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Erik got woken up by the sound of shattering glass.
He sat up in his bed, confused. Despite the complete darkness outside his window he could see pretty well thanks to the light pouring from under the left ajar door. What was more important than that though was the fact that he was alone. No Charles in sight and weird sounds in the middle of the night - this made him awake and alerted instantly. He kicked off the covers and got out of bed, immediately feeling a shiver go down his spine. God, why was it so cold? It's September, not December. He quickly grabbed a random t-shirt laying close to feel at least a little warmer. Then he slowly and carefully went towards the kitchen, where the sound came from.
He didn't know exactly what to expect. The option "burglar" went through his mind; it wasn't very probable, but still possible. Was Charles in danger? Fuck, he should've taken his phone to be able to call 911 in case someone really broke in.
At this point he was full of nerves, but he has also reached the open kitchen door. Not like he had to take a long walk, his flat certainly wasn't the biggest. He peaked through the door, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes to the light much brighter than in his room.
He didn't know what to expect, and he definitely wasn't expecting to see Charles, clearly shaking, kneeling on the floor in front of pieces of broken glass. Alright. No burglar, no danger. He sighed with relief, and that made his boyfriend notice him.
"Erik" he said, his tone high-pitched. He quickly wiped his reddish eyes and faked a smile. "I- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just wanted to grab some water and I dropped- I dropped the glass. I swear it was an accident"
Erik was only half-listening to his ramble, assessing the situation.
"Don't move" he said, interrupting him. He didn't want Charles to hurt himself with the shatters. "I'm gonna go get the dustpan and brush"
And he went to do that before Charles had a chance to respond. He also put on slippers so he doesn't step on the glass himself. No more than a minute later he was back in the kitchen, which was in the exact same state he left it in.
He started to sweep the glass while Charles watched him like he was paralyzed, his breathing irregular and a bit hitched.
"Don't sit on the floor, lo- " he began to say looking at Charles, when he noticed a red stain on his fingers. "You're bleeding"
Charles eyed his hand, like he haven't noticed that. Now, when Erik was closer, he realized that Charles had to be crying before he entered the room. His eyes were glassy and his teeth were chewing on his bottom lip without mercy.
"It's nothing. I'm sorry. I didn't want to break it. I- I'll buy you a new one. A whole new set if you want" he started to talk again. "I'm really sorry"
Erik listened to that in confusion.
"Don't panic, Charles. We need to check if you don't have any glass in that cut. Just be careful, I don't want you to hurt yourself again"
One thing Charles didn't have a problem with was - so in contrast with his character - obeying direct orders, especially when nervous. Sometimes he was like a sleeping agent activated by certain commands. He always said that it was just his reaction to stress, and Erik had no reason to doubt that. Now he got up and took a few steps, maneuvering around the glass without a word. Erik could see that his whole body was trembling, too much to brush it off as just feeling cold.
He also got up, abandoning cleaning up the mess. He'll do it later. Now he had to check whether Charles' injury was serious or just a shallow cut.
"Come on, schatz" he muttered, turning to him, only to see that tears were falling down his cheeks. "Hey, what's wrong? Charles?"
"Sorry" he repeated, his voice breaking. The lump in his throat made it hard to speak. He didn't mean to break that glass. He was immediately sent into a panic mode when it happened. He didn't even register when he ended up on the floor, bleeding, glass in his hand. Maybe if he fixed it he wouldn't get punished. Even if he knew that he couldn't, his mind clung to that hope. And then he heard Erik's sigh, full of disappointment and showing him exactly how tired of him Erik was. The consequences were unavoidable. Erik was stronger than him, just as his parents were stronger when he was a child. He wouldn't be able to escape. He had to face the consequences. He had to face the consequences. It was right, he should face them.
"Don't be. It's not your fault" Erik said, but Charles knew that he was lying.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" he mumbled again, fear clearly visible on his face. It was getting hard to breathe. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean- it wasn't on purpose, I swear, I- "
"Forget about that glass, Charles, it's nothing" Erik said, full of worry. Charles looked terrified, and he didn't understand it. He was not very sensitive, Erik would never guess he'd panic so much over a broken glass.
"N-no, I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry" he whispered frantically. His knees gave up under him and if not Erik, he'd surely have a painful meeting with the floor. He started to fear even more once he felt his hands on his body. He was hyperventilating, his throat hurt like he was being choked by the lump inside it.
"Charles? Charles, please, what's happening?" Erik asked, on the floor in front of him, also starting to be afraid.
