Chapter Text
The evening sky was straddling the line between the dark gray of nearing storm clouds and the salmon pink of a picturesque sunset, blending together to create an apocalyptic shade of red. Sebastian wasn’t going to take that as an omen of the night to come. He wasn’t even superstitious; that was Abby’s job.
But it was hard not to feel uneasy as he hauled a bag of Shane’s cans to the beach—vodka and beers for which he had paid Shane far too much. From this vantage point, as he crossed the bridge next to Elliott’s house, he could just make out the silhouette of Sam putting together some sticks into a makeshift fire next to the waves.
This was the place they had made their own, ever since they were kids and their curfew was 7 pm, when their mothers would pick them up from the beach to walk them home. The years when Sebastian’s hair wasn’t black, and Abby’s wasn’t purple, and Sam’s was a normal hairstyle because he hadn’t yet found Kent’s old supply of hair gel to overuse.
Sometimes, just smelling the sea air took Sebastian back to those times, and he was hit by a wave of longing and nostalgia so immense that he didn’t quite know what to do about it. Back when he and his mom used to actually talk, Robin had suggested journaling as a way to “deal with big feelings.” He would never admit it (to anyone other than Abby drunk, apparently), but he had taken Robin up on her advice.
Now he carried around that threadbare leather-bound journal everywhere he went. It had become something of a lifeline to him, and he had never really considered the fact that what he wrote in there could be seen by someone other than him. It had never occurred to him as he penciled his innermost thoughts in jet black ink over the years: He loved frogs, he hated summer, he might be allergic to salmonberries but would never admit it, he was in love with his best friend, and other mundane things.
He still couldn’t believe that he had shown Sam one of his writings. And “Sunshine in a glass” was one of the least obvious ones, because these past two years, all he could write about anymore was his golden-haired best friend who loved to make light of everything, and overstep boundaries, and somehow make Sebastian smile against all odds.
Hence, the idea of getting drunk with said best friend was not an enticing idea to Sebastian. But seeing him upset was an even worse idea, and now here he was, each footfall on sand feeling like he was walking toward his own execution.
But when Sam looked up, his wide ensuing smile chased away any hope Sebastian had of keeping a faint flush from his cheeks.
“Dude, it’s been too long since we came here,” Sam said in lieu of a greeting, and Sebastian found himself nodding instantly.
“Way too long,” he replied, crouching to help Sam with the fire. “You sure about tonight though? Might rain.”
“You love rain,” Sam replied, as though that made it worthwhile to get soaked on the beach in a storm.
Sebastian let out a surprised laugh. “I do, yeah, but what about the fire?”
Sam shrugged at that. “If it rains, we’ll just go crash Willy’s.”
Sebastian wrinkled his nose. “And smell like fish? Why don’t we just do a different day?”
The other boy frowned slightly, the corners of his mouth turning down as if he was trying—and failing—to avoid showing his disappointment. “I mean, won’t the alcohol go bad?”
“In, like, years from now,” Sebastian replied, quirking his lips into a teasing smile. He watched as Sam shrugged again, looking decidedly more put out now. And that wasn’t good.
“Never mind, it’s fine. If it rains, we’ll just go to the old community center and hang out there,” Sebastian said hastily, rewarded by the appearance of a brilliant smile on Sam’s face beside him.
“Perfect!” Sam breathed, and then there was a silence between them. Moments like these were few and far between, but that only made them that much more uncomfortable for Sebastian when they did happen. When neither of them could think of something to fill a silence that had become awkward for reasons that Sebastian couldn’t imagine. Instead, he averted his gaze to his hands, glad to be busy building a fire in the moment.
“Hey, Seb, I should probably tell you something,” Sam began a moment later. Sebastian looked up sharply, his eyes meeting Sam’s pale blue stare tinged with nerves. Sebastian furrowed his brows, waiting for Sam to elaborate, when suddenly a flash of purple caught his attention. Oh .
“You invited Abby?” Sebastian asked, doing his utmost to keep his voice level and unstrained. This was a good thing, actually, because Abigail would be the perfect buffer between Drunk Sebastian and whatever nonsense he felt like spewing to Drunk Sam.
“Yeah…and Lily.”
Well, that was less good.
“The farmer ?” Sebastian hissed, forgetting momentarily to keep the venom from his tone. “You invited the farmer to our spot, to drink with us?”
