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‘How dare he? How fricking dare he?’ Louise thought as she sat on the beanbag chair underneath her loft bed, glaring at the toy in her hands. She tilted it and it started to glow. It was a night lamp, not much different from her Kochi Kopi. It even had the same wall-eyed expression. It was yellow, except for the edges of her, which were a rusty red and shaped a bit like a bowling pin. For all the world, it looked like a yellow ghost girl in a dress. ‘Why did Rudy have to get me this thing?’ She let out a groan and fell back on the beanbag. The day’s events kept on repeating in her mind.
It had been after their first period. Rudy had caught up to her in the hall and said he got something for her. “Hey, Louise. Do you remember when I said me and my dad went to Bog Harbor Saturday?”
“Yeah,” Louise replied.
Rudy placed his backpack on the floor and opened it up. “Well, we went into one of those second-hand stores and I found this. It sort of made me think of you.” He said as he brought out the ghost-shaped night lamp.
Louise immediately went wide-eyed. “Ami Omi!” She snatched the piece of plastic from her friend so she could admire it.
“So, you like it?” Rudy asked.
“Rudy, I love it! I’ve only seen Ami Omi in catalogs before. She’s like the Minnie Mouse to Kochi Kopi’s Mickey.
She’s…I mean this is…” Louise was suddenly out of words to say. She looked back and forth between her friend and the collectible he’d given her before letting out a sigh. “This is really nice Rudy but my birthday isn’t for like a while so there’s no need for you to buy me something like this.”
“I know but I figured if I didn’t buy it then and there, someone else would and I couldn’t help to think how disappointed you would be so I got it for you.”
Louise was truly touched. Not only had Rudy thought of her but he’d done something nice for her when he wasn’t obliged to. As she stared at him the rest of the hall started fading into a blur of unrecognizable shapes and colors, like it was just the two of them in the entire world. Rudy didn’t do anything except smile that carefree smile of his yet Louise felt herself drawn to his lips. It then dawned on her what she was doing. Suddenly she felt incredibly self-conscious about the entire interaction. She needed a way of it. Before she knew it, her hand had crossed the space between them and slapped Rudy’s face. “I’m gonna leave this in my locker now. Bye!” She exclaimed quickly before running away, leaving Rudy to rub his aching cheek.
Louise had spent the rest of the day avoiding Rudy. It wasn’t easy. His desk was right next to hers in homeroom and she couldn’t stop herself from glancing at him every now and then. Whenever he turned in her direction she would immediately look away. She guessed that were two things she needed to apologize for tomorrow.
“Why do I get like this?” She sat up and started tilting Ami Omi again to turn on the little light. “It’s not like I like-like him. He’s a friend. An incredible thoughtful friend who always has my back.” Her mind drifted to another event, one that happened a week ago.
Louise was on yet another revenge quest. This time it was against a substitute with a no-hat policy. While Louise wasn’t as attached to her pink bunny ears as she used to be she still rather have them on than not and it pissed her off that this middle-aged woman wouldn’t let her. She’d even taken the issue to the principal. So, Louise got Rudy to help her with a prank. It wasn’t complicated. Rudy would run up to the sub, acting all exhausted and wheezy (which might not have been acting) saying he’d lost his inhaler in the school gutter and needed her help reaching it. The moment the substitute peaked into the gutter, Louise poured a bucket of outdated sour cream from the roof, right on top of her. Even thou Rudy was blamed and given a week’s detention for it, he never compromised Louise, even when Mr. Frond flat out asked if Louise had put him up to it he kept his lips sealed.
“Yes, he’s loyal. And thoughtful. So What? Doesn’t mean I like him or anything.” Louise found herself once again arguing with Ami Omi. The nightlight’s petulant silence seemed to almost provoke her to confess. “Okay.” Louise sighed. “Maybe I do like him. I mean, just as a friend. It’s not like I admire him or anything.” A pathetic chuckle made its way up her throat. “I mean, have you seen him play basketball?”
It was a couple of months ago. Against her better judgment, Louise had gone to check out the Wagstaff basketball team play against the visitor team. She only came to support Rudy. Halfway through the game, Rudy started to hyperventilate. Not long after, he fell onto his knees. The crowd started gasping out of worry. Nonetheless Louise who was almost ready to shove the other spectators out of the away so she could reach him. But then Rudy simply brought his inhaler to his lips and after a couple of puffs, he was back running. The audience cheered, most of all Louise who hollered, “Go, Rudy, Go!”
