clean apartment.
No, this time it's about Jungwon not being supportive enough, about Jungwon disregarding Jongseong's feelings. Sunoo advises him to reach out first, to apologize and whatever happens he would be there for him.
Jungwon didn't had the mental strength to call the older, he was scared to disappoint Jongseong even more so he convinced himself to wait for the guitarist. He promised himself to apologize when the older would called him.
But Jongseong never called the day after nor the week after.
**
Seeing Jongseong again wasn't part of Jungwon's schedule yet he needed to make an exception for today. After class he went to the science building of his university. If Jungwon used to know Jongseong by heart there is still someone who does so the blond needed to find him.
"Jaeyun hyung." Jungwon calls for the older when he spots him in an half filled classroom with an open book in front of him. Finding the Australian wasn't hard honestly, Jungwon didn't mind digging some informations.
"Hey Jungwon's it's been a while how are you?" It sure been a while, probably two years. When Jongseong left, Jaeyun didn't call him giving him false hopes about Jongseong caring for him but maybe the story was way more different than what Jungwon thought about. "I'm fine thanks for asking "
"Hyung I have a service to ask you if you don't mind." Jaeyun nods with a gentle smile on his lips, the Australian doesn't mind helping a friend, and even less if it's someone as cute as Jungwon. "Yes of course what is it?" The black haired man closes his book giving his full attention to the younger.
"Do you know where I can find Jongseong?" Saying that it caught Jaeyun out of guard would be an understatement. He brushes his now long hair with an awkward laugh. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yes please." Jungwon voices out with confidence. He can't afford to waste anymore of his precious time. Jaeyun sighs closing shortly his eyes weighing the pros and cons. "Okay but don't tell him it came from me." The blond feels the heavy weight on his shoulder leave making it easier to breath. He couldn't be thankful enough.
"I wont, promise." Jungwon smiles at the Australian with sparkling eyes. He knew he could count on him.
Jaeyun's advice is to go to Jongseong's new favorite coffee shop in the beginning of the afternoon. These hours don't match Jungwon's packed schedule but he can make an exception for today. His teacher doesn't need to know that he isn't really tied to his bed by a high fever.
Jungwon should have expected to find Jongseong in a cafe. For someone who claims to have an healthy lifestyle he sure does have an unhealthy obsession with caffeine.
Jungwon feels like his legs were giving up on him when he spot Jongseong through the window. It's been so long since he saw his face, the dancer can only see his side profile but Jongseong is still the same handsome guy.
Maybe it isn't too late to talk and fix up things, the guitarist is alone maybe Jungwon can shoot his shot again. Last time he regretted staying silent and not having the strength to be the bigger person and apologized to Jongseong. Time has past but he is sure Jongseong would still welcome his apology with open arms.
With a determined mindset Jungwon was about to join the older when he sees someone else joining Jongseong's table. Surprisingly the guitarist welcomes the man with a hug, Jungwon can vaguely see his face. Fair skin, thin nose and lips, thick eyebrows. Handsome.
Jungwon whishes Jongseong would look his way maybe he wouldn't have to leave empty handed, maybe the aching in his chest would stop. But Jongseong doesn't see him, instead he smiles at the man and reaches for his hand.
The blond male doesn't stay here any longer being too mad to see how Jongseong is living his life like Jungwon wasn't a part of if. Was it this easy for the older to forget about him? Because for Jungwon it's hell to even think about inviting someone else in his heart. A stranger could never gives it as much warmth as Jongseong used to.
The way home isn't as excited as he was expecting it. Jungwon's heart burns in his chest, it's nothing like when Jongseong used to pull him in a kiss, no it's suffocating and annoying. Is this the sign he was waiting for during Jongseong's absence? To stop yearning for him? Why continuing reading a used story anymore?
Sunoo welcomes him with the same sad expression since Jungwon learned about his dirty secret. The blond talks to him only when necessary, a part of him blames the black haired for his breakup with Jongseong. It's the selfish part of him who can't accept how he hurt Jongseong in the past.