Sam shrugged, looking remarkably uncomfortable. “I didn’t mean to. I was just going to ask Abby, but Lily was with her, so I couldn’t not invite her.”
“Right. Right," Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose,"because, asking Abby at a different time , or hell, not asking her in the first place, would be such a terrible idea?”
Sam frowned at that. “Dude, what’s your problem? Lily’s nice, I don’t see why she shouldn’t come,” he said, crossing his arms defensively. And Sebastian couldn’t reply to that, because now they were both standing to greet the girls who had entered earshot.
“Hello,” Abby sang, giving Sam a one-armed hug, “Guess what our lovely Lily brought us?”
“You mean other than herself?” Sam asked with a half-smirk, the firelight reflecting off of his teasing eyes.
Lily’s eyebrows raised. “Damn,” she said, “Let’s get a little less sober before you try to sweet-talk me, hmm?”
Sebastian hated her .
“Anyway,” Abby said. “Look what she brought! Snacks straight from her farm, and strawberry juice for a chaser!”
“Oh, you had me at snacks,” Sam replied, peeking into the bag Lily was holding. “These look amazing,” he said, shooting Lily a grin.
Sebastian wanted to shoot Lily with something else.
…Okay, that was a little harsh.
“Seb! What are you sulking over there for?” Abby asked, opening her arms. “Where my hug at?” she asked in a faux-macho voice, mimicking those assholes they joked about during high school.
Sebastian had to bite back a snort at that, deciding to simply ignore the fact that the farmer was here, and with a slight shake of his head, he made his way to where the three were clustered.
“Hey Abby,” he said, and because he couldn’t be a terrible person—externally, that is—he nodded at the farmer. “Lily,” he said with a polite smile.
“Sebastian,” she replied, mirroring his nod. He frowned. Was she making fun of him? What the fuck ? Sebastian narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, but she just met his gaze with a slightly confused crease in her brows.
“Shall we begin?” Sam asked, shaking a can enticingly. Sebastian smiled gratefully at him, glad for a reason to keep ignoring the farmer.
When Sam managed to get the fire going, the four of them sat around it and passed around cans of cheap liquor. Sebastian chugged his can immediately, twisting his mouth at the taste.
“Can I mix us some drinks?” Abigail offered, her purple hair starting to frizz from the charged humidity.
Sam nodded eagerly, and she started pouring, combining strawberry juice and vodka into a bright pink cocktail. “I’ll just do vodka,” Sebastian said, clearing his throat and reaching for a bottle.
“Oh, he’s so masculine,” Abby teased, making both Sam and Lily laugh.
“He’s not like the other girls,” Sam replied, batting his eyes innocently, and Sebastian shot him a playful glare. Sam snorted, choking a little on his vodka.
“No, definitely not,” Sebastian agreed. “I’m so manly, obviously,” he said with a lopsided grin. Why did he say that? That was weird. It would be so embarrassing if he was already getting tipsy.
But Sam cracked up at that, so Sebastian supposed it was fine.
—————
An hour later, and the four of them were definitely more than a little drunk (no matter how much Lily insisted that she was just tipsy).
Abigail and Lily were leaning against each other on one log, Lily swaying slightly as Abby subconsciously held one of her arms to keep her upright. Sam was sitting on the sand in front of Sebastian, his head thrown back onto Sebastian’s knees.
And Sebastian was trying very, very hard to be normal about that.
The heat from the fire and the alcohol had turned his face a light shade of red, and Abigail kept shooting him appraising looks like she suspected the redness was due to something else.
What did she know, anyway? It’s not like she could read his mind . That would be crazy. People couldn’t read minds. Though, sometimes he wished he could read Sam’s mind.
“I wish I could read your mind."
“Why?” Sam whispered back, matching his unintentionally loud volume.
“I wanna know what you’re thinking.”
Was his voice higher than normal? Nevermind, it didn’t matter.
Sam stared up at Sebastian, fire embers dancing in his eyes again before they flickered away with all the words left unsaid. It was now pitch black outside, save for the firelight that had painted Sam’s face in a lovely glow, the heat turning his complexion a pleasant pink.
“It’s never anything that interesting,” Sam murmured, finally tearing his eyes away from the dark-haired boy.
“I think everything about you is interesting,” Sebastian said with a heavy sigh, and the answering smirk Sam shot at him made his insides freeze.
“I mean. You’re so… interesting. Like. Weird. Like you know how you say something weird is interesting?” Sebastian saved it, mentally congratulating himself on how smooth he sounded.