"I'm sorry" Charles choked out between short, pained breaths. "I'm sorry. I'll pay for it. I'll clean this up. Do- do what you want with me. Whatever you're planning, I deserve it. J-just don't leave, please don't leave me" he pleaded. He went back to biting his bottom lip as soon as he stopped speaking, the nervous habit his parents despised showing again. They said he looked ridiculous doing this. They probably were right.
"What?" Erik managed to say, startled. "What are you talking about? I'm not leaving you. I'm here, love. I'm not planning to do anything to you"
"I'm sorry. I- I can punish myself, I know how to. You don't have to. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he rambled breathlessly.
Erik was horrified. Truly, deeply horrified.
"No. No" he said, taking Charles' hands in his. "No punishments. Do you understand? I'm not punishing you, and you are not punishing yourself. Alright?"
"B-but I... there should be consequences" he muttered, still not able to catch his breath. Something that became his parents' motto. There always were consequences. He did something bad, so he should face them. His lip was close to bleeding.
"There won't be any. I need you to nod if you understand"
Charles didn't move a muscle.
"Look at me, Charles" he said, bringing his hand, now also slightly trembling, to his chin and lifting it. Charles' beautiful eyes were bloodshot and full of tears. "Nobody will hurt you. You are safe here"
"But I... I broke it"
"It doesn't matter. You don't deserve a punishment, so there won't be any. Is that clear?"
Charles was looking at him with confusion and fear.
"Don't leave me" he said instead of answering Erik's question. "Don't leave me"
"I won't. I'm here, liebling, and I'm not leaving"
Charles so much as launched himself at him, clinging to him desperately, sobs shaking his body. Erik wrapped his arms around him tightly and began to rub his hand against his back, trying to soothe him. Tears were soaking through his shirt.
"It's alright, love. Everything is fine. No one will hurt you" he whispered as Charles was crying his eyes out. Erik was acting as calm and collected as he could, but the truth was, he was absolutely terrified. Terrified and furious. Because if Charles was so afraid of getting punished now, he had to learn to fear it.
Charles' breaths slowly became steadier, and Erik started to think about moving them from the cold floor when he heard him say something, the sound muffled and unintelligible.
"Could you repeat that, schatz?"
"I'm sorry" Charles mumbled quietly, his voice weak and hoarse.
"You don't need to be sorry. Everything is alright"
"It's not. It's- it's broken, and I'm broken, and you're going to leave" he said, on the verge of crying again.
"I am not. I swear, Charles, I'm not going anywhere. How could I?"
"You- because I'm damaged" he said like it was something obvious.
"Don't say that"
"But it's true. I- I'm nothing more but damaged goods. I break your things. And then I break down. And I can't- I can't be normal. Every time I ask you if you're mad at me I'm expecting a punishment. I know you're tired of me. I'm waiting until you finally break and do it because it's impossible for someone to be so patient and good they don't want to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have to see it. I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry"
He was rambling again. Another thing his parents hated. He shouldn't be doing this. He bit his lip again to keep his mouth shut. He was sure Erik was angry at him. He was silent; he had to be rethinking his earlier words about not punishing Charles. When he finally spoke up, he felt his heart sink.
"Charles" he said, his voice quiet and gentle, but firm. "I love you"
Charles shifted in his embrace, feeling uneasy. Why was he saying that?
"I love you. I'm not tired of you. I will never punish you. You don't have to be afraid. I love you"
"But- "
"There's no "buts", Charles. I love you. No matter how many things you break and how many breakdowns you have. I love you and I want you to feel save. Whatever your... definition of a punishment is, you will never experience that from me"
Charles stayed silent for a while, processing his words. Then he started speaking, and while he did, Erik's terror and anger only escalated.
"Beatings" he whispered. "Locking in a room for days. A basement, if it was worse. Obviously there was screaming and scolding, but those weren't really bad. They'd destroy my things if they thought I pay too much attention to them instead of learning. At first toys, then mostly books"
His voice began to break, his breathing sped up again. Erik pressed his lips to the top of his head. It's okay, I've got you, he wanted to say, but he couldn't. Because it was not okay, and he had not known about this, he was not supporting Charles the entire time.
"They- they made me do it myself sometimes. Mainly the destroying. Father always said I have to learn how to keep myself disciplined. I had to break things with my hands or- throw into the fire. I always managed to injure myself in the process. I think that's what they wanted"
Erik felt a wave of nausea come over him. Beatings. Locking away. They made me do it myself. Mainly the destroying. His eyes watered. He wanted to cry with Charles, but he had to be strong for him.
"Charles, I- I'm so sorry"
"It's not your fault"
"But I'm sorry. For not noticing earlier. For not being there for you. It's... what they did to you, it was..."