"Jungwon are you okay?" Sunoo tries taking a few steps to Jungwon but the latter stops him quickly. It hurts to get rejected like that but Sunoo did brought it on himself meddling with Jungwon's life.
"I don't want to talk right now and you don't need to give me any excuses about the card. Jongseong already has a new boyfriend." Jungwon laughs bitterly not caring about Sunoo's sad eyes. He heads to his room to cry his pain away.
**
Today's practice was exhausting, Jungwon's legs hurt, his feet are sore and he is drenched in sweat. Thankfully he took his towel before heading to practice, it's not perfect but at least he can wipe out some drops.
Tonight, Jungwon would not head back home with Sunoo, it's still a bit sensitive between them but the blond knows they'll manage to get over it, Jongseong moved on anyways. Jungwon is alone tonight thanks to Sunoo catching a cold so Riki made sure to wait for him in front of the studio's door to walk him home. The blond can walk alone, he's an adult for gods sake but the Japanese shut him off hurrying him to get ready to leave.
Being with Riki is agreeable, the younger is funny and entertaining. They get along quite well despite how the Japanese likes to tease the blond. Like a lot. "You really need to get a shower asap." Yes Riki enjoys making fun of the blond too much but it's okay, the Japanese is like the little brother Jungwon never got so he let it slide easily.
The wind is cold outside, Jungwon curses himself to only left with his hoodie this morning. To be fair it was quite sunny, it's nothing like the dark sky and the cold weather yet it's the beginning of December so Jungwon should have take that into consideration.
Alongside Riki, they started to walk to Jungwon's apartment when his eyes caught something improbable. Jungwon freezes when he sees the silouhette a few meters away from him, it's been two years but he can recognize Jongseong's body easily. He is still the same after all this years, his bang is longer but fall beautifully in front of his eyes, he still wears the same denim jacket he probably wore too many time. His ears are still full of piercings.
Jongseong sot him too, Jungwon can swear when they eyes meet time stop immediately. His breathe hitches when Jongseong approaches them.
"Jaeyun told me you wanted to talk." Jungwon hoped for a week to have Jongseong next to him. Now, the older is there facing him. The blond can see clearly his face yet the words are stuck in his throat. He can faintly ear Riki excusing himself letting them alone not without offering a call if Jungwon needed it.
"You're blond now, it suits you." Jongseong voices out eyes drifting away. Is he feeling shy? Jungwon doesn't have an answer for this but the compliment is taken with open arms. "Thank you."
Where should he starts? Jungwon doesn't know. He waited for it for so long yet talking feels impossible. "What do you wanted to talk about?" Jongseong asks lifting an eyebrow. Jungwon doesn't know. He could talk about the weather, how sunoo hide the card from him, how he is still in love with Jongseong.
"Wait, I'm being insensitive I'm sorry. You must be cold let's go to my place, I'll make some hot soup." The man offers with a gentle smile. There is no second meaning behind theses words Jongseong knows how the blond doesn't do well in the cold.
Objectively, Jungwon should refuse the offer, he should take his phone from his pocket, call Riki and head back to his apartment with him. That's what he should do but instead Jungwon finds himself in the passager seat of Jongseong's car with the heater on. He hates how different memories from the past haunt his mind for the entire of the drive.
Jongseong's apartment is exactly how Jungwon remembers it. Clean, big and comforting. It still feels familiar to walk inside the living room.
"You should take a shower while I make the soup, do you need spare clothes?" The blond male nods silently eyes on the beige carpet. It suddenly feels like they never stopped talking, like they were still dating.
The way to the bathroom shouldn't be this easy, taking a shower in Jongseong's bathroom shouldn't feel this nice. And Jungwon surely shouldn't be enjoying wearing his clothes nor how there is still a trace of Jongseong's woody scent on the hoodie.
Putting his dirty clothes in his bag, Jungwon feels trapped between his brain and his heart. What should he do right now. A lot can happen in two years and people change in two years, Jungwon for exemple is more dedicated to his career practicing harder and harder every days. So Jongseong should be different too.