“Oh,” Sam said, looking back down at the fire. “You too, I guess,” he muttered.
“Are you calling me weird?” Sebastian’s eyes widened. “You think I’m weird? I’m not that weird, really. It’s just this town, it’s so small and normal , but when we move to Zuzu City, I won’t actually be weird because everyone will be weird too,” he finished, clearing his throat. Sam looked at him knowingly before getting up to sit beside him on the log.
“You’re right, Seb. You’re not weird,” he said, bumping his shoulder against the other boy's. Why did Sam seem less drunk than Sebastian? Not that Sebastian was drunk. Except, maybe just a little bit.
Sebastian shifted his attention to the other side of the fire, where Abigail was now lying horizontally on the sand, her arms folded beneath her head, purple hair splayed across the sand behind her. She was focused solely on Lily, whose face seemed ripe with indignation as she ranted about something or other.
Sebastian couldn’t quite hear her, so he got up and shifted his weight forward to move closer, when suddenly he felt the tight sensation of arms wrapped around his waist in a vice-like grip. He whirled around, stumbling, to see Sam’s eyes scanning his face wildly.
“You fucking idiot,” Sam muttered, his voice shaky.
“You’re one to talk, asshole,” Sebastian bristled. They had been having such a nice moment less than a second ago, and now Sam just had to ruin it.
“ Yoba , Seb, you almost face-planted into the fucking fire!”
Sebastian flushed, embarrassed. Perhaps he was a little less coordinated than he had thought.. “I knew what I was doing,” he murmured, looking down to avoid Sam’s gaze, angrier than he had ever seen it.
Sebastian didn’t think he’d ever seen Sam look angry, other than when Alex used to pick on Penny back in middle school, pulling her hair and making ‘short’ jokes. Sam had put a stop to it pretty quickly, and Sebastian had always wondered whether Sam would defend him like that if he needed.
It wasn’t as though Sebastian couldn’t take care of himself, but sometimes he thought it would be nice to have someone you could count on no matter what, in a way that goes beyond even friendship. Now he knew, of course, that Sam would defend him in the way that close friends stand up for each other.
But would Sam feel the need—the desire—to protect him, to shelter him, to hold him in his arms against anything that might want to harm them?
Because when Sebastian looked at Sam, he felt it. When his gaze caught onto his sharp, messy, stiffly-styled hair, his soft skin, his intensely disarming stare, and his adorable expressions, Sebastian wanted nothing more than to hold him close and never let him out of his arms.
That meant nothing, however, because Sam would never be anything more than his best friend. And if that was the closest that they could get to each other, then Sebastian would cherish it.
Besides, wasn’t it nice that Sam cared whether Sebastian fell into the fire?
He snorted at that thought, then looked up to see Abigail making her way gingerly around the fire, her every movement awkward, as though she had returned to her growing phase and she wasn’t quite sure where her limbs would land.
“Sebby, Samson, I’m gonna go walk Lily home,” she said, her voice a little too loud. “You boys behave,” she said with a stifled giggle and an exaggerated wink aimed at Sebastian, who frowned back at her.
Sam raised an eyebrow, then sent his own wink her way. “Could say the same to you and Lily, hmm?”
Abigail gasped, a hand leaping up to cover her mouth. “I’ll have you know…” she started, then trailed off. “I’ll have you know that my inch- intens- intentions with Lily are nonexistent,” she finished hotly, stumbling through her words.
A slow, relaxed grin creeped up Sam’s face. “If you say so,” he said with a nonplussed shrug.
Sebastian narrowed his eyes at the exchange, a sense of sobriety returning to him as he struggled to understand Sam and Abby’s words. Drunk him couldn’t stand hidden meanings.
“Bye! Thanks for the invite again,” Lily called to the boys as she clutched Abigail for support to stand up.
“No problem! Let’s do this again soon,” Sam replied with a quick grin.
“Let’s not,” Sebastian grumbled lowly, his words only directed toward Sam’s ears as the girls left, leaving Sam sitting far too close to Sebastian for comfort.
Sam tilted his head at Sebastian, exasperation apparent on his face before he chugged the rest of his can with a grimace and opened another, probably aiming to get through the last few they had left. “Listen,” he started, “I know your whole thing is being prickly and emo, but why do you hate Lily so much?”
“I don’t hate the farmer,” Sebastian replied before shaking his head vigorously as he felt his lightheaded daze begin to wear off.
