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Shivers - Jamrock is unusually still tonight. It’s... misting. Not quite raining and not quite clear. An unusually dense fog has settled in around an old brick apartment building. The inner walls, painted over in a dark slate blue several times over, perspire as the bodies within the room warm the air inside more than the chilly fog outside.
You - You’re sitting on your futon, folded into “couch” position. In front of you is the most beautiful man you have ever known. Yellow light glints off of his round glasses, catching your eye and bringing you back into your body.
Kim Kitsuragi - “-Detective? Can you hear me? Harry?” He is sitting in a wooden chair in front of you. He reaches out and places his hand over your own where it’s sitting on your knee.
Empathy - He’s worried, yes, but not extremely so. You’re at home. Safe. He’s seen you have these “episodes” before and he’s as used to it as he’ll ever be, he thinks. Still, he has something to tell you and you need to hear it.
Inland Empire - You really don’t, actually.
You - Why not? I trust Kim. If there’s something he wants me to know-
Inland Empire - NO. Trust me. You don’t want to hear this. It’ll ruin your whole day. Your whole week. Year. It might even run your life, Harry.
Kim Kitsuragi - Kim is waiting, thumb gently stroking over your knuckles. He has set aside all of tonight and into tomorrow for this conversation if needed. He’s done research . He’s planned this out and has tried to anticipate as many reactions as he could. This conversation is happening.
You - “Uh, sorry, Kim, I kinda spaced out there,” You smile at him, genuinely glad to come back to the gentle contact and soft expression of your partner.
Kim Kitsuragi - He nods slowly for a moment and then his soft expression crumples, ever so slightly. His brows knit together and he shakes his head before adjusting his glasses, “No, Harry, you weren’t just ‘spacing out.’ You were disassociating.”
You - Something about the word is familiar, if clinical. You try to think of where you’ve heard it before. Where had you heard it before?
Shivers - Sitting in Gottlieb’s office. The Air Con hums and drips faintly in the corner as the doctor says something about trauma and-
Physical Instrument - Suddenly, Kim’s grip on your hand turns to iron, the leather of his glove creaking as his other hand comes up to your shoulder, fingers digging in through your long sleeved shirt.
Kim Kitsuragi - “Stay with me, Harry. I suspect you have a dissociative disorder. The voices, Harry they-”
Volition - He knows!
Half Light - You need to run now. He knows. He’s going to hate you after this. He can’t know. How does he know?
You - What? I don’t understand. I don’t want to run from Kim. He’s my friend he-
Volition - It’s too late now anyway. Let’s see how this plays out, boys.
Inland Empire - You can still stop this! End this line of questioning before you slip into the blinding, burning light of the truth.
You - “D-Disco Associate disorder?”
Inland Empire - You are a fool.
Empathy - The lieutenant is smiling, because he thinks you're funny, but he’s sad.
Kim Kitsuragi - “No, Harry. Dissociative disorder.” He leans back and removes the hand from your shoulder to remove a notebook from an upper-inner pocket. It’s bright orange and smaller than the one he uses on cases. He opens it and flips to a page with a green tab poking out of it.
You - You’ve seen that note before. Suddenly the familiar prickle of amnesiac fear creeps up your neck. You know that you’ve forgotten something. But you don’t know what. You’ve had this conversation before. What happened before?
Logic - It can’t have gone well, that’s for sure.
Composure - You’re slipping away again. You need to ground yourself before you float away.
You - You grip Kim’s hand back and savor the warmth of it. The pressure of the seams of his gloves pressing into your fingers. He glances at you and grips back, ever your anchor even in what should be calm waters.
Half Light - Inside, however, you are a storm. Stomach swooping like you’re going to fall to your death. Your head is swimming, trying to float away from you. You want to slip away again, on a primal level, but Kim is here and Kim is warm, and Kim is speaking and his voice is buttery soft-
Kim Kitsuragi - “I believe right now, you must be feeling rather anxious, characterized by the one called ‘Half Life’, is that correct?” he looks at you so matter of fact as he rattles you to your core.