"Not that bad, I know"
"No!" he said, moving so he looks Charles in the eyes. "It was that bad. It was horrible. Absolutely terrifying. I can't even imagine how you have to feel"
"I... I never really... " he mumbled, a bit taken aback. "It's not your fault you didn't find out. I always kept it to myself" he finally muttered, settling for a change of topic. He didn't know how he should feel. Usually he pretended it didn't happen. He tried to not feel anything about this. Sometimes it even worked - that is, until something triggered the memories to return. Like now.
"You don't have to. You can talk to me about anything. I'll always listen" Erik said, sincerity pouring from his voice. Charles was staring at him with his eyes wide open.
"So you are not mad at me?" he asked weakly.
"I'm not"
"Really?"
"Yes, love. I'm not angry at you. I have no reason to be"
Charles wanted to ask again, but it would be annoying. His teeth sunk into his bottom lip again. He could taste blood.
Erik started to reach with his hand towards his face. He instinctively closed his eyes, but he only felt a delicate touch on his lips.
"You're hurting yourself" he said, looking at Charles with worry.
"Sorry" he responded, his eyes fluttering open again. Erik's hand cupped his cheek.
"It's alright, schatz. I'd just rather you didn't do it if you can"
His voice was so soft, his touch so gentle and soothing Charles thought that he might melt. Erik truly had to be an angel, sent to the most undeserving person ever that Charles was because of some miraculous mistake. No human being could be so good and so loving towards someone like him. No human being could be as caring, as patient, as understanding.
"And I'd like to finally see your hand. Is it okay if we go to the bathroom to clean it up?"
Honestly Charles was surprised Erik still remembered about this. He forgot long ago.
"Yeah" he muttered, though he'd prefer to stay in his boyfriend's embrace. But he couldn't force him to sit on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night, that would be awfully ungrateful. He was already acting way too good towards him, Charles couldn't demand more.
They both got up from the floor. Erik felt ache in his legs from the uncomfortable position he was in before, but he paid no mind to it. He led Charles to the bathroom, where they had better light and first aid kit. After close examination he could be sure that there was no glass stuck in Charles' finger, which made him relieved. He carefully disinfected it and put a band aid on, kissing his hand afterwards. It was icy cold, and he could see goosebumps on the uncovered by (his own) t-shirt skin.
"Go to bed, meine Sonne. I'll sweep the glass and join you in a few minutes, alright?"
"No, I don't want to be alone" he protested, and then immediately covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes widening with fear. He didn't mean to say it out loud. He shouldn't have done that. It was so selfish, he sounded like a spoiled brat. That's what you get punished for. You have to learn to hold your tongue.
"I- I'm sorry. It's childish. Forget it, I'll go. Or- or I'll do it instead. I made this mess, you shouldn't have to clean up after me" he rambled, panicked.
"Hey, it's okay" Erik whispered, squeezing Charles' hand. He felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces when he saw tears in his eyes again. How could anyone ever do such horrible things to a child? How could they traumatize him so bad this confident, charming, charismatic man turns into a crying mess over something as unimportant as breaking a glass? How fucking dared they hurt Charles, his Charles? How could Erik live in obliviousness for so long?
"It's not a problem for me to clean. I can do it tomorrow, or you can stay with me while I do it now" he said, hoping to reassure him. "It's up to you, love"
"Could you... leave it for tomorrow? You don't have to" he spluttered anxiously.
"Of course I can. Do you want to go to sleep now?"
Charles nodded and eagerly pressed his body against Erik's when offered the chance. He shivered again, which made Erik concerned. He wrapped his arm around Charles in hope he'll be able to warm him up at least a bit. He didn't want him to catch a cold. He kept it like this on their way to the bedroom.
When Charles curled up on the bed Erik hugged him from behind, making sure to tuck them in.
"Is it okay?" he asked, meaning to assure that Charles is comfortable.
"Yeah. Thank you. And sorry" he whispered.
"What for?"
"...Everything" he said after a few seconds of silence. Erik hugged him tighter.
"Don't be sorry, schatz. It's alright. I love you"
"Thank you" he repeated. "I love you too. I don't know what did I ever do to deserve you"
"You are here, Charles. That's enough for me"
He placed a kiss in his hair and felt his body relax. He wasn't there for him before; he will do everything he can to support him now. And he will kill those motherfuckers who hurt him with his bare hands. He didn't care how, they had to pay for it. And he had to show his boyfriend that he was loved and safe. That there was someone who cared for him, and that the things his sick parents did would never repeat.
"That's enough, my love" Charles heard before he drifted off to sleep.