What remains the same is the blond males's feelings for the older, it's embarrassing how he tried to date again but it didn't felt right. No one can come close to Jongseong. Talking to Sunoo isn't a good idea and Riki doesn't have the knowledge of the full story to help him so Jungwon is left with no choice but to text Jaeyun.
Jungwon :
Hyung what do I do? I'm with Jongseong but I'm hiding in the bathroom T.T
Jaeyun :
You two need to talk, tell him how you feel. Be as sincere as possible Jungwon you need to face your feelings.
It's okay if your relationship doesn't remain but you will get closure, Jongseong needs it too. You can do it!
Fighting!!
Jungwon sighs holding his phone against his beating chest, he can do it.
When he steps into the living room, there is a nice smell coming from the kitchen, chicken soup Jungwon loves that. The male puts his bag on the couch before taking a seat on the dining table.
"Here." Jongseong puts a warm bowl in front of Jungwon putting a spoon next to it. It smells good, it reminds him of the various time the older cooked for him. Jongseong loves cooking, it's a good way to take away all of the stress caused by the band and his studies. Jungwon doesn't know if the older is still studying.
"I hope you'll like it." Jongseong says sitting in front of him. The soup is as good as Jungwon's expectations, the pair eats in silence while Jungwon's brain thinks about after. After comes way too fast for his liking, soon enough Jongseong is taking the bowls away while Jungwon is on the couch playing with his fingers.
"So now that you're warmer and you ate, care to share with me what's on your mind?" Jongseong asks gently to not pressed the blond. It's nice on his part to give the younger some times yet all on his mind is the closeness between Jongseong's knees and his own. He needs to focus.
"Yes so.." Jungwon starts with a shaky breath remembering the first past events. How he found a card on Sunoo's desk written by Jongseong for him two years ago. "I found a card at your name on Sunoo's desk." Jongseong's frown joining his hands on his knee.
"A card? Which one? I don't remember forgetting anything there." There designs Sunoo's room because Jongseong did forget a stack of clothes in Jungwon's, clothes that the blond may keeps wearing in the secrecy of his room. Jungwon doesn't know if Jongseong remember forgetting them, not like the blond would give them back anyways.
"I don't really know but it says that you were waiting for me somewhere? I can only assume it was before the tour." It all make sense into Jongseong's mind, yes the card he wrote hoping to fix his relationship with Jungwon.
"I see." He breathes out glancing at his hands. When the guitarist first wrote that card he didn't expect Jungwon to forgive him but he hoped to at least talk to him a last time. "You're talking about the flowers." Jongseong's lips stretch into a bitter smile, it still hurts to know how Jungwon kept the flowers yet he didn't had the nerves to face him one last time.
Jungwon is the one frowning this time, flowers? Which flowers? "You brought me flowers when?" The blond digs into the deepest of his mind but he can't recall a moment Jongseong gifted him flowers at least not when they weren't on good terms.
Jongseong's eyes meet Jungwon's confused ones. "Before the tour." He says simply, the bitterness of his smile still lingering on his lips. "You know your recital the week before my flight. I brought you flowers, please don't tell me you don't know about them. I know you posted them, it's okay if it meant nothing to you it's in the past anyways." Jongseong's voice gets weaker with each words getting out of his month.
Jungwon shakes his head his eyebrows knitted together, his chest feels suddenly way too heavy. "I didn't know, I got the flowers but there wasn't any notes. I thought you weren't there.." His gusts twist in his stomach but it's not in a nice way like when Jongseong holds him close. No it feels like deep betrayal.
"What? It doesn't make any sense, I lost the ticket you gave me so when I saw Sunoo near the entrance I gave it to him." Jongseong's voice is firmed, he remember it all too well. When Jungwon's face fall, Jongseong wants to take his sorrow away.
"Sunoo never gave me the card."
**
"Hyung stop walking like that you're making me dizzy." Riki sighs from the couch where he is laying like it was his own. Jungwon is pacing back and forth for a good fifteen minutes now, and the Japanese can't understand why he is wasting all of his energy like that.