You - It’s like a guitar string strummed inside of you. You know.
Half Light - “Half Light , actually.”
You - That wasn’t me. Who said that? What the fuck? What the fuck?
Kim Kitsuragi - Kim nods and corrects his notes. “Thank you, Half Light.” He speaks it like a name.
Half Light - It is a name. My name.
You - I don’t understand. You’re me right?
Inland Empire - You. Not you. What’s the difference? The lines are blurry and can become ever fainter with the right circumstances.
Volition - You’re confusing him.
You - “Kim, I’m... scared. What are you talking about?” Honesty spills from your lips. You can’t hold it back when you feel like the walls inside of your mind are shaking apart.
Kim Kitsuragi - He’s still holding fast to your hand, “It’s okay, Harry. There’s nothing to be scared of. Nothing has actually changed.”
Half Light - He’s lying. Everything has changed now. He’s a liar.
Volition - You shut up! Kim is a gift and you’re lucky you got to tell him your name.
You - “They’re so loud, Kim.” Your head is pounding like you have a hangover, but you haven’t had a drop in six and a half months.
Electro-Chemistry - Fuck, a drink would help this go down a lot easier, wouldn’t it? Like bad news. Pour one out for the fallen, right into your mouth.
Kim Kitsuragi - “It’s a covert mental illness,” he says, “It wants to hide from you. You’re the host. Who’s loudest right now?”
You - It’s a surprisingly simple question right now. You’re surprised how quickly you answer, “Volition, Half Light, Electro-Chemistry. Fuck. What the fuck?”
Kim Kitsuragi - He nods thoughtfully, turns the page and takes a few quick notes. “Good. Alright, that makes sense.” He looks up at you when his notes are done, “I’m not going anywhere, by the way. This doesn’t change my opinion of you.”
Empathy - He means it. You’re his partner, with all that entails. When you two go back to work, he will be at your heels and at your side as though nothing has changed.
Encyclopedia - According to Kim, nothing has changed.
Island Empire - If you believe that, then you are as much of a fool as the Host. He’s awake now.
You - “I’m awake now. Oh fuck.” You finally pull your hand from Kim’s only to curl in on yourself, back bowing down as your hands come up to hold your splitting head.
Kim Kitsuragi - Kim’s hand lands on your back, pressure steady as he draws slow circles, “You think you’ll remember this time?”
Volition - You will. It’s taken root now.
Inland Empire - There’s no going back. There's no going back this time.
You - “Yeah... Yeah I don’t think I’m going to lose this one.” You struggle for a moment and then sit up.
Composure - You’re alright. The pain you’re feeling is in your mind and in the past. Your body remembers but your mind doesn’t have to, Harry.
You - You face your partner again. He’s got a small, reassuring smile on his face. You feel safe in his orbit. “What happens now?” you ask quietly.
Kim Kitsuragi - “I have found a couple of specialists if you wish to see someone. Regardless of your choice, I am here and I want them to know that they can trust me. You’re my partner, Harry. You and all of your aspects.”
Esprit De Corps - I’ve known them as long as I’ve known you, he thinks. He’s also seen officers with far, far more severe issues than you are facing. His faith in you is sincere as is his offer to help.
You - You nod, affection and gratitude welling up inside of you. You don’t voice the first, but the second- “Thank you, Kim. So much. I- I don’t know what we- What I’m going to do now. But thank you.”
Kim Kitsuragi - He takes your hands in his. You’re in this together, whatever comes next.
Shivers - Outside, the fog has only grown denser, threatening to condense into a stormcloud. In three hours, the clouds will burst, bathing Jamrock in icy rain. Inside, however, you are warm and safe. Kim sits beside you as you talk about things you didn’t even know you knew and he listens with interest into the small hours of the morning.