“Yeah, you do. Why?”
“I don’t know, okay?”
“That makes no sense,” Sam replied, peering intently into Sebastian’s eyes as though looking for something he was desperate to find, assured somehow that he would find it if he just stared hard enough.
“Well why do you like her so much, then?”
Sam’s brows furrowed at that. “I don’t ‘like her so much,’” he said, punctuating the words with uneven air quotes, “I just have no reason to dislike her. She seems great.”
“And I have no reason to like her,” Sebastian replied with a one-shoulder shrug. Silence descended upon the boys again as Sam finished another can. The blonde’s eyes were beginning to droop a little, a characteristic he was prone to with his sleepy-cuddly-drunk tendencies.
Suddenly, Sam heaved a sigh. “‘m sorry,” he said, resting a head on Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian simultaneously melted and tensed at the motion, willing himself to be as still as possible as he let out a soft, nervous breath.
“For what?” he asked, he asked, his voice coming out strained.
“You’re mad at me.”
“No I’m not,” Sebastian sighed, shivering slightly as a breeze rippled through the air, causing the dwindling fire to flicker. “ I’m sorry. I was being really stupid,” he admitted with a sigh.
Sam hummed softly at that. “Not stupid. You should… you should always feel your feelings. Y’know? And, and always tell ‘em to me. I always wanna know.”
Sebastian let out a quiet laugh. “I’ll take that under advisement.”
“And y’know, you don’t need to worry about the farmer,” Sam said. Sebastian turned sharply toward him, wondering what made him say that then. What made Sam think he was “worried” about the farmer?
“I mean, like, ’m not gonna ask her to join the band, or anything.”
Sebastian blinked, the corner of his mouth slowly lifting in a gentle smile as he brought a hand up to rest it softly on Sam’s hair. He let his hand rest there a moment, wondering how long he could get away with it, before replying. “Yeah,” he said at last, “I know.”
Sam was silent for a long moment, his eyebrows furrowed in a way that resembled a pout. Sebastian swallowed as an awkward feeling swept over him, the need to fill the silence. Luckily, as he often did, the blonde filled it instead.
With a giggle . That was the only way to describe the laugh that escaped the boy’s lips, and Sebastian withheld an incredulous look. He only waited silently for Sam to explain what exactly he found so funny.
“Did you know,” Sam murmured, fighting off another bout of giggles. “Did you know you have fire opals for eyes?”
What ? Not what he expected Sam to say. And definitely not anything remotely resembling the truth.
“Dude,” he replied, embarrassed. “They’re just black. Like… neptunite black.”
“Oh, you’d like that,” Sam bit back, smirking. “Edgy asshole. But nope,” he continued, popping the “p” sound. “They’re fire opals. Like, they’re dark, but they’ve also got some purple in them? I dunno.”
Sebastian’s face had fallen into a withering glower at this point. “My eyes aren’t some gemstone ,” he scoffed, feeling his face heat rapidly. “If anything, yours are frozen tears.”
“What even are those?” Sam asked, his nose scrunching adorably as he racked his brain.
“Just some crystal,” he replied, the heat in his cheeks only growing. “Demetrius used to study them,” Sebastian elaborated, weighing the next sentence in his mind before saying it aloud, fearing it would come across far too corny for his taste. What the hell , he decided, Sam probably wouldn’t even remember this conversation tomorrow.
“They’re the exact same pale, icy blue as your eyes.”
Sam's eyes lit up in recognition. “Like the one on your nightstand?”
Oh . Sebastian couldn’t believe Sam remembered, and more importantly, he wasn’t even sure what to say to that. Deny it? Or admit that he loved sleeping beside the stone that reminded him so vividly of his very-platonic best friend?
“Yep,” he choked out, settling for a half-assed admission. Well. He certainly hoped Sam didn’t think too hard about this.
“Anyway,” Sam said, never one to think too hard about anything, “you agree that your eyes are fire opals, then?”
Sebastian could have sighed in relief at the minute topic switch. Instead, he just mentally thanked Yoba for his friend’s ADHD.
“Fuck you,” he said in reply, lacing his voice with the perfect amount of faux annoyance.
“Right here? Well, we’d get sand everywhere, but if you insis—”
“Shut up, man,” Sebastian cut him off, rolling his eyes gently. Usually, he’d be down for some fake flirting. But tonight had already been far too taxing on his emotions, and he was not in the mood to think about fucking Sam, much less to hear Sam mention the words so casually.