"Sorry." The brunette mumbles taking a seat near the makeup chair. The young man takes his phone between his shaking hands then closes firmly his eyes. Nothing. There is nothing. No text from Jongseong, no call, Jungwon doesn't even know if they will see each other tonight.
He can feel the wetness in his eyes and the knot in his chest getting stronger and stronger. It's over. Jungwon's relationship with Jongseong is pushed to an end, the stress of the upcoming performance isn't helping his nerves.
"Jongseong hyung isn't here yet?" Riki ponders eyes now fixed on his phone. The Japanese is playing a game waiting the good moment to go to his assigned place in the theater. "He always come earlier usually."
Jungwon's stomach drops again feeling disappointed. Maybe if he didn't react this strongly, maybe he could still have Jongseong.
"I don't think he will come tonight." Jungwon's voice is strained juggling between the sorrow and pain. He can't cry, he can let the pretty makeup Yunjin put on his face go to waste less than thirty minutes before his prestation.
He will have all the time in the world to cry tonight.
Riki straightens his posture putting his phone on the couch. Jongseong can't miss tonight's recital not when it can make Jungwon be pre professional next year. "What do you mean he is always here, he never miss a recital of yours." The younger frowns holding tightly his phone. It doesn't look like the Jongseong he knows.
Jungwon knows deep inside that he caused it, he wasn't supportive enough of Jongseong's dream when the older never once stopped cheering for him. Not before tonight.
Jungwon was about to explain how he was such a terrible boyfriend to Jongseong so it's understandable if he didn't want to see his face tonight when the door opens suddenly. Jungwon's breath stays stuck in his lugs, was it Jongseong?
The disappointment was big when he saw Sunoo dressed in his blue jeans and cream cardigan holding a big bouquet of flowers. Lilas. Jungwon's favorite.
"Look what I got for you!" Sunoo closes the door behind him then shows the big bouquet to the dancer. "It's your favorite flowers." There is a small smile appearing on Jungwon's lips, Jongseong may have forget about him but at least his friends are always on his side.
"They are beautiful thank you." The black haired smiles then puts the bouquet on the makeup table. "You'll thank me later you start in fifteen minutes. You needs to go to the backstage." Jungwon nods looking at himself a last time in the mirror.
His makeup is intact, he knows both his routines by heart, it's okay. "Break a leg hyung." Riki teases joining Sunoo at the door. Jungwon doesn't complain thinking now only about his upcoming performance. "We'll go to our seats see you later." Sunoo takes his boyfriend's hand in his before leaving Jungwon alone in the room.
The young man lets out an heavy breath his hands reaching for the flowers on the table. They're pretty and the scent is delicate, they're perfect. It's almost funny how Jongseong always brought him bouquets like that with a sweet notes every time he meets Jungwon in the backstage before a performance.
But tonight is different, Jongseong isn't here, Jungwon doesn't have anyone to hold tightly before going to stage. Jungwon is all by himself, but it's okay he brought it to himself.
Taking a glance at his phone Jungwon sighs again. Ten minutes. It's time to go for real this time. Fiding the backstage is easy, Jungwon is so used of performing that he could find it with his eyes closed. Five minutes before his turn, he quickly recalls his routine in his mind making sure not to forget anything.
When he steps on stage the lights are bright and hot. It's bothering but Jungwon likes it. When the first notes of the music starts, Jungwon stars his routine executing every movement with precision and ease.
During his routine Jongseong isn't in his mind, his mind is blank, the dancer can only feel the music and emotions it procures to his soul. At the end during the final bow, Jungwon's smile is bright and big while the public cheers for him. It's perfect except he can see how Jongseong's usual seat is empty.
**
"When the recital was over I left with them, I didn't saw you I swear." Jungwon pleads reaching unconsciously for Jongseong's hands. If only he knew, things would be so different right now.