“Okay, so maybe I do admire him a little. I mean, the guy is like a rusty, unstoppable machine. Doesn’t matter how much his body wants to quit on him, he never let anything stop him.” Louise suddenly found herself on her feet, invigorated by her admiration for that asthmatic weirdo. She then forced herself to scowl. “But that doesn’t mean I like him and even if I did, which I don’t, it wouldn’t matter anyway. Rudy doesn’t like me that way. He only likes Chloe Barbash.”She remember the last time Rudy tried to ask out the shampoo diva.
“Louise, check this out.” The ginger-haired boy called out for her attention and dangled some kind of chain in front of her.
Louise grimaced and raised a brow. “That’s…something. What is it?”
“It’s a necklace. I made it myself out of paperclips and straws.”
“Oh.” Louise still didn’t know what to think of it.
“Yeah, I’m gonna give it to Chloe Barbash before asking her to Harley’s party. You know, sweeten the deal a little. So what do you think? Will she say yes?”
Louise looked into her friend's eyes. He was so eager. So hopeful. She just didn’t have it in her to chide him.
“She’d be crazy to say no, Rudy.”
“Thanks, Louise. I can always count on you.” He raised his chin to peer above her. “Oh, there she is.” Rudy ran past her and headed straight towards Chloe.
Louise stood there, reluctantly watching her best friend try once more to court his unreciprocated crush.
“…so Chloe, I thought if you wanted to we could go to Harley’s party together. You know, as a couple.”
“Hm, maybe.”
“Maybe as in…”
“As in maybe I’ll go with you or maybe I won’t.” Chloe exclaimed.
“I get it. I don’t want to pressure you or anything. See you Friday, maybe.”
Chloe turned her attention to her fingernails. “Maybe.”
Rudy chuckled. “Yeah, maybe. See yah.” He walked back to Louise. “Did you see that? I actually asked her out.”
Louise, attempting to be supportive, pumped her fist in the air.
“Good job, Rudyrock. How about we celebrate in my basement after school? I found some soda cans too old for Dad to sell.” She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and led him down the hallway. She then looked back only to see Chloe discarding the necklace in the nearest garbage can.
How can she do that? She’s only ever seen Rudy as a source of easy test answers. That’s the only reason why she keeps raising his hopes up when really he doesn’t have a chance. “Apparently, it doesn’t matter to her that Rudy’s considerate and loyal and smart and, and…” Louise suddenly became aware she’d been babbling to herself. She looked around the room, particularly the door. She was suddenly scared somebody might have heard her.
She climbed up to her loft bed and draped the blanket over her. “Okay, maybe I do have a little crush on him. Does it really matter?” Louise thought that if she just ignored her feelings, they would go away. It was what happened to her crush on Boo Boo after all. Then again it was different with Boo Boo. Boo Boo was just a disgustingly cute face. Sure he was a person too but she didn’t know that person. Rudy on the other hand was a person that she knew and treasured very much that also just so happened to have a disgustingly cute face. Her feelings for him had ebbed and flowed over the last few years. Some days she didn’t feel her crush at all and being near Rudy felt like hanging out with a friend. Other times her crush was so on she felt like she would faint. Fantasies so mushy they seem to come directly from Tina’s mindscape would invade her head. Fantasies about her and Rudy on the Wonder Wheel, her leaning against his shoulder. Blah, it was sickening.
Louise rolled over and held Ami Omi above her face. She sighed at the little ghost girl. “What should I do? I can’t avoid him forever. Should I tell him about it? I told you, he doesn’t like me that way, and even if he did I-I don’t think I’m ready for that sort of relationship. I like it when it’s just Rudy and me.” She smiled thinking about it. “I don’t need to pretend to be anyone other than myself, feel whatever I want to feel whenever I am with him. Maybe-maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be.” She tilted the cute nightlight and it lit up. “And maybe I don’t have to decide right away. Maybe I should take my time to explore these feelings before doing something. After all, Rudy will always be there for me.” She rolled over on her side, wrapping her blanket tight over herself and her plastic ghost. “He told me so once…”
She remembers tears rolling down her cheeks, Rudy's hand stroking her back as he whispered in her ear. "I'm here for you, Louise and I'll always will be..."