Sam did in fact shut up, for once, instead taking another few swigs to finish his can. But then he was back to staring at the dark-haired boy’s eyes, making eye contact over the top of the can, and, well, Sebastian didn’t really know what to do with that.
All he knew was that it was getting extremely hard not to give in and kiss Sam. Or rather, he also knew that he would rather throw himself off the mountain than kiss Sam then. Both of those things could be true, and they certainly were for him. So instead, Sebastian cleared his throat. He whipped his head around with a harsh swallow, fumbling for his can next to him just to give his hands something to do.
“Well, would you look at that,” Sebastian whispered hoarsely as his fingers grasped the hollow can beside him. “It’s empty. Time to go back, I think.”
“Wait.”
Sebastian froze.
“Stay, please?”
Sebastian caught the earnest look on Sam’s face, though he feared his own was feverish with longing and nearly physical pain at the sweet words. Yoba , he wished Sam were sober.
Those words were all he could ever want Sam to say, weren’t they? But not now, not now when he was drunk and he would probably say it to anyone. Hell, he’d even tell Haley to ‘ wait, stay ’ in the state he was in.
Though, unlike Sebastian, Haley would probably agree. And she would take in Sam’s golden hair and frozen tears for eyes, and he would pull her in close, and she would invite him to stay the night, and—
Fuck . No. no, fuck, no. that was a train of thought he would absolutely not board, thank you very much.
Sebastian coughed to cover the sudden choking feeling that gripped him, then looked down at Sam. Sometime during Seb’s emotional turmoil, the golden-haired boy had fallen asleep on his shoulder, and Sebastian let out a wisp of a sigh. “C’mon, Sam,” he murmured, shaking the boy lightly. Sam groaned softly, but refused to budge.
“Sam, let’s go,” he tried a little more firmly. Sam sat up at that, rubbing his eyes, and nodded slowly. He tried to stand, only to stumble. Sebastian's eyebrows shot up, his hands jerking to catch him instantly. He made a face as he did so, arms barely closing around him in time. “We both know I’m not strong enough to carry us both, Sam,” he grunted, and he could tell Sam tried to make more of an effort at that.
The boys started moving in tandem toward Sam’s house, Sebastian carrying most of the weight.
“Sorry,” Sam mumbled. “Walking’s hard.”
Sebastian snorted. “I know, Sammy. Maybe you shouldn’t drink as much next time.”
“Maybe you shouldn’ smoke as much,” Sam retorted. Seb blinked, shooting him a quizzical look.
“Didn’t know you had a problem with it.”
Sam rolled his eyes, but in his drunkenness, it came across as an adorable widening of his eyes instead. “‘Course I have a problem with it. You’re gonna die . All because you smoke. You could just wake up and be dead .”
Sebastian bit his lip to keep from laughing. Instead, he nodded solemnly, treating Sam’s concern with the utmost gravity. “Right, of course. Though, I don’t think I could wake up and be dead, since, you know, I wouldn’t actually be waking up at all.”
Sam whipped his head around to look wildly at Sebastian, nearly toppling over with the effort. “You’re not waking up?” he exclaimed, a little too loud for past 2:00AM in the morning.
“No, Sam, I meant…” Seb cut himself off. “Nevermind,” he finished with a small sigh. “I’ll tell you when you’re sober. You’ll think it’s funny then, I promise.”
Sam frowned. “I think you’re funny now, though.”
Sebastian smirked at that, shaking his head with affection. “ I think you’re drunk and tired, and you need to go to bed.”
“Hm. Now you’re not so funny anymore.”
Sebastian laughed again at that, a sense of lightness encircling him that had nothing to do with his previously drunken state. He simply felt content, content that he was not only holding Sam in his arms, but that Sam in his most truthful and open state had found him funny.
Sam had always been his sunshine in a glass. But maybe Sebastian was his as well. Wasn’t that an idea?
By the time they reached Sam’s house, the blond boy was practically asleep on his feet. Sebastian pried open his window with a grunt, then helped him crawl through it, the other boy landing on his bed with a muffled gasp.
“Goodnight,” Sebastian whispered, before he turned around and began the trek back home.
Maybe Sam had always felt as strongly about Seb as he felt for Sam. Not romantic, really, but maybe that was alright. Maybe Sebastian could just keep holding Sam like he had that night, and maybe everything would be okay.
It was a lot of maybe’s, but maybe that was okay too.