"It's okay I believe you." Jongseong chuckles lightly squeezing Jungwon's hand. "I didn't though Sunoo would do that to you." He frowns again at the revelation. From what he remembers he had a good relationship with the other male so Jongseong can't really grasp why he did something like that to Jungwon.
"Believe me me neither." Jungwon smiles bitterly feeling deeply hurt by his roommate. All of those nights he stayed up late to give Jungwon some comfort when he was the one creating this whole mess.
"But it doesn't matter in the end, you moved on right?" Jungwon smiles bitterly fixing their interlocked hands. He shouldn't hold Jongseong's hand like that. "I saw you with that guy at the cafe you often go to. Is he your boyfriend? He's really handsome." It hurts to voices it out but it's the truth, Jongseong moved on and found someone new to add in his life. Jungwon should take exemple from him.
"It's kind of embarrassing to admit but...I'm still into you." Jongseong's voice is so soft Jungwon is convinced it's a mirage in his head. It can't be right? But it isn't created by his brain to lure him. "I never stopped loving you."
Jungwon's heart drops to the floor like a fragile glass. it's been two years since he started dying to hear it, to know that Jongseong still cares for him because Jungwon never stopped.
It happened too fast like Jungwon wasn't the one controlling his body. It wasn't supposed to happen but when the blond cups Jongseong's face and joins their lips together, he finally hear the rings of heaven.
Jongseong's lips are sweet and warm against his, the blond male's heart is pacing in his chest like never before. Kissing Jongseong feels like breathing some fresh air, Jungwon is alive and so is Jongseong.
Soon enough Jungwon is on Jongseong's lap while the older's arms are around his waist. Jungwon missed this, Jongseong sweet touch on him. The kiss starts to be more heated, Jongseong's tongue slide inside of Jungwon's mouth tasting every inch.
It's hot and warm but so familiar, like Jongseong never stopped kissing Jungwon, like they never spend two years apart. The blond touches every part of Jongseong accessible, he lets his fingers get lost through Jongseong's soft black hair, he doesn't shy away from touching Jongseong's chest, Jongseong's shoulder, Jongseong's neck, Jongseong.
But they weren't closed enough, Jungwon wanted more, he needs more.
"Wait." Jongseong breaks the kiss panting heavily against Jungwon's own wet lips. "We should talk about us." Maybe they should but talking is the last thing on Jungwon's mind. He catches the guitarist's lips once again with a pleased sigh, they can catch up later.
But Jongseong is determined to get his point crossed. "No seriously Jungwon." The latter sighs when Jongseong gently pushes him away. "Hyung please I just want you, we'll talk later I promise." They eyes meet and Jongseong knows how Jungwon feels, it can't be explain, he just does.
The older wants nothing more than to fix their past but Jongseong is nothing but a weak man. "Okay." He breathes out before kissing the dancer again. Their lips move against each other like pieces falling in the right place.
Jongseong's hands hold firmly Jungwon's thighs when he lifts the younger from the couch. The dancer wraps his legs around Jongseong's waist, gripping strongly his shoulders.
The way to Jongseong's room is made through deep kisses and soft moans escaping Jungwon's throat. The guitarist puts the blond male gently on the bed quickly towering him. The heated kiss restarts their chest pressed against one another.
Jongseong hold Jungwon's waist gently while devouring the inside of his mouth. Jungwon kisses back with as much fever as the older, his grip on Jongseong's hair staying firm.
The black haired man soon leaves Jungwon's lips to favor his neck with love instead. Jongseong's lips pressing kisses on the dancer's neck is electrifying, Jungwon feels his skin burns under Jongseong's touch. His heart is beating terribly fast in his chest, his breath his erratic. They didn't went far it's just kisses yet the blond's soul is on fire.
Jongseong's hands drifts under Jungwon's hoodie touching the muscles of his stomach with his fingertips. "Can I take it off?" Jongseong asks through kisses. "Yes please."
The clothe quickly leaves Jungwon's body leaving his chest bare and at Jongseong's mouth mercy. The kisses never stop instead they shift into love bites on the younger's neck, his shoulders, his chest.
The blond's body is a temple the guitarist would never feel bored to explore. Jongseong sucks on Jungwon's nipple teasing the sensitive bud with his tongue while his hands grabs the blond tights. Moans leave Jungwon's throat while Jongseong keeps getting lower.
Jungwon's sweatpants feels terribly tight around his length, but Jongseong doesn't care as his kisses land on the dancers stomach. "Hyung please stop teasing." Jungwon pleads again and with a chuckle Jongseong complies.
He takes off the younger's sweatpants leaving his whole body naked then takes off his own clothes before getting back between Jungwon's legs. His lips meet the inside of Jungwon's tight giving even more love bites. Jungwon is too deep in a daze to realize how ur his body looks. It's an issue for tomorrow him.
When was the last time the blond felt pleasure this intense he felt like exploding from the inside. With every gestures Jongseong gives, Jungwon's breath stays caught in his lungs. It's burning and exquisite at the same time.
Getting on his elbows the guitarist stretches his arm to the bed night table to take out a bottle of lube with a condom.
Opening the cap of the bottle, Jongseong lets the liquid run down his fingers. It's cold against his warm skin, so the man bends his fingers making sure the lube is warm as possible to not frighten the younger.
The slide is easy for the first two fingers, Jongseong scissors Jungwon's hole . The blond becomes a mess embarrassingly fast, Jongseong's fingers move expertly inside of him, it's hard to stay quiet any longer. The dancer doesn't refrain from sharing how he feels.
Jungwon's moans turn into whines with every trust of Jongseong's fingers. The blond can barely stay still so with his unoccupied hand, the older grabs Jungwon's waist pinning him to the bed.
"I thought I tought you to be patient." Jongseong likes to take his sweet time to break Jungwon's apart, this time isn't an exception, he works his fingers swiftly making sure to get Jungwon as open and ready as possible.
"Hyung please." Jungwon whines feeling overwhelmed with all the pleasure in his body. Jongseong's fingers feel good inside of him, they're nice and hit the right spot again and again.
"I know baby hyung will give you what you need." Jongseong's fingers leave his entrance making Jungwon's walls clench around nothing. The older reaches for the dancer's lips brushing away his sweaty bang.
After what feels like eternity Jongseong's lengths enters Jungwon's hole.
When the younger winces in pain, Jongseong knows to wait for him to get accustomed by the knew sensation. When Jongseong loves, he does it with his soul. He cares for the dancer a lot so it's his mission to ease the pain. Jongseong's lips find Jungwon's neck, pressing smooth kisses on the skin.
The action is repeated until Jungwon's body is relaxed enough for Jongseong to move. The older's trusts are slow at first testing the weather, Jungwon's arms find their way to Jongseong's broad back gripping at the skin.
Picking up the pace Jongseong lets himself get drunk with pleasure. With Jungwon moaning beneath him and gripping his back, he feels unstoppable. They reach their high together body convulsing by the intensity of the orgasm.
Laying on the bed, Jungwon feels fuzzy, his head is spinning and he can't focus his mind on anything. He is too out of it to hear Jongseong leaving the bed to grab a towel to clean him up, he's too tired to feel Jongseong's body pressed against his after.
The kiss pressed on his temple is unnoticed by the blond who's slowly drifting to sleep. Jungwon doesn't know but this night, Jongseong holds him close secretly praying in his heart that tonight will be the start of a happy beginning for them.
When Jungwon opens his eyes the sun light is picking through the curtains. Usually the blond takes a few minutes for his brain to function normally but when he glances to the side, he is way too aware of where he is. He stayed there enough to know, he slept in this bed enough times to remember.
Jongseong.
Sitting on the bed, Jungwon winces feeling an uncomfortable feeling in his lower back.
The spot next to him is empty, from the tip of his fingertips against the sheets, the cold is all the dancer can feel. With a sigh, the young male runs a hand through his messy blond locks. Maybe talking first would have been wiser.
Getting out of the bed, Jungwon shivers feeling the cold air on his naked body, a glance to the floor is enough to assume Jongseong took care of their (his) clothes from the night before. Just like he used to years ago, Jungwon heads to Jongseong's wardrobe looking for something to wear.
The dancer settles for a grey shirt with a pair of black shorts. Wearing the guitarist clothes was like a second skin, Jungwon loved -and still loves- borrowing Jongseong's clothes and of course the older wasn't one to complain.
When he is fully dressed, Jungwon leaves the quiet room searching for the older male. He finds him in the kitchen with his back turned. The first noticeable thing is Jongseong's naked back, how broad his shoulders are and more importantly the scratches Jungwon let out as a gift during their passionate night.
It's embarrassing how quickly his face heats up at the reminder of what they did, like the pain in his lower back wasn't enough. Jongseong turns with two plates in hands. He catches the younger's eyes and chuckles seeing his flustered face.
"I made breakfast I hope you're in the mood for pancakes." Jongseong smiles eyes going to the plates in his hands. There is a dozen of baked pancakes with some freshly cut pieces of fruit aside. Jungwon watches him silently taken aback. How could Jongseong act like nothing happened between them.
"It's fine." Jungwon mumbles steadying himself to the chair of the dining table. Jongseong puts the plates on the table then arches a brow seeing Jungwon's troubled face. "Is everything okay?" He asks voice delicate turning his head to look at the younger.
The latter blinks a few time then shakes his head while tightening his grip on the chair. "No." Jongseong only stares at him eyes drift in concern.
"I never did it back then so I'll say it now,.....I'm sorry." Jungwon breathes out feeling his chest lightens. "You were right I wasn't supportive enough and I regret it deeply. I know how playing with the band was important to you so I'm late but I'm proud of you."
"Hey what's with the sad talk." Jongseong teases holding firmly Jungwon's hand. The blond smiles at the view of their hands together. "I thought we were focusing on the bright side now."
"Yes I know but I needed to say that." Jungwon feels better now, Jaeyun was right being truthful with Jongseong was what the blond needed to move on from his tortured past.
"By the way, I missed seeing you wearing my clothes." Jongseong's voice echoes in Jungwon's ear while strong arms wrapped around his waist. A tray of kisses land on his neck making the blond shivers.
"Don't say that that's embarrassing." The male hides his face in his hands but despite how cringy Jongseong can be sometimes, the smile on Jungwon's lips is the proof of him enjoying every facade of the older. "I missed you." Jongseong keeps going with his kisses making them now on Jungwon's shoulder.
"I missed you too." The blond murmurs his hand holding gently Jongseong's arms still around his waist. The last couple of years were horrible to say the least, Jungwon hates them with his soul. Living without Jongseong in his life made everything so tasteless.
"You know, I really meant what I said last night." Jongseong starts stopping torturing Jungwon's skin. The latter turns his body having now access to Jongseong's face. The fond look on the older's eyes is enough to bring the blond to tears. "I never stopped loving you."
The black haired man goes for a kiss catching Jungwon's lips with his. This is nothing compared to last night when hunger was surpassing their feelings. Now, Jongseong kisses him gently like with the mere touch of his lips Jungwon could feel how deeply Jongseong yearns for him.
"We're not forced to date right away, let's take it slow okay." The older squeezes Jungwon's waist gently waiting for an answer. Jongseong waited for him two years ago and he is still waiting now. Waiting for Jungwon is easy, the guitarist would do all he can to make sure the younger is nothing but comfortable.
Looking at Jongseong makes him realize how much he missed him, with the gentleness of his voice, Jongseong can still make Jungwon's stomach drops like he was on a roller caster. Being with him feels so nice and completely right.
The blond feels all fuzzy inside because Jongseong wants him, he still yearns for him even after their break up. "Yes I would love that." He murmurs with a smile. This time, Jungwon is the one crossing the distance between them, cupping Jongseong's jaw before joining their lips together. It's been two years yet Jungwon is still as much in love with Jongseong as before.